thanks all

smartigo:


first of all, he has no right to disrespect ur mother; wake up and shock him by leaving and starting a new life. it will be challenging but it is better than the life u r living presently.

During my traditional marriage my mum wept all through cos of the way the list was slashed infact, they did less than 1/3 of the whole process and i wasnt even helping matters as i was shouting iam not being sold, the whole process was like they were pricing crayfish in the market,that didn't bother me, i was just happy iam getting married, my mum wept her eyes out,now i understand why she was crying.

The OP is the reason why her husband disrespects her mum as you can see from the excerpts of her write-up.
This is probably why she feels she would be a burden to her mother.. Not just the finances. After all she isnt eating at her husbands house either.

Op, first thing you need to do is go and beg your mother for forgiveness for being such a silly child. I am sure she would forgive you, a mothers love is unconditional.

Im not even going to bother advising you wether to leave your abusive and toxic marriage or not, thats your perogative. So that tomorrow you won't say sugah is enjoying her marriage but she made me leave mine.

All the best

I will advise you to leave the house for now and go to God in prayer, he is a merciful God.He'll listen to ur cry BT for now u deserve a peaceful atmosphere cos of ur pregnancy. it is well

luccicouture:
To cut Long stories short my hubby did not allow me to go so could not rewrite the carryover and i got only 2 years grace to rewrite it. That was how i lost my 2 years OND certificate. his reason was since i wasn't going for HND there was no need.
I felt all hope was not lost since i never really wanted to work for any one i wanted to be self employed. I went for training in fashion design and completed it, since there was no money to set me up i decided to b doing the little i can from my parlor, i even started working for people, but since hubby was always looking for ways to tell me when to go to work,he will just wake up one morning and decide that today i wouldn't be going to work,so i wasn't steadfast because of unofficial absenteeism, they would have to look for some one else.
I kept on searching cos i hate idleness, i ended up working for up to 7 different fashion house,i had to leave for the same reason. Until the day he boldly told me he doesn't want me searching for job any more. since then i have been a stay at home wife.

Sorry to tell you this but you married the wrong guy. You are on the path of being what most married women are in Nigeria; Slave nannies. I hope you take my advice. Hold out as long as you can before having kids with him.

I am not married but if all these are true, you will regret your marriage.


1) Don't get pregnant, if you are be ready to get someone to help you out then you are

2) And GO BACK TO SCHOOL

3) If he doesn't, call a family meeting. If he insist, please go back to your parents. Beg them, as for their support emotionally and financially. They weren't complaining then, they won't now.


The man you married won't think twice before making your life miserable. If you continue without being self sufficient, you will regret the day you were born. Anyways, I don't pity you at all. You got what you asked for. You should have known when he stopped you from going back for your carryovers. That is what miserable abusive spouses do.

1) Your mum is not going to complain. She is family at the end of the day she would the best for you. She is the only one you can rely on


2) why are you scared of losing him? It seems like he is not going to change. And not leaving means that you enjoy the abuse, have you thought about your child too? Do you want him to grow to think what dad does to mum is okay? , if you must know, no amouet if talking will change that mindset.

3) It is going to get worse. Abusers increase the severity of their abuse with time. You are in for a wonderful ride. I hope you don't end up dead. If you do, I don't think God will forgive you for making your mother cry when you could have made things better.

4) A man that doesn't respect your family is not going to respect you. Neither is he going to take their concerns serious.

luccicouture:

i told you he is not in good terms with my mum any day i say i want to my mum's, the only thing he will tell me is not to come back it has happened before

@ luccicoutore

You seem like one who has been so thoroughly beaten down and has given up.


Methinks you really just have 2 options here - life or death. Or are the beatings not that bad? If you go back to your family, at least you would not have the threat of death hanging over you. The fact that you would even entertain staying in this man's house with the beatings is very sad.

Every human is born with a survival instinct, it is what makes us fight for breath when we feel like we are drowning. It is what makes us gasp for breath when we are losing oxygen. It is the most badic, most fundamental aspect of what makes us humans, don't allow your husband take that away from you. Even babies have it and lower mammals have this instinct. Even mosquitoes run away from threat of death. A lot has been stripped from you already, don't give this up .

No matter how poor your Mom is, her wellbeing would be a lot worse if God forbid, you lost your life or heath to the suffering you are going through. If you cannot act for yourself, then act because of the innocent baby you have been entrusted with. That child deserves a Mom that will fight

luccicoutore

Poster looks like you hate yourself so much to put up with this,

You mean you gave up your education, multiple jobs for that unappreciative man,
Please go back home, before he kills you, dear Lord am appalled!

Now,as always ,I like the two sides of a story.

I will pick an excerpt from your story...where you asked oga to marry another wife.

Lucci,did you say that in all calmness or did you spit fire and threw I don't cares if you marry another wife at him?

Lucci,why would you not write your carryover because a man told you to,lady,that's desperate to me.

Lucci,haven't you heard that bitter kola doesn't taste and it sounds?

My problem is how you reacted in all these because your reaction to ANY situation is what will determine the action...I insist on this.

The future lies in your hands.

As always women get all emotional with hormones running 360 round a square when they are pregnant...I hope you aren't painting a picture courtesy of hormones?

My sister,go back to work,find customers and make attires for little pay when oga is not around, and pack up when he is due to return.

Discuss this with God but first forgive him heartedly because it is written.

Mind your mouth,do not let your tongue put you to shame.

Look at the future and hope of your marriage after 2 weeks from now.

Let the Peace and Love of Christ find you.

luccicouture, ur experience is a sad one dear. But u saw some of the signs b4 marriage na. U said he smoked when u met him n this was one of the reasons u separated b4 re-uniting for wedding. Did u hope to change him? hmmm.
And why on earth did u let go of getting ur certificate?!! Cos of wedding/marriage? self employment? Bad move, dear. Most ppl nowadays get education and still go on to open their personal businesses... it helps them package it better and opens doors for them. Go back to sch as soon as u can. Is ur hubby not educated? Even if he is not, illiteracy no dey reign again abeg. My Mum went back to sch and graduated from Uni the same year I graduated.
.
As for staying or leaving, thats for u to decide. I hate advising people to leave their marriages cos I am happily married myself and wish the same for others. Above all, life and safety first.God grant u wisdom. Finally, go and ask ur mum to forgive u. Take cr

Pathetic. You've got more than enough good advice already so I won't bother. All the best, make a good decision fast and be strong for your child.

IT IS WELL! try not to be scared of the future, because God is already there

This is what the desperation to marry leads to. You couldn't even finish your school first or start a decent job or try in someway to acquire some finance of your own.... This is a big mistake that many women make. I cannot advice you to stay in such a turbulent marriage especially since there is violence involved. The only advice I would give you is to start making plans to leave! It's going to take months for you to save and figure it out but let it be an active plan in motion, a goal that you intend to achieve. Do not even let him suspect. When you are ready, take your son and go far away to somewhere where he won't be able to get in touch with you for a while and start your life all over. Try to enroll back in school, there isn't much you can do without education. Go to school, while you work or do a side business and raise your son. It's going to be tough at first but with time you will overcome. Forget about what people will say, this is one of the reasons why many people die in silence. How many of the people who will talk about you have it perfectly going for themselves? Probably non! So don't be bothered and trust me when I say that people have had it worse than you, came out of that bondage of a marriage that they were in and are doing very very well for themselves at the moment. You can too! I wish you all the best.