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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / I Caught My Husband Chatting With A Lady On Facebook & WhatsApp & Confronted Him (65793 Views)
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Re: I Caught My Husband Chatting With A Lady On Facebook & WhatsApp & Confronted Him by MrSly(m): 10:06am On Aug 03, 2017 |
Daeylar:I don't mean to support the cheating husband, intact no woman deserves a bitter home in the name of marriage. But I also frown when feminist approach is used on sensitive matters like this. @ the emboldened, that is only when women hustle to build houses, buy cars even for their their future husband, train their future husband in school, pay for all his expenses at the same time sex starve because the guy isn't ready for it and at the same time doesn't want to be cheated on, officially bears the financial burden of marriage and family, etc, as men do. Only then you will talk about 'opposite and equal reaction' between men and women as feminists demand. 1 Like |
Re: I Caught My Husband Chatting With A Lady On Facebook & WhatsApp & Confronted Him by Sholeyb: 10:15am On Aug 03, 2017 |
Firstly, let me say how sorry I am, that you have to go through this sort of predicament. Secondly, never blame yourself for another person's wrongdoing. If your husband felt you needed to improve your dressing, sex life or whatever, it is his responsibility and not yours to discuss it with you and work with you to achieve a beneficial result for your marriage. It is totally disrespectful to a partner and marriage to say because one partner does not dress well or offers less sex, it is a license to cheat. What happens if the partner falls ill, becomes disabled, can't have children, looses their job and becomes less interested in sex( usually men), has significant episiotomy and the 'place' is not as tight as it was before. Your husband's behaviour suggests to me you are in for an awful ride in this marriage, unless he decides to change. He said to your face that he does not owe you faithfulness, what does he owe you then? STD's, ridicule, shame, disrepect? It is ridiculous what we Nigerian women take, honestly!!! If you don't mind, let me give you a word of advice( I have been married for 16 years now) whatever you accept now, you will have to keep on accepting it until either you become mentally damaged, full of bitterness, venomous and unrecognisable even to yourself. I assume your marriage is young since this is your first pregnancy. It is up to you what decision you make, but I want you to ask yourself these questions; 1. Are you willing to look the other way? 2. Are you willing to settle for less? 3. Are you willing to continue to endure your marriage? 4. Do you genuinely believe he can or wants to change? 5. Do you genuinely believe you are able to forgive him and forget about it? 6. What options do you think you have? How do you achieve these options? 7. Are you emotionally strong enough to deal with the effects of adultery in your marriage 8. Do you value your health, self and life? 9. Do you think you are worth more than rubies? 10. Do you see yourself as a queen that should be treated with respect? 11. If you are a Christian, are you able to vigorously pray and fast continuously for the rest of your life on this issue? 12. Will your next generation think it is okay to stay when your partner cheats, that it is normal? 13. What are the advantages and disadvantages of whatever decision you make? Weigh it up logically without being emotional about it. Ultimately, the decision is yours; I hope you make the right one. 3 Likes |
Re: I Caught My Husband Chatting With A Lady On Facebook & WhatsApp & Confronted Him by Nobody: 10:26am On Aug 03, 2017 |
Don't pretend to b OK with wat hurts u as it will lead to health issues later,let him know its not acceptable nd he shld b cautioned nd put to check,let him know he owes u faithfulness even if it means informing his parents.Deal seriously with DAT statement of his now or regret it later.u r d one hurt nd u r d one DAT desav apology not d oda way round.African men pls respect ur wives. 1 Like |
Re: I Caught My Husband Chatting With A Lady On Facebook & WhatsApp & Confronted Him by mrphysics(m): 10:46am On Aug 03, 2017 |
midehi2:I got you but the point is that most ladies here do not understand the whole thing. I see the ladies think like women and assume to be a man too. where is the 30% of men? you seem not to understand. only 0.1% of them are out there which I am one of them. Stop telling me how men feel and how they are. Women too have their problem which might not be related to sex. The whole women issue is a big problem on its own. 1 Like |
Re: I Caught My Husband Chatting With A Lady On Facebook & WhatsApp & Confronted Him by mrphysics(m): 10:49am On Aug 03, 2017 |
peepydelano:As a man do you think the husband meant the word? You join women to take everything serious. The man was caught in the act and he must have seen himself a coward to have ventured into such, and as a way to remain in control of his home, he reacted that way. Trust me, the man is very sorry of his action. Don't join all these nairaland women think out things that do not exist |
Re: I Caught My Husband Chatting With A Lady On Facebook & WhatsApp & Confronted Him by mrssho: 10:54am On Aug 03, 2017 |
My problem with people saying that she should pray is that by doing that, the man is having his fun and you have communicated to him that there are no repercussions for his actions. Dont get me wrong o prayer is good and she should definitely pray but there should be repercussions, i dont think my husband in his right mind will tell me he doesnt owe me fidelity because i will ask why he said those words in front of God and man. I take my vows very seriously and if the other person doesnt want to take them seriously then why are we married? Life is too short and tomorrow isnt guaranteed for anyone to spend morning afternoon and night on a man that knows his right from wrong but still decides to do the wrong thing. Thats why alot of women become very bitter and angry its because of what the men put them through. Who wants that? In as much as i hate divorce, i cannot stay with an unremorseful cheating partner or a wife beater, i cant and i wont. But to each their own 2 Likes |
Re: I Caught My Husband Chatting With A Lady On Facebook & WhatsApp & Confronted Him by blakpriest(m): 11:05am On Aug 03, 2017 |
In my opinion, you do not need to fret about this yet, it is normal to have suspicions as a woman, but you need evidence to confront your husband. I would suggest that you soft pedal on this, or rather you sit with him and let him know that you can be that person he can talk to and the kind of woman he seeks. In all you have to work yourself to be that woman. Note: Marriage is a covenant and contract between two people and if one party is not keeping up, it is not a do or die affair, you can actually live alone. |
Re: I Caught My Husband Chatting With A Lady On Facebook & WhatsApp & Confronted Him by Ayiibobo(m): 11:09am On Aug 03, 2017 |
Prevho:she shouldn't seek out his friends yet,you have made a very good point about the man been triggered by something to change his behaviour,....seeking out his friends may either go well,or turn out very bad,and may be like adding fuel to the whole issue on ground,and yeah the man that 1st commented is right,the ones that seems to u as aliens are just been perfect at their craft,some are faithful because of grace,.yes I said it GRACE,OF GOD,..my own advise the woman is just to rewind and try to reason how she was doing when he was faithful and now that he's unfaithful,if there is no change as to her behaviour,she should just try to continuously approach him as to why he's changed towards her,mind you not aggressively,it may escalate to something else entirely,.if that doesn't work,.she should continue being herself and do what's expected of her cos of her pregnancy,if her solem attitude doesn't give him a change of heart,then she's free to seek out his best friend,not just any friend,his best friend,if that doesn't work then going to his family is the next thing,..u may see it as a long process but as the old ones do say,..patience doesn't cos damage, patience repairs..hope I'm been helpful thanks 1 Like |
Re: I Caught My Husband Chatting With A Lady On Facebook & WhatsApp & Confronted Him by successinlife: 11:10am On Aug 03, 2017 |
Treasuredlove: Truth hurts,the percentage of happy home is less than 10% worldwide,rich and poor are not left out.Do you think dumping his man is the best solution?you will be in for a shocker,alot of good ladies run into eat and run guys while alot of good men end up with slay queens, the possibility of Op jumping from frying pan to fire is 90%.It is better to find out the cause of her husband behaviour and sort things out. @ Treasuredlove, you can't know me more than i know myself,even her parents know the type of person i am.Simple miscalculation in marriage can ruin the whole family.A side ckick/unmarried lady is not because d lady is bad,you don't know what makes her still single.Everybody with his own cross.Good woman yes but good is not enough if a woman can't protect her home,her husband is inclusive. Holier than thou takes us nowhere,most Countries that put holiness as their badge are the most corrupt in the world. 1 Like |
Re: I Caught My Husband Chatting With A Lady On Facebook & WhatsApp & Confronted Him by Jman06(m): 11:15am On Aug 03, 2017 |
Op, this is the time for you to stand your ground and get things right in your marriage. Please don't listen to anyone saying that it is in the nature of every man to cheat. That is total hogwash! I have many men of sound character around me who are married and are faithful to their wives, so i know what i am typing about. Don't sweep this matter under the carpet, else this would just be a license for him to continue cheating with reckless abandon. You know what to do! 2 Likes |
Re: I Caught My Husband Chatting With A Lady On Facebook & WhatsApp & Confronted Him by whatsupbitches: 11:20am On Aug 03, 2017 |
TheArchangel:You are not a man? how do you know he's not a man? do you know what is to be a man? you obviously don't. You are ranting based on what you read, saw, think you know but you really don't know. Take it or leave it 99% of men are like that, he;s just being honest but I guess like the old saying women love lies. Before a man can stick to his woman it takes a lot and the woman must be more than just a wife(very few women know the steps/secrets to be more than a wife to their man and some do it without knowing too) to him but that is another talk for another day 1 Like |
Re: I Caught My Husband Chatting With A Lady On Facebook & WhatsApp & Confronted Him by charisexy(f): 11:20am On Aug 03, 2017 |
wonders shall never end, He dnt owe you faithfulness, Ask him whom he owe it, some men get gut shaaa!! please for the sake of your condition clam yourself down your health is more important now than any other thing.let your kneels speak for you,for self delivery,and to destroy every strange woman.then sit him down and talk to him, find whatever that will make you HAPPY for now. God is your strength. |
Re: I Caught My Husband Chatting With A Lady On Facebook & WhatsApp & Confronted Him by mamato(f): 11:21am On Aug 03, 2017 |
tomi87014:wake up in the middle of the night, pray to his hearing , cry with the girl's name. If possible pretend as if u a laying a curse on the Lady. Cry with bitterness , then watch and see what will happen. 1 Like |
Re: I Caught My Husband Chatting With A Lady On Facebook & WhatsApp & Confronted Him by LordGuru1: 11:28am On Aug 03, 2017 |
tomi87014:Don't bottle up ur emotions when u r with ur man. Men hate when women trying to be men. Wake him up late in the night and beg him to please listen to you. Let him know that GOD's Protection over u both and ur unborn generation becomes jeopadised when either sin. Let him know that sin opens loopholes for stagnancy, retrogression and satan's destruction; spiritual and physical like HIV(e no dey show for face). Don't bottle up ur emotion trying to man up. That femine subtleness and vunerability still softens the hardest man's heart, it makes women more powerful. Go on ur knees, go closer holding him and release your all ur emotion weeping profusely, telling him you see him as your Prince charming, ur Man in shining armour, ask why is he trying to kill you. By now he'll probably join you in crying profusely, apologizing and promising never to break ur heart. After then, google more on how to make your husband stick to you alone. 1 Like |
Re: I Caught My Husband Chatting With A Lady On Facebook & WhatsApp & Confronted Him by Brugo(m): 11:41am On Aug 03, 2017 |
Sorry. He is obligated to be faithful. It is compulsory. Don't accept that selfish statement. He must choose you first and you alone. Unless your religious beliefs accept polygamy. tomi87014: 3 Likes |
Re: I Caught My Husband Chatting With A Lady On Facebook & WhatsApp & Confronted Him by DJInfluence: 11:57am On Aug 03, 2017 |
Women can look for what is not looking for them. Why did you go through his Phone/PC (since you didn´t mentioned the medium used to access his account). What where you expecting to see, when you decided to go through his account? Sebi, when you didn´t know all this, you were happy now you are stressed because of your curiosity. So bear am. 1 Like |
Re: I Caught My Husband Chatting With A Lady On Facebook & WhatsApp & Confronted Him by kkins25(m): 12:06pm On Aug 03, 2017 |
mrphysics:truthfully spoken. I agree with you on all points. fake guys tend to ignore the fact that Man has never been a monogamous being. as a matter of fact monogamy is a sacrife for spiritual development. sometimes I wonder how christianity evolved to preach that polygamy is a sin. carefully study the bible(NT) jesus did say it was suposed to be one man and woman but he never said stop polygamy. if polygamy is a sin then king solomon should be one of the first to be thrown into hell. Abraham was polygamus(thanks to him we have a wild set of humans) back to the NT, cant quote now but remember when st. paul was giving guidelines for selection of leaders, he talked about does havine ONE WIFE. if the jews were polygamous then why the existence of such law? Its real hard work on the part of the man to be commited to one woman. After all, women were seen as beings for the glory of men . im currently single, not because I have not dated or have been rejected but because I am not sure if I can maintain a single gf now. better have non than mess with emotions of innocent ladies. All men have polygamous tendencies. keeping to one girl is tough. from a scientific point of view, it is nothing novel that the masculine gender is driven by tremendous sex drive. As animals we compete for better life to get better and more babes. its nature mehn. if its nature then why blame humanity for sexual immorality? I am not saying men should cheat, this is a new age, we are H. S. sapiens now. control those animal behaviours. 1 Like |
Re: I Caught My Husband Chatting With A Lady On Facebook & WhatsApp & Confronted Him by eripecs(f): 12:08pm On Aug 03, 2017 |
tomi87014:Hey woman! Champions don't weep but exercise authority. I guess you are a born again Christian; I mean someone that can pray and heaven hears. If you are such, congratulations! Go on your knees and command him back to his senses. There's an aspect of marriage crisis people overlook, that is spiritual manipulations. Send that lady to the bed of affliction and set your husband free from her demonic strongholds. The devil is out to destroy happy homes. Cheer up!! 1 Like |
Re: I Caught My Husband Chatting With A Lady On Facebook & WhatsApp & Confronted Him by adanny01(m): 12:16pm On Aug 03, 2017 |
tomi87014: My wife caught me 3 weeks ago with a chat worst than your hubby's. We called ourselves so many endearing names like bae, baby, love etc. We never arranged to meet. From our coversation my wife concluded i was already cheating. However, evidence does not match up to the reality. The girl in question is a friend to my friend's fiancee. We met at their marriage introduction though we never spoke. We had an evening outing as friends of bride and groom. One guy showed interest on her, they were an item that day but she confided in my friend's fiancee that it was me she wanted. My friend's fiancee told her am married but she insisted. The bride to be told me everything but i didnt react. After some months, the bride to be's mother passed and we went for the wake keep and met but didnt speak again. The bride again told me the girl is still asking her questions about me. At this point, i collected her contact but didnt call and we just started chatting on whatsapp. At a point she asked for recharge card and i sent her with no objections. My wife saw the chat and concluded but actually i have no relationship with the girl. How can my wife ever know that the kind of relationship she saw on the chat doesnot exist or doesn't translate to a physical emotion? I was just playing along and we live in different states. I acted like your hubby, i had no relationship and everything i say would not be believed since it contradicts to what i replied in the chats. So i told my wife to do her worst. Ofcoure my wife will not divorce me over a relationship she cannot proof. If i want to cheat, my wife cannot stop me so no amount of monitoring would, it will just cause her health problems and damage our relationship. If my wife wants to have a good marriage relationship, she should stay off my phone. Funny enough, the same friend of mine offered me a girl on WhatsApp saying "i have one sweet girl for you, the kind i know you like". I asked him when he became a love-vendor, we joked and laughed. My wife saw that joke too but never knew its a joke. No one will know its a joke, he was pulling my legs. He even sent a random pic of a beautiful girl. There is another story of a girl i asked to send her account details but wont bore you with more stories. Sometimes, you will never understand the context of the chat or the thought process of someone during the chat. Its better to stay off. 1 Like |
Re: I Caught My Husband Chatting With A Lady On Facebook & WhatsApp & Confronted Him by profmallor: 12:17pm On Aug 03, 2017 |
This is how what would have otherwise been a great marriage starts to have issues and ends up hitting the rocks. Your marriage seems young with a baby on the way,. For most men, that's a great thing to look forward too and they wont jeopardize it for anything in the world. My sister, you will turn into a prayer warrior over this issue - serious one o, else did you say he is sleeping in the spare room abi. Very soon he wont even come home at all. And Yes this advise is from experience. |
Re: I Caught My Husband Chatting With A Lady On Facebook & WhatsApp & Confronted Him by kkins25(m): 12:38pm On Aug 03, 2017 |
the Op should know that not all men CHEAT, but all men FLIRT |
Re: I Caught My Husband Chatting With A Lady On Facebook & WhatsApp & Confronted Him by Lucasinho(m): 12:42pm On Aug 03, 2017 |
ikp120:u mean o |
Re: I Caught My Husband Chatting With A Lady On Facebook & WhatsApp & Confronted Him by Marshalxv(m): 12:47pm On Aug 03, 2017 |
Daeylar: U put a burning flame in front of a crawling baby and u think the baby won't put his hands in the fire . It's bad enough that the husband cheat and wasn't remorseful about it and the only thing u can do for the already hurting lady is to give her more reasons to hate her husband the more . Thank u ,u can come back to comment wen some1 needs advice on how to divorce her cheating husband. Take care |
Re: I Caught My Husband Chatting With A Lady On Facebook & WhatsApp & Confronted Him by Praktikals(m): 12:48pm On Aug 03, 2017 |
PaperLace:Lol. Dont worry. Even if Oga cheats on you, it doesnt mean he doesnt love you. cheers. 1 Like |
Re: I Caught My Husband Chatting With A Lady On Facebook & WhatsApp & Confronted Him by Daeylar(f): 12:50pm On Aug 03, 2017 |
Marshalxv:where did I do so? where did I ask her to hate her husband? I'm sorry what did I do? |
Re: I Caught My Husband Chatting With A Lady On Facebook & WhatsApp & Confronted Him by Boss13: 12:54pm On Aug 03, 2017 |
I read only the first page and got a bit irritated because it was turning to a women v men issue. This is your marriage and I will strongly advise that you should NEVER implement what some of the women here are telling you to do. Many of them are single, never married or high pretenders. Women are yet to understand men and men are also yet to understand women. Your husband was ashamed you caught him red handed and rather than feel ashamed like a boy who was caught by his mom with the meat in his mouth, he is allowing his ego get inside his head. Be careful with your husband. You need to understand his personality. You are in pains, but what would define your marriage is how you handle the pain you feel. If you handle it wrongly, you will lose your marriage and increase your pain further. Your husband has shown that he doesn't want to discuss that issue, do not confront him about it again. You may not like the outcome. At this moment, don't report this matter to anybody, not a family member, you would embarrass him further and leak family secrets out. Be calm and cool and don't change your attitude or the other woman wins. This is your marriage and he is your husband and family. Marriages have issues and are not perfect, but with perseverance, it finally succeeds. I wish you well 1 Like |
Re: I Caught My Husband Chatting With A Lady On Facebook & WhatsApp & Confronted Him by Nobody: 12:56pm On Aug 03, 2017 |
RapportNaija: Keep up the good work. How can someone keep doing something that hurts his wife, then expect same wife to look out for him. That's how they continue, till they are old, frail and maybe with lesser cash. They immediately remember their loyal wives. Bloody heartless cheats! Praktikals:Misery sure loves company. Give this advice to you daughter when you eventually have one. He can cheat on her and give her STDs _ tough love. 2 Likes |
Re: I Caught My Husband Chatting With A Lady On Facebook & WhatsApp & Confronted Him by fpeter(f): 1:27pm On Aug 03, 2017 |
Dear OP, please take it easy especially in your present condition. Don't let his philandering harm you or your baby, don't let this trigger BP issues for you. That said, please refrain from checking his phones and emails, don't dig up what you cannot bury. Focus on carrying your baby to term and being healthy. As for your husband, work on his conscience. He'll come back begging your forgiveness...until he's in a good state, don't raise the issue with him. Lastly, don't involve your families yet but PRAY without ceasing. |
Re: I Caught My Husband Chatting With A Lady On Facebook & WhatsApp & Confronted Him by fpeter(f): 1:33pm On Aug 03, 2017 |
Lordcenturion2: You're a psychologist Odiegwu |
Re: I Caught My Husband Chatting With A Lady On Facebook & WhatsApp & Confronted Him by Boss13: 1:38pm On Aug 03, 2017 |
Guys we need to understand these women. They are very delicate and don't think like us. A women starts thinking of her wedding/marriage/husband from the age of 6 and at that age for a man, he is still considering which chew gum is sweeter or the Indomie he would take to school to show off. Now, to tell a woman all men cheat means there is no Prince Charming for them. It kills their hope and dream of a perfect handsome man who would make life purpose clearer - they don't want to hear it, they don't want to believe it. When a man cheats on a woman, it breaks them down. It makes them feel like their worthless or no longer attractive. She may even blame her children or her body shape. Listening to them gives you a perception of how hurt they become when they find out that their partner has cheated on them. Women want to feel and remain special - it is their nature. Women, most men cheat. They cheat not because they don't love you or you are no longer attractive or they are tired of you. Some cheat because they want to, others maybe they were lured to, or just want to be in the company of other women, some men have crazy sex drive. Some men have alter ego (act differently when they are with strangers) and express themselves better with other women, some men do because they can afford to do so (they are rich and powerful), some because of work and family stress and they are tired of hearing or being in it. Do women cheat - yes they do, but they would prefer stability and love and also like to share good time with someone they care about and love. This is different for men. Once you know this, it should guide you and prepare you for certain outcome. I will not advise a woman who loves her husband to challenge him on infidelity issues - she would ruin her home and her happiness. I would also like men to understand that women are not happy when they are being cheated on - well, nobody would be happy. However, no marriage is perfect and it does take a lot of hard work to keep a marriage going on. Some serious hard work and if you want to stay married, be prepared to put in the work. 1 Like |
Re: I Caught My Husband Chatting With A Lady On Facebook & WhatsApp & Confronted Him by Boss13: 1:59pm On Aug 03, 2017 |
frenzyduchess: Wrong. Again from a single girl who is not married, advising the OP to walk away from her marriage. Do you think divorce people are happy? Please don't go into marriage with this opinion. You are yet to be matured for marriage. For better for worse means for better for worse. 1 Like |
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