₦airaland Forum

desreek9:
Please take time to read this, I really need your advice.

I am a working mother of four kids (2 sets of twins) been married since 2012; I and my husband communicate well, our sex life is great (we explore diff. styles) and I make sure everyone is contented and satisfied or so i thought.
How i found out he was cheating

I noticed I didn't see my period for two months which is weird, I checked if i was with child but it was negative, before then I noticed burning feeling when i pee and pains so i decided to see a doctor, that was how i received the greatest shock of my life. I was told i had STD, I was in shock, crying and shaking cos i know i got it from my husband, was told to do an HIV test.

After the longest wait of my life and vomiting due to anxiety and panic, it was negative. Three months later was still negative, I went home thinking of ways to kill my husband. Later that night i first asked him if he was cheating he blatantly denied but when i showed him the test result, he was dumbfounded and started begging, i asked him why with tears rolling down my eyes, he couldn't give any reason because he knows everything was great btw us, i told him we would never make love anymore that i can't risk my life because of sex, he was begging me saying he would change, i told him i can never trust him cos once a cheat, always a cheat.

My people, it's over a year and we've not had sex, he can't chase me away from the house because we both built it and the land is in my name, sometimes he comes home late but i really don't care since we have separate bedroom. He said he can't leave because he will have to tell his and my people but he doesn't want the embarrassment.

Apart from all these, every other aspect is great at home, so my question is this; is my decision too harsh or am i justified?

Your decision is harsh, but perfectly understandable......
Has he openly confessed to you? Have you both visited a counsellor?
Your depriving of sex, simply means he is getting it elsewhere and not too bothered....
Sex is a catalyst that pulls couples together. Don't let anger get the best of you......

mosthigh33:
Her picture attached

Please take this down, this is not right please

Benita27:
I don't need to be married here to know my deal breaker. I'd tell my spouse the day I say "Yes, I'd marry you" that any day he finds out I'm cheating and I'm guilty of that charge to divorce and through me out, while I file for divorce when I get a whip he's cheating. That's one thing I can never tolerate and would not. Marriage or not, kids or not. I can't be happy knowing my man is a dog.

that's why u are not not married. Better forget marriage if u can't deal with offences and tolerance

Jman06:
If you think married ladies don't have men chasing them then you need to think again.

faithful men? No

Marriage is not an agreement for agony.You gave him a good punishment which I believe was enough.You can forgive now,then ask him to do some tests to show he is disease free.Is good for you guys to take a brief holiday to a nice place somewhere of your choice and rekindle the bond again.If you are not interested in him then you could file for a divorce.Having children is not an excuse for not separating.Either you make up or you separate because sooner or later he will have children outside with the space you have given him.Bonne chance.

Rokia2:
The fact that you opened this thread is enough to prove you are now sick of all this. You miss your husband and want the sex badly but pride and ego wouldn't let you put your guard down. But you just want strangers on the internet to tell you what you know you need to do. SMH

This is beyond childish. For a whole fu..c.king year you two have been living together fooling yourselves thinking you are fooling the world. Living in complete denial of the whole issue. What's the essence in staying together to be miserable? I guess some people just enjoy been depressed and miserable cause I see absolutely no logic in this whole thing.

You either forgive or divorce simple as that. Why do people live to please other people? Are people gonna die your death for you? Make a freaking decision and stop acting like kids. Instead of been embarrassed of what people will say, you guys should be embarrass of yourselves for letting your marriage deteriorate to this level.


What sort of a woman are you though? He cheated yes wrong but your job was to either forgive or leave. Why stay and make life miserable for him like this? You can sell the God damn house and everyone take their own share. But no the two of you decided to stay together just to live a terribly loveless and dysfunctional marriage. Teaching your children what exactly?

Mature talk

I will advise the man to marry a second wife.

Benita27:
I don't need to be married here to know my deal breaker. I'd tell my spouse the day I say "Yes, I'd marry you" that any day he finds out I'm cheating and I'm guilty of that charge to divorce and through me out, while I file for divorce when I get a whip he's cheating. That's one thing I can never tolerate and would not. Marriage or not, kids or not. I can't be happy knowing my man is a dog.

I love you for this.

Say no to irresponsible men !

OgaApollos:
that's why u are not not married. Better forget marriage if u can't deal with offences and tolerance

You all haven't answered my question. Would you tolerate and love back your cheating wife like nothing of that nature ever happened?. Since I don't want to commit murder 'cause I could be excessive jealous, I'd rather remain single than marry a cheating man. Where's the respect in the first place?.

Adaumunocha:
Married men who sleep with chics outside without protection are just plain dumbos with fish brain....

Quote me if you are one.

So married men have the freedom to chop outside, so long as they strap up?

I think you missed a step... I am not blaming you.

If i were you i would tell him to get tested so you could know the root of the problem and also solve it.... But I guess you vented the cheating part on that. But the good news is....it's never too late to change direction in life until it's really too late.

Benita27:
Ma'am, you did the right thing. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise, I know the band that'd quickly type "Cheating is in our biology" when a man cheats but would advise a man whose wife cheated on to throw her out, would come here to fault you. Not realising we all have our deal breaker. Just what if you were given HIV?. Whether you sex-starve him or not, he'd still cheat...just as he won't say he has not had sex in the past one year. So he knows he can't let his family find out his escapades as a married man and he was busy cheating?.

My question is; how long would you both live the way you're presently?. Don't remain in any marriage you don't want to just because of what the society or family would say...don't let them hold you ransom...divorce if you want and remain if you could overlook his cheating. This situation isn't helping the both of you.

You are no less than a divorce counselor & probably a divorcee too. You need Jesus!

UBGG:
Well, if he's survived one year without making a fuss about it, he's either really happy he doesn't have to sleep with you no more or just a freaking sissy.

He is enjoying his sexual freedom....... Choose any lady he fancies and give them leg overs......

yaqq:
faithful men? No

Ofcourse many responsible single guys can date her.

desreek9:
Please take time to read this, I really need your advice.

I am a working mother of four kids (2 sets of twins) been married since 2012; I and my husband communicate well, our sex life is great (we explore diff. styles) and I make sure everyone is contented and satisfied or so i thought.
How i found out he was cheating

I noticed I didn't see my period for two months which is weird, I checked if i was with child but it was negative, before then I noticed burning feeling when i pee and pains so i decided to see a doctor, that was how i received the greatest shock of my life. I was told i had STD, I was in shock, crying and shaking cos i know i got it from my husband, was told to do an HIV test.

After the longest wait of my life and vomiting due to anxiety and panic, it was negative. Three months later was still negative, I went home thinking of ways to kill my husband. Later that night i first asked him if he was cheating he blatantly denied but when i showed him the test result, he was dumbfounded and started begging, i asked him why with tears rolling down my eyes, he couldn't give any reason because he knows everything was great btw us, i told him we would never make love anymore that i can't risk my life because of sex, he was begging me saying he would change, i told him i can never trust him cos once a cheat, always a cheat.

My people, it's over a year and we've not had sex, he can't chase me away from the house because we both built it and the land is in my name, sometimes he comes home late but i really don't care since we have separate bedroom. He said he can't leave because he will have to tell his and my people but he doesn't want the embarrassment.

Apart from all these, every other aspect is great at home, so my question is this; is my decision too harsh or am i justified?

madam you lack forgiveness , a year? marriage doesn't mean anything to u. from lovers to housemate. smh

Jman06:
I love you for this.

Say no to irresponsible men !

I can't come and kill myself for a man that doesn't respect the institution called marriage. The second they start cheating, they inadvertently sabotage that institution.

YOUR PUSSY CUNT HAS BECOME WIDE AFTER PRODUCING TWO SET OF TWINS HE NEEDS FRESH AND TIGHT CUNT THAT CAN HOLD FAST HIS PENIS WHILE IN ACTION. OTHER WOMEN ARE INTERESTED IN THE BLESSING HE HAS IMPLANTED INTO YOUR WOMB AND WANT THEIR OWN SHARE OF THE NATIONAL CAKE. STAY THERE MUMU YOURSELF WHEN OTHER WOMEN ARE MILKING YOUR OILWELL DRY. YOUR NAME IS SORRY. YOU DID NOT MASSAGE HIS PENIS WHEN HE WAS BORN SO IT IS NOT YOUR PROPERTY. IT IS A PRIVELEGE. GO AND SETTLE WITH YOUR HUSBAND IF YOU LIKE AND ENJOY YOUR MARRIAGE OR YOU GO AND KILL YOUR SELF. GREEDY WOMAN

I am a working mother of four kids (2 sets of twins) been married since 2012; I and my husband communicate well, our sex life is great (we explore diff. styles) and I make sure everyone is contented and satisfied or so i thought.
How i found out he was cheating

I noticed I didn't see my period for two months which is weird, I checked if i was with child but it was negative, before then I noticed burning feeling when i pee and pains so i decided to see a doctor, that was how i received the greatest shock of my life. I was told i had STD, I was in shock, crying and shaking cos i know i got it from my husband, was told to do an HIV test.

After the longest wait of my life and vomiting due to anxiety and panic, it was negative. Three months later was still negative, I went home thinking of ways to kill my husband. Later that night i first asked him if he was cheating he blatantly denied but when i showed him the test result, he was dumbfounded and started begging, i asked him why with tears rolling down my eyes, he couldn't give any reason because he knows everything was great btw us, i told him we would never make love anymore that i can't risk my life because of sex, he was begging me saying he would change, i told him i can never trust him cos once a cheat, always a cheat.

My people, it's over a year and we've not had sex, he can't chase me away from the house because we both built it and the land is in my name, sometimes he comes home late but i really don't care since we have separate bedroom. He said he can't leave because he will have to tell his and my people but he doesn't want the embarrassment.

Apart from all these, every other aspect is great at home, so my question is this; is my decision too harsh or am i justified?[/quote]

Lexusgs430:
So married men have the freedom to chop outside, so long as they strap up?

No but who can stop them? Its a social reality no one can put an end to.

holuwajobar:
is it ur brain

Well done... God is watching u

Benita27:
Ma'am, you did the right thing. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise, I know the band that'd quickly type "Cheating is in our biology" when a man cheats but would advise a man whose wife cheated on to throw her out, would come here to fault you. Not realising we all have our deal breaker. Just what if you were given HIV?. Whether you sex-starve him or not, he'd still cheat...just as he won't say he has not had sex in the past one year. So he knows he can't let his family find out his escapades as a married man and he was busy cheating?.

My question is; how long would you both live the way you're presently?. Don't remain in any marriage you don't want to just because of what the society or family would say...don't let them hold you ransom...divorce if you want and remain if you could overlook his cheating. This situation isn't helping the both of you.

Haba! are you in anyway suggesting she divorce her husband simple bcoz he cheated on her Then what will be d fate of their children if I may ask her decision to stay put is ok bcoz marriage is not a bed of Rose and it should be for better for worse.

Mosthigh33 please take her picture and full name down.

She came here asking for advice and it's good she remains anonymous. She's looking for a solution if someone who knows her and hubby sees this that may make things worse.

Adaumunocha:
No but who can stop them? Its a social reality no one can put an end to.

My sister, you speak well. Nobody can stop either sex from cheating. But if one feels the need to cheat, be concerned about spreading STD's to an innocent person and don't get caught.......

Benita27:
I can't come and kill myself for a man that doesn't respect the institution called marriage. The second they start cheating, they inadvertently sabotage that institution.

Exactly !
Ladies should stop acting as if the responsility of keeping the mariage is theirs alone. This is what gives irresponsible men the guts to cheat.

NoToPile:
Mosthigh33 please take her picture and full name down.

She came here asking for advice and it's good she remains anonymous. She's looking for a solution if someone who knows her and hubby sees this that may make things worse.

I wonder.... That's very harsh.... She should have taken off her twitter handle....

oscallins:
So u think u ar doing ur husband?
He will just be lookin at u like God bless u for d freedom.
ur hole go just dey rust for Africa

nah i don't think so cuz she must hz been getting the dk somewhere too, that's why she no send her husband again,

desreek9:
Please take time to read this, I really need your advice.

I am a working mother of four kids (2 sets of twins) been married since 2012; I and my husband communicate well, our sex life is great (we explore diff. styles) and I make sure everyone is contented and satisfied or so i thought.
How i found out he was cheating

I noticed I didn't see my period for two months which is weird, I checked if i was with child but it was negative, before then I noticed burning feeling when i pee and pains so i decided to see a doctor, that was how i received the greatest shock of my life. I was told i had STD, I was in shock, crying and shaking cos i know i got it from my husband, was told to do an HIV test.

After the longest wait of my life and vomiting due to anxiety and panic, it was negative. Three months later was still negative, I went home thinking of ways to kill my husband. Later that night i first asked him if he was cheating he blatantly denied but when i showed him the test result, he was dumbfounded and started begging, i asked him why with tears rolling down my eyes, he couldn't give any reason because he knows everything was great btw us, i told him we would never make love anymore that i can't risk my life because of sex, he was begging me saying he would change, i told him i can never trust him cos once a cheat, always a cheat.

My people, it's over a year and we've not had sex, he can't chase me away from the house because we both built it and the land is in my name, sometimes he comes home late but i really don't care since we have separate bedroom. He said he can't leave because he will have to tell his and my people but he doesn't want the embarrassment.

Apart from all these, every other aspect is great at home, so my question is this; is my decision too harsh or am i justified?

Hasty decision. Should have tested him first. You can get STD from other sources (poor hygiene). Your vagina is next door to your urethra and anus. Both are powerhouses for e.coli and proteus. If you had gono or syphilis, then you can hang the man on a cross. If he hesitated to get tested, then you can make your conclusions. Anyway, hope you sort things out fast before it turns violent someday

desreek9:
Please take time to read this, I really need your advice.

I am a working mother of four kids (2 sets of twins) been married since 2012; I and my husband communicate well, our sex life is great (we explore diff. styles) and I make sure everyone is contented and satisfied or so i thought.
How i found out he was cheating

I noticed I didn't see my period for two months which is weird, I checked if i was with child but it was negative, before then I noticed burning feeling when i pee and pains so i decided to see a doctor, that was how i received the greatest shock of my life. I was told i had STD, I was in shock, crying and shaking cos i know i got it from my husband, was told to do an HIV test.

After the longest wait of my life and vomiting due to anxiety and panic, it was negative. Three months later was still negative, I went home thinking of ways to kill my husband. Later that night i first asked him if he was cheating he blatantly denied but when i showed him the test result, he was dumbfounded and started begging, i asked him why with tears rolling down my eyes, he couldn't give any reason because he knows everything was great btw us, i told him we would never make love anymore that i can't risk my life because of sex, he was begging me saying he would change, i told him i can never trust him cos once a cheat, always a cheat.

My people, it's over a year and we've not had sex, he can't chase me away from the house because we both built it and the land is in my name, sometimes he comes home late but i really don't care since we have separate bedroom. He said he can't leave because he will have to tell his and my people but he doesn't want the embarrassment.

Apart from all these, every other aspect is great at home, so my question is this; is my decision too harsh or am i justified?

Have you ever think of how he will treat u wen old age start to set in, wen the normal curves will be gone. you can continue, but remember there will be a time u will need him more than you think, dat time wen ur body will no longer entice him..

Madam, why not divorce him and start life again? Your husband was sick and he never told you rather he slept you on such devastating health condition. Assuming it's HIV? That man doesn't hv any regard for u and the kids, it's a mark of foolishness to die in marriage becos of stupid mistake from a selfish partner.

expensiveguyman:
Haba! are you in anyway suggesting she divorce her husband simple bcoz he cheated on her Then what will be d fate of their children if I may ask her decision to stay put is ok bcoz marriage is not a bed of Rose and it should be for better for worse.

It takes ages to build trust while it takes seconds to loose that trust. For better, for worse shouldn't be applicable here when the woman is building the home and making sure things are in place while the man is busy sabotaging what she's built with his actions. Obviously he's not ready to be in that union since his actions points to that direction.

Lexusgs430:
My sister, you speak well. Nobody can stop either sex from cheating. But if one feels the need to cheat, be concerned about spreading STD's to an innocent person and don't get caught.......

True talk

NoToPile:
Mosthigh33 please take her picture and full name down.

She came here asking for advice and it's good she remains anonymous. She's looking for a solution if someone who knows her and hubby sees this that may make things worse.

Really?

I don't think she came here to seek for advice.

I think she came here to get some supporters for her which will help her in feeling justified for over punishing her randy husband.

desreek9:
Please take time to read this, I really need your advice.

I am a working mother of four kids (2 sets of twins) been married since 2012; I and my husband communicate well, our sex life is great (we explore diff. styles) and I make sure everyone is contented and satisfied or so i thought.
How i found out he was cheating

I noticed I didn't see my period for two months which is weird, I checked if i was with child but it was negative, before then I noticed burning feeling when i pee and pains so i decided to see a doctor, that was how i received the greatest shock of my life. I was told i had STD, I was in shock, crying and shaking cos i know i got it from my husband, was told to do an HIV test.

After the longest wait of my life and vomiting due to anxiety and panic, it was negative. Three months later was still negative, I went home thinking of ways to kill my husband. Later that night i first asked him if he was cheating he blatantly denied but when i showed him the test result, he was dumbfounded and started begging, i asked him why with tears rolling down my eyes, he couldn't give any reason because he knows everything was great btw us, i told him we would never make love anymore that i can't risk my life because of sex, he was begging me saying he would change, i told him i can never trust him cos once a cheat, always a cheat.

My people, it's over a year and we've not had sex, he can't chase me away from the house because we both built it and the land is in my name, sometimes he comes home late but i really don't care since we have separate bedroom. He said he can't leave because he will have to tell his and my people but he doesn't want the embarrassment.

Apart from all these, every other aspect is great at home, so my question is this; is my decision too harsh or am i justified?

So what do you do when you're horney (mis-spelt because of NL )? My advice, if you're going to forgive; forgive wholeheartedly.... If not you've given both of you license to cheat