₦airaland Forum

MIKOLOWISKA:
don't worry your own broken marriage is loadIng
Shebi you say you don't have home training

HRHQueenPhil:
my darling, truth is , its not more for the husband, but for herself, getting back 2 shape builds confidence in a woman like u wont eva understand, go and ask khloe K, BELLA DISU ETC

MIKOLOWISKA:
nope. When a man is showing himself and you also cannot control yourself it's time to go before it escalates. Also the divorce will get her sound of flesh

Oyindidi:
Go away joor! Watin you sabi?

MIKOLOWISKA:
I be man. We're telling you. You're forming fish brain. Oya na continue until you're too old to get another husband or dead. Let's see whether the children and outsiders will survive or not. Keep suffering and smiling

Oyindidi:
You go wait in vain, see you wey get home training dey run mouth like veejay wey blood dey comot.

Oyindidi:
Watin come dey bring dead inside this talk?

MIKOLOWISKA:
me no de insult ppl until they display their lack of home training. Na even army I learn how to treat fuckup. So you better go put pad for your period wen de leak

MIKOLOWISKA:
Shebi you say make d woman stay dia while d man de maltreatment am

Oyindidi:
when I talk that one e be like you dey your period

MIKOLOWISKA:
which wan be dis ogbanje emoji
You beta talk your mind if under de scratch you make we for find mechanic to service am

Oyindidi:
Werey le leyi.

MIKOLOWISKA:
a a se Omo Ita (Tiwa n Tiwa) ni mo n ba soro

Oyindidi:
Sagamite, your service is needed here.

Go away!

ikpuru1234:
It’s obvious to me that my marriage has finally crashed down. I always have an argument with my husband almost every month. To think we have been married for 11 years its an understatement as my marriage keep getting worse each year. My husband has this mentality that his own idea or opinion on a subject it’s the best, therefore, anytime I have a different opinion he will shout and get us into quarrelling.
We have not quarreled since November, so two days ago we were just watching a movie and there was a scene where a church member was discussing her marital problem to the pastor without knowing that pastor and his wife are going through worse rough patches in their own marriage. I quickly stated this is why couples should try and settle their marital problems without a third party. I added this is what I was telling you when you told our friend about our problem. He didn’t even allow me to finish, he started yelling, shouting, calling me names like idiots, pussy, to the extent that he came back from inside the room and spat on me many times, that I had to spat back before he now left my personal space. I was shocked at how much he reacted. If I didn’t know him I would have thought he was under the influence of drug/alcohol. Our kids came out from the room and was shouting we should stop that spatting, screaming it was gross. They are just under 10 years.

The following day, I demanded his audience that I would like to discuss about what happened yesterday. He said he is not listening that I should go and learn about marriage. I told him that him spitting on me was demeaning, and I would not accept it, but he started shouting again and even spat on me 3 times again, saying I cannot do anything, that every time I keep reminding him something of the past. I now told him that our marriage is over. He said if you like pack your things and leave but I will not leave the house for you.

We recently moved to another country so I am not working, he is the only one working. I supported him and left my well paid job to migrate to a different country and this is what I got from him. I believe he did this because I don’t have any job or anywhere to run to in this new place. We have had our shares of arguments but spitting on me I take it as last straw. I would have left house but no place to go. I went to help Centre they said I could get support if I press charges as spitting is also an offence where we are. But I don’t really want to go that route.
I have gotten a part time job which I will resume hopefully end of the month. I have been thinking on two options now. To cut the story short.

Option 1: continue living with him until I get enough money in the next three months, rent a new house and vamoose with my children.
Option 2: live together as housemates, don’t get into much discussion with him, no sleeping together(to me this option is just because of what people, my family will say and kids).

My heart is yearning for option one because he has an anger problem, he has hit me before about 8 years ago, I called police, since then he doesn’t hit me but still comes close to me during arguments by shrugging or just giving me a push. I feel him spitting on me was another way of running away from hitting me. I dread hitting me would have been his option if we were living in Nigeria. Our kids are growing and watching him screaming on top of his voice, this scares my daughter from getting married as she has mentioned he doesn’t want to be screaming with his husband that she will not get married. I also have ended up learning some of his silly behavior just to show him how it feels such as screaming back, cutting phones as he does this all the time if he feels you have a different view, keeping malice for days. Usually I am not that person but I have tried to get him stop doing that all to no avail. Am tired. When my mum came around to our place, on different occasions he made her stay terrible with bad behavior of picking quarrel with me and keeping malice including at my mum. He watches pornography and blames me I don’t give him intimacy. Although I had a talk severally about the impact of that as our kids use his phones and laptop and may be exposed as sometimes he leaves the page on and sleeps off. I told him I will try and give it to him anytime he comes, but few months ago, I noticed he still goes there.
Obviously, we are both not happy in the relationship. He doesn’t show remorse and for the fact that I will be walking on egg shell all the time scares me. I feel like separating for a while will do us good, also we could get counselling and his management on anger if we decide to come back together. He can keep malice forever, always blaming me for all his problems. Very emotional and sensitive human being. I am tired of his immaturity and it seems the older he gets worse it becomes, he will be 45 soon. Any advice on what step to take is highly appreciated.

Oyindidi:
After you learn how to treat fuckup, them throw you out like dirty water. You dey push me but no more trolling.

Na you mouth dey leak, go pad am

TonyeBarcanista:
Lol see your head


As per the story, I think the OP need to do some introspection! She didn't state her own faults and I am sure the husband is not a mad man to be ranting all the time!


Abeg, marriage drama wahala...

munas:
The number one problem facing your marriage is PORNOGRAHY

Your hubby is addicted to porn and that takes his mind away from you.

He has no feelings for u all because porn have taking a greater part of him.

Another thing is this: His emotions is tied to porn and he is also having a spiritual wife who is
bent on seeing you leave your man so she will have him all to herself and ruin him finally.

Your hubby needs serious deliverance and understanding of how bad the porn addiction and masturbation is.

Unless he understands what porn is doing to him and his family and make serious efforts to stop it plus prayers,
there is no head way.

Roland17:
"That is why couples should not involve third parties" would have been sufficient enough from you. You did not have to go into extensive details. The fragile peace you and your family enjoyed for nearly 2 months was shattered by a mere movie. family and I hope you find some wisdom in my thoughts.

Oyindidi:
You are mouthed, the men do same when they create threads here.

Something happened yesterday and I almost create a thread here. I rather hug my pillow tight and slept off while bobo was nagging. Person wey dey sleep no dey quarrel.

Jman06:
I'm sure you saw all the signs of a bad spouse before marriage but you ignored them because of the frivolity called "love". You ladies make wrong choices of marriage partners for frivolous reasons. You reject a jewel and settle for a jerk and when the "love" clears from your eyes you start seeing all the faults! By that time you start disturbing our peace with your complaints.

Having highlighted the above, i'll advise you to try once more at settling whatever issue you have with your husband. If he will agree to see a counsellor with you, good and fine. But if after making all efforts things ain't getting better, please divorce him. So long as you have money to cater for your children, go ahead and divorce him. Children of divorced parents only suffer if there is no money to take care of their needs.
Everyone deserves a happy marriage so no one should settle for less.

ikpuru1234:
I am not saying that i am an angel but do two people have to be angels to live in Peace? We all have faults but we can get mad or put ur point across without letting it escalate to screaming. Not little things. I also did not say he is all evil. I only narrated our problem. I have never been the one to escalate things. The only thing he complains about me is that he doesn't like the way I talk to him but it seems he wants me dormant now since little normal discussion is also a problem. The only thing I can conclude is that he is too sensitive and its getting on my nerves now because when he does or say similar stuff to me I dont go gaga. U see what am trying to explain. His over reaction to minor stuff

Oyindidi:
You go wait in vain, see you wey get home training dey run mouth like veejay wey blood dey comot.

ikpuru1234:
I am not saying that i am an angel but do two people have to be angels to live in Peace? We all have faults but we can get mad or put ur point across without letting it escalate to screaming. Not little things. I also did not say he is all evil. I only narrated our problem. I have never been the one to escalate things. The only thing he complains about me is that he doesn't like the way I talk to him but it seems he wants me dormant now since little normal discussion is also a problem. The only thing I can conclude is that he is too sensitive and its getting on my nerves now because when he does or say similar stuff to me I dont go gaga. U see what am trying to explain. His over reaction to minor stuff

ikpuru1234:
You are right. Ours was a long distance relationship, no social media like now, which could have at least helped in knowing each other more. He visited me few times in school before he left country. We spent time on phone everyday. He was the one doing the calling bc it was cheaper him calling from where he stays. He was the one apologising anytime we had any misunderstanding that my friends were saying i was lucky. I was not opportuned to see his true colour. I've had a suitor i rejected due to his violent behaviour(I noticed the way he picks and get into quarrel with outsiders, even to okada people).
I noticed my husband's behaviour after marriage, may be I could have if we were opportuned to spend physical time more. He was polite to outsiders when we were together and he has a calm nature that outsiders think he is faultless.
He walks out in anger on his parents and doesn't listen to them so i cannot even report him to them. This behaviour I could have not gone into this marriage if I had noticed on time. I keep telling him you don't have to agree with your dad but just don't cut phone or walk out on him. It's not nice doing that if u don't like what he is saying, just find a way of saying dad am busy now I will call u back later and say bye before cutting phone.

ikpuru1234:
You are right. Ours was a long distance relationship, no social media like now, which could have at least helped in knowing each other more. He visited me few times in school before he left country. We spent time on phone everyday. He was the one doing the calling bc it was cheaper him calling from where he stays. He was the one apologising anytime we had any misunderstanding that my friends were saying i was lucky. I was not opportuned to see his true colour. I've had a suitor i rejected due to his violent behaviour(I noticed the way he picks and get into quarrel with outsiders, even to okada people).
I noticed my husband's behaviour after marriage, may be I could have if we were opportuned to spend physical time more. He was polite to outsiders when we were together and he has a calm nature that outsiders think he is faultless.
He walks out in anger on his parents and doesn't listen to them so i cannot even report him to them. This behaviour I could have not gone into this marriage if I had noticed on time. I keep telling him you don't have to agree with your dad but just don't cut phone or walk out on him. It's not nice doing that if u don't like what he is saying, just find a way of saying dad am busy now I will call u back later and say bye before cutting phone.

Sagamite:
Let me make an informed guess.

Based on the information you have provided, you probably work for charity or christian ministry that does some work in psychiatric institutions, where you met one of the patients that had been stabilised and you fell in love with him.

Then you married him and after a while he stopped taking his drugs, or the dosage mixture was no longer adequate, hence he relapsed and turned back to his psychotic phases?

Am I right?

Because that is the only logical thing I can deduce from this story where there is nothing you did that contributed to this or triggered it.

Only a psycho would marry a woman that is completely innocent & good-natured and then decide to start spitting at her in an argument over minor TV debate (by the way, what a fcking disgusting outcome).

ikpuru1234:
Thanks for your input. Do you think fragile peace is how marriage should depend on? Walking on a glass all the time. He did not even allow me to go into details if you read my post very well before he started screaming. But even if I did, is that how couples should communicate?

Oyindidi:
You are mouthed, the men do same when they create threads here.

Something happened yesterday and I almost create a thread here. I rather hug my pillow tight and slept off while bobo was nagging. Person wey dey sleep no dey quarrel.