₦airaland Forum

makydebbie:
I'm married.

I am not doubtin u bt if truly u r married,u shld be talkin from experience n nt speculating

Op ain't these ladies we expect sooo much from my sisters and yours too? sired by Nigerian fathers? Then something fundamental is wrong with the families especially the fathers who raised such ladies that don't know they need to make huge sacrifices to attract suitors , and make marriages work. Op do you know why they call men bridegrooms? I bet you don't.

fellis:
1. Men can also be too careful with their choice of woman: this isn't a bad thing because marriage is a lifetime commitment you can't be careless with your choice so why is it n avenue to attack women again?

2. Men can also want women to love them for real and again I fail to see how this is such a terrible thing for women to do.

3. Men these days want a financially OK woman as a wife. Even multi millionaire men look for rich women to marry.

4. Same applies to men. Nobody in their right senses will put in effort to please a person that will not appreciate them and dump them in future.

5. Not all women want this old man. Maybe the ones you have been toasting that kept turning you Down and making you so hateful of women.

[/b][/color]
6. You honestly think men don't go to church or mosque to 'confirm' their intended spouses? You really need to get your head out of your arse.
[color=#000099][b]

7. Same applies to men. Why enter a lifetime contract with someone you feel nothing for? How is this a bad thing?!??

8. Women don't believe marriage is a beautiful institution. We know what's up. We know the rubbish women have to put up with after marriage in the name of being humble and submissive.


9. Not true. We are well aware of men's inability to remain celibate or sexually faithful. We know what time it is. We don't expect you to remain loyal because your ain't shit_ asses cannot pull such a feat.

10. Everyone wants a good looking spouse old man. Nothing wrong with that.



I should probably start following you so that I can see your stupid_ posts immediately you write them and cut them down before they reach front page.

chaiii.see as you finish am

You just disect the thrash wey it type

Melian:
There's nothing "humbling" in what you've written. Your post is sadistic, peppered with hate at best.

1. You've not addressed anything. The only address you've tendered is directed towards teenagers.

2. You know nothing about love and being loved. Chances are you're from a broken home. Yeah?

3. Still on love. The many contradictions in your post show you dont know what you're saying most of the time. First, you say thinking your man must love you for real is like subjecting yourself to some kind of tunnel vision. Then again you say "This is a hard nut for many ladies but the sincere fact is that your feelings is not as important as the guy's feeling towards you". (pls re-read the bla bla bla that follows). Who's fooling who?

4. On Money and Love. On Men and Women and Relationships. Let's face it, a man would look for the most beautiful woman he can possibly get with his money. Conversely, with her looks, a woman will look for the richest guy she could possibly lay her hands on. It's a two-way street. There's equity. Let's not pretend this isn't the norm and as long as it's acceptable to the people involved, I don't think anyone should make it their own to whine and complain and get jealous. Rather get your butt off nairaland and begin to do twice as better what you've been doing to make the money.

5. Love. Many have scoffed at the theory of love but for those who believe it's real will find it. If love is your choice, live it. If you're not yet living it your choice then you've been successfully conned.

6. Marriage is beautiful, too beautiful to be true. However, not a smooth sail. This is why we should marry for love cos if ever it gets turbulent only love helps you stay together. A man in love is a happy man, believe me.

no I can't take it.this is too much

whizqueen:
I don write am down for my jotter

LOL!

Melian:
Exactly. I told him this. Check my two comments on page 6.

I saw it but it's intelligence quotient is too low to grasp it.it's very toxic and miserable. You know WHAT they say about misery loving company

It is even advertising it's sisters for toxic animals like him to price the same way they price tomatoes and pepper in the market

Toks2008:
My brother I honestly sit and meticulously check my threads and I try to see the part that is against women but I just couldn't find one sentence.

I think it's about the genes of ladies..they naturally hate the truth but have great affinity for lies.

WHO ARE you deceiving? No one but yourself. Someone said you're psychotic but I didn't believe it.I said no it's just an attention seeker who likes entertaining itself and making itself feel good for it's fans.You really are psychotic and You need help fast.

Have You ever wondered why I refer to you as it? Because your writings are so base uncivilized and animalistic .I actually don't regard you as human.more like an ape with the body of a human being

paulbets:
Why will anybody decide to love anybody unflinchingly for no reason. No matter how we flog it, there is always going to be reason for loving another person. Either because of character, Christian instructions to love, physical looks and other many things. There is nothing like "love me for real". Love must be foundational and based on something else it will just be words. Do not be deceived by words of "I Love you for real" pls enquire what is that real thing or motivation, and if its just choice to love, ask what's prompting the person to make such choice. There is always a reason for everything whether consciously or subconsciously.
Scientifically speaking, the love that people feel towards opposite sex that makes them to want to date the person or be in a relationship with the person is often biologically triggered by sex hormones. The feelings you hear people talk about to whom ever thy are dating, is also biologically influenced by their sex hormones.

Nice writeup and points @ Toks2008

There is no denying the fact that it is impossible to love someone without some level of attraction base on qualities or features of interest. But what i am positing is that it is not a sufficient condition for true love. This is due to the fact that these features are not eternal. Therefore, it is safe to say that when the tides change, the only pillar that reinforces your 'real love' is the choice you have made to do so. I hope you will have a second view at this issue. Thanks!

Ofemini:
There is no denying the fact that it is impossible to love someone without some level of attraction base on qualities or features of interest. But what i am positing is that it is not a sufficient condition for true love. This is due to the fact that these features are not eternal. Therefore, it is safe to say that when the tides change, the only pillar that reinforces your 'real love' is the choice you have made to do so. I hope you will have a second view at this issue. Thanks!

I can understand your point.
Great!

catlova2:
Ur entire family na dem b retard.

your generation starting from now and beyond are all slowpokes

LegalBaby:
your generation starting from now and beyond are all slowpokes

slowpoke. thats ur generation and not mine.

a little prayer for u. may u nt even to b able to get pregnant talkless of giving birth to a slowpoke.

Ooooooh Sir Toks....Sir Toks....Sir Toks.....
Did u crash your head into the "brick wall" that's built up around me
U know that's not the........
Well nevermind. I guess that's "your story & you're sticking to it"!

Toks2008:
GOD bless you for this..

I was discussing with a naira land friend lady39 about a cousin of mine who traveled to the states and got married to a lady...

This lady was instrumental to the guy's success in correcting a health issue he has lived with for years...the guy still calls me regularly to reaffirm that nothing can ever make him leave that lady...

Just as you wrote,it was the move of that lady that prompted an undying love from my cousin.

People don't just love for a reason...ask anyone who strongly loves another and you will realize that there must have been a compelling reason for that..but many people will just not agree.

Lady39:
Ooooooh Sir Toks....Sir Toks....Sir Toks.....
Did u crash your head into the "brick wall" that's built up around me
U know that's not the........
Well nevermind. I guess that's "your story & you're sticking to it"!

*winks*

Ofemini:
There is no denying the fact that it is impossible to love someone without some level of attraction base on qualities or features of interest. But what i am positing is that it is not a sufficient condition for true love. This is due to the fact that these features are not eternal. Therefore, it is safe to say that when the tides change, the only pillar that reinforces your 'real love' is the choice you have made to do so. I hope you will have a second view at this issue. Thanks!

See friend,you are very very correct but you must understand that there is reality and expectations.

What you wrote is exactly how it ought to be but I write practical stuffs,realistic facts and one of them is that no one can love another without a reason..

catlova2:
slowpoke. thats ur generation and not mine.

a little prayer for u. may u nt even to b able to get pregnant talkless of giving birth to a slowpoke.

so shall it be for you and all the females in your family

paulavon:
@Toks2008,thanks for a great post,it is normal for certain group of people to criticize the points you listed because they challenged certain of their warp thinking and fantasies. They are quick to claim you want them to settle for less or lower their standards.

Please create threads that will challenge men and make us better.

I support his idea about creating threads that will challenge men/@Toks2008, bro please do that and keep it as raw as the can ever come. I always welcome criticism good or bad one because its only from their you can learn and pick what you need to male yourself better, thanks in advance bro.
@ PatriotTemidayo I believe you're a bro, you know wisdom is like a lantern, torch, traffic light or street light and whoever has it and most importantly uses and apply it in his or her life is blessed. You're blessed.

GodsLastBorn:
I support his idea about creating threads that will challenge men/@Toks2008, bro please do that and keep it as raw as the can ever come. I always welcome criticism good or bad one because its only from their you can learn and pick what you need to male yourself better, thanks in advance bro.
@ PatriotTemidayo I believe you're a bro, you know wisdom is like a lantern, torch, traffic light or street light and whoever has it and most importantly uses and apply it in his or her life is blessed. You're blessed.

Yes my brother and friend, I am a guy. Thanks a million. I love healthy, purposeful and interactive threads, let create more of it. But remember, no one can change things except we, the youth. Are you ready for a paradigm shift??

PatriotTemidayo:
Yes my brother and friend, I am a guy. Thanks a million. I love healthy, purposeful and interactive threads, let create more of it. But remember, no one can change things except we, the youth. Are you ready for a paradigm shift??

I do have quite a number of threads for guys but why I focus more on ladies is because they are endangered species in this cruel world of men.

It's like guys can do crazy stuffs and get away with it but it's not the same for ladies so this is why I try to enlighten them on how to better prepare for the cruel challenges out there expecially in the matters of the heart but to them they think I'm against them but on the contrary.. I'm 200% with them.

Toks2008:
I do have quite a number of threads for guys but why I focus more on ladies is because they are endangered species in this cruel world of men.

It's like guys can do crazy stuffs and get away with it but it's not the same for ladies so this is why I try to enlighten them on how to better prepare for the cruel challenges out there expecially in the matters of the heart but to them they think I'm against them but on the contrary.. I'm 200% with them.

Being a pro-women is not optional, we all have mothers and Sisters, cousins and nieces. So I don't doubt you being with them 500% . I salute your courage to say the hard facts when you're well aware there'll be confrontations and reactions.

Toks2008:
See friend,you are very very correct but you must understand that there is reality and expectations.

What you wrote is exactly how it ought to be but I write practical stuffs,realistic facts and one of them is that no one can love another without a reason..

Yes, agreed, for me, amongst the many reasons, the most outstanding should be a mutual decision to love as any other cogent reason different from this is temporal and subject to change. I believe the intention of your post is to correct misconceptions and misinformations about relationships culminating in marriage. You did justice by identifying those utopian expectations ladies anticipate. These anomalies are so rampant in our society today that they are gradually becoming the norm and standard. However, there are still exceptions though few but available.
In your submission, you dismissed the expectation of 'true love' as a wishful thinking. You hinged the essence of true love on attraction. This is the point where we diverge. You alledge that my submission is not realistic and practical. Hmmm..... It may be unpopular but they are realistic and equally practicable. As ample testimonies of successful marriages are right here with us. Unions which have lasted more than 50 years even in the midst of difficult circumstances. They could not have endured that long because of what they like about their partner. That is why divorce is on the increase in our own generation due to the prominence of the gospel of love driven by attraction. No wonder; a time comes when the weakness of the other partner, disagreements triuph over whatever you liked initially about the person.
As of old, accompanying attraction was their decision and commitment to their to make sure it works. But in our time, once you observe what you do not like in your partner, they part ways with the illusion of finding a perfect person that they will forever be attracted to. How to identify guys with this strong respect and enormous responsibility of commitment to their marriage is a topic for another day. Thanks &God bless!

LegalBaby:
so shall it be for you and all the females in your family

U don miss road.

Ofemini:
Yes, agreed, for me, amongst the many reasons, the most outstanding should be a mutual decision to love as any other cogent reason different from this is temporal and subject to change. I believe the intention of your post is to correct misconceptions and misinformations about relationships culminating in marriage. You did justice by identifying those utopian expectations ladies anticipate. These anomalies are so rampant in our society today that they are gradually becoming the norm and standard. However, there are still exceptions though few but available.
In your submission, you dismissed the expectation of 'true love' as a wishful thinking. You hinged the essence of true love on attraction. This is the point where we diverge. You alledge that my submission is not realistic and practical. Hmmm..... It may be unpopular but they are realistic and equally practicable. As ample testimonies of successful marriages are right here with us. Unions which have lasted more than 50 years even in the midst of difficult circumstances. They could not have endured that long because of what they like about their partner. That is why divorce is on the increase in our own generation due to the prominence of the gospel of love driven by attraction. No wonder; a time comes when the weakness of the other partner, disagreements triuph over whatever you liked initially about the person.
As of old, accompanying attraction was their decision and commitment to their to make sure it works. But in our time, once you observe what you do not like in your partner, they part ways with the illusion of finding a perfect person that they will forever be attracted to. How to identify guys with this strong respect and enormous responsibility of commitment to their marriage is a topic for another day. Thanks &God bless!

You are right once again but can I ask you this?

Can you love or desire a dirty,lazy,abusive adultress?

There is nothing like true love between humans but only from God to man.

Most couples who stay long in marriages will call it love and I agree but in reality it's more of tolerance.

It is that tolerance that many young people lack.

PatriotTemidayo:
Being a pro-women is not optional, we all have mothers and Sisters, cousins and nieces. So I don't doubt you being with them 500% . I salute your courage to say the hard facts when you're well aware there'll be confrontations and reactions.

Not just confrontations and reactions but prejudice as many nairaland ladies see me as a potential bad guy for any lady and that is where they missed it totally...

I'm a no holds bar freelancer and the fact that I have never cheated on my lady does not mean I should deny that most guys cheat...too bad truth hurts..too bad.

Toks2008:
Not just confrontations and reactions but prejudice as many nairaland ladies see me as a potential bad guy for any lady and that is where they missed it totally...

I'm a no holds bar freelancer and the fact that I have never cheated on my lady does not mean I should deny that most guys cheat...too bad truth hurts..too bad.

Way to go brother. ...... Check out RELATIONSHIP IS BUSINESS, one of my books on Amazon Kindle.

Toks2008:
You are right once again but can I ask you this?

Can you love or desire a dirty,lazy,abusive adultress?

There is nothing like true love between humans but only from God to man.

Most couples who stay long in marriages will call it love and I agree but in reality it's more of tolerance.

It is that tolerance that many young people lack.

Yes I can, it is just that in marriage context love is a reciprocity (which on her part is lacking because she has not made her own decision to commitment)
How can you love without tolerance? In fact love isnt loving perfect people but loving the imperfect too. If you desire to know about love, go to the source- God. I am single and i wanted to know what true love is? "God demonstrated his love this way while we were yet sinners, christ died for us" The very foundation of true love is decision and not feeling or perfomance or attraction. Is feeling or performance not important, it is but you can not control the obeject of the attraction, what you can control is your choice. This amazing understanding has changed my love life and I can not trade it for anything. Any contrary principle from this will always produce hatred, divorce that we have always seen So amongst your family members, are there no habits you detest? Do you hate them because of that? From your conclusion, i believe we are coming close to our destination. What strikes me with this your latest post is how you want to excuse tolerance as a stand alone subject different from love. It is either you see this as an intellectual debate (its not a case of who go win) or you have a mindset which you think any other opinion can not change. I enjoyed your write up as my mind is open to learn but the one i felt is not right, i took you up on it.
I engaged you because of your interest & noble contribution in upholding the marriage institution and the large influence your write up has to alter peoples life for the better- so error must be avoided as the truth is the standard irrespective of the criticism or unpopularity. Thank you

PatriotTemidayo:
Yes my brother and friend, I am a guy. Thanks a million. I love healthy, purposeful and interactive threads, let create more of it. But remember, no one can change things except we, the youth. Are you ready for a paradigm shift??

O yeah

Toks2008:
I will be as blunt as i can in addressing these ignorant notions some Nigerian ladies have towards marriage.

1.Being too careful about her choice of man:

OK I understand you are the type that is so scared of venturing into marriage so you want to be very careful in choosing that man you will likely spend your life with..but I'm sorry to be the carrier of BAD NEWS..."No matter how careful you may be,every marriage is filled with uncertainties...even if you marry an angel,he could turn to a demon so just take the risk and be ready to confront any uncertainty you find else you may remain scared and single for a very long time.
Infact the more careful you are the greater the possibility of making a mistake.

2.I want a man who will love me for real:

I'm very vast in English language but when it comes to this sentence,the more I try to understand the more confused I get..."love you for real" like seriously!

You better get this fact now,if loving you for real means loving you with your imperfections then i might agree to an extent else...NO MAN CAN LOVE YOU FOR REAL except that real is substituted for many things like love you for your curves,intelligence,manners.....so stop using this ackward sentence and try to develop something a man can desire you for...no man wants a woman for nothing.

3.Wanting a made guy or financially OK guy:

I honestly have nothing against this except the fact that being financially OK is relative and we don't ever get to know the definition of "being financially ok"

But then I kinda wonder why ladies fail to understand that most guys in their late 20s and early 30s are still trying to find their feet which means a lady who wants a made guy is inadventedly saying she wants a married man or sugar daddy because most made men in Nigeria are in their mid or late 30s and in their 40s and would have been married.

However,the few younger ones who are made can not have more than one wife.

Ladies should try to be financially independent so that they can be disciplined enough to start a life with a guy rather than struggling with several ladies to be with a "made" guy or ending up as a side chic of a made guy.

4.I can not suffer with a man because he could dump me latter:

This is one of the dumbest notion many Naija ladies have and anytime I hear a lady says this I just give her that stupid look of a looser.

Are you doing any guy a favor by dating him when he is broke? For Petes sake you have every right to walk away from any affair if you dim fit and staying with a struggling guy is your choice and not a favor. ..if he latter becomes rich and he dumps you,just walk away rather than use those words to blackmail him.

5.My wedding will be the talk of the town:

I totally agree that a grand wedding is the dream of most ladies and I also share in this dream but the question is this; "Is it a do or die to have a grand wedding"?
What is wrong in having an intro and registry wedding and latter plan for the grand one when the funds are there?

Don't be deceived. ..8 out of 10 grand weddings in Nigeria are sponsored.

I think this is one area many ladies are destroying their lives because a guy will do you like a wife and enjoy all the wify benefit while telling you he is not ready for a grand wedding and you will continue to foolishly play along until he dumps your overused ass for a younger lady when he is finally ready...biko receive sense.

6.GOD has not confirmed him or my Pastor said he is not the one:

Like seriously! OK get this straight. ..it is good to listen to the word of GOD or to follow your pastor's advice but hello! when it comes to choosing a spouse GOD has clearly made it our duty to look for a spouse and he will gladly give us his favor ...Proverbs 18:22:
"Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD".

The best you can do is to pray to God that a good guy finds you and when next a prophet or pastor tells you a certain guy is not for you...simply ask him with humility to tell you who your man is..his name,house address,complexion....

7.I can't marry a man I have no feelings for:

Your feeling is very important when choosing a man but pray he also has feelings for you else you will end up in tears no matter how deep your feelings for him is.

This is a hard nut for many ladies but the sincere fact is that your feelings is not as important as the guy's feeling towards you.

Getting married to a man may be hinged on your feelings but staying married to him is primarily dependent on how he feels towards you.


8.Marriage is a beautiful and wonderful institution:

I'm so sorry to tell you another bad news...."marriage is very turbulent and you will feel like running out"

At the intial stage it will seem like its so beautiful and made in heaven but that is the initial gragra stage. But when the reality stage sets in you will come to know the true picture of marriage but the good news is that you can make yours always beautiful if you can learn to tolerate, forgive,forgive and forgive because only two forgivers can make a beautiful marriage.

9.If my husband truly loves me,he will never cheat on me:

I know this issue is over-flogged and many ladies will never agree to this fact..."YOUR HUSBAND CAN HAVE EYES FOR ONLY YOU AND IN FACT COMMIT SUICIDE IF YOU LEAVE HIM YET CAN STILL CHEAT ON YOU"...sounds stupid I guess but that is just the truth..

Just warn your husband that if he must do let him go far far away from you and must use protection...I always say...only a foolish lady will hinge her marital happiness on her husband's sexual faithfulness to her.

I'm not supporting philandering but this is just how the cookie crumbles.

10.I want a tall cute rich romantic sexy....

Habba sister just negodu there...only you one...please there is a difference between real life and Telemundo. .you can not have all you want in one man and if you think you have then kudos to you. Many ladies cheat on their hubbies or fiance because they can't help comparing...

Tade is good in bed but not rich enough...Richard spoils me with money but very boring in bed and Seun is so caring but.... so you run to Richard to get money,you remember Tade when you feel like having a good time and Seun comes to mind if you want to feel loved..YOU ARE A SORRY CASE.

Just go for a man that has the average qualities and settle down...no man has it all.

As long as a lady is ready to face these facts then she will definitely have no problem in her marriage but if you find yourself totally uncomfortable with one or more of the points listed above, i will advice you remain single until you are mature enough to accept them.

My humble opinion

I'm so glad I found this thread. the truth might be bitter , but we ladies need to understand this . I'm glad you also included no9

This thread... Hmmmm!

Nomfanelo99:
I'm so glad I found this thread. the truth might be bitter , but we ladies need to understand this . I'm glad you also included no9

Cool.

If it is possible for a thread to make a second front page appearance I would have loved Lalasticlala to go ahead.

This thread is so packed with facts.

Toks2008:
If it is possible for a thread to make a second front page appearance I would have loved Lalasticlala to go ahead.

This thread is so packed with facts.

WoW Wow Wow!

Toks i give it to you.

You are not only wise but very informed and experienced on this matter.

This is the most insightful and factual thread i have ever come across on Nairaland. If every lady understands all the point you listed, they will never ever have marital issues. Every point is spot on.