₦airaland Forum

Maaamaaa:
I earn 80,000naira monthly but my firm pays us 50,000naira this year and I did a contribution of 30,000naira earlier this year, so right now I get 20k a month and I use that for my upkeep... My contribution ends this month so by November salary I'll get it 50k and I'll register for my ante-natal then. I'll be four months plus then.

I have no savings for now...

I'll get my baby things from January next year because my EDD is may 2017..

You earn 50k and you guys can afford to do this type of rubbish? It is well o.

QuietHammer:
I should apologize. I've been very mean yet you never responded harshly

No worries, you don't have to beat yourself about it, I've forgiven you long time ago. .....you don't have to hide with your alternate, you can use your real moniker you know, I won't bite. Lol

Dyt:
Everyone is with a past
It will pass by
They will only murmur it for some days

It's not easy but trust me you can try
You will actually end up being the best person ever you wanna be

Btw
Where's your location?

I absolutely love your comment and adore your approach to her problem. The kindness that accompanied it is heartwarming. I must admit I have silently read your comments on other threads on various issues in the past and may have misjudged you. I know different now. God bless you

Maaamaaa:
Thank you everybody for your sincere opinion. I believe I will move on with my child alone.

Please how do I overcome the shame at work because I can't quit now, I need the money.

You are generally a good person! I have no advice for you because you kind of messed up intentionally and it seems all you really do care about at the end of the day is your baby! Which is totally ok! You broke up another woman's relationship, to me it speaks volumes of your lack of self respect and generally lack of integrity! I hope you bring up your unborn child better!!!

timy22:
Sorry abt ur situation.
I Won't wnt to blame u, bt this is my advice/ little solution

Try to get some savings , nd start looking for another better job.

Save to get a new apartment , but for the main time still stay to get. D money.

Because stay wit him might cost u ur happiness and joy and u might not be able to concentrate on many important things.

Get a new and better job and apartment,

1, To start a new life and be more focus.

2, To give the right man that will love u the chance to meet and marry u.

Lastly, I want you to believe in urself , love urself and start ur life afresh

Be Wise, and learn frm ur mistake .

God will guide u.

No! The dude has to get out of her apartment and go find a new place to stay.

ItsQuinn:
No worries, you don't have to beat yourself about it, I've forgiven you long time ago. .....you don't have to hide with your alternate, you can use your real moniker you know, I won't bite. Lol

Alright. This isn't an alternate. I had to deactivate the former.

please face d shame nw nd move ahead than piling up d shame for d future which it will be everyday shame nd regret for u........Neva mind what others in ur working place will say, let dem gossip dy ve no better tinx to do Dan dat

Maaamaaa:
Thank you everybody for your sincere opinion. I believe I will move on with my child alone.

Please how do I overcome the shame at work because I can't quit now, I need the money.

Shame and stigmatization are among the things you'll pass through, but the important thing is that you've learnt your lessons for sure.

Now, wait and see...
That guy's turn is coming, his time to cry and beg is coming. No, he's not gonna go free. His decision to treat you the way he has done will back fire when he least expects it, and how he least expects it, where he least expects it to come from, and it's going to come down very swift and hard on him.

Right now hold yourself together, take care of the kid, and put a mighty distance between you and that guy. Pray, God will see you through.

So what was your former one?

QuietHammer:
Alright. This isn't an alternate. I had to deactivate the former.

.

Maaamaaa:
Thank you everybody for your sincere opinion. I believe I will move on with my child alone.

Please how do I overcome the shame at work because I can't quit now, I need the money.

see it as a blessing. this is wat lots of women out there are praying for without signs of there prayer coming through.

my dear, u are more than what u see in yourself, be bold even when they backbite you...

Lastly, Love your Baby Which I'm sure u do because you have made a wise decision by keeping the Baby.. I love that baby.

Maaamaaa,

sad! I don't know why people are advising you to quit when the man has shown interest to marry you. That's funny.


Truth is the man is disappointed in himself, like most young men that find themselves in such situation. It doesn't make him a Satan. However, if he hits you then that calls for concern.

You said you nag him while he said you don't give him peace, I think there is a message here.

Please give him the silent treatment but don't quit just yet and see how things will turn out.


Unfortunately, the foundation of your relationship was not so appropriate but it doesn't mean fate is set to punish you.


God Bless

ItsQuinn:
So what was your former one?

"??axxy"
I don't want my stalker to know that I'm still around

QuietHammer:
"??axxy"
I don't want my stalker to know that I'm still around

No problem

I have got two beautiful sisters.

if you were my sister, I would get you to fix that thing (yeah! I mean abort)

spare me the religious backlash, you guys could fornicate unreasonably without protection.
buh, when it comes to abortion you scream foul!
go through the whole length. A mistake shouldn't make your life miserable.

with an abortion you can retain the support of your parents, retain your job,
re-evaluate your relationship and lead a better life financially.

I strongly believe it is financial intelligent to hold off the marriage and abort that thing (don't call it a baby yet).

besides, who wanna end up with a guy who is earning less than 50k a month at 32! I mean THIRTHY TWO! what's he been doing his whole life?

My dear it wont work. marriage is forever. he doesnt love you. honestly you have to abort which i dont really advise or you keep the child. do not go into marriage with that guy. goodluck

Maaamaaa:
I will try my best not be biased about our story and if you have any questions to ask please do.

I met him last year December precisely and we both work in the same office, we became best of friends but he was in a relationship (distant) and I was single.
We were really close because we both were new in town with no family around and then I fell in love with him and opened up about my feelings to him but he said he was in a relationship.

I was hurt but I held my head up and moved on. I started mingling with other male colleagues and then he became jealous and so I confronted him about it (still loved him) and u also told him to choose between us and he said he wants me. His decision was based on the fact that the other lady was far away, he thought she was promiscuous and she is an OND holder etc (I got to find out about this later).

We moved in together because of financial stress and talked about getting married next year... Late June this year I found out he had not broken up with the other lady, confronted him about it and he settled the issue.

I got pregnant July and he asked for an abortion, I insisted on keeping the baby with or without marriage.. He finally accepted to marry me and proceeded to tell my parents(he later said I forced him to that). He accused me of so many things and called me different names.

He traveled to his hometown and informed his parents about it all and met with the lady. On his return, he said the lady gives him peace and if I lose this pregnancy he will go back with her and that he loves her but he is just getting married to me because he respects my family and do not want to bring shame to me at work.

I cried, prayed and endured it all. Two weeks ago his family came for the introduction and the wedding has been fixed for December but I'm not happy.

I'm a shadow of myself, he feels disgusted by my presence and I can't say anything without him getting angry. I used to nag and quarrel a lot but I've stopped, even when I'm angry I just walk away.

He does not care about me and this pregnancy and if I tell him I'm sick or tired or anything, he will just say that I'm not the first to get pregnant and that it's when I push the baby he will take responsibility.

I have tried my best and I'm confused, last night I called him peacefully to ask him what I'm doing wrong but he said I'm disturbing him. I used to call his parents and my parents to intervene but he said I should stop that and I have stopped.

Please what can I do to save our relationship, it's not easy for me . this is not the man I fell in love with help me and please I need your advice because I am ready to do anything.

I want my child to have a normal family.

... #SBKED

maaama,i think that man values(loves) you but the way you guys happens to be in a relationship jst dnt please him,if not,he would have left your place long time ago and he is even eating your food(my dear na love o because he can cater for himself).Both of you need separate times in order to improve the relationship.just continue to do the right thing and try to summon a "little respect" for yourself by behaving as if hes just a business partner or colleague(go back to old times),He should treat you like a woman.The mistake has been made,so you have to move on and dnt forget prayer.

And i am begging God to just give me a woman to get pregnant for me since i cant find true love. Here is another man throwing his away. God please make me understand you. I need a child so desperately. Doing well and all i meet are hungry women

Maaamaaa:
Thank you everybody for your sincere opinion. I believe I will move on with my child alone.

Plea.se how do I overcome the shame at work because I can't quit now, I need the money.

since the guy hasnt laid his hands on you till this moment and respects your family enough,i dnt tink he will do that after the marriage.

Until she dies in his hands, you will come here to say heya RIP. Advising her to stick with a man who doesnt care about her. He was only enjoying her body cus his true love lived far and didnt expect her sweet body will carry him away.

TonyeBarcanista:
Maaamaaa,

sad! I don't know why people are advising you to quit when the man has shown interest to marry you. That's funny.


Truth is the man is disappointed in himself, like most young men that find themselves in such situation. It doesn't make him a Satan. However, if he hits you then that calls for concern.

You said you nag him while he said you don't give him peace, I think there is a message here.

Please give him the silent treatment but don't quit just yet and see how things will turn out.


Unfortunately, the foundation of your relationship was not so appropriate but it doesn't mean fate is set to punish you.


God Bless

Uptown7:
He's confused. Seek a marriage councillor.

Mendeblack21:
Please be careful when you make decisions base on the advice you are getting here. Everybody is blaming you for everything. Everybody is telling you to break up the relationship and stop the wedding. I disagree with them. The truth is no relationship is perfect. Most of the people advising you to quit are either not married or add worst yet, they are still living with their men. My advice to you is stop nagging. Try not to win all arguments and stop saying horrible things to him. Men are men filled with ego and superiority. When he is in bad mood don't provoke him the more and be nice to him. He will change when you realise you are the problem. He will be the best husband and a father when you gives birth. I experienced this with my fiancee (now my wife) before we got married

Carsonv:
I don't know how deep my comment would have gone but I sincerely hope you read it.

I was in this same situation. Had this girl I love and wanted to marry but wasn't ready to marry just yet but somehow she got pregnant and I felt she did that to trap me. Long story short, though I controlled myself not to show how much I hated the situation it still showed.

I've handled it and we happy as ever.

Now your man is likely getting sad for 2 things
1. He feels you intentionally did it...and you forced yourself inot his life. Maybe you did but from experience it may not be for same reasons you did.
2. He's not ready to lose the emotional bachelor freedom to go after other women
And unmentioned 3
3. He's really scared of the financial pressure that may follow all this.

Now instead of fighting him, you should do the following :
1. Assure him that with the two of you fighting together you guys will overcome the future and coming challenges and the need to stick together. No matter how he feels you guys are in this together and need to work as a team else your loved are ruined forever.

2. Show him you don't actually NEED him to survive cos right now he feels he's the center of your existence. Be strong, live life, bounce back, cease crying, love your work, hustle like a boss lady. When he sees you holding your end he'll know he's actually just a bloody employee earning salary. And he might rethink his actions.

3. Support him emotionally too...whenever u see he needs it. Trust he'll need very often. And try to make him feel like nothing had changed, he can still be the whoever young chap he was and you can still be the sweet sassy lady or whatever you were. Just try to show him nothing much changes BTW you guys. ..it's a lie that will help. Remember fake it till you make it.

Then finally you guys need to hustle like never before.

My whole point is that you might need to be the bigger person right now till he comes around to take his rightful place. You guys are in it for the long haul...better just find a way to make it work than ruining the rest of your lives.

I know somehow you wanted the pregnancy but that's no longer necessary now.

The good thing that happened to me is that I'm doing way better than I was before the marriage and I love my wife like crazy. She's the most caring and selfless woman I've met and my baby girl is an additional bundle of joy.
So how you decide to handle this will ruin or lift your lives!
I wish you the best.

*Edited* I just saw people saying walk away. You're just in the first marriage test and you want to run? Please don't take that advice. Work on your marriage and your man. If you run you'll keep running.
P.S. This will most likely not be the last time you'll feel like running so hey prepared.

TonyeBarcanista:
Maaamaaa,

sad! I don't know why people are advising you to quit when the man has shown interest to marry you. That's funny.


Truth is the man is disappointed in himself, like most young men that find themselves in such situation. It doesn't make him a Satan. However, if he hits you then that calls for concern.

You said you nag him while he said you don't give him peace, I think there is a message here.

Please give him the silent treatment but don't quit just yet and see how things will turn out.


Unfortunately, the foundation of your relationship was not so appropriate but it doesn't mean fate is set to punish you.


God Bless

Okeytus:
maaama,i think that man values(loves) you but the way you guys happens to be in a relationship jst dnt please him,if not,he would have left your place long time ago and he is even eating your food(my dear na love o because he can cater for himself).Both of you need separate times in order to improve the relationship.just continue to do the right thing and try to summon a "little respect" for yourself by behaving as if hes just a business partner or colleague(go back to old times),He should treat you like a woman.The mistake has been made,so you have to move on and dnt forget prayer.

Open your eyes madam and read what these people said above me. Don't let those that don't know you dictate your future, a lot of kids are here on this forum. Trust me if the guy doesn't want you, he wouldn't have agreed to marry you. Everyone wants a perfect love story, he is only angry because his own isn't perfect.

He needs time. Be quiet, give him peace, space, don't force anything on him and don't report him. Don't bother him with anything, I repeat, don't bother him with anything. Trust me, he will come to his senses.

Maaamaaa:
I will try my best not be biased about our story and if you have any questions to ask please do.

I met him last year December precisely and we both work in the same office, we became best of friends but he was in a relationship (distant) and I was single.
We were really close because we both were new in town with no family around and then I fell in love with him and opened up about my feelings to him but he said he was in a relationship.

I was hurt but I held my head up and moved on. I started mingling with other male colleagues and then he became jealous and so I confronted him about it (still loved him) and u also told him to choose between us and he said he wants me. His decision was based on the fact that the other lady was far away, he thought she was promiscuous and she is an OND holder etc (I got to find out about this later).

We moved in together because of financial stress and talked about getting married next year... Late June this year I found out he had not broken up with the other lady, confronted him about it and he settled the issue.

I got pregnant July and he asked for an abortion, I insisted on keeping the baby with or without marriage.. He finally accepted to marry me and proceeded to tell my parents(he later said I forced him to that). He accused me of so many things and called me different names.

He traveled to his hometown and informed his parents about it all and met with the lady. On his return, he said the lady gives him peace and if I lose this pregnancy he will go back with her and that he loves her but he is just getting married to me because he respects my family and do not want to bring shame to me at work.

I cried, prayed and endured it all. Two weeks ago his family came for the introduction and the wedding has been fixed for December but I'm not happy.

I'm a shadow of myself, he feels disgusted by my presence and I can't say anything without him getting angry. I used to nag and quarrel a lot but I've stopped, even when I'm angry I just walk away.

He does not care about me and this pregnancy and if I tell him I'm sick or tired or anything, he will just say that I'm not the first to get pregnant and that it's when I push the baby he will take responsibility.

I have tried my best and I'm confused, last night I called him peacefully to ask him what I'm doing wrong but he said I'm disturbing him. I used to call his parents and my parents to intervene but he said I should stop that and I have stopped.

Please what can I do to save our relationship, it's not easy for me . this is not the man I fell in love with help me and please I need your advice because I am ready to do anything.

I want my child to have a normal family.

are you drunk?
what relationship?
See mumu o
in fact the two both of you deserve it for nacking without condom

yinkslinks:
Until she dies in his hands, you will come here to say heya RIP. Advising her to stick with a man who doesnt care about her. He was only enjoying her body cus his true love lived far and didnt expect her sweet body will carry him away.

Bro, you don't know this for sure. Remember, you haven't heard from the guy's end?

Onegai:
That doesn't make sense, a pregnant lady is still pregnant, married or not. Go ask your HR.

Don't marry this guy. He doesn't love you, you don't love him, so why force things? I'm sure someone will tell you to go ahead, he will love you later. But no-one can promise that. Keep working, if anyone asks about the baby's father tell them with a very strong face "we met when he came to town and it didn't work out". You have to pull yourself together, you and your ex work together, you're pregnant and hormonal, I mean, you really have to strengthen your mind.

If this young man relents, don't allow him to put a ring on your finger till after the baby is born. Don't let his guilt consume your life eventually. He has to prove that he wants you for you, not because you got knocked up. So when the baby comes out, things will be rough for the first couple of months but once it stabilises, both of you can look forward and see what you both want for yourselves and your child.

A lot of guys react like this fellow after making plans and promises in the heat of emotions and then reality slaps them in the face. He did cheat on his gf and you enabled him, so you two must at least try and start afresh on a cleaner slate. But you're not going to fix things now and if you do get married, the next 6 months will feel like hell and if you're unlucky and this guy continues to hate your guts, so will the next couple of years. So put all thoughts of weddings aside until after baby is born.

This is a solid advice, dear OPs please take to it.
Additionally for me is that, call your guy, make peace with him in the best possible ways and time. You still will be connected through the child, you cannot continue hating each other even if you did not marry each other.
Lastly, you both need your space, this your continued mentioning of not having money to rent your own place and or that you both contributed to pay the current rent will not help either of you. Wishing u God's mercies, protection and divine guidance. IJN

Maaamaaa:
Thank you everybody for your sincere opinion. I believe I will move on with my child alone.

Please how do I overcome the shame at work because I can't quit now, I need the money.

I know it's gonna be hard and tough on you but I will tell you the same words I told a frieND who went through something similar, forget about all the bullshit & drama that they will say behind your back and live your life with a sexy smile on your face. that nigga of a sharp shorter is gonna come back one day. And don't go into an unhappy marriage and be miserable for the rest of your life, that leads to only one path, domestic violence....

accountbalance:
Open your eyes madam and read what these two people said above me. Don't let those that don't know you dictate your future. Trust me if the guy doesn't want you, he wouldn't have agreed to marry you. Everyone wants a perfect love story, he is only angry because his own isn't perfect.

He needs time. Be quiet, give him peace, space, don't force anything on him and don't report him. Don't bother him with anything, I repeat, don't bother him with anything. Trust me, he will come to his senses.

The ball is in her. court

Maaamaaa:
I'm a shadow of myself, he feels disgusted by my presence and I can't say anything without him getting angry. I used to nag and quarrel a lot but I've stopped, even when I'm angry I just walk away.

He does not care about me and this pregnancy and if I tell him I'm sick or tired or anything, he will just say that I'm not the first to get pregnant and that it's when I push the baby he will take responsibility.

I have tried my best and I'm confused, last night I called him peacefully to ask him what I'm doing wrong but he said I'm disturbing him. I used to call his parents and my parents to intervene but he said I should stop that and I have stopped.

You've said it all. I almost shed tears as I read through your post. You need to back off from the relationship; accept you had a fault but beyond that choose to live happy for the rest of your life. Great ppl are not ppl who always make right decisions but ppl who makes their decision right.
Think about it: folks that really love each other prior to marriage still have to take conscious effort of 'working at it' to make their home blissful... what will happen to intended families where there is not only absence of love but presence of hatred? My dear, its a disaster waiting to happen.

Focus on the baby and live your life to the fullest. Leave the rest to the Lord, I am glad you did not commit abortion. Your happiness should not based on someone.

Thank you all for your words.

They make me stronger and happy.

I brought this online because I wanted an unbiased opinion from people.

My main worry comes from the fact that he is not happy and he does not love me. I also don't want a man to marry out of pity.

People actually see it in a different way from.

My mum sees it as a hurdle that can be overcome, although she thinks we can put the wedding for a while

My dad is just so particular about the family name and believes it will work that finance is our major issue.

My sisters actually want me to put everything off until he shows me care, she does not mind being a single mother.

I confided in a married colleague at work and he thinks I should still go ahead.

A single male friend said I should go for an abortion.

I am really confused.

I never intentionally got pregnant for him and I did not break up any relationship and I did not force myself on him.

The sin I committed is fornication.

Abort that baby and move on or have that baby and move on,that man is a vile person and never loved u,don't get divorced before marriage darling.

#divorceyourselffromhimbeforeitistoolate.

Sorry for your troubles.