₦airaland Forum

Things like this make one not to give marriage a second thought.... Thank God for my life.

OGA I understand issue, its simple. Was she like this when u were dating? I think she's an extreme introverted self styled person. u need to be showing her love n understanding. one day she will come around. pls don't kill her, she is still the mother of ur lovely kids. don't report her again, be the Man and pray to ur God. seek for Jesus the owner and Lord of Marriage to minister love to her. pls don't flirt with other women. just be nice to her. I see God helping your wife in Jesus name. God bless u Sir

If this story is true....


Why on earth would CHURCH MEMBERS advice someone to go into a marriage when he/she has sensed what he isn't comfortable with

That kind church members na wah o

Again, of this story is true, go back to those church members to conduct deliverance on this woman

If the deliverance doesn't work just as their advice didn't work, my brother DIVORCE HER

Do you think you will go to hell when you divorce her?

ABEG DIVORCE HER O JAHRAY....

MizMyColi:
The worst thing that can happen to a man is to live with a woman who has no love, thoughtless and inconsiderate.

A man cannot change a woman, neither can a woman change a man.

When you get married to a human being, you need to understand that your marriage will not work unless you are ready to invest heavily in the virtues of love and kindness.

It pays to be open.
It pays to have a heart that is willing to let go.

I guess the woman harbors a lot of unforgiveness and hate in her heart.
She needs to become aware. She needs to connect with her truest and purest self.

Dear OP, I don't know how you will do it, but I think you have endured long enough.

Try to engage in things that make you happy.
Pray, seek divine counsel on what to do.

I will advise that you make peace with your current situation and try to avoid the negativity, all kinds of negativity.

I wish you well Sir.

Will you Marry me?

lalanice:
I've read a similar story before, makes me feel this story is made up.

i dont think its made up cos thats exactly what happened to me before i got seperated 3yrs ago.

[quote author=meemeetruth post=57939318]Lemme comman b goin na so I advice wan my frnd not to b monitoring ha husband cos she dey cry say him dey carry woman now d guy dey vex for me cos dem don use me settle for bed bt OP sure say u innocent?[/quote Before God and men, this is d story. I even avoided some nasty silly and disgraceful parts]

madjune:
The woman is going through what's called,
"Mid life crisis"

OP, how old are you?

39, she is 34

PaperLace:
This is what happens when you try to do the job of a therapist.

Marriage is not a rehabilitation centre for dysfunctional people _ don't go marrying people with the plans of changing them in marriage.

I pity the innocent kids you brought into all this, such emotional trauma from a mother that should be loving. I won't say you should divorce her, but I am very concerned about the well being of your kids. The way she lashes out at them with insults isn't good for their psyche. I am sure you know that. You owed them the duty of getting he best mum, something you've failed on. You might wanna consider removing them from that environment for the time being _till you fix the mess you created.

Encourage her to go for counselling, something you should have advised her to do 11yrs ago, instead you put a ring on it.
That woman needs to heal.

Pls I need such counselors here in Lag Or Abj, plz can u guys list some good not so expensive 1s

I have no advice or sympathy for the poster. People like him deserve the hell they go through.

He must have ignored all the warnings, pleas, advice from friends and family concerning the woman.

I've seen your type plenty. Dumb lot

mastasam:
what a pity. where do you ppl stay I mean rented apartment or personal house. who pays d rent or who built d house. n who is d bread winner in d house. above questions r to help me advice you tanx

I am the bread winner, we have our house. But I bought it. We live in Finland

You give her too much attention.
If you have the liver, stay away for 1 week.

Although am not married but i have been opportuned to deal with people like her b4.....
For the malice aspect, anytime she is keeping malice with you, make sure u don't try talking to her back, wat u just ve to do is get a good gospel music or any music that makes you happy, and dance like david dance, be happy at the slightest of thing,even her insult but don't try to talk to her at all. one thing about this kind of people is dat, dey realize themselve when they notice u r happy without them and they are no more significant.
For the kids, play with them the more, make them comfortable with you, win their love, ask them about their day, take them out without her, put smile on their face, correct them when u need to correct them, and before u know it, u and ur children become more like a team, a team she will love to be part of.

for the sex it is not hard, so far u re sure u paid her bride price, and thank GOD u have access to her kitchen and food, buy correct sleeping medicine, just get her to take it by crook means, then when she is asleep run her for as long as u want

fluxbush:
Hmmm.. This is not good. She knows you can't divorce her as easily over there as you would down here. Now I get why you are scared of messing up and thrown out of the house. Tread carefully. Your wife seems smart. Ask her,beg her even, to go for counseling. If she still refuses,then it's time to up your game. Get a lawyer secretly who will advise you on how to get custody of your kids and assets. Go underground and get tangible proof that she is abusive to you and the kids,even if you have to put a secret camera at home. You could also look for witnesses to testify against her. All these should be done in secret. When you are ready,hit her with the divorce papers and walk away a happy man.


N.B: All these will work if you even have a tangible means of income. I hope she is not the sole breadwinner, if not you don enter one chance. OYO be your case.

Op, take this advice, start preparing for divorce, start gathering evidence, a recorded conversation, sms, dna etc. Ur wife wants divorce but want u to initiate it, she's taking advantage of the laws over there that favor women.
Get an experienced Nigerian lawyer to advise u, n don't do anything stupid, like hit her. Is she Nigerian?

Google narcissistic personality and there you would find your answer, and you would know exactly how to live with her

lisbonabdulahi:
Hello Nairalanders, please I need you advice before I finally end this marriage.
I know I was at fault at the beginning for not stamping my authority , I showed her so much love, because she is a product of a broken home, I wanted her to know there is much more to life, now she has turned my love to foolishness, I do not want my kids to grow up without a father. That is why I have been very patient, but now … please read on.

I have been married for 11 years, with 4 kids. The truth is that we have never had really peace in the home for these years, everything is trouble, from the way I talk, eat, dress, use the toilet and sleep, just name them. The situation has been bad from the beginning, but the last three years has been hell for me and the kids, my wife shouts and complain over everything, she cannot go one full day with Joy, there is always one thing that annoys her, she has to be right on all issues, The very sad part is that whenever she does anything wrong and I ask her, there will be trouble, she will refuse to speak with me for as long as she like. We can go for weeks without really speaking with each other she enjoys it, she does not just bother at all. Each time these things happen, I am always the one that try to initiate peace.

I will like to give only one example to summarise everything going on in my home: two years ago, she will just leave the home without telling me, I called her and told her it is not right, she replied me promptly that it is her life, I can’t control her, and it is my life as well, I should do whatever I like with it. well I thought it was anger, however, I never mind, anytime I want to leave, I make sure I tell her till one day she called me and tell me that even if I keep informing her about my movements, that she is not going to change, she is not under any obligation to tell me where she is going to. My people, for two years counting now, that is how we have been doing it, we just leave without telling each other. BUT OCCASSIONALLY FOR SOME REASONS I DON’T KNOW, SHE WILL JUST TELL ME SHE IS GOING OUT TO XYZ.

She always insults me and even the kids, for any mistake they make and she never fails to tell them that they did not inherit their bad character from her, that they inherited their character from me, she says this consistently even when I am there. There is no insult she has not poured on me, I have had to explain to her mother severally but the woman is simply helpless, her mother is dead scared of her. She exhibited some of these characters during our two years of courtship, but her mother and some brethren advised that she will change after marriage. She is always complaining of being tired, meanwhile, I do the dishes, do the vacuuming (sweeping), cleaning and other domestic duties, even when she cooks, I have to cut the ingredients and all that, in short she rarely cooks. We sleep in different rooms for 4 years counting now, occasionally I try to go to her room to initiate sex, but 99% of cases she chase me away, sometime she locks her door. She stopped me from sleeping in same room with her, when I asked why, shy did not say anything but after 4 months she said it was because I was snoring at night. Trust me anytime I am opportune to make love to her I make sure she climaxes…

It is so bad that even her sisters sometimes rebuke her in my presence, presently, she is not in talking terms with any of her siblings, and this has been on for the past three years. I am stuck with this lady, her mother cannot talk to her, no family member she respects. She is a loner.
To the extent that she makes friends and they always break up, she has no real close friends, even if they are close, trust me, before 6 months the relationship has gone sour.

This is terrible. Divorce her and get a better woman, the one that would respect and complement you; remember you need peace of mind and concentration to make heaven.

PatriotTemidayo:
Chief, consider the opportunity cost before you do anything. But even if you wouldn't break up with her, you have to take a bold step that will put her in check and put her ego down.

Except if there's something terrible you did to her in the past, you dont deserve this kind of heartlessness.

I mentioned opportunity cost earlier. Can you handle for kids? Or do you want to leave the kids with such woman? If you do, in two years time, those kids will never want to hear your name again. She'll poison their minds, and for the rest of your life, you'll be struggling to re-establish connection with your kids to no avail.

However, you have to put her in her place by doing either of the three things:

1. LOCK HER OUT: During one of the holiday seasons, take your kids away from town, lock your doors (Make sure she has no access) and never answer her calls until after two weeks. Deprive her of what she's taken for granted and see if she'll be humble.

2. Send a letter of notification for divorce to any of her living family. Clearly state how long you've endured in silence and why you cannot endure a day more.

3. Show her so much love, make provisions for her and sit her down when she's happy and tell her if she want a divorce. See her reaction and if she says YES, be the first to send the letter of notification for divorce to both of your families and make sure you USE SCARCITY TO CREATE EFFECT. Do not answer anyone's call for at least 4 days. Let the heat be on her for those days and let her lie and set credibility trap for herself. By the time you speak up to whomever, all her lies and line of defense will crumble and you'll make her humble.

4. Stop bothering her. Leave her alone. Watch her do all her craze and don't be moved. I dont this is not easy, but it is very effective. When you ignore a busy body, they want to kill themselves. It is your attention and apt concerns that has embolden het thus far. Before you start ignoring her, call her and tell her "FROM THIS MOMENT, YOU CAN DO EVERYTHING YOU WANT. GO EVERYWHERE YOU WANT AND YOU'RE ON YOUR OWN". After few days of successfully ignoring her, you'll start noticing a rather remorse face.

Other people can add to this list, it is inexhaustible.

But I wish you luck.

At your spare time,
Follow: Hearticleoflove..com

..............love is a beautiful thing.

Thanks

oshorstan:
OGA I understand issue, its simple. Was she like this when u were dating? I think she's an extreme introverted self styled person. u need to be showing her love n understanding. one day she will come around. pls don't kill her, she is still the mother of ur lovely kids. don't report her again, be the Man and pray to ur God. seek for Jesus the owner and Lord of Marriage to minister love to her. pls don't flirt with other women. just be nice to her. I see God helping your wife in Jesus name. God bless u Sir

Except you don't have experience in these issues or you're just being nice!

Jesus never saves any marriage. I've seen couple fight physically at the parking lot after marriage counseling in a church.

Some people are simply not to be married. I have about 3 friends like this with the sme issue.

They igbored warnings from friends and family. Went on to marry horrible women and it ended one way.

The women left them. They always leave at the end. And they don't take the kids.

OP. It's a matter of time. Your wife will leave.. I've seen this alot.

I can bet with my life that the OP us a quiet but stubborn resolute person who does what he wants at the end. All these advice is going to the lagoon.

That's how he got himself here.

If she goes diabolical. You're finished!

I doubt if there is a remedy for a heart without love...whatever it is, do not be consumed by the hate. But if you already are, God help you.

I don't and can't giv a wumahn such space to derail my joy even her p**sy is Diamond made, bros u Bleep up frm d onset

PaperLace:
This is what happens when you try to do the job of a therapist.

Marriage is not a rehabilitation centre for dysfunctional people _ don't go marrying people with the plans of changing them in marriage.

I pity the innocent kids you brought into all this, such emotional trauma from a mother that should be loving. I won't say you should divorce her, but I am very concerned about the well being of your kids. The way she lashes out at them with insults isn't good for their psyche. I am sure you know that. You owed them the duty of getting he best mum, something you've failed on. You might wanna consider removing them from that environment for the time being _till you fix the mess you created.

Encourage her to go for counselling, something you should have advised her to do 11yrs ago, instead you put a ring on it.
That woman needs to heal.

Always on the first page. Always the first to rush to the kitchen to dish out food they cant/didn't cook. Most of you Nairaland half-baked and insincere counselors might actually be worse than the nasty stories we're regaled with on a daily basis on this forum.

FortuneTeller:
lisbonabdulahi

Do you work? Do you have a job? That makes everything worse. Honestly it's her personality and she isn't going to change. I have the same personality and my hubby has learned to deal with it. If he wants to leave, he can but I still won't change. He just laughs and waits for his dinner most days.

, waits for his dinner?, well the last time I was served a meal was in 2012

@OP

If even half of what you say is true, you are a fool indeed to still be in that marriage.

You have just one life and you're wasting it being unhappy.

Even worse, you have harmed your own children by aiding and abetting the deliberate trauma inflicted on them by their mother. These children may be permanently scarred because you're too weak to do what must be done.


Ignore all the advice you'll get here on putting things in prayer or consulting pastors or showing her more love. These have clearly not worked so far.

Stop abusing yourself and the children and either separate from her - taking the kids with you - or file for a divorce.

lisbonabdulahi:
Hello Nairalanders, please I need you advice before I finally end this marriage.
I know I was at fault at the beginning for not stamping my authority , I showed her so much love, because she is a product of a broken home, I wanted her to know there is much more to life, now she has turned my love to foolishness, I do not want my kids to grow up without a father. That is why I have been very patient, but now … please read on.

I have been married for 11 years, with 4 kids. The truth is that we have never had really peace in the home for these years, everything is trouble, from the way I talk, eat, dress, use the toilet and sleep, just name them. The situation has been bad from the beginning, but the last three years has been hell for me and the kids, my wife shouts and complain over everything, she cannot go one full day with Joy, there is always one thing that annoys her, she has to be right on all issues, The very sad part is that whenever she does anything wrong and I ask her, there will be trouble, she will refuse to speak with me for as long as she like. We can go for weeks without really speaking with each other she enjoys it, she does not just bother at all. Each time these things happen, I am always the one that try to initiate peace.

I will like to give only one example to summarise everything going on in my home: two years ago, she will just leave the home without telling me, I called her and told her it is not right, she replied me promptly that it is her life, I can’t control her, and it is my life as well, I should do whatever I like with it. well I thought it was anger, however, I never mind, anytime I want to leave, I make sure I tell her till one day she called me and tell me that even if I keep informing her about my movements, that she is not going to change, she is not under any obligation to tell me where she is going to. My people, for two years counting now, that is how we have been doing it, we just leave without telling each other. BUT OCCASSIONALLY FOR SOME REASONS I DON’T KNOW, SHE WILL JUST TELL ME SHE IS GOING OUT TO XYZ.

She always insults me and even the kids, for any mistake they make and she never fails to tell them that they did not inherit their bad character from her, that they inherited their character from me, she says this consistently even when I am there. There is no insult she has not poured on me, I have had to explain to her mother severally but the woman is simply helpless, her mother is dead scared of her. She exhibited some of these characters during our two years of courtship, but her mother and some brethren advised that she will change after marriage. She is always complaining of being tired, meanwhile, I do the dishes, do the vacuuming (sweeping), cleaning and other domestic duties, even when she cooks, I have to cut the ingredients and all that, in short she rarely cooks. We sleep in different rooms for 4 years counting now, occasionally I try to go to her room to initiate sex, but 99% of cases she chase me away, sometime she locks her door. She stopped me from sleeping in same room with her, when I asked why, shy did not say anything but after 4 months she said it was because I was snoring at night. Trust me anytime I am opportune to make love to her I make sure she climaxes…

It is so bad that even her sisters sometimes rebuke her in my presence, presently, she is not in talking terms with any of her siblings, and this has been on for the past three years. I am stuck with this lady, her mother cannot talk to her, no family member she respects. She is a loner.
To the extent that she makes friends and they always break up, she has no real close friends, even if they are close, trust me, before 6 months the relationship has gone sour.

brother, if ll these things u said about her is true, sorry to inform you that you havent gotten yourself a wife... well, God tried showing u the signs during ur courtship but u ignored.. deed has been done.. my advice to u is that u get urself a second wife and dont hide it from her.. get urse;f a good woman not a stone.. maybe when she sees rivary she will have sense.. and pls learn to take charge, u sound too weak

obiksam:
Correct this is a good one.

Thanks Man.

lisbonabdulahi:
Thanks

Its a pleasure.

Guyman02:
advising her to go for counseling is like adding more fuel to fire, she believes nothing is wrong with her but him the husband. I tried that myself with my wife who behaves almost similar to @OPs wife and it was accusations that I want to tell her that she is mad?

You and the OP are a disgrace to men. In fact the comments of both of you makes me mad. What kind of weakling are you guys? You go out to work, pay bills, provide for the family yet your wife controls the home? You guys even beg before having sex? Is marriage by force? Is there a trophy to be earned in marriage? Why can't you be a man and kick her ass out? Millions of sane women are out there looking to be at least 2nd wife. Yet u weaklings are sounding like a pusssy ass nigga. It's good to be a strict man and enforce your authority. The day a woman tries all this shit with me marks the end of the marriage. I don't care the number of kids we have. You people are shameless men. I'm sure you're training bastard children cos DNA test will reveal that your wife had belle for men who are man enough. Not pusssies like you

Daboomb:
All these silly grown "BOYS" that should still be under their Parents, learning how to deal with a relationship, forming "I am married"!
If after all what you stated, you dont know what to do and you are coming online to ask for advice, then you dont even deserve to be married in the first place.

Nonsense, manufactured stories

I think of all the people that commented, I have learnt some lessons. Thanks for your thoughts any way. But what will be my gain for manufacturing this events.

Heineken:
Nawao....things dey happen sha. Make God no give us bad wife.

Amen for you, but be very carefull

Bad market

MizMyColi:
The worst thing that can happen to a man is to live with a woman who has no love, thoughtless and inconsiderate.

A man cannot change a woman, neither can a woman change a man.

When you get married to a human being, you need to understand that your marriage will not work unless you are ready to invest heavily in the virtues of love and kindness.

It pays to be open.
It pays to have a heart that is willing to let go.

I guess the woman harbors a lot of unforgiveness and hate in her heart.
She needs to become aware. She needs to connect with her truest and purest self.

Dear OP, I don't know how you will do it, but I think you have endured long enough.

Try to engage in things that make you happy.
Pray, seek divine counsel on what to do.

I will advise that you make peace with your current situation and try to avoid the negativity, all kinds of negativity.

I wish you well Sir.

If ure married, ur hubby must be a happy man. Dis days its scarce to find ladies with wisdom like dis. Ure one dat prov 31:26 refers to. Keep it up

oshorstan:
OGA I understand issue, its simple. Was she like this when u were dating? I think she's an extreme introverted self styled person. u need to be showing her love n understanding. one day she will come around. pls don't kill her, she is still the mother of ur lovely kids. don't report her again, be the Man and pray to ur God. seek for Jesus the owner and Lord of Marriage to minister love to her. pls don't flirt with other women. just be nice to her. I see God helping your wife in Jesus name. God bless u Sir

Thanks and Amen

lisbonabdulahi:
I think of all the people that commented, I have learnt some lessons. Thanks for your thoughts any way. But what will be my gain for manufacturing this events.

What has been your gain In scarring your kids for life?