₦airaland Forum

project4OO:
Your wife wants to leave you because your family gives her bad treatment?


Do you live with your family?



I really don't understand why any woman would want to leave her husband whom she knows loves her. I don't understand.

That your family "dislikes" you both and ignores should even be a plus, especially given how some women love to dissociate themselves from in-laws.

Do you know how risky it is to live with a person whose family hates you? If something happens to their son, do you know the way they will treat her? Don't you know that family support is important in a marriage? Besides, a man can ignore his wife's family if they don't like him but a woman leaves her family for the most part and is expected to be adopted by her man's family. If they turn their backs at her, how do you think she would fare? Maybe she is handling the way you don't like, but saying she should ignore them? It ain't easy. Not every wife wants to push her hubands people away so don't use one yardstick for all wives.

The OP's mother is wicked while the OP's mother in law is a bad mother for trying to arrange for the daughter to leave her husband.

deleSayo:
Since I married my wife, we noticed signs subtle signs that my family dont like her.

From day one of introducing her to the family, my elder brother's wife treated her with so much disrespect and everyone else followed suit. We ignored this and proceeded to marry.

For trad wedding, I gave money to my parents to help purchase the items for her bride price but on the day,  I was pained to see that the items were significantly incomplete (my wife noticed this too and kept it in her heart). She later told me that she saw my parents looking bored at the church wedding;as if they couldnt wait to leave. I was surprised because I saw that too but thought my wife hadn't noticed.

When we fell pregnant, they failed to acknowledge my wife's pregnancy throughout until the birth of the baby. Furthermore, my mother failed to show up for omugwo, leaving us alone to care for the newborn child.

All these things have built up resentment in my wife. She takes out the frustration on me. Things are so bad that my wife has completely isolated herself from all members of my family. She refuses to communicate with them or attend any functions.

Recently, I got wind that she is making secret plans to abscond with our baby and go live with her mother who is based abroad. Please I dont want to lose my wife. She's the best thing that ever happened to me but I can see clearly that she now despises both me and my family.

The marriage is in shambles. She believes that I failed to defend and protect her. not that I didnt feel the pain. Its just that I didnt know how to handle the situation. Please how can I resolve this?

1stly, why don't your family like your wife ? May be from there you will know how to handle it.
You should also confront your family members about this.
Even though your family does not/did not interfere with your marriage they still need to support you one way or the other.

nmreports:
Have you asked her what she would like you to do in other to resolve this?

# Dont mind everyone saying you are not man enough. They are just babbling and they are not perspective.
# Dont also believe or think your wife is doing the right thing... Yes she is unhappy but its you she married isnt it?.
# I dont expect you to force your family to love her... You cant.
# I dont also expect you to fight your family and most especially mum for your wife.
# I believe you must have tried to speak with your mum and family too.
# I also believe that someone is the one sowing this discord in the family but dont resent the person as you could be wrong.

All the above are my personal opinion. What I believe you should strongly do is to sit her down and ask how she would like you to resolve this and do as told.

Good luck delesayo

Good advice...

Then she is not your wife.a woman marries a man and his family so also the man

NotOfThis:
"Your wife is the best thing that has ever happened to you" yet you've been allowing your family to "treat her with so much disrespect". Wehdone Sir. You saw the disrespect right from your introduction but you "ignored" it. Part of your duty as a husband is to protect your wife but you have failed her. You're also in the best position to inquire from your family why they don't like her and straighten things out with them but you gave no reason for their hatred towards her and all you've been doing is ignoring things. Oga, if you can't be a man and do what you need to do to protect your wife and her well-being, then please let her go. The fact that she has completely isolated herself from your family and now wants to leave means their treatment of her is taking a toll on her emotionally. No one deserves to be in a hateful environment all in the the name of marriage. Otherwise, stand up for her and save your marriage.

I have seen a MIL who hated her DIL, from the very first day she saw her and no matter wah the guy did to make his mom change her attitude towards the DIL, e no work. After som years, it became very clear the guy's mom resented the DIL because the DIL was a very peaceable person who made the guy see life from d pictures of strife, trouble-making, wickedness and hate. Infact, the MIL even told a terrible and desperate lie against the DIL and wen the dude didn't beat his wife as the MIL expected, the MIL cursed the dude. The truth of the MIL's motives came up after a very close frnd and neighbour exposed her. FYI, all the children of the MIL hardly go home and wen dey do, they are out the very next day.
So my dear, I understand ur para at the OP, but u just don't know how implaccably wicked some MIL can be, such dat no matter how one may try to protect the woman, the MIL wld only succeed in spreading bad blood among the oda manipulable siblings. BTW, the MIL I'm talking about later gave the DIL food, under the pretext of "my daughter" and the girl developed a serious pain in her abdomen which drained the couple's cash.

DavidEsq:
I have seen a MIL who hated her DIL, from the very first day she saw her and no matter wah the guy did to make his mom change her attitude towards the DIL, e no work. After som years, it became very clear the guy's mom resented the DIL because the DIL was a very peaceable person who made the guy see life from d pictures of strife, trouble-making, wickedness and hate. Infact, the MIL even told a terrible and desperate lie against the DIL and wen the dude didn't beat his wife as the MIL expected, the MIL cursed the dude. The truth of the MIL's motives came up after a very close frnd and neighbour exposed her. FYI, all the children of the MIL hardly go home and wen dey do, they are out the very next day.
So my dear, I understand ur para at the OP, but u just don't know how implaccably wicked some MIL can be, such dat no matter how one may try to protect the woman, the MIL wld only succeed in spreading bad blood among the oda manipulable siblings. BTW, the MIL I'm talking about later gave the DIL food, under the pretext of "my daughter" and the girl developed a serious pain in her abdomen which drained the couple's cash.

Thank you for this.

When peeps say that some MILs are evil, they tell you how you will be an MIL someday bla bla bla

bbeautylik:
Could this op be my husband speaking?

Same way I told my husband last night, that he is a murderer, why would I be living in a family house as if I am living in a prison when I know they don't like me?

They always feel insecure cos they feel I come from a richer background and won't have respect

Everything I do to please them will turn to another thing.

Op you know why ?cos my husband failed to defend me because he is a quiet type.

Why are you guys living in a family house. Why not rent an apartment.

Trust me, your hubby's family might not be as bad as they appear, but living in family house has caused all the disrespect. You guys should move out and see the magic. The more you are seen, the more respect you lose

deleSayo:
Since I married my wife, we noticed signs subtle signs that my family dont like her.

From day one of introducing her to the family, my elder brother's wife treated her with so much disrespect and everyone else followed suit. We ignored this and proceeded to marry.

For trad wedding, I gave money to my parents to help purchase the items for her bride price but on the day,  I was pained to see that the items were significantly incomplete (my wife noticed this too and kept it in her heart). She later told me that she saw my parents looking bored at the church wedding;as if they couldnt wait to leave. I was surprised because I saw that too but thought my wife hadn't noticed.

When we fell pregnant, they failed to acknowledge my wife's pregnancy throughout until the birth of the baby. Furthermore, my mother failed to show up for omugwo, leaving us alone to care for the newborn child.

All these things have built up resentment in my wife. She takes out the frustration on me. Things are so bad that my wife has completely isolated herself from all members of my family. She refuses to communicate with them or attend any functions.

Recently, I got wind that she is making secret plans to abscond with our baby and go live with her mother who is based abroad. Please I dont want to lose my wife. She's the best thing that ever happened to me but I can see clearly that she now despises both me and my family.

The marriage is in shambles. She believes that I failed to defend and protect her. not that I didnt feel the pain. Its just that I didnt know how to handle the situation. Please how can I resolve this?

Take a stand.... It is either your family accepts her or loss you...... Till they accept you cut all communication with them.. yes cos if they can't respect ya decision that means they don't see you as man enough.... Show drastic actions like talk anybody and everybody that stands against her.... Call a family meeting and tell them all that anybody who wouldn't respect your wife should stay away from your home and stop even calling your phone.... Tell them if you die any day no one of them should come close your grave because you would torment them for causing your dead..... Your wife must see who you stand with .... She have endured enough n you can attest to that....

bukatyne:
Thank you for this.

When peeps say that some MILs are evil, they tell you how you will be an MIL someday bla bla bla

Majority of the people that comment on these issues are not married. The very first day my SIL set her eyes on me, she resented me.
The other ones were not too vocal about it, but my FIL was. Why? My husband is their cash cow, they didn't want him to get married early, that he still has a lot to do for them

If I buy something for them, they'll say it's their son's money, but I work and earn ******. If I don't buy_ they'll say I am channelling it all to my peeps. You just can't please them at times.

@ deleSayo
Leave ur family alone and focus on ur immediate family (wifey n Son). Make wifey happy, show her u love n value her.
Ur elder bro's wife is jealous. She feels that she now has a rival.
Forget them .
Ur progress and glory will make them bow to u guys.
B strong

I don't like them weak Men,gush!, My Man suppose to be my hero not a weakling, No one dares me when he is around..,You love her yet you can't stand up for her, even a co wife join sef..smh

Eno38151:
1st things first, when you get the chance have a sit down (you and your parents only dont allow your other siblings to come and join or chuck mouth, they may be the ones poisoning your parents mind) if they have some false notions about her, you can easily clear it, or just for the sake of peace you can ask your wife to accept the blame (even though she isnt guilty) and apologize to them. If they just hate her kuma na patience things 4 both of una.

By the way whatever your parents do dont spark or quarrel with them, appeal to them with gentle/kind emotions to see what they are doing to "the mother of their grandchild". And defend her whenever you get the chance. You can even do some good things for your family and when they want to thank you, you tell them no its your wife that did it, they should thank her (that will show your wife that you are not allowing your family to ride over her anyhow)

That was for your parents.

As for siblings, if they do anyhow show them anyhow. With them your can be harsh to a certain degree (not the level that will make them call your parents and they will start sparking for you)

As for the wife you have to be the loving husband, always try to come up with new stuff that your wife will find fun and exciting to help her forget the way your family is treating her even if it is for a little while. You can help with some simple house choirs, spare her the wahala of cooking by occasionally taking her out to eat (by the way inform her, its not that afta she cook finish you go come tell her say lets go and eat elsewhere).

Finally you said she is making plans to run away with the child to her parents​, YOU HAVE TO MAKE HER REALISE THAT HE IS AS MUCH YOUR CHILD AS HE IS HERS (not by verbally telling her oh), play with the child, be a loving doting father, help her when you see her tired of taking care of the child, when you're free keep the child around you develop a real strong bond with the child, and God willing even if your family is brewing a storm outside at least you and your wife can be safe from their troubles in your home.

NO FORGET GUY, PATIENCE!!!

And try and console her whenever your family pulls their stunts on her, at least she will know that you realise the injustice in her situation.

If you can afford you can all go on holiday to whatever country her mother is based in.

Best advice so far.

bbeautylik:
Could this op be my husband speaking?

Same way I told my husband last night, that he is a murderer, why would I be living in a family house as if I am living in a prison when I know they don't like me?

They always feel insecure cos they feel I come from a richer background and won't have respect

Everything I do to please them will turn to another thing.

Op you know why ?cos my husband failed to defend me because he is a quiet type.

Any wife who doesnt feel safe around in laws has no duty being close to them o.

My hubbies bestie just lost his younger sister.
She was living in family house and was poisoned.
No body liked her.
She tried and decided to stay in d marriage but she lost her life. She was buried yesterday.

Marriage is not by force.
When inlaw will be fighting u and telling u they will show u pepper...
God forbid.

Its better to be alone or single than end up with bad inlaws esp the ones u have to stay with.

Most times d men dont know what to do or how to go about it.
They r always caught within d devil n deep blue sea.

God will help us all to make d right choices.

slimikenna:
The OP's mother is wicked while the OP's mother in law is a bad mother for trying to arrange for the daughter to leave her husband.

So the OP's MIL should let her daughter die there becos she is a good woman.

Marriage is not by force .
All this petting n trying 2 make people who hate someone love the person is d reason someone lost her life few days ago n was buried yesterday.

tell your families to stop treating her bad and case closed. next!!!

honestly bro, you are the only one that can save your marriage through love to her. just try to strike balance between your mother and her.

deleSayo:
Since I married my wife, we noticed signs subtle signs that my family dont like her.

From day one of introducing her to the family, my elder brother's wife treated her with so much disrespect and everyone else followed suit. We ignored this and proceeded to marry.

For trad wedding, I gave money to my parents to help purchase the items for her bride price but on the day,  I was pained to see that the items were significantly incomplete (my wife noticed this too and kept it in her heart). She later told me that she saw my parents looking bored at the church wedding;as if they couldnt wait to leave. I was surprised because I saw that too but thought my wife hadn't noticed.

When we fell pregnant, they failed to acknowledge my wife's pregnancy throughout until the birth of the baby. Furthermore, my mother failed to show up for omugwo, leaving us alone to care for the newborn child.

All these things have built up resentment in my wife. She takes out the frustration on me. Things are so bad that my wife has completely isolated herself from all members of my family. She refuses to communicate with them or attend any functions.

Recently, I got wind that she is making secret plans to abscond with our baby and go live with her mother who is based abroad. Please I dont want to lose my wife. She's the best thing that ever happened to me but I can see clearly that she now despises both me and my family.

The marriage is in shambles. She believes that I failed to defend and protect her. not that I didnt feel the pain. Its just that I didnt know how to handle the situation. Please how can I resolve this?

everything happening is your fault. Think about this sentence very well before trying to respond to my comment.. that is, if you would.

bukatyne:
Thank you for this.

When peeps say that some MILs are evil, they tell you how you will be an MIL someday bla bla bla

As in ehn....even the devil wld cringe at the wickedness of some MIL

NotOfThis:
"Your wife is the best thing that has ever happened to you" yet you've been allowing your family to "treat her with so much disrespect". Wehdone Sir. You saw the disrespect right from your introduction but you "ignored" it. Part of your duty as a husband is to protect your wife but you have failed her. You're also in the best position to inquire from your family why they don't like her and straighten things out with them but you gave no reason for their hatred towards her and all you've been doing is ignoring things. Oga, if you can't be a man and do what you need to do to protect your wife and her well-being, then please let her go. The fact that she has completely isolated herself from your family and now wants to leave means their treatment of her is taking a toll on her emotionally. No one deserves to be in a hateful environment all in the the name of marriage. Otherwise, stand up for her and save your marriage.

so true

slimikenna:
The OP's mother is wicked while the OP's mother in law is a bad mother for trying to arrange for the daughter to leave her husband.

No mother wants her child and grandchild to live alone amongst perceived enemies, especially when she's not around physically in the country.
It's obvious the husband is having trouble controlling the situation.
Her mother cannot trust him to protect her daughter and grandchild from harm.
Imagine the guy's mother not happy with their newborn? Can anyone confidently leave that child alone with that grandma?

deleSayo:
Since I married my wife, we noticed signs subtle signs that my family dont like her.

From day one of introducing her to the family, my elder brother's wife treated her with so much disrespect and everyone else followed suit. We ignored this and proceeded to marry.

For trad wedding, I gave money to my parents to help purchase the items for her bride price but on the day,  I was pained to see that the items were significantly incomplete (my wife noticed this too and kept it in her heart). She later told me that she saw my parents looking bored at the church wedding;as if they couldnt wait to leave. I was surprised because I saw that too but thought my wife hadn't noticed.

When we fell pregnant, they failed to acknowledge my wife's pregnancy throughout until the birth of the baby. Furthermore, my mother failed to show up for omugwo, leaving us alone to care for the newborn child.

All these things have built up resentment in my wife. She takes out the frustration on me. Things are so bad that my wife has completely isolated herself from all members of my family. She refuses to communicate with them or attend any functions.

Recently, I got wind that she is making secret plans to abscond with our baby and go live with her mother who is based abroad. Please I dont want to lose my wife. She's the best thing that ever happened to me but I can see clearly that she now despises both me and my family.

The marriage is in shambles. She believes that I failed to defend and protect her. not that I didnt feel the pain. Its just that I didnt know how to handle the situation. Please how can I resolve this?

For the bolded, I'd say you shouldn't​ have gotten married yet, coz you're not mentally ready for marriage.

But again, from the bolded you're sincerely naked and your sincerity is obvious even to the blind...I think your maturity is enough. Be bold, be brave and let your folks know She's the woman you have chosen. Be courteous too...If they refuse to yield. Set clear healthy distance and make them realise they are creating a polar decision scenario about whose side you're on... Please, with wisdom CHOOSE YOUR WIFE.

Talk to your wife as well, toast her again. No woman will feel good treated in such manner. She'll accept.

HungerBAD:
Nothing serious here.

Your story omitted some very important details. Like how close you are to your family?do you guys live in the same city?how often do they come to your home?did your parents not want you to get married to her?

Everybody goes through this stage in the marriages,and that is loyalty to either wife or family.

Brother.

Your new family is and should be your only priority. Have a honest heart to heart conversation with her,and apologize to her if you had given her the impression you were not being a pillar to her.

Your wife should be your Rock.

To your extended family: A real man should know when to draw that line,and never ever let your family cause your wife any kind of physical or emotional anguish.

Your wife's mother lives overseas and your mom could not come help with the new baby after birth?sorry to say it even if she is your mom,but your Mom is wicked.

Another wise counsel.

There's still hope for a fulfilling marriage.

Ese gan Sir!

deleSayo:
Since I married my wife, we noticed signs subtle signs that my family dont like her.

From day one of introducing her to the family, my elder brother's wife treated her with so much disrespect and everyone else followed suit. We ignored this and proceeded to marry.

For trad wedding, I gave money to my parents to help purchase the items for her bride price but on the day,  I was pained to see that the items were significantly incomplete (my wife noticed this too and kept it in her heart). She later told me that she saw my parents looking bored at the church wedding;as if they couldnt wait to leave. I was surprised because I saw that too but thought my wife hadn't noticed.

When we fell pregnant, they failed to acknowledge my wife's pregnancy throughout until the birth of the baby. Furthermore, my mother failed to show up for omugwo, leaving us alone to care for the newborn child.

All these things have built up resentment in my wife. She takes out the frustration on me. Things are so bad that my wife has completely isolated herself from all members of my family. She refuses to communicate with them or attend any functions.

Recently, I got wind that she is making secret plans to abscond with our baby and go live with her mother who is based abroad. Please I dont want to lose my wife. She's the best thing that ever happened to me but I can see clearly that she now despises both me and my family.

The marriage is in shambles. She believes that I failed to defend and protect her. not that I didnt feel the pain. Its just that I didnt know how to handle the situation. Please how can I resolve this?

With all due respect, is your wife married to you
Or she's married to your whole family clan? You need to ask yourself that question.I feel a woman who's in pain and is feeling betrayed by the one she loves.When you marry, you have a duty to protect your spouse from external forces including your own family.Taking a neutral position when your spouse is being attacked and playing all good, has never been of help.It exposes your spouse to attacks.So if she leaves today, know that you've played a major role in this.The biggest issue here is trust.She's lost faith in you.You need to get her to a point of trusting you again.Apologize to her and acknowledge the wrongs you've committed against her and apologize even to her mother if you have to.Make a decision whether to move away from your family if you live close, then start life in a different town.You also need to stand up and be the man in your household.Let your family know their limits & figure out how to deal with them if they cannot respect your wife.Quit remaining neutral when there are issues that need to be tackled.

missKiffy:
Its very important not to live in a family house with your spouse after marriage my dear. Even when u have an apartment of your own, family will poke nose in ur matter not to talk of when u both are living in d same family house

so what happens if you build your own house and they all pack to your own crib? My inlaws still dey here for our crib despite say them get house (been six years now). It's energy sapping like some body said. Just pray that you don't encounter bloody inlaws

GeneralOjukwu:
Mr Man...be a man & have some balls. Your family &your wife have marked you a weakling to toss around.

Most of the comments here are on the side of the wife. That's amusing.

There's a proverb - "What elders can see from afar, a youngster can't" WHY DO THEY UNANIMOUSLY DISLIKE HER? They might see something that you can't see due to Kama Sutra.

Whomever you decide to side, make a stance now. Just remember you would be a fool to abandon your blood. You would regret it

https://i.imgur.com/bD02rmI.gif

You can find another wife tomorrow...Can you find other parents? Vagina can be magnetic, walahi

Remember she is now his wife and not his girlfriend. So he should abandon his wife, the mother of his child, because of his relatives

Would he have been happy with his dad if same was done to his mom? The adage about what an elder sees blablabla is not always correct because no mortal human is above making wrong decisions/mistakes in life, & this includes our elders.

The Holy Bible I believe in says "What God has joined together (in marriage), let NO MAN put asunder".

My advise is he should restrict his relatives' incessant interference in his marriage, & endeavour to make them see reason why their hateful attitude towards his spouse has been causing him great pain, unless the want him to die of high b.p.

cc, deleSayo

Matter!!!

olubankemi:
One of my husband's counsin's got married last year while he was having a feud with almost everyone in the family including his cousin who is my hubby's sister that is his benefactor.

Now this is confusing

deleSayo We have heard how your family treats her,so how do you treat her?
If you treat her well,she wouldn't leave.

Delesayo you are a weak man and you don't deserve that woman.

everybody is just saying "protect your wife " is the wife handicapped or sick. in this era of gender equality every individual should be able to protect himself.

some are saying you should always side with your wife on every issue with your family.. Bro you did the right thing do not take side.. in this period where wives are divorcing their husband, your family will always have your back

so do not beg her, if she loves you enough she will stay with you and if she decided to leave it's her lose.

you will find a better woman and also do not fight for your baby, let her take the child. it less stress for you.

kaziblake:
Delesayo you are a weak man and you don't deserve that woman.

you guys should stop with this weak man analogy. it's boring because is the wife handicapped or what. telling guys to protect their wife is chauvinistic because you considered women as weak and inferior human that need the protection of a man
.