I don see dem feminist for here! Dem noe go just talk true

eitsei:
The cycle will likely continue the children too will grow old and their own children will neglect them also, as long as the father was the one responsible for their upbringing (money wise) now they have their own money and forget the father who spent his on them
This is a good post nonetheless

Yes, youre right !

God bless the OP ,I have really learned a lot from this piece,I will go back home to take it easy with Ireti,her younger ones and their Mummy.

alexialin:
Its easy pointing accusing fingers at the wives . but let's hear their own version as well.

We hear their own version every single day while the voice of the man does not see the light of day. do not derail this thread with your unecessary wailing.

children are not as stupid as they look. surprisingly they know the difference between genuine love and neglect.

I was an orphan since I was 11
the people who i n my brother lived with complain that I never call them. they rant about how they fed us but I remember vividly how I was literally a house help. I turned to charcoal because I was running errands under hot sun for all nine members of that family from morning till night.
before my very eyes they threw my brother out of their house when he was just 17. I mean they flung his bag out and asked him to leave.
wen I was in school they left me hungry until I looked for my mother's people. I then saw the difference between genuine love and 'being used'.
I forgive them but the rapor is not just flowing

Ayocom123:
Lovely lovely post,this is exactly what happens in most home in Nigeria. When I was a kid my dad beat hell out of us,I grew up to fear him,now I am matured he is trying to form bond with us but I am like kolework

Do you really think and believe that your dad hated you?
I personally doubt so. He simply want you not to be a lost cause and he achieved that
Pls open up for him (for the bonding)

SmartyPants:


We hear their own version every single day while the voice of the man does not see the light of day. do not derail this thread with your unecessary wailing.

Who is wailing? Do u think I have una time ?
Smhhh.

Be a good father and good husband and see if your kids will forget about u.
If u like take to my advice , if u like don't!

Ko kan aye mehn.

Food for thought indeed!!

Many fathers espcially those whose kids have left the nest are in these shoes.

Learn to establish a freindship relationship with your children when theyre young.

Dont involve yourself with business, church programs, politics, career because all that will go some day, the only thing you will have to go back to when you re too old to do anything is your family, the ones you chose to abandon.

YelloweWest:

Pls call him see him and forgive him.

If not subconsciously u may turn out just like him. It's important to deal with our past so it does not creep into our future.

My dad though a loving father made so many mistakes in life. I've forgiven but my sister still resents him... unknown to her she is exactly like him, making almost the same mistakes...

That just the point
You're turning out to be like the person you resent by adopting a stone heart just like him
Same attitude will make your offspring resent you too, and the cycle continues

Fatherhood isint a thankless job.
Some males fail to understand that there is this primitive bond between the mother and children from conception and birth not limited to the human species alone.
The worst thing a man can do is to show his children that he does not love their mother, and doesn't forge a bond with them at childhood, irrespective of discipline meted out. The damage is usually irreparable.
Children don't get 'brainwashed' by their mothers about their fathers deeds or misdeeds, children are very keen observers themselves of happenings.

YTderin:
True.
All Nigerian father's do is bark orders, make kids scared, force respect.
I and my siblings are drawn to our mom, my brothers are the one plotting for dad, my hand no dey.

Let them know that the possibility of them suffering the same fate in the hands of their offspring is very high.
They're only repeating same mistake your dad made.

alexialin:




Who is wailing? Do u think I have una time ?
Smhhh.

Be a good father and good husband and see if your kids will forget about u.
If u like take to my advice , if u like don't!

Ko kan aye mehn.

I don't need advice from an internet tout.

Just quit derailing the thread.

I don't even care if I take care of my dad when am financially buoyant, my mum takes it all. cos right from when I was very small I got to c my father spend money on drinks n owambe but never care if we Av eaten or not. he has d money but he no dey send us for house. I just dey pity how d man go take suffer. people outside c us as rich man pikin but Na we n mum dey run things u come dey tell me say I go dey close to dat one. even if I have d whole world he doesn't deserve a kobo

AstuteJay:
Let's not kid ourselves, the most important factor is the financial muscle. Once this is intact, the father rules his entire life.

Even when the kids are all grown and doing well, they dare not mess up with him because they still need his goodwill and contacts. If and when the mother messes up, the father (a typical African man) marries another wife and moves on with his life.

Dear men, let's do everything possible to build our financial muscle so as to continue to wield the big stick our entire life!

Power resides where money is.

EXACTLY......you are on point......money is the koko.

obikirinoni:
I grew up in two different families.

I am experiencing this EXACT scenario.

Even to call my dads is a big issue.

God help me

Same with me.I hate my father
power has shifted to me.I stayed for 4 years without seeing or speaking with my father. and am just cool.
tyrant papa..who he epp?

obikirinoni:




My dear, I have tried,

If you see my life.

Though am still managing, but its shiny on the outside, but don't dare peep in

You must have been hurt deeply
Holding on is imprisonment, letting go is freedom
Am sure you yearn for freedom

I'm surprised at the number of likes your post garnered. Just shows the kind of homes most lived.

My father is my pride. He's the love of my life. He's my number one and I'm sure my siblings will say same about him too. I love my dad to death.

obikirinoni:

Guys please read carefully

*Parenthood is not easy despite its joys. There is no manual on how it works. May God help us

KevinDein:
I've long accepted that fatherhood is a thankless job. I'm prepared for that. However, I'd still give my all to see that my offsprings turn out great.

They can save the emotional stuffs for the mom; I don't need that. I just want them to be the best scientists, sportmen etc. That's enough for me.

. You are wrong... Fatherhood is not a thankless job but one filled with perks if done lovingly... Most fathers who have this mentality of fatherhood is a thankless job, under the guise of being strict graduate into being wicked and next stage is tyranny... My dad has done all the stages and even added one more step - heartless so right now, his six kids feel nothing for him... Now he is looking for companions and friends, they are all gone. If I remember all that he has done to me, I feel like strangling him but if a fly perches on my mom, I will be on the next available flight to Delta state or take the nearest bus no matter the risk. We have not spoken for about a year or seen each other... Don't neglect ur kids or try to be a tyrant to them cos a day will come and u can't find them for support...

My daughter fear her dad more than myself. She doesn't disrespect me but i sometimes give her long rope before I change my style. She knows when and tries to have fun till she is close to the end and respects herself. Despite all that, my husband early on would draw her closer after and explain why he had to correct her and huh her tightly, holding her for a while. He sometimes even looks for something she loves to watch or an activity to spend time with her. Now I notice that my daughter never ever walk away angry from us. She will vex o but the moment we are dropping her off or one of us is leaving, she rushes to hug you and smile. The role of a father is equally important. Mothering a child is not the only parenting technique.

danidon08:
Op so on point! Even to speak with my dad is problem. Barking orders at everyone till date.

He once asked why everyone was to closer to mum than him,
Ans: Most childhood memories we have of you is koboko in your hands

Wasn't it your mum who reported you to your dad? A lot of Nigerian mums leave the punishment to the dads. "I will tell your dad " is the threat you hear in a lot of homes.

Ije004:
Fatherhood isint a thankless job.
Some males fail to understand that there is this primitive bond between the mother and children from conception and birth not limited to the human species alone.
The worst thing a man can do is to show his children that he does not love their mother, and doesn't forge a bond with them at childhood, irrespective of discipline meted out. The damage is usually irreparable.
Children don't get 'brainwashed' by their mothers about their fathers deeds or misdeeds, children are very keen observers themselves of happenings.

very true.
I like Fathers who make effort to bond with their children even while in the womb they sing to them and when they are born they actively participate in post natal care. some even attend antenatal with their wives, I am talking about men with good jobs and active careers o. there is one in my church like that even with all this he still got an award as employee of the year. I just don't want to call the company's name so DAT ppl will not trace him.
in essence you can provide and still create time to bond with ur kids.

MarieSucre:


KevinDein. Fatherhood is not a thankless job. Take cues from this above post and don't feel too big to learn.

Marie, I do appreciate that some fathers are genuine assssholes and this group men have only themselves to blame for being alienated by their kids in latter parts of their lives.
However, some other men find themselves in situations they can't help. They have to live and work far away from the wife and kids just so the family can have the highest possible standard of living. Of course this group of dads will still be underappreciated by their kids for obviously no fault of theirs.

AstuteJay:
Let's not kid ourselves, the most important factor is the financial muscle. Once this is intact, the father rules his entire life.

Even when the kids are all grown and doing well, they dare not mess up with him because they still need his goodwill and contacts. If and when the mother messes up, the father (a typical African man) marries another wife and moves on with his life.

Dear men, let's do everything possible to build our financial muscle so as to continue to wield the big stick our entire life!

Power resides where money is.

Financial muscle is good but you need your family (wifes, children etc) around your during your old age when there is nothing to hustle for again.
The Nigerian work setting of 5am to 9 pm is not good for a young family. Most fathers dont get to know their kids as early as possible, once you miss this bonding from age (1-13), it hardly works again.

The result is barking, shouting and using force to achieve results with children.

danidon08:
Op so on point! Even to speak with my dad is problem. Barking orders at everyone till date.

He once asked why everyone was to closer to mum than him,
Ans: Most childhood memories we have of you is koboko in your hands

What most children don't think about is what they would have become without the koboko.
The ills plaguing Nigeria today was due to the mad rush for material wealth which made most men to be away from their homes and unable to weld the koboko.
All thru my live I only have to encounter the koboko twice as the mere mention of the words your "father will hear about this" is enough to make everyone repent of the immediate and future sins but women being who they exploit their maternal relationship with their children to the detriment of the men.
I held both my parents in high esteem until the demise of my mother and still care for my father.
No child has the excuse to maltreat any of his parents for what goes around comes around.

obikirinoni:



Plotting, how?

Old age.
Bearing in mind that we were so scared if him while growing up... Imagine a scenario whereby, you hear a knock on the gate, and we realize it's Popc, the sitting room gets deserted immediately, laptop, phones, earpieces, chargers,TV goes off.. . everyone of us literally scamper to safety. Then we start arguing on who will go and open the gate for the man . Dad really scared us sha ooo. Amongst other things
I've talked to my siblings severall about letting it go. I hope they grow more sensible as they grow older.

danidon08:
Op so on point! Even to speak with my dad is problem. Barking orders at everyone till date.

He once asked why everyone was to closer to mum than him,
Ans: Most childhood memories we have of you is koboko in your hands

What most children don't think about is what they would have become without the koboko.
The ills plaguing Nigeria today was due to the mad rush for material wealth which made most men to be away from their homes and unable to weld the koboko.
All thru my live I only have to encounter the koboko twice as the mere mention of the words your "father will hear about this" is enough to make one repent of the immediate and future sins but women being who they are exploit their maternal relationship with their children to the detriment of the men.
I held both my parents in high esteem until the demise of my mother and still care for my father.
No child has the excuse to neglect any of his/her parents for what goes around comes around.

My dad is yet to come to terms with the fact that he is getting old and he has men in the house... I pity him .



My mum, well... I don't know what to say... They caused the friction...

my dad is like a second GOD to me .

YTderin:


Old age.
Bearing in mind that we were so scared if him while growing up... Imagine a scenario whereby, you hear a knock on the gate, and we realize it's Popc, the sitting room gets deserted immediately, laptop, phones, earpieces, chargers,TV goes off.. . everyone of us literally scamper to safety. Then we start arguing on who will go and open the gate for the man . Dad really scared us sha ooo. Amongst other things
I've talked to my siblings severall about letting it go. I hope they grow more sensible as they grow older.

Hahahahahahha!!!

Lawd,

Not so different from mine and other families.

Very funny.

Treat Him well. You need it.

my dad is like a second GOD to me .