Welcome, Guest: Register On Nairaland / LOGIN! / Trending / Recent / NewStats: 3,165,266 members, 7,860,618 topics. Date: Friday, 14 June 2024 at 01:20 PM |
Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / Are You Married And Facing Challenges? Would You Like To Share To Help Others? (13345 Views)
How Do You Tell Your First Wife You Married Another Wife? / What Was Your Monthly Income When You Married? / Married Folks: What Changed After You Married Your Spouse? (2) (3) (4)
(1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) (Reply) (Go Down)
Re: Are You Married And Facing Challenges? Would You Like To Share To Help Others? by UjuJoan2: 6:01pm On Oct 21, 2017 |
Processor01: Actually it's those selling the mindset that marriage is a romantic bed of roses that are being unfair. Nobody actually understands how much work one has to put into it untill you get there. Pretending that it's somehow a life of happily ever after is why young people go into marriage with so much expectation, leading to failure. Telling it as it is not 'bitterness' or 'negativity'. All we are saying is for people not to expect too much from their spouses. You have to find happiness in yourself first and only the can you find it within your marriage. 20 Likes |
Re: Are You Married And Facing Challenges? Would You Like To Share To Help Others? by Nobody: 6:08pm On Oct 21, 2017 |
UjuJoan2: Ignore him. The thread says challenges _challenges are bitter. The bitterness is what the thread is about, not bed of roses stories belladsweet: Let me summarise it . 8 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Are You Married And Facing Challenges? Would You Like To Share To Help Others? by UjuJoan2: 6:23pm On Oct 21, 2017 |
LewsTherin: And I agree. . . . But what if it's not enough. The whole concern and love you show to your spouse? What if it's not enough to make her happy? What if what truly makes her happy is being selfish and not having to make those sacrifices? Would that make her a bad wife to you? Would you be any less happier than you are right now? Isn't love about accepting people just the way they are and dealing with their short comings? So when I'm selfish and aloof, I expect the man who claims to love me to deal with it. I really do not expect him to force me to be someone else. For instance, my husband is extremely lazy with chores and wouldn't cook even if you put a gun to his head. Would I love to have a husband who would make breakfast while I get the kids ready for school? Of course! Do I think less of him for not being that guy? Not at all, and I would never trade him for the world. Same with me, I am not a romantic wife and I know it. I forget his birthdays and our anniversary and don't always remember to leave his dinner out for him or even bother to stay up for him to get home. I argue a lot and don't believe in the man being the head of the home thing. . . But I don't for a second doubt his love and devotion to me and I know he wouldn't trade me too. I'm also not naive enough to think my world would stop if he leaves me and I don't believe being married to him is the best thing to ever happen to me. We are happy because we chose be, irrespective of what the other person does or doesnt do. 12 Likes 3 Shares |
Re: Are You Married And Facing Challenges? Would You Like To Share To Help Others? by Nobody: 7:11pm On Oct 21, 2017 |
Processor01:Do not get it wrong. This thread is about challenges in marriage! 4 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Are You Married And Facing Challenges? Would You Like To Share To Help Others? by kingdenny(m): 7:26pm On Oct 21, 2017 |
KanwuliaExtra:The above statement is pure fallacy. Fallacy of generalization The word rare is a very strong statement. Genuine marriages in Africa is plentiful. You need to reboot your sequence of reasoning and hasty conclusion. It's very faulty 2 Likes |
Re: Are You Married And Facing Challenges? Would You Like To Share To Help Others? by Nobody: 7:38pm On Oct 21, 2017 |
UjuJoan2: hmm |
Re: Are You Married And Facing Challenges? Would You Like To Share To Help Others? by kingdenny(m): 7:51pm On Oct 21, 2017 |
A lot of negativity here does not portray what marriage really is. No matter how you look at it, marriage is a beautiful institution. And every marriage must face challenges and difficulty, it is the ability to face such challenges and conquer them is what makes it really beautiful. There is no formular for a successful marriage, what rocks your boat might wreck my boat. the way family A solved their challenges might not work for family B. Couples need to be able to confront their challenges instead of looking for an easy way out. Unless the foundation on which the marriages was built is full of deceit and lies. We live in a generation where people would prefer to discard a dress than mend, it has become applicable in how we live our lives. My parents are my mentor, married for forty years and still rocking marriage happily. Courtship is very important before marriage. It gives you a clue of what to expect if both parties are genuine without pretense. I used to club and party like hell, before I got married but my wife didn't like it, I promised to stop, three years down in marriage, I have never clubbed, I kept to my word. We club to gather if we feel in a party mood. Respecting the agreement before marriage is a key to a successful marriage. 4 Likes |
Re: Are You Married And Facing Challenges? Would You Like To Share To Help Others? by KanwuliaExtra: 9:45pm On Oct 21, 2017 |
kingdenny: Na my opinion o. Nor vess abeg. 3 Likes |
Re: Are You Married And Facing Challenges? Would You Like To Share To Help Others? by KanwuliaExtra: 9:49pm On Oct 21, 2017 |
jaszplus12: You are so immature in your responses you think or feel we all have to sing the same tunes. When you read opinions, you either agree or disagree. No need for angst or venom. Stop sounding like a “bully”. It is not necessary. *some IDs and their M.O.s never change* We don’t have to agree, so I don’t know where all your bile is coming from. No need to prove anything to me. I don’t have to prove anything to you either. Just state your opinions and MOVE DA HELL ON! Simple. This is an OPEN TOPIC. No need to get personal. Stop jumping all over my posts. Thanks! 14 Likes |
Re: Are You Married And Facing Challenges? Would You Like To Share To Help Others? by Caracta(f): 11:24pm On Oct 21, 2017 |
Acidosis: Thanks 1 Like |
Re: Are You Married And Facing Challenges? Would You Like To Share To Help Others? by Caracta(f): 11:29pm On Oct 21, 2017 |
1miccza: Nah. |
Re: Are You Married And Facing Challenges? Would You Like To Share To Help Others? by oloyede252(m): 11:33pm On Oct 21, 2017 |
quite an interesting thread. @ UjuJoan2 so you finally got married and from your post you ain't happy in your marriage. 1 Like |
Re: Are You Married And Facing Challenges? Would You Like To Share To Help Others? by UjuJoan2: 11:38pm On Oct 21, 2017 |
oloyede252: Just wondering how you got that from my posts? And who the hell you are 6 Likes |
Re: Are You Married And Facing Challenges? Would You Like To Share To Help Others? by oloyede252(m): 11:56pm On Oct 21, 2017 |
UjuJoan2:looking at all your post on this thread it's quite easy to figure that out. it's more like you married for the sake of the society and not really your preferred choice. who Am I? oloyede, 2 Likes |
Re: Are You Married And Facing Challenges? Would You Like To Share To Help Others? by UjuJoan2: 12:03am On Oct 22, 2017 |
oloyede252: Really? You didn't see from my first post that my choice of spouse will not change my stance on marriage and that I was quite lucky with my choice . . . . Or from my 4th post that I wouldn't trade my husband for any reason Maybe you are just seeing what you want to see. And you've somehow missed my point in all my posts. . . . Marriage doesn't define who I am or dictate my happiness. And I see you are a fan. . . . That's okay, I get that a lot 5 Likes |
Re: Are You Married And Facing Challenges? Would You Like To Share To Help Others? by 1miccza: 12:13am On Oct 22, 2017 |
Caracta:It's been like centuries can we still talk? |
Re: Are You Married And Facing Challenges? Would You Like To Share To Help Others? by armyofone(m): 1:14am On Oct 22, 2017 |
Interesting thread. I agree with KanwuliaJara and ujujoan2 to find happiness within ourselves. For marriage to be successful, everyone must be willing to play their imperfect role with love, a bit of patience and understanding. Imagine such challenge when only one person is raising the kids or doing the chores or making the money etc...that's recipe for burnt-out. 8 Likes |
Re: Are You Married And Facing Challenges? Would You Like To Share To Help Others? by sisisioge: 8:04am On Oct 22, 2017 |
Jesu Christy! Whew! It is well o. Whew! What's too much in hoping and actually getting a partner that is a teammate? A partner that listens? A partner that understands the age-long proverb of the broom being stronger as a bunch? It is well o. May God bless us with peaceful people. It is well. 2 Likes |
Re: Are You Married And Facing Challenges? Would You Like To Share To Help Others? by Nobody: 10:49am On Oct 22, 2017 |
kingdenny: I love this write up Marriage is beautiful, especially when you are two like minds building a warm loving home to rush 2. Am not scared, neither am in a rush. But I look forward to when I wil be settled in marriage. I can feel in my heart, it will be interesting, challenging in some areas but worth delving into. Why am this optimistic? Have learnt to decipher between dating a guy who can be a pain in the neck and dating a peaceful loving jovial guy. Am not scared to cut off from a destructive relationship immediately than to hang on and be having sleepless nights over him. If he doesn't change, my dear , am Moving on. At least it's easier to breakup in relationships than in Marriage. I can't suffer. Myself and be with someone am not compatible with. God forbid. Marriage is beautiful, with a compatible and understanding partner. 2 Likes |
Re: Are You Married And Facing Challenges? Would You Like To Share To Help Others? by EfemenaXY: 11:43am On Oct 22, 2017 |
oloyede252: Is this necessary? Really? Why pick on her and make it personal? This is one of the reasons why people are sceptical about baring their hearts here or letting others have a peek into the dynamics of their home. I 100% agree that no marriage is all sweetness and light. That's just not possible. Why? Because no two people are exactly the same. There'll always be differences and how these differences are handled is / are the challenges - the basis of this topic. We're all here to learn and share from and with each other. Let's be mature and respectful of that fact. Or is that too much to ask? 10 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Are You Married And Facing Challenges? Would You Like To Share To Help Others? by EfemenaXY: 11:46am On Oct 22, 2017 |
armyofone: So true. Re: the bolded part of your post, I just read this and thought to share: boldx: Now I'm not saying this is everything, but this touches on the issue of finance, the strains it puts on a lot of marriages - especially when it gets to the point where one person seems to do all the sacrifices and has nothing tangible to show for it. Frustrations set in and it gets to the point where the load bearer starts asking themselves: what REALLY is the point of being married if I'm having to do this all on my own? 4 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Are You Married And Facing Challenges? Would You Like To Share To Help Others? by UjuJoan2: 12:52pm On Oct 22, 2017 |
EfemenaXY: So so true! |
Re: Are You Married And Facing Challenges? Would You Like To Share To Help Others? by oloyede252(m): 2:36pm On Oct 22, 2017 |
UjuJoan2:"your choice of will not change your stance on marriage "...this validates my first point of you're getting married because of societal pressure not that you really desire it..you believe marriage should be outlawed and it's not important yet you still went ahead to get married...... this beg the question of will you ever be happy in your marriage when you see it as bondage, the answer is "it will be difficult " for your other point I agree with you. note: Am your fan no doubt, missed the old you and your interesting submission. 2 Likes |
Re: Are You Married And Facing Challenges? Would You Like To Share To Help Others? by oloyede252(m): 2:44pm On Oct 22, 2017 |
EfemenaXY:I picked on her because am a fan.. Also you make it seem as if I said something bad or offensive, I just summarized her posts and gave my honest opinion. I agree with your other points. |
Re: Are You Married And Facing Challenges? Would You Like To Share To Help Others? by Nobody: 3:16pm On Oct 22, 2017 |
jaszplus12: Your wife may have a different opinion because most times women sacrifice a lot more than men in marriages to make things work so it's likely she will have a much different opinion 8 Likes |
Re: Are You Married And Facing Challenges? Would You Like To Share To Help Others? by TheArchangel(f): 3:20pm On Oct 22, 2017 |
oloyede252:You must be coogar of old |
Re: Are You Married And Facing Challenges? Would You Like To Share To Help Others? by UjuJoan2: 3:24pm On Oct 22, 2017 |
oloyede252: Actually I didn't get this stance untill I actually got married. Like most mills and boons lovers I dreamt of getting married and living a fairytale, but that's not always the case is it Reality hits you hard on the head like a rock and then you start wondering why you ever thought it was going to be a bed of roses. So I'm giving back by teaching young people to find their peace before settling down with anyone, or else they will be in for a life of disappointment. I don't see how that makes me unhappy or in bondage. I think I have the best marriage because I and my husband are not under any sort of pressure to be 'perfect'. We are happy with each other just the day we are. Why do you even care if I'm happy or not? Hope you are not one of the monitoring spirits? Awwww. . . . The bolded is just sweet. Thanks! 7 Likes |
Re: Are You Married And Facing Challenges? Would You Like To Share To Help Others? by armyofone(m): 3:36pm On Oct 22, 2017 |
EfemenaXY, Wow! At the article. "Can we check if the person (man and woman/husband and wife) is gainfully employed and domestically responsible" Men/husbands should never leave domestic work to their wives. Join her in: -The kitchen even if it is only eggs or water you can boil - she is making stew, assist in placing all the ingredients on the counter...start boiling rice -Share in bathing the kids (if you have kids) -Playing teacher at home -Playing driver for after school program -Playing judge and counsel to the kids -Baby/kids sitting for either of you to take turns to work out -Join in cleaning your home etc Just be a team player in your home ( be domestically responsible) Gainfully employed - both (husband and wife) should be bringing money home monthly no matter how small. I just think human beings intentionally complicated something that's just simple. May we do the right thing and follow the simple and non complex paths in life's journey. 6 Likes |
Re: Are You Married And Facing Challenges? Would You Like To Share To Help Others? by oloyede252(m): 4:28pm On Oct 22, 2017 |
UjuJoan2:I agree with you except the part you said marriage should be outlawed. I honestly care because am your fan and you make me laugh with your submissions so why will I want to see you sad. [/quote] 1 Like |
Re: Are You Married And Facing Challenges? Would You Like To Share To Help Others? by oloyede252(m): 4:36pm On Oct 22, 2017 |
TheArchangel:Lol... nah am not....great and legendary guy he is . |
Re: Are You Married And Facing Challenges? Would You Like To Share To Help Others? by Caracta(f): 4:36pm On Oct 22, 2017 |
1miccza: Sure. You can send an e-mail |
Re: Are You Married And Facing Challenges? Would You Like To Share To Help Others? by jaszplus12(m): 5:58pm On Oct 22, 2017 |
Pidgin2:yes. and I'm not sure I've said my wife sees the same way I do. in fact we vary in so many ways and I think its the variation that drew me closer! and I'm sure you will agree with me that two cannot stay together unless they agree. meaning all our years together has been that we agree to agree on some issues and of course disagree on many others yet choose to live together and forge a bond! depending on how you view it, but I can't agree totally that women sacrifice more in a marriage. I'm sure you understand my point of view... 1 Like |
(1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) (Reply)
'my Life As A Lesbian / Union Presents Cash To Needy Nigerian Families In South Africa / Olden Days Vs Modern Days Marriages
Viewing this topic: 1 guest(s)
(Go Up)
Sections: politics (1) business autos (1) jobs (1) career education (1) romance computers phones travel sports fashion health religion celebs tv-movies music-radio literature webmasters programming techmarket Links: (1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) (7) (8) (9) (10) Nairaland - Copyright © 2005 - 2024 Oluwaseun Osewa. All rights reserved. See How To Advertise. 110 |