₦airaland Forum

yetseyi:
Well as for the curses/insults/yabbings I believe you should have noticed she has such tendencies before marriage, some of my people can actually yab a dead person and he/she will ressurect to be honest but its not a general thing and I believe its majorly because of the upbringing and environment.

If she grew up in a house where they call themselves 'weere' 'oloshi' 'oloriburuku' as pet or nicknames its going to be a major issue, uprooting such character is almost always difficult, I would have thought living in the US would have refined her a bit but as it is it has not, you just have to keep working on her. Its a big issue honestly for someone like me that hates it when people curse or insult anyhow so I can imagine how you feel. Try and find solutions I dunno if there are classes one can attend to help one speak properly and politely without insults over, if there are kindly enrol her and keep praying for her too.

As for the cultural adaptation, I believe she should know the culture she is marrying to. Quite a number of Yoruba families do not go to their hometown for a lot of reasons you can see teenagers or even adults in their 20s that have never been to their hometown before in Yoruba land, so that may be the mentality she is bringing to the travelling home ish.

Personally I still can't understand why Igbos have to congregate every December at the village but its their way of life and must be respected by someone marrying from there, everybody in Nigeria knows you guys must travel in December so I am surprised it is being an issue.


Maybe you have not told her before now, let her know its your culture to go home in December and see our people and that's when all of you see those you have not seen in a while.

I also hope she's not feeling insecure because she doesn't have a child yet and that's why she doesn't want to go to the village, I had a cousin whose wife didn't come for family get together until she had a baby that survived ,people have different approach to things.

When children start coming hope there won't be war with names, naming ceremony like someone mentioned earlier, omugwo etc etc.

By the way we would like to hear her own side of the story.

Its nice you acknowledged she's not a dare devil at all times.


This too shall pass

NIGHTMAREOO7:
Hmm obviously u are enjoying the cuccumber.
I hope its not lust though
Coz 3 months is just too short for one to change soon deep like that.
Its either u are datin igbo guy already before I made d comment or smthin

Anyways enjoy the cucumber.
Igbo man still remain s d best option for u

Vanessa88:
..frm grass to grace in last few yrs was courtesy of the woman. This marriage is obviously stemmed out of financial gain, and wife knows it and rides on it, albeit she has not yet conceive. Its not all about inter tribal marriage, tho igbo women are more submissive compared to a yoruba woman

Olanna45:
Obviously you only want to point out your griveances against inter tribal marriage.

If at all your story is true, your wife has a bad character which you choose to negelect at the onset. It has nothing to do with tribe.

I have seen several inter tribal marriages that lasted for years and still counting.

Tribalizing every issue as a nation will not help.
Dalu kwa.

ariesbull:
I told you ab initio that I will not encourage divorce because that's the decision you have to take ...But I will advise you to monitor her. She might be sleeping around. Mind my word... MIGHT is the word.



It is better to stay on the roof than staying with a nagging woman...That's Bible



Oh ,you are a man...Take decision...I am a married man also ,so I know what is better



Intertribal marriage, to me is hellish...You have a lot of things to contend and one mistake people make is that ....They always think that love is enough for marriage. Marriage is more than love . It's compatibility..Cultural, psychological,linguistic and others



Let me give you a test


Pretend that you are extremely broke, it's a test

Pretend that you are extremely broke for let's say four months ...Bring little money and stuffs . Watch her relations , watch the way she respects you and talks to you. That will be a litmus test...If she is a nice woman, she won't pretend for that 4 months ...If she is ghetto fabulous what is called Omo alata in Lagos ...It will display


This will show her reactions
Do this from now till Easter and the result will show.


Can you be a man to show this

Vanessa88:
Truth is op, didn't really throw more light on the financial aspect he gains frm this marriage, that is why no matter what the troubles he can't quit the marriage becoz of what he gains from this marriage..frm grass to grace in last few yrs was courtesy of the woman. This marriage is obviously stemmed out of financial gain, and wife knows it and rides on it, albeit she has not yet conceive. Its not all about inter tribal marriage, tho igbo women are more submissive compared to a yoruba woman

ariesbull:
U am thinking what I thought...I think it's the woman that is paying the bills and the man won't even say it .


I just don't get it

1Alex4u:
Lol...Alright lemme explain.
After graduation in 2008, i searched for jobs for 2yrs ....fed frm mouth to hand...did all menial jobs like tailoring, painting to keep body n soul.
I later got this job with a multinational company in 2011 here in Nigeria and that was the end of my suffering. i met my wife in 2012. I am currently on an expat assignment in our company headquaters in the USA. My wife was a banker back in Naija and she resigned just before we moved to usa.
So maa'm its not what you think.

ariesbull:
And you are in USA...It's a pity...You can't do much. You can't even slap her, you can't divorce her..There you will pay alimony tire.. she might even want you to divorce her so that you can pay for her upkeep . I think the best thing is to tell her to sign a document if eventually you've divorce

Or better, get another woman , don't divorce her but give the woman belle ...She will call for the divorce herself


Or are you not satisfying her sexually...Because you haven't said that


"When a woman is greasy ,is when a woman is restless "

Al Pacino
Scent of a woman

Vanessa88:
My sis u said it all, that lady made him, and he doesn't want to admit it, this is a one sided story.. Imagine no issue and she is giving u all that poo and you re comfortably taking it and willing to continue taking it.. It doesn't add up

Loisemm:
Sorry dear but are you married yet? Have you heard of partners that bring good luck and fortune to their spouses? This his wife may be the cause of his rising from grass to grace not because she contributed a dime but just because of her 'star' or destiny. He ought to hold her close if so. Cause the next one may bring financial chaos into his life.

The bible also said something about marrying a wife and opening doors of prosperity into your life. Can't rem how it put it now.

DarkRebel101:
I find it a tad hypocritical, risible even, that the self-same man who labelled his wife a cantankerous she-devil with a tongue notorious for its bombs of filth, would so overtly insult the Yorubas in his imputing of all tendencies of abusiveness to the tribe - as if to say all Yorubas are naturally predisposed to being ornery.

Going by that logic of yours, can we also say all Moslems are born terrorists, simply because a fraction of them have, by their murderous and misguided deeds, painted Islam as a religion of violence?

You say your wife throws trumpitantrums like an illiterate whenever you two have a war of words. Newsflash: you are the bigger illiterate for making such an insensitive statement about the Yorubas, and for tarring all the members of a tribe with the same brush simply because of the one isolated experience that you've had with a member of the said tribe.

It begs the question, if you could be so tactless in speech on a public forum, how then are we to be certain your utterances are not what fuels the strife in your home?

No one here can give you the ultimate formula, because no one here wears your shoes nor does anyone here know where it pinches you. To remedy the situation in your home, you are to sleuth deep into the very root of the problem.

Is she being saucy as a result of her childlessness? Is it a case of stress-rolling? Are the straitened financial circumstances the cause? Or perhaps, unbeknownst to you, are some of your actions and/or inactions what goads her untoward behavior?

These are questions only you can and must answer, for the subtleties and dynamics of your relationship are known to you alone—not Nlanders. Besides, it's incredibly difficult to pass judgement seeing as this is only one side of the story.
Who knows, your wife might have a different tale to tell.

If, for the sake of argument, we should assume all you've said are true, and that the fault truly lies with your wife, then just as Sisisioge has said, you brought it upon yourself when you failed to exercise due diligence before you tied the nuptial knot with her.

Surely some of these repugnant traits must have manifested while you were courting her. Perhaps you thought you could reroute her trajectory and change her when you both got married. No?

You've laid your bed, the least you can do is summon the cojones to lie on it. And if you find the bedding not adequately suited to your taste, you can always rearrange it to cater for your comfort, or better still, source for a better one to supplant the old one. The choice lies on the flat of your palm.

Lastly, it takes roughly a sum total of 10,000 hours for anyone – provided he/she suffers no imbecility of the mind – to learn any language to an appreciable degree.

Working on the assumption that your wife is not a fückwit and has no difficulty in learning the rudiments of your culture, I'd say the mild aversion she has for your culture stems not from an inability to grasp it, but from the inability to appreciate it.

Perhaps she's swayed by some stereotypes that give your culture a bad name.
Perhaps you and your people haven't made her feel at home—how do your relatives treat her? Do they eye her askance? Perhaps all you need do is to make her feel less insecure.

Now, I have a question for you:

Throughout your narrative you harped on about your wife's apathy to your Igbo culture, but never made mention of any attempts you've made to have yourself steeped into her own Yoruba culture. Am I missing something here? Isn't a marital union supposed to walk with the feet of mutuality? I believe if you show the zest to embrace her culture that she'll be more receptive to yours – you can't eat your cake and have it.

Inter-tribal marriages have and will always remain a thing of beauty, with the progenies of such unions reaping the benefits in manifold, for not only would they turn out to be a cross-pollination of two cultures and bi/multilingual, they'd also – since they are a product of two entirely different tribes/ideologies/weltanschauung – have broader horizons and would more likely than most have a two-, three-, or even four-pronged approach in inventing their way out of any problem.

The two persons coming together just have to work out the conflicts characteristic of an inter-tribal marriage during the time of their courtship, otherwise they are bound to make a horlicks of the union.

1Alex4u:
Another very good point.

I must say since i married my wife, it has been financial and career growth for me. Everything i put my hand into suceeeds beyond my expectations.

Let me throw a bit more light into why i went ahead to marry my wife despite all the behavioural issues i obseved during courtship.
Six mnths after we officially started dating......i told her i wanted to have good financial base before we even talked marriage. She was very supportive abt it. I was based in ibadan where my company is.....and knew little abt the area and land stuffs. She did her nysc in ibadan so she was more familiar. She did all the rallying about while we searched for land. I had no time coz of the nature of my job...i work 6 days weekly...almost 13hrs daily. She went to alot of places and rejected couple of lands informing me she didnt like the place or people or the land price wasnt worth it. We eventually settled for a land which we both liked and also built a 4bed-house within 1yr. It was alot of sacrifice frm both of us. I can count countless times she fell frm okada while going to site or coming frm site. Most of theese periods i usually was out of the country or out of Ibadan on work assignments. She did all of these even without any commitment on marriage whatsoever.
We were alwys broke and she skipped taking alot of care for herself just coz everything i earned went into the house. She didnt have a job as at then.
Cur story short, after i built the house, i engaged her 6mnths later coz i saw a partner and a friend in her.
Fast foreward to when i was promoted n transferred tothe usa...i started earning $$ and with the declining naira wxchange rate...my bank account only got fatter. She noticed my fattening bank acc and advised again that we do an investment...she even suggested a hostel and i keyed into it. Within 15mnths...i built the complete 50-room hostel...again she lead most of the cash disbursment and site followups as my work schedule in the usa wouldnt allow me time. She had lot of time as didnt have a job coz i had suggested she rested at home probably she might get pregnant if her body gets lots of rest and all that. I can recount countless of saving ideas she had advised while we built which till today saved me lots of money.

So overall she has been my backbone in life. And for these reason, DIVORCE IS NOT AN OPTION atleast not now. I want to make my marriage work...She is my wife and goodluck charm...and i wish to keep her. I just need advice on how to curb her behavioural and tribal issues.

1Alex4u:
Another very good point.

I must say since i married my wife, it has been financial and career growth for me. Everything i put my hand into suceeeds beyond my expectations.

Let me throw a bit more light into why i went ahead to marry my wife despite all the behavioural issues i obseved during courtship.
Six mnths after we officially started dating......i told her i wanted to have good financial base before we even talked marriage. She was very supportive abt it. I was based in ibadan where my company is.....and knew little abt the area and land stuffs. She did her nysc in ibadan so she was more familiar. She did all the rallying about while we searched for land. I had no time coz of the nature of my job...i work 6 days weekly...almost 13hrs daily. She went to alot of places and rejected couple of lands informing me she didnt like the place or people or the land price wasnt worth it. We eventually settled for a land which we both liked and also built a 4bed-house within 1yr. It was alot of sacrifice frm both of us. I can count countless times she fell frm okada while going to site or coming frm site. Most of theese periods i usually was out of the country or out of Ibadan on work assignments. She did all of these even without any commitment on marriage whatsoever.
We were alwys broke and she skipped taking alot of care for herself just coz everything i earned went into the house. She didnt have a job as at then.
Cur story short, after i built the house, i engaged her 6mnths later coz i saw a partner and a friend in her.
Fast foreward to when i was promoted n transferred tothe usa...i started earning $$ and with the declining naira wxchange rate...my bank account only got fatter. She noticed my fattening bank acc and advised again that we do an investment...she even suggested a hostel and i keyed into it. Within 15mnths...i built the complete 50-room hostel...again she lead most of the cash disbursment and site followups as my work schedule in the usa wouldnt allow me time. She had lot of time as didnt have a job coz i had suggested she rested at home probably she might get pregnant if her body gets lots of rest and all that. I can recount countless of saving ideas she had advised while we built which till today saved me lots of money.

So overall she has been my backbone in life. And for these reason, DIVORCE IS NOT AN OPTION atleast not now. I want to make my marriage work...She is my wife and goodluck charm...and i wish to keep her. I just need advice on how to curb her behavioural and tribal issues.

waternogetememy:
Marriage is more than love . It's compatibility..Cultural, psychological,linguistic and others
@ bolded is on Point!


Marriage is really more than love.

Feelings are unreliable and can always change. Hence u have divorce cases.

Love is not the most important thing in marriage. Though among the most important.

The bible command to Love ur Neighbor as urself. Love is also the most common thing to man.

If u think u love ur wife or husband more than their parents or siblings or children, then u are mad.

There is always someone who loves them more.

Love is not the most important factor to marriage.

In arrange marriages couple just meet on their wedding dey and still find love for one another and the love grows through out their marriage.

So, i love u is not the main factor or reason to marry a person.

NIGHTMAREOO7:
I understand how DAT dude feel.
Many months ago i wrote something exactly like this abt yoruba ladies and their behavior Exactly what d op said here...but they all came after.
Abusing me..
In fact that moniker was banned I had to deactivate it,
YORUBA PARENTS SHOULD DO SOMETIN ABT THIS ITS VERY BAD..

You can say not all of them are like DAT.. But most of them are.

NIGHTMAREOO7:
I understand how DAT dude feel.
Many months ago i wrote something exactly like this abt yoruba ladies and their behavior Exactly what d op said here...but they all came after.
Abusing me..
In fact that moniker was banned I had to deactivate it,
YORUBA PARENTS SHOULD DO SOMETIN ABT THIS ITS VERY BAD..

You can say not all of them are like DAT.. But most of them are.

waternogetememy:
Marriage is more than love . It's compatibility..Cultural, psychological,linguistic and others
@ bolded is on Point!


Marriage is really more than love.

Feelings are unreliable and can always change. Hence u have divorce cases.

Love is not the most important thing in marriage. Though among the most important.

The bible command to Love ur Neighbor as urself. Love is also the most common thing to man.

If u think u love ur wife or husband more than their parents or siblings or children, then u are mad.

There is always someone who loves them more.

Love is not the most important factor to marriage.

In arrange marriages couple just meet on their wedding dey and still find love for one another and the love grows through out their marriage.

So, i love u is not the main factor or reason to marry a person.

mysticgal:
He's igbo, I am igbo.

Jidefido:
I love your name Mystical. Seems u will be mysterious. Can i meet you?

kaboninc:
Nothing wey we no go see for Nairaland!

Make una look ohh.. .




Then this guy responded.. ...





Now the op responded to Vanessa's post...



Now Ariesbull responded the op with the post below.




a
Still Vanessa commented with this!



Now, I wonder who really needs help!

Olanna45:
seriously, NL is really not the best place to see for help. Alot of psychos hiding behind the screen of computers and cellphone. imagine advicing someone to cheat on the wife.

mysticgal:
Good morning to you. There is nothing mysterious about me, just the average girl.

Jidefido:
Average girl with some mystical elements right?

zaynie:
Better late than never.


Your wife can change her ways but needs your help. You need to firmly express your feelings about the way she talks to you but first how do you talk to her?
If she is a fire for fire kinda girl, don't expect her to keep quiet while you talk down to her.
The few times she is soft spoken, praise her a.d let her know that's when you like her best.
Or compromise, give up one thing she detests about you for one

Its perfectly normal for her to be reluctant to travel to the village. The cultural barrier, language...its wide.
Nollywood doesnt help matters with the constant portrayal of the village being ridden with witches and destiny destroyers and Igbo men as professional ritualists. You have to explain your traditions to her ( leave out the gory ones please) and hope it will pique her interest.
You also didn't tell us how your people are towards her. I'm sure they weren't jumping over the moon at the news of your marrying an ofe mmanu. Don't expect her to be happy to go to a place where she will be jeered at....I would balk too. Especially as she is going without a child. I shudder at the things she 'might' face over there.

Finally, why did you decide to marry her against all odds? I'm sure there was a strong reason.
Hold on to that.


Goodluck.

DOWHILE:
Nice piece you've got there..........shout out to mizmycoli

MizMyColi:
A very sound advice.
I remember sharing that post.

It haf Tay o...Dowhile.

How's you?

DOWHILE:
Yes sis. it haf reli tay gaan....I'm good. How's the famz?

NIGHTMAREOO7:
1alex4u this is the best advice here.
Man up!! That's the word.
U madr mistake initially.. Now u have to be d man of the house dat u are.. Say ur word and let it stand and let ur word be final.
He is ur wife and should be under u.
They marry Igbo women and enjoy peaceful marriage but their women can't give igbo men same.
Don't let her dictate for u again
The worst part of it was when u said he told u not to speak Igbo n her presence again!

WHAT RUBBISH!!!!! .
their men wana dominte our gals and u can't tel me u would still let their woman dominate u.

1Alex4u:
Another very good point.

I must say since i married my wife, it has been financial and career growth for me. Everything i put my hand into suceeeds beyond my expectations.

Let me throw a bit more light into why i went ahead to marry my wife despite all the behavioural issues i obseved during courtship.
Six mnths after we officially started dating......i told her i wanted to have good financial base before we even talked marriage. She was very supportive abt it. I was based in ibadan where my company is.....and knew little abt the area and land stuffs. She did her nysc in ibadan so she was more familiar. She did all the rallying about while we searched for land. I had no time coz of the nature of my job...i work 6 days weekly...almost 13hrs daily. She went to alot of places and rejected couple of lands informing me she didnt like the place or people or the land price wasnt worth it. We eventually settled for a land which we both liked and also built a 4bed-house within 1yr. It was alot of sacrifice frm both of us. I can count countless times she fell frm okada while going to site or coming frm site. Most of theese periods i usually was out of the country or out of Ibadan on work assignments. She did all of these even without any commitment on marriage whatsoever.
We were alwys broke and she skipped taking alot of care for herself just coz everything i earned went into the house. She didnt have a job as at then.
Cur story short, after i built the house, i engaged her 6mnths later coz i saw a partner and a friend in her.
Fast foreward to when i was promoted n transferred tothe usa...i started earning $$ and with the declining naira wxchange rate...my bank account only got fatter. She noticed my fattening bank acc and advised again that we do an investment...she even suggested a hostel and i keyed into it. Within 15mnths...i built the complete 50-room hostel...again she lead most of the cash disbursment and site followups as my work schedule in the usa wouldnt allow me time. She had lot of time as didnt have a job coz i had suggested she rested at home probably she might get pregnant if her body gets lots of rest and all that. I can recount countless of saving ideas she had advised while we built which till today saved me lots of money.

So overall she has been my backbone in life. And for these reason, DIVORCE IS NOT AN OPTION atleast not now. I want to make my marriage work...She is my wife and goodluck charm...and i wish to keep her. I just need advice on how to curb her behavioural and tribal issues.

mysticgal:
Lol.... Fear catch me. Besides, i am a product of an intertribal marriage and wish i could do same

hammerT:
no try am Oooo! Na one leg u take be igbo, if u try am u don drop that igbo claims kpatakpata!