₦airaland Forum

byvan03:
My dear you are an unserious individual. Better start a fresh life or keep wallowing in this mess. You should be giving testimony that there is no child to partake in this doomsday. This time around don't be like the leaves that get blown by every passing wind. Have a direction in life and let anyone that can't share in that direction bounce. How can you choose poverty as a criteria for marriage? What happens to the content of a man's character? I tire for you. Just start all over, you have your chance now. How can you let someone mess you up like this? It's not late!

my dear the only reason am still here is for fear of the unknown, will it be better out there

luccicouture:
i can't go and stay with my mum unless am planning to leave permanently, beside my mum is trying to sustain herself i can't go and become a burden

All advices given so far seem not to go well with you. .. so what options do you think you have?? And what exactly do you want Nairalanders to do for you?

FrancisTony:
Lmao! I don't see why should have abandoned rich suitors to marry a poor man with the facade you'll struggle with him; I pity girls that trade with such ideology except you love that guy more than others which is a better reason...
It takes a responsible man to acquire wealth without any woman's help...

Sigh! I think you should leave that marriage for Christ sake.

thanks

Evacroft:
Hmmm! U married an insensitive, uncultured, Man. But guess what is not a real man.
Firstly u got a good chance to run earlier,that is u not been able to concieve,that should have made u to leave cos u gat nothing so much to loose,but now u are expecting and d beatings and I'll treatment still comes.
Well left for me, what u see is what u get,can wait on dat kind of man.
Now u have a low self esteem,cos what will make u. Remain with someone with an animalistic behaviour.

If u were my sis I did say pack ur things and leave,cos u ain't holding on to anytin in dat house.
1)No money
2)No care
3)No love
4)No attention
5)No companionship
6)No communication
7)No Godly Moments
No peace
9)No respects for u or ur pple
10) looks like there is also no future
My friend,it all depends on u now,but I will say get out of that place as soon as u can afterall he isn't taking care of u or ur future.

thanks

PresVA:
All advices given so far seem not to go well with you. .. so what options do you think you have?? And what exactly do you want Nairalanders to do for you?

my dear to be sincere am afraid am so afraid

Hmmh!
Op, the future is very gory!
Pls leave before he kills you. Forget what people will say, you can start still start afresh. Thank God you learnt a skill so You wont die of hunger. Start planning

zaynie:
Why do you want to stay? You want to die ni?
He can't control his temper.
He is tight fisted.
He has zero respect for you.
He doesnt want personal growth for you.
Is the sexx that good that you want to die there?


Open your eyes!
Think with your head!
Unless you want to live hand to mouth too.
Lonely.
Sad.
Depressed.
Abused.
With a son that knows all the corners hemp is sold at age 5. He'll probably chew some at some point......
A son that believes its ok to treat women like trash because its what daddy does. He will start with you, yes your son will learn to disrespect yoy, report you to daddy, laugh when daddy beats you.....its true, sad but true.



Since you want to stay sha.........
What can I say?
Pray he stops.
Pray for strength....strength to withstand the punches, strength to withstand hunger ( best way to punish a woman with no money of her own is withold food from her and her brood).
Pray to have the perseverance of Job.


But if and when you decide to leave.....
- start reporting him to his people and your people so that they can be aware of what you are going thru.
- start saving....even if na 100# per day. Save. You can also pick from his pocket ( if he wont know or suspect..make e no go comot your teeth over 500#), as a new mother you will get monetary gift, spend wisely.
- save enough to buy a sewing machine. start sewing from the room. Socialise with women around you, I do not mean amebo things o....they are the ones that will refer ppl to you.
Sew only when he is not around, be careful to hide all clothes from his view, dont entertain clients in your house ( if possible, do the picking and dropping off).
- save more and spend wisely.
- call your outspoken sister that you are ready. That is if you ever will be.



Goodluck.

my dear you just addressed my plight severally, i ave gone days without eating because maybe he is angry or whatever reason, infact the last incidence thank God my sister was around she was the one that brought the money we used in cooking. it was pathetic

God bless all of you that took out time to comment, it was really helpful,thanks for stoping by pls i have one more question who should take custody of my son.

luccicouture:
i can't go and stay with my mum unless am planning to leave permanently, beside my mum is trying to sustain herself i can't go and become a burden

That is where you are still missing it. Staying with mum will give the chance to look for something to do which he doesn't permit. You will have the time to look for what to do or even perfect ur fashion designing skills.
That house is a time bomb for you coupled with the fact that he smokes. Seriously I fear for your life.

nnamdibig:
That is where you are still missing it. Staying with mum will give the chance to look for something to do which he doesn't permit. You will have the time to look for what to do or even perfect ur fashion designing skills.
That house is a time bomb for you coupled with the fact that he smokes. Seriously I fear for your life.

i told you he is not in good terms with my mum any day i say i want to my mum's, the only thing he will tell me is not to come back it has happened before

Uve got handwork. He gives u nothing. U practically fending for ur self already.

As for ur child he stays with u. You take care of him. Unless u want him to be like his father.

lovingT:
Uve got handwork. He gives u nothing. U practically fending for ur self already.

As for ur child he stays with u. You take care of him. Unless u want him to be like his father.

as in seriously na food and shelter e dey give me

soonest:
Hmmh!
Op, the future is very gory!
Pls leave before he kills you. Forget what people will say, you can start still start afresh. Thank God you learnt a skill so You wont die of hunger. Start planning

thanks

luccicouture:
i told you he is not in good terms with my mum any day i say i want to my mum's, the only thing he will tell me is not to come back it has happened before

It's ur life my dear. But the best thing for you now is to leave that house and go where you can practice your learned skill and making a living out of it. You don't need his permission to leave that hell hole, let him come back one day to meet your absent.
And why will you want to leave your son with a man am sure you don't want him to be like?
You can't think we'll now because you are still with him. The first step is leave so you can have time to think about yourself & your son.

nnamdibig:
It's ur life my dear. But the best thing for you now is to leave that house and go where you can practice your learned skill and making a living out of it. You don't need his permission to leave that hell hole, let him come back one day to meet your absent.
And why will you want to leave your son with a man am sure you don't want him to be like?
You can't think we'll now because you are still with him. The first step is leave so you can have time to think about yourself & your son.

Thanks a million God bless you sweet

luccicouture:
i told you he is not in good terms with my mum any day i say i want to my mum's, the only thing he will tell me is not to come back it has happened before

So, you mean to tell me that after all the advise you've received here, you are still bent on staying with him?

"He will tell you not to come back? "
And so flipping what?

Do you realise you have an innocent kid on the way? Do you want your child to be motherless?

And did you just ask who should take custody of your kid? Wait oh! You want to go and visit your son one day, and see him in the company of hemp smokers or worse?

My sister, you will not die if you leave that marriage... The consequence of staying will be far worse than that of leaving...
You will not die if you leave...
I was raised by my mum alone, and she's still alive...

For heaven's sake, you even have a skill. Haba!!!
Please go back to your mum, I beg you in God's name, you'll survive, no matter what.

Stop thinking about the past, the fact that you didn't complete your education, e.t.c... Put all that behind you and focus on your future, you can't move forward if you keep holding on to the past...
Forgive yourself for all the mistakes and just Forge ahead...
You can still go to school, you can still re-marry, all the wrongs can still be righted, but not in that house... HELL NO!

Sister, abeg gather liver, make you commot for that house...
No use your hand kill yourself...

This is such a sad story and its easy to see why you chose this man he represented the familiar.

This may be hard to hear but your problem is not your husband. You are the one who sacrificed your education for marriage like you said the education was never important to you because you always had plans to be self employed which is why you couldn't be bothered to see it through.

Look at all the sacrifices you made to get married why? because marriage was important to you but your own education was not important to you. You cannot hang this on the man. I am not writing this to blame you or shame you but to give you a different perspective from your present victim perspective because as long as you remain in the "blame him" state you will be powerless all your life blaming yourself is not the alternative either. You can develop the zeal to live again just as you developed the zeal to get married even at the high cost to your happy future.

I see two depressed people.
The unknown is scary when you've lost faith in yourself and this is your work to build faith in yourself if you can do all you did to get married then you can do something to eke a living for yourself and your child.
Believe in yourself.
You are a seamstress start with that.
You need a peaceful environment to work and get your act together go to your mom's place.
Stop acting/believing like you are a slave and he did you a favor by marrying you.
You treat yourself sooo bad please stop it.

Do you really think people will sit around and talk about you if you do the needful for yourself lets say they even talk about you why do you care about what they are saying they never came to save you when you were down then you save yourself and people are talking about you why do you care so much about people who don't care about you? You are already on your own.

You got this.

luccicouture:
without hesitation my mum will ask me to return, but that will be a burden on her + my child

Lucy
you better be a burden than a dead meat

Feel for u, I think you need to go spritual, ask God for wat to do?

Oh my Gosh! Wat d heck, custody how. Are u planning not to stay on planet earth.
Let me tell u d truth,u better go start making some Lil cash else that man will frustrate you. He is already happy and use to d fact dat u are solely depending on him and that makes him think he has every right over u.
D only way to get ur self esteem back and stand up an say enough is enough is if u re able to get a means of lively hood fast and move out of that place.
Can ur father be beating u at this stage,why den will u allow a man that didn't tie ur diaper,or wash ur shit do that to u.
Pls dear,let that boy remain in ur custody.
Like zaynie said,take small amounts from him and safe that's if he won't catch u,he is still ur hubby and it is called SURVIVAL.

You really didn't think much of yourself before entering this marriage.You had no dreams of your own except getting married.
It doesn't seem your hubby has anything to offer you so you might as well just move back to your mother.As a seamstress,,start to eke out a living.You might not move tomorrow but start to plan your exit.
You deserve better.


*i just keep hoping young girls will read these kinds of threads and learn so they can make better decisions when it's time to marry.

Nawaoooooooooo.. This ur Hubby wicked no b small ooooooooooooo... Dont just have anything to say but his attitude towards u is that of an Animal. Perharps because of the Indian Hemp he takes. also i think he doesnt want u to be more than him in any way. God help U. Intense Prayer will be d best solution to all this.

Thanx..

luccicouture:
God bless all of you that took out time to comment, it was really helpful,thanks for stoping by pls i have one more question who should take custody of my son.

Due to his Awkward way of life i would advice if u are not ready to endure anymore i think u shud take along ur son so he doesnt influence his life negatively. Meanwhile ur son can always pay him a visit @ certain period of time.

Above all Divorce has a negative impact on kids no matter what.

Other posters have said it all, I'm just going to add, if possible, when you leave, don't disclose your whereabouts to him. What's stopping him from coming there to continue beating you and frustrating your life or even try to take your child away?
And I'm very surprised you are asking about custody of the child, are you remotely entertaining the idea of leaving the child with him Where is the mama-bear in you? Please and please, anywhere you go, the child goes!!!

Thanks all God bless you all immensely, thanks for the encouraging words i never knew i could get genuine advice here

Oh lord in this stepping High programe, reverse every satanic agenda over my maritally life.


Don't know how to decribe your husband. But all I will say to you is that, all is well.

luccicouture:
without hesitation my mum will ask me to return, but that will be a burden on her + my child

but I thought you were bent on 'struggling with a man'. why then do you think you can't do it at your parents' place with your body&soul intact plus getting to nurse your baby alive? be wise ma'am; wish u all the best!

luccicouture:
as in seriously na food and shelter e dey give me

hmmmm & u went days without food till ur sis came to d rescue? sis, pls be of good courage &stop rationalizing issues

Op in as much as ur story is touching, u still hv chunk of d blame to receive.

The first step to solving a problem is accepting u hv one.ur hubby isn't the issue here,u are.
For crying out loud what exactly is ur fear?if he ws taking good care of u but beat u we will unstd dat uvare staying cos of the financial benefit. Pls what exactly is ur reason for staying?
Gone at d days when society frown at divorce women now ppl are enlightened that its better to be a single mum that a dead one.
Pls explain to u mum n get d hell out of that bondage called marriage.
How d hell does ppl stay n cope in an abusive marriage?
Pls get ur self esteem back cos u need it.

Who even gave u such poverty orientation that has made u lost ur self esteem.?

luccicouture:
my dear the only reason am still here is for fear of the unknown, will it be better out there

Staying is a certain death, it's just a matter of time. Which unknown is scarier than the fear of being beaten to death?

Exactly

Imagine this one almost done with school abandoned her final exams just because the man she's about to marry made her to.
Negodu nonsense.

Wasn't that the first red flag she should have looked at to run away?

Yet she kept bending over backwards and rearranging her life goals to please someone who doesn't give a hoot about her well being.

And she still wants to stay.

Which kind advice person wan give this one? I guess we will just wait until he beats her to death with the pregnancy then we will type RIP.

egopersonified:
I felt you were crying while writing this post, when you started referring to your husband as 'you' instead of 'he' in your write up, I started crying too. If you can't leave now, why not look for a way to ensure you go to your parents from the hospital after childbirth instead of your mum coming over? You would have that three months window to make your decision.

Training our girls solely for the purpose of marriage should be discouraged, there is more to life than being a good wife and mother.

luccicouture:
thanks all for the advice, is there really no hope or future for the marriage? hmmmmm what more can i say. I have been searching for a reason to stay,am soo confused, no wonder his mum once asked if he beats me and i just smiled and said no, several times it was his brother that saved me from his claws, now he is about to move out i wonder what will happen wen he decides to vents his anger.

There will be no one to save you from his claws. That's what will happen.