₦airaland Forum

layzie:
@ brokenangel2
U need to think backwards to when this behaviour started so u can deduce the trigger. The problem is that you have allowed it continue for so long with out addressing the root cause.

A lot of men stop caring when they feel they are not being cared for. That's what the sidechicks have over wives. Do u still make his meals? Do u serve them once he gets home? Simple things like this matter a lot to a man. There are cases of women who would rather continue with zeeworld instead of getting up to meet and serve their husbands once they get home, or go to meet him if he comes in and goes straight to the room. Make your husband the most important item when u r at home.

Way forward :
He comes back by 12 midnight again, allow him 10mins to settle in then go and meet him there on the couch. Talk to him gently, tell him how much u have missed and want him. If he's in the mood to talk, good for u... Express your pains and ask for a change. He will also give his reasons. If he's in no mood to talk, try initiate intimacy, go on even if he doesn't respond immediately. Lay there with him. Next morning, wake up early and prepare his breakfast. While he's at break fast, ask what he will like for dinner and make it available. Continue this way and add other things u know he likes until he comes around.


You will be surprised what timely and enjoyable meals can do to even the most stubborn man.

Possibly. But the problem is, why can't he say that he's not properly cared for? Why doesn't he engage in conversations to eliminate this assumed uncaring attitude? For me, the idea of communicating less over a long period, as a means of punishment or protest, is very dumb. When a person doesn't want to talk things out what then do they want? What exactly will his monotheistic leadership achieve?

Brokenangel2:
I just came back to see if anyone took out time to drop a word or two for me. I really appreciate your inputs. Prayers? I'm ashamed to say I'm tired of praying. We don't even have our morning devotions again. I'm even afraid that this atmosphere is unhealthy for my kids. I don't even feel like going to church today, though my beautiful new dress was ironed yesterday. I'm just tired of smiling outside when I'm actually dying inside. I wish this is a dream or novel. That's my life ooo, last night I felt like ending it all, this morning I feel like holding on whether he shows me affection or not. Loneliness is my best friend. You know what? I'll appreciate it if you all share this story on every social platform you know, especially Facebook. He's active there, he will read it somehow. He will know I wrote this, he just knows how I can pen down my feelings. God bless you all.

Please calm down, God is still working. i so much feel for you. just keep enduring and continue loving your husband. Why i said you should continue praying is because, who knows wheather he is been controlled by another woman. pray for him. In due time God will intervain.. And please dont share most of your secrets concerning this to everybody, your enemies might see it as an opportunity to backstab you.
GOD BE WITH YOU my sister

Sapiosexuality:
Possibly. But the problem is, why can't he say that he's not properly cared for? Why doesn't he engage in conversations to eliminate this assumed uncaring attitude? For me, the idea of communicating less over a long period, as a means of punishment or protest, is very dumb. When a person doesn't want to talk things out what then do they want? What exactly will his monotheistic leadership achieve?

He may have once or twice without any change, he may not. I don't know if that's even the problem. That's y I referred her to when the issue started.

FortuneTeller:
This is similar to my marriage except I'm no longer interested in my husband sexually. The lack of good quality sex turned me away from him. We are just good friends. However I don't like porn. I need the real thing. So I will just meet a nice guy and go from there. Please don't kill anyone. It's better to leave or have an affair.

Lmfao!

One of your threads comes to mind: "My Sister Married An Impotent Man"

I think I know who it was that married an impotent man.

YabaLeftist:
Lmfao!

One of your threads comes to mind: "My Sister Married An Impotent Man"

I think I know who it was that married an impotent man.

For your mind you be FBI

Connoisseur:
For your mind you be FBI

No, CIA.

Brokenangel2:
How do you know if there's anything you did, when he insist you've done nothing? Pity from public? Public that don't even know me in real life? No I don't seek that. I just felt like lifting the pains off my chest a little. For the records, what I wrote here is a tip of the iceberg. I'm not saying I'm an angel.. . But if God decides to judge I and him, he'll die before the end of today because he has done abominable things to me.

I feel for you, some men are just like this. Dont even know what to say to you. I have a relative who treated his wife this way for 17 years. He finally told his new wife that his wife did nothing to him, but immediately after they got married, he realised he never loved her and has been living in regret for all these years. Very shocking but true. Seriously dont know what to tell you but i know that no matter what happens to me in life, my happiness comes first. If i am the one in this kind of union, hell been damned, i wont cheat while in marriage but separation is just the best solution but never abandon ur kids as a woman but separation is d best tin not divorce. You give yourself time to get your mental state in order so you dont do something you will regret or that back fires. Consider separation not divorce.

YabaLeftist:
Lmfao!

One of your threads comes to mind: "My Sister Married An Impotent Man"

I think I know who it was that married an impotent man.

My husband is not impotent. He has a big dick and it gets hard as a rock. He's a lazy lover and religious fanatic when it comes to sex. I don't have time for that. After I deliver this baby, I'm going out.

layzie:
He may have once or twice without any change, he may not. I don't know if that's even the problem. That's y I referred her to when the issue started.

Interesting! Assuming he did once or twice, haven't she served enough penance to be listened to? I just hope he's not got himself a mistress. There's how deep a punishment can be that it becomes counterproductive. I'd only advise she looks for a means to break that communication barrier.

FortuneTeller:
My husband is not impotent. He has a big dick and it gets hard as a rock. He's a lazy lover and religious fanatic when it comes to sex. I don't have time for that. After I deliver this baby, I'm going out.

Okay. By all means do.

KingEbukasBlog:
I think there's more to this story you posted here. But you've failed to tell us what led to the present situation in your marriage . A man cannot just grow to neglect his wife sexually or affectionately. I think the solution would be found if thou knoweth the cause or possible causes .
But it's okay if you wana keep that private . No qualms. But know this :

Kvetching yields no solution
Crying yields no solution
Action does

Faith is simply work . Start doing something and watch how faith expedites the transformation .

Be ready to accept the blame if need be . Most people still face difficult problems because they have bluntly refused to accept the blame and work towards a solution. It's natural to play the victim to obtain sympathy or support from the public , but that's all you gona get .

Be ready to try new things to save your marriage . Don't think you've done it all , accept failure in the face of possibilities and youve lost and lost forever. Please ignore anyone who tries to force you into a false dilemma : walk away or commit adultery .

Remain blessed !

Don't know how old you are, but you have spoken like an elder.

I strongly believe that there is more to this story, unless the husband is a psychopath, deviod of any feelings.

Another thing that has raised a red flag with OP for me is talked about harming herself and her family. This shows that OP has deep unresolved issues bigger than her marriage.

Brokenangel2:
It's almost 12 midnight and I heard the door to the sitting room open. He walked in and of course slumps into one of the sofa where he'll sleep till tomorrow. It's either the sitting room or the children's room. This life... .. .. I was barely 23yrs old when we got married and he's few years older. I actually thought he was all over me, now I look back and believe all that was pretence. Where have I gone wrong? I love this guy in a manner that makes me doubt my own sanity. Yes.. . I doubt if all is well with my brain. It amazes me why I still put up with a man who doesn't deserve even a prostitute. A man who has no regard for me, not even an iota of it. A man who thinks he is alpha and omega. I literally adores him, even after two kids in our marriage I break necks when I walk the streets. I am neater and sexier than most single ladies out there. I respect him, I'm a good cook, educated, brilliant, smart and beautiful. Nobody who knows me will believe I'm passing through hell in the hands of a man I love with all my heart. This life... It's damn funny how even my female friends jokingly ask me if my hubby let's me sleep at night. Who will believe me that we've been intimate just twice thrice this year. Those were even in the early months. This is not the first time he is depriving me of intimacy for months. It's just that for the first time... I'm seeing possibilities of me having an affair. Did I just say that? *sobs* Me of all women? The one who prides in her fidelity as a married woman? The same woman who brags that even at gunpoint, no other man will have his way? The same woman who says even for a trillion pounds? Hahaha this life is really unfair. The once virtuous woman now stays up late into the night watching pornographic films while masturbating. How I feel like stabbing myself to death each time. The guilt on my face when I look at my innocent kids sleeping peacefully on my matrimonial bed which I now share with them. My husband is now my flatmate. Now that God has taken us to a height of relaxation, he chose to spite me. I've tried all I can to breach the gap between us but to no avail. I've been the one begging for affection and even sex. To hell with sex, I can do without it for years but God knows lack of affection will be my death. I keep telling him that he'll look back one day and regret all of this, it's one thing I'm sure of. I didn't force myself on him to marry me. I didn't tie him with any pregnancy. Why me of all people? I love my kids more than life itself, a thousand times I've made up my mind to walk out. I'm not scared of facing life without him, he knows I'm a legit hustler who can place food on the table for myself and the kids. I'm more scared of becoming everything I swore never to be. I'm more scared of even killing him, myself or the kids out of depression one day. I'm so confused, I'm a shadow of myself. I'm breaking each passing day. I'm loosing hope each passing day. The worst of it is that he doesn't believe in communication. He just won't let that happen. How do I let him know he is slowly rewriting all the plans we had for ourselves and the kids? How do I let him know these kids we both adore will suffer most anyday I lose grip and decide to let go? How do I let him know that I wake up some nights, walk over to where he is sleeping, stare at him with so much anguish, pain and tears... While fighting back the urge to just stab him to death. How do I let him know that the true love I have for him is gradually turning into pure hatred? How do I let him know that I'm not sure of the next thing I might do? How do I open his eyes to see what those strange women have succeeded in doing to us? No ooooo I refuse to join you in the madness, adultery is one sin I've sworn NEVER to commit. I'll take a walk. I don't even know if I'm making sense at all but my chest is sooooooo heavy tonight.

its ok every thing will be fyn. you can still find happiness in marriage. sometimes you think the solution is with the other person but its autually with you. if he once loved u enough to marry you then he can still love you again. from wat I can see you are to self conscious. has he ever told you your selfish if he has den I think I have your solution and trust me its more than prayers. you watch porn not because you are a bad person but because you are trying to fill an emptiness inside. if you are sure you want your marriage to work do one of the two read books on marriage or books on human relationship you will see were you are making errors and you know hw to deal with difficult people. I can help with so many good read. am sure you can still make it work

Sapiosexuality:
Interesting! Assuming he did once or twice, haven't she served enough penance to be listened to? I just hope he's not got himself a mistress. There's how deep a punishment can be that it becomes counterproductive. I'd only advise she looks for a means to break that communication barrier.

My dear, just wait for op to respond and take it from there. We don't know what the man's issues are and we shouldn't be guessing. It's for her to find out first.

Yawns

Op take heart marriage is nt a bed of roses, it's full of ups and downs. But why do some men marry a young woman below 40 yrs n refuse to fuc.k her for several months dts wickedness

dingbang:
Prayers prayers prayers.



Go to Jesus in the blessed sacrament and begin to cry just like Hannah did.

so u think she has not been praying?. abi na u sabi pray pass?

msheeeeew

darlenese:
so u think she has not been praying?. abi na u sabi pray pass?

msheeeeew

I thought it was written we should pray without ceasing...

YabaLeftist:
Lmfao!

One of your threads comes to mind: "My Sister Married An Impotent Man"

I think I know who it was that married an impotent man.

Hmmmm, Nairaland is full of such stories, they are referring to themselves but they will say, I am asking on behalf of a friend, next story jare, fake people online

YabaLeftist:
Lmfao!

One of your threads comes to mind: "My Sister Married An Impotent Man"

I think I know who it was that married an impotent man.

why are u trying to make mockery of her, do u think its easy to share one's pain in a public forum.?

...

dingbang:
I thought it was written we should pray without ceasing...

not applicable all the time.
Jacob ran away from his angry brother after taking his blessing. he could have prayed but the best thing to do at that moment was to run for his life.

that's why the Bible says "wisdom is profitable to direct "

darlenese:
not applicable all the time.
Jacob ran away from his angry brother after taking his blessing. he could have prayed but the best thing to do at that moment was to run for his life.

that's why the Bible says "wisdom is profitable to direct "

well you have a point.

what happen the very first day he started sleeping in the sitting room? Most women create problems unconsciously and will never tell themselves the truth instead they will go around gathering support and sympathy from family members and the society. The solution to your problem lies just within. Some women think after 3 years and above in marriage, they can start insulting and disrespecting the man any how and nothing will happen. Some men will beat and forget while others will be quiet but make sure you pay for your actions for the the rest of the marriage. Ask him to forgive you if you have wrong him in any way. A man can not just get up one day and start behaving funny without a reason

MizzD:
Women have too much to give in marriage and this really bothers me. The moment you get married, you get pressured into having kids. You successfully achieve that, you worry about nurturing them, sometimes career sacrifices are made for these kids. You endure sleepless nights to nuture these kids, and while sacrificing it all, you have to worry about getting your body (Tommy, vagina, what have you) back in shape to prevent your husband from straying. You worry about picking up your career or academics where you left it.

If you're unable to bear kids or choose to delay a little to focus more on your career, you are also at a risk of losing this man to aspiring baby mamas or crazy exes.

You are also expected to bring something to the table hustle with the man, while you perform all wifely duties alongside. Sometimes i think these sacrifices can be so challenging and when a woman is unfortunate to have a husband who doesn't appreciate all that is done to keep it all together, you begin to wonder if it's ever really worth it.

Madam Op, the solution to your problem lies between you two. If your husband does not encourage verbal communication, pls write to him. There's no point reaching out to him via social media when you can pen all these frustrations down for him to read too.

Except you are being punished for a sin or you married a robot, you should demand and get a response / reaction or whatever and then you take it from there. Be firm and sort things out. Demand answers. Be ready to accept and admit your flaws. Address ALL related and unrelated issues that got you both to this stage and get yourself out of this misery. The outcome of your communication will determine your next line of action.

Lastly, if you keep nursing the thoughts of killing anyone, pls stay away from that environment to cool off. We have enough murder cases biko.

after readin your first paragraph i believe all women deserve the best from their hubby.....the sacrifice is BIG....KUDOS TO ALL WOMEN OUT THERE.....ko easy...at all....

njele:
what happen the very first day he started sleeping in the sitting room? Most women create problems unconsciously and will never tell themselves the truth instead they will go around gathering support and sympathy from family members and the society. The solution to your problem lies just within. Some women think after 3 years and above in marriage, they can start insulting and disrespecting the man any how and nothing will happen. Some men will beat and forget while others will be quiet but make sure you pay for your actions for the the rest of the marriage. Ask him to forgive you if you have wrong him in any way. A man can not just get up one day and start behaving funny without a reason

it's pathetic that there are still people like u who believes if anything goes wrong in a marriage, then it's the woman's fault, it's painful enough that it is only women who goes through the pain of trying to fix the marriage and all the man does is jump from one hole to another, before u come here and blame women, put ur mother, sisters and aunt in her shoes.
it's painful enough already dnt add insult to injury, every woman deserves the best.

Brokenangel2:
I just came back to see if anyone took out time to drop a word or two for me. I really appreciate your inputs. Prayers? I'm ashamed to say I'm tired of praying. We don't even have our morning devotions again. I'm even afraid that this atmosphere is unhealthy for my kids. I don't even feel like going to church today, though my beautiful new dress was ironed yesterday. I'm just tired of smiling outside when I'm actually dying inside. I wish this is a dream or novel. That's my life ooo, last night I felt like ending it all, this morning I feel like holding on whether he shows me affection or not. Loneliness is my best friend. You know what? I'll appreciate it if you all share this story on every social platform you know, especially Facebook. He's active there, he will read it somehow. He will know I wrote this, he just knows how I can pen down my feelings. God bless you all.

Have a boyfriend, it is the simple solution.

Brokenangel2:
It's almost 12 midnight and I heard the door to the sitting room open. He walked in and of course slumps into one of the sofa where he'll sleep till tomorrow. It's either the sitting room or the children's room. This life... .. .. I was barely 23yrs old when we got married and he's few years older. I actually thought he was all over me, now I look back and believe all that was pretence. Where have I gone wrong? I love this guy in a manner that makes me doubt my own sanity. Yes.. . I doubt if all is well with my brain. It amazes me why I still put up with a man who doesn't deserve even a prostitute. A man who has no regard for me, not even an iota of it. A man who thinks he is alpha and omega. I literally adores him, even after two kids in our marriage I break necks when I walk the streets. I am neater and sexier than most single ladies out there. I respect him, I'm a good cook, educated, brilliant, smart and beautiful. Nobody who knows me will believe I'm passing through hell in the hands of a man I love with all my heart. This life... It's damn funny how even my female friends jokingly ask me if my hubby let's me sleep at night. Who will believe me that we've been intimate just twice thrice this year. Those were even in the early months. This is not the first time he is depriving me of intimacy for months. It's just that for the first time... I'm seeing possibilities of me having an affair. Did I just say that? *sobs* Me of all women? The one who prides in her fidelity as a married woman? The same woman who brags that even at gunpoint, no other man will have his way? The same woman who says even for a trillion pounds? Hahaha this life is really unfair. The once virtuous woman now stays up late into the night watching pornographic films while masturbating. How I feel like stabbing myself to death each time. The guilt on my face when I look at my innocent kids sleeping peacefully on my matrimonial bed which I now share with them. My husband is now my flatmate. Now that God has taken us to a height of relaxation, he chose to spite me. I've tried all I can to breach the gap between us but to no avail. I've been the one begging for affection and even sex. To hell with sex, I can do without it for years but God knows lack of affection will be my death. I keep telling him that he'll look back one day and regret all of this, it's one thing I'm sure of. I didn't force myself on him to marry me. I didn't tie him with any pregnancy. Why me of all people? I love my kids more than life itself, a thousand times I've made up my mind to walk out. I'm not scared of facing life without him, he knows I'm a legit hustler who can place food on the table for myself and the kids. I'm more scared of becoming everything I swore never to be. I'm more scared of even killing him, myself or the kids out of depression one day. I'm so confused, I'm a shadow of myself. I'm breaking each passing day. I'm loosing hope each passing day. The worst of it is that he doesn't believe in communication. He just won't let that happen. How do I let him know he is slowly rewriting all the plans we had for ourselves and the kids? How do I let him know these kids we both adore will suffer most anyday I lose grip and decide to let go? How do I let him know that I wake up some nights, walk over to where he is sleeping, stare at him with so much anguish, pain and tears... While fighting back the urge to just stab him to death. How do I let him know that the true love I have for him is gradually turning into pure hatred? How do I let him know that I'm not sure of the next thing I might do? How do I open his eyes to see what those strange women have succeeded in doing to us? No ooooo I refuse to join you in the madness, adultery is one sin I've sworn NEVER to commit. I'll take a walk. I don't even know if I'm making sense at all but my chest is sooooooo heavy tonight.

I wonder what's happening to marriages and real love these days. Sometimes I become afraid of even getting married. However, I've sworn to follow my dad's footsteps; to go against all odds, just to love my future wife and make her happy till death do us part.

...look for a way to talk to him, either through his parents, mentor or some friends he listens to. Please, don't think of anything silly, it will hurt you eventually.

FortuneTeller:
This is similar to my marriage except I'm no longer interested in my husband sexually. The lack of good quality sex turned me away from him. We are just good friends. However I don't like porn. I need the real thing. So I will just MEET A NICE GUY AND GO FROM THERE. Please don't kill anyone. It's better to leave or have an affair.

Sorry to bother u ma'am but what if he(husband)finds out?of which i know he will.

Iwillbealright:
Sorry to bother u ma'am but what if he(husband)finds out?of which i know he will.

I don't think it would matter as long as I kept it private and didn't divorce him. I've told him several times but he takes it as a joke. He says I should be careful because HIV is out there.

You need not do something irrational, despite the voice of the evil ones whispering into your thoughts. I feel something had triggered such a sudden change in behaviour, and it'll take eternity speculating what it could be.

Kindly take time to watch this movie "Keregbe" via YouTube, please. He needs to tell you the reason he's changed, cause you deserve an explanation, not outright rejection. Continue to do your best in carrying out your spousal responsibilities to him and your kids, with love. Trust me, God sees what you're going through and it'll end in praise by His grace.

In case he isn't willing to open up, perhaps after several attempts with persuasion, l'll advise you speak to an elder who's still married, and who can speak to him. I pray God heals your broken heart in Jesus' name. Stay blessed!

just ask him one question,
has he been reading trash on how to treat women from nairaland he has probably been taking them serious.

where is the idea of killing coming from