I only have an issue with those nitwits asking if he didn't notice all of these during courtship. The deed has been done, he's married to the chic already, give him a piece of advice or get the fvck off!

wonukwuru:
I have taken time to read all your wonderful comments, even though some are very insulting. For crying out loud, why will come online to discuss my family if I don't need a solution? I said in my post that my wife deliberately takes in anytime I remind her of what to do to assist in the family. Some of you are asking if I'm not the person doing it and why don't I use condom. For your information, my wife is the type that does not like her husband using condom on her. In fact, the day she saw condom in the house, she went to our pastor to report me that I'm using it outside. Her reasoning is that anybody with a condom is an "ashawo". On the other issue, it's not as if I never noticed her academic backwardness during our courtshithough my thought was that she will improve beside, she had over 2years extra for a course of 4years and by then we are already married. So, how could I have known that she will graduate with 3rd class? Believe me guys, I cannot lie against her on this platform. All I have said is nothing but the truth. Ok, tell me, will I stop sleeping with my wife? I have even complained to the sisters. I did not initiate this post to be rediculed, all I need is matured advice on how to handle the situation. Agreed, I made a mistake by marrying her in the first place, but it has already happened, what do I do? I'm not foolish or careless as somebody commented above.

Divorce her. You should start planning on getting rid of her.

I am in exactly the same boat as you. Only difference would be the number of kids and her age.

I got married 2012 after a courtship of 5 years. My wife too graduated with a third class. No drive to succeed. All she does is sit home and pray against the malvolent forces that are making me hate her.

She cant cook nything other than Indomie. Lazy b itch that she is.

Unfortunately I now have a son from her. Wish I could turn back time in her case.

Most of tge commenters would say its your fault for not discovering this during courtship, but the truth is men are human. These problems are cleverly hidden during courtship by females. Who would see these things and still intend on marrying her.

START PLANNING A DIVORCE. As you mentioned court marriage, you can petition that her influence on the family is determintal to the kids wellbeing. The court would grant it once you bring that type of argument.

There is no molding her in the future. She will suck your finances and be a clog for your progress.

Believe me I have developed a timeline for my own divorce.

Ebuka2016:

ok...nice one there

Thank u

Focus on her strengths and dwell less on her weakness. DIVORCE IS NOT AN OPTION.SAY NO TO DIVORCE!!!!!!!

At least she is not involved in immorality. You will end up spending more if you divorce her and the new wife will not accept your kids. She will give birth to at least 2 kids, giving you a total of 6 kids.
On her dressing you can buy her the clothes of your choice.

wonukwuru:
I am adult married to a lady of 35years. We have been married since 2007. God has blessed us with 3 wonderful children( 2 boys and 1 girl). Before we got married, i agreed with my wife that i only want to have 2 kids ( I wouldnt mind if they just boys or girls. That means, Im not particular of the sex of the kids). My wife is a B.sc Accounting graduate, while myself, I am a Chartered Accountant, with a well paid job. My wife had a 3rd class degree. On several occassions, i have told her to go back to school for Post Graduate Diploma (PGD) in order to upgrade, but she plainly told me that she cannot go back to school again. When i asked her why, she told me that her brain cannot withstand any academic stree again. I also suggested to her, since you studied accounting in the university, why not enroll for ICAN program? When i said that to her, she told me that she could not go for PGD, is it ICAN that she can do? I have been thinking, what will i do for her to be like others.

Luckly, was transferred to Benin. I went with my family to Benin. We stayed over 4years in Benin. While we were in Benin, I told my wife to go and enroll for a 6months diploma programm in computer (because she is not computer literate). I paid over N110,000 for the 6months programme. My wife only went for the programme for 1month and stopped. She refused to complete the program. When I asked her, she told me that she will go back after she had "put to bed"( Then she was pregnant). Guys, its over two years now and the baby is even in pre-nursery school, yet my wife has not reminded me of going back to complete the programme.

Last year, she asked me to open a store for her, that she want to go into trading. When I asked her the nature of the business, she said, she wants to deal on selling rice, beans, yams, groundnut oil, etc. I now suggested that it will not be a problem, but she has to look for somebody who is already in the business so as to understudy the person for atleast 1month. She refused, saying that without her understudying anybody, that she can still make it. I told her that my reason of suggesting to her to understudy somebody was that, i wanted her to be selling in wholesale. My plan was to give like N1.5million. I told her, i cannot just release N1.5million to her for a business that she did not learn. I told her that N1.5million is not a small money. Brethren, that was why up til now, i have not opened the business for her.

My children's school fees is over N650,00 per term for the 3 kids. I provide for feeding. My wife does not want to do anything as to assist me in the family. I give her money for her hair, cream, bathing soap, panties and clothing. Im really getting tired. My salary does not carry the family again because of too much expenses.

Another problem now is, my wife's dressing is nothing to write home about. She dresses as if she is in her late 60s. I have complained to her on several occasion that i dont like the way she dresses, but each time i bring up the issue, she will get angry. People around, have meeting my sisters to tell them that my wife does not dress well as somebody that has gone to the university. Even in my house, my wife only tires wrapper. Nothing in her again attracts me to her. Infact, for the past 3 months, i have not slept with her. I sleep in the parlour while she sleeps in the bed room.

Else, i forget, my wife delibrately "took in" again since July last year. This is after we agreed that the 3 kids that we already have is enough. Her method is, each time i remind her of what to do as to be assisting me in the family, she will delibrately "take in".

My wife, went to the university but she cannot speak simple and correct english. She cannot write application letter. She cannot teach my kids who are in primary 2 and 5 respectively. I pay a lesson teacher N30,000 monthly for my kids but my wife is at home doing nothing. Since we got married, my wife has not sent me text message on her phone more than 3times. The ones that she sent, my brothers, there are lots of gramatical blunders. When i confronted her with the text message, she could not say anything. I was checking for some documents in my room last week, and i came across an application that my wife wrote to submit to a private school where she wants to teach. When i saw the letter, believe me, my brothers, one of my kids that is in primary 5 cannot write such rubbish.

What i thought she was before i married her, is not what she is. I cannot take her out for an occassion because she may embarrase me by her conduct in the public. I need a divorce but the problem now is, i did i court wedding with her. What should i do? Im confused.

I'M THE BEST DIVORCE LAWYER MONEY CAN BUY......PM ME LETS TALK

Henryfour:
best advice so far ,u r a gud person, I want to add DT he c[b]ud give her 200000 out of 1.5 so she can start small if she manages DT one well u can now add more money, [/b]dnt divorce ur wife buy her d kind of clothe u wud want Ber wear

Nice idea.. i hope he reads all these
And hav a rethink of divorcing her

wonukwuru:
I am adult married to a lady of 35years. We have been married since 2007. God has blessed us with 3 wonderful children( 2 boys and 1 girl). Before we got married, i agreed with my wife that i only want to have 2 kids ( I wouldnt mind if they just boys or girls. That means, Im not particular of the sex of the kids). My wife is a B.sc Accounting graduate, while myself, I am a Chartered Accountant, with a well paid job. My wife had a 3rd class degree. On several occassions, i have told her to go back to school for Post Graduate Diploma (PGD) in order to upgrade, but she plainly told me that she cannot go back to school again. When i asked her why, she told me that her brain cannot withstand any academic stree again. I also suggested to her, since you studied accounting in the university, why not enroll for ICAN program? When i said that to her, she told me that she could not go for PGD, is it ICAN that she can do? I have been thinking, what will i do for her to be like others.

Luckly, was transferred to Benin. I went with my family to Benin. We stayed over 4years in Benin. While we were in Benin, I told my wife to go and enroll for a 6months diploma programm in computer (because she is not computer literate). I paid over N110,000 for the 6months programme. My wife only went for the programme for 1month and stopped. She refused to complete the program. When I asked her, she told me that she will go back after she had "put to bed"( Then she was pregnant). Guys, its over two years now and the baby is even in pre-nursery school, yet my wife has not reminded me of going back to complete the programme.

Last year, she asked me to open a store for her, that she want to go into trading. When I asked her the nature of the business, she said, she wants to deal on selling rice, beans, yams, groundnut oil, etc. I now suggested that it will not be a problem, but she has to look for somebody who is already in the business so as to understudy the person for atleast 1month. She refused, saying that without her understudying anybody, that she can still make it. I told her that my reason of suggesting to her to understudy somebody was that, i wanted her to be selling in wholesale. My plan was to give like N1.5million. I told her, i cannot just release N1.5million to her for a business that she did not learn. I told her that N1.5million is not a small money. Brethren, that was why up til now, i have not opened the business for her.

My children's school fees is over N650,00 per term for the 3 kids. I provide for feeding. My wife does not want to do anything as to assist me in the family. I give her money for her hair, cream, bathing soap, panties and clothing. Im really getting tired. My salary does not carry the family again because of too much expenses.

Another problem now is, my wife's dressing is nothing to write home about. She dresses as if she is in her late 60s. I have complained to her on several occasion that i dont like the way she dresses, but each time i bring up the issue, she will get angry. People around, have meeting my sisters to tell them that my wife does not dress well as somebody that has gone to the university. Even in my house, my wife only tires wrapper. Nothing in her again attracts me to her. Infact, for the past 3 months, i have not slept with her. I sleep in the parlour while she sleeps in the bed room.

Else, i forget, my wife delibrately "took in" again since July last year. This is after we agreed that the 3 kids that we already have is enough. Her method is, each time i remind her of what to do as to be assisting me in the family, she will delibrately "take in".

My wife, went to the university but she cannot speak simple and correct english. She cannot write application letter. She cannot teach my kids who are in primary 2 and 5 respectively. I pay a lesson teacher N30,000 monthly for my kids but my wife is at home doing nothing. Since we got married, my wife has not sent me text message on her phone more than 3times. The ones that she sent, my brothers, there are lots of gramatical blunders. When i confronted her with the text message, she could not say anything. I was checking for some documents in my room last week, and i came across an application that my wife wrote to submit to a private school where she wants to teach. When i saw the letter, believe me, my brothers, one of my kids that is in primary 5 cannot write such rubbish.

What i thought she was before i married her, is not what she is. I cannot take her out for an occassion because she may embarrase me by her conduct in the public. I need a divorce but the problem now is, i did i court wedding with her. What should i do? Im confused.

Bro...all the problem you mentioned here are not vital, they are simple problems that can be corrected compared to some marriage wahalas. Bro, to be honest, if u you jam marriage problem, you will not have enough time to compose all this correctly. I just noticed you want everything to go your own way. Allow her live her natural life, she cant be what she is not. GEJ wife is an illiterate yet, she represented the whole women of nigeria for 6yrs. Its not as if she is an infidel, allow her do her petty trading, instead start with 200k and pump money later when you are sure she is good in it. If u divorce her and marry baby oku...sorry for you.

op pls download this book. it will help you
things i wish i had known before i got married. i wish i can share it here. just google it Things i wish i had known before i got married


things i wish i had known before i got married.pdf
https://www.google.com.ng/search?q=things+i+wish+i+had+known+before+i+got+married.pdf&client=ms-opera-mini-android&channel=new&gws_rd=cr,ssl&ei=vs1sWP3lO8y-aMXrmHA

klassic:


My thought, but in as much as I blame op, I think either he genuinely wants advice on how to change things around the home, or wants a reason to put her aside via divorce which does more harm than good.Cos divorce is like smoking or drinking. Once you toll that line, no one will ever be good enough cos you can always divorce em.

By the way , why ain't you sleeping nocturnal?

I was reading
Good morning

Kellibae:
Naturally Shez not d school type.
I dnt know where to start ooo.

I can feel ur pain... sorry op
But ill be back.

*Modifed*.. but op education aint everythin.
Pls accept her d way she is i wont advice divorce...
As for her poor dressing u can always do somethin abt.
U can employ a fashionista or if u dnt hav d money u can consult any of ur relative who
Has better dress sense to stay with u guys for few months to help her..
bliv she would be better.

As for her business i think she has to learn it as u rightly said..before venturing into it.
Your wife aint cheatin on u no quarelling u.
So dnt divorce her...U can polish her.
Accept her the d way she is cox the way u goin about could affect her esteem and make her feel shez a worthless numbskull.

BETTER THE ANGEL U KNOW THAN THE DEVIL U DONT.

my thoughts exactly...pls accept her d way she is n do all u can to improve her...rememeber that we r all very different n Unique individuals.Never give up on her please.

chardyni:


Divorce her. You should start planning on getting rid of her.

I am in exactly the same boat as you. Only difference would be the number of kids and her age.

I got married 2012 after a courtship of 5 years. My wife too graduated with a third class. No drive to succeed. All she does is sit home and pray against the malvolent forces that are making me hate her.

She cant cook nything other than Indomie. Lazy b itch that she is.

Unfortunately I now have a son from her. Wish I could turn back time in her case.

Most of tge commenters would say its your fault for not discovering this during courtship, but the truth is men are human. These problems are cleverly hidden during courtship by females. Who would see these things and still intend on marrying her.

START PLANNING A DIVORCE. As you mentioned court marriage, you can petition that her influence on the family is determintal to the kids wellbeing. The court would grant it once you bring that type of argument.

There is no molding her in the future. She will suck your finances and be a clog for your progress.

Believe me I have developed a timeline for my own divorce.

OMG
dat is so unfair oo
Y call her all names
U want to tell me dat thru out ur courtship she didn't cook for u at all,na wa ooo. Divorce is nvr d answer, at least think of ur Son, oga oo

Toks2008:


I will be very blunt with you bro. .you are your own problem.

Yes there are three sides to every story which is his version her version and the truth but I will advice you based on the version you just presented.

You seem to be very autocratic in your dealings with her...for Petes sake why force education on her?

If she says she is done with schooling then let her be...now she said she wants to start food stuff biz which I see as an excellent idea and you spoilt everything with your domineering attitude asking her to go learn pooh...for Petes sake START SMALL and stop your big man approach to business.

You don't need to learn businesses you love from jack but you learn from your own experience and I'm telling you this authoritatively as an entrepreneur.

Please follow her dream and support her.

as for spoken English just buy her materials to improve herself and tell her to be humble enough to apologize in public over her poor command before communicating and that does the magic. ..who Grammer epp?

As for the children part you have all the blame..there are many options of family planning even without the use of condom so explore one.

As for the dress sense that is a simple issue...just pack all the cloths you hate to see on her and give it out then take her to boutique and replace them with the type you want to see on her..shikenah.

Bro as I wrote..your wife no get wahala...you are your own problem so deal with it.

Sorry if I sound harsh but I just have to be blunt on this. Remain blessed.

Hey Toks, you and many other nairalanders are making generalizations and superficial simplistic assumptions without proper analysis of the facts presented by the Op.

I agree with you that the situation does not warrant divorce as it can be resolved. However, saying that it's largely the Ops fault may be a little narrow-minded.

The key issue to the Op is that his wife is intellectually inhibited and not motivated to improve herself. To this end, the Op desires some sort of continuous improvement in his wife to personally enjoy the marriage. There is no rule or law in marriage that stipulates that the interests of a particular family are important while those of another are mundane. Consequently, wanting your spouse to improve in a certain area is not condemnable by any standards.

In essence, the personal elements that the Op considers vital to a successful marriage may be different from yours or others. You cannot however limit or condition the Ops familial happiness within the context of your own personal preferences. That would be parochial.

By buying brighter grammar for her and pledging 1.5m for her business, the Op has actually taken concrete steps to enable her improve, but marriage is a two-way sacrifice. The wife should not be comfortable in being unprogressive, even in her own areas of interest. And her excuse cannot be child-bearing and cooking skills as some are insinuating!

The Op desires to enjoy his spouse and not "endure" or "manage" the lifelong situation as many Nigerian families are currently doing. Indeed I know of a few families in the Op's situation where the husband does not see an issue with his wife's actual or relative illiteracy or lack of ambition; and others whose marriages are threatened as a result or others who simply manage the situation by deriving satisfaction from external quarters. Saying his wife should be left stagnating is not healthy for the family development, especially when the husband and the kids are progressing.

In summary, the Op should be more diplomatic in dealing with her and try to win her over before actively participating in the developmental initiatives they both agree on. I agree with you on the dressing. However, the Op is right to insist that she learn under an experienced dealer to increase the chances of success at her intended trade. There is a reason why feasibility studies are done even if it is tomatoes you want to sell. Moreover, the Op is simply adding value to her from his own knowledge of financial management.

All the best Op.

My dear, I understand all what you said, but DIVORCE is completely out of the question, it won't solve the problem, you didn't really tell us what changed in her that probably attracted you to her, it's squarely on your shoulders to mold her with love to the kind of person you really want and also the things you'd expect from her..please try and reason with her, she is still the mother of your kids trust me a lot of baggage comes with divorce don't even let it creep into your mind.

wonukwuru:
I am adult married to a lady of 35years. We have been married since 2007. God has blessed us with 3 wonderful children( 2 boys and 1 girl). Before we got married, i agreed with my wife that i only want to have 2 kids ( I wouldnt mind if they just boys or girls. That means, Im not particular of the sex of the kids). My wife is a B.sc Accounting graduate, while myself, I am a Chartered Accountant, with a well paid job. My wife had a 3rd class degree. On several occassions, i have told her to go back to school for Post Graduate Diploma (PGD) in order to upgrade, but she plainly told me that she cannot go back to school again. When i asked her why, she told me that her brain cannot withstand any academic stree again. I also suggested to her, since you studied accounting in the university, why not enroll for ICAN program? When i said that to her, she told me that she could not go for PGD, is it ICAN that she can do? I have been thinking, what will i do for her to be like others.

Luckly, was transferred to Benin. I went with my family to Benin. We stayed over 4years in Benin. While we were in Benin, I told my wife to go and enroll for a 6months diploma programm in computer (because she is not computer literate). I paid over N110,000 for the 6months programme. My wife only went for the programme for 1month and stopped. She refused to complete the program. When I asked her, she told me that she will go back after she had "put to bed"( Then she was pregnant). Guys, its over two years now and the baby is even in pre-nursery school, yet my wife has not reminded me of going back to complete the programme.

Last year, she asked me to open a store for her, that she want to go into trading. When I asked her the nature of the business, she said, she wants to deal on selling rice, beans, yams, groundnut oil, etc. I now suggested that it will not be a problem, but she has to look for somebody who is already in the business so as to understudy the person for atleast 1month. She refused, saying that without her understudying anybody, that she can still make it. I told her that my reason of suggesting to her to understudy somebody was that, i wanted her to be selling in wholesale. My plan was to give like N1.5million. I told her, i cannot just release N1.5million to her for a business that she did not learn. I told her that N1.5million is not a small money. Brethren, that was why up til now, i have not opened the business for her.

My children's school fees is over N650,00 per term for the 3 kids. I provide for feeding. My wife does not want to do anything as to assist me in the family. I give her money for her hair, cream, bathing soap, panties and clothing. Im really getting tired. My salary does not carry the family again because of too much expenses.

Another problem now is, my wife's dressing is nothing to write home about. She dresses as if she is in her late 60s. I have complained to her on several occasion that i dont like the way she dresses, but each time i bring up the issue, she will get angry. People around, have meeting my sisters to tell them that my wife does not dress well as somebody that has gone to the university. Even in my house, my wife only tires wrapper. Nothing in her again attracts me to her. Infact, for the past 3 months, i have not slept with her. I sleep in the parlour while she sleeps in the bed room.

Else, i forget, my wife delibrately "took in" again since July last year. This is after we agreed that the 3 kids that we already have is enough. Her method is, each time i remind her of what to do as to be assisting me in the family, she will delibrately "take in".

My wife, went to the university but she cannot speak simple and correct english. She cannot write application letter. She cannot teach my kids who are in primary 2 and 5 respectively. I pay a lesson teacher N30,000 monthly for my kids but my wife is at home doing nothing. Since we got married, my wife has not sent me text message on her phone more than 3times. The ones that she sent, my brothers, there are lots of gramatical blunders. When i confronted her with the text message, she could not say anything. I was checking for some documents in my room last week, and i came across an application that my wife wrote to submit to a private school where she wants to teach. When i saw the letter, believe me, my brothers, one of my kids that is in primary 5 cannot write such rubbish.

What i thought she was before i married her, is not what she is. I cannot take her out for an occassion because she may embarrase me by her conduct in the public. I need a divorce but the problem now is, i did i court wedding with her. What should i do? Im confused.

Chai!! My brother, I don't where to start from!! May God gives you wisdom on how to handle it!!!

dollyjoy:
And you have to insult him? can't you drop your comment without insults? Who knows? this poster might be an undergraduate still trying to find his feet yet have guts to call a married man with 3 kids, someone's father a ' mumu'. Nairaland!!!

Can't you see something is not right here. The op must have been very foolish not to have seen these signs before marriage and after three kids. The op is selfish, he is interested in what he wants his wife to be not what she wants to be. It is just like a parent forcing the child to study a course the child doesn't want to study. Very selfish

Can we be sure the op has not started seeing another woman? Because his claims are somewhat ridiculous.

datizy:
The truth is the OP is tired of the marriage and that's why he is seeing all these faults now.

Is it not the issues that would have made him tired?

mctowel01:

What a retaded comment. I bet you are also as retarded as the wife, if not worse. How can you be suggesting that one remains/supports a full time housewife in this present age and time. What has African men and history got to do with this? The man is well to do, and needs a supportive wife or someone reliable, you are talking trash. No wonder they say many women are dumb, just read your comment again.

didn't the wife want to start a business? What else does the op wants? He wants his wife to be as he wants or like others not what her wife wants to be. That's selfish.

Martinez19:
didn't the wife want to start a business? What else does the op wants? He wants his wife to be as he wants or like others not what her wife wants to be. That's selfish.

Read, read, read before commenting. its wise of him to ask her to be an understudy before venturing into a business especially one with high capital. He doesn't trust her managerial skills and its understandable.

maxti:
i confuse pass u bro.

Lol Chai!

Nigerian girls...

you obviously married a girl that bought her way through school...

she came out with a third class she even bought the degree with small holiness...

that's how I ditched one girl recently when she didn't know the capital of USA and she one day took my wireless mouse and said "I have taken your mifi device" Issorait...


this is why I always say "adopt kids and dogs over marriage"

marriage is fraudulent

wonukwuru:
I am adult married to a lady of 35years. We have been married since 2007. God has blessed us with 3 wonderful children( 2 boys and 1 girl). Before we got married, i agreed with my wife that i only want to have 2 kids ( I wouldnt mind if they just boys or girls. That means, Im not particular of the sex of the kids). My wife is a B.sc Accounting graduate, while myself, I am a Chartered Accountant, with a well paid job. My wife had a 3rd class degree. On several occassions, i have told her to go back to school for Post Graduate Diploma (PGD) in order to upgrade, but she plainly told me that she cannot go back to school again. When i asked her why, she told me that her brain cannot withstand any academic stree again. I also suggested to her, since you studied accounting in the university, why not enroll for ICAN program? When i said that to her, she told me that she could not go for PGD, is it ICAN that she can do? I have been thinking, what will i do for her to be like others.

Luckly, was transferred to Benin. I went with my family to Benin. We stayed over 4years in Benin. While we were in Benin, I told my wife to go and enroll for a 6months diploma programm in computer (because she is not computer literate). I paid over N110,000 for the 6months programme. My wife only went for the programme for 1month and stopped. She refused to complete the program. When I asked her, she told me that she will go back after she had "put to bed"( Then she was pregnant). Guys, its over two years now and the baby is even in pre-nursery school, yet my wife has not reminded me of going back to complete the programme.

Last year, she asked me to open a store for her, that she want to go into trading. When I asked her the nature of the business, she said, she wants to deal on selling rice, beans, yams, groundnut oil, etc. I now suggested that it will not be a problem, but she has to look for somebody who is already in the business so as to understudy the person for atleast 1month. She refused, saying that without her understudying anybody, that she can still make it. I told her that my reason of suggesting to her to understudy somebody was that, i wanted her to be selling in wholesale. My plan was to give like N1.5million. I told her, i cannot just release N1.5million to her for a business that she did not learn. I told her that N1.5million is not a small money. Brethren, that was why up til now, i have not opened the business for her.

My children's school fees is over N650,00 per term for the 3 kids. I provide for feeding. My wife does not want to do anything as to assist me in the family. I give her money for her hair, cream, bathing soap, panties and clothing. Im really getting tired. My salary does not carry the family again because of too much expenses.

Another problem now is, my wife's dressing is nothing to write home about. She dresses as if she is in her late 60s. I have complained to her on several occasion that i dont like the way she dresses, but each time i bring up the issue, she will get angry. People around, have meeting my sisters to tell them that my wife does not dress well as somebody that has gone to the university. Even in my house, my wife only tires wrapper. Nothing in her again attracts me to her. Infact, for the past 3 months, i have not slept with her. I sleep in the parlour while she sleeps in the bed room.

Else, i forget, my wife delibrately "took in" again since July last year. This is after we agreed that the 3 kids that we already have is enough. Her method is, each time i remind her of what to do as to be assisting me in the family, she will delibrately "take in".

My wife, went to the university but she cannot speak simple and correct english. She cannot write application letter. She cannot teach my kids who are in primary 2 and 5 respectively. I pay a lesson teacher N30,000 monthly for my kids but my wife is at home doing nothing. Since we got married, my wife has not sent me text message on her phone more than 3times. The ones that she sent, my brothers, there are lots of gramatical blunders. When i confronted her with the text message, she could not say anything. I was checking for some documents in my room last week, and i came across an application that my wife wrote to submit to a private school where she wants to teach. When i saw the letter, believe me, my brothers, one of my kids that is in primary 5 cannot write such rubbish.

What i thought she was before i married her, is not what she is. I cannot take her out for an occassion because she may embarrase me by her conduct in the public. I need a divorce but the problem now is, i did i court wedding with her. What should i do? Im confused.

Laugh wan kee me here. hahaha.

broda, its obvious childbirth has changed your wife's factory settings. She has not done.anything deserving divorce. So jettison the idea of divorce.

I advice that you let her be. For a new business person, she can still start without understudying someone. But the universal rule in business is Think big, but Start small.

Sir, as a business person, start her biz with N500,000. If she is faithful in little, then she will be faithful in much. She would be the one to grow the business to value of N1.5m..

If you start her with N1.5m, she is likely to fail whether she understudies someone or not. I am talking from experience.

Amelian:



No baba for this story.

The op is manipulative.

Smhh such men I detest..
He knows the capacity of his wife, he's giving her herculean task to do and achieve..
J
Make he bounce !

Which one be herculean task? How can you suggest upgrading oneself is a herculean task? PGD e no gree do, computer e no wan learn, oya learn trade, she say mbanu. You think say dem dey pick N1.5m for ground? You think her job is just to pop up children for the man without contributing in anyway to the upkeep of the family, imagine an accounting graduate can't even help her primary school child do homework. What rubbish

wonukwuru:
I am adult married to a lady of 35years. We have been married since 2007. God has blessed us with 3 wonderful children( 2 boys and 1 girl). Before we got married, i agreed with my wife that i only want to have 2 kids ( I wouldnt mind if they just boys or girls. That means, Im not particular of the sex of the kids). My wife is a B.sc Accounting graduate, while myself, I am a Chartered Accountant, with a well paid job. My wife had a 3rd class degree. On several occassions, i have told her to go back to school for Post Graduate Diploma (PGD) in order to upgrade, but she plainly told me that she cannot go back to school again. When i asked her why, she told me that her brain cannot withstand any academic stree again. I also suggested to her, since you studied accounting in the university, why not enroll for ICAN program? When i said that to her, she told me that she could not go for PGD, is it ICAN that she can do? I have been thinking, what will i do for her to be like others.

Luckly, was transferred to Benin. I went with my family to Benin. We stayed over 4years in Benin. While we were in Benin, I told my wife to go and enroll for a 6months diploma programm in computer (because she is not computer literate). I paid over N110,000 for the 6months programme. My wife only went for the programme for 1month and stopped. She refused to complete the program. When I asked her, she told me that she will go back after she had "put to bed"( Then she was pregnant). Guys, its over two years now and the baby is even in pre-nursery school, yet my wife has not reminded me of going back to complete the programme.

Last year, she asked me to open a store for her, that she want to go into trading. When I asked her the nature of the business, she said, she wants to deal on selling rice, beans, yams, groundnut oil, etc. I now suggested that it will not be a problem, but she has to look for somebody who is already in the business so as to understudy the person for atleast 1month. She refused, saying that without her understudying anybody, that she can still make it. I told her that my reason of suggesting to her to understudy somebody was that, i wanted her to be selling in wholesale. My plan was to give like N1.5million. I told her, i cannot just release N1.5million to her for a business that she did not learn. I told her that N1.5million is not a small money. Brethren, that was why up til now, i have not opened the business for her.

My children's school fees is over N650,00 per term for the 3 kids. I provide for feeding. My wife does not want to do anything as to assist me in the family. I give her money for her hair, cream, bathing soap, panties and clothing. Im really getting tired. My salary does not carry the family again because of too much expenses.

Another problem now is, my wife's dressing is nothing to write home about. She dresses as if she is in her late 60s. I have complained to her on several occasion that i dont like the way she dresses, but each time i bring up the issue, she will get angry. People around, have meeting my sisters to tell them that my wife does not dress well as somebody that has gone to the university. Even in my house, my wife only tires wrapper. Nothing in her again attracts me to her. Infact, for the past 3 months, i have not slept with her. I sleep in the parlour while she sleeps in the bed room.

Else, i forget, my wife delibrately "took in" again since July last year. This is after we agreed that the 3 kids that we already have is enough. Her method is, each time i remind her of what to do as to be assisting me in the family, she will delibrately "take in".

My wife, went to the university but she cannot speak simple and correct english. She cannot write application letter. She cannot teach my kids who are in primary 2 and 5 respectively.

in as much as am not married,i feel ur pain sir,the truth is that u are married to her and that cant be changed,instead of thinking aboiut divorce i suggest u start thinking about saving ur marriage.u spilled it by telling everyone that she cant speak and write good english,she is ur wife cover her weaknesses.everybody wont go to school abeg,she might have a great destiny in business so allow her she might even start making money than u in no time,and she will start helping in some areas as well,as for the dressing,enter the market and buy exactly what u want her to be wearing,lastly pray to God for divine direction for we all here can only offer words but God has the solution to ur problems,seek him.stay happy,God bless ur marriage

Pwettyella:

OMG
dat is so unfair oo
Y call her all names
U want to tell me dat thru out ur courtship she didn't cook for u at all,na wa ooo. Divorce is nvr d answer, at least think of ur Son, oga oo

My dear, you would not understand unless you were in my shoes and that of the OP.

I have fought with my wife twice and its for things that started with a slight suggestion and persuasion. The man that beat his wife last week was assumed to be a savage, but when a woman simply becomes only a sex giver and not contributing to family upkeep then she needs to be ditched.

A woman that cant cook, suspects all my interactions with females, does not take suggestions, lousy with sex and rubbishes my age differential and experience, is not a proper wife material.

All these I did not see prior to marriage. Getting out of it would simply be to take my son and send her back.

I stronlgy advice the OP to DIVORCE her.

wonukwuru:
I am adult married to a lady of 35years. We have been married since 2007. God has blessed us with 3 wonderful children( 2 boys and 1 girl). Before we got married, i agreed with my wife that i only want to have 2 kids ( I wouldnt mind if they just boys or girls. That means, Im not particular of the sex of the kids). My wife is a B.sc Accounting graduate, while myself, I am a Chartered Accountant, with a well paid job. My wife had a 3rd class degree. On several occassions, i have told her to go back to school for Post Graduate Diploma (PGD) in order to upgrade, but she plainly told me that she cannot go back to school again. When i asked her why, she told me that her brain cannot withstand any academic stree again. I also suggested to her, since you studied accounting in the university, why not enroll for ICAN program? When i said that to her, she told me that she could not go for PGD, is it ICAN that she can do? I have been thinking, what will i do for her to be like others.

Luckly, was transferred to Benin. I went with my family to Benin. We stayed over 4years in Benin. While we were in Benin, I told my wife to go and enroll for a 6months diploma programm in computer (because she is not computer literate). I paid over N110,000 for the 6months programme. My wife only went for the programme for 1month and stopped. She refused to complete the program. When I asked her, she told me that she will go back after she had "put to bed"( Then she was pregnant). Guys, its over two years now and the baby is even in pre-nursery school, yet my wife has not reminded me of going back to complete the programme.

Last year, she asked me to open a store for her, that she want to go into trading. When I asked her the nature of the business, she said, she wants to deal on selling rice, beans, yams, groundnut oil, etc. I now suggested that it will not be a problem, but she has to look for somebody who is already in the business so as to understudy the person for atleast 1month. She refused, saying that without her understudying anybody, that she can still make it. I told her that my reason of suggesting to her to understudy somebody was that, i wanted her to be selling in wholesale. My plan was to give like N1.5million. I told her, i cannot just release N1.5million to her for a business that she did not learn. I told her that N1.5million is not a small money. Brethren, that was why up til now, i have not opened the business for her.

My children's school fees is over N650,00 per term for the 3 kids. I provide for feeding. My wife does not want to do anything as to assist me in the family. I give her money for her hair, cream, bathing soap, panties and clothing. Im really getting tired. My salary does not carry the family again because of too much expenses.

Another problem now is, my wife's dressing is nothing to write home about. She dresses as if she is in her late 60s. I have complained to her on several occasion that i dont like the way she dresses, but each time i bring up the issue, she will get angry. People around, have meeting my sisters to tell them that my wife does not dress well as somebody that has gone to the university. Even in my house, my wife only tires wrapper. Nothing in her again attracts me to her. Infact, for the past 3 months, i have not slept with her. I sleep in the parlour while she sleeps in the bed room.

Else, i forget, my wife delibrately "took in" again since July last year. This is after we agreed that the 3 kids that we already have is enough. Her method is, each time i remind her of what to do as to be assisting me in the family, she will delibrately "take in".

My wife, went to the university but she cannot speak simple and correct english. She cannot write application letter. She cannot teach my kids who are in primary 2 and 5 respectively. I pay a lesson teacher N30,000 monthly for my kids but my wife is at home doing nothing. Since we got married, my wife has not sent me text message on her phone more than 3times. The ones that she sent, my brothers, there are lots of gramatical blunders. When i confronted her with the text message, she could not say anything. I was checking for some documents in my room last week, and i came across an application that my wife wrote to submit to a private school where she wants to teach. When i saw the letter, believe me, my brothers, one of my kids that is in primary 5 cannot write such rubbish.

What i thought she was before i married her, is not what she is. I cannot take her out for an occassion because she may embarrase me by her conduct in the public. I need a divorce but the problem now is, i did i court wedding with her. What should i do? Im confused.

bro just manage am
your wife is the old fashion type and not a bad wife

ThierryJay:


Hey Toks, you and many other nairalanders are making generalizations and superficial simplistic assumptions without proper analysis of the facts presented by the Op.

I agree with you that the situation does not warrant divorce as it can be resolved. However, saying that it's largely the Ops fault may be a little narrow-minded.

The key issue to the Op is that his wife is intellectually inhibited and not motivated to improve herself. To this end, the Op desires some sort of continuous improvement in his wife to personally enjoy the marriage. There is no rule or law in marriage that stipulates that the interests of a particular family are important while those of another are mundane. Consequently, wanting your spouse to improve in a certain area is not condemnable by any standards.

In essence, the personal elements that the Op considers vital to a successful marriage may be different from yours or others. You cannot however limit or condition the Ops familial happiness within the context of your own personal preferences. That would be parochial.

By buying brighter grammar for her and pledging 1.5m for her business, the Op has actually taken concrete steps to enable her improve, but marriage is a two-way sacrifice. The wife should not be comfortable in being unprogressive, even in her own areas of interest. And her excuse cannot be child-bearing and cooking skills as some are insinuating!

The Op desires to enjoy his spouse and not "endure" or "manage" the lifelong situation as many Nigerian families are currently doing. Indeed I know of a few families in the Op's situation where the husband does not see an issue with his wife's actual or relative illiteracy or lack of ambition; and others whose marriages are threatened as a result or others who simply manage the situation by deriving satisfaction from external quarters. Saying his wife should be left stagnating is not healthy for the family development, especially when the husband and the kids are progressing.

In summary, the Op should be more diplomatic in dealing with her and try to win her over before actively participating in the developmental initiatives they both agree on. I agree with you on the dressing. However, the Op is right to insist that she learn under an experienced dealer to increase the chances of success at her intended trade. There is a reason why feasibility studies are done even if it is tomatoes you want to sell. Moreover, the Op is simply adding value to her from his own knowledge of financial management.

All the best Op.

The best reply here so far. I wonder why he'd blame the op for wanting some kind of improvement in his spouse, and by learning from experience he means the op should give his wife N200k to go and throw away, the wife's attitude to life clearly shows she's not motivated to do anything to improve which means she is more likely to fail in the business than succeed

@wonukwuru

U are too bossy and confrontational.....u r to blame for all her rebuffs

You didnt even come in here to seek solution to ur ish, u came to seek solution that wud help compound your life? Wow

U wano part ways wit a preggy wify? Aiit!

You wanted 2 but now got three and 1 on d way yet u wano marry another n u think d new one wudnt want her on kids? Ok


Just continue..............



As for single guys reading this thread and op is trying to scare u off marriage, kindly note that:

GOD DOES NOT GIVE U A FINISHED PRODUCT FOR A WIFE!

He gives u raw material and expects u to refine her to ur ultimate final taste!

Like the potter, u mold her.

U dont like her dressing, buy her d types of cloths u like.


Btw op, so u mean u guys didnt date/court b4 u married her? Was she village recommended?

I think u r telling alot of lies just to justify n seek support for ur moves.

I know THAT THERE IS A TINY GURL SOMEWHERE ROBBING UR POT BELLY n weeding d konji. Daz why u havent touched her for three months !


i know....
Dont wake up fr that slumber n fix ur ish, be homping like a spoilt brat of the western world

FreeSpirited:
Abeg who dey fvck her?......deliberately take in?...When raw dey sweet you and u dey pour everytin inside...she force u?

oga abeg no vex 4give am

u have not seen anything yet, but in first place i want to commend u for educating some men @ home that are not married yet, tell me d reason u have to go for court marriege, that shows that u as a Graduate did not apply ur wisdom too, it show that love have comsumed u instead of u to comsumed love, u should have undstd that women are like parasite, so my advice is that u should continue with d marriege and if u sick divorcé then go to court and redeem ur pledge so that every person will go seperate way but remember that d woman in question have uper hand in ur life till further notice

wonukwuru:
I am adult married to a lady of 35years. We have been married since 2007. God has blessed us with 3 wonderful children( 2 boys and 1 girl). Before we got married, i agreed with my wife that i only want to have 2 kids ( I wouldnt mind if they just boys or girls. That means, Im not particular of the sex of the kids). My wife is a B.sc Accounting graduate, while myself, I am a Chartered Accountant, with a well paid job. My wife had a 3rd class degree. On several occassions, i have told her to go back to school for Post Graduate Diploma (PGD) in order to upgrade, but she plainly told me that she cannot go back to school again. When i asked her why, she told me that her brain cannot withstand any academic stree again. I also suggested to her, since you studied accounting in the university, why not enroll for ICAN program? When i said that to her, she told me that she could not go for PGD, is it ICAN that she can do? I have been thinking, what will i do for her to be like others.

Luckly, was transferred to Benin. I went with my family to Benin. We stayed over 4years in Benin. While we were in Benin, I told my wife to go and enroll for a 6months diploma programm in computer (because she is not computer literate). I paid over N110,000 for the 6months programme. My wife only went for the programme for 1month and stopped. She refused to complete the program. When I asked her, she told me that she will go back after she had "put to bed"( Then she was pregnant). Guys, its over two years now and the baby is even in pre-nursery school, yet my wife has not reminded me of going back to complete the programme.

Last year, she asked me to open a store for her, that she want to go into trading. When I asked her the nature of the business, she said, she wants to deal on selling rice, beans, yams, groundnut oil, etc. I now suggested that it will not be a problem, but she has to look for somebody who is already in the business so as to understudy the person for atleast 1month. She refused, saying that without her understudying anybody, that she can still make it. I told her that my reason of suggesting to her to understudy somebody was that, i wanted her to be selling in wholesale. My plan was to give like N1.5million. I told her, i cannot just release N1.5million to her for a business that she did not learn. I told her that N1.5million is not a small money. Brethren, that was why up til now, i have not opened the business for her.

My children's school fees is over N650,00 per term for the 3 kids. I provide for feeding. My wife does not want to do anything as to assist me in the family. I give her money for her hair, cream, bathing soap, panties and clothing. Im really getting tired. My salary does not carry the family again because of too much expenses.

Another problem now is, my wife's dressing is nothing to write home about. She dresses as if she is in her late 60s. I have complained to her on several occasion that i dont like the way she dresses, but each time i bring up the issue, she will get angry. People around, have meeting my sisters to tell them that my wife does not dress well as somebody that has gone to the university. Even in my house, my wife only tires wrapper. Nothing in her again attracts me to her. Infact, for the past 3 months, i have not slept with her. I sleep in the parlour while she sleeps in the bed room.

Else, i forget, my wife delibrately "took in" again since July last year. This is after we agreed that the 3 kids that we already have is enough. Her method is, each time i remind her of what to do as to be assisting me in the family, she will delibrately "take in".

My wife, went to the university but she cannot speak simple and correct english. She cannot write application letter. She cannot teach my kids who are in primary 2 and 5 respectively. I pay a lesson teacher N30,000 monthly for my kids but my wife is at home doing nothing. Since we got married, my wife has not sent me text message on her phone more than 3times. The ones that she sent, my brothers, there are lots of gramatical blunders. When i confronted her with the text message, she could not say anything. I was checking for some documents in my room last week, and i came across an application that my wife wrote to submit to a private school where she wants to teach. When i saw the letter, believe me, my brothers, one of my kids that is in primary 5 cannot write such rubbish.

What i thought she was before i married her, is not what she is. I cannot take her out for an occassion because she may embarrase me by her conduct in the public. I need a divorce but the problem now is, i did i court wedding with her. What should i do? Im confused.

wait first..who did you think she is the first place...apparently,you married her for the wrong reasons...look bro..don't divorce. .if you still love her..call her and talk to her...tell her everything you have written here...infact...tell her how disappointed you are and make her understand you are willing to make it work between you both if she also ready to put in effort..God bless your marriage bro..

Bia nnwanne .....nor bi you get your preek again? Abi what's all the 'she delibrately took in again? If you nor want more kids then stop pracking her.

As for your wife ....abeg leave her jooooor! I'm sure you're one of those who confused her head back then in school resulting into what she is today.

Regards, the divorce thingy ....it would do you good to just cancel that thought for the sake of your children.

Solution here is to reason with her. Buy her dresses you would love seeing her in and destroy those you hate. Where is the love that attracted you to her initially? Did you f@ck it away? You don't have to whitewash your wife and mother of your kids on social media. Try and train her the way you want her to turn out.

There are thousands of online platforms to help educate her within the confines of your bedroom ....look for those. Case Close!!!

wonukwuru:
I am adult married to a lady of 35years. We have been married since 2007. God has blessed us with 3 wonderful children( 2 boys and 1 girl). Before we got married, i agreed with my wife that i only want to have 2 kids ( I wouldnt mind if they just boys or girls. That means, Im not particular of the sex of the kids). My wife is a B.sc Accounting graduate, while myself, I am a Chartered Accountant, with a well paid job. My wife had a 3rd class degree. On several occassions, i have told her to go back to school for Post Graduate Diploma (PGD) in order to upgrade, but she plainly told me that she cannot go back to school again. When i asked her why, she told me that her brain cannot withstand any academic stree again. I also suggested to her, since you studied accounting in the university, why not enroll for ICAN program? When i said that to her, she told me that she could not go for PGD, is it ICAN that she can do? I have been thinking, what will i do for her to be like others.

Luckly, was transferred to Benin. I went with my family to Benin. We stayed over 4years in Benin. While we were in Benin, I told my wife to go and enroll for a 6months diploma programm in computer (because she is not computer literate). I paid over N110,000 for the 6months programme. My wife only went for the programme for 1month and stopped. She refused to complete the program. When I asked her, she told me that she will go back after she had "put to bed"( Then she was pregnant). Guys, its over two years now and the baby is even in pre-nursery school, yet my wife has not reminded me of going back to complete the programme.

Last year, she asked me to open a store for her, that she want to go into trading. When I asked her the nature of the business, she said, she wants to deal on selling rice, beans, yams, groundnut oil, etc. I now suggested that it will not be a problem, but she has to look for somebody who is already in the business so as to understudy the person for atleast 1month. She refused, saying that without her understudying anybody, that she can still make it. I told her that my reason of suggesting to her to understudy somebody was that, i wanted her to be selling in wholesale. My plan was to give like N1.5million. I told her, i cannot just release N1.5million to her for a business that she did not learn. I told her that N1.5million is not a small money. Brethren, that was why up til now, i have not opened the business for her.

My children's school fees is over N650,00 per term for the 3 kids. I provide for feeding. My wife does not want to do anything as to assist me in the family. I give her money for her hair, cream, bathing soap, panties and clothing. Im really getting tired. My salary does not carry the family again because of too much expenses.

Another problem now is, my wife's dressing is nothing to write home about. She dresses as if she is in her late 60s. I have complained to her on several occasion that i dont like the way she dresses, but each time i bring up the issue, she will get angry. People around, have meeting my sisters to tell them that my wife does not dress well as somebody that has gone to the university. Even in my house, my wife only tires wrapper. Nothing in her again attracts me to her. Infact, for the past 3 months, i have not slept with her. I sleep in the parlour while she sleeps in the bed room.

Else, i forget, my wife delibrately "took in" again since July last year. This is after we agreed that the 3 kids that we already have is enough. Her method is, each time i remind her of what to do as to be assisting me in the family, she will delibrately "take in".

My wife, went to the university but she cannot speak simple and correct english. She cannot write application letter. She cannot teach my kids who are in primary 2 and 5 respectively. I pay a lesson teacher N30,000 monthly for my kids but my wife is at home doing nothing. Since we got married, my wife has not sent me text message on her phone more than 3times. The ones that she sent, my brothers, there are lots of gramatical blunders. When i confronted her with the text message, she could not say anything. I was checking for some documents in my room last week, and i came across an application that my wife wrote to submit to a private school where she wants to teach. When i saw the letter, believe me, my brothers, one of my kids that is in primary 5 cannot write such rubbish.

What i thought she was before i married her, is not what she is. I cannot take her out for an occassion because she may embarrase me by her conduct in the public. I need a divorce but the problem now is, i did i court wedding with her. What should i do? Im confused.

wizzprince:
sincerely this are one of the worst people to change


it is easier to change an atheist like seun than to change them

they are usually well behaved and people hardly see faults in them except you

talking from experience(not personal)

my advice is that she is your wife

study her

whatever she is good in try and support her

and focus on your kids

say no to divorce

my brother you're very correct. These type appear nice to outsiders and it's only you who knows their stubbornness. Every accusing finger will even be pointing towards you as if you're the one who doesn't want progress in the family. God will help the op.