₦airaland Forum

1Alex4u:
In sincerity I saw this trait in her while we courted and I expressed displeasure in it. She seemed improving though in bits. I felt the change will continue as we progress into marriage but how wrong was I!!

in reality, no lady is 100% perfect b4 marriage, it's always a question of what can one manage while in the marriage no wht can you one hope to change.....

1Alex4u:
I am Igbo and married to a yoruba lady 3yrs now with no child. We moved to California USA about 2 yrs ago.

My wife can be lovely sometimes and a dare devil at other times!

My first issue with my wife is her mouth. It is as saucy and abusive as a completely illetrate woman under a abusive spell. She can 'curse' anytime...anywhere...and she can say anything even when we in public. I have cautioned, begged and even fought severally with her to express my dislike for abuses but she wouldn't just stop. We returned home
for xmas and we had a slight argument, next thing she gave me a very chilli curse in the presence of my siblings. Everyone kept mute and watched her in complete disbelief and suprise!!. I felt extremely embarassed. My elder bro had to callme aside and ask...is this first time she is doing this or is this what u have been covering up and enduring?
Pleas advice me ....what is the best way to curb this abusive habit frm my wife...is this generally a Yoruba habit or is it just with her??

Most yoruba women i have encountered curse alot but not all. it's a common theme among yoruba women you think this is small wait till they get older



Now the other issue i have with my wife is suspected unwilligness to accept and integrate into the igbo culture.

It started about few months after our wedding. We had a slight argument and then my younger sister called and greeted me in igbo. After i dropped the call, my wife pounced at me and told me never ever to speak igbo in the house if i wanted peace to rein. I couldn't believe my ears. You see, sometimes i dont blame men that raise their hands on a woman coz these are the kind of situations that can result to one. I had never been this provoked all my life like i was when she made that statement. I still wonder how she didny receive atleast 2 hot slaps that moment. We had a very big argument that day and kept malice for weeks. I kept late night and even smoked/drunk for the first time in my life.

Also, while in the usa... i noticed wheenever i mentioned travelling to my village to see extended relations, she will flair up and find one way or another to prevent us frm going. I had issues booking the flight tickets and she kept saying its God trying to
prevent us from going. When i finally succeeded in booking the flight, she called her mum to inform her that i was booking a trip to the village against her wish and i should be held responsible for whatever happens to her. She even at one point said any ritual fashioned against her will not prosper. See me see whalala
oo....!!
Although her dad had big issues with his relations and he moved to the city where he bought a house and stayed as his new abode and raised all his kids to acknowledge this new abode in the city as their home. So they were never close to any of her paternal relations. Infact none of her paternal relations came for our wedding to my greatest suprise.
On my end, i have a very extended relation from both parents and as i kid i always looked forward to travelling to the village to receonnect with relations and i still
maintain such reconnect till today.

Please i knw she reads this blog well. I need yoruba ladies who married igbo or any igbo lady to help enlighten her on igbo traditions and expectations as a wife of an igbo man. I regret not doing this before i got married atleast.

Apologies if too long...i just had ti pour out my hrt!!

mysticgal:
Lol.... Fear catch me. Besides, i am a product of an intertribal marriage and wish i could do same

pcguru1:
Widowhood in ijebu ode land is scary also i have my own experience through my mother, even as a yoruba/ijebu ode person i can't have anything to do with an Ijebu ode person not even marriage.

Acidosis:
Lol, no fear dear. We only have to face realities and get ready to ignore certain issues.


For instance, I visit my villa at least 2 times yearly. Getting married to a woman who has never been to her village will definitely cause issues. Again, the road that leads to my village is in a terrible state, dust and harmattan everywhere. Getting married to a woman who spent all her childhood and adult life in Lagos Island will equally yield serious issues. We only have to be realistic. Even if she fails to complain (as in OP's case), her mind would be filled with unsaid stuffs.

I wouldn't blame that woman actually. I'm sure she must have read a lot about widowhood in the east, etc. Reality is what I love to preach sometimes. In doesn't matter how long people ignore reality, they will face it someday.

NIGHTMAREOO7:
Hmmm where z ur dad from

Acidosis:
You wouldn't have any problem dating an Ijebu ode person. I think you know them better than anyone else, that's an edge to avoid issues, or resolve the unavoidable ones.

pcguru1:
Sometimes it not about the person but the family you are marrying into, if you know my father people and wicked they are mehn you go avoid ijebu ode people at all cost, but i get your gist

mysticgal:
I have heard about this ijebu ode people thing alot.

pcguru1:
My mother's people are Ijebu ode and are good because they grew up in Lagos, but Father's people are terrible, imagine taking the husband property after his death, trying to split the Family up (taking the kids away from my mother), and also involving fetish and diabolic stuffs.

mysticgal:
He's igbo, I am igbo.

pcguru1:
My mother's people are Ijebu ode and are good because they grew up in Lagos, but Father's people are terrible, imagine taking the husband property after his death, trying to split the Family up (taking the kids away from my mother), and also involving fetish and diabolic stuffs.

NIGHTMAREOO7:
Kkk and ur mum

mysticgal:
I normally cannot go to my village, to find who, i haven't gone there in years, don't know road sef, very hard to pronounce the name of my village, so wetin i dey find. But, if my man decides to be going to the village then, i will pack up for him, kiss him ijeoma and then go back to my business. And i can't go to the extent of stopping him from going to his root, nor ... My children.

kaboninc:
Let's wait until you're married.

mysticgal:
I normally cannot go to my village, to find who, i haven't gone there in years, don't know road sef, very hard to pronounce the name of my village, so wetin i dey find. But, if my man decides to be going to the village then, i will pack up for him, kiss him ijeoma and then go back to my business. And i can't go to the extent of stopping him from going to his root, nor ... My children.

pcguru1:
Sometimes it not about the person but the family you are marrying into, if you know my father people and wicked they are mehn you go avoid ijebu ode people at all cost, but i get your gist

mysticgal:
Efik

mysticgal:
Smh

Acidosis:
Lol, no fear dear. We only have to face realities and get ready to ignore certain issues.


For instance, I visit my villa at least 2 times yearly. Getting married to a woman who has never been to her village will definitely cause issues. Again, the road that leads to my village is in a terrible state, dust and harmattan everywhere. Getting married to a woman who spent all her childhood and adult life in Lagos Island will equally yield serious issues. We only have to be realistic. Even if she fails to complain (as in OP's case), her mind would be filled with unsaid stuffs.

I wouldn't blame that woman actually. I'm sure she must have read a lot about widowhood in the east, etc. Reality is what I love to preach sometimes. In doesn't matter how long people ignore reality, they will face it someday.

madamGift:
Not true.. pray to God to give you a good woman. I rarely travel to my village, infact, i've never actually been to my village just its neigbouring village but if I'm married to a man who likes to travel home often, I won't have an issue with it.

1Alex4u:
I am Igbo and married to a yoruba lady 3yrs now with no child. We moved to California USA about 2 yrs ago.

My wife can be lovely sometimes and a dare devil at other times!

My first issue with my wife is her mouth. It is as saucy and abusive as a completely illetrate woman under a abusive spell. She can 'curse' anytime...anywhere...and she can say anything even when we in public. I have cautioned, begged and even fought severally with her to express my dislike for abuses but she wouldn't just stop. We returned home
for xmas and we had a slight argument, next thing she gave me a very chilli curse in the presence of my siblings. Everyone kept mute and watched her in complete disbelief and suprise!!. I felt extremely embarassed. My elder bro had to callme aside and ask...is this first time she is doing this or is this what u have been covering up and enduring?
Pleas advice me ....what is the best way to curb this abusive habit frm my wife...is this generally a Yoruba habit or is it just with her??



Now the other issue i have with my wife is suspected unwilligness to accept and integrate into the igbo culture.

It started about few months after our wedding. We had a slight argument and then my younger sister called and greeted me in igbo. After i dropped the call, my wife pounced at me and told me never ever to speak igbo in the house if i wanted peace to rein. I couldn't believe my ears. You see, sometimes i dont blame men that raise their hands on a woman coz these are the kind of situations that can result to one. I had never been this provoked all my life like i was when she made that statement. I still wonder how she didny receive atleast 2 hot slaps that moment. We had a very big argument that day and kept malice for weeks. I kept late night and even smoked/drunk for the first time in my life.

Also, while in the usa... i noticed wheenever i mentioned travelling to my village to see extended relations, she will flair up and find one way or another to prevent us frm going. I had issues booking the flight tickets and she kept saying its God trying to
prevent us from going. When i finally succeeded in booking the flight, she called her mum to inform her that i was booking a trip to the village against her wish and i should be held responsible for whatever happens to her. She even at one point said any ritual fashioned against her will not prosper. See me see whalala
oo....!!
Although her dad had big issues with his relations and he moved to the city where he bought a house and stayed as his new abode and raised all his kids to acknowledge this new abode in the city as their home. So they were never close to any of her paternal relations. Infact none of her paternal relations came for our wedding to my greatest suprise.
On my end, i have a very extended relation from both parents and as i kid i always looked forward to travelling to the village to receonnect with relations and i still
maintain such reconnect till today.

Please i knw she reads this blog well. I need yoruba ladies who married igbo or any igbo lady to help enlighten her on igbo traditions and expectations as a wife of an igbo man. I regret not doing this before i got married atleast.

Apologies if too long...i just had ti pour out my hrt!!

bigcp:
this is the reason 4 courtship....i believe u dated her n u saw the red flags but u were covered n confused with love...this is d reason we shouldn't go into a r/ship with just our hrt bt our head 2...u don enter...wetin u go find 4 yoruba land wen there're plenty pretty n lovely igbo ladies...even most yoruba guys de run frm dia ladies because of these stuffs u listed...
well d did hs been done....
now u hv 2 be d man of the house...don't let ur wife bully u like a piece of shit....u r 2 soft for her...u need 2 man up...n start actin like d man of d house n not d house boy...if u continue like dis very soon she'll start sleeping outside with a real man...
u de really 4k up...I'm nt even sure u r an IGBO guy...I'm nt frm d East but i knw say igbo no de mk d kind of mistake u made....

bigcp:
this is the reason 4 courtship....i believe u dated her n u saw the red flags but u were covered n confused with love...this is d reason we shouldn't go into a r/ship with just our hrt bt our head 2...u don enter...wetin u go find 4 yoruba land wen there're plenty pretty n lovely igbo ladies...even most yoruba guys de run frm dia ladies because of these stuffs u listed...
well d did hs been done....
now u hv 2 be d man of the house...don't let ur wife bully u like a piece of shit....u r 2 soft for her...u need 2 man up...n start actin like d man of d house n not d house boy...if u continue like dis very soon she'll start sleeping outside with a real man...
u de really 4k up...I'm nt even sure u r an IGBO guy...I'm nt frm d East but i knw say igbo no de mk d kind of mistake u made....

NIGHTMAREOO7:
1alex4u this is the best advice here.
Man up!! That's the word.
U madr mistake initially.. Now u have to be d man of the house dat u are.. Say ur word and let it stand and let ur word be final.
He is ur wife and should be under u.
They marry Igbo women and enjoy peaceful marriage but their women can't give igbo men same.
Don't let her dictate for u again
The worst part of it was when u said he told u not to speak Igbo n her presence again!

WHAT RUBBISH!!!!! .
their men wana dominte our gals and u can't tel me u would still let their woman dominate u.

kaboninc:
Firstly...and lastly, that foul mouth is all I need to say NO! That's the first thing I look for in a woman. Her month.. .haba I no fit stand. Like the op said, sometimes we just have to see reasons with some women get battered because they brought it upon themselves.

And if I was in your shoes, I'll ask for a separation and if it doesn't work, I'll divorce her pronto!

There's nothing, no treasure, no gift, no luxury, nothing as sweet as having peace of mind.

Honestly, I'll just quietly leave her oh. All other 'flaws' you mentioned are not peculiar to a particular tribe but all tribes. So the first and most important issue is the mouth. There's a limit to one's tolerance.

bigcp:
i wonder what d guy is still doin with her...na until she go poison his food?...she's not a gf material nt 2 talk of being a wife material ...bross if u wnt 2 live a peaceful life u beta divorce her ass b4 she go kill u n tk over u property...i believe her mom must hv a hnd in all these...b if care isn't tkn she go begin use juju on u...na wetin most sabi do
be wise b4 it's 2late

ariesbull:
Without been tribalistic ...This is one thing I don't like about intern tribal things...It messes everything up


No Igbo woman will curse his husband in front of her umunne di.


If she does that ...She knows the implications


Oga ..Carry your cross ...Do you want me to tell u divorce her. I can't , and you have to take decision. Thank your stars no kids yet


Umu nwoke Ha Na agbara umunwanyi fa oso , ina agbakwunye FA......Onye nzuzu


Umunna gI ejekwara igba nwku ya


Carry your cross and don't disturb us here

Na we send u ?

1Alex4u:
In sincerity I saw this trait in her while we courted and I expressed displeasure in it. She seemed improving though in bits. I felt the change will continue as we progress into marriage but how wrong was I!!

in reality, no lady is 100% perfect b4 marriage, it's always a question of what can one manage while in the marriage no wht can you one hope to change.....