₦airaland Forum

Shym3xx:
That means there's no "love" involved in the first place, hence folks say, "love is blind".

Though I'm not a believer in "love" when it comes to romance due to how cliche/transparent the word is today. However, once there are strings attached - it's fake and not real. And as a guy, you should always have that at the back of ya mind before you end up with a serpent that will elope once the strings are gone. Don't be a victim like the guy this thread is about.

https://boardofwisdom.com/cachetogo/images/quotes/9583.png

5minsmadness:
But the story was not of a man who wasn't responsible was it?

You ladies quickly see the worst thing in men and then you miraculously expect men not to see the worst in you. Lol.


As far as i can remember, the ladies started the bashing on nairaland. They insult guys at the drop of a hat then cry wolf when the guys retaliate. Guys have simply caught up on the insults, that's all. I doubt most guys here are interested in bashing women but we learnt to do so from the female folk online. I know i did.

Stop bashing guys and guys will stop bashing you. Simples.

Back to the story for instance.
Honestly tell me why the ladies in the first page responded the way they did. A story was told of a man who had fallen upon difficult times. He was not said to be irresponsible. It takes a lot from a proud man to beg but there he was, begging for a job. His wife left him. That's wrong. The op now remembered his mother and how she stood by her husbamd when he lost his own job, even when he was depressed. Thats a virtuos woman. That deserves praise. Yet they left her and went to bash the Op's father. Why would they behave in such a rude and uncultured way? If someone bashed your father here now, would you take it lightly? Why did they respond that way if they were not already primed to be bitter towards men generally?

misspicy:
[b]It is understandable that the bashing is not going to stop anytime soon,but I totally disagree that women started it.
Nairalanders have been bashing famales a long time ago,only recently like last two years that females got enough courage to type back,infact a moniker like that trolled me severally until I responded by bashing him too,even though,I initially ignored.
The (f) are just reacting because there is a limit one can take insultive remarks even if it was not directed to one.

Eg myself,most threads are not affecting me but I am forced to type something in defence of my gender.

Now to the ladies on the frontpage,I don't think anybody commended the lady on what she did,they were only against the norm of bashing women,call it paranoia but that is what this thread is aimed at,and its not surprising that many (m) monikers are out in their droves to add fabricated stories to the Initial post already.

Bottom line-------->
The men should create threads praising women as much as they create threads bashing them for a change.[/b]

Smoke2015:
http://josephedgarng..com.ng/2016/10/diary-he-lost-his-job-his-wife-left-him.html?m=1

keepingmum:
You dont trust your wife to share a major life changing event such as loosing your job/finances rather you share it with your mother and you expect your wife's support??

Who do you expect to pick up the bills and support the household in your state of joblessness? Your mother abi?

I dont know the calibre of boys that are raised these days with some very silly self entitled spirit. Why complain when wifey refuses to stay back, after all you didnt think her worthy enough to share that info.

Its like a child who fails a class and rather than go home and tell his parents, i have failed and have to repeat; you instead tell your friends. When school resumes, is it your friends that will pay those fees ? Do your parents not deserve to be prewarned of the additional responsibilities about to befall them?

Then ofcourse there is also the question of how you have being treating your wife in your days of "rolling in the dosh".

abeg i de go chop choco milo this morning

EfemenaXY:
What's well written about it?

An immature, one sided venomous, hate-filled writeup by a narcissist harbouring deep-seated issues with women folk?

Abegie.

5minsmadness:
Back then in 2010 almost all posts were anti-guys. How men are beasts and how men are hateful and how men rape little girls. And they would come in their sordid packs and attack the male gender with glee. Now the male folk are wising up, the tables have turned. Fewer and fewer nairaland guys are kissing thier asses. Hahahaha!! E dey pain them!

ChessEnthusiast:
Bro, please, answer these questions:
Why do you think those at the lower rung of the ladder in the society marry themselves? I mean the brick layers, the Baker working in a bread bakery, the okada riders and danfo driver. I do not mean to deride these professions. With due respect to them. Why aren't educated ladies attracted to these set of people? Why don't we get to see a female graduate that studied law or medicine get married to any of these people?
Let's be real here, there's always a string attached bro. It could either be money (wealth), influence, career achievements, status, physical appearance, intelligence, smartness etc
Would you accept if your sister or daughter brought home a bricklayer or an amputee or a hardworking taxi driver and say that is the person she wants to marry?

I have had a convo with a lady who share the same opinion with you. I asked her what If God reveals a bricklayer or cobler as her ordained husband, would she accept. She yelled no way. godforbid... that she trusts the God that she serves that he won't bring such a person across her way.
Can you see the hypocrisy? why say God forbid?

There's no such thing as Unconditional love. All love is conditional and that is the truth!

Dyt:
Everyone likes to be the saint
Like someone I knoe
The husband and his family claimed she left cos he had nothing
But when he had
Different women, don't sleep home weekends, partying and what not
He became broke
Wife stood by him and even gave him money but he preferred to give the gfs that was still with him
She got fed up and left

Now when you hear the husbands side, you think the woman is evil
But when you hear the wife's side, would you still say what she did was wrong?
Oh you would have said she shouldn't give him money again but stayed


We all have a limit we can take
Be it woman/man

tron23:
I weep for my generation, there is something fundamentally wrong with people these days. Recently, I heard that Gov. Serike of Bayelsa was blessed with 3 kids after years of delay. Yet he didnt throw away his wife. He stood by her side all the time.

You see, young ladies need to understand that being loyal is a virtue. Personally, I believe that marriage is for better or for worse. My late Grand father (Maternal Side) lost everything (houses, 5 cars in Kano) during the civil war. But I can tell you that by 1990, he has 5 cars and 2 houses. His wife stood by him for years, once he came back online he sent her on foreign trips -first to Jerusalem, then to the US. Now, that's what I call manning up...and repaying your woman for her loyalty.

I still dont know why people cant be sincere. Believe me, when you stand by your spouse when they are down, once they come back online things will be totally different. Recently a lady left her husband after he lost his job, just here -mid 2015. Now he just got a new job and relocated to the US, NOW SHE CANT BEG, SHE CANT TALK. SHE IS JUST MOPPING.....

Why is it so difficult for people to endure...just for a little while till things get better. Believe me no negative or bad situation is permanent.

Anyway, a word is enough for the wise. I

Shym3xx:
Well, it depends on where you live. Where I'm from, a lot handymen, bricklayers, plumbers etc. earn more than a lot of people with university degrees. And some are married to women far more educated than they're.

I've got a friend that dropped out Uni in his 2nd year cos he went to prison. And he doesn't even do a 9-5 job. We run some media thing together and he also hustles around. But his girl is a Barrister and he lives in her house. Also, I've got a next friend that didn't he go to Uni at all. He just said uni wasn't for him after college and started doing other things. He's a fitness instructor now but his girl works in a bank. Both chics are Caribbeans tho.

I don't even tell most chics I meet that I went to Uni except the naij and some African ones. And more time I only do that to shut them up when they start running their mouths about some half-baked degrees they've, just to show them that I'm much more educated than they're and with more qualifications. Not too many people care about shiit like that out here (it's the same with the US) as well. So, people marry whoever they want to marry, regardless of the level of education. Not saying there aren't other strings these women might be attracted to in these men. I'm just trying to show you that level of education is inconsequential to most people in my neck of the woods.

Now back to if a woman can love you for who you're: I'll use myself as an example. When I met the first chic I ever called my girlfriend (prior to that I just used to link chics with no strings attached), I was 17 and in my final year in college and she was 19 and in her 2nd year in Uni. It happened cos we spent time together and she saw something in me I didn't even I know possess. And she was crazy about me and every time I asked why, cos it was unreal, she had no answers. Even till this day, every time I see her, it's obvious that she still likes me a lot. This might sound like a some puppy shit cos it's more of a teenage love affair.

With my last ex, the guy she was checking before I reappeared in her life (I used "reappeared" cos we kind of grew up together but never really did anything on a level - before we both to uni and didn't see each other for a year) used to drive her everywhere in a porsche and she left the guy for me. It was just so real that words can't describe it. I never even gave her anything special, though I was getting a lot of fast things then. I'd even say she gave me more things than I gave her. I just messed everything up cos I was super-young and enjoying the life. And though we're not together anymore - that special bond is the reason why we're still very close today and she'll still do anything I ask her to do for me, apart from sex (I don't even get too close to her for that cos I respect her).

I just gave you two examples based on my experience. Ponder on both and you'd see that it's possible. You just have to be smart as a guy and know how to pick the right partners. Yes, most of the chics running around are chicken-heads looking for meal tickets. What you do with them is to fvck them and discard them when you're done. However, once you start thinking about someone you want to go the long haul with - you've to be smart about it and always look before you leap.

eyinjuege:
Dear blogger,

Women equally leave rich people for whatever reason.
Did your friend turn to the Lion of the tribe of anger after his job loss?
Did he become unbearable to live with?
What was his relationship with his wife like before he lost his job?
Your own mother wasn't and wouldn't be the only who has supported her husband in difficult times.
We see women hustling everyday to support their families despite some of their husbands not bringing in anything to the table. In fact, millions of women in Nigeria do that. Go to the market, you will see women carrying heavy load for others even while heavily pregnant, go to construction sites, go to banks, hospitals, civil service, just to name a few. All in a bid to make their families live a better life.

ChessEnthusiast:
I get your points. I have had my own fair share of wonderful chicks that I began to question whether they came from another planet. I was inquisitive about the reason why it was like that. Most confessed that they were attracted to my intelligence and that I was ambitious. I was career driven and will also go an extra length to fetch money from a side business either mostly through tutorials cos I had a flair for teaching. If I tell you how I had my first kiss, you won't believe it. It was during my nysc, a corper lady dragged me inside her room and gave me the kissing of life for no reason. Damn! It was good. we ended up dating and she was one of the best thing that ever happened to me. Her love was for real, but there was something in me that got her attracted to me..I taught physics and further maths during my NTSC. she taught integrated science, she would always asked me science inclined questions and they way I articulate my answers impresses her. she would bring tough GMAT questions to me, and I'd dissect it like kilode...i play chess, swim etc and people call me coach.
All these got her attracted to me.
Ladies like success and will flock to your side when things are going well, it doesn't mean that some if them do not love you genuinely. Like the aforementioned lady. she's igbo. Her love was real. she cared so much about me. A lady all the corner guys would kill to date, I got her on a platter. Can we still say there were no strings attached. of course, they were but they were good strings which boils down to my argument that no girl loves anyone for no reason. There's usually a reason.
My current girl friend -another wonderful creature has been a source of joy to me. She was the girl that made it possible for me to be earning mid six digits now cos I wasn't taking the interview serious because I had an offer from a multinational oil company. so I was lackadaisical about it. she encouraged me and gave me reasons why I should prepare well for the interview, she begged me. I said okay and obeyed.
This was pre oil crash era. Oil price fell and hit this company. of course, they couldn't afford to bring me in at the agreed date. they kept on shifting the date until a year passed. but I had gotten the offer from the second company and they were even better being that they do not do servicing but operate some assets. This was possible due to my girl friends advice and support. The other company called me two years later, I posted them around and then rejected their offer. I love revenge though. just to get back at them.
Now, the curious me started finding what my gf likes about me. of course, it was still the same thing other ladies had told me - intelligence and career focus. Can we say there are no srings attached.
In as much as I love my gf front and back, there are strings attached. She must keep fit, romantic and continue to offer valuable advise and support as she does while I reciprocate the kind gestures. I had reciprocated by paying her msc tuition fee.
The case might be different abroad, but in naija here and other climes in most of the cases, no unconditional love.
It's not a bad thing, it's just human nature.
Unconditional love is a myth, even god's love is conditional.

thorpido:
Wetin happen wey u come checkmate the corper lady?

EfemenaXY:


Two things: he either goofed up, or inter tribal related issues caused the break up.

ChessEnthusiast:
I get your points. I have had my own fair share of wonderful chicks that I began to question whether they came from another planet. I was inquisitive about the reason why it was like that. Most confessed that they were attracted to my intelligence and that I was ambitious. I was career driven and will also go an extra length to fetch money from a side business either mostly through tutorials cos I had a flair for teaching. If I tell you how I had my first kiss, you won't believe it. It was during my nysc, a corper lady dragged me inside her room and gave me the kissing of life for no reason. Damn! It was good. we ended up dating and she was one of the best thing that ever happened to me. Her love was for real, but there was something in me that got her attracted to me..I taught physics and further maths during my NTSC. she taught integrated science, she would always asked me science inclined questions and they way I articulate my answers impresses her. she would bring tough GMAT questions to me, and I'd dissect it like kilode...i play chess, swim etc and people call me coach.
All these got her attracted to me.
Ladies like success and will flock to your side when things are going well, it doesn't mean that some if them do not love you genuinely. Like the aforementioned lady. she's igbo. Her love was real. she cared so much about me. A lady all the corner guys would kill to date, I got her on a platter. Can we still say there were no strings attached. of course, they were but they were good strings which boils down to my argument that no girl loves anyone for no reason. There's usually a reason.
My current girl friend -another wonderful creature has been a source of joy to me. She was the girl that made it possible for me to be earning mid six digits now cos I wasn't taking the interview serious because I had an offer from a multinational oil company. so I was lackadaisical about it. she encouraged me and gave me reasons why I should prepare well for the interview, she begged me. I said okay and obeyed.
This was pre oil crash era. Oil price fell and hit this company. of course, they couldn't afford to bring me in at the agreed date. they kept on shifting the date until a year passed. but I had gotten the offer from the second company and they were even better being that they do not do servicing but operate some assets. This was possible due to my girl friends advice and support. The other company called me two years later, I posted them around and then rejected their offer. I love revenge though. just to get back at them.
Now, the curious me started finding what my gf likes about me. of course, it was still the same thing other ladies had told me - intelligence and career focus. Can we say there are no srings attached.
In as much as I love my gf front and back, there are strings attached. She must keep fit, romantic and continue to offer valuable advise and support as she does while I reciprocate the kind gestures. I had reciprocated by paying her msc tuition fee.
The case might be different abroad, but in naija here and other climes in most of the cases, no unconditional love.
It's not a bad thing, it's just human nature.
Unconditional love is a myth, even god's love is conditional.

thorpido:
Wetin happen wey u come checkmate the corper lady?

ChessEnthusiast:
Good question. Not every relationship leads to marriage. She was a good girl no doubt, but our priorities were different. After NYSC, I wanted to further my education. I got a scholarship for my masters while she wanted to settle down. As a young guy, I didn't even want to hear marriage. I was like no money, no job. My Msc took me away from her. Even after MSc, I still wasn't ready for anything marriage. I wanted to hustle, get a job, work for while before thinking of settling down. She was a little older than me. I was 22 then I think, and she was 25. I didn't care about the age difference trust me. After a while, we kept in touch, and distance took its tolls on our relationship. We stopped talking gradually and then it was obvious to both of us that the relationship has hit a rock bottom.
Am I happy to write this? Hell No! We both learnt our lessons. Relationship transcends beyond love and affection. The terms of the relationship must be defined from the very outset. Find out what are your plans? Are your plans in resonance frequency? Are your priorities the same? is the age gap appropriate? etc
As someone who doesn't bite the hands that feed, I reciprocate all her good deeds in extreme measures. We jammed once again in lag, both I already had another gf with a level of committment. we became friends again, reunited and reminisced about the good old days. She was still unemployed and her beauty has declined (she's still beautiful though) but one could tell that hardship and depression had taken its tolls on her due to her unemployment status. she's working now though but with little pay. I helped her in my own little way and gave her some amount of money to start something. I also bought her a phone recently when I noticed her phone was in bad shape.
I ain't trying to paint myself as an angel, but what I do know about myself is that i made mistakes but I did a lot to make up for them.
cc: EfemenaXY

Shym3xx:
Loool. Ya story sounds like something culled from a romantic novel but I dig it. Did you say she's Igbo? Lool. You Yoruba dons and Igbo Chics lol.

From what you posited - I can deduce that she was attracted to ya intelligence and career focus (I think this has more to do with ya aura). And it grew from there. Now let's decipher what made her stay and the staying power cos intelligence and career focus are intangibles (aura) that you can't see/touch or point to. Intelligence for example is something that comes with who you're and will be with you for a lifetime. Evidently, you can't call intelligence a string. Don't conflate tangible and intangible things. More time, those who cite intelligence always do so cos they can't really put a finger to why they feel the way they feel.

Err, I'm sure you love ya family members. Are there strings attached to why you love them?

EfemenaXY:
Ah! I understand better - thanks for being open & honest. It's rare to find that theses days.

Re the bolded: You're absolutely right. A lot of relationships hit the rocks quite early because the essentials were never discussed in detail and differences ironed out.

Although age is just a number as the saying goes, the reality is: she was ready to settle much, much earlier than you were prepared to...which is quite common in relationships where the age gap is very close, and even more so where the female is older than the male, as was in your case.

Bless you for being kind to her. You're a good man

ChessEnthusiast:
Good question. Not every relationship leads to marriage. She was a good girl no doubt, but our priorities were different. After NYSC, I wanted to further my education. I got a scholarship for my masters while she wanted to settle down. As a young guy, I didn't even want to hear marriage. I was like no money, no job. My Msc took me away from her. Even after MSc, I still wasn't ready for anything marriage. I wanted to hustle, get a job, work for while before thinking of settling down. She was a little older than me. I was 22 then I think, and she was 25. I didn't care about the age difference trust me. After a while, we kept in touch, and distance took its tolls on our relationship. We stopped talking gradually and then it was obvious to both of us that the relationship has hit a rock bottom.
Am I happy to write this? Hell No! We both learnt our lessons. Relationship transcends beyond love and affection. The terms of the relationship must be defined from the very outset. Find out what are your plans? Are your plans in resonance frequency? Are your priorities the same? is the age gap appropriate? etc
As someone who doesn't bite the hands that feed, I reciprocate all her good deeds in extreme measures. We jammed once again in lag, both I already had another gf with a level of committment. we became friends again, reunited and reminisced about the good old days. She was still unemployed and her beauty has declined (she's still beautiful though) but one could tell that hardship and depression had taken its tolls on her due to her unemployment status. she's working now though but with little pay. I helped her in my own little way and gave her some amount of money to start something. I also bought her a phone recently when I noticed her phone was in bad shape.
I ain't trying to paint myself as an angel, but what I do know about myself is that i made mistakes but I did a lot to make up for them.
cc: EfemenaXY

ChessEnthusiast:
I had typed a lengthy reply,was about to hit the submit button when my phone started shutting down because of Low Battery. It was annoying mehn. Don't think I can type them again. Yes, I love my family but I have expectations as well which I captured and articulated in my response before my phone shut down.
But we agree to disagree. Nice day bro

Shym3xx:
It happens sometimes.

Anyway, I know the word "love" is so cliche these days and folks just throw it around. But the concept of love is deeper than what folks just say casually, hence I stay away from it cos people are fake. However, from my experience I can always tell when someone is in love or not.

If there are strings attached - it's not love. Love happens organically and there are no conditions/strings/expectations attached to it. Similar to falling asleep without being able to tell when/how.

Bless...nice chatting to you tho.

steppin:
Women like are you exactly like Carol Ekanem Danjuma. They don't mind going through crap just to avoid poverty.
Are your folks that poor?

Story for the gods.
Don't know why mumu guys marry ladies like you, when they know it's gonna end up in divorce, if they go broke.

FortuneTeller:
They expect women to suffer although the man may have beaten them and cheat on them with various runs girls. Haba!

ucsparks:
can you put up your dp so we guys can knw you and try to avoid you