SmartyPants:


I don't need advice from an internet tout.

Just quit derailing the thread.

greenmonk:

What most children don't think about is what they would have become without the koboko.
The ills plaguing Nigeria today was due to the mad rush for material wealth which made most men to be away from their homes and unable to weld the koboko.
All thru my live I only have to encounter the koboko twice as the mere mention of the words your "father will hear about this" is enough to make one repent of the immediate and future sins but women being who they are exploit their maternal relationship with their children to the detriment of the men.
I held both my parents in high esteem until the demise of my mother and still care for my father.
No child has the excuse to neglect any of his/her parents for what goes around comes around.

Donjazzy12:

Your children will do same to you fool! I was lucky to understand this at a young age and always stood with my father while trying as much as possible not to annoy my mother. Result? I was my father's closest confidant till he passed on and he blessed me abundantly. I hope to get the same treatment from my kids.

MARKETfund:


Do you really think and believe that your dad hated you?
I personally doubt so. He simply want you not to be a lost cause and he achieved that
Pls open up for him (for the bonding)

KevinDein:
I've long accepted that fatherhood is a thankless job. I'm prepared for that. However, I'd still give my all to see that my offsprings turn out great.

They can save the emotional stuffs for the mom; I don't need that. I just want them to be the best scientists, sportmen etc. That's enough for me.

lenghtinny:
Reminds me of my late uncle...

He was a civil servant working in another state different from where his family resided. His wife was an housewife with 4 kids (2 boys, 2 girls)...

He was not always around, so he didn't know his wife was poisoning the mind of the children against him...
After funding all 4 through higher institutions and they graduated, they now realized that he has been maltreating their mom due to his absence from home.
When He was about to retire from service, trying to finalize his paperwork; this kids took off with their mum without informing him..
For 10 good years he didn't set his eyes on them before he died meanwhile his wife family knew where they were but didn't disclose it.. When their mom died, they buried her without informing him.
He died of liver related problem because he turned to alcohol as consolation and the kids still didn't didn't show up at his burial...
It's been 10 years now

dangotesmummy:
You have painted the politics that goes of in the African families aptly and perfectly.

This was exactly what happened to my grandfather. Very tyrannical. So the mother's waited for their kids to grow up and defend her.the mother's usually rely on their kids for social security so they do all their best to ensure they're educated and well placed even if they were not.as soon as the kids are financially stable the mothers begin to incite the children against their father as a means of revenge. Some mothers even lie to their children about their father because of the years of resentment and pain.that's when you will hear baba yin lumi.then the children will ask what do you want, the mother will now begin to emotionally manipulate the children with if you don't build a house for me away from. Your father ,you will kill me.the next thing is all of them will begin to run around to build house for mama, get house help for her so that she will be doing as she likes

Of course some of the kids might support the father but in the minority however the disadvantage is that now the mother has painted the father black to the children, the children don't want to have anything to do with their father again and even keep the grandchildren away from their father.till my grandfather died I didn't know whoever my grandfather was.I never had one on one contact with them

Some of my aunties who were on my grandfather side still had his picture.it was when I went to her house that she pointed the picture of my grandfather to me on the wall.I even discovered that the long time hatred between my mom and her sister was because mom was on NY grandmother side while my aunty was on my grandfather side and the genesis of the hatred started when baba started marrying wives.

Bottom line is that this thing doesn't just end in one generation. I haven't even seen some of my cousins and even when they married mom didn't tell me so I won't go because of the same beef she has with their mother for supporting her father.so in their mind now they think I'm with my mom is the unnecessary battle even when Grandma and grandpa have died,the battle and hatred is still there

RealSleek:


scuse me, are you that otedola pikin

babaireti:
God bless the OP ,I have really learned a lot from this piece,I will go back home to take it easy with Ireti,her younger ones and their Mummy.

obikirinoni:

Guys please read carefully


WHY FATHERS ARE NEGLECTED IN OLD AGE.
-ITS A MUST READ FOR ALL FATHERS! (and mothers too!)

Take ur time and read through.

1. In the lifetime of most Nigerian family settings, there are 3 Dispensations of Power.

2. The 1st is the first 25 years in the life of the family (father, mother, children) where power indisputably rest with the father.

3. The 2nd is after the kids have grown & started working when the power shifts to the mother.

4. The 3rd is when the kids move out of the family house or start their own families when the power moves to the children.

6. We'll start from the 1st Dispensation. Total dominance of the father. He is the Lion of the Tribe of his House. The boss.

7. During this dispensation, the father rules with an iron fist. He barks orders & determines what does or does not happen.

8. The father often mettes out corporal punishment to the recalcitrant children. They grow to fear him more than they love him.

10. The father is the provider for the family & everyone is aware of that fact with all attendant consequences.

11. Then the 2nd Dispensation sets in. The children have finished school and have started working. Power shifts to the mother.

12. When the children start earning their own money, for some reason, it's their mothers they decide to look after. They are closer to her.

13. While the father was in charge, he was busy with the business of providing. He didn't have much time to be a friend to the children.

14. They spent more time with their mum and invariably grew closer to her. They also see their mum as co-victims of the father's tyranny.

15. The mother takes centre stage at this point. She is the first to know what's happening with the children & she has advantage.

16. Should any of the daughters give birth, she is the one that goes for babysitting and the children spoil her with gifts.

17. At this stage, the father is wishing for some bond with the children like they have with their mother but that boat has sailed.

18. Because the mother doesn't rely much on the father for her needs at this stage, she is less likely to tolerate his lordship. Friction.

19. Then the 3rd and last dispensation. Power has shifted to the children. They are self-sufficient, live on their own & have own families.

20. More often than not, whenever there is a quarrel between father & mother, the children side the mother.Years of joint-victimhood at play

21. Children have been known to come to the house to warn their father not to 'disturb' their mother. Next thing, extended visitations.

22. Woe betide the father if his finances are precarious at this stage. You will be humble by force. The gang-up is real.

23. This causes most men to fall ill & develop different complications. By the time the forces are arrayed against you, you will think well.

24. Stroke, Hypertension, High-Blood Pressure. The man has a large family but no relationship with them in later life. Troubling thought.

25. Moral, dear men, while the power lies with us, let us wield it with posterity in mind. It won't be with us forever.

26. With the way you are treating your wife now, how will she treat you when power shifts to her?

27. What relationship do you have with your family? Loving dad or despotic, tyrannical provider?

28. Remember, the children always side with their mother. Aim to do enough to at least get a fair hearing in future moments of family strife

30. Invest wisely for the future so that you won't have to beg to be taken care of if despite your best efforts, you find yourself alone.

ADVISE TO CHILDREN:- IT IS NOT GOOD TO ABANDON YOUR FATHER WHO DENIED HIMSELF TO GET YOU PREPARED FOR LIFE & WHO SACRIFICIALLY SOWED TO MAKE YOU WHO YOU ARE. HONOUR YOUR BOTH PARENTS AND TAKE GOOD CARE OF THEM IN THEIR OLD AGE. THAT IS HOW YOU TOO WILL SOW INTO YOUR FUTURE. DONT LET NEGLECTING YOUR FATHER (PARENTS ) BE A CURSE ON YOU INTO YOUR FUTURE.

ADVISE TO MOTHERS :- DON'T INCITE YOUR CHILDREN AGAINST THEIR FATHER.

*Parenthood is not easy despite its joys. There is no manual on how it works. May God help us

Viking007:
Your Dad must be a serving or retired military personnel. Exactly like my Dad, even at old age, he still dish out orders.

obikirinoni:




This is painful.

I have learnt too much already for one day.

lenghtinny:
Reminds me of my late uncle...

He was a civil servant working in another state different from where his family resided. His wife was an housewife with 4 kids (2 boys, 2 girls)...

He was not always around, so he didn't know his wife was poisoning the mind of the children against him...
After funding all 4 through higher institutions and they graduated, they now realized that he has been maltreating their mom due to his absence from home.
When He was about to retire from service, trying to finalize his paperwork; this kids took off with their mum without informing him..
For 10 good years he didn't set his eyes on them before he died meanwhile his wife family knew where they were but didn't disclose it.. When their mom died, they buried her without informing him.
He died of liver related problem because he turned to alcohol as consolation and the kids still didn't didn't show up at his burial...
It's been 10 years now

lenghtinny:

My brother many things dey happen for this life...
The story made me cancel out marriage in my future plans... I'm going to have kids only out of wedlock.

chukzyfcbb:
How many of us have had out fathers look us in the eye and say
- I love you or
- You have done well
- You make me proud

I can guess the answer, few. In fact it could be 1 person in 50. That you have a Dad in the house doesn't mean he is fathering you.

obikirinoni:




Isn't that worse?

You won't be there at all.

No try DAT lane ooooo.

tensazangetsu20:
As for me, my own dad can go to hell. Once I get enough money am convincing my mom to get a divorce and am disowning him and his part of the family. Very useless hopeless people.

missyadorable:


Same with me.I hate my father
power has shifted to me.I stayed for 4 years without seeing or speaking with my father. and am just cool.
tyrant papa..who he epp?

Afonjanightmare:
Mehn, the pillar of any home is the father, only stupid children would hate their DAD, my DAD trained us well, he had and still has an iron fist, barks orders, yells at everyone at home including the tables and chairs, do we love him?? Yes.

fastgyal:
lol. my dad doesn't instill fear in me. I love him so much than I love my mom..I share secrets with my dad. only my dad knew my first boyfriend. then when I was younger, my mom wouldn't hear me mention a guy's name..lord! she'd kill me. God bless u daddy. I pray you live long so I can pamper you just the way you've done to me

obikirinoni:
I grew up in two different families.

I am experiencing this EXACT scenario.

Even to call my dads is a big issue.

God help me

AstuteJay:
Let's not kid ourselves, the most important factor is the financial muscle. Once this is intact, the father rules his entire life.

Even when the kids are all grown and doing well, they dare not mess up with him because they still need his goodwill and contacts. If and when the mother messes up, the father (a typical African man) marries another wife and moves on with his life.

Dear men, let's do everything possible to build our financial muscle so as to continue to wield the big stick our entire life!

Power resides where money is.

obikirinoni:




My dear, I have tried,

If you see my life.

Though am still managing, but its shiny on the outside, but don't dare peep in

YelloweWest:

I know what that's like. Keep trying. Take it to God in prayer. There is no life God cannot turn around.

I was once a write off. So many had predicted my downfall but today they eat from my table...

Just do ur own part. Speak to your dad. Buy him something he likes. Let's him see you are repaying all the wrong and evil he did to u with good and love..

It's hard but important.