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DIARY OF A LOVESICK WRITER BY ROSE AKPABIO
Darling Diary,
I don’t know if I’m doomed or cursed, why can’t I ever find love?, why does love have to hurt this badly.
My name is Redeemed Akpan and I am a lovesick writer.

‘Riri…where are you’? i shut my diary at once and wiped the streak of tears that had fallen on my face, Deji had done it again, he’d cheated on me with another woman. I met him three months back in a bank, we were both on a queue so we could make use of the automated Teller machine, somehow we got talking, I found him very handsome, he was alluring and sweet mouthed.
I am Twenty three years old and this is the first man I have dated, I love him so much but her keeps hurting me.

‘There you are, why didn’t you answer’? Mfon found me in my room.

‘Welcome’ I said and looked away, she couldn’t see me this way, I didn’t want her to worry about me.
We had been friends for four years, we both studied in the same institution though varied departments, we graduated the same here and lived together while waiting for the National Youth Service Corps.
We were both working and could afford a house, she was from a rich home, so we lived in a two bedroom flat. It took my parents much convincing to let me out of their sight, but I really needed to be free, to be independent and focus on my writing career and to find love too.

‘What’s wrong Riri’? she shifted close to me.

‘I’m fine’ I retorted and rose to my feet. She had never sanctioned my relationship with Deji, she found him unworthy of me and full of himself, but she was so wrong, Deji was the man of my dreams, he was everything I’d always wanted in a man.
Tall, dark, beardy and understanding, but he had begun acting funny after six months of dating him. He rarely called or texted, I could feel him slipping out of my hands, that was when I discovered he’d been cheating on me with other women.

‘How was work’? she wasn’t convinced.

‘I didn’t go’ I replied, it was true, seeing pictures of him kissing another woman on his Instagram page made me jealous and it ruined my day. I worked with an online company, I blogged on relationship matters and I delivered love stories to their blog.

‘Why? Why are you so uptight? Is this about your Boyfriend?’ she carefully studied me.

‘What do you care’? I packed up my laptop and my diary from the bed, I intended to walk away from her, I intended to be alone, to think on what to do next.

‘I care about your sanity Redeemed, I care about your peace and your happiness, why do you keep holding unto this guy? He isn’t as crazy about you like you are for him, let go of Deji before you make a mistake you’ll regret’ she advised.

‘It’s my life and not yours, excuse me’ I was stubborn about this.

‘Have you slept with him yet? Has he seen your panties? That could explain his lack of commitment, once a man sees your unclothedness, they’d start taking you for granted’ she said.

‘And if I do, is that a bad thing? Just let me be Mfon, you don’t know how much he’s gotten under my skin’ I replied and pushed the door.

‘Just don’t get hurt’ she sighed and dropped on the bed.

‘Whatever’ I replied, still pissed. The truth is, I haven’t had sex before, I’m still a virgin, but Deji had been pestering me to sleep with him, I was afraid and I couldn’t take such a bold step, besides I’m a firm believer in pre-marital sex though my fiction characters usually engage in it a lot.

I sat on the couch and fetched my phone, maybe having sex with him could keep, I guess that was why he went after those other women.
At that point in time, I was ready to do anything just to save my relationship, anything at all.

Deji was a nice guy, he was very generous and knew how to treat a lady well, what made me fall for him was his romantic side, he could write poems, send you flowers or just call you at night and say nothing.
Those things had stolen my heart and I couldn’t find any other man like Deji, but now? He’d stopped calling like before, he’d stopped caring and when I complained about it, he always told me he was busy.

I surfed the web for ten minutes before I logged into facebook, luckily, he was online,so this was the time to talk.
REDEEMED: good evening Deji, we need to talk.
DEJI: Talk? What about?
REDEEMD: You no longer care about me, we’re drifting apart, don’t you want me anymore? I love you so much Deji and I don’t want to lose you.
DEJI: Lmao, you love me? You’re kidding Riri, you’re right, we’re drifting apart, let’s break up, what’s the point of pretending to be in love? When we’re both miserable and sad, you don’t love me, if you did, you’d prove it.
REDEEMED: Please don’t break up on me, I would do anything you ask me too, how can show you that I love you?
I was crying at this point, love was a two edged sword, one moment it made you smile the next moment, you were in tears.
DEJI: Come over to my place, show me you love me darling, make love to me and let’s pleasure ourselves.
REDEEMED: If that’s what would make you happy.
DEJI: Aii, be expecting you, be quick about it.
REDEEMED: I love you
DEJI: same here.

‘Are you crying’? Mfon wouldn’t let me be.

‘What does it look like’? I hissed and walked away from her, this was a golden opportunity, I needed to take it, I needed to make Deji love me, I was prepared to offer him my maiden head.

‘What in god’s name has possessed this girl? Why do I have a feeling she’s about to do something stupid’ Mfon hissed and rushed towards the room.

‘Where are you going Riri? It’s dark, tell me’ she pressed on.

‘I’m seeing a friend, don’t wait up, I won’t be back home’ I deliberately left out Deji’s name, I didn’t want her to dissuade me from going.
‘A friend? What friend’? she wouldn’t let it go.

‘Don’t wait up’ I replied and rushed out of the house, leaving my friend in a sea of confusion and fear for me.
***
I took a cab to his place, I’d been there a couple of times. He lived alone in a residential area, the house was exquisite, Deji was from a wealthy family, though he wasn’t working yet, he’d just finished his Masters program at the University of Leeds, London. He told me his family owned a company and he was to be trained before being absorbed.

‘Ding dong…’ I fingered the doorbell.
I licked my lips nervously, the wind was cruel and made the night colder than it’d been on other days. A new year had just begun, yet January couldn’t hold her rain.

‘Who do we have here’? he whispered seductively, he pulled the door open and stared into my face. I could feel his eyes on my breast, he wanted me, he desired me, this pleased me greatly.

‘Hey…’ I pecked him and stepped into the house.

‘How was your trip down here’? he held my hand and kissed it.
‘Fine’ I was a bit uneasy, I’d never been with a man before.

‘Good, look at this table…’ he left my hand and caressed the table.

‘Yes?’ I wondered what he was up to.

‘I bought it for a million, it’s beautiful, isn’t it’? he asked.

‘Okay, nice’ I nodded.

‘I want us to make love here, on this table, right now, show me you love me Riri’ he walked towards me and placed a gentle kiss on my mouth.
The coldness I felt before, suddenly vanished and was replaced by warmth, the warmth of his hands on my back and the warmth of his presence.

‘I love you, you know that right?’ he asked and caressed my bare throat.

‘Yes, I know’ I quickly replied as blood pumped in my ears.

He stopped talking and fed his eyes by looking at me , his hands pulled part his belt, then he stood nude before me, the length and width of his shaft terrified me, but I held myself.

‘Do you like what you see’? his voice was low.

‘Yes…’ I trembled.

‘Good, touch it’ he brought my hands to his shaft.

‘Feels good’ I replied.

‘Now, take of your clothes darling…’ he instructed and I obeyed.
I stood nude before him and was so embarrassed, for the first time, I couldn’t stare him in the face.

‘Come closer…’ he ordered and I did as he instructed.
His touch was gentle, his caresses were maddening and his kiss was sweeter than wine.
He dropped me on the table and parted my legs, I was too drunk in pleasure to look at him, he was such a good lover.
He settled comfortably between my legs, then something happened, something that caused all the pleasure to flee.

‘Deji!’ I called out in pain, I tried to make him stop, he was hurting me but he wouldn’t, he rode me like a wild stallion.

‘It’s going to go away, the pain would be gone’ he replied.
He was right, the pain later disappeared and was replaced by a fullness, an intense pleasure I had never imagined existed in this world.

‘I love you…’ I cried as my slender body shook.

‘Oh, dear, you taste so sweet’ he groaned and fell on me.

‘I love you Deji’ I whispered shyly, I thoroughly enjoyed his lovemaking.

‘You should get going Redeemed, it’s late’ he kissed me swiftly and climbed down the table.

‘Home? Why should I go home? I want to spend the night with you’ I felt my heart race, how could he ask me home after what we’d just shared?

‘Yeaa, let me get you some money’ he left for his room and I stared at him with eyes blurred by tears.
I had just made a mistake that would haunt me forever, but my love for him had increased after our lovemaking.

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Adesina12:


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Just a taste and find yourself in cloud 7, especially when eat with cold drinks

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Creeza...I sight you

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saraphina:
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NNEMEKA'S DIARY, HE NOW HAS A NEW JOB.

Nnemeka wrote a gain in his diary,  "I will soon realized the meanness of a city like Abuja."   Besides chasing him from his king size  mattress,  the Cockroaches have agreed on one hot evening that  he will be starved.  Nnemeka had just returned from work that day and his mind was meditating constantly on the plait of Jollof rice  and chicken  which he had stocked on the table.  He turned on the lash of his door  and dusted his his feet on the  footmat of his door to stop the little pieces of fine Abuja dust who have sworn to follow Nnemeka to his apartment at Maitama.  At least he could afford to rent  one now.  After trekking round the city of Abuja,  entering office by office and mounting on elevators which at some mistaken times, took him to some other floors which he never intended to go.  Being a new babe in the use of elevators, he had struggled with going to unintended floors until he had started to get it right and met  with the God of fate and his misery changed.  Even the the hill of his shoes,  by  slanting position which it had compulsorily made  him to stand in an unbalanced manner,  bare great evidentiary fact that he has trekked round Abuja.  The usual song "we are not employing here" seemed to have lost its relevance as though they were tunes sang in the mouths of great musicians of the 60's. Oh, how  present comfort seems to wipe away the tears of sorrows as if they never occurred! Nnemeka thought with tranquility overshadowing his will.  The days came by rolling like folded bundles of seas pushed about by ocean waves. 

Nnemeka remembered with accuracy like the day light sun how one day he  entered into the office of the Auditor-General of the Federation of Nigeria  at the Central Business District Abuja and after filling all the beureucactic logs of hard cover note book painted with green white, green,  he stood before the secretary  who looked at his eyes with contemptuous eyesball.  Nnemeka's wash and  wear shirt which has long been discarded into the standing wastebin arrayed on the streets of Maitama  could hardly bear  the chemical pressure of daily soup leather and omo.  The shirt had started to express its displeasure facially through its fading colour.  Still,  he had to manage the resources which the society even after bagging a degree in accountantcy could afford to be generous enough to give him.  This social injustice has revealed itself on Nnemeka's outfit itself. The bank of social stratification and justice had  ran dry.  And all cheques signed couldn't be cashed and  have been returned as being stalled.  The secretary still looking at him after Nnemeka had graced the steel chair,  ordered him into the office of the Auditor-General after  he had broken down every fabric of her resilience and insistence that  he state the purpose of his visit. When he stepped into his office,  cool air of air conditioners and air freshner impatiently flew into his nostrils.  Nnemeka sat down in the office of  his host praying silently within the realms of  his heart.   He began by telling the Auditor-General the   entire tale of his  story how Abuja had dried his finances.  Nnemeka did that inorder to  draw favour from the  man in his  position as the Auditor-General of the Federation.  But he listened intently,  causing the line of people waiting to see him nurture in patience for a little time.  When he  rounded up his story,  the Auditor-General  said there is absolutely nothing he could do.  The federal Government had not began fetching new work force into the federal   parastatals.  And his job will  flame on the burner  of dismissal if he takes any action without the permission of the powers that be.  When Nnemeka's gaze met his host again, they were parting. He made for the Elevator  and thanked the secretary who even after determining the purpose of his visit,  still felt satisfied to paste on him one more look of contempt. 

The Elevator sprang up before going down in the customary manner which he had become accustomed to.  As Nnemeka stepped  on the first large sandy earth washed and sieved  by the early August rains,  the  secretary's voice rushed into his ears.  "Oga is calling you."  "Me?"  Nnemeka asked with the hunger of reassurance.   They climbed unto the elevator as the secretary piling the atmosphere with silence  faced her front not saying a word.  When the elevator stopped,  she told Nnemeka,  "You may go inside. Oga  is waiting for you."  Inside, he dropped his Curriculum Vitae on the desk of the Auditor-General and after feasting on the bunge of words typed in  Times New Romans,  he assured him,  "with this you will get a job soon." The following months came with inventiveness and proper shelf of stories on how the  Auditor-General will call him.  Nnemeka thought in his  heart how he will seat in one of the offices for a test or an interview. He created questions and answered them.  "May i know you? Where do you see yourselves five years from now? And to the final question how much do we pay you? Each time he set his thoughts  on these pre-interview  questions, a veil of comfort sat on his face.  Soon these desires and happiness washed away like a mist is dealt the heavy  blow of  early  morning sunrise. 

Months grew and soon two years had passed yet the raging silence  from the Auditor-General's office continued  unrestrained.  However,  Nnemeka met a friend of  his,  a class mate at the young but prestigious Benue State University and there,  after following some links of people, he was employed at NNPC. His course mate  who served as a bridge for this employment ; during the days of their learning was a person who in his list of things,  studies was the last.  He played with his books and the days of test and exams were shared with football matches,  for he was a chelsea fan.  But today,  he is employed.  Nigeria died in the 70's and 80's when merit was valued over connection. Nnemeka was still happy that the system has for once looked upon him with a hand of kindness. With benefits alone,  Nnemeka rented the nice apartment that was within the powers of  the gilded in Abuja to touch.   The sufferings he  experienced though fresh like green algae clinging to a semi-wet wall,  had been beaten and defeated by the new life of luxury and comfort that had besieged him.  Nnemeka was still standing at the door when the thought loosed its grip on him.  The door gave way to pressuring zig-zag edges of the  key and there it opened.  He  dusted his feet and threw his shuttle bag unto the waiting bed.  The bag bounced twice and humbled itself on the bed.  He never gave a little kindness to the HP nozzled in the bag.  Again,  his  Jollof rice,  the food in which many Nigerians will throw a punch to have it stayed served on the table.  Nnemeka walked with a hungry agility and lifted up the lid of his China plate wherein he had secured the Jollof rice on  a waiting  line.  Nnemeka's colleague,  a female, Margaret often sparing was charitable enough to wash hin with praise for the  first time.  That a good man who improves in his cooking Jollof rice like he did  will soon secure a job as the  head of chefs in Transcorp Hilton Hotel.   Nnemeka adopted her praise with a mixture of two things — a bitter  and sweet admiration.  After that interlude of  thought had passed,  he opened the China and two giant cockroaches raced in two different directions like the parting of the Red Sea in the Holy Scriptures. Anger held Nnemeka's feet glued to the floor of his Maitama apartment.  One of the cockroaches took cover under the banner of  his wreathe of flower vase.  The other,  a little more wiser preferred the cravics of the kitchen door. Nnemeka looked in different  directions drawing inspiration to what he would do to these little beasts.  A thought enveloped him as he  remembered how mama Titi  his neighbour used to kill cockroaches, she would smack them with a strange force until the white or milky colour of the poor cockroaches scattered on her palm as the insect became more flattened like a  Ballon whose tenure of airfulness ends in a sad tale.  She would rob her two hands together and  straight to the sink.  She would wash them off.  "This is how you handle cockroaches she would often  declare."


But for Nnemeka  on that weak day,  he lacked the ounce of energy to carry out such a grumsome  attack.  Before Nnemeka went to the broom laying densely upwards, he  folded his suit into a twig.  He thought against it and went to the broom,  took it and  charged at the one  behind his vase.   Liquid scattered in  a wreathed flare around  the cockroach. A strange smell of  liquid,  irritating as it was at the moment rushed to his neck and  hurriedly made the long journey down through the walls of his osophagus.  He closed his eyes. As he took the broom  charging on  the other wiser cockroach clinging firmly to the  hairy cravics of the wood  of the kitchen door,  the insect flew and found a vent of escape through the punctured route  of the new mosquitoe  net which the Carpenter could not finish fixing because the heavens vomited heavy rains the previous day in Abuja.  He  looked plaintively at the face of the sad Jollof rice  and he saw that one of the cockroaches had cemented a little part of its wing to announce attendance that they were really on the food.  He thought again on the effort he had invested in cooking his Jollof rice  whose niceties earned him a medallion of praise.  Nnemka cast a heavy glare on his bread that he had hardly touched and saw that the cockroaches left bandages of their feathers and  nibbles for a record of their  appearance too there.  He thought  of what he should do as the hunger narrowing on the walls of his  intestines continued digging a  massive  hole.  Of all things living or non living,  Nnemka could thank God  for the beast of the field but for the cockroaches  he often withhold his appreciation. He thought of going across the adjacent street to catch a taxi to Shoprite.  Nnemeka  saw how badly he needed  a car  that would have made his movement easy.  That day after returning with a sealed food from Shoprite he  decided that he would purchase a car.  As the darkness gathers thickness,  he wrote in his diary  the words highlighted this time in green.  I hate you with a good phobia, but I must find a  away of killing you.   He underlined the angry words.  When the inpatient  morning arrived,  he beautified his toilet  window with a gigantic atomic weapon— Mobil insects and Cockroach killer.

***
‘Here’s some money, use that and get a cab, you need to leave’ he’d returned with some naira notes.
I stared at him dumbfounded, not knowing what to do, what to say, my mouth itched for words but my tongue was asleep, this was surprising.
I wrote love stories for a living and usually, after a lovemaking scene, the two lovers always laid in each other’s arms saying sweet words to one another, why was my case different?

‘I don’t want to go’ I declined and sank into the cushion.

‘You are kidding right? I’m expecting a visitor and it would be appropriate for you to be seen here, she may see you in bad light, I promise to call in the morning, okay?’ he bent and placed a quick kiss on my lips. It felt good, but it wasn’t from his heart, why did he want me to leave so bad?

‘It’s my mother, she came to see me…’ he said as if reading my thoughts.

‘Your mother? Can I see her’? I was a bit excited, Deji always gushed about the woman, he loved her very much.

‘No dear, not yet, you would meet my family when the time comes, excuse me’ she winked and fetched his buzzing phone.

‘I would love to meet them…’ I smiled, did he really mean what he said? My heart fluttered at his words. If he wanted me to meet with his family, it meant he would marry me.

‘Okay mum, give me twenty minutes, I’ll pick you up, love you’ he whispered and returned to me.

‘Are you okay? You don’t seem happy, didn’t you enjoy my lovemaking’? he arched his brow.

‘It’s nothing, I’m fine…’ I replied.

‘Good, I have an idea…’ he bit my ear softly and I felt my abdomen soften.

‘Let’s do it one more time, I’ll take you to the heavens’ he didn’t wait for my permission before slipping a hand into my dress as he set my mounds free from the bondage of a black bra.

‘You’re killing me softly…’ I moaned underneath him as he rode me.

‘I love to f*ck you baby’ Deji was wild.

‘I love you Deji’ I cried again as I felt myself soar the clouds, I smiled contently as I reached the grove of pleasure.

‘You’re so sweet Riri’ he kissed me and rose to his feet.

I noticed he never spoke the words ‘I love you’ but I didn’t bother him, he’d showed me he truly loved me, no man had loved me this way before, he was my first and would be my last, my heart suddenly found faith in him, in his love and his eyes when I stared at him.

‘I’m glad you gave me your virginity’Deji smacked my backside.
‘It’s because I love you so much, I’d do anything for you’ I said huskily.

‘Does that include catching a grenade for me’? he winked.
‘I’m not Bruno Mars, but I can sure try’ I replied and we burst out laughing. I loved the sound of our laughter, it was real, and we both were happy.

‘Alright, take care of yourself, how’s Mfon by the way? would you tell her about this’? he knew Mfon resented him and knew how close we were.

‘No, it’s my life not hers’ I replied.

‘Good. Take care of you’ he blew me a kiss and led me to the door.
***
It wasn’t too late so cabs were much around, I halted one and slid into it, the night was still cold but I still felt Deji’s warmth on me, he was such a nice person. I was happy and glad I had given myself to him, I was sure this would make us bond.

‘Thank you good Nigerian’ I whispered to the cab driver as I handed him the fare.
‘Okay…’ the man mumbled some words I didn’t understand, maybe he thought I was drunk.
I found myself singing songs of love till I reached the door . I tapped twice and my friend opened it and I saw disapproval mixed with disappointment in her golden brown eyes.

‘What?’ I gaped at her, I didn’t like the way her eyes ran over me.

‘He has touched you, he has gotten what he wanted and he isn’t coming back’ she said. Those words felt like a blade and they seared my skin.

‘Why are you such a killjoy? Why are you so sure that Deji would hurt me? If I didn’t know you well, I’d say you’re jealous, please stay away from my relationship matters’ I cried, Mfon was getting on my nerves and I hated it when we quarreled.

‘I am not jealous of you Redeemed, I know guys like Deji, I’ve been in a relationship with guys like him before, he doesn’t love you, doesn’t deserve you, how I’m I ever going to let you see this’? Mfon asked.

‘Well, that’s your story, the fact that you got broken hearted by some cute face guy doesn’t mean we share the same fate, I am Redeemed and you are Mfon, so excuse me and goodnight’ I walked out on her and straight to my room.
Her words terrified me, sometimes it felt like she pronounced my thoughts that were being suppressed by false hope.

I dropped on the bed and sobbed for some minutes before I found the strength to open my laptop, I had a work to present to the media team at the P.R company I worked for, we were given a task to write on relationship issues and present it to the media team. Our boss told us we would be making videos too.

‘What do you do with a boyfriend who refuses to say ‘I love you’? I typed, that was my question, I needed to work on it, and I needed answers from others.
‘Why can’t she leave me be?’ my phone made a lot of noise and I picked it up, Mfon turned out to be the caller.

‘What is it now?’ I asked.

‘Log into your facebook account right now, the pictures are everywhere, Deji is getting married’.

‘You’re really crazy you know that?’ I hissed and turned off the phone.

‘Deji is getting married’ the words echoed in my brain and I found myself trembling all over.

I quickly fetched my diary and scribbled something to distract me, Mfon was lying, she was just paying me back for walking out on her.

‘ Darling Diary,
I lost my virginity tonight’

Deji will live to hate his life for what he did to the poor virgin Riri..

hamzatseyi:
give me 5 packs !!!!!! give me 5 packs !!!!!!

Sure !!!

You can get more.

Some guys are psychopaths...

Adesina12 a bottle of J.C le Roux sparkling wine, snoekfish and a packet of popcorn abeg.

I had parked somewhere, make I find my spot. Now I'm going to read.......

jagugu88li:
Adesina12 a bottle if J.C le Roux sparkling wine, snoekfish and a packet of popcorn abeg.

I had parked somewhere, make I find my spot. Now I'm going to read.......

where did you park? make I come join you bae.

welcome on board

100kg of popcorn for you alone with a J.C le Roux sparkling wine and smokefish