₦airaland Forum

Good day (whatever time of the day you might be viewing this). I decided to give story writing a shot recently and came up with this. Would love to get your honest opinions. Hope you enjoy.


“So what are you going to do now?” Those were Dafe's words to me. I was distraught, hating myself so much.
“I don't have an idea myself, I should go to see her first.” I paused, “I loathe myself right now, I should have been there for her”.
“Hating yourself isn't the required solution right now, you should go see her. I'm coming along, no two ways about it”, he said before I could decline. I grabbed the car and house keys, handing the car's over to him. My mind was in no state to drive, my thoughts were all ajog, i was finding it difficult focusing. We departed the house, the ride was not a really long one but it felt like forever in my crowded mind. We pulled over at Harmony Hospital. Dafe requested I be strong as we got down from the car.
Getting into the hospital, we found our way to the emergency ward. There she was, I could hardly recognize her.
She is Juliana, fondly called Julz. Julz is my younger and only sister, we share three older brothers. Julz and I are very close despite our varying gender and the 5 year gap between us. I've loved Julz since ages past and have always been protective of her.

“Julz, my God!! I'm so sorry, I really am”, I said upon reaching her bedside, fighting back tears, trying to be strong for her sake. She looked horrible, her olive skin, now plastered up, had been bruised on the temple and cheeks. Her left arm was in a sling and her left leg banded up. She was involved in an accident. She asked my help earlier but I didn't heed.

nice

Not done yet

FreshBoss007:
nice

thanks

The day before;
“Jo, I'm going to Bonny clinic tomorrow, quite early in the morning actually. I am wondering if you could take me?”, she asked.
“Ehm... How early?”
“Six, six-thirty, thereabout. So I can beat the crowd and get back in good time”
“That's rather early for me, really. You know I just got my work leave today, I'm looking forward to resting well tomorrow being the first day of the leave. I doubt I'd be able to accompany you, I need rest.”
“Oh!! Na wa ooo. You can't even help a sister. I would just have to wait till it's brighter and get a number far beyond 50 when I get there”
“Don't make me feel bad Julz, I've explained it to you already. I can't help you tomorrow, if it was another day, you know I would have”
“Hmm! OK, I'd go myself then, thanks anyways”, she had a slight frown.
“Don't frown at me now, I could come get you if that would make you happy.”
“I'm not frowning, if you can make it, I won't mind”
“Okay, just call me when you are done, I'd be there.”
“Good night Jo”
“Good night Julz, let me know before you leave tomorrow,” I responded. “Alternatively, have this for T-fare. Don't bother about me tomorrow, just lock me in. Alright?”, i said as an afterthought, handing her the money.
“Okay, thanks.” She departed. Julz and I live together, she still studies whilst I've been working for a while. My home is closer to her school hence, her living with me.

This does not look like a flash fiction.

Akposb:
This does not look like a flash fiction.

In that case, short story. I think it's the dialogue that's making it look longish.
Short story it is. Thanks for the correction

Cont'd

She left home that fateful morning, I woke about 8, she had left already. I messaged her, she said she got there a while back and got 67 as she had predicted the other night. I had breakfast, freshened up and caught up on my series, I was on leave. Dafe rang me at about nine-thirthy saying he was stopping by as he was in the neighborhood. I accepted the offer forgetting for a bit my offer to Julz the other night. Besides, I had not seen Dafe in months. Dafe is one of my close friends, we've known each other since late secondary school days but we have been seeing each other less lately.
Dafe rapped at my door 10 minutes after his call. We exchanged pleasantries and started catching up on our lives almost immediately. I offered him a drink, we were still gisting when the call came in. That was the second try. I excused myself. It was 10:20
“Good morning, am I speaking to a Mr Jo?”, the voice said.
“Yes, it's Jo Odion on the line, who am I speaking with please?”
“Okay, do you know a Juliana Odion, 20 year old?”

“Yes, I do. I'm her brother. Who's asking?”
"Alright, I'm Mr Abisoye, an emergency response official. Your sister was involved in a road accident a while back, she has been rushed to the hospital already. It was not that fatal an accident but she's definitely hurt, not sure to what degree. I was checking her phone for numbers she contacted recently, yours was one hence the reason for my call.” he broke the news. I could hardly find words, my thoughts were running wild. Why didn't she call me to get her again, is she still alive, hope she's not badly hurt? These and many more questions were racing for the finish line in my head.
“My gosh!! Where is she now?”, I managed to say. Dafe widened his eyes.
“Harmony hospital, around Marina. Do you know the place?”
“Harmony, harmony... I think I do, thank you so much. I'd be on my way now. Thanks again”, I feigned strength.
“No worries Mr Odion, I'm just doing my job. I hope she gets well soon. Do take it easy”
“I will, thank you”, I assured not just him but myself. I disconnected the line. Dafe quizzed me about the call as I tried gathering my thoughts, they were not coming together. I gave him a lowdown of everything. After the call, I discovered Julz had tried getting across to me earlier. I was too busy with Dafe to notice, my phone was on silent as well. She tried four times at intervals.

More .... Compliments of the season.

“Jo, I'm glad you could make it.” she struggled to say.
“I'm so sorry, I didn't see you calls. My phone was silent. I'm really sorry, I should have accompanied you”, I couldn't help feeling bad. Dafe was waiting outside, he thought it wise I went in alone. “What happened?”
“I can't really remember much. I had alighted the bus, was contemplating getting some things at the market when a sand truck was coming at top speed. The last thing I remember is it running into a bike, I probably was hit and blacked out afterwards”
“I don't think I can apologize enough. Does it hurt real bad?”
“Yes, it hurts. The doctor administered some injections to relieve the pain. He said my arm's fractured minorly as well. It should heal in no time. The leg's just bruises and scratches, banded it so it doesn't get infected.” I was short of words, I was mad at myself for letting this befall her. “There's no need beating yourself up Jo, it's not your fault, just be glad I'm safe. Truthfully, the sand truck driver is to blame, only God knows where he was running to”, anger flashed in her eyes.
“I should have adjusted my schedule for you Julz. I'm still somehow responsible for this. If I had taken you there or picked your call, none of this would have happened”, I was sobbing now, shaking my head.
“Stop it Jo!!! It's no fault of yours, I'd be fine, trust me. I need to rest now. Please see the doctor regarding the bill and when I can leave. You know I'm no fan of hospitals”, she brushed my cheeks with the back of her palms, pulling a struggled smile.

“Ok, rest easy please. I'd go see the doctor now, I'd be back”. I detached myself from her bed, rejoining Dafe who inquired about her well being, I filled him in. I saw the doctor, settled the bills and returned to Julz's bed watching as she slept. I was later excused as it wasn't visiting time. I lingered in the hospital in Dafe's company, he later left while I stayed on.
I was allowed back in at about 3pm that afternoon, she was up and looked less stressed. We feasted on food I got from the hospital's canteen. She was soon chatting away like nothing had transpired though she was visibly in pain. “What a way to start my leave, I would always regret not accompanying her as she requested”, I thought to myself. She was to be discharged by the week's end latest.

The end.

Thoughts please, I'd appreciate the comments. Thanks