MumJJJ:

I have a sister in-law (my BIL's wife) whose baby refused to suck from her breasts. she did everything possible yet no positive result. she resorted to pumping and feeding. her baby girl is almost two now and she is expecting.
She should just ignore her in-laws. They can never love that baby more than her and they don't know what she's going through because of this.

thanks ma'am

enque:


no worry, I go soon apply for Abuja Distributorship for baby hugg...
shey una go patronise me?

Epp me apply too you hear. Make we do the business together

jazzyjazz:


Epp me apply too you hear. Make we do the business together

We will chat on the other side...
R u serious abt it?

enque:


We will chat on the other side...
R u serious abt it?

Make we chat

hunniesuzie:
The next immunization day. So if it's the day after the photoshoot it's fine, no matter how bad immunization fever is, in 24 hours it should be gone

Helium balloons, banner, cake if you have one. There's a PH mama that sells birthday props. Feddy27? Can't remember
musical chair they turn chair facing different directions and the kids dance around till the music stops. You can google parlor party ideas for kids for more inspiration

Thanks for your help dear.

helovesme:


I have many questions to ask before I can give my opinion.

@ bolded. . . why should it be your mum and family to decide that you should walk out of your marriage and move on? are they the decision makers in your life/marriage?

what has triggered the constant insults on your mum? what led to your husband keeping malice with your mum?

does your mum and family interfere with your marriage? does she come to your home often?

I feel this family interference is the crux of the issue in your marriage. once there is undue third party interference either from the husband's or wife's family, that marriage can't be a happy one.

your husband probably feels you update your mum and family on every single thing that happens in your home and your mum is the one 'teaching' you wha
t to do, hence the reason he has so much resentment against her.

that said, are you still facing domestic husband from your husband? do you know how much he earns monthly? does he take financial responsibility for some household bills (e.g. feeding) or he does absolutely nothing at all? do you attend the same church?

God bless u for ur response

firstly he is not familiar with my family coz he blieves he has no business with them except me ( am ibo nd he is yoruba,he hasnt married me rightly coupled with previous domestic abuse.


secondly my husband isolates everyone from me nd then starts to emotionally and verbally abuse me nd he puts me in a situation whereby i cant tell anyone what an going tru(i live in constant fear). after d first domestic abuse my mun nd evryone else had put an eye on him.

my mum paid for my CS delivery recently when hubby said he dosnt av mony nd was blaming me for not delivering my baby normally when i know d situation of tins. i ran away from addmission for two weeks before labour took anoda turn nd had to b admitted on emergency. my mum was d only saving hope if not i would av died coz he kept saying no mony nd his family didnt help out either. my sis bought d hospital tins nd baby items, i paid for most of my appointments.

he just got a job of 40k and has only bought one formula nd pampers.no feeding or transport.he says he dosnt av any mony to give me. i feed myself nd kids.

on the church issue we attend redeem but all of a sudden he changed to a CAC church.nd dats when his behavious changed. i like d prayerful routine of d church but d prophesy is wat he is after nd he uses it to victimize me into attending vigils,weekly programs and reival despite d stress of work,taking care of two kids,washing and other chores which leaves me exhausted. he got obsessed wit d church nd prophesies they give .



his family ar not even involved or showing concern.its like am on my own and he sees evryone as enemies even my mum.

i dont trust him since we reconciled. hes bin a liability
nd trouble maker.

secondly

hunniesuzie:
Realtalk19 my initial instinct was to wakapass but e no go good

I need you to clarify what kind of advice you are looking for? I can deduce 2 things from your post:

1. You want to leave and you need advice on how to do it
2. You need to know whether to stay or go

Please state which one is accurate so mamas wey sabi go fit put mouth

tanks i dnt feel happy most especially living wit a man who insults my family and dosnt perform his responsibility on us hereby living me drained.

am tired of d marriage already.his family supports his behaviours and dnt even cal or ask me anytin. since he is not doing anytin for us so why become a burden and pain.

my mistake was from d beginning which was getting pregnant nd choosing not to abort due to complications nd even after d seperation for two years i stil foolishly forgave him.
it is well o


i just nid someone to talk to

realtalk19:


God bless u for ur response

firstly he is not familiar with my family coz he blieves he has no business with them except me ( am ibo nd he is yoruba,he hasnt married me rightly coupled with previous domestic abuse.

secondly my husband isolates everyone from me nd then starts to emotionally and verbally abuse me nd he puts me in a situation whereby i cant tell anyone what an going tru(i live in constant fear). after d first domestic abuse my mun nd evryone else had put an eye on him.

my mum paid for my CS delivery recently when hubby said he dosnt av mony nd was blaming me for not delivering my baby normally when i know d situation of tins. i ran away from addmission for two weeks before labour took anoda turn nd had to b admitted on emergency. my mum was d only saving hope if not i would av died coz he kept saying no mony nd his family didnt help out either. my sis bought d hospital tins nd baby items, i paid for most of my appointments.

he just got a job of 40k and has only bought one formula nd pampers.no feeding or transport.he says he dosnt av any mony to give me. i feed myself nd kids.

on the church issue we attend redeem but all of a sudden he changed to a CAC church.nd dats when his behavious changed. i like d prayerful routine of d church but d prophesy is wat he is after nd he uses it to victimize me into attending vigils,weekly programs and reival despite d stress of work,taking care of two kids,washing and other chores which leaves me exhausted. he got obsessed wit d church nd prophesies they give .

his family ar not even involved or showing concern.its like am on my own and he sees evryone as enemies even my mum.

i dont trust him since we reconciled. hes bin a liability
nd trouble maker.

secondly

Before I address the issues you’ve raised, can you please provide clarity on the bolded?

When you say he hasn’t married you rightly, is it that he hasn’t paid your bride price and concluded all customary rights ( or he has done some)? Are you married legally? That, is registry (court) wedding? Did you exchange wedding vows in a church ?

Or is it the case that you two started living together after you got pregnant for him and you are yet to formalise your relationship legally or in the church ?

helovesme:


Before I address the issues you’ve raised, can you please provide clarity on the bolded?

When you say he hasn’t married you rightly, is it that he hasn’t paid your bride price and concluded all customary rights ( or he has done some)? Are you married legally? That, is registry (court) wedding? Did you exchange wedding vows in a church ?

Or is it the case that you two started living together after you got pregnant for him and you are yet to formalise your relationship legally or in the church ?

we had only court wedding after i got pregnant in 2012

Ammy5565:


Thank you so much.
Is that a pack of crayons i see? Wats that pair of lemon green stuff at the middle pls?

yes pack of crayon. Its fruit eraser...

So Abuse cannot stop even after separation in marriage... Hmmmm iyam really learning a lot.

Instead of foolishly forgiving, moving on saves you a hell load of after stress.

God help you decide well Realtalk19.

,tnks!Kisses to lo too.

Arihodo:


u see what I mean. I get eye be DAT. kiss Jay for me o oo

Benignasweety:
So Abuse cannot stop even after separation in marriage... Hmmmm iyam really learning a lot.

Instead of foolishly forgiving, moving on saves you a hell load of after stress.

God help you decide well Realtalk19.

tanks maam

oamronnie:
I just use 1 scoop of formula because my son doesn't even like tasting milk in pap. Then I give him enough water to drink.

Wish Zizi is like your son
My son won't taste pap that is not creamy
I put 3scoops plus fisi
If not he dares not swallow the pap.
Now am left buying formula every 5days

@Realtalk, I think you should have a plan before you leave. The people who are egging you on to leave would be the first to throw it into your face. Be wise. There is no permanent friend or foe. Save as much as you can, have a getaway plan and have something to keep you going for at least one year after separation (a job or business). Nobody likes a liability.
Also report to his people severally so that when you eventually leave it won't be a matter of you never let them into the whole story.
Thirdly, speak to him when he is calm and try to make him understand how he is draining you emotionally and financially. It will help you gauge if he'll turn around or not.
If he doesn't seem to change, start making a plan for a separation or divorce. If you're going for divorce make sure you have all evidence at hand. Keep receipts of all the things you or your people buy. If he hits you, take a picture and save on your email and make a police report before telling your parents. If its verbal, try to make a record (please do not purposely goad him into losing his temper: fear God) .This is because he can decide to fight against the divorce and custody of your 2 kids so have evidence because the court is only interested in evidence laid down in front of them.

When all is said and done, remember that he earns 40k and it can never be enough,even 150k can never be enough. If he is like my husband that is a savings freak, he's probably hoarding the money somewhere so that he can invest it.( does he spend the money anyhow? Does he drink excessively, use hard drugs ,womanize or gamble?). The worst mistake you'll make is walk out on him a few years before his big break.
I don't support domestic violence of any kind but I know that some women are capable of tempting a saint to murder. Combine that to a broke man. Fire!
But if you have the money to take care of the family, then do so..they are your kids too and there's this thing in Islam that if you shenk your responsibilities and let your wife carry them,then be prepared to have your wife take all the blessings that is due to the breadwinner.

Does he still hit you? If yes then please walk away if you feel that's best for you.
If no, then he probably is restraining himself which says a lot for effort.


I agree with your mom that you should have all your kids from one man. That way if a break up happens you're free to go hustle for money rather than for dickkk. That one will be to just pass time and not for procreation. And if you meet someone who doesn't want kids anymore, you'll be game to remarry with no p. Besides there's a special kind of bond between full siblings and the one who isn't the full one will always feel like an outcast with his/her half siblings from both sides (neither here or there).


Remember too that patience is a virtue and God gave us sense and freewill so we could always determine our destiny.
Don't forget to pray. Very important. Pray to God to show you the way. And listen when He answers your prayers.





Above all, be strong.



Don't.mind my back and forths..I'm trying to gauge his own side of the story too.

Realtalk19. You are both legally married

It appears from all you’ve said that there’s a lot of resentment and anger from all the parties involved in your relationship.

Resentment and anger from yourself because your husband isn’t pulling his weight financially in addition to the previous domestic violence issue.

Resentment and anger from your husband because of his current financial status and the hurtful things you might have said to him.

Resentment and anger from your family because he hasn’t completed the traditional marriage rights and they also have to keep supporting your family financially.

Resentment and anger from both families over the fact that both of you chose not to marry from within your tribe.

I came across this perfect definition of resentment:

“Resentment, or the strong and painful bitterness you feel when someone does something wrong to you, doesn't have actual physical weight, but it feels very heavy and can last a long time. Forgiveness is one way to get rid of resentment.”

https://www.vocabulary.com/dictionary/resentment

You need to find it in your heart to forgive your husband and rid your heart of all bitterness. It is something that you have to consciously work on and specifically pray over. Ask God to rid your heart of all bitterness and anger towards your husband and restore love and peace.

All the anger and bitterness might actually be the reason why your prayers for financial breakthrough, etc remain unanswered. What’s the point of going to church, fasting, praying, etc when you harbour such bitterness towards each other?

I believe a part of him must really love you hence the reason he made all efforts to reconcile with you. He could have easily remarried or chosen to remain single. How has your behaviour been to him since you reconciled? Do you nag him, keep malice, ignore him, bring up old arguments, etc?

Some women are destined to be richer than their spouse. However, it’s how we react in that position of financial superiority that makes all the difference. Just because you are financially well off than him today doesn’t mean he won’t be richer than you few years from now. In the same light, God can also open doors for you to the extent that you will have more than enough to take care of your family including your husband without batting an eye.

Have you made any efforts in helping him with getting a well paid job? There’s no harm in helping him prepare his CV to a good standard, applying for jobs on his behalf and forwarding job adverts to him. Sometimes people need a little helping hand/push/support. You can actively play that role in your husband’s life without belittling him.

Personally, I feel communication is key in every relationship. You both need to sit down and talk about the present stage of your marriage , discuss your finances, open up to each other on areas you’ve offended each other, trash out any lingering issue and apologise to each other. You need to let go of anything that has been done and said in the past and not keep opening old and bitter wounds.

He is probably going to CAC because he feels he needs their firebrand type of prayers in his life and he wants you to partake in the prayers with him. See it as one of the sacrifices of marriage. Days you are extremely tired, just explain to him calmly and if he’s upset, hold your peace and let him go alone.

Do you ask him to help out with housework? Men tend to believe that we are superwomen and we know how to multitask. Don’t just assume that he should know you need help. Ask him politely and thank him afterwards.

I believe something must have triggered the insults he dishes out to your family. Whatever it is, apologise on their behalf. It seems you’ve really badmouthed him to your family and he has lost all respect with them. Stop reporting him to your family (except he hits you). Stop lamenting to them about your husband’s inadequacies. Think of ways to augument your income rather than running to your family all the time for financial support.

Is there any married elderly person (non family member) whom you both respect that you can open up to and can sit both of you down and act as a mentor/counsellor whilst you navigate this tough phase in your marriage?

I feel all options should be explored before talking about separation.

Finally, I hope you have no plans for more children . . . At least until your financial situation improves and there’s peace and harmony in your home.

Roseey0:


I had to google to confirm sef..

https://wholelifestylenutrition.com/health/is-soaking-grains-and-legumes-necessary-and-how-to-properly-soak-and-prepare-them/

If read down at the comments section, you will see where she replied that roasting also destroys the acid, thus doing the same work as soaking.

zaynie:
@Realtalk, I think you should have a plan before you leave. The people who are egging you on to leave would be the first to throw it into your face. Be wise. There is no permanent friend or foe. Save as much as you can, have a getaway plan and have something to keep you going for at least one year after separation (a job or business). Nobody likes a liability.
Also report to his people severally so that when you eventually leave it won't be a matter of you never let them into the whole story.
Thirdly, speak to him when he is calm and try to make him understand how he is draining you emotionally and financially. It will help you gauge if he'll turn around or not.
If he doesn't seem to change, start making a plan for a separation or divorce. If you're going for divorce make sure you have all evidence at hand. Keep receipts of all the things you or your people buy. If he hits you, take a picture and save on your email and make a police report before telling your parents. If its verbal, try to make a record (please do not purposely goad him into losing his temper: fear God) .This is because he can decide to fight against the divorce and custody of your 2 kids so have evidence because the court is only interested in evidence laid down in front of them.

When all is said and done, remember that he earns 40k and it can never be enough,even 150k can never be enough. If he is like my husband that is a savings freak, he's probably hoarding the money somewhere so that he can invest it.( does he spend the money anyhow? Does he drink excessively, use hard drugs ,womanize or gamble?). The worst mistake you'll make is walk out on him a few years before his big break.
I don't support domestic violence of any kind but I know that some women are capable of tempting a saint to murder. Combine that to a broke man. Fire!
But if you have the money to take care of the family, then do so..they are your kids too and there's this thing in Islam that if you shenk your responsibilities and let your wife carry them,then be prepared to have your wife take all the blessings that is due to the breadwinner.

Does he still hit you? If yes then please walk away if you feel that's best for you.
If no, then he probably is restraining himself which says a lot for effort.


I agree with your mom that you should have all your kids from one man. That way if a break up happens you're free to go hustle for money rather than for dickkk. That one will be to just pass time and not for procreation. And if you meet someone who doesn't want kids anymore, you'll be game to remarry with no p. Besides there's a special kind of bond between full siblings and the one who isn't the full one will always feel like an outcast with his/her half siblings from both sides (neither here or there).


Remember too that patience is a virtue and God gave us sense and freewill so we could always determine our destiny.
Don't forget to pray. Very important. Pray to God to show you the way. And listen when He answers your prayers.





Above all, be strong.



Don't.mind my back and forths..I'm trying to gauge his own side of the story too.

still waiting for your response Sis

Realtalk19,take care dear. just weigh your options, get a back up plan and then leave with your kids. please your life and sanity matters.

@Realtalk19
It is a difficult one to say go or stay and only you can ultimately make that decision. All we will give are different suggestions based on our own different perceptions.

However I am a firm believer that how one behaves when you have little is how one will behave when you have much..... whilst I agree that 40K is little especially when a family with any dependant children are involved. It is no excuse for nasty behaviour to one's spouse or children. If one cannot be gracious with a little, I am sorry, e no get as you wan argue am, that petson will NEVER be gracious with much. ....

What is your mum's interaction with him, as helovesme has said, if your family are constantly in his face with regards his lack of provision, sometimes it can make even a saint lash out. Though I am not excusing his actions, one needs to assess the situation with an objective mind.

Church itself is another matter... if you feel he is getting radicalized in one church,. You need to draw your own battle line spiritually as well, if you decide you want to remain in the marriage, then you have to be ready to defend your territory on all fronts. You can follow him to church no problem, you will just be praying about different things. you keep praying for your family, what you need is not financial breakthrough perse it's an attitude break through.

You feel unloved, if he treated you differently the financial burden will be easier to bear, when in a loving home, and when you feel the other party genuinely has your and the kids wellbeing at heart.

If you want to leave and you are presently the sole provider for you and the kids? Without any support from him. Take a walk now especially if abuse is still on going? Whether physical, verbal or emotional.

All this being said, abeg go for the next fasting session and ask God to grant you clear direction on which decision to make

Wish you all the best.

Haba this woman what wisdom is this. Love u loads.

zaynie:
@Realtalk, I think you should have a plan before you leave. The people who are egging you on to leave would be the first to throw it into your face. Be wise. There is no permanent friend or foe. Save as much as you can, have a getaway plan and have something to keep you going for at least one year after separation (a job or business). Nobody likes a liability.
Also report to his people severally so that when you eventually leave it won't be a matter of you never let them into the whole story.
Thirdly, speak to him when he is calm and try to make him understand how he is draining you emotionally and financially. It will help you gauge if he'll turn around or not.
If he doesn't seem to change, start making a plan for a separation or divorce. If you're going for divorce make sure you have all evidence at hand. Keep receipts of all the things you or your people buy. If he hits you, take a picture and save on your email and make a police report before telling your parents. If its verbal, try to make a record (please do not purposely goad him into losing his temper: fear God) .This is because he can decide to fight against the divorce and custody of your 2 kids so have evidence because the court is only interested in evidence laid down in front of them.

When all is said and done, remember that he earns 40k and it can never be enough,even 150k can never be enough. If he is like my husband that is a savings freak, he's probably hoarding the money somewhere so that he can invest it.( does he spend the money anyhow? Does he drink excessively, use hard drugs ,womanize or gamble?). The worst mistake you'll make is walk out on him a few years before his big break.
I don't support domestic violence of any kind but I know that some women are capable of tempting a saint to murder. Combine that to a broke man. Fire!
But if you have the money to take care of the family, then do so..they are your kids too and there's this thing in Islam that if you shenk your responsibilities and let your wife carry them,then be prepared to have your wife take all the blessings that is due to the breadwinner.

Does he still hit you? If yes then please walk away if you feel that's best for you.
If no, then he probably is restraining himself which says a lot for effort.


I agree with your mom that you should have all your kids from one man. That way if a break up happens you're free to go hustle for money rather than for dickkk. That one will be to just pass time and not for procreation. And if you meet someone who doesn't want kids anymore, you'll be game to remarry with no p. Besides there's a special kind of bond between full siblings and the one who isn't the full one will always feel like an outcast with his/her half siblings from both sides (neither here or there).


Remember too that patience is a virtue and God gave us sense and freewill so we could always determine our destiny.
Don't forget to pray. Very important. Pray to God to show you the way. And listen when He answers your prayers.





Above all, be strong.



Don't.mind my back and forths..I'm trying to gauge his own side of the story too.

zaynie:
@Realtalk, I think you should have a plan before you leave. The people who are egging you on to leave would be the first to throw it into your face. Be wise. There is no permanent friend or foe. Save as much as you can, have a getaway plan and have something to keep you going for at least one year after separation (a job or business). Nobody likes a liability.
Also report to his people severally so that when you eventually leave it won't be a matter of you never let them into the whole story.
Thirdly, speak to him when he is calm and try to make him understand how he is draining you emotionally and financially. It will help you gauge if he'll turn around or not.
If he doesn't seem to change, start making a plan for a separation or divorce. If you're going for divorce make sure you have all evidence at hand. Keep receipts of all the things you or your people buy. If he hits you, take a picture and save on your email and make a police report before telling your parents. If its verbal, try to make a record (please do not purposely goad him into losing his temper: fear God) .This is because he can decide to fight against the divorce and custody of your 2 kids so have evidence because the court is only interested in evidence laid down in front of them.

When all is said and done, remember that he earns 40k and it can never be enough,even 150k can never be enough. If he is like my husband that is a savings freak, he's probably hoarding the money somewhere so that he can invest it.( does he spend the money anyhow? Does he drink excessively, use hard drugs ,womanize or gamble?). The worst mistake you'll make is walk out on him a few years before his big break.
I don't support domestic violence of any kind but I know that some women are capable of tempting a saint to murder. Combine that to a broke man. Fire!
But if you have the money to take care of the family, then do so..they are your kids too and there's this thing in Islam that if you shenk your responsibilities and let your wife carry them,then be prepared to have your wife take all the blessings that is due to the breadwinner.

Does he still hit you? If yes then please walk away if you feel that's best for you.
If no, then he probably is restraining himself which says a lot for effort.


I agree with your mom that you should have all your kids from one man. That way if a break up happens you're free to go hustle for money rather than for dickkk. That one will be to just pass time and not for procreation. And if you meet someone who doesn't want kids anymore, you'll be game to remarry with no p. Besides there's a special kind of bond between full siblings and the one who isn't the full one will always feel like an outcast with his/her half siblings from both sides (neither here or there).


Remember too that patience is a virtue and God gave us sense and freewill so we could always determine our destiny.
Don't forget to pray. Very important. Pray to God to show you the way. And listen when He answers your prayers.





Above all, be strong.



Don't.mind my back and forths..I'm trying to gauge his own side of the story too.

I so Love you zaynie... no one else could have said it better...

MumJJJ:

still waiting for your response Sis

Ha! Yes ma.
Runs to the other thread.

Someone help me here oooooh
I'm married to a Yoruba man and I don't know any Yoruba names exp his name and his brother's names.

I want to name the kid myself
I want to choose the name myself

MumJJJ:

If read down at the comments section, you will see where she replied that roasting also destroys the acid, thus doing the same work as soaking.

Just saw it.
I guess the soaking applies to the wet method.

Cynate:
Someone help me here oooooh
I'm married to a Yoruba man and I don't know any Yoruba names exp his name and his brother's names.

I want to name the kid myself
I want to choose the name myself

What's the baby's gender?

AlphaHandMaiden:
@Realtalk19
It is a difficult one to say go or stay and only you can ultimately make that decision. All we will give are different suggestions based on our own different perceptions.

However I am a firm believer that how one behaves when you have little is how one will behave when you have much..... whilst I agree that 40K is little especially when a family with any dependant children are involved. It is no excuse for nasty behaviour to one's spouse or children. If one cannot be gracious with a little, I am sorry, e no get as you wan argue am, that petson will NEVER be gracious with much. ....

What is your mum's interaction with him, as helovesme has said, if your family are constantly in his face with regards his lack of provision, sometimes it can make even a saint lash out. Though I am not excusing his actions, one needs to assess the situation with an objective mind.

Church itself is another matter... if you feel he is getting radicalized in one church,. You need to draw your own battle line spiritually as well, if you decide you want to remain in the marriage, then you have to be ready to defend your territory on all fronts. You can follow him to church no problem, you will just be praying about different things. you keep praying for your family, what you need is not financial breakthrough perse it's an attitude break through.

You feel unloved, if he treated you differently the financial burden will be easier to bear, when in a loving home, and when you feel the other party genuinely has your and the kids wellbeing at heart.

If you want to leave and you are presently the sole provider for you and the kids? Without any support from him. Take a walk now especially if abuse is still on going? Whether physical, verbal or emotional.

All this being said, abeg go for the next fasting session and ask God to grant you clear direction on which decision to make

Wish you all the best.

well said maam.God bless u

Hi everyone, how are u and ur kids doing.... Thanks for keeping this thread going, my absence here is because things have been very "Smooth" for me for the past 3yrs, I know some people will remember me........ Pls keep the thread Going.... God bless u all. From the Father of all Nation

helovesme:
Realtalk19. You are both legally married

It appears from all you’ve said that there’s a lot of resentment and anger from all the parties involved in your relationship.

Resentment and anger from yourself because your husband isn’t pulling his weight financially in addition to the previous domestic violence issue.

Resentment and anger from your husband because of his current financial status and the hurtful things you might have said to him.

Resentment and anger from your family because he hasn’t completed the traditional marriage rights and they also have to keep supporting your family financially.

Resentment and anger from both families over the fact that both of you chose not to marry from within your tribe.

I came across this perfect definition of resentment:

“Resentment, or the strong and painful bitterness you feel when someone does something wrong to you, doesn't have actual physical weight, but it feels very heavy and can last a long time. Forgiveness is one way to get rid of resentment.”

https://www.vocabulary.com/dictionary/resentment

You need to find it in your heart to forgive your husband and rid your heart of all bitterness. It is something that you have to consciously work on and specifically pray over. Ask God to rid your heart of all bitterness and anger towards your husband and restore love and peace.

All the anger and bitterness might actually be the reason why your prayers for financial breakthrough, etc remain unanswered. What’s the point of going to church, fasting, praying, etc when you harbour such bitterness towards each other?

I believe a part of him must really love you hence the reason he made all efforts to reconcile with you. He could have easily remarried or chosen to remain single. How has your behaviour been to him since you reconciled? Do you nag him, keep malice, ignore him, bring up old arguments, etc?

Some women are destined to be richer than their spouse. However, it’s how we react in that position of financial superiority that makes all the difference. Just because you are financially well off than him today doesn’t mean he won’t be richer than you few years from now. In the same light, God can also open doors for you to the extent that you will have more than enough to take care of your family including your husband without batting an eye.

Have you made any efforts in helping him with getting a well paid job? There’s no harm in helping him prepare his CV to a good standard, applying for jobs on his behalf and forwarding job adverts to him. Sometimes people need a little helping hand/push/support. You can actively play that role in your husband’s life without belittling him.

Personally, I feel communication is key in every relationship. You both need to sit down and talk about the present stage of your marriage , discuss your finances, open up to each other on areas you’ve offended each other, trash out any lingering issue and apologise to each other. You need to let go of anything that has been done and said in the past and not keep opening old and bitter wounds.

He is probably going to CAC because he feels he needs their firebrand type of prayers in his life and he wants you to partake in the prayers with him. See it as one of the sacrifices of marriage. Days you are extremely tired, just explain to him calmly and if he’s upset, hold your peace and let him go alone.

Do you ask him to help out with housework? Men tend to believe that we are superwomen and we know how to multitask. Don’t just assume that he should know you need help. Ask him politely and thank him afterwards.

I believe something must have triggered the insults he dishes out to your family. Whatever it is, apologise on their behalf. It seems you’ve really badmouthed him to your family and he has lost all respect with them. Stop reporting him to your family (except he hits you). Stop lamenting to them about your husband’s inadequacies. Think of ways to augument your income rather than running to your family all the time for financial support.

Is there any married elderly person (non family member) whom you both respect that you can open up to and can sit both of you down and act as a mentor/counsellor whilst you navigate this tough phase in your marriage?
r who ha
I feel all options should be explored before talking about separation.

Finally, I hope you have no plans for more children . . . At least until your financial situation impreven when he has the moneyoves and there’s peace and harmony in your home.

tanks so much. my hubby listens to no one not even his pastor who has tried talking to him. as per job, i av applied for him but hes selective.

its no big deal to assist my hubby but it has made him relaxed and feel i wil always handle responsibility even if he tell me he dosnt av when am sure he has.

i attend the church for peace sake and regardless prayers is not too much


modified.........

av eventually moved on wit my kids. long story.

i just settled down afta d whole drama. am starting my life afresh as a single mum. God is my strength.


tanks.
miss yu all

ayobarmy:
Hi everyone, how are u and ur kids doing.... Thanks for keeping this thread going, my absence here is because things have been very "Smooth" for me for the past 3yrs, I know some people will remember me........ Pls keep the thread Going.... God bless u all. From the Father of all Nation

Yes oh,"starter" of this thread! Good to read from you.

Me been think say u don forget "your work" ni.

It is well sir.

perfectcrown:


Yes oh,"starter" of this thread! Good to read from you.

Me been think say u don forget "your work" ni.

It is well sir.

Forget ke? oti oooo, Na condition make crayfish bend, After I was sent back to the labour market few years back..... It's been very challenging I must say...