Daeylar:

where did I do so? where did I ask her to hate her husband?
I'm sorry what did I do?

Lol,you didn't do anything my dear, let's just advice the woman on how to overcome this phase of her marriage. No offense

herveze:
And to all the men that are pretending that men are not same,who can come out that he can travel and leave his wife for a year without cheating on her,my advice to all women is to pray for their husbands not only give their husbands sex only,is more than that,to the op the most important for u is to take the advices not minding them.thanks

. you are not man enough,and lack what it takes to be one

LoveWifee:


Funny you. Little wonder a lot of married women are becoming hoes. They have been emotionally battered to the extent they start retaliating. Don't you think blood flows through their veins too? how do you know they are differently wired? If they care only about success and less about cheating how come they fight and get so traumatized when they find another woman taking their place. Even mother Sarah couldn't stand Hagar but ordered her out.
We've got to be fair. About myself cheating, forget about it. I keep myself busy with God, Job and Family. No time for some strange ladies who were no where around me when my wife was cooking with ice fish and kpomo.
If you take ill today, I bet you those random girls will hop to the next guy. Only your wife will be with you and secure your future (Children). So why maltreat your only hope.

Now, this is a reasonable man.

Marshalxv:



Lol,you didn't do anything my dear, let's just advice the woman on how to overcome this phase of her marriage. No offense

you said I gave her more reasons to hate the man so what did I say exactly?

Daeylar:


you said I gave her more reasons to hate the man so what did I say exactly?

Lol,u still want to so this ?

OK ,go down to where u stressed out things like if a man claims he owes his wife no fidelity then the woman owes the man non as well
since its right for a man to cheat wen he's out of town ,if its also right for the woman to cheat too?

don't forget women are moved by what they read or hear,that's y I used the little child and burning flame as an illustration for u.
We all know the man was wrong in all respect but must me dwell in his wrong deed?
Thank u once again.

tomi87014:
Thanks for your swift response, to be sincere with you we still have normal sex life and everything appeared normal until i found out.

Sorry dear, this is so tough. I want to give u some advice though if u think ur marriage is worth fighting for.

1. Dont pretend. Dont hide ur hurt. If ur thinking about it, think about it. If u want to cry, cry. While ur doing all this try not to think ,"oh my life is over, im at fault", ,ur thought should be more like "life is really unfair and difficult". If the feelings are overwhelming, say a prayer for strength. Dont move out of ur home. Still pray for ur family by urself. Dont initiate prayer wt him.

2. Give ur husband space. Dont beg, dont initiate any discussion. Dont ignore. Still serve his food. Talk to him normal if its abt sthn important, or send it via text. If u need money for bills or antenatal, ask him for it. MAKE SURE YOU DO. Dont try to be independent, even if u have $1million. No fake smiles. No stiffening or harness. Just soften urself and remove all dt hatred ur building up in ur mind for him. Let all ur thoughts revolve around u and how ur feeling. Not him or what hes thinking or what hes doing or his phone or where hes spending d night.
Time to take all dt attention ur giving him and give it to urself.
If u greet him and he doesnt respond, stop greeting. If theres ever going to be a talk, let him initiate it. When he does, express urself, say what u REALLY FEEL. Let him know u will not accept dt behaviour. Moving forward let him explain in his own words what d rulesof engagement in ur rltshp will be. You have to be strong. Dont self deprecate urself throughout this conversation. Ur a human being. Ur meant to be chased, not the other way round.

3. Dont report him to friends or family. Trust me. Ur mom will give u ancient advice dt will turn u into a doormat in ur marriage. (REMEMBER no begging ur husband, u cant beg to be loved, it will only embolden him). And ur parents will never like him again even after u reconcile. Forget reporting to his family. They cant help u. It will make it worse. Ur mother in law will notice herself when she comes to take care of ur new baby. Let her start dt discussion. Not you.

4. Love yourself. Dont fall into a depression. It will only make u angry, bitter and VERY UNNATTRACTIVE. Theres nothing wrong with you. Marriage is not ur "purpose" in life. Never forget that.

5. Be in d present. Dont live in the past or the future. Take a walk. Do things u love. Listen to ur baby kick and feel the beauty of the new life in u. If u go to events with or without ur husand. Really be at the event. Not in ur head. Live in these moments. U will never get those moments back.

6. Be yourself and dont grovel for anybody. If ur tired, pls be tired and dont feel d need to cook to impress. If ur craving sthn and no one to buy it for u, pls call him to buy it. You cannot come and go and die in this pregnancy.


PS - Loads of men dont cheat, so dont believe dt nonsense. Dont lower ur expectations of ur marriage.

Amberon11:
Pls wetin concern APC for this matter now?

! Men change like APC

ikp120:
Your hubby is a real man, not all these pussy niggas we've got everywhere.

Yes, he doesn't owe you an atom of faithfulness. Dare cheat on him and he will divorce you and marry that lady.

Good Lord, please keep men like this very far away from me

mrphysics:

As a man do you think the husband meant the word? You join women to take everything serious. The man was caught in the act and he must have seen himself a coward to have ventured into such, and as a way to remain in control of his home, he reacted that way. Trust me, the man is very sorry of his action. Don't join all these nairaland women think out things that do not exist

r u now speaking for the man or r u d man,also how has he shown that he's very sorry or u assume so on his behalf.Am not a saint nd I beliv people should apologize wen dy r wrong.A sorry nd remorseful actions would av saved a whole lot.Never dish out wat u can't take nd let me tell u DAT women r aware of our sexual misbehaviours and dy r OK wen we r descret abt it,women also forgive easily,remember dis is a marriage and both party should be fully involved in making it work.All DAT woman need was an apology nd cuddles from her husby nd I bet u she won't even b here in d first place.

Boss13:


Wrong. Again from a single girl who is not married, advising the OP to walk away from her marriage. Do you think divorce people are happy? Please don't go into marriage with this opinion. You are yet to be matured for marriage. For better for worse means for better for worse.

i have seen divorced women who's lives became more peaceful after leaving their spouse that gave them constant headache. I am very mature mr advicer. Infact its better to go into marriage with less expectatiions than to be taken unawares. Happiness is a thing of the mind ,it is very wrong to hinge ones happiness on the availability of another human being especially marriage to nigerian men ,who have time and time again proven not to be reliable for companionship

peepydelano:
r u now speaking for the man or r u d man,also how has he shown that he's very sorry or u assume so on his behalf.Am not a saint nd I beliv people should apologize wen dy r wrong.A sorry nd remorseful actions would av saved a whole lot.Never dish out wat u can't take nd let me tell u DAT women r aware of our sexual misbehaviours and dy r OK wen we r descret abt it,women also forgive easily,remember dis is a marriage and both party should be fully involved in making it work.All DAT woman need was an apology nd cuddles from her husby nd I bet u she won't even b here in d first place.

Seems you don't know how women analyze things. You don't know when it happened and when she posted it. She did not state everything and how it has been going in the house as we speak. So you never can tell what is going on. Stop talking for likes and be matured. Do you think the man want the marriage to end? It is normal for him to put up a defensive attitude even when he knows he is wrong.

Maximus85:


You checked your husband's phone and you found what you were looking for. Isn't it?.
Now live with it. If you leave, the Facebook girl will replace you. Just be wise. Pray and take care of yourself.

Oh lawd
She is going to be replacing her in misery, tears, disrespectful slurs which emanates from the hubby, so what is there to envy?
Abeg the other woman outside should please come and collect him, the same cain thay was used to beat the first wife will also be used on the second,

PS - he might have done nothing yet, just playing wt fire. A wise man once told me dt men get angry and defensive when theyve bn caught doing sthn wrong. Trust me he knows hes wrong.
So let him come and apologize to u.

[quote author=ajaniogun14 post=59096115]My response is coming late. Hope you get to read it. First, not all men/relationships are the same, so what works in one union may not be effective in another. Therefore, I will task you to cast your mind back to your "before marriage" acts. You have missed something along the way which made him find alternative outside.

Secondly, when couples have babies early in marriage, the man tends to drift cos the woman comes with acts/behaviors the man was not used to and a quick fix is a side chick. Retrace your steps.

While am not in support of a side chick, my experience has taught me that a sane man knows the difference between a wife and side chick. While the wife is for keeps, the side chick is temporal. In my case, my side chick back then made me treat my wife best and honestly indirectly. Now that she found out about the side chick, I am more calm with my wife and faithful, but I still miss my side chicks.

What she did was simple, she didn't take it as an advantage to find side-bobo or cause issues at home rather, she teases me about them and asks about their welfare to the extent that shame catch me and I had to delete them myself.

While you may not be able ti do what my wife did, I instruct you to find what brings peace and not rancour as rancour would push him more outside and not care whose ox is gored. Lastly, PRAY.[/quote]

I hope you will do the same when she cheats on You, i mean, teasing her and asking about the well beings of her lovers

mrphysics:

Seems you don't know how women analyze things. You don't know when it happened and when she posted it. She did not state everything and how it has been going in the house as we speak. So you never can tell what is going on. Stop talking for likes and be matured. Do you think the man want the marriage to end? It is normal for him to put up a defensive attitude even when he knows he is wrong.

dis is marriage my broda not relationship. he's got some guts to av boldly told her he doesn't owe her fidelity nd bliv me some men still bliv in dis,nd he's fully aware of her condition, dats bad nd hurtful.for God sakes,dis lady is pregnant nd he is pregnant too by reasoning her healthwise nd emotionally. If u wana cheat,don't be caught.u r funny to tynk I care abt some profitless likes,dats funny.

ApostleJSuleman:
keep quiet my friend, what do u know Why should a woman cheat?? Is she mad?? Don't you know it is a man's world?? U better stop this stupid feminist idea of yours for your own good... Rubbish.
People are talking something reasonable you are talking of a woman cheating
Cheat ko, cheater ni

Uncle soldier , sooooo a woman is not supposed to cheat you say? But why is he allowing a woman to cheat with him then, or is he cheating with a goat Nii?

Jahblessme:
As usual nairaland resident bingos have started crawling out of their holes to tell you this is normal behaviour and ask you to pray.They are the sort of men your husband is mingling with encouraging him to be a dog like them because they have no self control & believe every man is born with no moral compass.

My dear OP,when he told you he doesn't owe you faithfulness what did you do?were you there looking at him like an olodo or did you defend your union and your beliefs there and then?I will give you small space for shock to settle in but after then what next?

Did you woman up and speak clearly ,sharply and concisely about your expectations to him?

Did you ask him if he doesn't owe you faithfulness are you also free to assume that you do not owe fidelity to him as well?

Did you marry an ancestor that you are a slave to?Your age gap looks like its from 8-10 years-did he pay for your schooling?Do you have a job and contribute to your home?Even if you do not work ,you care for your home and do housework,is that appreciated? I'm asking these questions cos that is what usually gives some people guts to misbehave.When you are helpless and especially have no source of income and they know it.Regardless,no one deserved to be hurt in this manner.

It is a free world and people are free to voice their opinion o but for a man to come out less than two years after marriage to boldly say he doesn't owe you faithfulness,he must feel you are waaay beneath him to be respected.

When you signed the dotted lines you did not sign up to be cheated on,you did not sign up to be exposed to STDs,please relay that to him without apologies.

I find it hard to believe that this man hasn't always been this way.No normal loving partner would be this bold.There are plenty issues lurking,there must be heavy disrespect in other aspects of your marriage ,its just that this one has pained you more than the others.

As you can read i'm not into begging or pampering when you are not at fault ,you should be the one who is begged and pampered after your discovery. If you begin to wail and beg and gnash your teeth,you will continue like this for the rest of your marriage-this is what the bingos will ask you to do to 'save your marriage',thereby putting you at a huge disadvantage and at the mercy of a human being like you(born of a woman just like you).Please learn to stand up for yourself-calm measured discussion ,no huffing and puffing,no begging.Just clear statement of facts.
After this discussion you can now decide your next steps.

Good Luck.

Hmmmm. I think you are bent on destroying this woman's union. Her patience and silence will speak more than you asking her to beat the drum of war. Please prepare to marry her once she get booted out of her home.
What the husband is going through is a faze which he will get over. And that's if the lady didn't complicate things.

PaperLace:


Very irritating posts. There is no human that isn't capable of cheating. It's all about self-control and that ability to be repentant if you ever get entangled in it. Not endorsing it as normal.



Just take a look at the pathetic reason this one gave.
His pregnant wife denied him sex, lots of pregnant women find sex during pregnancy painful and irritating. Instead of him to help her dress better/have a stress free pregnancy period _he quickly decided to CHEAT and has the audacity to say it. Does it ever occur to these kind of men that women also get unattracted to them or they think they are hot like Trey Songz.

Talking about enjoyment while single. I pray our sons grow to be more reasonable. Some men are just horsebands.

Thank You, with their potbellies, some don't even visit the gym, smack their lips while eating, snore heavily on bed like a castrated cow , always complaining about what they are not

Malawian:

your problem is that u are pregnant. it happens to all men to lose sex drive during pregnancy. Everything will be back to normal after child birth.

So whenever she gets pregnant she should expect this, oooh I forgot, she impregnated herself.

Many ladies have lost their husbands simply by acting stupid
1: LOVE is not forever and if you got married because LOVE was involved, when it fades so will your marriage
2: Everyone is Human and has the likelihood to CHEAT.. we are all Sinners everyone - no one is above infidelity and every one will commit it in one way or the other.
3: Confrontation has never worked well in this condition and many women know it because they have heard of the outcome from several women going through the same thing. A Man will either do the following when confronted
a: Feel Guilty and Ask for Forgiveness but never repent of his actions - he will continue
b: Beat the shit out of you for asking - usually women don't ask , they become angry, aggressive, abusive and loud
c: Pretend to Repent and Act Romatic to make you feel secure.. then they tighten-up their game by getting another phone/number you will never see in the house or on him.

WHAT YOU SHOULD DO IMMEDIATELY
1: Resolve not to report this matter to Friends or Family this is an in-house matter not to be discussed outside
2: Establish or determine the level of infidelity to know how much of your marriage you can recover (if it is not beyond recovery)
3: Have a personal improvement plan - Physical (Fitness and Appearance), Education (Intelligence) and Career-wise - Men are attracted to these qualities in a woman.

Infidelity is not instantaneous, your husband did not cheat on you out of the blues, the conditions for his infidelity were gradual and progressive which means you were actively involved and did not nip it in the bud or were too naive to notice.

Things Married/Dating women should absolutely avoid
1: Not taking care of Health and Fitness
2: Not noticing Trends in Fashion
3: Not improving on their Education - Always improve your knowledge and skills because the future is uncertain and LOVE does not overcome all things
4: Arguments and Quarrels do not make the relationship stronger - it makes it weaker and the couples distant and detached (a very good condition for cheating)
5: Be a Smart-woman.. never ask questions in an accusing manner - We women all do this regularly and fail to notice the resulting behavior from our husbands. e.g when he is late from work.. instead of calling and asking WHERE ARE YOU! can't you see it is late? send a text message "Dinner is getting cold, should I warm it or wait till you get in?" or "Drive safe honey, it is getting late. love babe" or something less confrontational.. simply because "WHERE ARE YOU?" the Age-old silly question does not solve any problems you might have?

herveze:
To be sincere with you,all men are like that including me,but I will just say women cause most of it,let me ask some questions,what are the things u av stop doing to ur husband? Are u still attractive to him? My experience I av with my wife was that when she got pregnant she started refused me sex and dress anyhow she likes, and to be frank with u don't expect men to forget all the enjoyment when he was single just like that,I will advice u not to fight with him but know what he want from you and also pray to God to bring him back to u,I know he will come back to you,that was what my wife did and I av changed now and we are happy

You both were very lucky, Weldon.

adanny01:


My wife caught me 3 weeks ago with a chat worst than your hubby's. We called ourselves so many endearing names like bae, baby, love etc.

We never arranged to meet. From our coversation my wife concluded i was already cheating.

However, evidence does not match up to the reality. The girl in question is a friend to my friend's fiancee. We met at their marriage introduction though we never spoke. We had an evening outing as friends of bride and groom. One guy showed interest on her, they were an item that day but she confided in my friend's fiancee that it was me she wanted. My friend's fiancee told her am married but she insisted. The bride to be told me everything but i didnt react.

After some months, the bride to be's mother passed and we went for the wake keep and met but didnt speak again. The bride again told me the girl is still asking her questions about me. At this point, i collected her contact but didnt call and we just started chatting on whatsapp. At a point she asked for recharge card and i sent her with no objections. My wife saw the chat and concluded but actually i have no relationship with the girl.

How can my wife ever know that the kind of relationship she saw on the chat doesnot exist or doesn't translate to a physical emotion? I was just playing along and we live in different states.

I acted like your hubby, i had no relationship and everything i say would not be believed since it contradicts to what i replied in the chats. So i told my wife to do her worst. Ofcoure my wife will not divorce me over a relationship she cannot proof.



Funny enough, the same friend of mine offered me a girl on WhatsApp saying "i have one sweet girl for you, the kind i know you like". I asked him when he became a love-vendor, we joked and laughed. My wife saw that joke too but never knew its a joke. No one will know its a joke, he was pulling my legs. He even sent a random pic of a beautiful girl.

There is another story of a girl i asked to send her account details but wont bore you with more stories.

Sometimes, you will never understand the context of the chat or the thought process of someone during the chat. Its better to stay off.

Why are you doing all of that in the first place, a married man still feeling fly, calling ladies other than his wife bae, love and what's not.
You knew she wanted you,despite being married and you indulged her stupidity, and brought your wife low before her with all those unnecessary flirting knowing fully well there is something called emotional cheating.

If i want to cheat, my wife cannot stop me so no amount of monitoring would, it will just cause her health problems and damage our relationship. If my wife wants to have a good marriage relationship, she should stay off my phone.

It won't cause her any health problem, don't blow your horn, it will only damage your relationship of which will affect you also.
Stop all these hanky panky and focus on your marriage, so many unnecessary interactions between you and these single ladies.

successinlife:


Truth hurts,the percentage of happy home is less than 10% worldwide,rich and poor are not left out.Do you think dumping his man is the best solution?you will be in for a shocker,alot of good ladies run into eat and run guys while alot of good men end up with slay queens, the possibility of Op jumping from frying pan to fire is 90%.It is better to find out the cause of her husband behaviour and sort things out.

@ Treasuredlove, you can't know me more than i know myself,even her parents know the type of person i am.Simple miscalculation in marriage can ruin the whole family.A side ckick/unmarried lady is not because d lady is bad,you don't know what makes her still single.Everybody with his own cross.Good woman yes but good is not enough if a woman can't protect her home,her husband is inclusive.

Holier than thou takes us nowhere,most Countries that put holiness as their badge are the most corrupt in the world.

oh wow....seriously? It takes only the woman to make a home? And its okay for a stranger(side chick) to criticise your wife? Na wa o. Infact, I no get strength to argue, na una understand unaself
On being a single lady....I don't care what makes her single but I do know she lacks enough morals to be sleeping with a married man and at the same time insulting his wife .....fullstop. That's enough for me

LoveWifee:


Funny you. Little wonder a lot of married women are becoming hoes. They have been emotionally battered to the extent they start retaliating. Don't you think blood flows through their veins too? how do you know they are differently wired? If they care only about success and less about cheating how come they fight and get so traumatized when they find another woman taking their place. Even mother Sarah couldn't stand Hagar but ordered her out.
We've got to be fair. About myself cheating, forget about it. I keep myself busy with God, Job and Family. No time for some strange ladies who were no where around me when my wife was cooking with ice fish and kpomo.
If you take ill today, I bet you those random girls will hop to the next guy. Only your wife will be with you and secure your future (Children). So why maltreat your only hope.

Amen

mrsmith11:


I know you are trying to be realistic that alot of men cheat but there are still some very discipline ones.

I can boldly say that I had only visited Nigeria twice in d last four and half years (41/2) have been away and I have never kissed nor touched another woman (sexually).

So alot of us are still much faithful to our partner

Men like you are rare, keep it up

ikp120:
Your hubby is a real man, not all these pussy niggas we've got everywhere.

Yes, he doesn't owe you an atom of faithfulness. Dare cheat on him and he will divorce you and marry that lady.

And if worse comes to that and he divorce her to marry the other lady, has the world come to an end

Remember op, there are many men who are attracted to pregnant women. I should know... Take that information and dwell on it. I'm not encouraging sexual adultery but being pregnant does not stop your beauty...nor free dinners men may offer.

Adorbs:

Why are you doing all of that in the first place, a married man still feeling fly, calling ladies other than his wife bae, love and what's not.
You knew she wanted you,despite being married and you indulged her stupidity, and brought your wife low before her with all those unnecessary flirting knowing fully well there is something called emotional cheating.

If i want to cheat, my wife cannot stop me so no amount of monitoring would, it will just cause her health problems and damage our relationship. If my wife wants to have a good marriage relationship, she should stay off my phone.

It won't cause her any health problem, don't blow your horn, it will only damage your relationship of which will affect you also.
Stop all these hanky panky and focus on your marriage, so many unnecessary interactions between you and these single ladies.

What is emotional cheating? How can i be cheating on my wife when i have never spoken to this girl. How can i have emotional feelings for some one who i feel nothing for?

Trust me, i know when i am cheating whether emotionally or otherwise. So you or my wife or anybody cannot accuse me of cheating. If you do, i wont offer you any explanation because i know the truth. When i am really at fault i will apologise and do everything to mend up. I wont be apologising for things i didnt do.

Besides, i should tell my friends to stop joking with me especially as regards opposite sex because my wife will browse through my phone.

When a twin sister to a girl you previously dated out of the blue asks you for money on facebook messanger, how woulf you react. In my case i couldnt believe it so i asked her to send her acc details. I wanted to know if her fb acc was hacked and didnt expect the hacker to send his acc details. She did and it was her acc details. I had no intention to give this girl �.

When a third party views our chat he will think i was actually going to give but in my case i knew i wasnt and just did a test to satisfy my curiosity.

Have i cheated on my wife emotionally or financially. If my wife sees that chat, should i apologize for doing wrong. What was my wrong doing?

You better advise the op to stop looking through her hubby's phone, it may not be what she thinks. It creates less problems in the marriage if she stops. Its better to contract a PI than constantly look through my phone.

jy2kbeyond:

Hmmmm. I think you are bent on destroying this woman's union. Her patience and silence will speak more than you asking her to beat the drum of war. Please prepare to marry her once she get booted out of her home.
What the husband is going through is a faze which he will get over. And that's if the lady didn't complicate things.

You think this is a phase?? If she doesnt arrest this situation now it becomes her life story. She will b on the receiving end till death. She will be in a marriage just for sake of answering "mrs" or her kids. If he has he guts to say to her face this crap then beating follows next. This how they start next people will advice her to keep praying whole it deteriorates into domestic violence.
I just hop for her sake that he had a bad day that made him sprurr such rubbish to her and such idiotic speech won't emanate from his guts ever again. Lady b on the alert, look out for signs and prepare yourself. You shouldn't be with a man who's not ready to build a home. Or a man who can't accept and own up to his faults. The worst are unapologetic men. You can't ever win or get even with such.

PaperLace:


THERE IS NO TRUTH IN YOUR STATEMENT!

ALL MEN ARE NOT THE SAME!
ALL MEN DON'T CHEAT ON THEIR WIVES!
ALL MEN ARE NOT INSENSITIVE TO THEIR WIVES FEELINGS!
ALL MEN DON'T TAKE THE EASY WAY OUT.

It's people like you that gives small-small girls guts to generalize all men are dogs. Please, speak for yourself next time, or the men in your circle alone.

Men are everywhere, it's husband that's scarce. Husband that'll give you peace of mind. Not horseband that saddles you with the burden of "keeping" him.

My partner is the best in the world, ain't no man like him. Comments like yours make me happy for other women who also have real kings for husbands. Gosh! God is so good, I am so lucky and blessed with a real life angel #TrueLifeHero God blessed me with a true king and I can die to save him any time any day and vice versa. Anyone woman saying all me are unclean are just unlucky and with the wrong man or have bad fathers. Also those boys who think it's natural for them to cheat have played life and had their sick hearts broken beyond repair. #BeGoodStayCleanAndGoodWillComeToYou #GodWillSurelyBlessYouItsAFact

tomi87014:
Think he is just carried away with the lady. He didn't tell me he would cheat on me in marriage or he wasn't obliged to be faithful to me. I even told him he would've told me all this before marriage that he deceived me. The terms would've been clearly spelt out. Like i said earlier, i am badly hurt that he is treating me this way because i didn't expect it from him. If its someone i expected such from, maybe i would've reacted differently.

Something must have triggered this new attitude. He probably just leant something about your past.

Every husband gets angry when he remembers or realises the past dark lifestyle of their wife

u still be a lot of work to do.pray for him .I believe there is nothing prayer can't do.even some of this men that cheats it's not their wish but they are weak to overcome temptation. not in ur husband's case dou,since hr is not sober about it.