₦airaland Forum

Things happen to everyone of us, how we choose to handle such situation is what makes us different. I guess i have seen some cool advises here already, i just wish you goodspeed in fixing you and your family

holocron:
So what should she do? Abandon her nest to her competitors, or rein in her man? As today is a sunday, let us be guided by the scriptures:

Romans 12:21 "Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good"

@OP, For those recommending divorce, remember that those cheating girlfriends will be too happy to step into the shoes you seem to find so uncomfortable. Please endure. Keep your home for your children's sake. Except u are not in Naija, divorce a last resort only to be taken at risk to life ( not just ordinary slaps, slaps never killed anyone). You hid a man's car keys stopping him from going to work, are you suprised to receive slaps? The OP mother is a very wise woman for being around and not interfering in husband and wife matter. Your difficulties are just a brief phase due to your condition, and also your husband's inexperience. Teething problems COMMON to all marriages.

You need sense

cococandy:

bukatyne:
Acidosis typed that when he was having an orgasm.

possibly

marriage is obviously over rated in Nigeria and most times women are at the receiving end of it..God didn't create you to be somebody's punch bag now..biko, happiness doesn't always depend on marriage o.

holocron:
Madam, u have no problems. Your husband loves and cares for you. Give him his private space. Stay off his phones and stop snooping around him. Eavesdroppers never hear good of themselves. You are 7 months pregnant, and such can hardly satisfy the sexual needs of your virile husband. At least condoms confirm that he practices safe sex, and nothing is lost. Things will normalize when you are fit again. Create a conducive atmosphere in your home and watch your marriage flourish. Stop making your home a hell on this earth.

Oh my jesu!!!!! see person pikin

cuteoly:
My aunt said that all marriages are like that including hers. That cheating is in men's nature. But the worst of the advice is that I should go and apologise to him. That some women are looking for a place where they could just call their home even if it means beating them 3times a day. .

But why do women hate themselves like this? Imagine the nonsense someone is saying..all marriages are like that. This is what happens when a woman will see a decent guy who really cares for them..(even has money) but start misbehaving. Some will even start cheating. There is no how a Lady will say in her whole spinsterhood she didn't come across a guy who genuinely loved her for being her. But then they will go and settle to be someone's punching bag in the name of having and maintaining a home. I can't imagine cheating on a woman I love, talkless of beating her. But then o forgot, the good guys always get burned, cheated on, some wives will even sex starve the guy..and make him raise kids that are not his. Based on this observation...women are their own worst enemies..no need to stress on their matter. Let them live with their choices.

holocron:
Madam, u have no problems. Your husband loves and cares for you. Give him his private space. Stay off his phones and stop snooping around him. Eavesdroppers never hear good of themselves. You are 7 months pregnant, and such can hardly satisfy the sexual needs of your virile husband. At least condoms confirm that he practices safe sex, and nothing is lost. Things will normalize when you are fit again. Create a conducive atmosphere in your home and watch your marriage flourish. Stop making your home a hell on this earth.

Are u sure u're OK psycologically Because u don't sound normal to me...

This is serious o

NL people let's solve this by keeping the woman busy, yes enough beautiful advice ,still we can solve one of her problem. HOW MUCH IS INDUSTRIAL SEWING MACHINE AND WEAVING MACHINE? WE CAN START BY HELPING HER BUY ONE. My one cent though,

cuteoly:
I have been a member of this forum for long but hardly comments on posts but I do read to learn from people. Please I need your advice as to know what to do.
I got married in 2013, my hubby is a civil servant. We didn't date. It happens that I finished my NYSC and worked in Lagos for about 6 months before coming down to Enugu because my Dad was ill and I came to take care of him. He later died 11th September 2012. My hubby after coming to see my Dad at home(that's before his death) took interest in me and asked for my hand in marriage which I refused but he kept insisting, my mom wanting me to stay close to our home town insisted I must marry him. She cried to me that she knows the guy and his family since he was little and that he is trustworthy.
When my Dad died my hubby participated in his burial very well that the whole family started saying he will make a good inlaw.
Sept 2013, we wedded and I gave birth in 2014.
My problem started in 2015 when I saw a text message in my hubby's phone by a lady telling him they won't be seeing each other again because her circulation started that night. I woke him up that night and showed him the text, he pleaded that he was sorry which I forgave him.
Few weeks later, I got another text by another lady on a sunday telling him that if he doesn't come to see her now, that she will leave the house. I kind of chatted the lady as if it was my hubby and was saying stuff like she didn't cook anything that she was waiting for him to come. I still wiped the whole text and pretended I didn't read anything.
Most times he comes back with hotel receipts and when I ask him, he says he just hanged out with his male friends.
On wednesday this week, I saw 2 condoms in his pocket and when I asked him, he said I don't have any right to ask him that I should know that "ofu anya ikpu n'egbu amu" it's an Igbo adage which means that sleeping with one woman kills the penis. That if I don't like it I should pack out of his house.
Meanwhile, I didn't say I learnt sewing after our wedding and am very good in it. This man doesn't give me money, he started building his house in the village last year and I asked him to just channel whatever he gets to the house so that we can move in there soon and stop paying rent, since I get little money from sewing and his work place is close to his village.
But since I discovered he can't do with women I begged him to buy me an industrial sewing and weaving machine so that it will make my work faster. He refused that I should wait till he finish his house. On thursday I waited for him to apologise for the condom I saw in his pocket, he said it's not possible. So when he left for work, I took his car keys and the land property and hide it in the house. And when he asked for them, I told him that he should buy me those machines and then continue whatever he has with women since I have seen that he is not willing to change. I must confess that this is the first time I raised my voice so hard on him. The next I heard was slaps on my face and am 7 months pregnant and my mom was in my house that day and all she could do was to go into her room and started crying. He later got dressed and left for work. He saw me wiping my nose with his singlet because blood was gushing out from my nose and yet he left.
In the evening he came back and locket my and my daughter out. I later called one of my aunties who called him and he opened the door and said he was leaving the house for me that night. But my aunt asked me to hold onto him and plead with him not to go out that night which I did. When I tried to beg him, he said he ll make sure he beats my baby out of my womb if I touch him. I just took the bag he packed and hide it. That's why he stayed back that night.
I went for scan yesterday and I was told my baby is breech that I need to see a Doctor. I haven't registered in any hospital aside a maternity home run by a woman. I have been begging him to give me money to register and that if he says I should leave his house that he should buy my the sewing machines so that I can atleast be using the money to take care of his kids but he refused.
He is doing all this because he knows I have nobody to fight for m and I don't want to involve my kinsmen because they will mock my family and my mom is hypertensive.
Pls do not mind the long post
I didn't add that I later give hhim the documents after the beating because he swore he will kill me and go to jail if I dont

Just saw dis...

OP,
How far?
Hope things are much more better now.
I pray sha...

What's the update in 2018?

cuteoly:
I have been a member of this forum for long but hardly comments on posts but I do read to learn from people. Please I need your advice as to know what to do.
I got married in 2013, my hubby is a civil servant. We didn't date. It happens that I finished my NYSC and worked in Lagos for about 6 months before coming down to Enugu because my Dad was ill and I came to take care of him. He later died 11th September 2012. My hubby after coming to see my Dad at home(that's before his death) took interest in me and asked for my hand in marriage which I refused but he kept insisting, my mom wanting me to stay close to our home town insisted I must marry him. She cried to me that she knows the guy and his family since he was little and that he is trustworthy.
When my Dad died my hubby participated in his burial very well that the whole family started saying he will make a good inlaw.
Sept 2013, we wedded and I gave birth in 2014.
My problem started in 2015 when I saw a text message in my hubby's phone by a lady telling him they won't be seeing each other again because her circulation started that night. I woke him up that night and showed him the text, he pleaded that he was sorry which I forgave him.
Few weeks later, I got another text by another lady on a sunday telling him that if he doesn't come to see her now, that she will leave the house. I kind of chatted the lady as if it was my hubby and was saying stuff like she didn't cook anything that she was waiting for him to come. I still wiped the whole text and pretended I didn't read anything.
Most times he comes back with hotel receipts and when I ask him, he says he just hanged out with his male friends.
On wednesday this week, I saw 2 condoms in his pocket and when I asked him, he said I don't have any right to ask him that I should know that "ofu anya ikpu n'egbu amu" it's an Igbo adage which means that sleeping with one woman kills the penis. That if I don't like it I should pack out of his house.
Meanwhile, I didn't say I learnt sewing after our wedding and am very good in it. This man doesn't give me money, he started building his house in the village last year and I asked him to just channel whatever he gets to the house so that we can move in there soon and stop paying rent, since I get little money from sewing and his work place is close to his village.
But since I discovered he can't do with women I begged him to buy me an industrial sewing and weaving machine so that it will make my work faster. He refused that I should wait till he finish his house. On thursday I waited for him to apologise for the condom I saw in his pocket, he said it's not possible. So when he left for work, I took his car keys and the land property and hide it in the house. And when he asked for them, I told him that he should buy me those machines and then continue whatever he has with women since I have seen that he is not willing to change. I must confess that this is the first time I raised my voice so hard on him. The next I heard was slaps on my face and am 7 months pregnant and my mom was in my house that day and all she could do was to go into her room and started crying. He later got dressed and left for work. He saw me wiping my nose with his singlet because blood was gushing out from my nose and yet he left.
In the evening he came back and locket my and my daughter out. I later called one of my aunties who called him and he opened the door and said he was leaving the house for me that night. But my aunt asked me to hold onto him and plead with him not to go out that night which I did. When I tried to beg him, he said he ll make sure he beats my baby out of my womb if I touch him. I just took the bag he packed and hide it. That's why he stayed back that night.
I went for scan yesterday and I was told my baby is breech that I need to see a Doctor. I haven't registered in any hospital aside a maternity home run by a woman. I have been begging him to give me money to register and that if he says I should leave his house that he should buy my the sewing machines so that I can atleast be using the money to take care of his kids but he refused.
He is doing all this because he knows I have nobody to fight for m and I don't want to involve my kinsmen because they will mock my family and my mom is hypertensive.
Pls do not mind the long post
I didn't add that I later give hhim the documents after the beating because he swore he will kill me and go to jail if I dont

Ehya ,, So sorry Ma.

I cried as i am reading this story, i thought my problems are huge but this is just something else.

I pray you find s good solution to yours.


As i have learnt so far in marriages there are two things involved; either the man is wicked and the woman is gentle or the man is gentle and the woman is wicked.

My mom's younger brother was the gentle type and his wife destroyed his marriage, he had to sell his house and now he is a tenant.

Your husband is the wicked one, so my advice is forget getting anything from him, seek divorce and go your way and take care of your kids alone. This was the advice given to my mom's brother but he kept saying she will turn a new leaf till his marriage collapse. His 19 years old 1st daughter married a man that already has 3 wives and suffering, his 24 years old daughter has had 3 abortions.

So please leave, but expect anything from him, and its best if you can change your location to start a new life.

I am still a depressed young man struggling with his own problems.

holocron:
So what should she do? Abandon her nest to her competitors, or rein in her man? As today is a sunday, let us be guided by the scriptures:

Romans 12:21 "Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good"

@OP, For those recommending divorce, remember that those cheating girlfriends will be too happy to step into the shoes you seem to find so uncomfortable. Please endure. Keep your home for your children's sake. Except u are not in Naija, divorce a last resort only to be taken at risk to life ( not just ordinary slaps, slaps never killed anyone). You hid a man's car keys stopping him from going to work, are you suprised to receive slaps? The OP mother is a very wise woman for being around and not interfering in husband and wife matter. Your difficulties are just a brief phase due to your condition, and also your husband's inexperience. Teething problems COMMON to all marriages.

What sort of advice is this. He beat her and threatened to kill her baby. Are you kidding me. This man does not love her. He saw someone he could subdue and rule over which is why he married her. He married her because he knows no one would fight for her. A man that loves his wife won’t cheat like that neither will he prevent her from succeeding in her business. He should be supportive and know that her success is his success. He is not a caring husband he is an animal.

Your view of marriage is incorrect neither me nor my husband are wicked. Both my parents aren’t wicked either

oyetpel:
I cried as i am reading this story, i thought my problems are huge but this is just something else.

I pray you find s good solution to yours.


As i have learnt so far in marriages there are two things involved; either the man is wicked and the woman is gentle or the man is gentle and the woman is wicked.

My mom's younger brother was the gentle type and his wife destroyed his marriage, he had to sell his house and now he is a tenant.

Your husband is the wicked one, so my advice is forget getting anything from him, seek divorce and go your way and take care of your kids alone. This was the advice given to my mom's brother but he kept saying she will turn a new leaf till his marriage collapse. His 19 years old 1st daughter married a man that already has 3 wives and suffering, his 24 years old daughter has had 3 abortions.

So please leave, but expect anything from him, and its best if you can change your location to start a new life.

I am still a depressed young man struggling with his own problems.

cuteoly:
I have been a member of this forum for long but hardly comments on posts but I do read to learn from people. Please I need your advice as to know what to do.
I got married in 2013, my hubby is a civil servant. We didn't date. It happens that I finished my NYSC and worked in Lagos for about 6 months before coming down to Enugu because my Dad was ill and I came to take care of him. He later died 11th September 2012. My hubby after coming to see my Dad at home(that's before his death) took interest in me and asked for my hand in marriage which I refused but he kept insisting, my mom wanting me to stay close to our home town insisted I must marry him. She cried to me that she knows the guy and his family since he was little and that he is trustworthy.
When my Dad died my hubby participated in his burial very well that the whole family started saying he will make a good inlaw.
Sept 2013, we wedded and I gave birth in 2014.
My problem started in 2015 when I saw a text message in my hubby's phone by a lady telling him they won't be seeing each other again because her circulation started that night. I woke him up that night and showed him the text, he pleaded that he was sorry which I forgave him.
Few weeks later, I got another text by another lady on a sunday telling him that if he doesn't come to see her now, that she will leave the house. I kind of chatted the lady as if it was my hubby and was saying stuff like she didn't cook anything that she was waiting for him to come. I still wiped the whole text and pretended I didn't read anything.
Most times he comes back with hotel receipts and when I ask him, he says he just hanged out with his male friends.
On wednesday this week, I saw 2 condoms in his pocket and when I asked him, he said I don't have any right to ask him that I should know that "ofu anya ikpu n'egbu amu" it's an Igbo adage which means that sleeping with one woman kills the penis. That if I don't like it I should pack out of his house.
Meanwhile, I didn't say I learnt sewing after our wedding and am very good in it. This man doesn't give me money, he started building his house in the village last year and I asked him to just channel whatever he gets to the house so that we can move in there soon and stop paying rent, since I get little money from sewing and his work place is close to his village.
But since I discovered he can't do with women I begged him to buy me an industrial sewing and weaving machine so that it will make my work faster. He refused that I should wait till he finish his house. On thursday I waited for him to apologise for the condom I saw in his pocket, he said it's not possible. So when he left for work, I took his car keys and the land property and hide it in the house. And when he asked for them, I told him that he should buy me those machines and then continue whatever he has with women since I have seen that he is not willing to change. I must confess that this is the first time I raised my voice so hard on him. The next I heard was slaps on my face and am 7 months pregnant and my mom was in my house that day and all she could do was to go into her room and started crying. He later got dressed and left for work. He saw me wiping my nose with his singlet because blood was gushing out from my nose and yet he left.
In the evening he came back and locket my and my daughter out. I later called one of my aunties who called him and he opened the door and said he was leaving the house for me that night. But my aunt asked me to hold onto him and plead with him not to go out that night which I did. When I tried to beg him, he said he ll make sure he beats my baby out of my womb if I touch him. I just took the bag he packed and hide it. That's why he stayed back that night.
I went for scan yesterday and I was told my baby is breech that I need to see a Doctor. I haven't registered in any hospital aside a maternity home run by a woman. I have been begging him to give me money to register and that if he says I should leave his house that he should buy my the sewing machines so that I can atleast be using the money to take care of his kids but he refused.
He is doing all this because he knows I have nobody to fight for m and I don't want to involve my kinsmen because they will mock my family and my mom is hypertensive.
Pls do not mind the long post
I didn't add that I later give hhim the documents after the beating because he swore he will kill me and go to jail if I dont

You were wrong to seize his car keys n hide his landed property documents. He never said he won't buy the machine, but asked you to wait until he completes his house.

You went out of line. U crossed the boundary. Am sure he has not slapped you before except that day. U went out of place by your action.

If your husband cheats, show him love and pray he stops. Ask him what he wants you to do to spice up your marriage.

Forget the idea of you won't sleep with him again. It's a lie, you will give him sex or he goes out to get it.

Don't leave your marriage. People who have not married before will be here forming advisors, font leave your marriage.

Show him love, be more respectful n submissive. Your hubby will come around.

I have said my own, it's left for you to do whatever you want o

mrssho:
Your view of marriage is incorrect neither me nor my husband are wicked. Both my parents aren’t wicked either

Wickedness is the extreme like op's husband. I should have used mean or strictness, op condition made me use that word anyways

In a family its either the husband is mean or the wife is mean.

My dad was not wicked but he was strict, my mom was the gentle one with tender love.

If you ask some kids some will say they like their mother more than their father and vice versa.

If the husband is not mean, the wife might take advantage of the man.

If the husband is gentle, the wife will be mean.

cuteoly:
I have been a member of this forum for long but hardly comments on posts but I do read to learn from people. Please I need your advice as to know what to do.
I got married in 2013, my hubby is a civil servant. We didn't date. It happens that I finished my NYSC and worked in Lagos for about 6 months before coming down to Enugu because my Dad was ill and I came to take care of him. He later died 11th September 2012. My hubby after coming to see my Dad at home(that's before his death) took interest in me and asked for my hand in marriage which I refused but he kept insisting, my mom wanting me to stay close to our home town insisted I must marry him. She cried to me that she knows the guy and his family since he was little and that he is trustworthy.
When my Dad died my hubby participated in his burial very well that the whole family started saying he will make a good inlaw.
Sept 2013, we wedded and I gave birth in 2014.
My problem started in 2015 when I saw a text message in my hubby's phone by a lady telling him they won't be seeing each other again because her circulation started that night. I woke him up that night and showed him the text, he pleaded that he was sorry which I forgave him.
Few weeks later, I got another text by another lady on a sunday telling him that if he doesn't come to see her now, that she will leave the house. I kind of chatted the lady as if it was my hubby and was saying stuff like she didn't cook anything that she was waiting for him to come. I still wiped the whole text and pretended I didn't read anything.
Most times he comes back with hotel receipts and when I ask him, he says he just hanged out with his male friends.
On wednesday this week, I saw 2 condoms in his pocket and when I asked him, he said I don't have any right to ask him that I should know that "ofu anya ikpu n'egbu amu" it's an Igbo adage which means that sleeping with one woman kills the penis. That if I don't like it I should pack out of his house.
Meanwhile, I didn't say I learnt sewing after our wedding and am very good in it. This man doesn't give me money, he started building his house in the village last year and I asked him to just channel whatever he gets to the house so that we can move in there soon and stop paying rent, since I get little money from sewing and his work place is close to his village.
But since I discovered he can't do with women I begged him to buy me an industrial sewing and weaving machine so that it will make my work faster. He refused that I should wait till he finish his house. On thursday I waited for him to apologise for the condom I saw in his pocket, he said it's not possible. So when he left for work, I took his car keys and the land property and hide it in the house. And when he asked for them, I told him that he should buy me those machines and then continue whatever he has with women since I have seen that he is not willing to change. I must confess that this is the first time I raised my voice so hard on him. The next I heard was slaps on my face and am 7 months pregnant and my mom was in my house that day and all she could do was to go into her room and started crying. He later got dressed and left for work. He saw me wiping my nose with his singlet because blood was gushing out from my nose and yet he left.
In the evening he came back and locket my and my daughter out. I later called one of my aunties who called him and he opened the door and said he was leaving the house for me that night. But my aunt asked me to hold onto him and plead with him not to go out that night which I did. When I tried to beg him, he said he ll make sure he beats my baby out of my womb if I touch him. I just took the bag he packed and hide it. That's why he stayed back that night.
I went for scan yesterday and I was told my baby is breech that I need to see a Doctor. I haven't registered in any hospital aside a maternity home run by a woman. I have been begging him to give me money to register and that if he says I should leave his house that he should buy my the sewing machines so that I can atleast be using the money to take care of his kids but he refused.
He is doing all this because he knows I have nobody to fight for m and I don't want to involve my kinsmen because they will mock my family and my mom is hypertensive.
Pls do not mind the long post
I didn't add that I later give hhim the documents after the beating because he swore he will kill me and go to jail if I dont

you are a stupid woman
Why will you challenge your husband physically when you know you will lose and you have no one to fight for you?
Next time use common sense and get the sewing machine before you leave his house jejely

Lol, Love now has different definitions.
Nice one.

pie is the one that brought beating on her head.

cococandy:
Be the best wife to someone who hits her until she bleeds while she's pregnant? At the same time running around with other females?

If she stops challenging the man she will stop receiving beatings

Jesus! . Some of you have no conscience. Your internalized misogyny has robbed you of all humanity and empathy possible towards your fellow humans.

Who empathy epp?

You're like zombies who default response is to always tell women bear whatever level shyt is thrown at them. You know nothing else.

Oya what do you suggest
Collect more beating?
This is Nigeria o not America

God forbid you use your sense and say something that actually shows you're a human being who hurts when another hurts. Soulless zombies.

who soul epp

mrssho:
So pregnancy means the man should cheat abu? Poster pls ignore this advice. Sometimes people don't appreciate what they have till they lose it. Your husband does not want to buy your machine bc he knows it will make you financially dependent and you can choose to walk out anytime. If you won't mind working for someone for sometime as a tailor pls send me a private msg

should she send mms when she receive more beating for leaving the house?

Viking007:
It took me a lot of willpower to ignore that useless comment You quoted. Some people deserve some hot e-slap for posting rubbish.

go and slap him na
Say your own
He has said his
All this mouth
If you see him now na so you go gentle like cat