₦airaland Forum

lisbonabdulahi:
Hello Nairalanders, please I need you advice before I finally end this marriage.
I know I was at fault at the beginning for not stamping my authority , I showed her so much love, because she is a product of a broken home, I wanted her to know there is much more to life, now she has turned my love to foolishness, I do not want my kids to grow up without a father. That is why I have been very patient, but now … please read on.

I have been married for 11 years, with 4 kids. The truth is that we have never had really peace in the home for these years, everything is trouble, from the way I talk, eat, dress, use the toilet and sleep, just name them. The situation has been bad from the beginning, but the last three years has been hell for me and the kids, my wife shouts and complain over everything, she cannot go one full day with Joy, there is always one thing that annoys her, she has to be right on all issues, The very sad part is that whenever she does anything wrong and I ask her, there will be trouble, she will refuse to speak with me for as long as she like. We can go for weeks without really speaking with each other she enjoys it, she does not just bother at all. Each time these things happen, I am always the one that try to initiate peace.

I will like to give only one example to summarise everything going on in my home: two years ago, she will just leave the home without telling me, I called her and told her it is not right, she replied me promptly that it is her life, I can’t control her, and it is my life as well, I should do whatever I like with it. well I thought it was anger, however, I never mind, anytime I want to leave, I make sure I tell her till one day she called me and tell me that even if I keep informing her about my movements, that she is not going to change, she is not under any obligation to tell me where she is going to. My people, for two years counting now, that is how we have been doing it, we just leave without telling each other. BUT OCCASSIONALLY FOR SOME REASONS I DON’T KNOW, SHE WILL JUST TELL ME SHE IS GOING OUT TO XYZ.

She always insults me and even the kids, for any mistake they make and she never fails to tell them that they did not inherit their bad character from her, that they inherited their character from me, she says this consistently even when I am there. There is no insult she has not poured on me, I have had to explain to her mother severally but the woman is simply helpless, her mother is dead scared of her. She exhibited some of these characters during our two years of courtship, but her mother and some brethren advised that she will change after marriage. She is always complaining of being tired, meanwhile, I do the dishes, do the vacuuming (sweeping), cleaning and other domestic duties, even when she cooks, I have to cut the ingredients and all that, in short she rarely cooks. We sleep in different rooms for 4 years counting now, occasionally I try to go to her room to initiate sex, but 99% of cases she chase me away, sometime she locks her door. She stopped me from sleeping in same room with her, when I asked why, shy did not say anything but after 4 months she said it was because I was snoring at night. Trust me anytime I am opportune to make love to her I make sure she climaxes…

It is so bad that even her sisters sometimes rebuke her in my presence, presently, she is not in talking terms with any of her siblings, and this has been on for the past three years. I am stuck with this lady, her mother cannot talk to her, no family member she respects. She is a loner.
To the extent that she makes friends and they always break up, she has no real close friends, even if they are close, trust me, before 6 months the relationship has gone sour.

Please take a trip or a holiday to a nice place all alone. Relax, kick back and think your situation through. Be honest with yourself. Are there things you do she complains about that you have not stopped. Make sure to do a wholesome review of your marriage and try to find out when things changed. What caused the changes and what have you done to fix them. You don't have to be right.

Also try marriage counselling from a professional counsellor (not your church or Pastor). A vacation for just the both of you may also be nice where you guys can sit in a relaxed atmosphere and talk.

If your assessment and efforts still brings you to the conclusion that you have not done anything to deserve her behaviour and you are certain you have exhausted all possible means of resolution then do what you think is right for you and the kids.

Life is too short to live in a perpetual state of unhappiness especially in ones home.

Best of luck.

_MadCow

lisbonabdulahi:
Thanks, she is just waiting for me to do something stupid so that she can send me parking

send u packing ��� are u leaving in her house

FreeSpirited:
You are so dumb. Where did you grow up? Who brought you up? Didn't you date girls all your life before this girl? Don't you roll with guys before marriage? Well, the only reason for all this dumbness and docility must be from your religious orientation...cos I heard you say 'one brainless brethren asked you to marry her".I don't have advice for you cos you have disgraced manhood in general..and I'm so pained reading your shameful story Carry your cross.
Maybe if you have enough sense to do DNA and discover those children or a couple of them arnt your children maybe you will get sense and act like a man.
If I may ask, were you castrated? I can't believe a man will shun his dignity and allow a woman to rule him in such a pititful manner. You are a castrated man!
I can place a bet that your wife has been fvcking different dicks all along. Women who have such mind and courage to control a wussy like you won't find it hard to please themselves with whichever diick they desire because, they see themselves as the boss while you are just a figure-head husband with no power or authority. She can never fear your or have respect for your marital vow. She gives her body to men out there who are man enough to make her feel like a woman, not the way you make her feel like the boss.
I don't just know why I'm angry at how a man could so ridicule her birthright as a man. You lost your manhood. Go and learn or start reading what it means to be a respected husband, what it means to be a man that women adore...cos you have no business with marriage with the way you are. Yet I still don't have advice for you.. Wait till she end your life, you will have sense by then

You may think you are harsh with me, but this is just the truth you have written . my 5,year old daughter once asked me who is the boss of the house

lisbonabdulahi:
She exhibited some of these characters during our two years of courtship, but her mother and some brethren advised that she will change after marriage.

bros, you saw it coming.
You did...


Get a divorce if you can or live with your decision.

Guyman02:
In my case I provide everything in the home which she will still not appreciate my efforts.

Sex is almost boring because I have to practically beg for it like OP and sometimes it is accompanied with insults and many other things I don't have time to write about.

I can personally feel his pain and he is passing through for years in the name of remaining married.

thanks, I am sorry to hear you are in same shoes, can't wish this for my enemy

AuroraB:
Chase your away from her room when you come for sengemenge
My guy, do you dress like a masquerade

not funny, I am serious

cashboss2017:
U didnt state your name clear? anyway from the tone of your msg u must be an afonja right??

No

I'm sorry to say but the first thing that came to my mind while reading this is that your wife may be cheating on you.
Why would a responsible woman just stand up and leave her home without informing anyone of her where abouts?
Your wife doesn't seem to be almost 50 years old, so why the total avoidance in intimacy? Up to the extent that as early as 11 years of marriage you two are already sleeping in different rooms. I can understand if you guys were 20 years in marriage or more.
Your wife lacks respect for you. This is undeniably a personality flaw on her part and just like you said, you saw it during courtship but hoped she will change. Reality is that a lot of people do not change... what you cannot manage during courtship will become unbearable in marriage.
Since family members cannot help in resolving issues. Take it to the church. Talk to your pastor or priest. You must exhaust all possible options to make the marriage work. But if all is done and said and problems still exist, then divorce may be the only option left.

That marriage is already over bro! If you want to live a long life just seek for a divorce. #bye

Its not the issue of loving her or not the truth is that women have general fault and as a man if you fail to control and minimize it that can lead to the collapse of your marriage.
When you over show a woman love she will label you as weak i dont say you shouldn't love your woman but at the initial stage let her know the Does and the Dont if she cant comply with that dont think about marrying her
You failed to stamp your authority on her she has taken you for granted and i dont think you can win her respect back so better quit the marriage and move on.

lisbonabdulahi:
Hello Nairalanders, please I need you advice before I finally end this marriage.
I know I was at fault at the beginning for not stamping my authority , I showed her so much love, because she is a product of a broken home, I wanted her to know there is much more to life, now she has turned my love to foolishness, I do not want my kids to grow up without a father. That is why I have been very patient, but now … please read on.

I have been married for 11 years, with 4 kids. The truth is that we have never had really peace in the home for these years, everything is trouble, from the way I talk, eat, dress, use the toilet and sleep, just name them. The situation has been bad from the beginning, but the last three years has been hell for me and the kids, my wife shouts and complain over everything, she cannot go one full day with Joy, there is always one thing that annoys her, she has to be right on all issues, The very sad part is that whenever she does anything wrong and I ask her, there will be trouble, she will refuse to speak with me for as long as she like. We can go for weeks without really speaking with each other she enjoys it, she does not just bother at all. Each time these things happen, I am always the one that try to initiate peace.

I will like to give only one example to summarise everything going on in my home: two years ago, she will just leave the home without telling me, I called her and told her it is not right, she replied me promptly that it is her life, I can’t control her, and it is my life as well, I should do whatever I like with it. well I thought it was anger, however, I never mind, anytime I want to leave, I make sure I tell her till one day she called me and tell me that even if I keep informing her about my movements, that she is not going to change, she is not under any obligation to tell me where she is going to. My people, for two years counting now, that is how we have been doing it, we just leave without telling each other. BUT OCCASSIONALLY FOR SOME REASONS I DON’T KNOW, SHE WILL JUST TELL ME SHE IS GOING OUT TO XYZ.

She always insults me and even the kids, for any mistake they make and she never fails to tell them that they did not inherit their bad character from her, that they inherited their character from me, she says this consistently even when I am there. There is no insult she has not poured on me, I have had to explain to her mother severally but the woman is simply helpless, her mother is dead scared of her. She exhibited some of these characters during our two years of courtship, but her mother and some brethren advised that she will change after marriage. She is always complaining of being tired, meanwhile, I do the dishes, do the vacuuming (sweeping), cleaning and other domestic duties, even when she cooks, I have to cut the ingredients and all that, in short she rarely cooks. We sleep in different rooms for 4 years counting now, occasionally I try to go to her room to initiate sex, but 99% of cases she chase me away, sometime she locks her door. She stopped me from sleeping in same room with her, when I asked why, shy did not say anything but after 4 months she said it was because I was snoring at night. Trust me anytime I am opportune to make love to her I make sure she climaxes…

It is so bad that even her sisters sometimes rebuke her in my presence, presently, she is not in talking terms with any of her siblings, and this has been on for the past three years. I am stuck with this lady, her mother cannot talk to her, no family member she respects. She is a loner.
To the extent that she makes friends and they always break up, she has no real close friends, even if they are close, trust me, before 6 months the relationship has gone sour.

.

Bro, you don't have wife, you only have mother of kids, I ran away from such a lady last year. Her mum almost push me to marry her. She displayed all the characters your wife displayed, her mum too can't control her, the woman too had a broken home, severally the lady chased me away from herself while she calls me back when she feels like. My advice is that you should leave her, you have bought bad products from the black market, her parents had sold her to you while you were blindfolded with love. Am just thanking God about my own, thank God I took that decision when i noticed those traits

Billyonaire:
@ lisbonabdulahi

Listen friend, Please pay attention to what I am going to tell you and this is for your own good. If not, I can assure you, we will lose you.

You are married to a Narcissistic woman. She has Narcissistic Personality Disorder. It is a mental disorder. A bruised Soul destroyed by Childhood of lovelessness.

If 80% of the traits I am about to list below occurs in your marriage, then what you should be doing is finding a way your kids can live far away from your wife.

1. She gives excessive attention to her beauty.
2. She never apologizes.
3. She says she is not a slave in your house and lures you to help in the kitchen.
4. She leaves home to hang out and comes home at her will.
5. She depends on you for every of her need and if she offers a gift to others, she complains how they may not use it well.
6. She says without her, you are nothing.
7. She monitors your finances and saves part of it and call it hers.
8. If you own a house, she says it is hers too.
9. She calls you my husband when she desires things from you.
10. If you guys quarrel she locks herself in a room and remains there and you are the one to apologize.
11. She complains that you take care of your own family and corners some stuff to her own family except she hates them.
12. She cries real tears even when she is at fault.
13. She blames others for everything and nothing is ever her fault.

I would have typed more, but I havent got much time. But if your wife exhibits 80% of the above characteristics then I have news for you.

She can not be helped.
She is not even aware of the fact that she is hurting others.
She believes she is the victim.

The solution is RUN. It is complicated with kids involved. No househelp will ever satisfy her, she nags the hell out of everyone.


When I read from you I will tell you the nature of her Soul. These entities locate Empaths like you. Charitable people. They hook you and the convert your love energy to negative energies that entities feed on without being aware.


These are different soul archetypes. The fight and flight mechanism of these people got activated in childhood mostly from broken homes and abusive childhoods so they stopped growing emotional. So they are emotional babies even at old age they behave like their spouse owes them entitlements. They are mostly parasitic in nature and she will leave you the moment you run out of her supplies. All they know is what to get from you and not what to give. And they have to give, they try to control the person they give anything to.

You have done great so far, but she will never change. Get a househelp and stop financing her fantasies, use the cash to hire a househelp to take care of the kids. And I beg you cut off the love, cos I am sorry to say, they do not love truly. They only mimic your emotions. They are not capable of loving.

I will write about the spiritual angle to narcissism and why the Churches can not exorcise them, except ofcourse only tapping into Christ Consciousness can the Galactic Federation help you cut off the Soul contract you had with the Jezebel Spirit. They are so nice at one moment, just when you are so sure there is peace at home. Quarrels come out of no where.

Brilliant, but the only thing is that she has never cried over anything, and she is not lazy if it comes to working to make money

You saw black, you knew it was black, but your mother inlaw and the church brother told you to take it and wash it it will wash off. You believed them. Anyway, I think u have endured enough. Stand up to your challenge or the challenge will drag u out of this earth. Take your children to your mother and then come back and sort it out legitimately with the lioness

Bro.. I'm really sorry, but you're a pussy ass nigga.. How on earth did you allowed all these shitt to happen? Let me guess, you didn't grew up in the streets right? If not, why are you so soft that a woman will roll you like a ball? Please, grow some balls and be a man for once.. Take charge, make plans for your children, divorce this woman and marry another. Life is too short to live with a piece of shitty

bizza45:
that's because u are one

deep down, I think ykuy are right

fluxbush:
Wait oo! Ayam nor understanding again. Send you packing? Abeg who get the house? This story don dey get k-leg

because we live in Finland

chinchum:
it seems she is the one that owns the house or possibly paying the rent? I would recommend separation for now, possibly three months . If she comes back to her senses , then reassess the marital relationship within this period.

We live in Finland

Lexusgs430:
The 1st mistake you made, bad attitudes do not get dropped at the altar.......
She exhibited signs, but love blinded you?
If things are this bad, you both can seek counselling and if that fails. DIVORCE

That is the truth. Op your wife is an agent of darkness, that is set to make you cry.divorce her,tell her you are not doing again. Even her family go understand. Don't kill yourself because of one useless garden tool.

If u have chosen to die before your time, continue living in that hell u called marriage with her .After your untimely death ,they will see her adding extra buttocks.

Billyonaire:
They cry at counselling and make the husband even beg her to stop crying. The easiest way to beat them at their game is just accept whatever argument they bring forth, cos narcissists have no idea the hurt they cause others. They have no empathy at all. They do not feel the pains of others. They can even read your mind. Predict what your plans are. Very manipulative.

you seemed to be living with us. She gat no chill

Maximus85:
You made a very big mistake. You said two year during your courtship she showed signs of these wicked behavior and some people said she'll change after wedding. The truth is, if there's any behavior that can't be stopped before marriage, after wedding, it will be worse.

Pray to Jehovah, be specific in your prayers what you want from Jehovah. Continue being positive. Something tells me you did something in the past and here's your punishment. Pray to God for forgiveness. Fast for days as long as the spirit leads you. Get closer to God.

wwlly I dated an angel, but lost her to my present wife

For me as a man , I dont beg women... Even if you like be the Queen of the world,

Since she likes to be stupid at times, Ignore her for months, cook your food, take care of your children and so on..... she will definitly ran away by herself or repent.

Anyone who does not suffer with you , should not enjoy with you.. Simple

You dont beg a woman you put under your roof.

bizza45:
send u packing ��� are u leaving in her house

we leave in Finland, in the EU, the man always have to go

jameshow:
.

Bro, you don't have wife, you only have mother of kids, I ran away from such a lady last year. Her mum almost push me to marry her. She displayed all the characters your wife displayed, her mum too can't control her, the woman too had a broken home, severally the lady chased me away from herself while she calls me back when she feels like. My advice is that you should leave her, you have bought bad products from the black market, her parents had sold her to you while you were blindfolded with love. Am just thanking God about my own, thank God I took that decision when i noticed those traits

Trust me yiuy did the right thing

manikspears:
That is the truth. Op your wife is an agent of darkness, that is set to make you cry.divorce her,tell her you are not doing again. Even her family go understand. Don't kill yourself because of one useless garden tool.

It seems his main concern is the physiological and emotional stability of the kids.....
Kids brought up in broken homes, still survive. Would be difficult for them initially, but they would understand in no time.
Both parents would have to make a consented efforts financially and otherwise, in the upbringing of the kids....

lisbonabdulahi:
She exhibited some of these characters during our two years of courtship, but her mother and some brethren advised that she will change after marriage.

This is the major factor that leads to violence and divorce in marriages these days. You saw the Red Light and you still went on with it.

Well, this is a lesson for those of us that are still single; never assume he or she will change from an extremely bad trait after wedding.... don't be carried away by the love u have for him/her.

As for the OP, for the sake of your children, please sit your wife down one last time and try to figure out what is going on with her...because it is obvious u are not d only one at the receiving end of her bad attitude...it could be as a result of an event she experienced in her childhood....speak with her folks and try to figure out when it all started...If it is from childhood, it's already too late, let her go before she finally kills u or d other way round out of anger (or d children)...u will be doing yourself and the children in particular a whole lot of good.

But it is obvious she needs help...she is your wife and the mother of your children...try one last time to help fix her if she is still fixable.

May God intervene in your marriage.

are u sure this lady is not cheating on you ?
people are facing problem in their home because the foundation of the marriage is not lay on Christ.
any lady u date and sleep with more than one year before marriage, the marriage is tend to break because you have enjoy everything before d marriage.
my dear, go back to God, challenges is bound to happen in life and with God, nothing shall be impossible.
so pray and try to build family alter (where u and your family pray ) every morning and evening. God will take control.

humberjade:
This is the major factor that leads to violence and divorce in marriages these days. You saw the Red Light and you still went on with it.

Well, this is a lesson for those of us that are still single; never assume he or she will change from an extremely bad trait after wedding.... don't be carried away by the love u have for him/her.

As for the OP, for the sake of your children, please sit your wife down one last time and try to figure out what is going on with her...because it is obvious u are not d only one at the receiving end of her bad attitude...it could be as a result of an event she experienced in her childhood....speak with her folks and try to figure out when it all started...If it is from childhood, it's already too late, let her go before she finally kills u or d other way round out of anger (or d children)...u will be doing yourself and the children in particular a whole lot of good.

But it is obvious she needs help...she is your wife and the mother of your children...try one last time to help fix her if she is still fixable.

May God intervene in your marriage.

Amen, thank you OP. But you never sleep ?

I will tell of the experience I had with such a woman.She's a perfect description of what you gave of your wife,forgive me if that did not go well with you.

I was made to run a school in the abscence of the proprietor.The woman I'm talking about is a staff and She was assigned the nursery classes. Shes notorious for her mischievious characters.She's hot headed.She never does duties assigned to her.Rather she prefers to sleep,and leave the children to roam about the class disturbing other pupils taken lessons.Othe times she goes to some of parents to tell them all what we discussed in the staff meeting ,telling the parents how bad the school was.When confronted as to why she does this,she says nothing and goes back to do more.She would take children out without permission from the school management and even buy sweet for them.A parent complained that her child hsd stomach ach as result of the sweet given to her daughter,and warned that such should not repeat it self again otherwise she would be forced to withdral her wards.

I issued her several warnings yet all fell on deaf ears.She respected no one;not even her husband .She talks and insults the husband as she pleases.Family members are not left either.She became hell to both the school and every around her.In fact everything she does were counterproductive,and she's always alone. People keep a distance from her.

Finally i had a fill of her wrong doings and had to release her since she failed to amend her ways after several warnings and pleading to put an end to her mischievious characters.And in a long while,peace returned back to the school once more.She was the architect of all the troubles and complaints we received from parents,and why peace left us awhile.

Poster,I'm sorry to say,she will never change. Her mischievious character is her second nature, and will never change. And if you ever dream of peace again, distance yourself from her.You live a day or two without her presence around you and see if you will not feel that peace that has left you in a long while.

lisbonabdulahi:
we leave in Finland, in the EU, the man always have to go

That's some next level shit! The men allowed the feminazis to ruin they're lives.. So, even if she's at fault, a man will still have to leave? That's some crazy shit.

She is not prefect neither r u but I know u no what 2 do

lisbonabdulahi:
Amen, thank you OP. But you never sleep ?

I am into script writing, and work better at night....I sleep early, wake up around midnight, do some work and head back to bed later.