Hello everyone. This topic is STRICTLY for MARRIED couples who are on the verge of separation/divorce but willing to find a way/solution to resolving the various issues.

Research has shown a lot of spouses are not happy in their marriages. Some newlyweds cant cope with the 'changes' from their spouse. They tend to suffer in silence which may eventually reach a point where they cant take the heat anymore. Some are already contemplating divorce but are scared of the stigma this will bring to them and then decide to give the marriage 'one more chance'.

Issues could range from Infidelity, Different personalities, Disrespect, No sexual satisfaction, Infertility, Finances, Verbal abuse, Extended family interference, Anger, Lack of sex, Physical abuse, Neglect, Trust, Religion, Third parties, Lack of communication, Boredom etc

This forum is also meant for spouses who feel the need to talk about their issues but can't discuss with family or friends.

Matured responses will be appreciated.

Please choose your 'advisers' carefully. Although they may sound right, they may not be the solution you need. Eventually, you make the decisions.

True talk..

Hmmmm

Marriage is an institution a lot of persons don't prepare for.
People only prepare and plan for the wedding but fail to realize that there is need to discuss, plan, agree, workout and picture how living together will look like.

I agree with you @divinehand. The truth is that alot of people have been 'brainwashed' by the fairytale romance... "and they lived happily ever after". They forget there will be challenges and obstacles. So it becomes frustrating when things dont go as imagined especially when they keep comparing theirs with other couples.

divinehand2003:
Hmmmm

Marriage is an institution a lot of persons don't prepare for.
People only prepare and plan for the wedding but fail to realize that there is need to discuss, plan, agree, workout and picture how living together will look like.

Hello. Just came across this topic and it really relates to me. My marriage is not up to a year and it's about to be seperated due to irreconcilable differences. We were friends for some years before we decided to get married because we thought we knew each other but now i see our personalities and ideologies are totally different. I have compromised for peace but he doesn't. I feel so so lonely and pained but still trying to resolve this but he doesn't want to be reasonable. I don't want to bring the family into it because I don't want it to be a routine. Pls I need sincere advice because I feel.so vulnerable. The details are so long I don't know where to begin. Just confused.

So sorry for what you are going through. You are already in it so no need for blames. Have you tried discussing/asking him why he really wants to separate? What really is the underling issue. There may have been warning signs prior to this time. You also need to draw closer to God because most times our battles are not physical. Pls upgrade your prayer life and try to find out the underlying cause and work towards it. Sometimes it's wise to play the fool so that long lasting peace will be the reward.

iGazelle:
Hello. Just came across this topic and it really relates to me. My marriage is not up to a year and it's about to be seperated due to irreconcilable differences. We were friends for some years before we decided to get married because we thought we knew each other but now i see our personalities and ideologies are totally different. I have compromised for peace but he doesn't. I feel so so lonely and pained but still trying to resolve this but he doesn't want to be reasonable. I don't want to bring the family into it because I don't want it to be a routine. Pls I need sincere advice because I feel.so vulnerable. The details are so long I don't know where to begin. Just confused.

My prayers to troubled marriages

May God heal such marriages
May God capture d devil nd its device cos d devil attacks homes nd marriages cos parents will b too busy bothering bou heart aches most time neglecting kids nd raising so many different truamatised kids
May the lord grant strength to so many marriages
May the lord God almighty put honey nd salt in d marriages of many people
God is greater than everything
God will b the pillar of every marriages
God grant peace nd restore unbreakable bonds nd unconditional love into many marriages
God will bless every single soul d devil has captured in marriges
Does who weep in marriages the lord will wipe their tears
Nothing can make any thing destroy a marriage ordained by God
In jesus name i have prayed

AMEN

AMEN.

halfricanadian:
My prayers to troubled marriages

May God heal such marriages
May God capture d devil nd its device cos d devil attacks homes nd marriages cos parents will b too busy bothering bou heart aches most time neglectibg kids nd raising so many different truamatised kids
May the lord grant strength to so many marriages
May the lord God almighty put honey nd salt in d marriages of many people
Nothing is greater than God
God will bless every single soul d devil has captured in marriges
Does who weep in marriages the lord will wipe their tears
Nothing can make any thing destroy a marriage ordained by God
In jesus name i have prayed

AMEN

momoftheyear16:
AMEN.

Good day everyone. Pls can an experienced married person torchlight on how to deal with anger in marriage? I would appreciate your response.

So as I neva marry, I no go fit put mouth for the matter?

While we are waiting for responses from the 'elders' based on your question, I would say dealing with anger first starts with you. You must first resolve you dont want to be that way anymore. Then there are ways to manage it depending on what works on your spouse. Be mindful that either the devil or your spouse may want to test that resolve so you need to be committed to it. I used to be short tempered before but thankfully with the encouragement of my spouse i found ways to manage it.
First, whenever my husband made me so angry, i would quietly go and vent by writing down how i felt. I noticed when i did that the feeling disappeared...no words were spoken, no confrontation. Then i was able to address that issue with a better approach. So you need to find what works for u so u dont do/say what u'll regret.

mija:
Good day everyone. Pls can an experienced married person torchlight on how to deal with anger in marriage? I would appreciate your response.

@Dojupyo. You neva marry no mean say u no fit learn from other people experience but e better make people wey don experience am talk as e be. Dis one no be bf/gf matter. Na for life o.

Dojupyo:
So as I neva marry, I no go fit put mouth for the matter?

momoftheyear16:
@Dojupyo. You neva marry no mean say u no fit learn from other people experience but e better make people wey don experience am talk as e be. Dis one no be bf/gf matter. Na for life o.

Lol, me sef no understand wetin you dey yarn..
You talk sey "help sey your marriage is falling apart", na im you still dey ask us sey mey we talk the issues wey dey our marriage?

Talk your own

The forum is for married people who need help or advice because they are on the verge of breakup.

Dojupyo:



Lol, me sef no understand wetin you dey yarn..
You talk sey "help sey your marriage is falling apart", na im you still dey ask us sey mey we talk the issues wey dey pour marriage?

Talk your own

There are times the temptation come without warning. Most times just deliberately to hurt me and I end up doing the wrong thing. I tried embrassing God more and ignored his wrongs but he just acts unfairly which eventually makes me loose my cool.

momoftheyear16:
While we are waiting for responses from the 'elders' based on your question, I would say dealing with anger first starts with you. You must first resolve you dont want to be that way anymore. Then there are ways to manage it depending on what works on your spouse. Be mindful that either the devil or your spouse may want to test that resolve so you need to be committed to it. I used to be short tempered before but thankfully with the encouragement of my spouse i found ways to manage it.
First, whenever my husband made me so angry, i would quietly go and vent by writing down how i felt. I noticed when i did that the feeling disappeared...no words were spoken, no confrontation. Then i was able to address that issue with a better approach. So you need to find what works for u so u dont do/say what u'll regret.

Like I keep harping, divorce is the best thing to happen to the institution of marriage. There comes a point in one's marital life where you know it's just over, not working, humpty dumpty can't be put back again never minding what the pastor, president, inlaws, kids, relatives or parents say.

I keep advising folks in troubled unions that have crossed the rubicon. Don't stay in a wedlock that you are done with inside for the sake of society, your parents or the most popular excuse, the kids. You'd be doing everyone a huge favour especially the kids to dissolve the union while there is still time before it escalates to something that all stakeholders would shake their head in regret; the regret of not blessing the divorce sooner.

Happiness is everybody's right, the pursuit of it is something so beautiful and if it means getting out of that union you feel puts you in a straitjacket, don't be afraid to take the bold step. Remember at the end of the day it is YOUR life. Could go on and on but a word they say is enough for the wise.

Today nah today..

Thank God its weekend.

iGazelle:
Hello. Just came across this topic and it really relates to me. My marriage is not up to a year and it's about to be seperated due to irreconcilable differences. We were friends for some years before we decided to get married because we thought we knew each other but now i see our personalities and ideologies are totally different. I have compromised for peace but he doesn't. I feel so so lonely and pained but still trying to resolve this but he doesn't want to be reasonable. I don't want to bring the family into it because I don't want it to be a routine. Pls I need sincere advice because I feel.so vulnerable. The details are so long I don't know where to begin. Just confused.

Are you a christian ? Please if you are, quote me so that i can pray with you.

Jesus Is Lord !

halfricanadian:
My prayers to troubled marriages

May God heal such marriages
May God capture d devil nd its device cos d devil attacks homes nd marriages cos parents will b too busy bothering bou heart aches most time neglecting kids nd raising so many different truamatised kids
May the lord grant strength to so many marriages
May the lord God almighty put honey nd salt in d marriages of many people
God is greater than everything
God will b the pillar of every marriages
God grant peace nd restore unbreakable bonds nd unconditional love into many marriages
God will bless every single soul d devil has captured in marriges
Does who weep in marriages the lord will wipe their tears
Nothing can make any thing destroy a marriage ordained by God
In jesus name i have prayed

AMEN

Are you really sure you have the moral justification to utter such a prayer given your rants about the inefficacy of 'love' and whatnot. I'm sure you understand what I'm talking about.

My husband is the vulnerable type so most times I try to protect him but I think it's doing more harm. He says he wants freedom, he wants to still communicate with his ex, do whatever he wants without reprieve. Frankly it's hurting to hear this because I feel he ought to know his boundaries. I just don't understand.

momoftheyear16:
So sorry for what you are going through. You are already in it so no need for blames. Have you tried discussing/asking him why he really wants to separate? What really is the underling issue. There may have been warning signs prior to this time. You also need to draw closer to God because most times our battles are not physical. Pls upgrade your prayer life and try to find out the underlying cause and work towards it. Sometimes it's wise to play the fool so that long lasting peace will be the reward.

Yes I am.

100Cents:


Are you a christian ? Please if you are, quote me so that i can pray with you.

Jesus Is Lord !

I considered divorce even though we haven't met the requirement (2years separation). Which is why I'm trying to let us resolve instead.

4C2215131:
Like I keep harping, divorce is the best thing to happen to the institution of marriage. There comes a point in one's marital life where you know it's just over, not working, humpty dumpty can't be put back again never minding what the pastor, president, inlaws, kids, relatives or parents say.

I keep advising folks in troubled unions that have crossed the rubicon. Don't stay in a wedlock that you are done with inside for the sake of society, your parents or the most popular excuse, the kids. You'd be doing everyone a huge favour especially the kids to dissolve the union while there is still time before it escalates to something that all stakeholders would shake their head in regret; the regret of not blessing the divorce sooner.

Happiness is everybody's right, the pursuit of it is something so beautiful and if it means getting out of that union you feel puts you in a straitjacket, don't be afraid to take the bold step. Remember at the end of the day it is YOUR life. Could go on and on but a word they say is enough for the wise.

iGazelle:
Yes I am.

My God and Father in heaven.

iGazelle is a newly wed. You built the institution called marriage. She says she is your daughter and has confessed thee openly. Lord, it is thy desire and ours that what God has joined together, no man should put asunder. Father, standing on your word which says that if we ask with faith, that we shall receive whatever we ask for, Lord we make a demand that you heal her marriage and establish their love permanently in Jesus mighty name.

And the Church of God says Amen.

4C2215131:


Are you really sure you have the moral justification to utter such a prayer given your rants about the inefficacy of 'love' and whatnot. I'm sure you understand what I'm talking about.

The fact that i dont have something

Doesnt mean i wont wish others who have it well

Im nt selfish

I pray for those dat have wat i dont have

Its called a graceful heart

iGazelle:
I considered divorce even though we haven't met the requirement (2years separation). Which is why I'm trying to let us resolve instead.

Only you can know deep in your heart if it can work out. While I don't know the bone of contention, it doesn't take a sooth-sayer to tell you if a partner is going to remain true to their declaration that they'll change for the better.

You know what, we just deceive ourselves to believe what we want to believe even when inside we know the truth. Do you know why we do this? sometimes the truth is too hard to take, swallow or consider. If you truly believe the cause of the problem is truly irreconcilable, then start making plans.

Folks may cuss me out for telling you this but I like to think myself as a very pragmatic person while at the same time having faith in the good of others and society in general. The trick is the ability to find the mid-point; keeping your head in the clouds while having your feet planted firmly on the ground. That way you can be aware of both existence. If you know what living in a union that isn't working can do to you emotionally, psychologically, spiritually, physically you'd think twice before deciding to spend an extra second in a house where love, patience and understanding has taken flight enthroning pride, deviousness, callousness, selfishness and ultimately abuse in it's stead.

halfricanadian:


The fact that i dont have something

Doesnt mean i wont wish others who have it well

Im nt selfish

I pray for those dat have wat i dont have

Its called a graceful heart

It's kind of stretching the imagination to classify someone who has vowed to show the 'beast' in her to others as not being selfish. Just saying. You see what I told you earlier? Don't fight it, you're just hurting, you still have it in you, the capability to love and bring happiness to someone while collecting same or more value in return that is.

Your post to this OP just confirmed my suspicions hence I called you out to find out more which I have. Let the bitterness go.

I think it's time to involve his family because this is really deep. Meanwhile intensify your prayers.

iGazelle:
My husband is the vulnerable type so most times I try to protect him but I think it's doing more harm. He says he wants freedom, he wants to still communicate with his ex, do whatever he wants without reprieve. Frankly it's hurting to hear this because I feel he ought to know his boundaries. I just don't understand.

Amen.

100Cents:


My God and Father in heaven.

iGazelle is a newly wed. You built the institution called marriage. She says she is your daughter and has confessed thee openly. Lord, it is thy desire and ours that what God has joined together, no man should put asunder. Father, standing on your word which says that if we ask with faith, that we shall receive whatever we ask for, Lord we make a demand that you heal her marriage and establish their love permanently in Jesus mighty name.

And the Church of God says Amen.

"In the 70s when we were very young one of my brothers used to recount how he overheard a man telling another that if spouses do not quarrel in their marriage, it means one is being cheated. As time went on this statement became a recurring decimal...

but from the first day I heard it, it became a habit for me to look for the spouse that was cheated in marriage I came across including my parents.'It was not till the 90s when I was preparing to get married that I took a critical look at this statement and understood it better."

Frances Ewerido

4C2215131:


It's kind of stretching the imagination to classify someone who has vowed to show the 'beast' in her to others as not being selfish. Just saying. You see what I told you earlier? Don't fight it, you're just hurting, you still have it in you, the capability to love and bring happiness to someone while collecting same or more value in return that is.

Your post to this OP just confirmed my suspicions hence I called you out to find out more which I have. Let the bitterness go.

I will never let d bitterness go

I will not love ever again

I av gained nothing loving

To hell with love

Nothing will make me love

Those i sacrificed for selflessly snitched me ditched me treated me like a piece if rag made me feel less human fuvk all!!!!!

Who ever is seeking love from me will just b stunged painfully i am ready to pass d pain around !!!!!!!!!!

Dare me and see they broke my heart i removedd pieces i av nothing to give

I will b bitter nd b a serpent with venom to man

Better not a soul love me cos im an extremist i will hurt to d extremy

Dont love me i beg humanity!!!!!!!

halfricanadian:


I will never let d bitterness go

I will not love ever again

I av gained nothing loving

To hell with love

Nothing will make me love

Those i sacrificed for selflessly snitched me ditched me treated me like a piece if rag made me feel less human fuvk all!!!!!

Who ever is seeking love from me will just b stunged painfully i am ready to pass d pain around !!!!!!!!!!

Dare me and see they broke my heart i removedd pieces i av nothing to give

I will b bitter nd b a serpent with venom to man

Better not a soul love me cos im an extremist i will hurt to d extremy

Dont love me i beg humanity!!!!!!!

So Mote It Be.