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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / Depressed Wife Needs Your Urgent Advice. (9438 Views)
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Re: Depressed Wife Needs Your Urgent Advice. by Smhart1(f): 9:08pm On Mar 19, 2017 |
The stay and endure crew have come again. I believe it is only a stone hearted human that will hit a pregnant woman a heavily pregnant one at that. Op, you need to start saving for those machines yourself because it's obvious that man isn't ready to help . may God lead you through 8 Likes |
Re: Depressed Wife Needs Your Urgent Advice. by cuteoly(f): 9:09pm On Mar 19, 2017 |
obyrich:I have met the woman who trained him on several occasion about the to me and asked me to endure and that she doesn't want me to involve anybody. she gave me 'War room' movie to watch and pray. And told me that it's not neccessary for her to call my hubby and advice him. But this time around that he raised his hand on me, I didn't tell anyone |
Re: Depressed Wife Needs Your Urgent Advice. by Gloriagee(f): 9:22pm On Mar 19, 2017 |
I guess I don't have enough willpower, then. I was already vexed reading bout the annoying hubby but that guy's post escalated my vexometer. U actually hit a pregnant woman in the presence of her mom. Wat utter disrespect and what was that bout pregnancy being a trigger for cheating husbands? I guess I just had to respond so he could see that I wasn't buying into the warped version of emotion, he was referring to as love. N y everytime someone says, I love u I bliv its in good order to find out wat u mean by love. In the words of Tina Turner, wats love got to do with a randy, disrespectful, over - annoying ,disgusting specimen of a hubby sef? Viking007: 6 Likes |
Re: Depressed Wife Needs Your Urgent Advice. by obyrich(m): 9:31pm On Mar 19, 2017 |
cuteoly:I think you have to tell people now that things have gone from bad to worse. Let the woman know that he has 'graduated' to a wife-beater. Tell your pastor/Imam or whoever you know he listens to. Do not bottle up your feelings. Marriage is a pact between two persons of different backgrounds and social orientations. There is a reason witnesses are always involved during wedding. Be wise. 4 Likes |
Re: Depressed Wife Needs Your Urgent Advice. by Lush100(m): 9:46pm On Mar 19, 2017 |
wow. this is a serious situation. had to read twice. first let the man be. give him his space.(to reduce friction and aggression). secondly u need financial help but u are pregnant. pls do u attend a church. if so seek help there.-talk to the pastor or wife. (I will recommend Baptist church if u can) then go to a health centre, once u get help, and start or antenatal At the health centre look for a matured nurse to explain ur ordeal (leave out the aggression in your story). all u need is sympathy to get help, let the nurse (with help)write the bill on paper for every stuff you do there even if u have paid, take to the church if u can get some of it. then finally take it to ur husband. if u are afraid to talk to him, write it on s note that the paper is the bill for the antenatal care for the week. keep doing that every week whether he pays or not. I also believe he drops money for food, go for cheaper items and keep what save from it. my wife does have sowing machine but it seem u stay in the East. how to send from Lagos is a problem besides I have to talk to her for now think of surviving the difficult time before I think of getting financial reliance. 2 Likes |
Re: Depressed Wife Needs Your Urgent Advice. by baby124: 9:52pm On Mar 19, 2017 |
So your mother, the originator of this mess cannot find a cooperative loan to get for you to get a machine? Can't you do the same? Must you squeeze money from him? Give him space, let him enjoy his money. You go out and raise the money by yourself. After this child, get on birth control. If your mother is living with you, let her go back to her husband's house so your husband can have some respect for your family. He has obviously lost respect for your family if he can beat you in front of your mother. Chai! In that respect I will be the witch they warned him about in the village. If there is another room you can sleep for now, pack your things and sleep there. It's really dangerous for a pregnant woman and child to be exposed to disease. Don't worry you will be fine. You don't need him to raise that money. How much is the machine? 6 Likes |
Re: Depressed Wife Needs Your Urgent Advice. by TheeDetective: 9:55pm On Mar 19, 2017 |
@bold what type of advice is this? So its ok for a married man to cheat as long as he protects himself, then nothing is lost? FOR REAL? If the wife was the one doing exactly what her husband is doing would you give this same advice? Sometimes it’s good to give advice that we ourselves can take and not one that we can't accept. holocron: 10 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: Depressed Wife Needs Your Urgent Advice. by Nobody: 10:11pm On Mar 19, 2017 |
holocron: You try, Mr. Adviser, it's only a feeble minded person that should pay any attention to this garbage you posted OP, this is serious. It seems some married women are victims of this physical and emotional abuse so you are not alone. If you can locate your state chapter of the ministry of women affairs, you should find help I know that you might not feel comfortable reporting him but high 1 Like |
Re: Depressed Wife Needs Your Urgent Advice. by Ayinke93(f): 10:19pm On Mar 19, 2017 |
I really feel bad for you cuteoly, you are really going through a whole lot. Marriage is meant to be enjoyed, but look at d mess you found yourself. Its obvious d man doesn't love you and he doesn't even have any iota of respect for you. I don't know how to advise you but I pray God helps you through all dis. The storm will soon be over by God's grace. |
Re: Depressed Wife Needs Your Urgent Advice. by Iykecaroll(m): 5:19pm On Mar 20, 2017 |
cuteoly:You're in Enugu. Listen in this evening on Urban 94.5 FM tonight being Monday...from 9:30pm. I'm hoping you'd find answers. I've sent you a mail too. try n respond. God be with you. |
Re: Depressed Wife Needs Your Urgent Advice. by Nobody: 8:19pm On Mar 20, 2017 |
holocron: How would u say such? Except the OP is hiding vital details (u know women and their victim game) that man is plain stupid. Imagine the response to his wife, that he cannot stay with one woman alone that it will affect the penis...what manner of depraved thinking is that? Why should u hit ur wife knowing she is with child? Ur child at 7 months!! Why do the good well meaning guys get the hoes and the decent loving girls end up with thugs?..I have to say it tho...the matchmaking game of Lucifer is very strong 7 Likes |
Re: Depressed Wife Needs Your Urgent Advice. by Nobody: 8:30pm On Mar 20, 2017 |
holocron: Why do some Christians have this suffer suffer mentality? A marriage that is supposed to give her joy is threatening her life.Y marry a lady u don't love? U put her at risk of STDs and constant emotional torture and u expect her to live her life that way? She should just separate herself from dat man for a while and take her case to God. 3 Likes |
Re: Depressed Wife Needs Your Urgent Advice. by Julivas(m): 10:19pm On Mar 20, 2017 |
I really pity the condition you are now. Take it easy, all will be well. Firstly, don't try to get into his privacy for now. Then, find a mean of settling urself by buying those machines. Afterwards, mind your business, be a good wife, take care of yourself and the unborn child. Pray for your home to know the joy of marriage and that peace to reign in your home. Note, if he keeps on beating on for any reason, please kindly find a place to live for the main time so that you will be alive to take care of your children. Lastly, get closer to God. 1 Like |
Re: Depressed Wife Needs Your Urgent Advice. by chrispratt: 1:49am On Mar 21, 2017 |
Gloriagee: I don't know you, but this is one of the best things I've read on nairaland. Your post made me smile. Nigerian men scare me. 5 Likes |
Re: Depressed Wife Needs Your Urgent Advice. by Nobody: 3:20am On Mar 21, 2017 |
Madam , just love your self by keeping away from his phone. Pls note that every man will always have one girl or the other outside...love yourself by keeping away from his phone.that is all I will tell you, and no man is better so just see him as your own child that will misbehave at any given opportunity and yet you will still forgive that your child. |
Re: Depressed Wife Needs Your Urgent Advice. by engoldzee(f): 3:24am On Mar 21, 2017 |
Hmm this one pass me o, well sha that's why when it comes to choosing a life partner you have to shine your eyes,avoid sentiments. I would share my story it might not help your situation but someone who is about to make the same mistake will learn. I meet my husband in 2010,he had a job thou we were in a distant relationship he worked in PH and I lived in Jos with my parents along the line he lost his job,my parents didn't know I just kept to myself. One of my aunties introduced a guy to my parents that the guy has jeep,and said he's from my state bla bla..... He is looking for a wife see pressure na when he came to see my parents see money he spent about 250000 on his first vist. I was very honest with my boy friend "hubby now" i told him someone was coming to see my parents to ask my hand in marriage he said i remember vividly make them leave my wife o we decided to pray about it. To cut long story short,I told him I was in a serious relationship, he left and said I was disrespectful after he left see pressure from everyone he said I should come and visit him I said no he started insulting me I stopped picking his calls the whole situation was like dejavau. I thank God I stood my ground because God had a better plan for me he was not religious,had a lot of friends that where politicians,kept talking about club,party friends. I got married to my boy friend in 2012,we won Visa lottery in 2013, both of kids are all American citizens,I'm so happy I'm married to my soul mate he's everything I could ask for and we're living in America going to school and working I'm so glad I didn't trade my happiness for money and we have a lifetime ahead of us. Friends don't let anyone pressure you to making a decision you'd regret. My sister I wish you all the best put your life and that of your kids first keep holding on God bless you. 9 Likes 3 Shares |
Re: Depressed Wife Needs Your Urgent Advice. by Gloriagee(f): 7:54am On Mar 21, 2017 |
Wen a guy that has vowed to protect u is bold enough to humiliate u in the presence of ur mum..... There are good guys and I pray u find urs. My hubby isn't perfect but posts like this help me appreciate him more Stay blessed chrispratt: 2 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Depressed Wife Needs Your Urgent Advice. by Acidosis(m): 8:40am On Mar 21, 2017 |
holocron: You are a disgrace to humanity and a big disgrace to your children yet unborn. @OP, I have some questions for you... Why did your mom cried? I'm surprised the same mother that pushed you into the arms of a vagabond now acts as though she's incapable of handling the situation. You married a vagabond (tell your husband I said so!) A man that can solemnly beat his wife to pulp in the presence of his mother in law deserves nothing but a dinner party with Satan! Why is your family so naive? Has this satanic vagabond of a husband destroyed everything left of your self-worth and dignity? Stop begging him for money please! It is true you need to start funding your personal needs as soon as possible, but don't be scared to start small. Do your estimate, but first, secure your sanity before he leads you to the grave. Your mom made a terrible mistake, and that mistake can be corrected. You do not force people on anyone just because you saw superficial traits like gentility, "small change", and all that. I'm an advocate of lengthy courtship/dating cos marriage is too delicate a task to rush into the hands of a stranger. 6 Likes |
Re: Depressed Wife Needs Your Urgent Advice. by Acidosis(m): 8:52am On Mar 21, 2017 |
vonchulxy: Another up and coming vagabond He should see and treat the satanic husband like a child... Same way a child beats his mother. Did you beat your mother while growing up? A lot of posters here are in. sa.ne. 10 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Depressed Wife Needs Your Urgent Advice. by chrispratt: 8:56am On Mar 21, 2017 |
Gloriagee: My dear I'm married oh and just like you, I appreciate him so much when I see posts like this as well as the *advice* people have to give. All the popular ones like Love him more Don't provoke him to beat you Buy him condoms and lube to help him cheat safely Watch *war room* (a fictional story by the way) And my personal favorite: Men are polygamous in nature. I'm married to someone who neither cheats nor beats me, he loves me, treats me with respect and is a great dad. I'm know now that is a rare occurence. I'm happy that you also have peace of mind in your home. 6 Likes |
Re: Depressed Wife Needs Your Urgent Advice. by Acidosis(m): 8:58am On Mar 21, 2017 |
divinelove:If OP was your sister, would you post this non.sense? She should advise her hubby on sa.fe s. ex? Where did you all come from? Did you guys grow up in a family or farmland? What did you Learn from your parents? Seriously, I need to write an open apology to all feminists on Nairaland. They are driving a noble pursuit. A lot of Nigerian men and fathers are irresponsible. The irresponsibility of useless forefathers have been shoved down the throats of the up and coming generations. 11 Likes |
Re: Depressed Wife Needs Your Urgent Advice. by Gloriagee(f): 9:03am On Mar 21, 2017 |
I feel u big time. We keep reinforcing bad behaviour wen we make all these nauseating generalizations. Stereotypes are introduced from childhood and the effects are sadly wat results in posts like this. chrispratt: 5 Likes |
Re: Depressed Wife Needs Your Urgent Advice. by divinelove(m): 9:45am On Mar 21, 2017 |
Acidosis: U are a complete idiot dt may never see the wisdom in my opinion so I may not bother to engage u. It takes a lot of maturity n wisdom to manage a troubled marriage and dts beyond the understanding of kids like u. Divorce can and shld never be embraced at d slightest provocation in marriage. 1 Like |
Re: Depressed Wife Needs Your Urgent Advice. by Acidosis(m): 10:04am On Mar 21, 2017 |
divinelove: There is nowhere in the Bible where God recommended prayers for a cheating partner. In fact, God did not recommend marriage for Cheats so pray from now till kingdom comes, your prayers won't work. It will only work on the TV screen (e.g. war room). You cannot marry an ed.iot and expect God to change him to an Angel. God has already told you that two cannot work together unless they agree. Stop twisting the bible for your selfish deeds. Will you go to the war room if your wife turns your bed to a brothel? You guys are evil. What is bad is bad. That everyone close to you sleep around like dogs doesnt make cheating RIGHT. 9 Likes 3 Shares |
Re: Depressed Wife Needs Your Urgent Advice. by Gloriagee(f): 10:05am On Mar 21, 2017 |
I doubt that Acidosis is advocating divorce. He's only contesting your suggestion that she should advise her husband to have safe s.ex. Yeah, maturity and wisdom is required but does not equate condoning extra marital 'safe' sex. After all, who's gonna enforce that her hubby conducts safe sex. Do u actually realise the dangers of extra marital sex? Look at this lady sacrificing and asking her hubby to route all his money to his building project in the hope of a better tomorrow yet without registering for antenatal at 7 months. Can't u see his affection and resources are being diverted? divinelove: 5 Likes |
Re: Depressed Wife Needs Your Urgent Advice. by Acidosis(m): 10:11am On Mar 21, 2017 |
Gloriagee: I'm not against forgiveness as people make mistakes. In this case, the man is adamant, he's seeing nothing wrong in his actions and even claiming to kick out his own baby from his wife's womb.. That's crazy, I don't exprct such from a normal human being As if that wasn't enough. He beat the lady in his MIL's presence. Thats enough to send him to prison 4 Likes |
Re: Depressed Wife Needs Your Urgent Advice. by Gloriagee(f): 10:17am On Mar 21, 2017 |
Personally can't imagine a discussion with hubby bout practising safe sex. I mean the guy is already cheating with no remorse. Isn't that like a licence to cheat. U hear of people practicing open marriages and then the guy and other lady hook up to wife's annoyance. I wonder wat the world is turning to. Acidosis: 2 Likes |
Re: Depressed Wife Needs Your Urgent Advice. by divinelove(m): 10:20am On Mar 21, 2017 |
Gloriagee: U shld go back and read d next sentence dt follows d safe sex part, it's merely a change of strategy sometimes u can't change everything by force. Besides safe sex will help prevent d worst dt is infecting her wife, so is like a lesser evil. So I am nt supporting cheating but trying to see if d man comes back to his senses. D major problem of d man is dt he is nt providing for d wife n kids, if everyone shld divorce at d slightest provocation no one will be married for up to 5yrs including ur pastor n d wife 1 Like |
Re: Depressed Wife Needs Your Urgent Advice. by divinelove(m): 10:25am On Mar 21, 2017 |
Acidosis: U still don't n won't understand no one says cheating is right but I am telling u dt u needs alot of maturity and wisdom to manage and sustain a troubled marriage - this is sth u can never understand. D mindset you go into marriage with is summed up in this. " for better for worse until death do us part" anything short of this shows immaturity |
Re: Depressed Wife Needs Your Urgent Advice. by Nobody: 10:28am On Mar 21, 2017 |
Acidosis: |
Re: Depressed Wife Needs Your Urgent Advice. by Nobody: 10:36am On Mar 21, 2017 |
Acidosis: |
Re: Depressed Wife Needs Your Urgent Advice. by Gloriagee(f): 10:37am On Mar 21, 2017 |
Yeah, safe sex will help prevent infecting the wife but it's not like she gonna be able to ensure he follows her bidding. It's not going to stop the emotional connection and bond that a couple should share from ebbing out. n that's y women snap sometimes. It's always a long time coming. U never know how she might react to a 'minor' incident cos she's been brooding and fuming for a long time. My heart goes out to her. I doubt u know the emotional torture this woman is going thru divinelove: 1 Like |
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