₦airaland Forum

obikirinoni:
Guys please read carefully


WHY FATHERS ARE NEGLECTED IN OLD AGE.
-ITS A MUST READ FOR ALL FATHERS! (and mothers too!)

Take ur time and read through.

1. In the lifetime of most Nigerian family settings, there are 3 Dispensations of Power.

2. The 1st is the first 25 years in the life of the family (father, mother, children) where power indisputably rest with the father.

3. The 2nd is after the kids have grown & started working when the power shifts to the mother.

4. The 3rd is when the kids move out of the family house or start their own families when the power moves to the children.

6. We'll start from the 1st Dispensation. Total dominance of the father. He is the Lion of the Tribe of his House. The boss.

7. During this dispensation, the father rules with an iron fist. He barks orders & determines what does or does not happen.

8. The father often mettes out corporal punishment to the recalcitrant children. They grow to fear him more than they love him.

10. The father is the provider for the family & everyone is aware of that fact with all attendant consequences.

11. Then the 2nd Dispensation sets in. The children have finished school and have started working. Power shifts to the mother.

12. When the children start earning their own money, for some reason, it's their mothers they decide to look after. They are closer to her.

13. While the father was in charge, he was busy with the business of providing. He didn't have much time to be a friend to the children.

14. They spent more time with their mum and invariably grew closer to her. They also see their mum as co-victims of the father's tyranny.

15. The mother takes centre stage at this point. She is the first to know what's happening with the children & she has advantage.

16. Should any of the daughters give birth, she is the one that goes for babysitting and the children spoil her with gifts.

17. At this stage, the father is wishing for some bond with the children like they have with their mother but that boat has sailed.

18. Because the mother doesn't rely much on the father for her needs at this stage, she is less likely to tolerate his lordship. Friction.

19. Then the 3rd and last dispensation. Power has shifted to the children. They are self-sufficient, live on their own & have own families.

20. More often than not, whenever there is a quarrel between father & mother, the children side the mother.Years of joint-victimhood at play

21. Children have been known to come to the house to warn their father not to 'disturb' their mother. Next thing, extended visitations.

22. Woe betide the father if his finances are precarious at this stage. You will be humble by force. The gang-up is real.

23. This causes most men to fall ill & develop different complications. By the time the forces are arrayed against you, you will think well.

24. Stroke, Hypertension, High-Blood Pressure. The man has a large family but no relationship with them in later life. Troubling thought.

25. Moral, dear men, while the power lies with us, let us wield it with posterity in mind. It won't be with us forever.

26. With the way you are treating your wife now, how will she treat you when power shifts to her?

27. What relationship do you have with your family? Loving dad or despotic, tyrannical provider?

28. Remember, the children always side with their mother. Aim to do enough to at least get a fair hearing in future moments of family strife

30. Invest wisely for the future so that you won't have to beg to be taken care of if despite your best efforts, you find yourself alone.

ADVISE TO CHILDREN:- IT IS NOT GOOD TO ABANDON YOUR FATHER WHO DENIED HIMSELF TO GET YOU PREPARED FOR LIFE & WHO SACRIFICIALLY SOWED TO MAKE YOU WHO YOU ARE. HONOUR YOUR BOTH PARENTS AND TAKE GOOD CARE OF THEM IN THEIR OLD AGE. THAT IS HOW YOU TOO WILL SOW INTO YOUR FUTURE. DONT LET NEGLECTING YOUR FATHER (PARENTS ) BE A CURSE ON YOU INTO YOUR FUTURE.

ADVISE TO MOTHERS :- DON'T INCITE YOUR CHILDREN AGAINST THEIR FATHER.

*Parenthood is not easy despite its joys. There is no manual on how it works. May God help us

OP God bless you for this piece, It's the same thing we've been experiencing in my home. Nobody wants to talk to dad cos he's very proud, arrogant, refuses to take correction and some other things which I don't want to mention. Anytime he calls my line I'm always very angry, most times I don't pick up. There's this resentment I harbor towards him, it's same with my mum and siblings. They don't like picking his calls, they don't bother going to the house, it's just like we don't want to have anything to do with him. Till date, whenever you try to correct him on some issues, he displays that arrogance which makes him more irritating. I've promised myself to make sure I bond with my kids more than my wife, i'll never make the mistake my dad made. I've started from now to begin to correct some attitudes of mine so that it won't affect me later. As for the relationship with him, I doubt if there's anything that can make us close cos he isn't ready to change.

tensazangetsu20:
As for me, my own dad can go to hell. Once I get enough money am convincing my mom to get a divorce and am disowning him and his part of the family. Very useless hopeless people.

haaa

ACHILLES45:
THIS IS ONLY APPLICABLE IN A MONOGAMOUS FAMILY WHICH CAN ONLY BE FOUND IN SOUTH EAST. AN AVERAGE AFONJA FAMILY DOESNT GIVE A DAMN ABOUT THIS. AL THEY CARE ABOUT IS HOW TO GET UNDER THE PANTS OF NUMEROUS WOMEN (PEOPLE'S WIVES INCLUDED), NEGLECTING BASIC CHILDHOOD NEEDS OF THEIR CHILDREN, THUS LEAVING THEM TO THE MERCIES OF STREET CULTS AND BAND GANGS.
THEIR WIVES HARBOR THEIR GIRL CHILD TO THE EXTENT THAT THE GIRLS EVEN GET PREGNANT FOR PEOPLE'S DADDY AT A VERY TENDER AGE OF 15. AND THE CIRCLE CONTINUES.

haba! Just see how odd this comment looks in this nice and insightful write up.
I mean I believe that there is a time and moment for this your kinda write up.
Guess you should wait for such moments

YelloweWest:
My children like their dad more than me... it usually starts around 3 to 4months. I'm sure it's because of the way my husband carries and plays with them. I simply don't have the energy to be carrying a fat baby around.lol
So theirs an instant bound between my kids and husband. The always take his side too and called a fun sponge... they say I'm not fun like daddy.

I think I'm seriously loosing out... 8m becoming concerned

my neighbour just return from lag this morning the baby that cusson baby swag and trendy.. Treasure azariah u can check with her natural hair.. Believe u me if she's sleeping now her just say daddy is here the way she she will shine eye and shout daaaaaaaadyyyyyyyy.. She loves her dad like say them wan thief am. .. Do u know wen we were little I can remember my parents had issues my was about leaving my God mother told her u just lost. Lol.. Imagine how small I was then. We love our papa ehhh all then were 3 of us... Its now that were all grown up that we cone love our mama. My dad can go any lent to make sure I get what I want. Same as my mum too.

The day him wan nag here or hala nah die ooo.. But believe u me my dad respects me to dead . I don't know y or how. But the kind of trust and believe he has for me ehhh.. I can't disappoint him not for anything in this world.. I need to make money and send them on vacation abroad.. There wahala too much

cardoso514:
This is real and great!

thanks

is this francis?

BlinkyBling:
haba! Just see how odd this comment looks in this nice and insightful write up.
I mean I believe that is a time and moment for this your kinda write up.
Guess you should wait for such moments

He just want to derail the thread

fabiano09:
I told myself that it is very important that I quote you and tell you how stupid you are,you are part of the problem why Africa will continue to be backward,I doubt you are educated,how can u say paying school fees is more important than kisses and hugs? u have a big problem and I pray u realize it early to save you from despair.

don't mind the idiiot

lovelygurl:
Op you are sooooo right! Number 8 and 13 is enough for those with a functioning brain.

The mistake most dads make is they think respect is sth. to be enforced on the kids, which results in forming boss, bringing up rules that don't make sense and barking around like dogs.
The truth is they will "respect" you because they are SCARED of you. They will do those things you want them to, also because they are scared of your actions BUT what happens if they dont have any reason to be scared of you again? You don't earn respect by instilling fear in people, that's just pathetic.

Also most of them think they don't have to be close to their kids because of this and that. It could be because they think it's the mother's job or whatever. All they have to do is bring money to the table. How naive! Building no emotional connection to YOUR own kids. Jeez which kind of life are you living?

Well like op said when you retire and then seek for emotional bonding etc because you feel lonely, there is higher chance that you are not getting it.

Oh and it's also sad that most Nigerian men are brought up thinking showing feelings whatsoever makes them look weak

I have read many posts from this thread including this one. Am just wondering the way most people, especially this era reasons. I mean the way the todey Nigerian thinks. I am a grand father. From records, no woman has successfully managed the home alone. Both mother and father does it together but when the father dies prematurelly, the mother and the children most time do not do well because, it is very difficult to manage the children without the father. Most children do not obay the commands and instructions of the mothers without the support of the father hence the father is described as always shouting. If the father do not shout especually the today jet age where children are very arrogant, desrespectful etc. All these children who posting and are sounding insultive to father and those who prefers to talk down, those children who misbehaves because the father is aged should have a change of mind. The bible describe the mother as a helper. Helper means to assist the father. Therefore, the father is expected to take the lead and to lead involved using all manners of methods to ensure that at the end, a good reault is achieved.
My second son, now a millitary officer in defence headquarters was living with his mother, while I was transferred to PH to work. My wife was always complaining so much so that I was forced to remove him, take him and lived with me until he was able to finish school (university)and now an officer. So if you are still a young man under parents, please, always respect your father when he is old. Do not say he was using force on me and now that I am on my own, to hell with him.

I am a #proud daughter to my late father, he was and still my hero, we were so close to the extent i fell ill days bf he died, buh i never knew death was knocking, love my parents to pieces, i cant place one above the other, cos they both sacrifised greatly for myself and siblings. God bless our parents.

bencarson007:
. You are wrong... Fatherhood is not a thankless job but one filled with perks if done lovingly... Most fathers who have this mentality of fatherhood is a thankless job, under the guise of being strict graduate into being wicked and next stage is tyranny... My dad has done all the stages and even added one more step - heartless so right now, his six kids feel nothing for him... Now he is looking for companions and friends, they are all gone. If I remember all that he has done to me, I feel like strangling him but if a fly perches on my mom, I will be on the next available flight to Delta state or take the nearest bus no matter the risk. We have not spoken for about a year or seen each other... Don't neglect ur kids or try to be a tyrant to them cos a day will come and u can't find them for support...

your head is valid bro

YTderin:
Old age.
Bearing in mind that we were so scared if him while growing up... Imagine a scenario whereby, you hear a knock on the gate, and we realize it's Popc, the sitting room gets deserted immediately, laptop, phones, earpieces, chargers,TV goes off.. . everyone of us literally scamper to safety. Then we start arguing on who will go and open the gate for the man . Dad really scared us sha ooo. Amongst other things
I've talked to my siblings severall about letting it go. I hope they grow more sensible as they grow older.

that's one thing my dad never did.. I dey play Sega wela for midnyt he come out waka pass he will say weds I no sleep I will say no school 2mro.. He will say bye bye

They won't remember the days they maltreated their wives and they won't remember how they considered themselves too alpha to bond with their children through house chores or homework or joke with.

By the way, I don't know that family where the woman is a stay at home mother. It is my experience that both parents provide for the family therefore you cannot use the provider excuse to redirect blame. Fathers who find themselves in this position have no one but themselves to blame.

dingbang:
My dad is yet to come to terms with the fact that he is getting old and he has men in the house... I pity him .



My mum, well... I don't know what to say... They caused the friction...

even you

This is real, God bless you for opening our eyes

CHERIPH:
I love both my pop and mum, though, both of them are disciplinarian . i am the firstborn and i suffer most. My dad is very strict but i started loving him so much some years back when he called me and gave me money after my graduation year to travel abroad when he saw the frustration in me when i had no job. He made the smart move when he realized that my siblings and i never had a single love for him. WHERE IS LAWYERS SON.

what's his reply?

KevinDein:
I've long accepted that fatherhood is a thankless job. I'm prepared for that. However, I'd still give my all to see that my offsprings turn out great.

They can save the emotional stuffs for the mom; I don't need that. I just want them to be the best scientists, sportmen etc. That's enough for me.

When you get there, you'll realize all the above are not enough. Take a moment to the future in your mind and place all these before you as achievements without the care and attention of your kids especially, you'll nearly shed tears

obikirinoni:
I hope every guy reads this.

Please share on Facebook and other social media outlets.
Thanks

i have done that

Children actually listen to their mothers. My brothers will not be where they are today if not for our mother......and father.

In my experience, the one that don't listen to their mothers are those whose fathers have managed to denigrate in front of them and those whose mothers always run to the fathers when there are disciplinary issues.

Bobby808:
I have read many posts from this thread including this one. Am just wondering the way most people, especially this era reasons. I mean the way the todey Nigerian thinks. I am a grand father. From records, no woman has successfully managed the home alone. Both mother and father does it together but when the father dies prematurelly, the mother and the children most time do not do well because, it is very difficult to manage the children without the father. Most children do not obay the commands and instructions of the mothers without the support of the father hence the father is described as always shouting. If the father do not shout especually the today jet age where children are very arrogant, desrespectful etc. All these children who posting and are sounding insultive to father and those who prefers to talk down, those children who misbehaves because the father is aged should have a change of mind. The bible describe the mother as a helper. Helper means to assist the father. Therefore, the father is expected to take the lead and to lead involved using all manners of methods to ensure that at the end, a good reault is achieved.
My second son, now a millitary officer in defence headquarters was living with his mother, while I was transferred to PH to work. My wife was always complaining so much so that I was forced to remove him, take him and lived with me until he was able to finish school (university)and now an officer. So if you are still a young man under parents, please, always respect your father when he is old. Do not say he was using force on me and now that I am on my own, to hell with him.

MARKETfund:
That just the point
You're turning out to be like the person you resent by adopting a stone heart just like him
Same attitude will make your offspring resent you too, and the cycle continues

Succinctly said my brother.
That's why forgives is truly not about the person who offended u. But it's for u yourself.

FABOLOUS WRITE UP. I AM LIVING THIS REALITY NOW. God help you if you are broke after slaving for the kids.

MissCuppy:
No matter how strict my dad is, I still love him and will not neglect him when he gets old.

Thats because he was able to balance when to be strict and when to be soft. Many Nigerian men don't know this, hence they are seen as sadists by their children... terrible.

VanBommel:
OP God bless you for this piece, It's the same thing we've been experiencing in my home. Nobody wants to talk to dad cos he's very proud, arrogant, refuses to take correction and some other things which I don't want to mention. Anytime he calls my line I'm always very angry, most times I don't pick up. There's this resentment I harbor towards him, it's same with my mum and siblings. They don't like picking his calls, they don't bother going to the house, it's just like we don't want to have anything to do with him. Till date, whenever you try to correct him on some issues, he displays that arrogance which makes him more irritating. I've promised myself to make sure I bond with my kids more than my wife, i'll never make the mistake my dad made. I've started from now to begin to correct some attitudes of mine so that it won't affect me later. As for the relationship with him, I doubt if there's anything that can make us close cos he isn't ready to change.

make sure your wife is among the bond. Women can be slimy.. U know

chukzyfcbb:
How many of us have had our fathers look us in the eye and say
- I love you or
- You have done well
- You make me proud

I can guess the answer, few. In fact it could be 1 person in 50. That you have a Dad in the house doesn't mean he is fathering you.

bro this thing you posted really touched my soul

chukzyfcbb:
How many of us have had our fathers look us in the eye and say
- I love you or
- You have done well
- You make me proud

I can guess the answer, few. In fact it could be 1 person in 50. That you have a Dad in the house doesn't mean he is fathering you.

bro this your post really touched my soul

AstuteJay:
Let's not kid ourselves, the most important factor is the financial muscle. Once this is intact, the father rules his entire life.

Even when the kids are all grown and doing well, they dare not mess up with him because they still need his goodwill and contacts. If and when the mother messes up, the father (a typical African man) marries another wife and moves on with his life.

Dear men, let's do everything possible to build our financial muscle so as to continue to wield the big stick our entire life!

Power resides where money is.

What if you become unfortunate with a medical condition and your kids are making escuses from seeing you, simply because they have no connection with you, simply because you have only been useful as a moneybag. See, it will be the new definition of miserable if you keep "bossing" insensitively all your life, cos if that money dries up, or if even the kids prosper so well and eventually don't need your money, you will hate your years.

Bobby808:
I have read many posts from this thread including this one. Am just wondering the way most people, especially this era reasons. I mean the way the todey Nigerian thinks. I am a grand father. From records, no woman has successfully managed the home alone. Both mother and father does it together but when the father dies prematurelly, the mother and the children most time do not do well because, it is very difficult to manage the children without the father. Most children do not obay the commands and instructions of the mothers without the support of the father hence the father is described as always shouting. If the father do not shout especually the today jet age where children are very arrogant, desrespectful etc. All these children who posting and are sounding insultive to father and those who prefers to talk down, those children who misbehaves because the father is aged should have a change of mind. The bible describe the mother as a helper. Helper means to assist the father. Therefore, the father is expected to take the lead and to lead involved using all manners of methods to ensure that at the end, a good reault is achieved.
My second son, now a millitary officer in defence headquarters was living with his mother, while I was transferred to PH to work. My wife was always complaining so much so that I was forced to remove him, take him and lived with me until he was able to finish school (university)and now an officer. So if you are still a young man under parents, please, always respect your father when he is old. Do not say he was using force on me and now that I am on my own, to hell with him.

sir, no one is complaining about the way their father flogged them when they were young, what we're talking about is the bonding which never existed between father and child. If I tell you how it was in my home, you'll get to understand the reason for the resentment I have towards him. Now he's trying to come close to me and my siblings, but it's not just working out. The way you handled your children isn't the way other men handled theirs, I have friends and family members that loves their fathers so much.

aameyah:
You still won't learn, abi? People are talking about emotional availability and connection, you are talking about contacts and big stick. Ok. Kontinu.

Many of them quoting are totally ignorant. I don't pray they have one illness or the other and watch their kids ignkre them, simply because there was no emotional connection, simply business of feeding and paying school fees. I ve seen some guys say they want to refund their dads what they spent on them, so it won't look like they owe them anything.

Bobby808:
I have read many posts from this thread including this one. Am just wondering the way most people, especially this era reasons. I mean the way the todey Nigerian thinks. I am a grand father. From records, no woman has successfully managed the home alone. Both mother and father does it together but when the father dies prematurelly, the mother and the children most time do not do well because, it is very difficult to manage the children without the father. Most children do not obay the commands and instructions of the mothers without the support of the father hence the father is described as always shouting. If the father do not shout especually the today jet age where children are very arrogant, desrespectful etc. All these children who posting and are sounding insultive to father and those who prefers to talk down, those children who misbehaves because the father is aged should have a change of mind. The bible describe the mother as a helper. Helper means to assist the father. Therefore, the father is expected to take the lead and to lead involved using all manners of methods to ensure that at the end, a good reault is achieved.
My second son, now a millitary officer in defence headquarters was living with his mother, while I was transferred to PH to work. My wife was always complaining so much so that I was forced to remove him, take him and lived with me until he was able to finish school (university)and now an officer. So if you are still a young man under parents, please, always respect your father when he is old. Do not say he was using force on me and now that I am on my own, to hell with him.

You don't realise where you differ from so many fathers,you had the insight and probably love to move your son to live with you,now he's a military officer ,just imagine if you hadn't done that,I promise you that child will hate you ,you won't even know

smithsydny:
your head is valid bro

. Thanks bros. The truth has to be said... Who says one can't raise his kids lovingly... When I compare me and my siblings with some other kids that were raised lovingly by their dads and moms, we are no match for them... They developed well... While we only survived... They enjoyed childhood while we endured childhood... Using myself as an example, I know next to notin abt my dad...I am in my thirties but can't tell u when my dad was born... Let me not go into details... Bros it hurts mehn... Tell me to discuss my dad,I will give you only bad memiors cos that's the only thing I know about him.... Fatherhood is supposed to be fun but some fathers gave it another name - Tyrannical rule

bencarson007:
. Thanks bros. The truth has to be said... Who says one can't raise his kids lovingly... When I compare me and my siblings with some other kids that were raised lovingly by their dads and moms, we are no match for them... They developed well... While we only survived... They enjoyed childhood while we endured childhood... Using myself as an example, I know next to notin abt my dad...I am in my thirties but can't tell u when my dad was born... Let me not go into details... Bros it hurts mehn... Tell me to discuss my dad,I will give you only bad memiors cos that's the only thing I know about him.... Fatherhood is supposed to be fun but some fathers gave it another name - Tyrannical rule

its just crazy bro. I see things everyday.. Ryt now my dads younger brother flinged his wife away with 3 kids brought in another now has 3 kids. Will someone wakeup 2mro say just forgive him? After there mum has taking care of them for going to like 10 years now.

I just learn things each an everyday. As not to male silly mistake wen am there. Am in my late 20s now wch any moment I will be there but how prepared am I that's the question I ask my self..

We have different experience in life. My dad has been really trying sometimes e dey enter him too.. But his been trying to see that things work out good.. So am grateful too God.. So bro its your turn to correct any mistake that was done before. Bless u

wonderful tips

xammy:
i have done that

GOD BLESS YOU XAMMY