₦airaland Forum

carammel:
This year makes it ten years that you have been married to her,why did it take you this long?

You just realised she is not intelligent and cannot compose a good text message after ten years right?

Anyways,your wife is the type that is contented with being a full time housewife,you cant force her to be what she doesnt want to be,you just need to work harder and harsher so you can have more to spend on your family.

African men love to be the breadwinner and the Lord of the house so keep bearing it.

Martinez19:
I sense great foolishness and carelessness in the nature of the op. How could he not have seen any of these signs before marriage?

Either this story is a lie or the OP is a mumu of the first rank.

igboboy3:
After allowing this comment to simmer for three days, it remains a very foolish comment.

anneboleyn:
The op is a very selfish man.......in fact just a replica of my narcissistic ex husband.......who claimed to have married me just to upgrade his status among his family members.. ....even worse leaving me all alone during the 18month duration we were married.. ..only for me one day to get court summons that my soon to be ex husband has filed for divorce in absentia with him in d US and me in Nigeria

anneboleyn:
The op is a very selfish man.......in fact just a replica of my narcissistic ex husband.......who claimed to have married me just to upgrade his status among his family members.. ....even worse leaving me all alone during the 18month duration we were married.. ..only for me one day to get court summons that my soon to be ex husband has filed for divorce in absentia with him in d US and me in Nigeria

wonukwuru:
. Birds of the same feather. Married for only 18months and got divorced because of your bad behaviour. You are not even qualified to talk about marriage. I'm not surprised by your comment.

wonukwuru:
I am adult married to a lady of 35years. We have been married since 2007. God has blessed us with 3 wonderful children( 2 boys and 1 girl). Before we got married, i agreed with my wife that i only want to have 2 kids ( I wouldnt mind if they just boys or girls. That means, Im not particular of the sex of the kids). My wife is a B.sc Accounting graduate, while myself, I am a Chartered Accountant, with a well paid job. My wife had a 3rd class degree. On several occassions, i have told her to go back to school for Post Graduate Diploma (PGD) in order to upgrade, but she plainly told me that she cannot go back to school again. When i asked her why, she told me that her brain cannot withstand any academic stree again. I also suggested to her, since you studied accounting in the university, why not enroll for ICAN program? When i said that to her, she told me that she could not go for PGD, is it ICAN that she can do? I have been thinking, what will i do for her to be like others.

Luckly, was transferred to Benin. I went with my family to Benin. We stayed over 4years in Benin. While we were in Benin, I told my wife to go and enroll for a 6months diploma programm in computer (because she is not computer literate). I paid over N110,000 for the 6months programme. My wife only went for the programme for 1month and stopped. She refused to complete the program. When I asked her, she told me that she will go back after she had "put to bed"( Then she was pregnant). Guys, its over two years now and the baby is even in pre-nursery school, yet my wife has not reminded me of going back to complete the programme.

Last year, she asked me to open a store for her, that she want to go into trading. When I asked her the nature of the business, she said, she wants to deal on selling rice, beans, yams, groundnut oil, etc. I now suggested that it will not be a problem, but she has to look for somebody who is already in the business so as to understudy the person for atleast 1month. She refused, saying that without her understudying anybody, that she can still make it. I told her that my reason of suggesting to her to understudy somebody was that, i wanted her to be selling in wholesale. My plan was to give like N1.5million. I told her, i cannot just release N1.5million to her for a business that she did not learn. I told her that N1.5million is not a small money. Brethren, that was why up til now, i have not opened the business for her.

My children's school fees is over N650,00 per term for the 3 kids. I provide for feeding. My wife does not want to do anything as to assist me in the family. I give her money for her hair, cream, bathing soap, panties and clothing. Im really getting tired. My salary does not carry the family again because of too much expenses.

Another problem now is, my wife's dressing is nothing to write home about. She dresses as if she is in her late 60s. I have complained to her on several occasion that i dont like the way she dresses, but each time i bring up the issue, she will get angry. People around, have meeting my sisters to tell them that my wife does not dress well as somebody that has gone to the university. Even in my house, my wife only tires wrapper. Nothing in her again attracts me to her. Infact, for the past 3 months, i have not slept with her. I sleep in the parlour while she sleeps in the bed room.

Else, i forget, my wife delibrately "took in" again since July last year. This is after we agreed that the 3 kids that we already have is enough. Her method is, each time i remind her of what to do as to be assisting me in the family, she will delibrately "take in".

My wife, went to the university but she cannot speak simple and correct english. She cannot write application letter. She cannot teach my kids who are in primary 2 and 5 respectively. I pay a lesson teacher N30,000 monthly for my kids but my wife is at home doing nothing. Since we got married, my wife has not sent me text message on her phone more than 3times. The ones that she sent, my brothers, there are lots of gramatical blunders. When i confronted her with the text message, she could not say anything. I was checking for some documents in my room last week, and i came across an application that my wife wrote to submit to a private school where she wants to teach. When i saw the letter, believe me, my brothers, one of my kids that is in primary 5 cannot write such rubbish.

What i thought she was before i married her, is not what she is. I cannot take her out for an occassion because she may embarrase me by her conduct in the public. I need a divorce but the problem now is, i did i court wedding with her. What should i do? Im confused.

TemmyWon:
Sir, about the "deliberately taking in" do what one of my Bosses did. *IMPLANT* it cannot be removed without your consent, his wife tried it and the hospital called him. Why not start her business with less money so she can practice with little at least you'd know if she'd succeed or fail. Peace brother.

frozen70:
Sorry for the mess, first of all she is not talented enough to continue her education, she made a third class that shows you that she almost got a pass in her university education. Stop spoiling her with money ,she is lazy and all she is good at is having babies, she caresless of her future because she has no plans. Over look her a move forward, when she realised that you careless about her she will change.

You knew she was a third Class graduate and went ahead to marry her, what did you expect? Now you are complaining about her grammar.
Your wife is unintelligent and she doesn't want to stress herself in school, why push her when you know her capabilities.

You say she takes in every time even though you want only 3kids. Are you not the one producing the sperm? I am not understanding.
you guys should go to your doctor and choose a family planning method that will suit you or you might end up with 10kids.

About her clothing issues, why not buy her new set of clothes like bum shorts, sexy gowns and lingeries. Married women most times forget that men are moved by what they see cos they are now married and the think the don't need to impress anyone anymore.There is no crime in buying her clothes you want her to wear.

Why not teach her how to speak good English since she does not want to enroll in school?

Open a small scale business for her and if she refuse to do or mismanage it, then don't give her money for upkeep anymore.

Save your marriage, don't divorce her, divorce will affect your kids I tell you.

kerryjossy:
The truth of the matter is that the poster has actually seen some other woman that he loves and wants to be with. Thats the only explanation i can give for a man that has lived with a woman for 10yrs and suddenly wants a divorce for the qualities he has seen in that same woman all through those years!.

Men and lies are like 5&6

VictorRomanov:
what about your children, how will the divorce affect them? It's actually not the best. Just learn to overlook things. The more u look at the bad she does, the more it irritates you. So just overlook them.



By the way, brethren, this is what u get when u marry a woman whose sole purpose in life is to be married and start making babies.

Hybridz:
Trust me,you get something worst if all a lady wants is to make more and more money. I personally will appreciate a woman with the qualities of the Op's wife than an extremely career driven woman,whose only main point of thought is just to amass more certs,awards,money etc without sparing a thought for a Happy family.

VictorRomanov:
You just ran to the extreme of the beam. The watchword here is balance. Marriage isn't all about making babies neither is life all about money and career.

klassic:
@Op , the problem is 99% your fault and 1% her fault. You have gradually with your incessant complains and comparative life style eroded any self esteem or self worth she has left.
Now lemme explain a little, I suppose from the begining of the courtship/early marriage , it was not so until you gradually made it so. Remember back those days instead of studying with her and encouraging her , you will rather judge her?.She can't be like you even if she was trying to please you then by trying to be like you, it stopped cos rather than communicate, you want her to live the kinda life you want for her.
The major problem is see here is she is never enough in your sight, she is always inferior no matter what she does, you don't ever appreciate her, encourage her, talk nicely to her inner person or make her feel adequate( her thinking) which you might not know. She is your first daughter as well as your wife. She honestly wanted to be that great woman you will be super proud at the initial stage, but you never really sought her ideal on how she wants to live her life as your co-pilot. You have dictacted the direction of her life either because you are domineering and always feels you know better. It only gets worse. I bet the sex is boring too , cos she is the traditional type and the sex is no longer appealing.
She is at the rebellion stage where she does that which she knows you hate, just to get back at you, make you feel part of what she is feeling or used to feel if she has gotten to the point of I don't care no more.
You have unintentionally in the name of giving her a better life , stripped her of her dignity as a person and this is the only weapon she has left to fight.
From your diction, one could simply infer you are the social type and you ain't proud of her perhaps you married her out of pity cos she sacrificed for you or something , not out of unconditional love or you knew she was like this from the on set but felt since she has the qualities you wanted in a wife , you can always change this aspect with time perhaps when the money starts coming in. Another guess, she was there when you had nothing and she loved you for who you are and your wealth does not move her. She is the churchy traditional wife who believes she must do things the way her mother did and anything trendy is a sin. She looks up to your pastor and the wife as her role model .
You seldomly take her out cos you are afraid she will embarrass you. You are not proud of her enough to showcase her to the world . You want a classy, sexy, brilliant , well read, and perhaps independent woman you will be so proud to showcase to your friends and colleagues at parties , functions, etc.
Truth is you had pure raw gold and you missed it. I don't think it's too late anyway.
I am speaking from experience cos I married an SSCE holder who speaks her mind and I used to feel this way, but I discovered earlier enough I was making a blunder, the day she said" I know I will never be adequate for you, I know you won't show me to your friends cos you think I know nothing and can't even speak good english. Anyway live your life, have girlfriends like you have always done and leave me let me be"
That was when I realised I was her mentor, teacher , and what she becomes I have huge role to play. And ibhave failed her.today I buy her books and if there is a word she can't pronounce she writes it down and when I come back I teach her and we laugh over it. She is better at it now. Learn to teach her . She is your daughter.
You have psychologically conditioned her to live the kind of life you think is best for her and not the kind of life she wants. Hope this ain't happening to the kids too?
Keeps your intellectuals out of this, start from this, buy her a trendy cloth with accessories to match on a Friday or so, have someone baby sit your kids, take her to dinner, then to see some Friday night movies or what ever She used to like back then. Just take her out and don't come back home that night , book a lodge and have a heart to heart talk with her. Apologise to her cos you owe her one, find out how she wants to live her life. If it's the food stuffs, let her start small, help her manage her sales book not by dictating how it should be done, but by advising and playing a supportive role and watch her grow. After all na there money dey now. So use your brain package am for her in a classy way. But with her permission oooooo. Just encourage and play advisory role.
After 6 months to a year , rather than give her the rest of the balance to dev into wholesales,make it look like a loan from a bank. She must always pay back and motivate her. Stop making her wanna try or live your life . Thanks.

Sorry it's long or I took it personal. I once lived the life of another. @Op , if I came out strong , my aplogies , I feel we should tell ourselves the truth. Divorce is not the answer, I have handled several divorce matters and I came from one technically. It only creates a void nothing can ever fill. Cos you will also admits she has a great side other women don't have. When you see a lady with what your wife lacks, she might not have her good side , and then you want someone with her good side again. It's a rat race. Fix this marriage and make it work. After all the good talk, gradually take her shopping as friends and buy some few clothes .Don't over do this cos soon u will complain she dresses like a harlot cos she might over do it just to please you. Be moderate in all. Thanks.

wonukwuru:
I know that, but its very surprising that a graduate cannot teach a primary 2 and primary 5 pupils. Even when the textbooks contains lots of solved examples. If she is an average student, i will understand. But the truth is that she is below average. Somebody that cannot write a formal and an informal letter, cannot send text message with a simple and correct english and does not even know her "safe period". In this era, a graduate cannot or does not know how to use the computer, does not know what Facebook, Whatsapp, etc is all about. I begin to imagine if the person is in this part of the world. Im complaining, and some persons are telling me that if i truly love her, i should over look all her faults. What kind of love are they talking about? A situation i will tell her to remove the clothe she is wearing and wear another one, and she ignores me. If its you, can you take such? I bought a car for her last year, she will also expect me to fuel the car for on every two days. She is expected to use the car to take my kids to school and bring them back, but she will use the car to run round the whole town and expects me to fuel it and my own car. If she was working or doing business, is she not the person to fuel the car? Must i be the one to do everything? My building project has stopped for over a year because no money to continue. We are still living in a rented apartment. The lady that you call your wife will not want to do anything to assist in the up-keep of the family. Of a truth, i married her when i have not gotten a job but she was not the person that contributed to my getting a job. We were dating when i was writting my professional exams (ICAN), if was reasonable and ready to learn, will she not have joined me seeing that we studied the same course in the university? For your information, I met her in the university. I was just a year ahead of her.

Hybridz:
It's been up to a year since you posted this,all along while I was reading,it felt like a novel that was just published hours ago.
Thanks for this insightful contribution,d law, cos I presume you're a barrister.

chinene1:
I understand you but sir, I think you need to sit her down and ask what exactly she wants to do with her life.
You made a lot of suggestions aimed at helping her better herself but it seems she was and is not interested in any. Hence she refused to follow up with them.
I agree 1.5m is a large sum but then you could give her the money in bits. E.g, first give her money for the shop. Once she gets one then give her money for renovating it before money for stocking it.
Once she has something that will get her out of the house regularly her dressing may improve and so will her spoken English because she will have to interact with people.
On having more babies, you both need to agree on a type of family planning method. A large family will surely put a strain on your income. Both parties are supposed to be involved in family planning.
Don't just give up. Keep trying and be patient. It will all work out.

wonukwuru:
My wife had a 3rd class degree.

She plainly told me that she cannot go back to school again. When i asked her why, she told me that her brain cannot withstand any academic stree again.

I also suggested to her, since you studied accounting in the university, why not enroll for ICAN program? When i said that to her, she told me that she could not go for PGD, is it ICAN that she can do?

I have been thinking, what will i do for her to be like others.

Guys, its over two years now and the baby is even in pre-nursery school, yet my wife has not reminded me of going back to complete the programme.

I told her that N1.5million is not a small money. Brethren, that was why up til now, i have not opened the business for her.

My wife does not want to do anything as to assist me in the family. I give her money for her hair, cream, bathing soap, panties and clothing.

Another problem now is, my wife's dressing is nothing to write home about. She dresses as if she is in her late 60s.
Each time i bring up the issue, she will get angry.

People around, have meeting my sisters to tell them that my wife does not dress well as somebody that has gone to the university.

Even in my house, my wife only tires wrapper. Nothing in her again attracts me to her. Infact, for the past 3 months, i have not slept with her.

I sleep in the parlour while she sleeps in the bed room.

Else, i forget, my wife delibrately "took in" again since July last year. Her method is, each time i remind her of what to do as to be assisting me in the family, she will delibrately "take in".

My wife, went to the university but she cannot speak simple and correct english. She cannot write application letter. She cannot teach my kids who are in primary 2 and 5 respectively.

Since we got married, my wife has not sent me text message on her phone more than 3times. The ones that she sent, my brothers, there are lots of gramatical blunders.

When i confronted her with the text message, she could not say anything.

I cannot take her out for an occassion because she may embarrase me by her conduct in the public.

I need a divorce but the problem now is, i did i court wedding with her. What should i do? Im confused.

Ilekokonit:
You are confused because you are not grateful for the simple minded GOOD WIFE God gave you.

Leave the homely woman God gave you to be herself and stop trying to change or re-arrange her and stop thinking of what nosy in-laws, outlaws and outsiders are saying about your wife.

Why do you think some highly educated men marry illiterates ?

Its like you don't want the peace of mind God has blessed you with in your simple minded unambitious wife and you think the grass is greener on the other side.

You better appreciate the good woman God has blessed you with or you may make the mistake of divorcing her because you are judging her by what other people think of her and your replacement wife may turn out to be a slay queen from hell.

The choice is yours but stop trying to force your wife to do courses she is not interested in after all some people have willingly dropped out of medical school after being forced there by over bearing parents.

Love this woman for who she is whilst you still have a chance. Remember she also has a creator who is watching everything.

wonukwuru:
I am adult married to a lady of 35years. We have been married since 2007. God has blessed us with 3 wonderful children( 2 boys and 1 girl). Before we got married, i agreed with my wife that i only want to have 2 kids ( I wouldnt mind if they just boys or girls. That means, Im not particular of the sex of the kids). My wife is a B.sc Accounting graduate, while myself, I am a Chartered Accountant, with a well paid job. My wife had a 3rd class degree. On several occassions, i have told her to go back to school for Post Graduate Diploma (PGD) in order to upgrade, but she plainly told me that she cannot go back to school again. When i asked her why, she told me that her brain cannot withstand any academic stree again. I also suggested to her, since you studied accounting in the university, why not enroll for ICAN program? When i said that to her, she told me that she could not go for PGD, is it ICAN that she can do? I have been thinking, what will i do for her to be like others.

Luckly, was transferred to Benin. I went with my family to Benin. We stayed over 4years in Benin. While we were in Benin, I told my wife to go and enroll for a 6months diploma programm in computer (because she is not computer literate). I paid over N110,000 for the 6months programme. My wife only went for the programme for 1month and stopped. She refused to complete the program. When I asked her, she told me that she will go back after she had "put to bed"( Then she was pregnant). Guys, its over two years now and the baby is even in pre-nursery school, yet my wife has not reminded me of going back to complete the programme.

Last year, she asked me to open a store for her, that she want to go into trading. When I asked her the nature of the business, she said, she wants to deal on selling rice, beans, yams, groundnut oil, etc. I now suggested that it will not be a problem, but she has to look for somebody who is already in the business so as to understudy the person for atleast 1month. She refused, saying that without her understudying anybody, that she can still make it. I told her that my reason of suggesting to her to understudy somebody was that, i wanted her to be selling in wholesale. My plan was to give like N1.5million. I told her, i cannot just release N1.5million to her for a business that she did not learn. I told her that N1.5million is not a small money. Brethren, that was why up til now, i have not opened the business for her.

My children's school fees is over N650,00 per term for the 3 kids. I provide for feeding. My wife does not want to do anything as to assist me in the family. I give her money for her hair, cream, bathing soap, panties and clothing. Im really getting tired. My salary does not carry the family again because of too much expenses.

Another problem now is, my wife's dressing is nothing to write home about. She dresses as if she is in her late 60s. I have complained to her on several occasion that i dont like the way she dresses, but each time i bring up the issue, she will get angry. People around, have meeting my sisters to tell them that my wife does not dress well as somebody that has gone to the university. Even in my house, my wife only tires wrapper. Nothing in her again attracts me to her. Infact, for the past 3 months, i have not slept with her. I sleep in the parlour while she sleeps in the bed room.

Else, i forget, my wife delibrately "took in" again since July last year. This is after we agreed that the 3 kids that we already have is enough. Her method is, each time i remind her of what to do as to be assisting me in the family, she will delibrately "take in".

My wife, went to the university but she cannot speak simple and correct english. She cannot write application letter. She cannot teach my kids who are in primary 2 and 5 respectively. I pay a lesson teacher N30,000 monthly for my kids but my wife is at home doing nothing. Since we got married, my wife has not sent me text message on her phone more than 3times. The ones that she sent, my brothers, there are lots of gramatical blunders. When i confronted her with the text message, she could not say anything. I was checking for some documents in my room last week, and i came across an application that my wife wrote to submit to a private school where she wants to teach. When i saw the letter, believe me, my brothers, one of my kids that is in primary 5 cannot write such rubbish.

What i thought she was before i married her, is not what she is. I cannot take her out for an occassion because she may embarrase me by her conduct in the public. I need a divorce but the problem now is, i did i court wedding with her. What should i do? Im confused.

wonukwuru:
I am adult married to a lady of 35years. We have been married since 2007. God has blessed us with 3 wonderful children( 2 boys and 1 girl). Before we got married, i agreed with my wife that i only want to have 2 kids ( I wouldnt mind if they just boys or girls. That means, Im not particular of the sex of the kids). My wife is a B.sc Accounting graduate, while myself, I am a Chartered Accountant, with a well paid job. My wife had a 3rd class degree. On several occassions, i have told her to go back to school for Post Graduate Diploma (PGD) in order to upgrade, but she plainly told me that she cannot go back to school again. When i asked her why, she told me that her brain cannot withstand any academic stree again. I also suggested to her, since you studied accounting in the university, why not enroll for ICAN program? When i said that to her, she told me that she could not go for PGD, is it ICAN that she can do? I have been thinking, what will i do for her to be like others.

Luckly, was transferred to Benin. I went with my family to Benin. We stayed over 4years in Benin. While we were in Benin, I told my wife to go and enroll for a 6months diploma programm in computer (because she is not computer literate). I paid over N110,000 for the 6months programme. My wife only went for the programme for 1month and stopped. She refused to complete the program. When I asked her, she told me that she will go back after she had "put to bed"( Then she was pregnant). Guys, its over two years now and the baby is even in pre-nursery school, yet my wife has not reminded me of going back to complete the programme.

Last year, she asked me to open a store for her, that she want to go into trading. When I asked her the nature of the business, she said, she wants to deal on selling rice, beans, yams, groundnut oil, etc. I now suggested that it will not be a problem, but she has to look for somebody who is already in the business so as to understudy the person for atleast 1month. She refused, saying that without her understudying anybody, that she can still make it. I told her that my reason of suggesting to her to understudy somebody was that, i wanted her to be selling in wholesale. My plan was to give like N1.5million. I told her, i cannot just release N1.5million to her for a business that she did not learn. I told her that N1.5million is not a small money. Brethren, that was why up til now, i have not opened the business for her.

My children's school fees is over N650,00 per term for the 3 kids. I provide for feeding. My wife does not want to do anything as to assist me in the family. I give her money for her hair, cream, bathing soap, panties and clothing. Im really getting tired. My salary does not carry the family again because of too much expenses.

Another problem now is, my wife's dressing is nothing to write home about. She dresses as if she is in her late 60s. I have complained to her on several occasion that i dont like the way she dresses, but each time i bring up the issue, she will get angry. People around, have meeting my sisters to tell them that my wife does not dress well as somebody that has gone to the university. Even in my house, my wife only tires wrapper. Nothing in her again attracts me to her. Infact, for the past 3 months, i have not slept with her. I sleep in the parlour while she sleeps in the bed room.

Else, i forget, my wife delibrately "took in" again since July last year. This is after we agreed that the 3 kids that we already have is enough. Her method is, each time i remind her of what to do as to be assisting me in the family, she will delibrately "take in".

My wife, went to the university but she cannot speak simple and correct english. She cannot write application letter. She cannot teach my kids who are in primary 2 and 5 respectively. I pay a lesson teacher N30,000 monthly for my kids but my wife is at home doing nothing. Since we got married, my wife has not sent me text message on her phone more than 3times. The ones that she sent, my brothers, there are lots of gramatical blunders. When i confronted her with the text message, she could not say anything. I was checking for some documents in my room last week, and i came across an application that my wife wrote to submit to a private school where she wants to teach. When i saw the letter, believe me, my brothers, one of my kids that is in primary 5 cannot write such rubbish.

What i thought she was before i married her, is not what she is. I cannot take her out for an occassion because she may embarrase me by her conduct in the public. I need a divorce but the problem now is, i did i court wedding with her. What should i do? Im confused.