₦airaland Forum

rogovo20:
Hello Nlanders,

Its me again. In the last 2 years, my wife and I have agreed to make things work by putting a stop to the things we do that makes either of us think we are getting involved in infidelity. As for me, being a father and a husband, I hold my home down by adhering to the rules, and she being the foundation, she also needs to. But as far as I have improved, she has not, and she even admitted to it, but she keeps saying am not doing anything which I have to understand because there is no concrete evidence. Although, I have seen several things that I cannot start with now because the story will be long. I will just narrate that which occured from few days past.

On Thursday, I called my wife to pass a message across to her, because she runs a daycare and she has nannies to represent her when shes not around. I called she didnt pick, normally if I call and she does not pick, I call her nanny to pass the phone across to her. After calling and she didnt pick, I called the nanny immediately, her number was busy, the time frame was just in btwn 1min when I called my wife back, her number was busy, so I thought she was trying to call me back. I waited to see if my phone would ring, it didnt, so I called back again, it was saying busy which is obvious she was on a call. 10 MINS later, she now called back that she saw my message that she should call me. I asked if she didnt see missed calls, she said her phone was on silent, I responded that ur number was busy twice while trying to call u and werent picking, she said the agent that has been trying to reach her was more important to speak with than taking my calls then because he has been expecting the guy to come to site. I sat her down that night, and explained that, its not like I dont trust u or am trying to figure anything out, as a mother and as a wife, if u are out, try as much as possible to be reachable, it could be an emergency or any other thing that would require u are reached promptly, she said sorry, that she'll always pick calls.

Yesterday, she had gone out from work to see a consultant, she called me while she was leaving the office that she saw a lady who said she knows me, that she should say hi to me, cool, thought she was going back to work, 3 hours later, I called to ask her if my chequebook was in the car she took as I could not find it. I called 3 times, my wife didnt pick. 35 mins later, she called back saying she was buying time to get some few clothes so that when shes done, shes going back to the consultants office, that she left her phone in the car. OK! I told her am not happy, it was just yesterday that I was tutoring you about the importance of having to be reachable while outside, she said shes sorry, I also reitrated the same point I made apart from the important of picking calls, that 3weeks back after finding out she cheated on me emotionally with a guy, which is an offense enough for some impatient men to chase a wife out, that I decided to forgive and move on, but she would have to promise to adhere to some rules, and to build trust is not a joke, you would have to be careful with things you do innapropriately in order for me to start trusting you again, going out and not being reachable two consecutive times is not good, though not judging you are up to something. I let that slide. Yesterday again, I called my wife after leaving the house to the barbing salon that a friend just came from jand, will be hanging out, probably wont be back until 1:AM. she said no P.

Based on the last incident when she cheated on me emotionally, I told her i was leaving the house for some days to go and heal myself, after 3 days, she took my kids around 9am, and started looking around for me, unfortunately, she left my daughter in the car parked in front of a locked gate with the engine on, carried the boy in her hands, walked down to a place she knows I might be with my friends, saw me, created drama that I must come home, was really mad when I found out that she walked this far and left my daughter in the car with the engine on. She said the children are second priority that am first. I convinced her to go back which she did, we settled and moved on. Now after telling her am hanging out, with the little argument we have had regarding not picking calls, I had a feeling she might again try to come and look for me with the kids at night, I decided to come home. But my coming home, went to the backyard to peep from our window room, I saw something ununsual. If you are reading this long story, and u want to know more, let me know and I will continue b4 some people will come here and say my story is too much.

emeijeh:
How does a wife cheat on his husband emotionally?

Besides, na missed calls matter you carry come NL this hot afternoon?!

ipobbigot7:
Op i am a married man and so i should qualify to say something.

I don't see what is wrong with your wife here, though according to your claim you have reason to be suspicious of her but i don't think it's necessary as much as you can be magnanimous to forgive which makes unique and mature.

But sir quit monitoring your wife around, you are going to be creating unnecessary anxiety and frustration for yourself. Suspecting and monitoring her can never improve your trust for her because you're going to keep finding out her imperfections and have more reasons to distrust her, whereas your findings may have nothing concrete linking her to infidelity but mere speculation.

I see some virtues in your wife. A woman that will own up and apologize to what she's corrected on, that will take time to explain reasons for some actions. You shouldn't allow suspicion to make her feel insecure and under constant watch, that will only produce more negative things you didn't bargain for.

And please avoid those comments suggesting that you should divorce your or take other negative steps. Many of those advisers are not married or have a broken home background. From your two threads, it has indicated that you love your family and have displayed to be a responsible husband, your wife is not also doing bad either.

The truth is every homes have issues to manage, please go home and manage yours.

Oyindidi:
Him for kill me if I be him wife. My phone is permanently on silence. Unless I'm chatting or I call I hardly pick calls. I can be on call for 1hour. According to op that makes me a suspect.

I wonder why boys dey marry
You and your wife dey take turn dey cheat on each other. marriage is being thrown to dogs

Oyindidi:
https://www.nairaland.com/3824459/should-expose-wifes-ex

ipobbigot7:
My sister i read that too before my comments.

Truth is building a home is not a day thing.

The lady sure have some errors of which the man is neither innocent. But women have easily been victimized often in matters of marriage. My wife caught me cheating on her many times before i could become stable, and in all those times she forgave me and gave me another chance, but today she's happier than the other ladies jumping from one relationship to another on the excuses of men cheating on them.

Giving my case as an example, how men is overlooking a lesser offenses from their wives?

If this man in question here have such a gracious heart to forgive his wife when he caught her cheated on him emotionally, then should encourage him to manage what he's having problem with.

Oyindidi:
Did you cheat before or after marriage?

ipobbigot7:
After marriage.

Please women need to be commended for giving more in a relationship, while we should stop looking for every opportunity to castrate them on what men will easily get away with.

If the woman in question is called on, you will find that she equally have reasons to be suspicious of the man but she's rather focus on moving forward.

Oyindidi:
Women are always on the receiving end. Men cheat and everyone feels its okay but if a woman talk to her ex all hell will loose. Hope you are no longer cheating on her?

ipobbigot7:
That has stopped long time ago.

vivalavida:
Oga, u are feeling just too insecure. I used to be like you though am not married yet. I and my gf used to quarrel and fight almost every three months. I suspected her seriously and yes, she gave me every reason to do so. I almost turned into a nag.
I decided to switch it all up. I stopped caring like I usually will do. I don't call at all unless it is necessary. Last quarrel I had with her was May last year. My life became happier. She changed. Before u will correct her and she Will say sorry and still do those things again. She stopped it when she saw that I no longer cared that much. Yesterday she was the one telling me how her colleague bf was paying attention to her and asking me on how to get rid of him.
Brother stop monitoring your wife as if u are buhari's DSS. Stop nagging her. Try and look away and do just what is required of you to do in the home and find other things to keep you happy. Watch football. She will start devising means to get your attention back. When you pay too much attention to ladies and start nagging, deep down they start detesting you

emeijeh:
How does a wife cheat on his husband emotionally?




Besides, na missed calls matter you carry come NL this hot afternoon?!

vivalavida:
Oga, u are feeling just too insecure. I used to be like you though am not married yet. I and my gf used to quarrel and fight almost every three months. I suspected her seriously and yes, she gave me every reason to do so. I almost turned into a nag.
I decided to switch it all up. I stopped caring like I usually will do. I don't call at all unless it is necessary. Last quarrel I had with her was May last year. My life became happier. She changed. Before u will correct her and she Will say sorry and still do those things again. She stopped it when she saw that I no longer cared that much. Yesterday she was the one telling me how her colleague bf was paying attention to her and asking me on how to get rid of him.
Brother stop monitoring your wife as if u are buhari's DSS. Stop nagging her. Try and look away and do just what is required of you to do in the home and find other things to keep you happy. Watch football. She will start devising means to get your attention back. When you pay too much attention to ladies and start nagging, deep down they start detesting you

ipobbigot7:
After marriage.

Please women need to be commended for giving more in a relationship, while we should stop looking for every opportunity to castrate them on what men will easily get away with.

If the woman in question is called on, you will find that she equally have reasons to be suspicious of the man but she's rather focus on moving forward.

CzarChris:
Boss, that formula works like magic. My fiancée even once asked me "Chris, why don't you get jealous and ask me where I am or show a little sign of anything. It's like you don't care about me". I was like "Babe if I monitor you from now till tomorrow, if you want to cheat, you go cheat, so why bother ". Just let them do their thing and you'll have peace of mind.

Viking007:
Insecurity. Most men suffer from insecurity, but they hardly admit it. I learnt my lesson the hard way.