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Today's Experience Changed My View On Domestic Violence - Family (5) - Nairaland

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Kenny Kehinde's Girlfriend, Precious Chisom Accuses Him Of Domestic Violence / How Pregnancy Changed My Wife / Pastor Michale Matthew: "I Dumped My Marriage Over Domestic Violence" (2) (3) (4)

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Re: Today's Experience Changed My View On Domestic Violence by 1metre: 6:38pm On Sep 17, 2017
tensazangetsu20:
The man tried. The woman even calling me a pig is enough for a divorce. I don't know why Nigerians are scared of divorce. I will never eat shit in a marriage.
me too bro. Women looking for hubby to kill n destroy so as to hv the whole world in their palm.
Re: Today's Experience Changed My View On Domestic Violence by luminouz(m): 6:39pm On Sep 17, 2017
pocohantas:


So, what of the women enduring emotional abuse...being cheating husbands. Would you rather they walk away, leading to an increase in divorce rate or pour him hot water?

Walking away remains my best option.
I'm not interested in hurting anyone.
Poco baby...u can just pour me d hot water!!! tongue
Re: Today's Experience Changed My View On Domestic Violence by somehow: 6:40pm On Sep 17, 2017
Advise the women to take your advise, let them walk away rather than abuse or start a fight. Why didn't she go inside to give the man the slippers he asked for? Why did she not even ignore it in the first place or tell him to wash his feet first before coming inside? It's only men that should be sensible, matured and understanding shey?
ImaIma1:
But it would pain the woman more if the guy ignored her and walked away. Some women are extremely troublesome

3 Likes

Re: Today's Experience Changed My View On Domestic Violence by tosyne2much(m): 6:41pm On Sep 17, 2017
I felt so depressed reading this story because I have also experienced a similar thing.

Right from a relationship, you can easily know a woman with domestic violence tendencies when a little quarrel ensues between the both of you. Some women are just very rude, arrogant and insultive that they don't mind disgracing you in the presence of neighbours, friends and enemies. However, some of them will bring you into a fiddle and at the end of the day, you will still receive the blame being the stronger vessel

Many people are quickly to lay both the blame and accusations on men especially when it has to do with domestic violence while the woman is showered with sympathy.

There is nothing that can ever be said to justify the act of a verbally and physically aggressive woman

6 Likes 1 Share

Re: Today's Experience Changed My View On Domestic Violence by Prognose: 6:41pm On Sep 17, 2017
luminouz:

Yeaaaaaaahhhhh....
Oya dance shoki!!!! undecided
I'm not the Op o
Re: Today's Experience Changed My View On Domestic Violence by jumzzy448: 6:41pm On Sep 17, 2017
Thank you op. I could remember the first time I heard that my sister's hubby slapped her. I got so furious and told the husband never to talk to me. He had to apologize to the whole family before everything died down.

Now another time, something like that happened again. Fortunate/unfortunately for my sister, my younger sister was at her house for holiday when the whole ish went down.

My younger sister had to call my mum that we should talk to my sister cos the whole things could have been avoided cos when the heat was much, the husband decided to leave the house to go cool off, but my sister locked the door, held him by his clothe and told him we wasn't going anywhere.. her mother in law was also around. Everyone was begging her to let go of her husband but she refused to listen not until the man gave her one hot slap.

What I'm saying in essence is, not all men are beast, rather their wives bring out the beast in them.

12 Likes 1 Share

Re: Today's Experience Changed My View On Domestic Violence by bimbohush: 6:42pm On Sep 17, 2017
Your opinion is so biased. The woman locked him OUT of his OWN HOUSE. A man can't throw reason and caution to the wind, it's only for the woman. Ika to ba se loba n'ge.
Evaberry:
very few men are victims of domestic violence. Women always bear the brunt of a man's anger


No matter what a woman says or does, a man should never hit her, a man is physically stronger than a woman so hitting her will inflict serious physical damage, whereas a woman may not cause any real harm to a man.

Op the husband in your write Up should have quietly left the compound and go relax somewhere until he was sure his wife had calmed down. when a woman is angry she throws all reason and caution to the wind, it therefore falls on the man to be understanding and reasonable


Engaging in a fisticuffs with a woman is wrong and should be condemned.

3 Likes 1 Share

Re: Today's Experience Changed My View On Domestic Violence by GAZZUZZ(m): 6:42pm On Sep 17, 2017
LordIsaac:

Permit me to steal ƴour moɗus operandi in future... grin wink

fire on! Ensure you write an explanation about the fight test on a piece of paper and place I where she can find it when shes sulking all alone, that way you can always press the return button in case she passed the test wink

2 Likes 1 Share

Re: Today's Experience Changed My View On Domestic Violence by oladayo63(m): 6:42pm On Sep 17, 2017
dicefrost:


I totally disagree with you. If there is no justification for a man hitting a woman, then there is no justification for a woman to verbally abuse a man. If he continues to walk away from the insult, it ll only be eating him up inside. I find it offensive that you tactfully excused the woman's madness and blame the man for not walking away. You are in effect saying that men should continuously endure domestic abuse because they are physically stronger? You think that a woman's words do not do emotional harm? Is it just the man who should be understanding and reasonable? Should the woman not learn to respect her head?

I totally agree with you bro.

I have a first-hand experience of what Evaberry is saying with my former gf.

She would do some things that would make the most cool-headed guy loose it.

In situations like this, I get out of the scene. No phone calls, no contact until she eats the humble pie to beg.

Then, she will say somethings like (1) I gave her the silent treatment - a man is not supposed to do that. (2) she did what she did - because she is a lady.

I will be like so because you are a lady, you are qualified to do whatever pleases you while you expect me to rub your ego, abi?

I've moved on ever since sha.

Lady, females love eating their pie and having it.

I pray that we will never marry a lady who will send us to our early grave.

4 Likes

Re: Today's Experience Changed My View On Domestic Violence by greenguy: 6:43pm On Sep 17, 2017
A good lesson Mr. Poster. Experience they say is the best teacher. It is easy for listeners to judge the man and say 'real men don't lay their hands on women'.

Men are humans too with different level of tolerance to provocations. I once had a neighbour with similar traits who genuinely enjoyed humiliating her husband and publicly reminded him of how poor and miserable he is, how incapable he is as a man and her plans to abandon him for a 'real man'. She'd throw things at the man and pour water at him. She also bedded almost all the young men in the compound at the time. What a gentle man the man was. I remember the man reacting to her provocation one day with a divine slap and she fainted on the spot.

She eventually left her two kids for the man and left to her lover's. She died of HIV some years later.

I have learnt that some people are devils incarnate.

13 Likes

Re: Today's Experience Changed My View On Domestic Violence by KevinDein: 6:43pm On Sep 17, 2017
EgunMogaji:


I'm glad that you had this education.

While I'm not naive to think that some Men are not truly bad but it is my opinion that a lot of this DV stuff is propagated by women.

Your neighbor is lucky. Were this to happen in the US here is what's going to happen to your neighbor

1) He'll be arrested immediately, no waiver, he'll go to jail

2) He'll be charged with domestic violence and face a felony charge, State Vs Neighbor

3) He'll need to come up with bail (here bail is not free, not at all)

4) In some locales, his pictures will be on the jail website and in local newspaper

5) He may loose his job

6) He may get a restraining order filed against him to stay away from his house, his kids, his kids schools and anywhere where his wife may known to visit

7) The wife cannot withdraw the charge, his case is with the state as its a criminal case

cool Many men never recover from this

9[b]) Many men go on and kill the wive then themselves.

10) Many men go nutbats and kill the woman, her friends, her coworkers, actually travel to other cities to continue to kill her family. Why? Because he knows his life/career is practically finished with a DV charge on his record.[/b]

11) I won't bother listing the collateral damage in erm sof loosing hi sjob, losing his house, loosing part of his future income.

So I've been where you got today, the part of not just taking the silly my husband beat me story. It takes two to tango.

If your neighbor is smart he'll pack out of that house today and leave the she devil aloen for another man to deal with. But he must take care of any kids that exists in the marriage, no question about that.

I personally don't take bullshit from women. I'm on my 3rd marraige because of this no willing to deal with women trouble. There are lots of issues and trouble out there in the world and no one needs his own wife to be another source of that issue. So I bounce immediately.

I don't even know how your neighbor can face the other people in your building now.
Horrible, @ the emboldened.

So in a bit to empower and protect women they end up putting the lives of the women, her family and the society in general in jeopardy.

The most dangerous man is one who has nothing to lose.

3 Likes

Re: Today's Experience Changed My View On Domestic Violence by tjmc: 6:43pm On Sep 17, 2017
Evaberry:
very few men are victims of domestic violence. Women always bear the brunt of a man's anger


No matter what a woman says or does, a man should never hit her, a man is physically stronger than a woman so hitting her will inflict serious physical damage, whereas a woman may not cause any real harm to a man.

Op the husband in your write Up should have quietly left the compound and go relax somewhere until he was sure his wife had calmed down. when a woman is angry she throws all reason and caution to the wind, it therefore falls on the man to be understanding and reasonable


Engaging in a fisticuffs with a woman is wrong and should be condemned.

Since a man should never hit a woman no matter what she does, then no woman should ever psychologically derail a man by never inssultingg him no matter what he does.

In your case women are free to say do and act as they wish with the man having no control. But the men should never do the same

7 Likes

Re: Today's Experience Changed My View On Domestic Violence by bedspread: 6:43pm On Sep 17, 2017
dicefrost:
Usually, when I read tales of domestic violence, especially when i see a woman battered and bruised, i am quick to feel pity for her, and by default blame the man for being an 'animal'. I hate wife beaters with all my heart. But today's experience actually changed my view.

It started around 7a.m this sunday morning. My neighbor whose flat directly faces mine was washing his vehicle outside. I have never known him to be a violent man. He and his wife always argue and quarrel, but it has never been in the open. Just raised voices and exchanging unkind words. His wife walked in through the gate leading to the compound. As soon as she saw her husband, she started screaming, 'dirty man' 'pig' and some other obscenity in their local dialect. He was scolding the man for not wearing a slippers outdoors. He walking on water barefooted. The man told her to keep quiet and get him a slippers to put on. She continued on top of her voice. She insulted daylight out of the man. There was nothing this woman did not say, from the size of the man's joystick to the number of minutes he stays in the bedroom. Out of anger, the man poured the remaining water he was using to wash the car on her. She ran at him and gripped him by the collar almost choking him. At that point, myself and other neighbors who have been watching ran out to put an end to the fracas before it got out of hand. It took alot of pleading before she eventually let go and went inside. The man just stood there, i could tell that he was really embarrassed by the things his wife said. We advised him to be a man 'you know say na so women be na'.

Not up to 10 minutes later, the man started banging on the door to the house. His wife refused to let him in. She insisted that he must go and wash his feet thoroughly before entering the house, but there was no water outside anymore. The man shouted at her to bring water for him to wash up, but she kept insisting that there would have been water if he hadn't poured it on her. A shouting match ensued again, this woman continued her verbal assault. At about an hour later, when it was time to go to church, she came out all dressed, not knowing that her husband was around the corner. He came from nowhere and landed a slap on her cheeks. She swung her bag at him, and a piece of metal from the bag cut his Jaw. This man descended on his wife with series of slaps. She fought back violently. All the while i was observing through my window. She dipped her hand into the man's eye, and punched him several times. The man seemed to lose it completely and aimed a blow directly at her jaw. The woman screamed, next thing i saw was blood oozing out of her mouth. I ran out of my own apartment to calm things down. Behold she had lost two teeth. When we all came to separate them, the woman started wailing uncontrollably, saying that her husband has killed her. With the blood in her mouth and everything nobody even spared a thought for the man. I could see finger nail marks all over his face. His jaw was a bit swollen too.

I personally drove the woman to a nearby health center so they could clean her up. As we entered, we were greeted with questions 'wetin happen?' 'na accident'? She started crying and narrating how her husband wanted to kill her this morning because she insisted that 'he must wash his dirty legs before entering the house'. The Nurses there started berating men in general, with each person narrating different experiences of domestic violence they had encountered. They were all full of sympathy for her. It was the general assumption that the she married a devil as husband. I just sat there listening to them demonizing men and wondering. The husband even called me while at the health center to know if it was serious. He sounded really worried. He wanted to drive down to meet us. I just discouraged him from coming, because his wife has already made him out to be a devil here.

Whenever the story of domestic violence is told, it is only narrated from the woman's perspective. We often see her in tears, with bruises all over. She plays the victim, because she is the one that usually ends up with bruises, even if she may have delivered the first punch. We hardly hear the man's side of the story, we don't perceive his emotion, he hardly has any physical scars from the encounter, so we assume he wasn't hurt. He is always the violent one, because he won't let you know that a woman's words broke him, he won't gather a crowd a to tell his story.

I'm totally against domestic violence, whether physical or verbal. I believe two people who claim to love each other should be able to settle issues amicably with resorting to abusive language and physical confrontation. If your differences are irreconcilable, then end the damn marriage and let everyone go in peace. I think the real beast is the man that will descend on a woman at the smallest provocation. But as a woman, If you instigate a physical confrontation, either by words or action, make sure you win the fight that ensues.

Next time i read or hear about domestic violence, with a picture of a battered and bruised woman, i won't jump into the 'Men are beasts' wagon, not untill i know the full story.
THIS ONE WEAK ME

2 Likes

Re: Today's Experience Changed My View On Domestic Violence by pocohantas(f): 6:44pm On Sep 17, 2017
luminouz:

Poco baby...u can just pour me d hot water!!! tongue

No, I won't.
When I see such stories, first thing that comes to my mind is, why not leave! Tell me, didn't this man know his wife is troublesome?

All the people supporting OP, are only doing that because the woman is still alive and a woman was the victim. Let OP change the victim to a cheating man, who was poured hot water and we will see emotions flooding here.

2 Likes

Re: Today's Experience Changed My View On Domestic Violence by blackjack21(m): 6:44pm On Sep 17, 2017
Evaberry:
very few men are victims of domestic violence. Women always bear the brunt of a man's anger


No matter what a woman says or does, a man should never hit her, a man is physically stronger than a woman so hitting her will inflict serious physical damage, whereas a woman may not cause any real harm to a man.

Op the husband in your write Up should have quietly left the compound and go relax somewhere until he was sure his wife had calmed down. when a woman is angry she throws all reason and caution to the wind, it therefore falls on the man to be understanding and reasonable


Engaging in a fisticuffs with a woman is wrong and should be condemned.

The world is not fair to men. Men suffer twice more from words uttered then from any physical violations.

3 Likes

Re: Today's Experience Changed My View On Domestic Violence by cindybaby22(f): 6:45pm On Sep 17, 2017
Evaberry:
very few men are victims of domestic violence. Women always bear the brunt of a man's anger


No matter what a woman says or does, a man should never hit her, a man is physically stronger than a woman so hitting her will inflict serious physical damage, whereas a woman may not cause any real harm to a man.

Op the husband in your write Up should have quietly left the compound and go relax somewhere until he was sure his wife had calmed down. when a woman is angry she throws all reason and caution to the wind, it therefore falls on the man to be understanding and reasonable


Engaging in a fisticuffs with a woman is wrong and should be condemned.
Did u even read the story?
Babe u are not making sense at all
Don't u have a father?
Can u watch your mom treat your dad in this manner?
Men also have blood running in them, we women should desist from provoking men unnecessarily, since we know they are stronger than us
It doesn't make sense prooking them & expecting them to walk away all the time
They are humans, not log of wood

16 Likes 1 Share

Re: Today's Experience Changed My View On Domestic Violence by luminouz(m): 6:45pm On Sep 17, 2017
jumzzy448:
Thank you op. I could remember the first time I heard that my sister's hubby slapped her. I got so furious and told the husband never to talk to me. He had to apologize to the whole family before everything died down.

Now another time, something like that happened again. Fortunate/unfortunately for my sister, my younger sister was at her house for holiday when the whole ish went down.

My younger sister had to call my mum that we should talk to my sister cos the whole things could have been avoided cos when the heat was much, the husband decided to leave the house to go cool off, but my sister locked the door, held him by his clothe and told him we wasn't going anywhere.. her mother in law was also around. Everyone was begging her to let go of her husband but she refused to listen not until the man gave her one hot slap.

What I'm saying in essence is, not all men are beast, rather their wives bring out the beast in them.
U sound sensible...jumzziii or jumia or whatever u call ursef tongue

2 Likes

Re: Today's Experience Changed My View On Domestic Violence by luminouz(m): 6:46pm On Sep 17, 2017
pocohantas:


No, I won't.
When I see such stories, first thing that comes to my mind is, why not leave! Tell me, didn't this man know his wife is troublesome?

All the people supporting OP, are only doing that because the woman is still alive and a woman was the victim. Let OP change the victim to a cheating man, who was poured hot water and we will see emotions flooding here.
*sighs* so many possible outcomes n scenarios in this marital issue sef?
Its tiring o.......
Re: Today's Experience Changed My View On Domestic Violence by GAZZUZZ(m): 6:47pm On Sep 17, 2017
jumzzy448:
Thank you op. I could remember the first time I heard that my sister's hubby slapped her. I got so furious and told the husband never to talk to me. He had to apologize to the whole family before everything died down.

Now another time, something like that happened again. Fortunate/unfortunately for my sister, my younger sister was at her house for holiday when the whole ish went down.

My younger sister had to call my mum that we should talk to my sister cos the whole things could have been avoided cos when the heat was much, the husband decided to leave the house to go cool off, but my sister locked the door, held him by his clothe and told him we wasn't going anywhere.. her mother in law was also around. Everyone was begging her to let go of her husband but she refused to listen not until the man gave her one hot slap.

What I'm saying in essence is, not all men are beast, rather their wives bring out the beast in them.

That is called a factory reset cheesy

4 Likes

Re: Today's Experience Changed My View On Domestic Violence by Bigii(m): 6:48pm On Sep 17, 2017
LordIsaac:

Goɗ forbiɗ...on this grounɗs, I accept I'm whatever...I will simplƴ parƙ my ɓags, resign from worƙ anɗ relocate to another region. Whƴ woulɗ I ɗie in the name of enɗurance anɗ ɓeing a man? It's onlƴ one life ooo. A laɗy has tormenteɗ me too sha...ɓut she will never forget me.

1 Like

Re: Today's Experience Changed My View On Domestic Violence by Nobody: 6:49pm On Sep 17, 2017
dicefrost:


I totally disagree with you. If there is no justification for a man hitting a woman, then there is no justification for a woman to verbally abuse a man. If he continues to walk away from the insult, it ll only be eating him up inside. I find it offensive that you tactfully excused the woman's madness and blame the man for not walking away. You are in effect saying that men should continuously endure domestic abuse because they are physically stronger? You think that a woman's words do not do emotional harm? Is it just the man who should be understanding and reasonable? Should the woman not learn to respect her head?


you deserve an award for this wonderful piece...

2 Likes 1 Share

Re: Today's Experience Changed My View On Domestic Violence by johnson232: 6:50pm On Sep 17, 2017
Evaberry:
very few men are victims of domestic violence. Women always bear the brunt of a man's anger


No matter what a woman says or does, a man should never hit her, a man is physically stronger than a woman so hitting her will inflict serious physical damage, whereas a woman may not cause any real harm to a man.

Op the husband in your write Up should have quietly left the compound and go relax somewhere until he was sure his wife had calmed down. when a woman is angry she throws all reason and caution to the wind, it therefore falls on the man to be understanding and reasonable


Engaging in a fisticuffs with a woman is wrong and should be condemned.
Take 1 tablet three times daily for a week, u will be fine.

9 Likes

Re: Today's Experience Changed My View On Domestic Violence by jumzzy448: 6:51pm On Sep 17, 2017
luminouz:

U sound sensible...jumzziii or jumia or whatever u call ursef tongue

grin grin
Re: Today's Experience Changed My View On Domestic Violence by loladius: 6:51pm On Sep 17, 2017
Evaberry:
very few men are victims of domestic violence. Women always bear the brunt of a man's anger


No matter what a woman says or does, a man should never hit her, a man is physically stronger than a woman so hitting her will inflict serious physical damage, whereas a woman may not cause any real harm to a man.

Op the husband in your write Up should have quietly left the compound and go relax somewhere until he was sure his wife had calmed down. when a woman is angry she throws all reason and caution to the wind, it therefore falls on the man to be understanding and reasonable


Engaging in a fisticuffs with a woman is wrong and should be condemned.
I disagree with your point that the husband should have LEFT THE COMPOUND AND GO RELAX SOMEWHERE. The poster said the guy didn't have any footwear on and I'm assuming he was not properly dressed as he was washing the car.

5 Likes

Re: Today's Experience Changed My View On Domestic Violence by davidif: 6:52pm On Sep 17, 2017
kimbraa:
Mr op, this story doesn't add up.

It does. You probably just don't want to believe it.

2 Likes

Re: Today's Experience Changed My View On Domestic Violence by Sectis(m): 6:52pm On Sep 17, 2017
betty616:
We ladies should mind our mouth. Just as we expect a man to have self control not to hit us, we should also have self control when it comes to talking to men and daring them. Weaker vessels or not, we both should respect each other.
[color=#006600][/color]

I love u 4 this comment, are u single let relate!!!
Re: Today's Experience Changed My View On Domestic Violence by KevinDein: 6:52pm On Sep 17, 2017
I, for one, see a manipulative and troublesome woman from a mile away and I do myself a huge favor by avoiding them.

Can't deal man grin

3 Likes

Re: Today's Experience Changed My View On Domestic Violence by magicfingers009: 6:53pm On Sep 17, 2017
People saying no matter what a woman does, a man should never hit her have not met mad women.
I've seen a neighbour's wife bring out a kitchen knife after having verbal insults with the husband, and it seemed as though the husband was winning the verbal fight. She brought out the knife to stab the man. Should the man remain calm and keep running to avoid being stabbed? Or beat the devil out of that woman?

Never judge a domestic violence case without hearing from the two parties or experiencing it forehand.

1 Like

Re: Today's Experience Changed My View On Domestic Violence by pocohantas(f): 6:53pm On Sep 17, 2017
luminouz:

*sighs* so many possible outcomes n scenarios in this marital issue sef?
Its tiring o.......

It's tiring o. Because I don't know how anyone will see sense in inflicting injury on another. Except in self-defence, I don't see myself engaging in a fight.

OP is telling us a story of a woman who ended up with broken teeth, we know of so many who ended up 6feet below. Abeg, let's be careful what we preach.
Re: Today's Experience Changed My View On Domestic Violence by Coyotejack(m): 6:58pm On Sep 17, 2017
KevinDein:
I, for one, see a manipulative and troublesome woman from a mile away and I do myself a huge favor by avoiding them.

Can't deal man grin

Big SWERVE
Re: Today's Experience Changed My View On Domestic Violence by lozanni(m): 6:58pm On Sep 17, 2017
luminouz:

Yeah hitting a woman is wrong but what d fvck made d woman an irrational monster who talked about her husband joystick n bedgame in front of other neighbours Did u even condemn d woman undecided

Sexual frustration has really set in for the woman. This might really be what is causing her anger, as the husband is not satisfying her sexually, she lost total control and went on an uncontrollable rant and was abusing her husband. I wonder if she is experiencing a hormonal imbalance, estrogen, somewhat like the hen that chases away another hen that is lying on top of eggs it had laid, just to claim it.
The woman should have sat with her husband to discuss the above issue, as things like fruits (carrots, bananas, date palm, plaintain), good excersise(jogging, skipping, lifting little weights), good pre-intimacy and sexual technique can help him overcome the problem of weak sexual performance.
The above is true for most couples as they, always fail to discuss their sex lives, which is very important.

1 Like

Re: Today's Experience Changed My View On Domestic Violence by Nobody: 6:58pm On Sep 17, 2017
KevinDein:

Horrible, @ the emboldened.

So in a bit to empower and protect women they end up putting the lives of the women, her family and the society in general in jeopardy.

The most dangerous man is one who has nothing to lose.

One Igbo guy here in Los Angeles some years back went batshit.

You know the same story from neighbors, "he's a quiet man, church goer blah blah".

Na so one day he tied the woman behind his truck and dragged her behind the car till she died.

One may see him as a deranged killer. Okay, fine he was at the time he committed that atrocity. But what drove him to madness?

I'm pretty certain that the wife didn't marry him if she thought he was a deranged killer.

One white guy walked into his ex wife's salon and killed her and everybody in the shop, customers and all.

Personally, this godamn country has conditioned me so much that I do not even flinch when I read these horror stories anymore. Except the ones where they kill the children, that I cannot understand.

1 Like

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