₦airaland Forum

kaboninc:
Hmmmm...

sukkot:
its called tough love. i am saving him in case he marries again. some people need to hear the cold hard truth in a rough manner so it snaps them back to reality, and the reality of the matter is that ' if you are not ready to be a hard strong alpha male in a relationship with a woman ? you should not even bother going into one. God made you the man for a reason. scripture says the man is the head of the woman. if you are not ready to lead strongly ? dont even bother because the marriage will not work. how can you let a woman move you to osogbo ? and you dont think our brother needs to hear the truth in a rough way so he can be saved from future hurt ?

dotman4real007:
Bros if you want your kids so badly just go to her parents house but don't enter just stay hidden and watch the school your kids attend then go there and take them to oshogbo and call her that your children are with u. Then place a curse on her!!!

SIRTee15:
Take a break from marriage......
Na so marriage be.....
Come in and go out at will......
Pls let's be realistic in suggestions we give....
Or at least just shut up

sukkot:
its called tough love. i am saving him in case he marries again. some people need to hear the cold hard truth in a rough manner so it snaps them back to reality, and the reality of the matter is that ' if you are not ready to be a hard strong alpha male in a relationship with a woman ? you should not even bother going into one. God made you the man for a reason. scripture says the man is the head of the woman. if you are not ready to lead strongly ? dont even bother because the marriage will not work. how can you let a woman move you to osogbo ? and you dont think our brother needs to hear the truth in a rough way so he can be saved from future hurt ?

Adiwana:
I fully subscribe to ur points and I have to agree but mocking him is not the best way to pass your message.I believe There are bigger and better ways of telling him the rough truth without trying to bring down his decision making level as a man.Common

Pidggin:
It doesn't mean you are divorced. What do you want? If you still want the marriage why not involve people she respects. She can't just decide the marriage is over, tell her parents and relatives what she is doing

taiiremide:
My wife absconded with our kids (2 boys). We’ve been married for 4years plus. I did everything a good husband would do to please his wife, but she never satisfied. Before we got married, I’ve a good job and she knew my worth, after marriage things isn’t as rosy and it used to be, I lost my job and I was able to get one after 2 months but the salary is 120k excluding other freelance jobs I do online.

We’re unable to save. We spent most of the money on food stuffs, I hate seeing her hungry. She called me one faithful night and reminds me of the premises I made before we got married about the car and supermarket I promised her (I can’t remembered making such promises), but I still encourage her to be patient with me, that things gonna be fine. She never supported me as she’s not working. I remember I gave her 450k to start a business; she was pregnant at the time so she rejected the money because of her condition. I added some money and I bought a car, I needed the car to hustle for contracts, I cant be jumping from okada to marwa, nobody gonna take you serious. A month later, I got a printing contract from one of the best companies in Lagos, the condition is to use your money for the contract so I sold the car to print the job, I bought a machine unfortunately the machine packedup, i lost the gain and money for the car but I was able to delivered the job more that expectation but I lost huge amount of money. She always complaining ever since, when I tried to encourage her that things will be fine she will ask me ‘when’.

She treats my kids as if she wasn’t the one that brought them to this world, she always using negative words for those kids, I later realized she doesn’t love me, if she love me, she’ll equally love my kids.

4 months ago, she went to visit my younger sister in osogbo, she saw the way my sister’s business was moving fine, she fall inlove with osogbo, she sent a message thus ‘dear, guess I am in love with Oshogbo is peaceful and cool’. When she came back to Lagos, she said she wanted us to move to osogbo, after much persuasion and consideration I succumbed. We moved to osogbo, I spent more than 300k. 2 weeks later, she started complaining that osogbo is boring. I was so mad. I had to risk my life travelling from osogbo to Lagos almost every week.
On the 16th of September (a day after I celebrated our last born birthday) she left for Lagos for her sister’s wedding, I gave her 12k for tfair and other expenses. I called her a week later to remind her that our first son gonna resume school the following Monday, that’s when she said she’s no longer interested in the marriage, that I should move on, I called her mother, she said I should come see her but my family stopped me, since we never had a fight and I was not the one that sent her packing that she should be the one to come.

I’m missing my kids, they’re my life, I don’t know what to do.

lakesidepapa:
You nailed it bruv. I doff my hat for u

In relationship, A man is the one that must direct/control the decisions that springs up. Sometimes, women use emotion to control but as a man, u must be smart and use logic/will/power to put things in the right path.

Op is not smart, u knw she doesn't love u, u married and shown her love and affection with everything, what do u expect? from Osogbo right? All my OSO niggas no dey dull for women na, Y u?

akinszz:
Since u no dey put mouth inside husband n wife matter, y u com comment? Chai! Women n notice me syndrome

taiiremide:
She doesn't love me, when someone isn't in love with u, no matter what you do to please her, she'll never be satisfy.

sisisioge:
Adedotun! U dey advise am to kidnap his own kids! U must get choko! Which school go release kids to a stranger albeit known to the kids? Na person wey school know for their register be guardian o...any other person na unknown person.

taiiremide:
My wife absconded with our kids (2 boys). We’ve been married for 4years plus. I did everything a good husband would do to please his wife, but she never satisfied. Before we got married, I’ve a good job and she knew my worth, after marriage things isn’t as rosy and it used to be, I lost my job and I was able to get one after 2 months but the salary is 120k excluding other freelance jobs I do online.

We’re unable to save. We spent most of the money on food stuffs, I hate seeing her hungry. She called me one faithful night and reminds me of the premises I made before we got married about the car and supermarket I promised her (I can’t remembered making such promises), but I still encourage her to be patient with me, that things gonna be fine. She never supported me as she’s not working. I remember I gave her 450k to start a business; she was pregnant at the time so she rejected the money because of her condition. I added some money and I bought a car, I needed the car to hustle for contracts, I cant be jumping from okada to marwa, nobody gonna take you serious. A month later, I got a printing contract from one of the best companies in Lagos, the condition is to use your money for the contract so I sold the car to print the job, I bought a machine unfortunately the machine packedup, i lost the gain and money for the car but I was able to delivered the job more that expectation but I lost huge amount of money. She always complaining ever since, when I tried to encourage her that things will be fine she will ask me ‘when’.

She treats my kids as if she wasn’t the one that brought them to this world, she always using negative words for those kids, I later realized she doesn’t love me, if she love me, she’ll equally love my kids.

4 months ago, she went to visit my younger sister in osogbo, she saw the way my sister’s business was moving fine, she fall inlove with osogbo, she sent a message thus ‘dear, guess I am in love with Oshogbo is peaceful and cool’. When she came back to Lagos, she said she wanted us to move to osogbo, after much persuasion and consideration I succumbed. We moved to osogbo, I spent more than 300k. 2 weeks later, she started complaining that osogbo is boring. I was so mad. I had to risk my life travelling from osogbo to Lagos almost every week.
On the 16th of September (a day after I celebrated our last born birthday) she left for Lagos for her sister’s wedding, I gave her 12k for tfair and other expenses. I called her a week later to remind her that our first son gonna resume school the following Monday, that’s when she said she’s no longer interested in the marriage, that I should move on, I called her mother, she said I should come see her but my family stopped me, since we never had a fight and I was not the one that sent her packing that she should be the one to come.

I’m missing my kids, they’re my life, I don’t know what to do.

janellemonae:
@op truth is from everything u explained: I believe ur wife is very depressed. Impulsively moving to osogbo shows this. U just weren't paying enough attention to her state of mind. Maybe she thought ur cost of living d Lagos life would reduce in osogbo. The money situation is a major part of it. Money is d no1 cause of divorce in d world. I know some men think women are gold diggers but truth is every woman wants security. The sad part of ur situation is dt ur also trying ur best but maybe there's a reason she's not seeing dt. One of d reasons is this ur family jnterference. It's too much. Please I know u sugar coated parts of this story, yet it still seems like ur a mummy's boy.

The fact is she can't see a way out, she's not working - and clearly wishes she had a business to help u instead of begging for everything, she has 2 babies to think about, & ur marriage also seems to be delving into anger & violence. No comfort or joy at all apart from d hardship. She might even have had a bout of postnatal depression after her last baby considering d way u said she was treating her children (one of d signs of postnatal depression). I might be wrong but But these are all stressors. I understand ur also stressed but marriages go thru hard times. Both of u seem to be in d dark, seeing only ur own individual difficulties & not seeing what d other is going through. Someone needs to step forward into d light & bring ur marriage from d brink. It's still very salvageable.

PS - Please leave ur families out of all this & talk to each other alone. Take d advise of a neutral therapist or pastor. Leave emotionàl, biased parents/siblings out of it. Dts if u want ur family back.

janellemonae:
@op truth is from everything u explained: I believe ur wife is very depressed. Impulsively moving to osogbo shows this. U just weren't paying enough attention to her state of mind. Maybe she thought ur cost of living d Lagos life would reduce in osogbo. The money situation is a major part of it. Money is d no1 cause of divorce in d world. I know some men think women are gold diggers but truth is every woman wants security. The sad part of ur situation is dt ur also trying ur best but maybe there's a reason she's not seeing dt. One of d reasons is this ur family jnterference. It's too much. Please I know u sugar coated parts of this story, yet it still seems like ur a mummy's boy.

The fact is she can't see a way out, she's not working - and clearly wishes she had a business to help u instead of begging for everything, she has 2 babies to think about, & ur marriage also seems to be delving into anger & violence. No comfort or joy at all apart from d hardship. She might even have had a bout of postnatal depression after her last baby considering d way u said she was treating her children (one of d signs of postnatal depression). I might be wrong but But these are all stressors. I understand ur also stressed but marriages go thru hard times. Both of u seem to be in d dark, seeing only ur own individual difficulties & not seeing what d other is going through. Someone needs to step forward into d light & bring ur marriage from d brink. It's still very salvageable.

PS - Please leave ur families out of all this & talk to each other alone. Take d advise of a neutral therapist or pastor. Leave emotionàl, biased parents/siblings out of it. Dts if u want ur family back.

taiiremide:
Believe me, am not cold. I'll never take her back. I just want my kids

janellemonae:
@op truth is from everything u explained: I believe ur wife is very depressed. Impulsively moving to osogbo shows this. U just weren't paying enough attention to her state of mind. Maybe she thought ur cost of living d Lagos life would reduce in osogbo. The money situation is a major part of it. Money is d no1 cause of divorce in d world. I know some men think women are gold diggers but truth is every woman wants security. The sad part of ur situation is dt ur also trying ur best but maybe there's a reason she's not seeing dt. One of d reasons is this ur family jnterference. It's too much. Please I know u sugar coated parts of this story, yet it still seems like ur a mummy's boy.

The fact is she can't see a way out, she's not working - and clearly wishes she had a business to help u instead of begging for everything, she has 2 babies to think about, & ur marriage also seems to be delving into anger & violence. No comfort or joy at all apart from d hardship. She might even have had a bout of postnatal depression after her last baby considering d way u said she was treating her children (one of d signs of postnatal depression). I might be wrong but But these are all stressors. I understand ur also stressed but marriages go thru hard times. Both of u seem to be in d dark, seeing only ur own individual difficulties & not seeing what d other is going through. Someone needs to step forward into d light & bring ur marriage from d brink. It's still very salvageable.

PS - Please leave ur families out of all this & talk to each other alone. Take d advise of a neutral therapist or pastor. Leave emotionàl, biased parents/siblings out of it. Dts if u want ur family back.

discman2k2:
My friend on what are you thinking? Wetin u drink or smoke? i dont some pipu dat harras dullards with harsh words, hoe can u advise som1 to get married "before getting a good job, to know who loves..."

Pls re_ read ur post & slap urself 16 times to bring bck ur senses, dats if u realy have some.
;-):-P no vex oh!:-):-):-)

Kpac:
I would give my response JUST by hearing you side of the story.....

Situation Currently
First, i am sure your wife is not a Yoruba lady. As a culture, our ladies are not trained and taught to leave their husband's house unofficially or abscond with kids from the marriage. Whatever you were thinking, that was the first mistake.

Secondly, your wife must be a beauty queen and one which you have fought so "HARD" to win and even marry. You have lived all your decisions for her, to please her and to keep her. You have made hefty promises while you were convincing her to marry you and its unfortunate you can really keep them. You spend almost all your resource and energy to make her happy and for the past few years things have been hard, all your goal was to make it up and prove a point. Unfortunately, that goal sent you even deeper into more troubles than your plans could reveal.

I am sure you took the "lucrative" printing job just because of her, she might not be the reasons you gave everyone and yourself, but in your hearts of heart, you know you took that risk to make it big, make her happy, prove a point, keep her quiet and give you confidence as a man. That decision got you deeper into troubles.

You bought the car to get contracts and get effective in your business is another reason you gave everyone and yourself, you knew how you fantasized the happiness and hug from your wife when the car first gets into your compound and she sees it. You bought that car to gain confidence you have lost and the indirect and direct embarrassment she was giving you from comparisons.

Against what is good for you again, you moved to oshogbo to please her yet again. You wrongly thought oshogbo would "tame" her and give you some peace. Another major decisions taken to please your wife again and because you have lost the power to make the right decisions to solely please your wife, all those decisions never lasted as intended.

I wouldn't know what more you did and that you know just for your wife and to keep her.

I respect your wife because i respect you but some women are best left for the consumption social media, for photo shoots and cover pages of magazines. Choosing a wife is entirely a different course and i cant teach you more than you have learnt.

Your kids would still be your kids if you have married any woman, They are your gene, your chemistry and contains your DNA. Choosing who gives birth to them is what they require you take in their best decisions.

Your wife would always keep you on your foot even if you earn 10 million naira every month excluding tax. If you had thought there are levels an insatiable woman gets contented and quiet, you were wrong. They would continue to grow in their in-contentment and their taste and expectations would get to an advanced level as your worth increases.

Way Forward
Please visit your in-laws, seek audience and if possible request for a meeting. Get to know what your wife's expectations are and what time she would give you to achieve them, seek to know what your in-laws expectations are also of you and the time to achieve them. Seek to know the consequences of you failing to achieve them all. Seek to find out if your wife really sees the marriage as compulsory or optional. Seek to know if there are options of separations on the table from your in-laws.

This would let you know the "EXACT" situation you have gotten yourself into and give you the broad view to analyze if you can achieve them or not.

If you cant achieve them, make the best decisions for your kids and please get your life back and stop living to please anybody. Its a journey that never ends.

No matter how hard you try, you cannot satisfy an insatiable wife and its all your faults here because you went into the marriage for selfish reasons and now you have to face it.

Its hard but sincerely, this truth would send you back into the path you should really be.