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One of the hardest things some people have ever had to accept in life is when a relationship ends. I'm no exception. So I'll use my experience to illustrate what it means to surrender to what is.


I was in one particularly potent relationship, the lady I was with decided to stop communicating with me (yes, just like that). One day we were conjoined twin, the next, it was complete silence. There was no explanation whatsoever and it took me a little bit to realize what had happened - she was no longer speaking to me. There was this particular day I ran to her and had a five minute, one-sided conversation with her. She acted like I was invisible the entire time. Efforts made to make her realize how far apart we are going prove abortive.


Eventually, I got over the shock and embarrassment and I had to figure out a way to change the situation, so I started talking to a friend, my colleagues,and even my siblings. I read voraciously, at a time I went ahead and spoke to a spiritual advisor about what I could do. All the discussions I had boiled down to a single consensus. Which is? Surrender to what is. And that was what I did.


You see, the reason why I'm writing this is to point out the fact that we don't really get whatever it is we want every time. A book by John C. Maxwell was titled "Sometimes You Win, Sometimes You Learn". This happens every time in relationships. Sometimes we feel like we are winning (of course we are), when everything is working out fine, we are happy with our lives and career, our account is getting fatter, we've got a good home, family is living well, baby in the womb is kicking and all that. But some other times, its like the whole world is crashing down on us, then, we get through all of that, we learn from our mistakes and so on. However, a grave mistake some people make is that they do not learn from past relationships, they actually see themselves as losers (that being one thing human beings are not carved for). Nobody want to be termed a 'loser'. So instead of accepting things the way it is, they'll rather hang on. That's when you'll hear words like "I know he doesn't want me, but I'm still going to stick around, who knows, he might eventually change his mind and desire me". Some would gladly say, "even though she broke up with me, that doesn't stop us from dating as long I'm yet to break up with her". OK, that was funny. But hardly do they know that the 'sticking around' or trying to play all the romantic scenes in movies will not in any way help their matter.


Talking about movies, I was having a conversation with a lady sometimes ago. During the course of our discussion, I was made to understand she is in an abusive relationship but still sticking in because of some of the scenes in movies she had seen. I was trying to make her understand what she had gotten herself into but all my effort was not appreciated, she was hell bent on continuing in the said relationship. It got to a point she was asking me if I have seen some Korean movies (unfortunately am not a fan of Korean movies). When I told her I haven't seen any of those films she mentioned, she said "no wonder, that's why you're talking like this". She later proceed by sharing with me how a lady was constantly abused and ignored by a guy she 'loved' so much right from the season one (1) of a particular movie all through to season four (4) before the said guy eventually decided to 'love' the lady. I laughed hard that day because I find it more funny than 'AY's show' or 'Night of a Thousand Laugh'.

Fortunately or rather unfortunately, getting to the tail end of season four (4), the lady died. So I asked "what became of the guy?" *sensing where I was headed* she whispered something incoherent. I actually wanted her to understand that this lady just wasted four (4) years of her life or more simply because she failed to surrender to what is.

When I was being advised to surrender to what is, for quite sometime I was troubled. Then I asked myself, 'how do I surrender?'. 'What does it even look like?'. I fought with this concept, and beat myself into pieces trying to figure it out-until one very eventful meditation; where it became crystal clear.


To surrender, in this situation meant I had to accept whatever really, truly was. I had to see the truth with zero-judgment, and then say, 'Okay'. I said to myself, 'I accept this for what it is', 'I accept that this person does not want to speak to me, and I accept that we will never, ever speak again'. Once I was actually able to accept this (it took a few seconds during my meditation, after some tears) I could see clearly what I had to do (who said tears don't wash away the dirt in one's eye?). Sure, I could talk to this person, or text them if something came up, or whatever I felt reasonable, really. But I had to accept they'd never reply. And I did.


While all of this might sound really airy-fairy. I can speak wholeheartedly from experience and say: this is the best possible thing I could have ever done for myself and for the relationship. I surrendered to what was, I allowed her to be, and I honoured whatever my needs were. I let the situation just, be. Once I did that, a weight lifted off my shoulders. I no longer had to make her do anything, or be something I wasn't. I could forgive her, forgive myself, and move on. I could be free, literally, from the mind shackles that bound me.


http://kolawolepeters..com.ng/2016/02/surrender-to-what-is.html

Who will read this?

falconey:
Who will read this?

i did and to tell you the truth it was quite refreshing.you guys should learn to read,you'll learn a thing or two i assure you.

geez18:
i did and to tell you the truth it was quite refreshing.you guys should learn to read,you'll learn a thing or two i assure you.

oh! I'm glad you like it.

kolawolepeters:
oh! I'm glad you like it.

aye,you're welcome.

Having trouble getting over your ex?
Do you miss the way that they looked at you? The way that they smelled? The way their hand felt in yours?
Do you think you see them walking down the street when really it’s a stranger? Do you still hear certain music that reminds you of them?
When someone takes up so much of your life, it’s impossible to get over them in a day or two.
And while doing things like reading, walking, working out, journaling, and hanging out with friends can certainly be positive distractions, if you really want to deal with the root cause of the emotional pain you still feel you’ll have to do things a little bit differently.
A Personal Story
I have a secret to confess…
I went through a break up that took me several years to get over.
She was intelligent, challenging, loving, kind, and fuuucking beautiful. We dated for just over a year and the mark she left on my heart was undeniable.
I had imagined our futures together. Repeatedly. I pictured her smiling face looking up at me at our wedding. We had discussed what we would name our children.
I fell in love with her, hard. And one day it was all over.
It took several painful years to get over her. Years of hiding myself emotionally and engaging in surface level relationships.
I could have done it a lot sooner if I knew how to properly address what was really going on in my unconscious mind… and I want to help you get through things much faster, by laying out that process in this article.
The Chemical Process You Experience During A Break Up
Emotions are one of the most addictive things available to you.
When you are in love with someone, your brain is hit with massive surges of dopamine (brain scans have shown that our minds follow very similar patterns when influenced by cocaine or nicotine).
When you no longer have access to your intimate partner (post-breakup), your brain doesn’t fall out of love with them… it simply continues to be in love with them, but you no longer have access to them. And, like a crying baby who doesn’t have access to his mother that it so yearns for, our minds “rejector stimulus” is on overdrive. We simultaneously feel the pain of abandonment, the deep craving for a “fix” of our drug (aka partner) of choice and our once-regular hits of dopamine and oxytocin are nowhere to be found.
In fact, immediately after a break up, your happy chemicals are replaced with a flood of cortisol (stress hormone) and adrenaline. It’s almost as if your body is saying “Here’s a rush of energy… time to get up! Either work your ass off to get that one back, or go make yourself a more valuable partner and find someone else!”
(Side note: If I had $100 for every time one of my clients asked me if they should process their fresh break up by going out on a tear and hooking up with a dozen women, I would be retired)
Long story short, if you were hooked up to a brain scanner, your brain after a painful break up is highly similar to the brain of a drug addict in rehab.
Getting Over A Break Up — Do These Things First:
1. Remind Yourself Of The Good, The Bad, And The Awful
Part of the reason we get stuck in processing our break up is that we idealize the relationship as a big collection of amazing, emotionally fulfilling times with very little downside. In reality, you fought frequently and there were core incompatibilities that drove you apart.
To get a more accurate view of your past relationship, journal about the things that you loved about the relationship, the things that bothered you about your ex, and your part in the down fall of the relationship.
2. Allow Yourself Space To Grieve By Yourself
Take a few days (at least) to sit with your emotions and let them move through you.
Every time you resist feeling an emotion it goes down to the basement to lift weights. So if you ignore the frustration, anger, resentment, hurt, or pain that is present in your body, it will only get stronger and come back louder than before until you listen to the signals.
3. Embody The ‘You’ That Felt The Most Stifled
In any failed relationship there is bound to be a part of you that felt like it was discouraged by your ex.
Maybe she didn’t like your playful side, or how much time you wanted to spend with your friends, or how much time you spent working on your business.
Whatever it was that felt dormant, go and inhabit that side of yourself to the fullest degree.
You only suffer in a breakup to the extent that you lost yourself during the relationship… so there might be some leftover negative emotional residue if you felt like you weren’t fully allowed to be yourself around your partner. So go be you… all of you!
4. Use Your New Found Energy For Positive Growth
With the surge of adrenaline and cortisol that you get after a break up telling you to get up and get out (aka numb yourself to the pain by partying and hooking up with others) you have a huge opportunity.
Get your exercise routine dialled, learn a new skill , or build a new business.
I have had clients who built successful seven figure businesses from the surge of adrenaline that they got from an especially painful breakup.
Some of the best art in the world was made by people who had lost love. Utilize this current of emotional energy for your personal gain.
5. See Your Emotional Process As A Trend, Not A Linear Path Away From Suffering
If you expect your emotional suffering to decrease in a linear A to B straight line, you’re in for a rude awakening.
Re-frame your processing of the breakup as something that generally trends upwards and you won’t be as taken aback by the down days (when you see something that reminds you of your ex, smell their perfume on someone, etc.).
How To Destroy The Root Cause Of Your Emotional Suffering
So you’ve done everything listed above and it only feels like it’s affecting you on the logical level, and not on the deeper emotional level?
Then I have one exercise left for you. And it’s one that gets right to the heart of the suffering.
Think back to your relationship with your partner, remember all of the good times and ask yourself one question…
What is the overarching emotional benefit that you got from being with them specifically?
It could be something along the lines of “She made me feel appreciated/proud/good about myself.”
Whatever that thing is, one of the reasons that you’re suffering this long after your break up is because whatever she did for you is still a large void in your life.
You may be emotionally and psychologically addicted to your ex because they were your only source of a certain emotion, thought, or feeling that you only got from them.
Some examples of this would be…
– You have low self-esteem and she made you see yourself through her much more positive perspective
– You are reluctant to give yourself any praise for a job well done and she would lavish you with praise and congratulations
– You feel directionless in life and your relationship with her gave you a project to work on
– You aren’t good at keeping yourself accountable or on track with your goals and she helped you tremendously in this area of your life
Whatever your ex gave you, you are likely still suffering because you barely give yourself any of the emotional benefit that she gave you tons of.
So the action step part of this section is to start giving yourself the thing that she used to give you.
Like a bird who lands on a tree branch only to have it break out from underneath it’s feet, you still have wings. You can make yourself soar without her.
Is Getting Over Your Ex Truly Possible?
Do I still do mental gymnastics sometimes and begin convincing myself that I’m still not over her? Yes, I do. As do a handful of my clients that are engaged to other women. But our brains are experts at convincing ourselves (logically) that we want things that aren’t good for us (because we want them emotionally).
When I slow down for longer than a minute and think about why we broke up (several times) it was because we weren’t right for each other. She is my ex for a reason… just like yours is your ex for a reason. If it was meant to be then it would have been easier and you both would have fought to keep it going. But now it’s in the past and all that’s left to do is to let go of it.
They came into your life to teach you a lesson about yourself, and now it’s time to gracefully let go of that person. You are better off for having known them, and you both bumped into each other on your life’s journey so that you can better prepare each other for your next respective relationships.
If you need help getting through the emotional turmoil of a recent (or not so recent) break up, please feel free to

kilode.. See epistles

NevetsIbot:
kilode.. See epistles

i am sure that which u call epistle will help somebody to move on in life and surrender to what is. many are tied down by the love for their ex. But they just have to let go

oloriomoloa:
i am sure that which u call epistle will help somebody to move on in life and surrender to what is. many are tied down by the love for their ex. But they just have to let go

I read it all tho. Just poking fun

[quote author=NevetsIbot post=52969408]I read it all tho. Just poking fun[/quote
That's good to know.

AM jst tired of copy an paste niggaz

DECEPTION
David thought he could use Deception to cover Disobedience.
Buh Deception never covers Disobedience, it just makes it worse.
He only planned to go as far as the exit marked "adultery", But the momentum of his deceit took him all the way to the off-ramp of "murder".
*Sin will take you farther than you wanted to go,
*Sin will keep you longer than you wanted to stay,
*Sin will cost you more than you wanted to pay.......
Beware!!!