₦airaland Forum

selflessmaya:
take the time to read my comment before u comment. i pointed out multiple times that OP is not at fault at this, i also pointed out multiple times that it would be easier to leave cos it'll be a hard process getting through this. i pointed out many times that his wife has issues. i even praised OP for taking the abuse for so long before reacting. i literally took sides with OP on this. i pointed out what the likely source and cause of his wife's problem is and made it clear it's not OP. the only solution i gave was if OP chooses to stay and help her work through her issues. i also told him to discard the advice and everything i said if he finally decides to divorce to make it easy for him. and wished him good luck with whatever choice he has to make. so, what are u saying?
it's OP's choice to decide what next to do, it's his life, it's his marriage, it's his family. so are u trying to decide for OP and tell him to leave his marriage? or are u trying to tell OP to stay and not take my solution that wont work? what then do u advice him to do since u have a better solution?


if u didnt read my comment then why mention me if u dont even know what i wrote?? my initial comment itself showed me dragging her and calling her poison. so if i made an edit that obviously contradicts my initial stance, u either just accept the part where i blatantly called her an abuser or read the edit before telling me anything.


as i type this over 163 ppl have read and liked the comment so speak for yourself? i have enough info to make my conclusions. what better conclusion did u come to? mtchew


READING is important.


the OP needs the story, i left the story for him not for u. did i not make it clear over and over that OP is being emotionally and physically abused by his wife? u obviously have no useful advice to give anyone so lemme not get another mention from you.


babe, OP's wife is unable to maintain healthy romantic relationships, she's destroying her marriage cos of her compounded issues. love is not magic, what healed those ppl is working though their issues with their partners, none of them in stable relationships are still living with their secret which is why my whole advice to OP if he wants to make the marriage work is to build their relationship to the point where she can finally speak up and they can get to putting the past behind and carrying on with life. <3 lots of love.

freecocoa:
You actually take 'likes' as having made sense? ]Guess you didn't know that cheap/fake things have more buyers than the authentic ones, my dear, majority of the people on here are stvpid so don't kid yourself.
The woman is evil and that's all there is to it. If you were a doctor, many would die by your hands. How you didn't put into consideration her attitude while dating, during your yeye diagnosis is a glaring example of how empty you are, while attempting to sound like you know sh1t, nonsense!
Bite me.

freecocoa:
This is like really long, ain't nobody gon read all that.
Meanwhile, you don't have enough info to conclude all the emboldened. Are you a psychiatrist, her therapist? Even then, excuse my language please, I'll say "feck any therapist or whoever, that provides such solution to a problem like the OP's.
Like WTF?

Apollux:
Sorry sir, as good as your advice is, you make it look as if the husband is the source or cause of his wife's behavior. The last solutions u proffer will not work, it will only make the man's life miserable because he will be a slave in his own home. He deserves happiness too.

solasoulmusic:
This is so sad on no condition should anyone hit anyone

DonBobes:
Quoting u to draw ur attention.
Don't divorce her o, it unbiblical. Change her derz nothing OMNI-EVERYTHING can't do. Pray!!!
But please don't divorce except u caught her cheating or committed Adultery.
Change her attitude.
Marriage is for better for worse. U should have prayed before marrying her.
Divorce is not my never my advice brother!!
Pray she will change

selflessmaya:
look, it's not my fault if you have absolutely no reading comprehension. you're none of my business. i did not point out my likes to intimidate anyone with the number of ppl that agreed with me, it's basic sentence structure, learn it: u said my comment was long and no one here will waste time reading it ... (your comment in quote below to jog your lil memory), i replied that 160+ ppl have read & liked it. sentence break down: if 160+ ppl liked it, it means that more than 160 ppl have read the comment . learn sentence structure, subject & predicate before u come spewing trash. the subject of my conversation with u was not who agreed or who didn't but who read it and who didn't and the proof of number of readers(subject of the topic) lies in the ppl who took time to like my comment, going by the theory that a comment's no of likes are always equal or less than the number of ppl who read it cos some ppl also read it and didnt like it and kept it moving but they read it which is THE POINT.

i had many mentions of ppl who did not agree with me and not once did i refute them saying many ppl agree with me cos of likes, so if i mentioned that to u, it's not my fault u dont know the subject of a topic that YOU started. you missed the point woefullly cos you're super desperate to call my bluff. i have you really pressed, just how i like it, stay pressed! i never called u names yet you're here trying to put me down and calling me empty, go call your mother that, she's the one who raised a pained b!tch like u. the only conclusion you came to is the woman is evil so why not just state it?

you tried to silence my first comment: asking if i'm a psychiatrist to make such conclusions.. then said f*ck whatever psychiatrist who thinks i'm right, so ur issue with me is not that u question my qualifications to observe but u just dont want to agree with me, u dont have to agree with me, so freeze that. now you're saying that even if i were a doctor, many would die at my hands. so hell bent to diminish my opinion you concluded that all 870 ppl who liked the comment are 'the stupid ppl who make up majority' on this site. bye felicia! u can choke on your own sh!t as you stuff it to fill up your own emptiness & void. feed your mama some of your sh!t too, heaven knows you have enough to go around. chew on that! this is the nicest reply u will get from me ever again so if you're gonna do this to yourself and show up in my mentions again, let me inform u first that i will show zero sensitivity while clapping back cos u're very stupid. so, u better bring your A-game cos i am not your match. you are wayyy beneath me and it shows & i will draaaaagggg u so hard your ancestors will feel it. better pretend u didnt read this and dodge this bullet, it's a long reply but well detailed since all u do is miss the point, refuse to read and act foolish. you constipated idiot!

Bobugee:
Like seriously, Young man, how old are you? I cant believe this is obviously coming from a male folk. Really. How on earth would a right-thinking dude spew such a thing!


Just close your eyes and imagine if you have found yourself in Mr OPs' shoes. What would you have done differently? Sit down and pray while she keeps hitting and hauling insults on you.

Uncle, I vehemently beg to disagree with you. This ain't time for prayer. It's time for action. Stay or take a walk. Either of the two

selflessmaya:
look, it's not my fault if you have absolutely no reading comprehension. you're none of my business. i did not point out my likes to intimidate anyone with the number of ppl that agreed with me, it's basic sentence structure, learn it: u said my comment was long and no one here will waste time reading it ... (your comment in quote below to jog your lil memory), i replied that 160+ ppl have read & liked it. sentence break down: if 160+ ppl liked it, it means that more than 160 ppl have read the comment . learn sentence structure, subject & predicate before u come spewing trash. the subject of my conversation with u was not who agreed or who didn't but who read it and who didn't and the proof of number of readers(subject of the topic) lies in the ppl who took time to like my comment, going by the theory that a comment's no of likes are always equal or less than the number of ppl who read it cos some ppl also read it and didnt like it and kept it moving but they read it which is THE POINT.

i had many mentions of ppl who did not agree with me and not once did i refute them saying many ppl agree with me cos of likes, so if i mentioned that to u, it's not my fault u dont know the subject of a topic that YOU started. you missed the point woefullly cos you're super desperate to call my bluff. i have you really pressed, just how i like it, stay pressed! i never called u names yet you're here trying to put me down and calling me empty, go call your mother that, she's the one who raised a pained b!tch like u. the only conclusion you came to is the woman is evil so why not just state it?

you tried to silence my first comment: asking if i'm a psychiatrist to make such conclusions.. then said f*ck whatever psychiatrist who thinks i'm right, so ur issue with me is not that u question my qualifications to observe but u just dont want to agree with me, u dont have to agree with me, so freeze that. now you're saying that even if i were a doctor, many would die at my hands. so hell bent to diminish my opinion you concluded that all 870 ppl who liked the comment are 'the stupid ppl who make up majority' on this site. bye felicia! u can choke on your own sh!t as you stuff it to fill up your own emptiness & void. feed your mama some of your sh!t too, heaven knows you have enough to go around. chew on that! this is the nicest reply u will get from me ever again so if you're gonna do this to yourself and show up in my mentions again, let me inform u first that i will show zero sensitivity while clapping back cos u're very stupid. so, u better bring your A-game cos i am not your match. you are wayyy beneath me and it shows & i will draaaaagggg u so hard your ancestors will feel it. better pretend u didnt read this and dodge this bullet, it's a long reply but well detailed since all u do is miss the point, refuse to read and act foolish. you constipated idiot!

Bobugee:
I'm not surprised. This can only come from a lady. How I wish you can see yourself through the men's shoe on issue as heavy and depressing as this.

DonBobes:
Asking about my age just cause am against d crowd
Am just coming from daddy's farm where I went to cultivate cassava.
Am just 14 this year.

Well to close my eyes and imagine it is just too much for me to do, my position is enof to scare d devil out of d lady. Mind you my wife oluwacypris1 is not even an inch close to wat d oga sed.

U seem to have forgotten dat marriage is for better for worse. If he prayed before marrying d lady he would have bn told to soft pedal on marrying dis lady. But he didn't. Now d lady is his wat we call, his lady in red . He should change her not divorce her. Divorcing her is a sin.

wrongchoice:
COURTSHIP DAYS AND MY HATRED FOR WOMEN BEATERS
During our courtship days I have always reiterated my stand on men that do beat their wife. I was of the opinion that they are not lesser than a beast.
She is very quiet, she hardly finishes her words, and she was full of smile that my grandma named her “smiling smiling girl”. My family members were thanking God for me because of her gentle nature. She doesn’t have friends, she goes to church regularly. I went for her because I have seen a lot of unhappy homes and by all means I wanted to avoid such situation. Before her, I had seen many girls that I love and they equally love me too. I leave them immediately I see a sign of anger in them. So, I told her that all I wanted in my life was happiness and I will make sure I keep the home together and going smoothly in as much that happens.
She has her trust issues which I thought they were necessary and not out of control (that was my greatest mistake), but aggressiveness and hatred ,I never had that thought a bit. She didn’t even look it.

MY FIRST SHOCKER
After the introduction, she was eager for the wedding despite the fact that I hardly got employed in a small firm barely a year. We fixed the date and arrangements were going.
3 days before the wedding , I told my wife to-be that one of my friends promised to bring event ;ushers for our wedding just to add glamour to the day, she didn’t allow me to finish when she started shouting on top of her voice and with this kind of never seen before aggressiveness. I never saw such red eyes before in 2 years of our courtship and over 6 years as friends. She said my friends and I were bringing oloshos to sleep with for bash eve which I never even plan to have. Her argument wasn’t a concern but I never see her reacted that way. I cried and I knew I was in for a big trouble.

THE REAL SHOW

Fast forward to after wedding. To my surprise, before any argument she would hit me, sometimes slap just less than 2 months in the marriage. I discovered she has the strength of 3 men. We are talking about a lady that never misses any church program as a youth and when we moved to our new area , she became more popular than myself in the church. This went on for a while coupled with terrible issues that I would be taken one after the other.

THE DAY OF LESSON
There was this afternoon that an argument ensue base on (what I will share latter) , she took out knife, I collected it from her, she brought out fork I collected it from her, she resulted to my belt and she started beating me with it ,I didn’t even struggle with her just like before. She took her shoe hitting it on my head ,I didn’t even move, I wasn’t even angry self. She bite me on my shoulder and thumb which nearly had that finger off if not for quick medical attention. At this point a question flashed through my mind, “would this be how my live would be going?”. This woman may even ask me to lay flat to receive some lashes if I didn’t make attempt to stop her. I concluded that I have to do something. Then without any iota of anger in me. I raised my hand up and gave her 2 thunderous slaps across her face. She opened her mouth for complete 5 minutes she couldn’t close it. I knew she would be thinking she has over stepped her boundary. She started shouting that I have killed her and all sorts. People that never had me speak in that street for good one year I stayed their plus close to a year she has spent with me were aghast. Since that day many things changed for the worse. Though she stopped hitting me after that, except sometimes when she would push me against the wall and i get some bruises.
I later travelled home and my siblings were asking me if my hands were tied to my back while a woman was inflicting all these injuries on my body. They saw both the fresh ones and the old bruises. It was a very big issue that families, church members had to intervene. I can tell you since that day things had never remain the same again. It was the beginning of trouble and unhappy home.

My question is this? If you were in my position what would you have done differently?


you can check the previous post here
https://www.nairaland.com/4126638/how-wife-been-terrorizing-me

DonBobes:
Asking about my age just cause am against d crowd
Am just coming from daddy's farm where I went to cultivate cassava.
Am just 14 this year.

Well to close my eyes and imagine it is just too much for me to do, my position is enof to scare d devil out of d lady. Mind you my wife oluwacypris1 is not even an inch close to wat d oga sed.

U seem to have forgotten dat marriage is for better for worse. If he prayed before marrying d lady he would have bn told to soft pedal on marrying dis lady. But he didn't. Now d lady is his wat we call, his lady in red . He should change her not divorce her. Divorcing her is a sin.

LazyNairalander:
Sure the wife is from Benin city.


That's their way in that part of the country.

selflessmaya:
look, it's not my fault if you have absolutely no reading comprehension. you're none of my business. i did not point out my likes to intimidate anyone with the number of ppl that agreed with me, it's basic sentence structure, learn it: u said my comment was long and no one here will waste time reading it ... (your comment in quote below to jog your lil memory), i replied that 160+ ppl have read & liked it. sentence break down: if 160+ ppl liked it, it means that more than 160 ppl have read the comment . learn sentence structure, subject & predicate before u come spewing trash. the subject of my conversation with u was not who agreed or who didn't but who read it and who didn't and the proof of number of readers(subject of the topic) lies in the ppl who took time to like my comment, going by the theory that a comment's no of likes are always equal or less than the number of ppl who read it cos some ppl also read it and didnt like it and kept it moving but they read it which is THE POINT.

i had many mentions of ppl who did not agree with me and not once did i refute them saying many ppl agree with me cos of likes, so if i mentioned that to u, it's not my fault u dont know the subject of a topic that YOU started. you missed the point woefullly cos you're super desperate to call my bluff. i have you really pressed, just how i like it, stay pressed! i never called u names yet you're here trying to put me down and calling me empty, go call your mother that, she's the one who raised a pained b!tch like u. the only conclusion you came to is the woman is evil so why not just state it?

you tried to silence my first comment: asking if i'm a psychiatrist to make such conclusions.. then said f*ck whatever psychiatrist who thinks i'm right, so ur issue with me is not that u question my qualifications to observe but u just dont want to agree with me, u dont have to agree with me, so freeze that. now you're saying that even if i were a doctor, many would die at my hands. so hell bent to diminish my opinion you concluded that all 870 ppl who liked the comment are 'the stupid ppl who make up majority' on this site. bye felicia! u can choke on your own sh!t as you stuff it to fill up your own emptiness & void. feed your mama some of your sh!t too, heaven knows you have enough to go around. chew on that! this is the nicest reply u will get from me ever again so if you're gonna do this to yourself and show up in my mentions again, let me inform u first that i will show zero sensitivity while clapping back cos u're very stupid. so, u better bring your A-game cos i am not your match. you are wayyy beneath me and it shows & i will draaaaagggg u so hard your ancestors will feel it. better pretend u didnt read this and dodge this bullet, it's a long reply but well detailed since all u do is miss the point, refuse to read and act foolish. you constipated idiot!

freecocoa:
My friend you are writing plenty rubbish that no one cares for.

I was reading and got bored, you kept repeating yourself about what you meant with likes bla bla bla, talkin bout sentence structure, subject, yada yada, bish no one cares about all that, who subject help? See person wey wan teach me sentence structure, let's even assume I need to learn something on that, you are not one to teach me, cos I mean, you don't know anything. And if you think everyone who liked your useless post actually read it, then you are crazier than originally thought, like some mad people don't go about liking every post they see, girl please!

Point is, you just made diagnosis with made up facts and decided to proffer solution based on that, a very nonsensical move, she is not your patient, you don't know Jack about her to make such outrageous inferences, you get brain so?

See this one talking about someone being intimidated by likes, come do you even know where you are at all? What will likes contribute to anybody's life? See why you you don't have sense? I didn't read your whole epistle, there's no need to, you are too stupid it hurts, the annoying thing is that you actually believe you are too much, my friend you are a numbskull, you don't know sh1t, you can kill yourself if you like, as I tell you, na so e dey. You don't know squat.

And don't annoy me o, if you want us to cuss ourselves from now till tomorrow, I can take you up on that o, so better respect yourself and learn how to give advice, rubbish somebody.

And I think I read something somewhere you said about calling you names, I can call whatever I like cos that's what you are, kill yourself.

*Modified *
Hahaha , I said let me even read this thing sef, see who I'm arguing, taking a shot at parents, now are we? You are worse than I thought, then you had the nerves to warn me about mentioning you? Bish, you don looked for trouble, like you actually believe you are scary? If I slap you eh, you will see stars, it's like you don't know your mates, just see wetin is saying that someone is beneath her, you wey no get one single sense, you go watch movie finish come here talking rubbish, expecting people to agree with you, and if they don't, they are beneath you? I can tell you have serious complex issues, who cares about you to wonder whether they are beneath you or not? You are not well o. And you better give it all you got o, better thunder fire you there, anumanu! To God you get luck, just thank your stars I'm in a good mood, tozo!

BTW, selflessmaya selflessmaya selflessmaya selflessmaya infinity, I have mentioned you, now do your worst.

vinchee:
Easier said than done. That's a full-time job on it's own.

Where will a man who is supposed to go out and conquer the world find the amount of time, energy and patience needed to manage a wife with such a condition.

So what if they happen to live in a hot and stressful country like Nigeria.
What if the man is an alpha, how is he meant to change his personality to become submissive.

Alas, anything is possible as far as the woman understands and admits thst she needs help.

Belafonte:
All these ones na theory. The man should be dormant, as in, he should let his wife dominate him and walk around on eggshells. Because? Because he wants to cure her crase. You make me laugh.

Women despise wussy husbands. It is innate. A woman craves a man who would dominate her and is repulsed by husbands who defer to them. She will chew him and spit him out like dry, tasteless sugarcane. Women like these cannot be reasoned with and they have a severe problem with self awareness.

The man will be enslaved to her ideology and whims. He cannot correct her when she is obviously wrong as she will double down on her rhetoric and treat him as an enemy because he corrected her. Baba, abeg no let me talk.

mofedamijo:
I understand u, however they've known each other for 8years and it was never activated,not even 4 once until when she don see herself as his wife......why until after?

advania:
Chai!
Cocoa still fighting.. mogbe!

freecocoa:
Before nko? And who are you?

advania:
Hmmmm..

Your friend.

ashjay001:
Wrongchoice, pele ti e!?


Marrying d wrong wife is one of d most humbling experience a thinking man can have!?


And, I think these ladies were under pressure to marry, which is why they suppress their unlikeable characteristics just so u hook up!?


A lot of pple still believe i'm d devil in mine, until they witness me on d receiving end. Not physically violent, but her verbal abuse/assault n conduct, no be here!?

I was able to restrain myself for 7yrs of marriage, but d day I had to hit her was d day I decided to end it!?


Hope u dont have kids yet? Just get out, it doesnt get any better!?!


To unmarried folks; always put divorce on d table, it should be an option!? Or else, u probably will go through d most harrowing experience of ur adult life, having refused to activate ur get out card!? U may not survive it, I almost didnt, cos, suicide seemed a better option!?

odeyinugbolahan:
my brother!!! yours is still better.. i suffered more than that in my ex wife hand.. your hands are not tied as the questions you were asked; its just that one have to keep calm. we are all human being with blood flowing in our veins, everyone have anger limit..

my woman still goes about telling pple that i beat her up at little provocation! meanwhile it happen just twice even though she assaults me at least twice in a month and she refuse to mention the fact that she is the one that push me that far.. she packed out some 4months ago and i have my peace back even though i miss her small sha...

you are in great danger if you are not careful ..

libertyfather:
Words are wind but blows are unkind, we experience things a different way urs is diff from wrongchoice own as well diff from mine way out has been an issue for me even now with 2 kids. I wish we can have a WhatsApp group chat because sometimes I do feel Im at fault but must it result to all this hardship from this women, well only us knows what we go through people out here never seems to realize is that we just sharing experience not seeking for advice or counseling cause nothing will ever change

ashjay001:
This post made me think of a chatroom too, even a thread on nl(too public sha).
The video of churchill, being assaulted, made me realise, it cuts across class, religion or tribe.
But a place we can share/talk abt our experience, profer solutions/advice n just receive support, to know one is not alone.