Dear OP,

1. Your husband should not have cheated to let you know. That was disrespect.
2. Your husband should have protected himself first not to get STD from these useless girls that cannot take care of themselves.
3. Your husband is less than a Man to handle your excesses. Unless you are the bread winner maybe (The land is in your name; probably yOu bought with your money).

Now over to you:

1. You have unforgiven spirit. You don't easily let go which is bad for a woman to possess.
2. You cannot be in same roof and denial me my conjugal right for oNE year. Who does that. Everyman knows how to tame his wife.
3. Advice your husband to respect you and protect himself. Let the guilt punish him that's if he has conscience.
4. Even if you report him to the family it will end up against you. Don't try it.
5.finally Pray for this man if you love him than starving him with sex. The man is having it real good outside and he does not care. He even spends more outside than inside. Love this man and see him change.


NB: Young men, you see why you have to be prepared before you get married. Just because the land is in her name you can imagine the stunts she's pulling. Always pay your bills. I know sometimes it's not easy but try and pay ALL your bills. This will save you a lot of respect. I'm very sure this woman does not respect her husband again for this 1 year.

forgive n forget..... or risk the opportunity of having rival

KingSango:


Nigeria has one of the highest HIV rates and not so good treatment. Cheating in these end times can be deadly. There are many orphans in Africa due Aids killing off both parents. Go see a good native doctor to see if your husband is worth your life and your 4 children. Ase Love Sango

Hollup you all, I ain't the op oo... What's with the mixup?
Abeg o

UBGG:
Well, if he's survived one year without making a fuss about it, he's either really happy he doesn't have to sleep with you no more or just a freaking sissy.

that's exactly who he is

Benita27:
On the grounds of infidelity, do you think he'd have custody of the kids?. BTW, I stated what I'd do if caught up in such a situation 'cause I wouldn't want to commit a grave sin.

Not infidelity. Even if you call all the federation of women lawyers. Unless the man does not know his way Sha.

What sin would you commit? I want to know.

Your health comes first
Life is per head and not shared
Hence i support what you did.
The way forward: just for your home, especially bcus of the kids "forgive but don't forget.

desreek9:
Please take time to read this, I really need your advice.

I am a working mother of four kids (2 sets of twins) been married since 2012; I and my husband communicate well, our sex life is great (we explore diff. styles) and I make sure everyone is contented and satisfied or so i thought.
How i found out he was cheating

I noticed I didn't see my period for two months which is weird, I checked if i was with child but it was negative, before then I noticed burning feeling when i pee and pains so i decided to see a doctor, that was how i received the greatest shock of my life. I was told i had STD, I was in shock, crying and shaking cos i know i got it from my husband, was told to do an HIV test.

After the longest wait of my life and vomiting due to anxiety and panic, it was negative. Three months later was still negative, I went home thinking of ways to kill my husband. Later that night i first asked him if he was cheating he blatantly denied but when i showed him the test result, he was dumbfounded and started begging, i asked him why with tears rolling down my eyes, he couldn't give any reason because he knows everything was great btw us, i told him we would never make love anymore that i can't risk my life because of sex, he was begging me saying he would change, i told him i can never trust him cos once a cheat, always a cheat.

My people, it's over a year and we've not had sex, he can't chase me away from the house because we both built it and the land is in my name, sometimes he comes home late but i really don't care since we have separate bedroom. He said he can't leave because he will have to tell his and my people but he doesn't want the embarrassment.

Apart from all these, every other aspect is great at home, so my question is this; is my decision too harsh or am i justified?

Op please forgive and move on. I. Know it is difficult to forget but to be safe please tell hubby to. Go for tests hiv, stds before you sleep with him.

Benita27:
Would you give her husband the same counsel if he was the one wearing the shoes here?. SMH.

stop this gender thingy and grow up. Blame laying doesn't solve a problem. The op messed, The husband messed up more!

Adaumunocha:
Hollup you all, I ain't the op oo... What's with the mixup?
Abeg o

I am agreeing with your advice which got to the root of the op issue.

You nailed it.

Thread closed!

Benita27:
I don't need to be married here to know my deal breaker. I'd tell my spouse the day I say "Yes, I'd marry you" that any day he finds out I'm cheating and I'm guilty of that charge to divorce and throw me out, while I file for divorce when I get a whip he's cheating. That's one thing I can never tolerate and would not. Marriage or not, kids or not. I can't be happy knowing my man is a dog.

how about slaps

Do it with your husband but use a condom!

The way they bash the woman make me laugh till I fall down from bed...


One guy said her tin will rust for Africa. Lol.

Chai the thing will close again likes Virgin own... One yr no be beans she must hv dido in her bedroom to service it n be screaming papa Ngozi... Oh oh oh silently u never can tell women of now a days.

Forgive n forget enjoy ur marriage together.

majekdom2:
that's exactly who he is

Lol.

I despise greatly, men who are...that.

Benita27:
Ma'am, you did the right thing. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise, I know the band that'd quickly type "Cheating is in our biology" when a man cheats but would advise a man whose wife cheated on to throw her out, would come here to fault you. Not realising we all have our deal breaker. Just what if you were given HIV?. Whether you sex-starve him or not, he'd still cheat...just as he won't say he has not had sex in the past one year. So he knows he can't let his family find out his escapades as a married man and he was busy cheating?.

My question is; how long would you both live the way you're presently?. Don't remain in any marriage you don't want to just because of what the society or family would say...don't let them hold you ransom...divorce if you want and remain if you could overlook his cheating. This situation isn't helping the both of you.

comma see advice that one women gives to another who has four kids,,, what is this generation turning into,, the men becoming irresponsible,, the women hmmmmm

Rokia2:
The fact that you opened this thread is enough to prove you are now sick of all this. You miss your husband and want the sex badly but pride and ego wouldn't let you put your guard down. But you just want strangers on the internet to tell you what you know you need to do. SMH

This is beyond childish. For a whole fu..c.king year you two have been living together fooling yourselves thinking you are fooling the world. Living in complete denial of the whole issue. What's the essence in staying together to be miserable? I guess some people just enjoy been depressed and miserable cause I see absolutely no logic in this whole thing.

You either forgive or divorce simple as that. Why do people live to please other people? Are people gonna die your death for you? Make a freaking decision and stop acting like kids. Instead of been embarrassed of what people will say, you guys should be embarrass of yourselves for letting your marriage deteriorate to this level.


What sort of a woman are you though? He cheated yes wrong but your job was to either forgive or leave. Why stay and make life miserable for him like this? You can sell the God damn house and everyone take their own share. But no the two of you decided to stay together just to live a terribly loveless and dysfunctional marriage. Teaching your children what exactly?

He didn't just cheat he gave her freaking STDs dats no joke tho I think she shud forgive bt it's not an easy step.
mhizesther

Desreek9. If this was a mere relationship I wud say take a walk bt this is a good marriage with beautiful kids and everything working fine except for this shocker. U stopping 2 hv sex was a good step bt u shud hv also spoken to him about correcting his sick behaviour and maybe getting couples counselling cos all u did was send him back to the dogs. He has a problem and needs help and guidance if he's willing and remorseful. Marriage Will only work cos we made the required effort to make it work and not by sitting back and watching things go worse

I’d advise you to ask him to use a condom when you guys make love . Or better still get a female condom which you have control over. your husband not only cheats he doesn’t practice safe sex when he cheats - a terrible combination ! Don’t listen to All these hypocrites who are trying to shame you into letting a man who s not scared of stds s back into your life .

frankkydee:











I hate when people are unreasonable and unrealistic,it burns my blood. So,our moral decadence has gotten to this level where everyone believes it's right for the husband to cheat and for the wife to just forgive. This generation has failed in marital issues already.

My friend its okay.
That's the hypocrisy of your fellow humans on display.
The egocentric half-witted men who thinks its their God given right to cheat would criticize her, that's normal.
Seeing a fellow woman criticise her fellow mate because of a decision like this is truly disappointing to say the least. Smh.

For those foaming from their holier than thou mouth about forgiveness, the thing i really don't understand about
this forgiveness nonsense you lot preach about is, why is it that people usually asks to be forgiven right after they get caught in the act? i mean it's rare to see people repent without being caught, confess and then ask for forgiveness.

If you want to be forgiven, why can't you just repent from your bad ways and then ask to be forgiven?
Look at them, shouting forgive him bla bla fucking bla when the fact remains if she never caught him, the bastard would probably never thought nor considered repenting from his cheating ways?

Humans and their dramas fascinates me.

Lexusgs430:


He is enjoying his sexual freedom....... Choose any lady he fancies and give them leg overs......

Lol.

RuggedArab:
Dear OP,

1. Your husband should not have cheated to let you know. That was disrespect.
2. Your husband should have protected himself first not to get STD from these useless girls that cannot take care of themselves.
3. Your husband is less than a Man to handle your excesses. Unless you are the bread winner maybe (The land is in your name; probably yOu bought with your money).

Now over to you:

1. You have unforgiven spirit. You don't easily let go which is bad for a woman to possess.
2. You cannot be in same roof and denial me my conjugal right for oNE year. Who does that. Everyman knows how to tame his wife.
3. Advice your husband to respect you and protect himself. Let the guilt punish him that's if he has conscience.
4. Even if you report him to the family it will end up against you. Don't try it.
5.finally Pray for this man if you love him than starving him with sex. The man is having it real good outside and he does not care. He even spends more outside than inside. Love this man and see him change.


NB: Young men, you see why you have to be prepared before you get married. Just because the land is in her name you can imagine the stunts she's pulling. Always pay your bills. I know sometimes it's not easy but try and pay ALL your bills. This will save you a lot of respect. I'm very sure this woman does not respect her husband again for this 1 year.

No common sense !

Benita27:
Ma'am, you did the right thing. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise, I know the band that'd quickly type "Cheating is in our biology" when a man cheats but would advise a man whose wife cheated on to throw her out, would come here to fault you. Not realising we all have our deal breaker. Just what if you were given HIV?. Whether you sex-starve him or not, he'd still cheat...just as he won't say he has not had sex in the past one year. So he knows he can't let his family find out his escapades as a married man and he was busy cheating?.

My question is; how long would you both live the way you're presently?. Don't remain in any marriage you don't want to just because of what the society or family would say...don't let them hold you ransom...divorce if you want and remain if you could overlook his cheating. This situation isn't helping the both of you.

will u keep kwayet...make person borrow me patience picture abeg..no patience no forgiveness dis days in marriage dats y it breaks down so easily.....i wonder wat wud have become of my family if my mum had left my dad cuz he cheated den...i cnt even imagine...but right now they ar both happy d cheating thing dey joke abt it nw sef...they have moved on and burried it...trust me da doesnt mean he wud always cheat, a man can change...u were too harsh.....u have pushed him farther away from you for the past year...u have tormented him so much...i tink its time u totally forgive him and move on

desreek9:
Please take time to read this, I really need your advice.

I am a working mother of four kids (2 sets of twins) been married since 2012; I and my husband communicate well, our sex life is great (we explore diff. styles) and I make sure everyone is contented and satisfied or so i thought.
How i found out he was cheating

I noticed I didn't see my period for two months which is weird, I checked if i was with child but it was negative, before then I noticed burning feeling when i pee and pains [b]so i decided to see a doctor, that was how i received the greatest shock of my life. [/b]I was told i had STD, I was in shock, crying and shaking cos i know i got it from my husband, was told to do an HIV test.

After the longest wait of my life and vomiting due to anxiety and panic, it was negative. Three months later was still negative, I went home thinking of ways to kill my husband. Later that night i first asked him if he was cheating he blatantly denied but when i showed him the test result, he was dumbfounded and started begging, i asked him why with tears rolling down my eyes, he couldn't give any reason because he knows everything was great btw us, i told him we would never make love anymore that i can't risk my life because of sex, he was begging me saying he would change, i told him i can never trust him cos once a cheat, always a cheat.

My people, it's over a year and we've not had sex[b], he can't chase me away from the house because we both built it and the land is in my name, sometimes he comes home late but i really don't care since we have separate bedroom. He said he can't leave because he will have to tell his and my [/b]people but he doesn't want the embarrassment.

Apart from all these, every other aspect is great at home, so my question is this; is my decision too harsh or am i justified?

@ first bolded, prepare for more shocks . @ second bolded, you have a silly mentality that you are in control because a property is in your name, you care, you lost your man already.@ last bolded, nothing is Ok. You have lost your man. You can't be sure about his plans. You are being delusional here. You have let your abilities and financial worth tamper with your sense of judgements. If you think you can d without him, I ll advice a divorce if not expect shockers. It's weird for a sexually active man no matter the physical shape or looks of the woman not to be interested in his wife for over a year. I am not sure you still love him. Your marriage is quite young

UBGG:


Lol.

The beauty of been married and single, at the same time......

EVILFOREST:

U ran a test and SOMEONE told you STD, and the next thing you thought was how to get your husband Killed.

..and you think every burning Sensation you feel when you wee is associated with STD...
When I hear of what LADIES nurse in their mind, I weep.

What's wrong with you ladies especially when it comes to DOCILITY, GULLIBILITY and Jumping into conclusion...?
Please, there are several Micro organisms that can cause such symptoms when they inhabit the vaginal mileu.....although they are never categorized under STD.
Have you verified your HYGIENE....??
How has it been over time...??
Do you wear Nylon pants or undies....??
I have come across so many Ladies who don't really know how to wipe after urinating...??

But her husband admitted to the cheating. STD or bot he cheated . . . So what's your point?

Rokia2:
The fact that you opened this thread is enough to prove you are now sick of all this. You miss your husband and want the sex badly but pride and ego wouldn't let you put your guard down. But you just want strangers on the internet to tell you what you know you need to do. SMH

This is beyond childish. For a whole fu..c.king year you two have been living together fooling yourselves thinking you are fooling the world. Living in complete denial of the whole issue. What's the essence in staying together to be miserable? I guess some people just enjoy been depressed and miserable cause I see absolutely no logic in this whole thing.

You either forgive or divorce simple as that. Why do people live to please other people? Are people gonna die your death for you? Make a freaking decision and stop acting like kids. Instead of been embarrassed of what people will say, you guys should be embarrass of yourselves for letting your marriage deteriorate to this level.


What sort of a woman are you though? He cheated yes wrong but your job was to either forgive or leave. Why stay and make life miserable for him like this? You can sell the God damn house and everyone take their own share. But no the two of you decided to stay together just to live a terribly loveless and dysfunctional marriage. Teaching your children what exactly?

Rokia2 Rokia2 Rokia2!! I dey hail u o even in the middle of the night. This comment is arguably one of the best on nairaland in recent times. I don't have any other thing to say to you OP, just read this Rokia2's comment tediously and do the needful.

Pataricatering:
I’d advise you to ask him to use a condom when you guys make love . Or better still get a female condom which you have control over. your husband not only cheats he doesn’t practice safe sex when he cheats - a terrible combination ! Don’t listen to All these hypocrites who are trying to shame you into letting a man who s not scared of stds s back into your life .

The moment married couples always use condoms, they are better off divorced........
What is the pleasure of sex, if you cannot safely dive in raw?

I think people are missing the point here. . . . It's not just about the cheating, it's the gross betrayal! They had a great relationship and exciting sex life and yet the man still decided to cheat. Not just cheat, cheat without protection!

What kind of sick, weak and irresponsible man does that

If he's running around doing women without protection, who knows how many ladies he would have impregnated by now. Oh and HIV is definitely looming him his near future. But I guess all that doesn't matter, she has the glorified position of a wife and should not dare raise any objections to his wayward lifestyle.

Forget the physical and emotional trauma she had to go through a year ago.

I personally think OP is doing the right thing. Does it ever occur to you guys that this is exactly what she wants? Who says she has to get a divorce? They have a cordial relationship so why ruin that. Let him continue with his cheating ways while she preserves her own life and health. . . It's a win win for everyone.

If it were me, I'd do exactly the same thing. And I'll also cheat. I'll find someone he knows and sleep with him just for the fun of it. No need to be celibate for life just because of a man who is out there having fun.

I have taken time t go through the antecedent posts from other Nairalander and one thing i must tell you is.....That you have your whole life to live and you also know the best thing for yourself. Follow your heart and never allow misguided Nairalanders to misguid you.


Majority of the people telling you to divorce your husband have little or nothing vital to tell about a successful marriage. Their situation and your own may not be the same. You know yourself more than anyone else and the things you can do.

Go ahead and do it but make sure it's something that will help, uphold and sustain your marriage.



I always feel very weak when I see posts like this and it makes me dread marriage and all the huddles it comes with.

UjuJoan2:
I think people are missing the point here. . . . It's not just about the cheating, it's the gross betrayal! They had a great relationship and exciting sex life and yet the man still decided to cheat. Not just cheat, cheat without protection!

What kind of sick, weak and irresponsible man does that

If he's running around doing women without protection, who knows how many ladies he would have impregnated by now. Oh and HIV is definitely looming him his near future. But I guess all that doesn't matter, she has the glorified position of a wife and should not dare raise any objections to his wayward lifestyle.

Forget the physical and emotional trauma she had to go through a year ago.

I personally think OP is doing the right thing. Does it ever occur to you guys that this is exactly what she wants? Who says she has to get a divorce? They have a cordial relationship so why ruin that. Let him continue with his cheating ways while she preserves her own life and health. . . It's a win win for everyone.

If it were me, I'd do exactly the same thing. And I'll also cheat. I'll find someone he knows and sleep with him just for the fun of it. No need to be celibate for life just because of a man who is out there having fun.

You were making a lot of sense not until when I read close to the last paragraph where you finally messed up your opinions.


Look,the best thing to do in this kind of situation is to get a counselor, either a family or marriage counselor to counsel them....For Christ sake, how long would this last??

Jman06:
Exactly !
Ladies should stop acting as if the responsility of keeping the mariage is theirs alone. This is what gives irresponsible men the guts to cheat.

I just want to quote this comment, in case anyone doesn't see it

That's just what they do, the man can cheat, but the woman should take all steps to keep the marriage, she has to build her home, she shouldn't let the marriage scatter, she should make sure they shouldn't head for divorce, after all, they have kids, as if the cheating man didn't destroy it himself, as if the cheating man didn't know there were kids before he decided to cheat. I don't know why they make marriage do or die Here, especially for women.


I don't know for op but if I was in the op's shoes, I will be gone, it's bad enough, too bad to cheat, but to cheat so recklessly, not giving a damn about his wife, going raw, infecting his wife and not giving a fuçk at all, he must have known at a point that he had an std, but he didn't say a single thing, continued sleeping around and coming back to sleep with the wife, she had to find out from the doctor, it just doesn't seem like her husband gives a Bleep. It's too bad.


If she doesn't want to leave. The best thing to do is what she is doing right now, at least she can say that she has slept well for the past one year not bothering about STDs or even HIV from her husband. If she was sleeping with him I wonder if she would have that peace of mind.


Wish the op good luck in whatever she wants to do concerning this marriage. She is wearing the shoe, she knows where it's pinching her, let her do what she considers best for her (this is the most important part). I wish her well.

Rokia2:
The fact that you opened this thread is enough to prove you are now sick of all this. You miss your husband and want the sex badly but pride and ego wouldn't let you put your guard down. But you just want strangers on the internet to tell you what you know you need to do. SMH

This is beyond childish. For a whole fu..c.king year you two have been living together fooling yourselves thinking you are fooling the world. Living in complete denial of the whole issue. What's the essence in staying together to be miserable? I guess some people just enjoy been depressed and miserable cause I see absolutely no logic in this whole thing.

You either forgive or divorce simple as that. Why do people live to please other people? Are people gonna die your death for you? Make a freaking decision and stop acting like kids. Instead of been embarrassed of what people will say, you guys should be embarrass of yourselves for letting your marriage deteriorate to this level.


What sort of a woman are you though? He cheated yes wrong but your job was to either forgive or leave. Why stay and make life miserable for him like this? You can sell the God damn house and everyone take their own share. But no the two of you decided to stay together just to live a terribly loveless and dysfunctional marriage. Teaching your children what exactly?

I beg to differ. . . There's no law that says she has to leave. If this is how she decides to live, then it's right by her own standards. I mean who says she has to forgive or leave? You? Society?

Who says the marriage is dysfunctional? You? Society?

I don't much see how the children are being affected here? At least they parents are cordial and living together, which is more than I can say for couples who actually have sex!

Here you are, forcing her to do what you want. . . What you think she should do without consideration for how she feels and what she wants. Isn't the whole point of this? for her to to what she wants and not what people expect of her?

I do not think she should live her life because of what people think or what is expected of her. If the husband wants a divorce let him go ahead and get one. . . . For now she if wants to stay in the house they both own it's entirely her decision to make and I don't think it's right to judge her for it!

Rokia2:
The fact that you opened this thread is enough to prove you are now sick of all this. You miss your husband and want the sex badly but pride and ego wouldn't let you put your guard down. But you just want strangers on the internet to tell you what you know you need to do. SMH

This is beyond childish. For a whole fu..c.king year you two have been living together fooling yourselves thinking you are fooling the world. Living in complete denial of the whole issue. What's the essence in staying together to be miserable? I guess some people just enjoy been depressed and miserable cause I see absolutely no logic in this whole thing.

You either forgive or divorce simple as that. Why do people live to please other people? Are people gonna die your death for you? Make a freaking decision and stop acting like kids. Instead of been embarrassed of what people will say, you guys should be embarrass of yourselves for letting your marriage deteriorate to this level.


What sort of a woman are you though? He cheated yes wrong but your job was to either forgive or leave. Why stay and make life miserable for him like this? You can sell the God damn house and everyone take their own share. But no the two of you decided to stay together just to live a terribly loveless and dysfunctional marriage. Teaching your children what exactly?

Thank u, for this.


A lot of pple be shifting blame! U cant trust him, yet cant leave! And, d fvcktard sef, cant pay d price, yet can do d crime? Oshikoshi!