pcguru1:
The hypocrisy is strong here, if it were the other way round I'd be hearing divorce.

Very very strong... God help women

Op.....your marriage ended the moment your husband decided to cheat.The why, how and wetin happen isn't an issue. He had a choice.

He infected you meaning he has no love and regard for himself therefore none for you and the kids. Infidelity kills.

You guys can take a step back and build things again if he is truly remorseful and you can forgive him.

What you did for the meantime isn't wrong. If you die cos of STD who would raise your kids?

Remember, all STD can't be prevented by condoms. The deadly and currently rampaging HPV virus can be gotten from pubic hairs sef. It's the main cause of cervical cancer. Cervical cancer has no cure. Hepatitis B and D are sexually transmitted through ordinary kiss and they are killers.

So if he is truly repentant...then forgive.

The most important things in marriage is loyalty and trust. Otherwise you are in the typical Nigerian marriage.

Can a man that cheats stay 1 year without sex.
I don't think so.
Pls tell him no rubber no sex.

Benita27:
Ma'am, you did the right thing. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise, I know the band that'd quickly type "Cheating is in our biology" when a man cheats but would advise a man whose wife cheated on to throw her out, would come here to fault you. Not realising we all have our deal breaker. Just what if you were given HIV?. Whether you sex-starve him or not, he'd still cheat...just as he won't say he has not had sex in the past one year. So he knows he can't let his family find out his escapades as a married man and he was busy cheating?.

My question is; how long would you both live the way you're presently?. Don't remain in any marriage you don't want to just because of what the society or family would say...don't let them hold you ransom...divorce if you want and remain if you could overlook his cheating. This situation isn't helping the both of you.

People be putting fuel in another persons already burning home.... wehdon o

For other posters blaming her, cheating is not ordinary cheating. It's shows following.
Lack of self respect
Lack of spousal respect
Lack of respect for your children
Loss of loyalty and trust
Betrayal
More than 2 people has now become 1
Illegal cos it's a breach in contract.
No fear of God
Stress trying to maintain to secrecy
Loss of finance
Waste of time (get a hobby and spend time with kids)
Reduced longevity

People the time you use to chase after side chick and side boys use it and invest in yourself.
Learn craft,
Learn new language
Make more money,
Visit countries and travel,
Enjoy this blessed earth God has given us.
Spend time with kids, siblings even parents
Visit orphanages
Play games and sports
Learn a skill

There is too much to get out of life that it's even a sin to me not to.

Why spend 5 mind chasing skirts and young blood that isn't happiness.

Intimacy with anybody? Don't u guys get irritated?

OP, file for divorce immediately. The current arrangement of living together without sex for over a year is not sustainable. You have a good case initially but if you continue like this with time, your case will start looking bad. He will have more than enough excuse against you in the future. Again, you also deserve some happiness. I don't see how you will remain happy with the current arrangement.

desreek9:
Please take time to read this, I really need your advice.

I am a working mother of four kids (2 sets of twins) been married since 2012; I and my husband communicate well, our sex life is great (we explore diff. styles) and I make sure everyone is contented and satisfied or so i thought.
How i found out he was cheating

I noticed I didn't see my period for two months which is weird, I checked if i was with child but it was negative, before then I noticed burning feeling when i pee and pains so i decided to see a doctor, that was how i received the greatest shock of my life. I was told i had STD, I was in shock, crying and shaking cos i know i got it from my husband, was told to do an HIV test.

After the longest wait of my life and vomiting due to anxiety and panic, it was negative. Three months later was still negative, I went home thinking of ways to kill my husband. Later that night i first asked him if he was cheating he blatantly denied but when i showed him the test result, he was dumbfounded and started begging, i asked him why with tears rolling down my eyes, he couldn't give any reason because he knows everything was great btw us, i told him we would never make love anymore that i can't risk my life because of sex, he was begging me saying he would change, i told him i can never trust him cos once a cheat, always a cheat.

My people, it's over a year and we've not had sex, he can't chase me away from the house because we both built it and the land is in my name, sometimes he comes home late but i really don't care since we have separate bedroom. He said he can't leave because he will have to tell his and my people but he doesn't want the embarrassment.

Apart from all these, every other aspect is great at home, so my question is this; is my decision too harsh or am i justified?

simple gold circle condom wld solve ds case na...atleast u guys dnt need children again.

desreek9:
Please take time to read this, I really need your advice.

I am a working mother of four kids (2 sets of twins) been married since 2012; I and my husband communicate well, our sex life is great (we explore diff. styles) and I make sure everyone is contented and satisfied or so i thought.
How i found out he was cheating

I noticed I didn't see my period for two months which is weird, I checked if i was with child but it was negative, before then I noticed burning feeling when i pee and pains so i decided to see a doctor, that was how i received the greatest shock of my life. I was told i had STD, I was in shock, crying and shaking cos i know i got it from my husband, was told to do an HIV test.

After the longest wait of my life and vomiting due to anxiety and panic, it was negative. Three months later was still negative, I went home thinking of ways to kill my husband. Later that night i first asked him if he was cheating he blatantly denied but when i showed him the test result, he was dumbfounded and started begging, i asked him why with tears rolling down my eyes, he couldn't give any reason because he knows everything was great btw us, i told him we would never make love anymore that i can't risk my life because of sex, he was begging me saying he would change, i told him i can never trust him cos once a cheat, always a cheat.

My people, it's over a year and we've not had sex, he can't chase me away from the house because we both built it and the land is in my name, sometimes he comes home late but i really don't care since we have separate bedroom. He said he can't leave because he will have to tell his and my people but he doesn't want the embarrassment.

Apart from all these, every other aspect is great at home, so my question is this; is my decision too harsh or am i justified?

since your man is a cheay and its obvious he has also cheated in this space of 1year too, but you still need sex from him, ask him to wear a condom. its that simple.

.contact us for laundry services

FAMILY, PLACE OF FORGIVENESS ...

There is no perfect family. We do not have perfect parents, we are not perfect, we do not marry a perfect person or have perfect children.
We have complaints from each other. We disappoint each other. So there is no healthy marriage or healthy family without the exercise of forgiveness.
Forgiveness is vital to our emotional health and spiritual survival. Without forgiveness the family becomes an arena of conflict and a stronghold of hurt.

Without forgiveness, the family becomes ill. Forgiveness is the a sepsis of the soul, the cleansing of the mind and the liberation of the heart.
Whoever does not forgive does not have peace in the soul nor communion with God. Hurt is poison that intoxicates and kills. Keeping heartache in the heart is a self-destructive gesture. It's autophagy.
Those who do not forgive are physically, emotionally and spiritually ill.

That is why the family must be a place of life, not of death;
Territory of cure and not of illness;
Stage of forgiveness and not guilt.
Forgiveness brings joy where sorrow has produced sadness;
Healing, where sorrow has caused disease.

- Pope Francisco

.

desreek9:
Please take time to read this, I really need your advice.

I am a working mother of four kids (2 sets of twins) been married since 2012; I and my husband communicate well, our sex life is great (we explore diff. styles) and I make sure everyone is contented and satisfied or so i thought.
How i found out he was cheating

I noticed I didn't see my period for two months which is weird, I checked if i was with child but it was negative, before then I noticed burning feeling when i pee and pains so i decided to see a doctor, that was how i received the greatest shock of my life. I was told i had STD, I was in shock, crying and shaking cos i know i got it from my husband, was told to do an HIV test.

After the longest wait of my life and vomiting due to anxiety and panic, it was negative. Three months later was still negative, I went home thinking of ways to kill my husband. Later that night i first asked him if he was cheating he blatantly denied but when i showed him the test result, he was dumbfounded and started begging, i asked him why with tears rolling down my eyes, he couldn't give any reason because he knows everything was great btw us, i told him we would never make love anymore that i can't risk my life because of sex, he was begging me saying he would change, i told him i can never trust him cos once a cheat, always a cheat.

My people, it's over a year and we've not had sex, he can't chase me away from the house because we both built it and the land is in my name, sometimes he comes home late but i really don't care since we have separate bedroom. He said he can't leave because he will have to tell his and my people but he doesn't want the embarrassment.

Apart from all these, every other aspect is great at home, so my question is this; is my decision too harsh or am i justified?

Madam, forget all the nonsense many people are saying so far.

By the looks of your story your man isn't yet ready to stop cheating so your life is still in danger if you resume unprotected intercourse with him.

If you choose to forgive him and resume intercourse, insist it must be with condom. I repeat "insist" or your next story could be HIV. Infact buy bagload of condoms and store in your room just to be sure.

If you don't want to do this then remain the way you are cos it's the wisest and safest for you. Your life first for the sake of your children.

I don't believe this story because it's fake and unrealistic in every way besides alot of contradictory lines and sentences.
It's a complete LIE.

Do you realize that this is marriage she is talking about, not some useless relationship?
Before you say she is right.
Marriage is a commitment to stay together and work things out.
A cheating husband is different from a cheating boyfriend

Benita27:
Ma'am, you did the right thing. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise, I know the band that'd quickly type "Cheating is in our biology" when a man cheats but would advise a man whose wife cheated on to throw her out, would come here to fault you. Not realising we all have our deal breaker. Just what if you were given HIV?. Whether you sex-starve him or not, he'd still cheat...just as he won't say he has not had sex in the past one year. So he knows he can't let his family find out his escapades as a married man and he was busy cheating?.

My question is; how long would you both live the way you're presently?. Don't remain in any marriage you don't want to just because of what the society or family would say...don't let them hold you ransom...divorce if you want and remain if you could overlook his cheating. This situation isn't helping the both of you.

Rokia2:
The fact that you opened this thread is enough to prove you are now sick of all this. You miss your husband and want the sex badly but pride and ego wouldn't let you put your guard down. But you just want strangers on the internet to tell you what you know you need to do. SMH

This is beyond childish. For a whole fu..c.king year you two have been living together fooling yourselves thinking you are fooling the world. Living in complete denial of the whole issue. What's the essence in staying together to be miserable? I guess some people just enjoy been depressed and miserable cause I see absolutely no logic in this whole thing.

You either forgive or divorce simple as that. Why do people live to please other people? Are people gonna die your death for you? Make a freaking decision and stop acting like kids. Instead of been embarrassed of what people will say, you guys should be embarrass of yourselves for letting your marriage deteriorate to this level.


What sort of a woman are you though? He cheated yes wrong but your job was to either forgive or leave. Why stay and make life miserable for him like this? You can sell the God damn house and everyone take their own share. But no the two of you decided to stay together just to live a terribly loveless and dysfunctional marriage. Teaching your children what exactly?

Where the people wey born this pikin? may their days be sweet and happy.
If just 500 women in Nigeria can put down such wisdom, then there is hope for naija.

Yawa! You,ve married a cheat and a cheat is always a cheat, marriage or not. Solution? Learn to live with it and use condoms and if you cannot cope with a cheat (some women can actually cope with a cheat,) but if you can,t, then, leave if you can.

YelloweWest:

It is the husband that spoiled the marriage o

but as a matured man he has begged for forgiveness which is normal. To err is human.. She is acting childish.. To forgive is divine.

“Apart from all these, every other aspect is great at home”.....without giving your husband sex, are you trying to be funny? He is obviously getting it outside if everything is great at home. Better get your man back and start fucking his brains out before you lose him finally. This was how my mum lost my dad to another woman, be wise. Sex is the difference between “mother of my children” and “wife”

desreek9:
Please take time to read this, I really need your advice.

I am a working mother of four kids (2 sets of twins) been married since 2012; I and my husband communicate well, our sex life is great (we explore diff. styles) and I make sure everyone is contented and satisfied or so i thought.
How i found out he was cheating

I noticed I didn't see my period for two months which is weird, I checked if i was with child but it was negative, before then I noticed burning feeling when i pee and pains so i decided to see a doctor, that was how i received the greatest shock of my life. I was told i had STD, I was in shock, crying and shaking cos i know i got it from my husband, was told to do an HIV test.

After the longest wait of my life and vomiting due to anxiety and panic, it was negative. Three months later was still negative, I went home thinking of ways to kill my husband. Later that night i first asked him if he was cheating he blatantly denied but when i showed him the test result, he was dumbfounded and started begging, i asked him why with tears rolling down my eyes, he couldn't give any reason because he knows everything was great btw us, i told him we would never make love anymore that i can't risk my life because of sex, he was begging me saying he would change, i told him i can never trust him cos once a cheat, always a cheat.

My people, it's over a year and we've not had sex, he can't chase me away from the house because we both built it and the land is in my name, sometimes he comes home late but i really don't care since we have separate bedroom. He said he can't leave because he will have to tell his and my people but he doesn't want the embarrassment.

Apart from all these, every other aspect is great at home, so my question is this; is my decision too harsh or am i justified?

Madam, ignore the fools castigating you. I think you made the best decision anyone could make. Giving you STD was the icing on the take, he went too far. I dislike promiscuous men a lot. Thank God it wasn't HIV which by the way everyone knows has no cure. Abeg keep away from him, you have kids. Anything happens to you, another woman is gonna take your place. Dead men tell no tales.

oscallins:
So u think u ar doing ur husband?
He will just be lookin at u like God bless u for d freedom.
ur hole go just dey rust for Africa

That's a big lie. It's better it gets rust that have a public toilet for a husband.

Benita27:
Ma'am, you did the right thing. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise, I know the band that'd quickly type "Cheating is in our biology" when a man cheats but would advise a man whose wife cheated on to throw her out, would come here to fault you. Not realising we all have our deal breaker. Just what if you were given HIV?. Whether you sex-starve him or not, he'd still cheat...just as he won't say he has not had sex in the past one year. So he knows he can't let his family find out his escapades as a married man and he was busy cheating?.

My question is; how long would you both live the way you're presently?. Don't remain in any marriage you don't want to just because of what the society or family would say...don't let them hold you ransom...divorce if you want and remain if you could overlook his cheating. This situation isn't helping the both of you.

your likes will continue as mistress for dem alhaji's, yahoo boys and aunty for the kids but will never smell marriage if you don't turn away from further plunging the lost ones deep into hades.
Op, you have reason to be angry but have no right to deny your hubby sex.
Marriage is a journey for two, when one falls, the standing one should help him/her up not to further pin him/her down.
Better seek a way to forgive fully (the healing will be gradual, the forgetting even slower), apologise for and reverse that terrible thing you are doing to your husband

iamjavadem:
“Apart from all these, every other aspect is great at home”.....without giving your husband sex, are you trying to be funny? He is obviously getting it outside if everything is great at home. Better get your man back and start fucking his brains out before you lose him finally. This was how my mum lost my dad to another woman, be wise. Sex is the difference between “mother of my children” and “wife”

Better she lose him to another man than lose herself.

hooklover:
Very foolish lady. Thinking u are d only one with pussycat. If no me I no go bother u I go enjoy tire outside and laugh with u at home...

After all u will reach menopause soon. U given birth already so just be watching each other.

My dear, he can take his diseased infested pipe outside. At least some men cheat and use protection.

Rokia2:
The fact that you opened this thread is enough to prove you are now sick of all this. You miss your husband and want the sex badly but pride and ego wouldn't let you put your guard down. But you just want strangers on the internet to tell you what you know you need to do. SMH

This is beyond childish. For a whole fu..c.king year you two have been living together fooling yourselves thinking you are fooling the world. Living in complete denial of the whole issue. What's the essence in staying together to be miserable? I guess some people just enjoy been depressed and miserable cause I see absolutely no logic in this whole thing.

You either forgive or divorce simple as that. Why do people live to please other people? Are people gonna die your death for you? Make a freaking decision and stop acting like kids. Instead of been embarrassed of what people will say, you guys should be embarrass of yourselves for letting your marriage deteriorate to this level.


What sort of a woman are you though? He cheated yes wrong but your job was to either forgive or leave. Why stay and make life miserable for him like this? You can sell the God damn house and everyone take their own share. But no the two of you decided to stay together just to live a terribly loveless and dysfunctional marriage. Teaching your children what exactly?

You are only judging her from a viewpoint. Tell you what? Men apologize all the time, is what they do. For the fact that he said sorry doesn't mean he's not gonna crawl back to it. The addiction is something else.

pls ma...ur husband is ur husband and nobody will change it,starving him sex 4 so long just cos he cheated won't make him 2 b faithful 2 you.rather you giving those girls outside chance 2 b giving him more std.take him 2 a HIV test,if he test negative,continue with him.he's still your husband.two wrongs can never make a right.not all men will cry or say sori 2 the wife but he has shown remorse by crying and saying sori 2 you.pls my dear accept him back.don't listen 2 all dis ladies saying u should go on starving....b wise my dear...husband snatchers full ground now.bring him home,talk 2 him,and know de reason y he normally move outside seeking 4 de same he has in his house.

Rokia2:
The fact that you opened this thread is enough to prove you are now sick of all this. You miss your husband and want the sex badly but pride and ego wouldn't let you put your guard down. But you just want strangers on the internet to tell you what you know you need to do. SMH

This is beyond childish. For a whole fu..c.king year you two have been living together fooling yourselves thinking you are fooling the world. Living in complete denial of the whole issue. What's the essence in staying together to be miserable? I guess some people just enjoy been depressed and miserable cause I see absolutely no logic in this whole thing.

You either forgive or divorce simple as that. Why do people live to please other people? Are people gonna die your death for you? Make a freaking decision and stop acting like kids. Instead of been embarrassed of what people will say, you guys should be embarrass of yourselves for letting your marriage deteriorate to this level.


What sort of a woman are you though? He cheated yes wrong but your job was to either forgive or leave. Why stay and make life miserable for him like this? You can sell the God damn house and everyone take their own share. But no the two of you decided to stay together just to live a terribly loveless and dysfunctional marriage. Teaching your children what exactly?

I respect you so much for this post!

lxvi8xii:
Op.....your marriage ended the moment your husband decided to cheat.The why, how and wetin happen isn't an issue. He had a choice.

He infected you meaning he has no love and regard for himself therefore none for you and the kids. Infidelity kills.

You guys can take a step back and build things again if he is truly remorseful and you can forgive him.

What you did for the meantime isn't wrong. If you die cos of STD who would raise your kids?

Remember, all STD can't be prevented by condoms. The deadly and currently rampaging HPV virus can be gotten from pubic hairs sef. It's the main cause of cervical cancer. Cervical cancer has no cure. Hepatitis B and D are sexually transmitted through ordinary kiss and they are killers.

So if he is truly repentant...then forgive.

The most important things in marriage is loyalty and trust. Otherwise you are in the typical Nigerian marriage.

Its obvious you are ignorant of HIV, you can still make your point without given false information

Most married men fuc.k someone else during their marital life home and abroad but the man shd be more responsible with it by using condom that won't break during outdoor shagging.
Madam, I believe you have made him worse after a year of your discovery because he would possibly been fuc.king outside within that year with very 'good' reason he might even have a wife outside now sef cos no uncheating married man would be very comfortable without sex a whole year long.
Pls start fuc.king your husband with condom immediately then after confirming his medical status upgrade the sex with new moves and performance booster. fuc.k him well, ma

Did anyone read the last part?

"every other thing is awesome"

Awesome is not a mild word, mind you.

It means they are both great together. Even without the sex!

LesbianBoy:


Mr man, posting what nairaland ladies (the foolish ones though) want to see won't make them like you!

I am not looking for women on nairaland. I have a relationship ! Nairaland ladies can confirm that i am not in the league of guys who send pm to every female moniker on nairaland. They can as well confirm that i am also against cheating ladies.

The issue is that nigerian men are becoming more irresponsible by the day and it is worrisome

Cutehector:
wait...who is talking about fvck...


Cleanse your thoughts Benita

No mind the mumu always forming one yeye tough, independent chick!

Moukandjo:

No mind the mumu always forming one yeye tough, independent chick!

as big as she is she no know wetin to open person yarnsh mean...