I was getting tired of reading how the wife was, I decided to scroll up again to how they were during courtship.





I saw nothing. The dude was so in love with a beauty

@ Op, you guys need counselling. But first, is she even willing to make the marriage work ?

Be honest...these things didn't just manifest overnight, they have been there all along.

You just chose to ignore them cos she was dropping her salary and you were hoping she would change after marriage.

News flash!!!

People, especially adults who are already set in their ways don't change.

I'm afraid you'll either have to bear her the way she is or walk away from the marriage...it's your call!

Ok

Na wa o, this is serious

its normal with biafran and ipob women. try getting an afonja.
omg i just forgot afonja own even bad pass.
mmm try the aboki women,,,,fuk them sef fit bomb you one day.
ok mmm tryyyy.....mmmmmmm.....
i am still thinking of who you should try

Those misgivings will come because you are not doing well. There is something I can point out from you post tho. You are being too critical. Dude, leave the woman's attitude and focus on yourself. If she can't walk as fast as you want, don't go with her. If she dey fight with people, wetin concern you? Just do your thing. That is women for you. @ least she isn't cheating. She knows why she resigned. She has supported you. You want her to go to another state and hustle.... come on man. Let her look for a job in that state. Besides, you may not know what she is facing there. I think you are not matured enough really. Just keep hustling brother. Finances are a very important aspect of marriage, you need to keep your head up. Focus more on yourself and leave her for now. Forget talking to families or pastors either for now.

Op Se ur wife get ukwu?

All these things you are going through are normal things in every marriage. There is nothing new under the sun. You both are immature , you need time to grow and understand each other. Seek marriage counselling. Your wife needs to guard her tongue, only someone she respects can advise her.

Also pray to God to bless your hustle. Na money cause all this bullsht. If you were a multimillionaire now, she won't talk to you anyhow.

Papiikush:
Bro, you opened pandora's box! You married the devil

I don't even know where to start from? [b]Were you not in any form of relationship/courtship with her before marriage?

How come you never saw traits of a walking time bomb? This is scary. I had so appropriately to read this "50 shades of problem" carefully. Lord help me never to marry a woman like this I will dump her and flee the country I swear.

Bad news for you is; you signed a "for better for worse" contract which lasts forever (divorce is not the case here Cuz you will have to face the law if you did a court wedding).

You will get so many advices here (the good, bad and ugly) but the right step to take is seeing a Marriage counselor.

You need to take a bold step and hold this lion by the tail [/b]

People never reveal their true selves in relationships. I'm sure you don't, too; neither do I.

OP you will know what your best option is soon enough. No opinion here on Nairaland. or elsewhere should influence your decision.

[quote author=Bluestreams post=58525343][/quote]

I am sorry, i feel bad each time i hear of issues like this... you guys didn't bond well before marriage... all of these have to do with bonding issues...You both need to find where you last bonded and work on one another, but one thing i've observed is, your wife didn't get good training...

OP, the only issue is your lack of finance. Women dont enjoy poverty, it takes the grace of God to meet a woman who will stay with you in penury and I think that was in the days of our mothers. These days, with social media, you are easily able to see where your mates are and you start comparing yourselves with them and wondering if you made a mistake. Make money and your wife will respect you again. Living from hand to mouth is making her lose the love she once had for you. Nothing kills love in marriage faster than poverty.

Bluestreams:


At home I cant talk to my wife and she keeps quiet. The will tell me to shut up to my face and one one occasion I landed her a small slap which left an eye bloodshot and this ended the shutup episode.

Bad guy!

Oh lord..

Bluestreams:
Profile: 10yrs old Nlander, Postgrad, 32yrs old, 2 yrs old in marriage with a 1yr old son.

Pls kindly read patiently and advice me if I am wrong and also what to do if my spouse is the problem. Thanks.

I got married as the first child out of two and my family (mother) really supported me financially. At this time, I didnt have any salary job neither do I have any contracts running as I do pest control and landscaping services and other small legal hustles. I met my wife who is a civil servant and we fell inlove and I never hid my financial or employment status from her. Shortly before my wedding (I was also job hunting for a better job) I got an interview in a top oil and gas firm in the country by insider recommendation, and being the only one invited I felt I've gotten it. My fiancé started telling her sibs that I'm already a staff which I frowned at because I've not received any appointment letter. This she was doing in "faith" anyway. Subsequently, I was never called for that job again and by this time we were already married. Prior to this time, I got a slightly less than 50k job in a bank and after a few months my fiancé pressed me to resign athough that job was stressful and in another state where I neither had family nor friends.

We got married then the issues began.
I noticed my wife is the type of woman thats slow (I'll not use the word lazy). She cant keep up with my pace when we walk, she can't clean the house daily, she'll prefer I do the house chores while she watches tv and all. We were in honey moon so I didn't have a problem with that, and more over I enjoy such chores and I am a good cook. By this time her salary was dropping and we were living on it coupled with whatever income that comes from me from my business (my wife isn't stingy with her funds and neither am I).

Our problems started when she became pregnant just a months after wedding. She became super slow due to the preggy and I had to do like every every due to the initial sickness and all. Also, I noticed my wife doesn't know how to talk to people. She isnt rude or insolent but she can argue blindly and just keeps talking. She talks too much and doesn't know how to ignore things. She will say she likes speaking her mind, even though I adviced her that she will have lots of enemies by that lifestyle.

My parents live in the same town with me but hers are in the village. If things gets a bit rough I do visit the family shop and pick things on credit and pay later. This happens only when I'm low on budget.

After our honey moon, my wife refused to go back to work (her station is in another state) although she has been complaining that she doesn't like the job (her father helped secure it). Since she couldnt travel she kept calling the offixe and they were still paying her, only for some of her seniors whom she isn't in good terms with write against her and her salary stopped coming in. By this time I had to up my game and started husting harder. God another low paying job which didn't last and I continued with my biz. I lost the job because of lateness due to taking care of a pregnant wife and so on. In fact I lost 2 other jobs of same nature and wasn't bothered because they pay was very poor anyway.

When my wife put to birth, my mother (as hers is late) asked her to stay at our family house for a week,so she can look after her because I was still working at this time and my mother's business and other engagements is just around the house, my wife refused. Infact its not the refusal that touched me but the attitude she put up. Shortly after then I needed to relocate to a new aprtment and asked her to go over to the family house with the baby so I can move things which she did and the outcome of that visit was a heated quarrel with my mother. She accused her of telling my church members not to visit her after childbirth (my house is very far from the church) and even though it was a lie and I told her to shut up she kept on talking so many trash.

At home I cant talk to my wife and she keeps quiet. The will tell me to shut up to my face and one one occasion I landed her a small slap which left an eye bloodshot and this ended the shutup episode. Often times, if I talk she will raise her voice.

Four months after my wedding her father called me sounding angry and asking me why my wife is still with me, why she hadn't gone back to the state where she works, I overlooked. Some months back late last year, he repeated the same thing and even dropped the phone on me and just a week ago it happened again. My wife have refused to go back to work saying she will rather start a particular type of biz (which I'm trying to setup for her) but her family is talking behind my back all manner of absurd things.

My wife and I have been having our own bouts due to her attitude. I don't talk to neighbours again as she confided in one and laid bare exclusive family secrets and they had a quarrel and in front of my landlord, my neighbour spilled the beans and I felt so ashamed. My wife's salary has been stopped for over a year now and I have been solely the bread winner. I even got a car recently and uses it for transport to support other income.

My wife can nag about everything, she can wake me by 3am over petty things so I stopped sleeping in our bedroom and now sleeps in the guest room. If she's angry she'll not wash plates I eat with. This is someone I always wash her clothes and my with the machine since I married her. But she can hardly do same. If she cleans the house its favour and she'll keep murmuring. If we have an argument she'll start shouting, abusing my whole family and stuff.

This morning we had a quarrel and my wife told me I cant even take care of my family to provide for her, talking how she's leaving (she always tells me she'll leave and I've made it clear I'll gladly wait for that day).

I have been thinking about everything myself, since I married things have not really improved. Maybe I really made a wrong choice or rushed things (as I now believe), so I am planning on sending her away soon and them take me dad and kinsmen to her father (as is the culture in my place) for him to either caution his daughter or take her back because I might really injure her out of anger one day.

This is my last effort to save this marriage . I have only slapped her once in 2 yrs.
I feel I should seek matured advice from experienced people here as I know I might be right in my own eyes.
I really don't know what else to do.

PS: I'll answer any questions you might ask me. Forgive any typo. Thanks.

Things I read about some marriages make me wanna be a monk.... Ayam really scared.

When a man choose wrong, everything seems wrong. wrong home, wrong job, wrong kids, wrong life, wrong family. May God give us our missing rib make we find.

time to go then

@op, @Prognose have said it all, there's no 100% perfect woman anywhere on earth although everything has limit.

although I'm not married yet but I can see clearly from your narration that your wife is still a young woman and lack certain home training, I will advice you see a counselor first before involving any other third party.

some nigerian women can frustrate the life of men..they are always too violent and big headed..dont ask me how i know..try dating girls from other african countries u will understand what i mean..guys you need to branch out..nigerian women love money too much and once u stop providing..it would be hell on earth and they can abuse..i swear and they will hit you..u can never tell anigerian woman sit here and she will sit..i will never marry a nigerian woman,yes am nigerian and no i wont marry a white woman as well..i swear i can marry a woman from zimbabwe..as long as shes not green white green

She didn't show any of these bad attitudes during courtship Op don enter one chance.
@Bluestreams better keep calm, don't allow ur village ppple use her to up your B.P
Be cool

Bluestreams:
Profile: 10yrs old Nlander, Postgrad, 32yrs old, 2 yrs old in marriage with a 1yr old son.


.......... . I have only slapped her once in 2 yrs.

PS: I'll answer any questions you might ask me. Forgive any typo. Thanks.

Men will always have a way to paint their wives bad and look like saints when they are actually the ones maltreating women and cheating.
OP must be the cause of the wife's problem and the cause of his broken home. He should stop crying like a menstruating woman on NL and go and solve his problems. Nonsense.

kam sorry for u blue..i knw u aint financially stablle bt yya wife should understand and help u out..and for her naging am sure she inherited it from her father. If am u i will meeet the olld man face to face table what she is doing and telll her hw her lazy daughter chose to sppend all d day watchingg tv while u wrrk ya a** out. Let her find a job nd blue u aint financially broke joor u are goood to go iif ur lazy wife helps...call a family meeting bothh party and sayy it infrooont of them..ffoorggeet wetin dem ggoo tallk .she noww dey gossip cos of nnt going ttoo wwrk

Bluestreams:
Profile: 10yrs old Nlander, Postgrad, 32yrs old, 2 yrs old in marriage with a 1yr old son.

Pls kindly read patiently and advice me if I am wrong and also what to do if my spouse is the problem. Thanks.

I got married as the first child out of two and my family (mother) really supported me financially. At this time, I didnt have any salary job neither do I have any contracts running as I do pest control and landscaping services and other small legal hustles. I met my wife who is a civil servant and we fell inlove and I never hid my financial or employment status from her. Shortly before my wedding (I was also job hunting for a better job) I got an interview in a top oil and gas firm in the country by insider recommendation, and being the only one invited I felt I've gotten it. My fiancé started telling her sibs that I'm already a staff which I frowned at because I've not received any appointment letter. This she was doing in "faith" anyway. Subsequently, I was never called for that job again and by this time we were already married. Prior to this time, I got a slightly less than 50k job in a bank and after a few months my fiancé pressed me to resign athough that job was stressful and in another state where I neither had family nor friends.

We got married then the issues began.
I noticed my wife is the type of woman thats slow (I'll not use the word lazy). She cant keep up with my pace when we walk, she can't clean the house daily, she'll prefer I do the house chores while she watches tv and all. We were in honey moon so I didn't have a problem with that, and more over I enjoy such chores and I am a good cook. By this time her salary was dropping and we were living on it coupled with whatever income that comes from me from my business (my wife isn't stingy with her funds and neither am I).

Our problems started when she became pregnant just a months after wedding. She became super slow due to the preggy and I had to do like every every due to the initial sickness and all. Also, I noticed my wife doesn't know how to talk to people. She isnt rude or insolent but she can argue blindly and just keeps talking. She talks too much and doesn't know how to ignore things. She will say she likes speaking her mind, even though I adviced her that she will have lots of enemies by that lifestyle.

My parents live in the same town with me but hers are in the village. If things gets a bit rough I do visit the family shop and pick things on credit and pay later. This happens only when I'm low on budget.

After our honey moon, my wife refused to go back to work (her station is in another state) although she has been complaining that she doesn't like the job (her father helped secure it). Since she couldnt travel she kept calling the offixe and they were still paying her, only for some of her seniors whom she isn't in good terms with write against her and her salary stopped coming in. By this time I had to up my game and started husting harder. God another low paying job which didn't last and I continued with my biz. I lost the job because of lateness due to taking care of a pregnant wife and so on. In fact I lost 2 other jobs of same nature and wasn't bothered because they pay was very poor anyway.

When my wife put to birth, my mother (as hers is late) asked her to stay at our family house for a week,so she can look after her because I was still working at this time and my mother's business and other engagements is just around the house, my wife refused. Infact its not the refusal that touched me but the attitude she put up. Shortly after then I needed to relocate to a new aprtment and asked her to go over to the family house with the baby so I can move things which she did and the outcome of that visit was a heated quarrel with my mother. She accused her of telling my church members not to visit her after childbirth (my house is very far from the church) and even though it was a lie and I told her to shut up she kept on talking so many trash.

At home I cant talk to my wife and she keeps quiet. The will tell me to shut up to my face and one one occasion I landed her a small slap which left an eye bloodshot and this ended the shutup episode. Often times, if I talk she will raise her voice.

Four months after my wedding her father called me sounding angry and asking me why my wife is still with me, why she hadn't gone back to the state where she works, I overlooked. Some months back late last year, he repeated the same thing and even dropped the phone on me and just a week ago it happened again. My wife have refused to go back to work saying she will rather start a particular type of biz (which I'm trying to setup for her) but her family is talking behind my back all manner of absurd things.

My wife and I have been having our own bouts due to her attitude. I don't talk to neighbours again as she confided in one and laid bare exclusive family secrets and they had a quarrel and in front of my landlord, my neighbour spilled the beans and I felt so ashamed. My wife's salary has been stopped for over a year now and I have been solely the bread winner. I even got a car recently and uses it for transport to support other income.

My wife can nag about everything, she can wake me by 3am over petty things so I stopped sleeping in our bedroom and now sleeps in the guest room. If she's angry she'll not wash plates I eat with. This is someone I always wash her clothes and my with the machine since I married her. But she can hardly do same. If she cleans the house its favour and she'll keep murmuring. If we have an argument she'll start shouting, abusing my whole family and stuff.

This morning we had a quarrel and my wife told me I cant even take care of my family to provide for her, talking how she's leaving (she always tells me she'll leave and I've made it clear I'll gladly wait for that day).

I have been thinking about everything myself, since I married things have not really improved. Maybe I really made a wrong choice or rushed things (as I now believe), so I am planning on sending her away soon and them take me dad and kinsmen to her father (as is the culture in my place) for him to either caution his daughter or take her back because I might really injure her out of anger one day.

This is my last effort to save this marriage . I have only slapped her once in 2 yrs.
I feel I should seek matured advice from experienced people here as I know I might be right in my own eyes.
I really don't know what else to do.

PS: I'll answer any questions you might ask me. Forgive any typo. Thanks.

I have questions.. Please bear with me.

1. How long did you two court.

2. What attracted you to her and what virtue did you see in her that made you believe you could spend the rest of your life with her.

3. When you married her without a clear means of income, what was your plan to provide for the family? Did you two discuss this fact and what was your agreement?

4. What are the things she complains the most about.. Think hard.

5. Does your wife still have a job or is she fired?

6. If you are planning on sending her away, what about your child? What are your plans for the child?

7. How much involvement does either of your families have in your marriage? Do you guys go report each other often to your folks when there is an issue?

The purpose of getting married it's to be more happier both in ups and down,but our ladies chooses only the ups leaving the down,OP,this what I call marriage slavery,if I were you I will be the one to flee cos I can get angry and do the things I wouldn't want.

You entered the wrong bus. You were going to Ikorodu from Maryland but mistakenly entered the one going to Badagry,

The sooner you let her go, or you go, the sooner you can start putting your life back together.

Encourage her to leave already but make sure you support your child.

Bluestreams:
Profile: 10yrs old Nlander, Postgrad, 32yrs old, 2 yrs old in marriage with a 1yr old s

Bro honestly no marriage is perfect so work on yours....it's your cross...carry it.

[quote author=Prognose post=58525244]

I read the whole thing.
You're not alone bro. The problems you're having is the same kind of problems married people have at this stage of their marriage. This is the setting limits stage. This is where you both draw the line on things you can tolerate and things you won't allow no matter what. This is the stage where you show the kind of man you are and your wife will likewise adapt as a woman. Your problem is nothing out of the ordinary that others in these phase of marriage have experienced.


You didn't see all these flaws in her initially because you were deeply in love with her then. You may have even noticed some of these things but pushed them aside. But now the euphoria of love have gone and both of you are seeing yourselves live and direct. It's not a new thing bros, trust me.

So she nags. Almost all women nag, some nag worse than others. It is kind of your job to be patient with her as the man. Pls try and control your temper, this is what will make you matured and will separate u from being a boy. When she shouts and talks ceaselessly find a way to leave the environment or ignore her, depending on the type u can do. Over time she will learn to control herself.
Her controlling herself and reducing her nagging and your not getting enraged to be slapping her shows that you are both coming of age in the marriage and are understanding each other and becoming mature.


Do you want her to go back to her job? Remember she is pregnant (for the first time) and in a delicate and scared state. She is quite vulnerable right now with the changes going on in her body. Your job at this time is to be as supportive as you can. I don't mean you should become her slave but try and give her more rope when she misbehaves. It gets worse at three to six months of age and then she should start returning back to normal.

Set a boundary for her father. The fact that he has cut the phone on you once is enough to piss you off. He's not married to her, you are. If he calls again tell him politely that this is your family and you have your own plans for your wife. If you don't have the mind to do this then u can just ignore him instead. This is your wife now, he should stop butting in.

Find a job for her to do, no matter how little. Also don't give up on yourself. Every married couple went through this stage, it is those that come out of it that last. If you break up now, what's to say in your next marriage u won't break up again at the first sign of difficulty. Your a postgraduate man, you should be more mature and patient bro.

Find an older married couple you can talk to for advice. Not online o. A respectable married couple or couples preferably from the generation before ours let them tell you what they've been through themselves. Marriage is hard work and the more work you put into it the sweeter it becomes.

Cheers bro. U av jst said it all dear. Tanx 4 helpin a broda!

I read the whole thing.
You're not alone bro. The problems you're having is the same kind of problems married people have at this stage of their marriage. This is the setting limits stage. This is where you both draw the line on things you can tolerate and things you won't allow no matter what. This is the stage where you show the kind of man you are and your wife will likewise adapt as a woman. Your problem is nothing out of the ordinary that others in these phase of marriage have experienced.


You didn't see all these flaws in her initially because you were deeply in love with her then. You may have even noticed some of these things but pushed them aside. But now the euphoria of love have gone and both of you are seeing yourselves live and direct. It's not a new thing bros, trust me.

So she nags. Almost all women nag, some nag worse than others. It is kind of your job to be patient with her as the man. Pls try and control your temper, this is what will make you matured and will separate u from being a boy. When she shouts and talks ceaselessly find a way to leave the environment or ignore her, depending on the type u can do. Over time she will learn to control herself.
Her controlling herself and reducing her nagging and your not getting enraged to be slapping her shows that you are both coming of age in the marriage and are understanding each other and becoming mature.


Do you want her to go back to her job? Remember she is pregnant (for the first time) and in a delicate and scared state. She is quite vulnerable right now with the changes going on in her body. Your job at this time is to be as supportive as you can. I don't mean you should become her slave but try and give her more rope when she misbehaves. It gets worse at three to six months of age and then she should start returning back to normal.

Set a boundary for her father. The fact that he has cut the phone on you once is enough to piss you off. He's not

It will be better to take her back to her family to sting a warning to her wether she may change....divorce is not the best option think twice bro.. God bless ur union...

Firstly , apart from going to Church ...Do u two ever pray as a Family? Do you still do those things that made her fall in love with you ? Do you make her feel that your Mum comes first before her ? Do you think she is being too selfish or she is just lazy and won't change as you have said ? Do you think you are sincerely making sure your marriage works? Do you know that divorce is serious business especially when there are children or a child involved ? Are u sure you are not too temperamental and she is also trying to have a voice? Do you think she feels cheated and only wants to get solace from Family,Friends and neighbours ? Don't you think 3rd party intervention (Family and friends ) could be a reason for your troubles ? Do you think there is nothing you can do at all to save your home ? Your wife ? Your Son and yourself ...... Answer this questions sincerely ....make out time to see the positive side of your wife ...show her love even when she shows you hate , tell her sweet tins when she expects nagging and encourage her/assist her to start a business or something to assist d house...don't tik marring anoder wife is d best solution ..no one is ever free from vices ...change your mindset ...and after all this if you are still sure you married d devil ...divorce her