₦airaland Forum

I hope you are not planning to go and sit in your own children's house one day. I swear people need to start interviewing not just their prospective sons or daughters in law but their mothes also. If they seem like the kind that have nothing to do with their time then they should advice their children to look else where. Why should you have the mindset of being entitled to something because you struggled to raise your children. Love will not make such demands and the mother knows that she is out of line. Will she go to her daughter's house and do the same knowing that the husband might not think it is cool. She is ok though doing it where she is now simply because the woman  is not her own. This has gone on too long.

Good points.

snowdrops:
@ y me;   googles;   cantell;    sugar pp;    mama-gee;   ifedy;    selencious;   outstrip;  

MAY YOU ALL SUFFER THE SAME TREATMENT AT THE HANDS OF YOUR [FUTURE] DAUGHTER IN-LAW

AMEN

What goes around comes around

Na so e pain u reach  

FYI I dont plan on turning to a "nuisance" mother-in-law,  so save your curse

snowdrops:
@ y me;   googles;   cantell;    sugar pp;    mama-gee;   ifedy;    selencious;   outstrip;  

MAY YOU ALL SUFFER THE SAME TREATMENT AT THE HANDS OF YOUR [FUTURE] DAUGHTER IN-LAW

AMEN

What goes around comes around

Wait okay. Maybe your son will want to suck your bosom again after he marries his own wife. Don't grow up and face reality. I do not feel it is suffering. People like you who like to take the victims approach to everything see being self sufficient as suffering. Lazy woman

sjeezy8:
you people are yarning dust If my mother tells my sisters my wife mistreated her HMMMM My sisters would beat the hell out of my wife.

What kind of mumu would watch his wife getting beaten, or even harassed. Might want to check that manhood, make sure its still there

snowdrops:
@ y me; [b]googles; cantell; sugar pp; mama-gee; ifedy; selencious; outstrip; [/b]

MAY YOU ALL SUFFER THE SAME TREATMENT AT THE HANDS OF YOUR [FUTURE] DAUGHTER IN-LAW

AMEN

What goes around comes around

[size=13pt]Oga !!! which one be this na wat sorta rubbish is this now mcheeeew besides who has the time to go and sit in her son's house,i wasn,t brought up that way so why should i start? besides wat is the mama looking for that she can't[b] stay in her own husband's house[/b]? [/size]

Outstrip:
Oh please. Give me a break. So because you do your job as a mother means that you should not let someone else live their life the want? Be about something for heaven's sake. Do something for yourself. Don't sit around and clean and cook all day and have no other interests but your children. It is people like this that become a problem later. This mother in law does not seem ill to me and I have countless of older women in my family that now I am starting to understand why they preferred to stay in the village than live with my aunties and uncles. They have things they enjoy doing in the village. They have their own lives. What if the woman's mother decides to come and stay there too? If they are both okay with it then fine, if the woman needs to be taken care of and he is an only child then fine but that is not the case here.
I hope you are not planning to go and sit in your own children's house one day. I swear people need to start interviewing not just their prospective sons or daughters in law but their mothes also. If they seem like the kind that have nothing to do with their time then they should advice their children to look else where. Why should you have the mindset of being entitled to something because you struggled to raise your children. Love will not make such demands and the mother knows that she is out of line. Will she go to her daughter's house and do the same knowing that the husband might not think it is cool. She is ok though doing it where she is now simply because the woman  is not her own. This has gone on too long.
Women need to do something for themselves also so that in their old age they can transition more easily. It is never easy to come to terms with an empty nest but having some interests will make more fun. My Aunty in Enugu has to go to Lagos whenever my cousin has to travel out of the country for business but she cannot wait to go back. According to her "nobody will water her flowers" so she has to return quickly. She is involved with the church, with her village meeting and so many other things. She has no time to go sit in somebody's house and be a nuisance.

i guess we can't all be of the same opinion, at least you agree that if the mother needs care or if the husband is an only son then it's okay.


there's no elderly person (healthy or not) in my family that lives with their married children; my grandmothers live in their own houses. we visit them for a few days at a time only (and vice versa) never up to a week, so we always look forward to seeing them again. i happen to think this arrangement is the best for creating a loving relationship across generations within a family. i have friends who have grandmothers living with them and i notice many of them dislike their paternal grandmothers.

so obviously, i don't plan on staying with my kids (when i get married and have them). and no, i don't think a mother is entitled to living with her married kids either. my point is if for some reason things turn out that way, the wife should be able to handle the situation graciously.

HAHAHA is this the kind of the future mothers-in-law

ehen i watched this naija movie, this mother had been pestering her son to get married, he finally did. after marriage mama comes to stay wiv them( which i dont understand , cos as a newly wed i wld wnt to spend time alone wiv my husband and shag every where possible in the house, while howling like a were wolf during a full moon) any way mama comes to stay oooo and sudenly turns in to wat u can only discribe at the B-i-t-c-h from the hottest part of hell, one day wifey was like mama ur food is ready come and eat, mama is like no i dont want to eat ( rather nastily0 wifey goes haba mama ave prepared ur fav food, come and eat please, mama is like i said i dont want to eat, mama come and eat now, na him mama dash wifey one hot slap, i said i dnt want to eat r u deaf ( actually i wasnt b4 the slap lol)
o boy e, i vex like dog wey get rabbies, oboy if my moda inlaw slap me, b4 her son come back i go don re.arrange her anatomy, by the time her pikin come back she go dey mess from nose, see wiv her anus,breath frm her arm pit etc

snowdrops:
@ y me;   googles;   cantell;    sugar pp;    mama-gee;   ifedy;    selencious;   outstrip;  

MAY YOU ALL SUFFER THE SAME TREATMENT AT THE HANDS OF YOUR [FUTURE] DAUGHTER IN-LAW

AMEN

What goes around comes around

ANOTHER AMEN

make man just dey pray look all this mother-in-law to be dey behave

@Poster

If its your own mother will you run to NL to yawn rubbish. If my mum come and stay 3 months yours will stay only one month. Cuz if you dont fell comfy with my mum i don't think i can allow yours in my house.
Na so una dey put problem for family anywhere una go. You forget you will be mother-in-law one day.

@GL
Will u be my wife?

GL:
i guess we can't all be of the same opinion, at least you agree that if the mother needs care or if the husband is an only son then it's okay.


there's no elderly person (healthy or not) in my family that lives with their married children; my grandmothers live in their own houses. we visit them for a few days at a time only (and vice versa) never up to a week, so we always look forward to seeing them again. i happen to think this arrangement is the best for creating a loving relationship across generations within a family. i have friends who have grandmothers living with them and i notice many of them dislike their paternal grandmothers.

so obviously, i don't plan on staying with my kids (when i get married and have them). and no, i don't think a mother is entitled to living with her married kids either. my point is if for some reason things turn out that way, the wife should be able to handle the situation graciously.

I agree. I cannot stand the fakeness. I know a lady (and I use the term loosely) that her mother has been here in the US for years with them. Sure Mama has helped out and as far as I know her husband has never complained. In fact as far as I am concerned he is okay with not paying the extra money needed for childcare. The problem here though is that this woman bad mouths this man. She complained to my husband once on the phone that they are holding her in the US against her will and that she is being maltreated. This is the same woman though that has told people that she will not go back to the village unless they build her a house in the village. All this nonsense could easily be avoided if Mama comes to visit and then goes her merry way. What do you think he will think when he hears that his mother in law said these things. Familiarity breeds contempt o jare

vivaladiva:
ehen i watched this naija movie, this mother had been pestering her son to get married, he finally did. after marriage mama comes to stay wiv them( which i dont understand , cos as a newly wed i wld wnt to spend time alone wiv my husband and sleep with every where possible in the house, while howling like a were wolf during a full moon) any way mama comes to stay oooo and sudenly turns in to wat u can only discribe at the B-i-t-c-h from the hottest part of hell, one day wifey was like mama your food is ready come and eat, mama is like no i dont want to eat ( rather nastily0 wifey goes haba mama ave prepared your fav food, come and eat please, mama is like i said i dont want to eat, mama come and eat now, na him mama dash wifey one hot slap, i said i dnt want to eat r u deaf ( actually i wasnt b4 the slap lol)
o boy e, i vex like dog wey get rabbies, oboy if my moda inlaw slap me, b4 her son come back i go don re.arrange her anatomy, by the time her pikin come back she go dey mess from nose, see wiv her anus,breath frm her arm pit etc

LOL. This your grammar is hard to read but I think that movie was mother in law. That was a funny movie but a lot of lessons to be learned. The funny thing there is that her son even accused her of going to all their siblings house and fermenting trouble. LOL. The problem is that even when they know they do not tell their mothers. The whole thing just makes for a nasty relationship. Why do all the fakeness. Mama comes and stays for a few weeks and leaves. There is nobody in their right mind that will complain because their mother in law came for a few weeks to stay. Anyway it is Nigerian mentality though. Accept all the nonsense and just complain under your breath and everything else falls apart. We just need to wake up abeg

My mother in law ll be too busy wit her life than to idle out in my home.

@gl, i just had a baby and bliv me i adore her gorgeous little face to bits, but that doesnt give me the right to dictate to make her life miserable
this is the problem right here, many mother inlaws of today r frm very unhappy homes, it sudnt come as a surprise to know that many of them went thru a similar fate at the hands of their own mother inlaws, so the solution 4 them is to make their own daughter inlaws life miserable, the mentality being, after all i endured the same thing at the hands of my own mother inlaw, y sud she have an easy ride,
but then again some women r just weaklings, because they r so eager to be called mrs this, they resort to eye service to win over their moda inlaws to be, b4 marriage u will see them goin to mama's house to wash her plate, sweep her house, wash her pant, lick her yansh, go to the market, smile when they r not suppose to, ah mama dont worry u don shit abi, no worry i go come clean ur yansh, u knw i love ur son and i so desperately want to marry him, as u can see i am wife materia from a to z, inshort slap me and see, i will just smile and ask u if ur ready to eat now
so there u go hypocrisy and eye service na him go kill all of una, now wey u don marry her pikin u no wan clean her yansh again, y , me i dont do pretence and i dont do eye service and i sure as hell am not licking any womans yansh because i want to marry her son, if u no like me carry ya pikin go, it is nt by force to marry oooo and i wont trade my pride, sanity and peace of mind for marriage
come to my house and over stay ur welcome, u no dey look face i resemble who u fit boss about for street talk less of my own house

I think that is the bottom line. Many of our mother's have the mentality that they had a hard marriage but that they will wait and enjoy their lives through their children. So rather than fight their own fight they will rather wait and try and impose on their children. The sad part is that they pretend that history is not repeating itself. These same women will be highly uncomfortable if their own child's in law comes to live there. They will say that they are trying to do to her child what was done to her. LMAO. In fact the whole thing makes no sense.

birdman:
What kind of mumu would watch his wife getting beaten, or even harassed. Might want to check that manhood, make sure its still there

My manhood is all there. If my wife disrespects my mother in the slightest way I will divorce her A$$ and if she abuses my mother in anyway I wont stop my sisters from beating her as before or after I Divorce her.

sjeezy8:
My manhood is all there. If my wife disrespects my mother in the slightest way I will divorce her A$$ and if she abuses my mother in anyway I wont stop my sisters from beating her as before or after I Divorce her.

Who are your sisters abeg? I guess it depends on who you marry because you seem quite sure that your sisters can hurt someone and not get some serious ass whooping themselves. As for divorce, she will certainly be better off with that divorce with your attitude

Wow, interesting topic.

Outstrip, you couldn't have said it better. Raising YOUR child is no reason to impose yourself into their lives as ADULTS. Abegii if you didn't raise them, who would have? You did the do so that excuse doesn't make sense. Bottom line is that there's a limit to everything.

Outstrip:
Who are your sisters abeg? I guess it depends on who you marry because you seem quite sure that your sisters can hurt someone and not get some serious backside whooping themselves. As for divorce, she will certainly be better off with that divorce with your attitude

my mother is very sweet and nice so we dont play with people not mistreatin our mother. She knows what limits there are, but if she wants to live in my house she can do so . . . I wouldnt tell my wifes mother to leave so my wife should even think about telling mines to.

When a lady marrys me she is marrying my WHOLE family and her family is my own also.

Have heard of cases where mother-in-law move into their son/daughter house to live with them for many years.As long as she can

vivaladiva:
ehen i watched this naija movie, this mother had been pestering her son to get married, he finally did. after marriage mama comes to stay wiv them( which i dont understand , cos as a newly wed i wld wnt to spend time alone wiv my husband and sleep with every where possible in the house, while howling like a were wolf during a full moon) any way mama comes to stay oooo and sudenly turns in to wat u can only discribe at the B-i-t-c-h from the hottest part of hell, one day wifey was like mama your food is ready come and eat, mama is like no i dont want to eat ( rather nastily0 wifey goes haba mama ave prepared your fav food, come and eat please, mama is like i said i dont want to eat, mama come and eat now, na him mama dash wifey one hot slap, i said i dnt want to eat r u deaf ( actually i wasnt b4 the slap lol)
o boy e, i vex like dog wey get rabbies, oboy if my moda inlaw slap me, b4 her son come back i go don re.arrange her anatomy, by the time her pikin come back she go dey mess from nose, see wiv her anus,breath frm her arm pit etc

lwkmd    i would be mad in that situation also, i probably won't beat her up but i might insult her. and i doubt that i'll ever have a good relationship with such a woman afterwards.

vivaladiva:
@gl, i just had a baby and bliv me i adore her gorgeous little face to bits, but that doesnt give me the right to dictate to make her life miserable
this is the problem right here, many mother inlaws of today r frm very unhappy homes, it sudnt come as a surprise to know that many of them went thru a similar fate at the hands of their own mother inlaws, so the solution 4 them is to make their own daughter inlaws life miserable, the mentality being, after all i endured the same thing at the hands of my own mother inlaw, y sud she have an easy ride,
but then again some women r just weaklings, because they r so eager to be called mrs this, they resort to eye service to win over their moda inlaws to be, b4 marriage u will see them goin to mama's house to wash her plate, sweep her house, wash her pant, lick her yansh, go to the market, smile when they r not suppose to, ah mama dont worry u don poo abi, no worry i go come clean your yansh, u knw i love your son and i so desperately want to marry him, as u can see i am wife materia from a to z, inshort slap me and see, i will just smile and ask u if your ready to eat now
so there u go hypocrisy and eye service na him go kill all of una, now wey u don marry her pikin u no wan clean her yansh again, y , me i dont do pretence and i dont do eye service and i sure as hell am not licking any womans yansh because i want to marry her son, if u no like me carry ya pikin go, it is nt by force to marry oooo and i wont trade my pride, sanity and peace of mind for marriage
come to my house and over stay your welcome, u no dey look face i resemble who u fit boss about for street talk less of my own house

though i don't have a problem with a live-in mother-in-law, i won't be bossed around in my own home. so if she tries to make my life miserable, [i]then [/i]we would have problems. i'm not even the kind of person that a husband or mother-in-law would ask to wash pants/clean yansh/sweep anyway. however, i like to think that there are many mothers who want their children to have even better/happier homes than they did.

sjeezy8:
My manhood is all there. If my wife disrespects my mother in the slightest way I will divorce her A$$ and if she abuses my mother in anyway I wont stop my sisters from beating her as before or after I Divorce her.

In that case, what you have is a (child bearing) pet, not a wife. If you ever find a woman that will let you treat her like this, watch your back, and your front.

Its funny how ladies think. Before i got married, the only condition i gave her was that she must be my moms best friend. if she cant then its not going to work. As the only child of my mother i know what i will be facing and so that was the best way to avoid such. on the other hand, I love my mothe inlaw to a fault. infact before i tell my issues to my mom my mother lnlaw knows aleady cos we are so close. my wife is even jealous about it too. she can stay and stay as long as she wishes. and so is my mom. my wife close to my mom than myself.

its all about tollerance and ladies can do it. you man can never side with you against his mom. put that in your head. as long as she is still alive his mother will defend him. so its needless fight her to leave cos she overstayed.

hey

y in gods name wld i want to live with my husband n his moda,,,,,at this age i cant even live with my moda talk less of anoda persons moda, even the bible says a man will leave his mother and his father and CLING to his wife ( me i no be christian) but i think this sentence makes alot of sense, prob is nigerian men especially want to cling to both their wivves and their mothers, its too much wahala abeg especially if the moda inlaw in question is like a huge pain in the back side, any well meaning moda wld understand that her son and his wife need their space and so not even attempt to over stay her welcome, my mama and him mama none of them go over stay their welcome, and when i say over stay welcome, i mean come and stay for a couple of days max 2 weeks and go bck to ur own house,

@GL
baby u be correct woman and pple lik are brought in a well, decent family and disciplined mothers full of morals, i too never pray my paternal inlaws should over-stay wit us, moreover ous both parents are d self-minded type despite d fact dat am d only child of my father, but we can tell wht d future brings if such hapens we should b able 2 handle d case without any grugdes,disrespect or immoral becos paternal inlaws are ur both parents in situation where is love, peace and harmony, for d ladies being in war wit ur mother inlaws so ur daughter inlaws wil b in war wit u, even if u did not stay wit them.

I pray I won't have to come to a state where I'd see my M-I-L as burdensome, In as much as it's not possible to please everyone, I think MINDSET plays a huge role in all of this!
Most of us would agree that even OUR moms can get on our nerves at times, and that never made us see them as ENEMY OF THE STATE! Lol, So why should we then see M-I-Ls as such,
No matter what any M-I-L does, we should look at it in the light of what background it's coming from!
There shouldn't be an issue with anyone over-staying or boss-ing around. But if such comes up, there's no harm in letting your spouse in the know,
My point is, if we can understand that WE ALL ARE NOT THE SAME AND CAN STILL BE TOGETHER IN 'HARMONY' IN WORK PLACES, WHERE WE HAVE OVER-BEARING ATTITUDE & ALL FORM OF NASTY-NESS; LIVE WITH OUR IMMEDIATE FAMILIES WITH THEIR OVER-BEARING TENDENCIES; FELLOWSHIP IN CHURCH WITH A VAST NUMBER OF HOLIER THAN THOU MEMBERS: ET AL, We should be able to live in love & understanding with the one who gave birth to the VERY ONE we have chosen to live the rest of our lives with!
Believe me, it's easy when you do it in love! Love is unconditional & doesn't see faults!!

By thunder. . .may all the WOMEN who think they can ill-treat a woman who kept the man you married in GOOD shape from during his youth to when he could make his decisions NEVER get a WORTHY husband! You scums of the earth disgust me! Are you you bastards insane or accursed? How can she 'over-stay'? A woman who trains and supports his own son to achieve to the highest possible is now 'over-staying'? A woman who had houses before you even finished school is now over-staying in your house of evil! Look, that marriage CANNOT and WILL NOT be blessed if you ill-treat the woman!

Except if she does really bad things to your marriage, she CANNOT over-stay and for you to even think such thoughts, you have invited curses on your self and marriage! When your sons are married too, YOU will get the same thing several times over! Useless ingrates!

I also tink d best is d couple shouldnt stay around where d parents can easily come 2 visit and if dey would come it wil b 4 an important reason either 4 naming ceremony, house warming etc

Bottom line is those of you who are not married should be very truthful with yourself before you marry a man. Giving you conditions like "if my mother does this and that what will you do" is a no no. He should expect that his mother will be respectful as he expects that you be respectful. It is better to nip it in the bud before you marry than after you marry. The longest my mother has stayed with me in 1 month after I had my second child and even that was hard for her. My Aunty is a widow and only had a husband for about 7 years and raised 4 children all by herself. Every single one is successful. As a matter of fact they are all super successful. She does not go to their houses and sits there because she has suffered for them. You Nigerian men need to grow up. In fact I am disgusted.
Always listen to what men say (like some of the moo moos here) and look for those traits in the man you will marry.
If God said it from the very beginning then it means something. There is no reason why the Bible will say "leave your father and mother and cling to your wife" if it was not supposed to mean something. As a matter of fact, the Bible even addressed this when it even described marriage for the first time. When a man has not understood what it means to "leave" and "cling" then he is not ready to marry. That is just the truth and no be me talk am. You can always ask God (who is bigger than your mother) why he said so.

@ all you PRETTY ladies worried about overstaying mother-in-laws,just marry me and i promise  you will have nothing to worry about.my mom will not even dare overstay here welcome because she knows if she dose,am gonna kick her punk-ass out myself. Iya gan mo iru omo ti oun bi. ko ni fe te.