₦airaland Forum

Seriously what do you expect from two strangers.. my first and 2nd year was tough...but we passed that stage without letting any family intervention ruined us.

like my friend always say....when his wife starts raking and shouting...he just keeps dozing and dozing and dozing till he sleeps off...and start yawning right there in the parlour...nobody will tell that lady to stop..Lol.

Please if you can't sleep just move out..do not beat her, ignore her...better way to handle women than slapping her..please no perfect marriage embrace your wife..work hard to make more money she will never misbehave again...This is just a phase it will be history tomorrow.

Pls go and meet her dad and tell him every thing that his daughter is been doing, tell him to advice his daughter as you are becoming fed up with the marriage. If after telling her dad she did not still change her character threatened her or start a divorce proceedings and see if she will come back to her senses. If the doesn't behave divorce her, if not she will make you suffer high BP. May God help you.

Op i was thinking i will see something more serious.but all i can see is:

U said said u rushed her into marriage (so who will groom her for u).
She married u albeit ur financial statue( i bet u her type is rare and she loves u to do that),
why marry when u aren't financially stable.
U complain too much like a woman
u are immature.
U are a fault finder.
Ur expectations are too much.
U are childish for bringing u martial issues to social media that wrecks marriages.
Justin 2yrs u are thinking sending her away because u are impatient.
Do Y thinking any marriage is perfect?
Y slapped her once u think that solve the problem dont be surprised when u turn her onto a monster.

Listen to the matured minds and WORK on ur marriage be a MAN.

That was how my bro was complaining abt his wife till we found out that he is the problem.

Well the mistake has been done because two of you didn't court before going into the marriage issue. My Advise for you is to get patient towards her with prayer there would be healing in your marriage.

Papiikush:
Bro, you opened pandora's box! You married the devil

I don't even know where to start from? Were you not in any form of relationship/courtship with her before marriage?

How come you never saw traits of a walking time bomb? This is scary. I had so appropriately to read this "50 shades of problem" carefully. Lord help me never to marry a woman like this I will dump her and flee the country I swear.

Bad news for you is; you signed a "for better for worse" contract which lasts forever (divorce is not the case here Cuz you will have to face the law if you did a court wedding).

You will get so many advices here (the good, bad and ugly) but the right step to take is seeing a Marriage counselor.

You need to take a bold step and hold this lion by the tail

This is literally the stupidest advice/comment I've ever read. You jumped to conclusion base on this biased, one sided sorry. Any doofus that can read in between lines knows there is more to this than op is telling.
You have to listen to the wife's side of the story before making conclusion.
My friend, you will make a terrible leader, and definitely a bad husband.
Op, please desist from unintelligent advice such as this. You need a marriage counsellor. Make sure you say all these in the presence of your wife to the counsellor, and ensure that your wife say her part too. That's the first part towards "rescuing" marriage.
Always remember, the aim should not be to apportion blames but to solve your marital crisis.
Cheers!

i have no respect for any lady that threaten me ........last time my girlfriend threaten to leave she said "Bwaal i want a break" i told her straight off "you can go on holiday because i dont care" ladies are full of shits when dey know you love dem they act stupid............she know you love her thats why she behaves like that reduce all the care and attention dont help with house chore anymore
if she didnt cook dont feel concern
if she try engage you into a fight ignore her
if she hit you reset her with good slap

do this for a week and see what happens women like it when you threat them like an animal
mark my word

i am not married tho..................................................................................................................................................................................................................

I quite simpathise with u my brother! But never again will u lay ur hands on ur wife no matter d level of provocation. Best option is just to leave d scene. For ur father inlaw, do not allow any one influence ur family negatively and do not allow any treat u with any form of ignominy bc of ur financial status. Explain to him her daughter willingly abandoned her job against ur advice. Equally let him know u r a man and u have d best decission to make for ur family.

Seat ur wife down and talk to her. Let her kno it's d duty of u both to make d marriage work. Do not look down on her and or have issues with ur father inlaw. U can make ur wife treat u like a king. Ignore her negativity and show her love. Always correct her with love, do not nag and or shout at her, respect her and show her love.

She is ur wife treat her with love, buy her gifts even with ur meager wage, however small d gift always remind her how beautiful she is and how much u love and cherish her. She can love u to d moon and will b ready to die for u.

And d worst that can happen to marriage is for d couple to compare themself with each other. Show respect to each other.

My earnest prayer is ur marriage work. May God rekindle that love once again in ur home and keep ur home one, in Jesus name. Amen.

Evaberry:
you are a MAn who is wicked and selfish

just because she refused to become your slave you tag her lazy.. you don't deserve her.
you even slapped her yet she didn't leave you.



you complain too much!!!!

your marriage palava is not our business or wahala.
.
we didn't fuvk her with you!!!!

Babe, your blood dey hot oo

hedonistic:
Na wa o. Why this heavy emphasis on money. It's the reason why relationships and marriages in this part of the world are a huge joke, rooted in deception, materialism, and artificiality.

So, assuming I have "financial stability" today, in the sense that I have a good job, and get married. What if I lose that job a year later and can't get another one soon enough? Does that mean that my marriage is doomed? Or that I was stupid for getting married without being assured of a lifetime of bottomless money?

It is scary. There are so many shallow people out there or perhaps people not matured enough to be in marriages. Just a quick question for them. So rich people don't have marital problems. I don't even want to start making a mental note of this.

We go into marriage for the wrong reasons. Communication is key. Talk of everything before you get married no boundaries. I just like your analogy. You said something I have experienced likewise many I know. If you have a very good source of income and calamity suddenly befalls you then your marriage should hit the rocks.

People should get married to thier friends. Settle your problems. Talk talk talk never stop talking. Leave third parties out

iamloyalty:
Op i was thinking i will see something more serious.but all i can see is:

U said said u rushed her into marriage (so who will groom her for u).
She married u albeit ur financial statue( i bet u her type is rare and she loves u to do that),
why marry when u aren't financially stable.
U complain too much like a woman
u are immature.
U are a fault finder.
Ur expectations are too much.
U are childish for bringing u martial issues to social media that wrecks marriages.
Justin 2yrs u are thinking sending her away because u are impatient.
Do Y thinking any marriage is perfect?
Y slapped her once u think that solve the problem dont be surprised when u turn her onto a monster.

Listen to the matured minds and WORK on ur marriage be a MAN.

That was how my bro was complaining abt his wife till we found out that he is the problem.

what is this one saying

Evaberry:
you are a MAn who is wicked and selfish

just because she refused to become your slave you tag her lazy.. you don't deserve her.
you even slapped her yet she didn't leave you.



you complain too much!!!!

your marriage palava is not our business or wahala.
.
we didn't fuvk her with you!!!!

Shut the fùck up! You're so immature. I can't wish my worst enemy to marry you.

Take your parents to her family and tell them everything you said here. Tell them to council her to CHANGE if not you returning her so that you don't die young.

Acecube:
how much are you earning oga... coz I keep seeing you and this your site

Lol.. My worth is classified. Lemme just say, I've retired and just having fun, craving to make impact in any little way I can.

I tell you solemnly, if I don't find any humble woman on this earth, I will remain single

Prognose:
I read the whole thing.
You're not alone bro. The problems you're having is the same kind of problems married people have at this stage of their marriage. This is the setting limits stage. This is where you both draw the line on things you can tolerate and things you won't allow no matter what. This is the stage where you show the kind of man you are and your wife will likewise adapt as a woman. Your problem is nothing out of the ordinary that others in these phase of marriage have experienced.


You didn't see all these flaws in her initially because you were deeply in love with her then. You may have even noticed some of these things but pushed them aside. But now the euphoria of love have gone and both of you are seeing yourselves live and direct. It's not a new thing bros, trust me.

So she nags. Almost all women nag, some nag worse than others. It is kind of your job to be patient with her as the man. Pls try and control your temper, this is what will make you matured and will separate u from being a boy. When she shouts and talks ceaselessly find a way to leave the environment or ignore her, depending on the type u can do. Over time she will learn to control herself.
Her controlling herself and reducing her nagging and your not getting enraged to be slapping her shows that you are both coming of age in the marriage and are understanding each other and becoming mature.


Do you want her to go back to her job? Remember she is pregnant (for the first time) and in a delicate and scared state. She is quite vulnerable right now with the changes going on in her body. Your job at this time is to be as supportive as you can. I don't mean you should become her slave but try and give her more rope when she misbehaves. It gets worse at three to six months of age and then she should start returning back to normal.

Set a boundary for her father. The fact that he has cut the phone on you once is enough to piss you off. He's not married to her, you are. If he calls again tell him politely that this is your family and you have your own plans for your wife. If you don't have the mind to do this then u can just ignore him instead. This is your wife now, he should stop butting in.

Find a job for her to do, no matter how little. Also don't give up on yourself. Every married couple went through this stage, it is those that come out of it that last. If you break up now, what's to say in your next marriage u won't break up again at the first sign of difficulty. Your a postgraduate man, you should be more mature and patient bro.

Find an older married couple you can talk to for advice. Not online o. A respectable married couple or couples preferably from the generation before ours let them tell you what they've been through themselves. Marriage is hard work and the more work you put into it the sweeter it becomes.

Cheers bro.

your advice is longer dan d post, kilode?

[quote author=Evaberry post=58527356]you are a MAn who is wicked and selfish

just because she refused to become your slave you tag her lazy.. you don't deserve her.
you even slapped her yet she didn't leave you.



you complain too much!!!!

your marriage palava is not our business or wahala.
.
we didn't fuvk her with you!!!!


You are a senseless Bitch
He needed just an advice yet u open ur toilet to insult him?

Bluestreams:
Profile: 10yrs old Nlander, Postgrad, 32yrs old, 2 yrs old in marriage with a 1yr old son.

Pls kindly read patiently and advice me if I am wrong and also what to do if my spouse is the problem. Thanks.

I got married as the first child out of two and my family (mother) really supported me financially. At this time, I didnt have any salary job neither do I have any contracts running as I do pest control and landscaping services and other small legal hustles. I met my wife who is a civil servant and we fell inlove and I never hid my financial or employment status from her. Shortly before my wedding (I was also job hunting for a better job) I got an interview in a top oil and gas firm in the country by insider recommendation, and being the only one invited I felt I've gotten it. My fiancé started telling her sibs that I'm already a staff which I frowned at because I've not received any appointment letter. This she was doing in "faith" anyway. Subsequently, I was never called for that job again and by this time we were already married. Prior to this time, I got a slightly less than 50k job in a bank and after a few months my fiancé pressed me to resign athough that job was stressful and in another state where I neither had family nor friends.

We got married then the issues began.
I noticed my wife is the type of woman thats slow (I'll not use the word lazy). She cant keep up with my pace when we walk, she can't clean the house daily, she'll prefer I do the house chores while she watches tv and all. We were in honey moon so I didn't have a problem with that, and more over I enjoy such chores and I am a good cook. By this time her salary was dropping and we were living on it coupled with whatever income that comes from me from my business (my wife isn't stingy with her funds and neither am I).

Our problems started when she became pregnant just a months after wedding. She became super slow due to the preggy and I had to do like every every due to the initial sickness and all. Also, I noticed my wife doesn't know how to talk to people. She isnt rude or insolent but she can argue blindly and just keeps talking. She talks too much and doesn't know how to ignore things. She will say she likes speaking her mind, even though I adviced her that she will have lots of enemies by that lifestyle.

My parents live in the same town with me but hers are in the village. If things gets a bit rough I do visit the family shop and pick things on credit and pay later. This happens only when I'm low on budget.

After our honey moon, my wife refused to go back to work (her station is in another state) although she has been complaining that she doesn't like the job (her father helped secure it). Since she couldnt travel she kept calling the offixe and they were still paying her, only for some of her seniors whom she isn't in good terms with write against her and her salary stopped coming in. By this time I had to up my game and started husting harder. God another low paying job which didn't last and I continued with my biz. I lost the job because of lateness due to taking care of a pregnant wife and so on. In fact I lost 2 other jobs of same nature and wasn't bothered because they pay was very poor anyway.

When my wife put to birth, my mother (as hers is late) asked her to stay at our family house for a week,so she can look after her because I was still working at this time and my mother's business and other engagements is just around the house, my wife refused. Infact its not the refusal that touched me but the attitude she put up. Shortly after then I needed to relocate to a new aprtment and asked her to go over to the family house with the baby so I can move things which she did and the outcome of that visit was a heated quarrel with my mother. She accused her of telling my church members not to visit her after childbirth (my house is very far from the church) and even though it was a lie and I told her to shut up she kept on talking so many trash.

At home I cant talk to my wife and she keeps quiet. The will tell me to shut up to my face and one one occasion I landed her a small slap which left an eye bloodshot and this ended the shutup episode. Often times, if I talk she will raise her voice.

Four months after my wedding her father called me sounding angry and asking me why my wife is still with me, why she hadn't gone back to the state where she works, I overlooked. Some months back late last year, he repeated the same thing and even dropped the phone on me and just a week ago it happened again. My wife have refused to go back to work saying she will rather start a particular type of biz (which I'm trying to setup for her) but her family is talking behind my back all manner of absurd things.

My wife and I have been having our own bouts due to her attitude. I don't talk to neighbours again as she confided in one and laid bare exclusive family secrets and they had a quarrel and in front of my landlord, my neighbour spilled the beans and I felt so ashamed. My wife's salary has been stopped for over a year now and I have been solely the bread winner. I even got a car recently and uses it for transport to support other income.

My wife can nag about everything, she can wake me by 3am over petty things so I stopped sleeping in our bedroom and now sleeps in the guest room. If she's angry she'll not wash plates I eat with. This is someone I always wash her clothes and my with the machine since I married her. But she can hardly do same. If she cleans the house its favour and she'll keep murmuring. If we have an argument she'll start shouting, abusing my whole family and stuff.

This morning we had a quarrel and my wife told me I cant even take care of my family to provide for her, talking how she's leaving (she always tells me she'll leave and I've made it clear I'll gladly wait for that day).

I have been thinking about everything myself, since I married things have not really improved. Maybe I really made a wrong choice or rushed things (as I now believe), so I am planning on sending her away soon and them take me dad and kinsmen to her father (as is the culture in my place) for him to either caution his daughter or take her back because I might really injure her out of anger one day.

This is my last effort to save this marriage . I have only slapped her once in 2 yrs.
I feel I should seek matured advice from experienced people here as I know I might be right in my own eyes.
I really don't know what else to do.

PS: I'll answer any questions you might ask me. Forgive any typo. Thanks.

this is so sad and depressing. it's also complicated because of the baby. My advice to u is take a break from each other for a while and see how things go from there. don't talk about divorce now. on a spiritual note, she needs serious deliverance and counselling.

Evaberry:
you are a MAn who is wicked and selfish

just because she refused to become your slave you tag her lazy.. you don't deserve her.
you even slapped her yet she didn't leave you.



you complain too much!!!!

your marriage palava is not our business or wahala.
.
we didn't fuvk her with you!!!!

Op I'm 99.9% sure that your wife is behind this moniker

Kondomatic:
In the part of the world where I come from, when couples start having issues like this, the first step is to invite someone she respects. Let the person talk to her and advise both of you on how to live with each other.

An a experienced man or woman not your pastor. A pastor may claim to be a good counselor but a pastor is a pastor and counselor is a counselor.

If that fails then report to elders back home, that's why we have them.

If that fails too then time to separate. Someone people will never know the value of what they have until it becomes what they had.

I wish you best of luck in your marriage and I want you to continue being the man you're. It is just unfortunate that two good people hardly fall in love.

Please don't call Pastor
Your problem might double if you call pastor

VampireeM:
From your write up it's seems your wife is getting tired of the marriage for her to be threatening to leave you.
IMO, I think the root of your family issue is lack of finance, incompatibility and lack of communication. Frustrations from both sides. You shouldn't have gotten married when you not financially stable.
Bluestreams, I think you and your wife needs to have a quiet for yourselves alone ie spend time with each other alone. You both have a heart to heart conversation and tell each other what and what you don't like or can tolerate from one another, how you both can improve and make your marriage stronger.
It takes two to tango and its only you both that can do that. COMMUNICATION is a vital ingredient needed for any marriage or relationship to work.

I couldn't have said it any better myself. big ups

Bluestreams:
Profile: 10yrs old Nlander, Postgrad, 32yrs old, 2 yrs old in marriage with a 1yr old son.

Pls kindly read patiently and advice me if I am wrong and also what to do if my spouse is the problem. Thanks.

I got married as the first child out of two and my family (mother) really supported me financially. At this time, I didnt have any salary job neither do I have any contracts running as I do pest control and landscaping services and other small legal hustles. I met my wife who is a civil servant and we fell inlove and I never hid my financial or employment status from her. Shortly before my wedding (I was also job hunting for a better job) I got an interview in a top oil and gas firm in the country by insider recommendation, and being the only one invited I felt I've gotten it. My fiancé started telling her sibs that I'm already a staff which I frowned at because I've not received any appointment letter. This she was doing in "faith" anyway. Subsequently, I was never called for that job again and by this time we were already married. Prior to this time, I got a slightly less than 50k job in a bank and after a few months my fiancé pressed me to resign athough that job was stressful and in another state where I neither had family nor friends.

We got married then the issues began.
I noticed my wife is the type of woman thats slow (I'll not use the word lazy). She cant keep up with my pace when we walk, she can't clean the house daily, she'll prefer I do the house chores while she watches tv and all. We were in honey moon so I didn't have a problem with that, and more over I enjoy such chores and I am a good cook. By this time her salary was dropping and we were living on it coupled with whatever income that comes from me from my business (my wife isn't stingy with her funds and neither am I).

Our problems started when she became pregnant just a months after wedding. She became super slow due to the preggy and I had to do like every every due to the initial sickness and all. Also, I noticed my wife doesn't know how to talk to people. She isnt rude or insolent but she can argue blindly and just keeps talking. She talks too much and doesn't know how to ignore things. She will say she likes speaking her mind, even though I adviced her that she will have lots of enemies by that lifestyle.

My parents live in the same town with me but hers are in the village. If things gets a bit rough I do visit the family shop and pick things on credit and pay later. This happens only when I'm low on budget.

After our honey moon, my wife refused to go back to work (her station is in another state) although she has been complaining that she doesn't like the job (her father helped secure it). Since she couldnt travel she kept calling the offixe and they were still paying her, only for some of her seniors whom she isn't in good terms with write against her and her salary stopped coming in. By this time I had to up my game and started husting harder. God another low paying job which didn't last and I continued with my biz. I lost the job because of lateness due to taking care of a pregnant wife and so on. In fact I lost 2 other jobs of same nature and wasn't bothered because they pay was very poor anyway.

When my wife put to birth, my mother (as hers is late) asked her to stay at our family house for a week,so she can look after her because I was still working at this time and my mother's business and other engagements is just around the house, my wife refused. Infact its not the refusal that touched me but the attitude she put up. Shortly after then I needed to relocate to a new aprtment and asked her to go over to the family house with the baby so I can move things which she did and the outcome of that visit was a heated quarrel with my mother. She accused her of telling my church members not to visit her after childbirth (my house is very far from the church) and even though it was a lie and I told her to shut up she kept on talking so many trash.

At home I cant talk to my wife and she keeps quiet. The will tell me to shut up to my face and one one occasion I landed her a small slap which left an eye bloodshot and this ended the shutup episode. Often times, if I talk she will raise her voice.

Four months after my wedding her father called me sounding angry and asking me why my wife is still with me, why she hadn't gone back to the state where she works, I overlooked. Some months back late last year, he repeated the same thing and even dropped the phone on me and just a week ago it happened again. My wife have refused to go back to work saying she will rather start a particular type of biz (which I'm trying to setup for her) but her family is talking behind my back all manner of absurd things.

My wife and I have been having our own bouts due to her attitude. I don't talk to neighbours again as she confided in one and laid bare exclusive family secrets and they had a quarrel and in front of my landlord, my neighbour spilled the beans and I felt so ashamed. My wife's salary has been stopped for over a year now and I have been solely the bread winner. I even got a car recently and uses it for transport to support other income.

My wife can nag about everything, she can wake me by 3am over petty things so I stopped sleeping in our bedroom and now sleeps in the guest room. If she's angry she'll not wash plates I eat with. This is someone I always wash her clothes and my with the machine since I married her. But she can hardly do same. If she cleans the house its favour and she'll keep murmuring. If we have an argument she'll start shouting, abusing my whole family and stuff.

This morning we had a quarrel and my wife told me I cant even take care of my family to provide for her, talking how she's leaving (she always tells me she'll leave and I've made it clear I'll gladly wait for that day).

I have been thinking about everything myself, since I married things have not really improved. Maybe I really made a wrong choice or rushed things (as I now believe), so I am planning on sending her away soon and them take me dad and kinsmen to her father (as is the culture in my place) for him to either caution his daughter or take her back because I might really injure her out of anger one day.

This is my last effort to save this marriage . I have only slapped her once in 2 yrs.
I feel I should seek matured advice from experienced people here as I know I might be right in my own eyes.
I really don't know what else to do.

PS: I'll answer any questions you might ask me. Forgive any typo. Thanks.

Come and see let me give you a love charm to tie her down and also a charm to make you get a very good job, I reside in Delta state, if you listen to this call. Your own benefit.

FortuneTeller:
To the moniker above, this is what I was trying to explain to you. You cannot go into a marriage as a poor man and think everything is going to be okay. Times are different and you are setting yourself up for problems. Please go into marriage as a financially stable person if you can. Otherwise you are creating problems for yourself.

,...is either you are correct or not correct,..because I hav seen a couple without money at first early stage of their marriage but are now comfortable,..likewise a couple in money at first stage but ran out of cash as things turn. Around....so the issue here is not about being financially capable but capable. Enough to handle any condition one finds in a marriage and that needs an understanding. Patience and focused couple to achieve that,..pls change your mindset

cristianisraeli:
my advise to you...give it one more year and try to fix things and if after 1year and the whole thing is not working out..please leave and get married to someone else..trust me theres always someone else that is better than her and u will remember this post when the time comes..u guys might not be meant for each other and am sure she will find someone else as well.do not allow the kid u guys have together tie u down.its one life and do not need to live that life in sorrow or pain.again give it 1 more year and decide.thats all...

Op beware of people like this. You think if he marries another one he won't experience these issues in the early stage of marriage. Op develop tolerance. Divorce should never be an option. Calm down and forgive. You list wrongs too much. This is what destroys a marriage. Love keeps no record of wrongs. I was expecting to hear what happen this morning not what happen from the day you got married. If you want to stay in your marriage and be happy learn to forgive and FORGET. You think those people that marry till old age are perfect or near perfect? My dear most of them are worst than your wife. Go to 1 Cor 13 and read. Ask God in prayer to help you and show you how to love your wife. God bless you.

EntMirror:
Lol.. My worth is classified. Lemme just say, I've retired and just having fun, craving to make impact in any little way I can.

please I will really like to learn from you Biko...

Ooooooh Lawd, have mercy on me
Meaning that, this kind of calamity can befall anyone in marriage?

Well in situations like dis,its obvious we shld pray DT God should lift we men higher Dan our wife's in all ramifications, most especially wealth,cos d moment one starts sharing responsibility with ones wife at home,u loose d grip as husband, and every oda issues and non issues becomes a complicated issue.I pray God lift ur hand,d moment u c upliftment in urlife,den u c all issues wuld b resolved amicably by itsef

CrescentMoon:
You have outgrown being a slayqueen, this is obvious from the way you write. This woman has to be given time to grow. Most young women are naturally daft. If it's me, I will simply leave the house for her. I won't raise my finger at her, never! I can't remember me shouting at a woman even in the face of the most spontaneous provocation. God did blessed me with such 'siddon dey look' trait.

Take it easy bro..... I just like your comments... Looks matured thou

Bluestreams:
Profile: 10yrs old Nlander, Postgrad, 32yrs old, 2 yrs old in marriage with a 1yr old son.

Pls kindly read patiently and advice me if I am wrong and also what to do if my spouse is the problem. Thanks.

I got married as the first child out of two and my family (mother) really supported me financially. At this time, I didnt have any salary job neither do I have any contracts running as I do pest control and landscaping services and other small legal hustles. I met my wife who is a civil servant and we fell inlove and I never hid my financial or employment status from her. Shortly before my wedding (I was also job hunting for a better job) I got an interview in a top oil and gas firm in the country by insider recommendation, and being the only one invited I felt I've gotten it. My fiancé started telling her sibs that I'm already a staff which I frowned at because I've not received any appointment letter. This she was doing in "faith" anyway. Subsequently, I was never called for that job again and by this time we were already married. Prior to this time, I got a slightly less than 50k job in a bank and after a few months my fiancé pressed me to resign athough that job was stressful and in another state where I neither had family nor friends.

We got married then the issues began.
I noticed my wife is the type of woman thats slow (I'll not use the word lazy). She cant keep up with my pace when we walk, she can't clean the house daily, she'll prefer I do the house chores while she watches tv and all. We were in honey moon so I didn't have a problem with that, and more over I enjoy such chores and I am a good cook. By this time her salary was dropping and we were living on it coupled with whatever income that comes from me from my business (my wife isn't stingy with her funds and neither am I).

Our problems started when she became pregnant just a months after wedding. She became super slow due to the preggy and I had to do like every every due to the initial sickness and all. Also, I noticed my wife doesn't know how to talk to people. She isnt rude or insolent but she can argue blindly and just keeps talking. She talks too much and doesn't know how to ignore things. She will say she likes speaking her mind, even though I adviced her that she will have lots of enemies by that lifestyle.

My parents live in the same town with me but hers are in the village. If things gets a bit rough I do visit the family shop and pick things on credit and pay later. This happens only when I'm low on budget.

After our honey moon, my wife refused to go back to work (her station is in another state) although she has been complaining that she doesn't like the job (her father helped secure it). Since she couldnt travel she kept calling the offixe and they were still paying her, only for some of her seniors whom she isn't in good terms with write against her and her salary stopped coming in. By this time I had to up my game and started husting harder. God another low paying job which didn't last and I continued with my biz. I lost the job because of lateness due to taking care of a pregnant wife and so on. In fact I lost 2 other jobs of same nature and wasn't bothered because they pay was very poor anyway.

When my wife put to birth, my mother (as hers is late) asked her to stay at our family house for a week,so she can look after her because I was still working at this time and my mother's business and other engagements is just around the house, my wife refused. Infact its not the refusal that touched me but the attitude she put up. Shortly after then I needed to relocate to a new aprtment and asked her to go over to the family house with the baby so I can move things which she did and the outcome of that visit was a heated quarrel with my mother. She accused her of telling my church members not to visit her after childbirth (my house is very far from the church) and even though it was a lie and I told her to shut up she kept on talking so many trash.

At home I cant talk to my wife and she keeps quiet. The will tell me to shut up to my face and one one occasion I landed her a small slap which left an eye bloodshot and this ended the shutup episode. Often times, if I talk she will raise her voice.

Four months after my wedding her father called me sounding angry and asking me why my wife is still with me, why she hadn't gone back to the state where she works, I overlooked. Some months back late last year, he repeated the same thing and even dropped the phone on me and just a week ago it happened again. My wife have refused to go back to work saying she will rather start a particular type of biz (which I'm trying to setup for her) but her family is talking behind my back all manner of absurd things.

My wife and I have been having our own bouts due to her attitude. I don't talk to neighbours again as she confided in one and laid bare exclusive family secrets and they had a quarrel and in front of my landlord, my neighbour spilled the beans and I felt so ashamed. My wife's salary has been stopped for over a year now and I have been solely the bread winner. I even got a car recently and uses it for transport to support other income.

My wife can nag about everything, she can wake me by 3am over petty things so I stopped sleeping in our bedroom and now sleeps in the guest room. If she's angry she'll not wash plates I eat with. This is someone I always wash her clothes and my with the machine since I married her. But she can hardly do same. If she cleans the house its favour and she'll keep murmuring. If we have an argument she'll start shouting, abusing my whole family and stuff.

This morning we had a quarrel and my wife told me I cant even take care of my family to provide for her, talking how she's leaving (she always tells me she'll leave and I've made it clear I'll gladly wait for that day).

I have been thinking about everything myself, since I married things have not really improved. Maybe I really made a wrong choice or rushed things (as I now believe), so I am planning on sending her away soon and them take me dad and kinsmen to her father (as is the culture in my place) for him to either caution his daughter or take her back because I might really injure her out of anger one day.

This is my last effort to save this marriage . I have only slapped her once in 2 yrs.
I feel I should seek matured advice from experienced people here as I know I might be right in my own eyes.
I really don't know what else to do.

PS: I'll answer any questions you might ask me. Forgive any typo. Thanks.

OP u sound very sincere I must say.
Pls don't divorce ur wife. I was once in your shoes with my husband. The bottom line is you guys are newlyweds and don't yet understand each other.

Just endure and give it some time. Trust me it will get better.
Above all commit everything to God.

The first 3-4years of my marriage was pure hell. I'd already told myself I won't stay. I worked with that mentality and it made my situation worse.
The moment I decided to change my perception everything began to change for the better.
If anyone told me I'd enjoy the man I married back then I'd call that person crazy!
But I'm enjoying my marriage now so much. I'm so grateful to God for it.
Hang in there.

My bro, go and read books on marriage. And go to Lord in prayers He will direct ur way.

Bluestreams:
Profile: 10yrs old Nlander, Postgrad, 32yrs old, 2 yrs old in marriage with a 1yr old son.

Pls kindly read patiently and advice me if I am wrong and also what to do if my spouse is the problem. Thanks.

I got married as the first child out of two and my family (mother) really supported me financially. At this time, I didnt have any salary job neither do I have any contracts running as I do pest control and landscaping services and other small legal hustles. I met my wife who is a civil servant and we fell inlove and I never hid my financial or employment status from her. Shortly before my wedding (I was also job hunting for a better job) I got an interview in a top oil and gas firm in the country by insider recommendation, and being the only one invited I felt I've gotten it. My fiancé started telling her sibs that I'm already a staff which I frowned at because I've not received any appointment letter. This she was doing in "faith" anyway. Subsequently, I was never called for that job again and by this time we were already married. Prior to this time, I got a slightly less than 50k job in a bank and after a few months my fiancé pressed me to resign athough that job was stressful and in another state where I neither had family nor friends.

We got married then the issues began.
I noticed my wife is the type of woman thats slow (I'll not use the word lazy). She cant keep up with my pace when we walk, she can't clean the house daily, she'll prefer I do the house chores while she watches tv and all. We were in honey moon so I didn't have a problem with that, and more over I enjoy such chores and I am a good cook. By this time her salary was dropping and we were living on it coupled with whatever income that comes from me from my business (my wife isn't stingy with her funds and neither am I).

Our problems started when she became pregnant just a months after wedding. She became super slow due to the preggy and I had to do like every every due to the initial sickness and all. Also, I noticed my wife doesn't know how to talk to people. She isnt rude or insolent but she can argue blindly and just keeps talking. She talks too much and doesn't know how to ignore things. She will say she likes speaking her mind, even though I adviced her that she will have lots of enemies by that lifestyle.

My parents live in the same town with me but hers are in the village. If things gets a bit rough I do visit the family shop and pick things on credit and pay later. This happens only when I'm low on budget.

After our honey moon, my wife refused to go back to work (her station is in another state) although she has been complaining that she doesn't like the job (her father helped secure it). Since she couldnt travel she kept calling the offixe and they were still paying her, only for some of her seniors whom she isn't in good terms with write against her and her salary stopped coming in. By this time I had to up my game and started husting harder. God another low paying job which didn't last and I continued with my biz. I lost the job because of lateness due to taking care of a pregnant wife and so on. In fact I lost 2 other jobs of same nature and wasn't bothered because they pay was very poor anyway.

When my wife put to birth, my mother (as hers is late) asked her to stay at our family house for a week,so she can look after her because I was still working at this time and my mother's business and other engagements is just around the house, my wife refused. Infact its not the refusal that touched me but the attitude she put up. Shortly after then I needed to relocate to a new aprtment and asked her to go over to the family house with the baby so I can move things which she did and the outcome of that visit was a heated quarrel with my mother. She accused her of telling my church members not to visit her after childbirth (my house is very far from the church) and even though it was a lie and I told her to shut up she kept on talking so many trash.

At home I cant talk to my wife and she keeps quiet. The will tell me to shut up to my face and one one occasion I landed her a small slap which left an eye bloodshot and this ended the shutup episode. Often times, if I talk she will raise her voice.

Four months after my wedding her father called me sounding angry and asking me why my wife is still with me, why she hadn't gone back to the state where she works, I overlooked. Some months back late last year, he repeated the same thing and even dropped the phone on me and just a week ago it happened again. My wife have refused to go back to work saying she will rather start a particular type of biz (which I'm trying to setup for her) but her family is talking behind my back all manner of absurd things.

My wife and I have been having our own bouts due to her attitude. I don't talk to neighbours again as she confided in one and laid bare exclusive family secrets and they had a quarrel and in front of my landlord, my neighbour spilled the beans and I felt so ashamed. My wife's salary has been stopped for over a year now and I have been solely the bread winner. I even got a car recently and uses it for transport to support other income.

My wife can nag about everything, she can wake me by 3am over petty things so I stopped sleeping in our bedroom and now sleeps in the guest room. If she's angry she'll not wash plates I eat with. This is someone I always wash her clothes and my with the machine since I married her. But she can hardly do same. If she cleans the house its favour and she'll keep murmuring. If we have an argument she'll start shouting, abusing my whole family and stuff.

This morning we had a quarrel and my wife told me I cant even take care of my family to provide for her, talking how she's leaving (she always tells me she'll leave and I've made it clear I'll gladly wait for that day).

I have been thinking about everything myself, since I married things have not really improved. Maybe I really made a wrong choice or rushed things (as I now believe), so I am planning on sending her away soon and them take me dad and kinsmen to her father (as is the culture in my place) for him to either caution his daughter or take her back because I might really injure her out of anger one day.

This is my last effort to save this marriage . I have only slapped her once in 2 yrs.
I feel I should seek matured advice from experienced people here as I know I might be right in my own eyes.
I really don't know what else to do.

PS: I'll answer any questions you might ask me. Forgive any typo. Thanks.

You obviously rushed things, bro. NEVER MAKE THAT MISTAKE OF GETTING MARRIED WITHOUT A JOB; THAT REGULAR INCOME MATTERS gaan..

Moreso, you can't push her away. You ought to remember "for better, for worse" so, manage the situation.

CoCoLav:
OP, the only issue is your lack of finance. Women dont enjoy poverty, it takes the grace of God to meet a woman who will stay with you in penury and I think that was in the days of our mothers. These days, with social media, you are easily able to see where your mates are and you start comparing yourselves with them and wondering if you made a mistake. Make money and your wife will respect you again. Living from hand to mouth is making her lose the love she once had for you. Nothing kills love in marriage faster than poverty.

M sorry for ur type of person b/cos u won't last in a man's house,I swear.what stops u from hustling with the man u said I do to,until u both makes it together.didn't u hear when the man said they live in a 2bed apartment has a small car & they feed very well,what else do u expect from a man that has given u all this,may be until he buys a range rover that is when u 'll agree he has made money.

You neva chop beleful, you go marry even worse you brought a child in and you are worried about what your wife's family is saying? You were living a life of debt, married on credit, and hope hope ...but HOPE IS NOT A PLAN, NEVER IS, WAS, NOR WILL IT EVER BE. Tough luck guy. PS. Your wife isn't the problem, your finances and financial management is and it seems you haven't realised that. They say it's better late than never but now you have a child and wife

** And you are thinking of sending the mother of your 1 year old son away? How shameless can you get? You better start being responsible for your actions. You expect your wife to be happy with your situation, you are you happy with your financial recklessness? Fix up my friend.