₦airaland Forum

sadsad:
I hope this is the right section for this.
If not, MODs can help place it in the right section.


Mature advice needed!!!!
Married for 10 years now, have an adopted daughter due to fertility issues.
Everything was going on well until I needed to get a maid to assist with house chores temporarily due to my change of work schedules which warranted longer tedious hours outside the home. Moreover I needed someone to help look after my child when she returns from nursery class when I'm not around during the day.

In March 2016, I got a maid but my husband called me aside one day & said he observed how I shield the maid from getting close to him in the house & that he as the man of the house is not 'free' in his own house. He went further to say, my actions prove I'm suspecting he will want to have something to do with the maid.

For the 1st time in my marriage of 8 years then, my husband & I had a very heated argument that he threatened me by saying if I decide to send her away, I must also leave.
I replied him that if I should leave, I will go with at least half of what I brought into this marriage, not all o! So that people won't say I'm a bad person, so I'll go with at least half.
I had met him earning 6k monthly in 2002 & I introduced my business idea to him which we now run jointly as a family business. By the Grace of God, we earn comfortably that he has now become the bread winner in his own family. His Siblings look up to him constantly for financial help.
My inheritances gotten on two occasions from my late grandparents & parents, were used to buy & build our first property in the outskirts of Lagos. I went further to sell my first car to Roof the building because I realised he is not a futuristic person & he is not financially empowered enough to get a property so I felt since we are husband & wife, why not I assist financially to ensure his head is lifted up continually. Between last year December & today, I gave him another 7 figures to purchase a building in his hometown so that we can have a place to retire to. Then the first building in Lagos will be put up for rent.

When he realised I was serious with my counter-threat on the maid issue, he relaxed & travelled the next day to see his Mom.
While in his hometown, he called me & said his Mom's Pastor gave his Mom a revelation that I (her Son's wife) should stop all medical interventions for now & wait for God's time to give us one biological child.

I foolishly (well, submissively) accepted. Only for him to come back from the trip & cajoled me to accept him to have s.x with the maid so that she can give us a biological child.
Readers, my life started falling into pieces from that day.

After some weeks, he begged me to go lodge in a hotel to spend the night there so that he can have his way with the maid in our home. Ha!!!! I refused but he blackmailed me by saying, I do know he has been treated & certified medically OK so I am the one with the issue that has caused delays for years. Also, the revelation that I should stop all medical interventions ( we've done sooooo many medical interventions in these years of waiting, all to no avail).

I accepted to go to the hotel, which he paid for. This happened on 3 different occasions within the space of 1 month plus.
A day to the day I'll go to the hotel to stay, I'll be sooo moody & irritated that he will say (why am I blocking his chances of having his biological child after I've wasted many years of his life childless. Our adopted child is from is his late relative, so he still needs his own direct blood.

I would go for business meetings & sometimes take bike (okada) to journey Long distances so as to meet up to close deals, only for me to come back into the house to meet him & the maid alone in the house while my daughter will be playing with her mates in the neighbor's apartment.
He would return home before noon & they'll spend the day together. I forgot something at home one day & decided to go back to pick it up, by the time I left the house & them inside, I was devastated that day, I was depressed, I became almost insane & emotionally imbalanced. I didn't know I was talking to myself on my way out on the road, a neighbour tapped my shoulder from behind & I was jolted back to realise I was on the road trekking a wrong direction to my office.

After about 5 months, I started chatting daily with someone I met via social media, we started out as having same investment orientation, from there we became close on phone via WhatsApp, we would discuss family issues, marital issues, financial issues & all sorts. I realised he was someone I could talk to easily & pour out my heart to. I was also his phone companion. We didn't meet physically until 4 months after. We met & had s.x in 2017 after so much togetherness on phone.

I felt guilty because I never had s.x with any other man aside my husband for over 9 years +. My husband had been suspecting me & confronted me with proofs of my infidelity. He reported me to my Aunt. I told my Aunt (in his presence) what I went thru in his hands during the maid issues, she blamed both of us & kinda settled the issues.

The maid got pregnant & it had a complication because according to the doctor, she took some substances to abort the pregnancy. I had mixed feelings when she lost the pregnancy. Sad, that I had lost the opportunity to finally make my husband a father. She left after the evacuation & never returned.
My husband became sober & scared all thru the pregnancy complication issues because he was worried she could die & the law will be after him. I had to help him make sure she was well taken care of in a good clinic & prayed & fasted for everything to end well.

I got another maid because my clients were giving me more contracts to work on & this time, this new maid herself decided to leave on the grounds that my husband threatened to kill her if she doesn't have s x with him. She had to call the agent that brought her to come take her away, next day. My husband denied all allegations even till today.

I decided, no more maids.

Just two days ago, I refused him s.x because he accused me of still cheating. He says anytime he sees me 'holding my phone', he will have a recall of my infidelity episode & he'll get terribly infuriated. He will say I have gone to do it with someone else so I don't want him. He has beaten me on several occasions & I have told him that I have severed the relationship & communication between I and the guy. I have also proven this to him but he wouldn't understand. I get his point but his insecurity feelings is toooo much. He would threaten me & beat me. In 2017, I had to write to Ministry of Women Affairs in Alausa but I told them not to take action yet because he later apologized. I gave him a copy of the letter I wrote to Alausa. The ministry called to check up on me & u assured them all us well now. Ever since I dropped the letter, he never beats me again but he would threaten me emotionally & psychologically.

When he realised I was going to leave the marriage, he begged & begged me. Saying I should know that he can never carry out his threat, that we've been together since 2001 as friends before marriage so I should be able to tell what he's capable of.

He also indirectly said if I leave, the business will crumble but at that point, I didn't care anymore about the family business that gives us 7 figures + monthly. He knows that the business is my idea. I learnt it for 7 years before we started. Till date, I bring in the biggest chunk of the income because he handles some clients while I handle some. My clients are the biggest. I believe this is his greatest fear.

Yesterday night, he made me listen to Lionel Richie (I'll rather spend bad times with you, than spend good times with someone else).

If I leave this marriage, I don't see myself getting married again. Highest, I do surrogacy or adoption to have a child. I loved this man with my whole existence before the cookie started to crumble. I won't allow any man make me his ATM.

Right now, I'm in a mess & I need words from matured married Nairalanders.

Thank you in advance

sadsad:
I hope this is the right section for this.
If not, MODs can help place it in the right section.


Mature advice needed!!!!
Married for 10 years now, have an adopted daughter due to fertility issues.
Everything was going on well until I needed to get a maid to assist with house chores temporarily due to my change of work schedules which warranted longer tedious hours outside the home. Moreover I needed someone to help look after my child when she returns from nursery class when I'm not around during the day.

In March 2016, I got a maid but my husband called me aside one day & said he observed how I shield the maid from getting close to him in the house & that he as the man of the house is not 'free' in his own house. He went further to say, my actions prove I'm suspecting he will want to have something to do with the maid.

For the 1st time in my marriage of 8 years then, my husband & I had a very heated argument that he threatened me by saying if I decide to send her away, I must also leave.
I replied him that if I should leave, I will go with at least half of what I brought into this marriage, not all o! So that people won't say I'm a bad person, so I'll go with at least half.
I had met him earning 6k monthly in 2002 & I introduced my business idea to him which we now run jointly as a family business. By the Grace of God, we earn comfortably that he has now become the bread winner in his own family. His Siblings look up to him constantly for financial help.
My inheritances gotten on two occasions from my late grandparents & parents, were used to buy & build our first property in the outskirts of Lagos. I went further to sell my first car to Roof the building because I realised he is not a futuristic person & he is not financially empowered enough to get a property so I felt since we are husband & wife, why not I assist financially to ensure his head is lifted up continually. Between last year December & today, I gave him another 7 figures to purchase a building in his hometown so that we can have a place to retire to. Then the first building in Lagos will be put up for rent.

When he realised I was serious with my counter-threat on the maid issue, he relaxed & travelled the next day to see his Mom.
While in his hometown, he called me & said his Mom's Pastor gave his Mom a revelation that I (her Son's wife) should stop all medical interventions for now & wait for God's time to give us one biological child.

I foolishly (well, submissively) accepted. Only for him to come back from the trip & cajoled me to accept him to have s.x with the maid so that she can give us a biological child.
Readers, my life started falling into pieces from that day.

After some weeks, he begged me to go lodge in a hotel to spend the night there so that he can have his way with the maid in our home. Ha!!!! I refused but he blackmailed me by saying, I do know he has been treated & certified medically OK so I am the one with the issue that has caused delays for years. Also, the revelation that I should stop all medical interventions ( we've done sooooo many medical interventions in these years of waiting, all to no avail).

I accepted to go to the hotel, which he paid for. This happened on 3 different occasions within the space of 1 month plus.
A day to the day I'll go to the hotel to stay, I'll be sooo moody & irritated that he will say (why am I blocking his chances of having his biological child after I've wasted many years of his life childless. Our adopted child is from is his late relative, so he still needs his own direct blood.

I would go for business meetings & sometimes take bike (okada) to journey Long distances so as to meet up to close deals, only for me to come back into the house to meet him & the maid alone in the house while my daughter will be playing with her mates in the neighbor's apartment.
He would return home before noon & they'll spend the day together. I forgot something at home one day & decided to go back to pick it up, by the time I left the house & them inside, I was devastated that day, I was depressed, I became almost insane & emotionally imbalanced. I didn't know I was talking to myself on my way out on the road, a neighbour tapped my shoulder from behind & I was jolted back to realise I was on the road trekking a wrong direction to my office.

After about 5 months, I started chatting daily with someone I met via social media, we started out as having same investment orientation, from there we became close on phone via WhatsApp, we would discuss family issues, marital issues, financial issues & all sorts. I realised he was someone I could talk to easily & pour out my heart to. I was also his phone companion. We didn't meet physically until 4 months after. We met & had s.x in 2017 after so much togetherness on phone.

I felt guilty because I never had s.x with any other man aside my husband for over 9 years +. My husband had been suspecting me & confronted me with proofs of my infidelity. He reported me to my Aunt. I told my Aunt (in his presence) what I went thru in his hands during the maid issues, she blamed both of us & kinda settled the issues.

The maid got pregnant & it had a complication because according to the doctor, she took some substances to abort the pregnancy. I had mixed feelings when she lost the pregnancy. Sad, that I had lost the opportunity to finally make my husband a father. She left after the evacuation & never returned.
My husband became sober & scared all thru the pregnancy complication issues because he was worried she could die & the law will be after him. I had to help him make sure she was well taken care of in a good clinic & prayed & fasted for everything to end well.

I got another maid because my clients were giving me more contracts to work on & this time, this new maid herself decided to leave on the grounds that my husband threatened to kill her if she doesn't have s x with him. She had to call the agent that brought her to come take her away, next day. My husband denied all allegations even till today.

I decided, no more maids.

Just two days ago, I refused him s.x because he accused me of still cheating. He says anytime he sees me 'holding my phone', he will have a recall of my infidelity episode & he'll get terribly infuriated. He will say I have gone to do it with someone else so I don't want him. He has beaten me on several occasions & I have told him that I have severed the relationship & communication between I and the guy. I have also proven this to him but he wouldn't understand. I get his point but his insecurity feelings is toooo much. He would threaten me & beat me. In 2017, I had to write to Ministry of Women Affairs in Alausa but I told them not to take action yet because he later apologized. I gave him a copy of the letter I wrote to Alausa. The ministry called to check up on me & u assured them all us well now. Ever since I dropped the letter, he never beats me again but he would threaten me emotionally & psychologically.

When he realised I was going to leave the marriage, he begged & begged me. Saying I should know that he can never carry out his threat, that we've been together since 2001 as friends before marriage so I should be able to tell what he's capable of.

He also indirectly said if I leave, the business will crumble but at that point, I didn't care anymore about the family business that gives us 7 figures + monthly. He knows that the business is my idea. I learnt it for 7 years before we started. Till date, I bring in the biggest chunk of the income because he handles some clients while I handle some. My clients are the biggest. I believe this is his greatest fear.

Yesterday night, he made me listen to Lionel Richie (I'll rather spend bad times with you, than spend good times with someone else).

If I leave this marriage, I don't see myself getting married again. Highest, I do surrogacy or adoption to have a child. I loved this man with my whole existence before the cookie started to crumble. I won't allow any man make me his ATM.

Right now, I'm in a mess & I need words from matured married Nairalanders.

Thank you in advance

greatcrown:
If I am to go about my idea of marriage then I do not see marriage here but business relationship.

The man is a smart guy!

He used you and still using you to upgrade his financial status which was his reason for coming into the marriage in the first place.

He doesn't want you to go now because of the financial benefit he will lose on you deciding to leave.

Madam, you claim you love him but can you say the same of him?

A man who will beg you in order for him to sleep with your maid because of delay in conception without caring about your emotion is that one husband?

A foolish woman (guess this will wake u up) who will accept any condition just because she believe she is created to please the useless idiot called husband in the pretense of protecting her home or supporting her husband.

My dear woman, if you don't value your life, then continue to stay in the marriage because the guy is good in bed. The only hing I see you love here is the man bedmatics.

It's just a matter of time, he will get everything in place to kill you.

I hope before that time comes you will realise that your "mumu" don do.

Ishilove:
Sarah did

timwudz:
O deep.. it's easy for a woman to get over a guy that cheats but very very hard for a man to get over a Lady, his wife that cheats on him... the banging and the moans will hurt him... he'll start imagining all the styles, how u were begging for more from him.. even compare his dick size to his.. maybe he never got the courage to ask u but I'm sure he'd love to ask if he can




Ma'am, tell it to Jesus, he will help u.. don't tell no Pastor, they probably going to make it worse.. matters like this are directed towards God..


goodluck

Oyindidi:
Lol, no woman will give her maid to her husband. Fake story

Ishilove:
Weird and terribly abnormal

sisisioge:
Madam...your husband will one day come home with a biological baby. Try to spend your money on surrogacy and have another child. This is with assumption that you intend to continue to stay with him. It is well o, everything just dey scattered these days.

sadsad:
I hope this is the right section for this.
If not, MODs can help place it in the right section.


Mature advice needed!!!!
Married for 10 years now, have an adopted daughter due to fertility issues.
Everything was going on well until I needed to get a maid to assist with house chores temporarily due to my change of work schedules which warranted longer tedious hours outside the home. Moreover I needed someone to help look after my child when she returns from nursery class when I'm not around during the day.

In March 2016, I got a maid but my husband called me aside one day & said he observed how I shield the maid from getting close to him in the house & that he as the man of the house is not 'free' in his own house. He went further to say, my actions prove I'm suspecting he will want to have something to do with the maid.

For the 1st time in my marriage of 8 years then, my husband & I had a very heated argument that he threatened me by saying if I decide to send her away, I must also leave.
I replied him that if I should leave, I will go with at least half of what I brought into this marriage, not all o! So that people won't say I'm a bad person, so I'll go with at least half.
I had met him earning 6k monthly in 2002 & I introduced my business idea to him which we now run jointly as a family business. By the Grace of God, we earn comfortably that he has now become the bread winner in his own family. His Siblings look up to him constantly for financial help.
My inheritances gotten on two occasions from my late grandparents & parents, were used to buy & build our first property in the outskirts of Lagos. I went further to sell my first car to Roof the building because I realised he is not a futuristic person & he is not financially empowered enough to get a property so I felt since we are husband & wife, why not I assist financially to ensure his head is lifted up continually. Between last year December & today, I gave him another 7 figures to purchase a building in his hometown so that we can have a place to retire to. Then the first building in Lagos will be put up for rent.

When he realised I was serious with my counter-threat on the maid issue, he relaxed & travelled the next day to see his Mom.
While in his hometown, he called me & said his Mom's Pastor gave his Mom a revelation that I (her Son's wife) should stop all medical interventions for now & wait for God's time to give us one biological child.

I foolishly (well, submissively) accepted. Only for him to come back from the trip & cajoled me to accept him to have s.x with the maid so that she can give us a biological child.
Readers, my life started falling into pieces from that day.

After some weeks, he begged me to go lodge in a hotel to spend the night there so that he can have his way with the maid in our home. Ha!!!! I refused but he blackmailed me by saying, I do know he has been treated & certified medically OK so I am the one with the issue that has caused delays for years. Also, the revelation that I should stop all medical interventions ( we've done sooooo many medical interventions in these years of waiting, all to no avail).

I accepted to go to the hotel, which he paid for. This happened on 3 different occasions within the space of 1 month plus.
A day to the day I'll go to the hotel to stay, I'll be sooo moody & irritated that he will say (why am I blocking his chances of having his biological child after I've wasted many years of his life childless. Our adopted child is from is his late relative, so he still needs his own direct blood.

I would go for business meetings & sometimes take bike (okada) to journey Long distances so as to meet up to close deals, only for me to come back into the house to meet him & the maid alone in the house while my daughter will be playing with her mates in the neighbor's apartment.
He would return home before noon & they'll spend the day together. I forgot something at home one day & decided to go back to pick it up, by the time I left the house & them inside, I was devastated that day, I was depressed, I became almost insane & emotionally imbalanced. I didn't know I was talking to myself on my way out on the road, a neighbour tapped my shoulder from behind & I was jolted back to realise I was on the road trekking a wrong direction to my office.

After about 5 months, I started chatting daily with someone I met via social media, we started out as having same investment orientation, from there we became close on phone via WhatsApp, we would discuss family issues, marital issues, financial issues & all sorts. I realised he was someone I could talk to easily & pour out my heart to. I was also his phone companion. We didn't meet physically until 4 months after. We met & had s.x in 2017 after so much togetherness on phone.

I felt guilty because I never had s.x with any other man aside my husband for over 9 years +. My husband had been suspecting me & confronted me with proofs of my infidelity. He reported me to my Aunt. I told my Aunt (in his presence) what I went thru in his hands during the maid issues, she blamed both of us & kinda settled the issues.

The maid got pregnant & it had a complication because according to the doctor, she took some substances to abort the pregnancy. I had mixed feelings when she lost the pregnancy. Sad, that I had lost the opportunity to finally make my husband a father. She left after the evacuation & never returned.
My husband became sober & scared all thru the pregnancy complication issues because he was worried she could die & the law will be after him. I had to help him make sure she was well taken care of in a good clinic & prayed & fasted for everything to end well.

I got another maid because my clients were giving me more contracts to work on & this time, this new maid herself decided to leave on the grounds that my husband threatened to kill her if she doesn't have s x with him. She had to call the agent that brought her to come take her away, next day. My husband denied all allegations even till today.

I decided, no more maids.

Just two days ago, I refused him s.x because he accused me of still cheating. He says anytime he sees me 'holding my phone', he will have a recall of my infidelity episode & he'll get terribly infuriated. He will say I have gone to do it with someone else so I don't want him. He has beaten me on several occasions & I have told him that I have severed the relationship & communication between I and the guy. I have also proven this to him but he wouldn't understand. I get his point but his insecurity feelings is toooo much. He would threaten me & beat me. In 2017, I had to write to Ministry of Women Affairs in Alausa but I told them not to take action yet because he later apologized. I gave him a copy of the letter I wrote to Alausa. The ministry called to check up on me & u assured them all us well now. Ever since I dropped the letter, he never beats me again but he would threaten me emotionally & psychologically.

When he realised I was going to leave the marriage, he begged & begged me. Saying I should know that he can never carry out his threat, that we've been together since 2001 as friends before marriage so I should be able to tell what he's capable of.

He also indirectly said if I leave, the business will crumble but at that point, I didn't care anymore about the family business that gives us 7 figures + monthly. He knows that the business is my idea. I learnt it for 7 years before we started. Till date, I bring in the biggest chunk of the income because he handles some clients while I handle some. My clients are the biggest. I believe this is his greatest fear.

Yesterday night, he made me listen to Lionel Richie (I'll rather spend bad times with you, than spend good times with someone else).

If I leave this marriage, I don't see myself getting married again. Highest, I do surrogacy or adoption to have a child. I loved this man with my whole existence before the cookie started to crumble. I won't allow any man make me his ATM.

Right now, I'm in a mess & I need words from matured married Nairalanders.

Thank you in advance

sadsad:
I hope this is the right section for this.
If not, MODs can help place it in the right section.


Mature advice needed!!!!
Married for 10 years now, have an adopted daughter due to fertility issues.
Everything was going on well until I needed to get a maid to assist with house chores temporarily due to my change of work schedules which warranted longer tedious hours outside the home. Moreover I needed someone to help look after my child when she returns from nursery class when I'm not around during the day.

In March 2016, I got a maid but my husband called me aside one day & said he observed how I shield the maid from getting close to him in the house & that he as the man of the house is not 'free' in his own house. He went further to say, my actions prove I'm suspecting he will want to have something to do with the maid.

For the 1st time in my marriage of 8 years then, my husband & I had a very heated argument that he threatened me by saying if I decide to send her away, I must also leave.
I replied him that if I should leave, I will go with at least half of what I brought into this marriage, not all o! So that people won't say I'm a bad person, so I'll go with at least half.
I had met him earning 6k monthly in 2002 & I introduced my business idea to him which we now run jointly as a family business. By the Grace of God, we earn comfortably that he has now become the bread winner in his own family. His Siblings look up to him constantly for financial help.
My inheritances gotten on two occasions from my late grandparents & parents, were used to buy & build our first property in the outskirts of Lagos. I went further to sell my first car to Roof the building because I realised he is not a futuristic person & he is not financially empowered enough to get a property so I felt since we are husband & wife, why not I assist financially to ensure his head is lifted up continually. Between last year December & today, I gave him another 7 figures to purchase a building in his hometown so that we can have a place to retire to. Then the first building in Lagos will be put up for rent.

When he realised I was serious with my counter-threat on the maid issue, he relaxed & travelled the next day to see his Mom.
While in his hometown, he called me & said his Mom's Pastor gave his Mom a revelation that I (her Son's wife) should stop all medical interventions for now & wait for God's time to give us one biological child.

I foolishly (well, submissively) accepted. Only for him to come back from the trip & cajoled me to accept him to have s.x with the maid so that she can give us a biological child.
Readers, my life started falling into pieces from that day.

After some weeks, he begged me to go lodge in a hotel to spend the night there so that he can have his way with the maid in our home. Ha!!!! I refused but he blackmailed me by saying, I do know he has been treated & certified medically OK so I am the one with the issue that has caused delays for years. Also, the revelation that I should stop all medical interventions ( we've done sooooo many medical interventions in these years of waiting, all to no avail).

I accepted to go to the hotel, which he paid for. This happened on 3 different occasions within the space of 1 month plus.
A day to the day I'll go to the hotel to stay, I'll be sooo moody & irritated that he will say (why am I blocking his chances of having his biological child after I've wasted many years of his life childless. Our adopted child is from is his late relative, so he still needs his own direct blood.

I would go for business meetings & sometimes take bike (okada) to journey Long distances so as to meet up to close deals, only for me to come back into the house to meet him & the maid alone in the house while my daughter will be playing with her mates in the neighbor's apartment.
He would return home before noon & they'll spend the day together. I forgot something at home one day & decided to go back to pick it up, by the time I left the house & them inside, I was devastated that day, I was depressed, I became almost insane & emotionally imbalanced. I didn't know I was talking to myself on my way out on the road, a neighbour tapped my shoulder from behind & I was jolted back to realise I was on the road trekking a wrong direction to my office.

After about 5 months, I started chatting daily with someone I met via social media, we started out as having same investment orientation, from there we became close on phone via WhatsApp, we would discuss family issues, marital issues, financial issues & all sorts. I realised he was someone I could talk to easily & pour out my heart to. I was also his phone companion. We didn't meet physically until 4 months after. We met & had s.x in 2017 after so much togetherness on phone.

I felt guilty because I never had s.x with any other man aside my husband for over 9 years +. My husband had been suspecting me & confronted me with proofs of my infidelity. He reported me to my Aunt. I told my Aunt (in his presence) what I went thru in his hands during the maid issues, she blamed both of us & kinda settled the issues.

The maid got pregnant & it had a complication because according to the doctor, she took some substances to abort the pregnancy. I had mixed feelings when she lost the pregnancy. Sad, that I had lost the opportunity to finally make my husband a father. She left after the evacuation & never returned.
My husband became sober & scared all thru the pregnancy complication issues because he was worried she could die & the law will be after him. I had to help him make sure she was well taken care of in a good clinic & prayed & fasted for everything to end well.

I got another maid because my clients were giving me more contracts to work on & this time, this new maid herself decided to leave on the grounds that my husband threatened to kill her if she doesn't have s x with him. She had to call the agent that brought her to come take her away, next day. My husband denied all allegations even till today.

I decided, no more maids.

Just two days ago, I refused him s.x because he accused me of still cheating. He says anytime he sees me 'holding my phone', he will have a recall of my infidelity episode & he'll get terribly infuriated. He will say I have gone to do it with someone else so I don't want him. He has beaten me on several occasions & I have told him that I have severed the relationship & communication between I and the guy. I have also proven this to him but he wouldn't understand. I get his point but his insecurity feelings is toooo much. He would threaten me & beat me. In 2017, I had to write to Ministry of Women Affairs in Alausa but I told them not to take action yet because he later apologized. I gave him a copy of the letter I wrote to Alausa. The ministry called to check up on me & u assured them all us well now. Ever since I dropped the letter, he never beats me again but he would threaten me emotionally & psychologically.

When he realised I was going to leave the marriage, he begged & begged me. Saying I should know that he can never carry out his threat, that we've been together since 2001 as friends before marriage so I should be able to tell what he's capable of.

He also indirectly said if I leave, the business will crumble but at that point, I didn't care anymore about the family business that gives us 7 figures + monthly. He knows that the business is my idea. I learnt it for 7 years before we started. Till date, I bring in the biggest chunk of the income because he handles some clients while I handle some. My clients are the biggest. I believe this is his greatest fear.

Yesterday night, he made me listen to Lionel Richie (I'll rather spend bad times with you, than spend good times with someone else).

If I leave this marriage, I don't see myself getting married again. Highest, I do surrogacy or adoption to have a child. I loved this man with my whole existence before the cookie started to crumble. I won't allow any man make me his ATM.

Right now, I'm in a mess & I need words from matured married Nairalanders.

Thank you in advance

sadsad:
I hope this is the right section for this.
If not, MODs can help place it in the right section.


Mature advice needed!!!!
Married for 10 years now, have an adopted daughter due to fertility issues.
Everything was going on well until I needed to get a maid to assist with house chores temporarily due to my change of work schedules which warranted longer tedious hours outside the home. Moreover I needed someone to help look after my child when she returns from nursery class when I'm not around during the day.

In March 2016, I got a maid but my husband called me aside one day & said he observed how I shield the maid from getting close to him in the house & that he as the man of the house is not 'free' in his own house. He went further to say, my actions prove I'm suspecting he will want to have something to do with the maid.

For the 1st time in my marriage of 8 years then, my husband & I had a very heated argument that he threatened me by saying if I decide to send her away, I must also leave.
I replied him that if I should leave, I will go with at least half of what I brought into this marriage, not all o! So that people won't say I'm a bad person, so I'll go with at least half.
I had met him earning 6k monthly in 2002 & I introduced my business idea to him which we now run jointly as a family business. By the Grace of God, we earn comfortably that he has now become the bread winner in his own family. His Siblings look up to him constantly for financial help.
My inheritances gotten on two occasions from my late grandparents & parents, were used to buy & build our first property in the outskirts of Lagos. I went further to sell my first car to Roof the building because I realised he is not a futuristic person & he is not financially empowered enough to get a property so I felt since we are husband & wife, why not I assist financially to ensure his head is lifted up continually. Between last year December & today, I gave him another 7 figures to purchase a building in his hometown so that we can have a place to retire to. Then the first building in Lagos will be put up for rent.

When he realised I was serious with my counter-threat on the maid issue, he relaxed & travelled the next day to see his Mom.
While in his hometown, he called me & said his Mom's Pastor gave his Mom a revelation that I (her Son's wife) should stop all medical interventions for now & wait for God's time to give us one biological child.

I foolishly (well, submissively) accepted. Only for him to come back from the trip & cajoled me to accept him to have s.x with the maid so that she can give us a biological child.
Readers, my life started falling into pieces from that day.

After some weeks, he begged me to go lodge in a hotel to spend the night there so that he can have his way with the maid in our home. Ha!!!! I refused but he blackmailed me by saying, I do know he has been treated & certified medically OK so I am the one with the issue that has caused delays for years. Also, the revelation that I should stop all medical interventions ( we've done sooooo many medical interventions in these years of waiting, all to no avail).

I accepted to go to the hotel, which he paid for. This happened on 3 different occasions within the space of 1 month plus.
A day to the day I'll go to the hotel to stay, I'll be sooo moody & irritated that he will say (why am I blocking his chances of having his biological child after I've wasted many years of his life childless. Our adopted child is from is his late relative, so he still needs his own direct blood.

I would go for business meetings & sometimes take bike (okada) to journey Long distances so as to meet up to close deals, only for me to come back into the house to meet him & the maid alone in the house while my daughter will be playing with her mates in the neighbor's apartment.
He would return home before noon & they'll spend the day together. I forgot something at home one day & decided to go back to pick it up, by the time I left the house & them inside, I was devastated that day, I was depressed, I became almost insane & emotionally imbalanced. I didn't know I was talking to myself on my way out on the road, a neighbour tapped my shoulder from behind & I was jolted back to realise I was on the road trekking a wrong direction to my office.

After about 5 months, I started chatting daily with someone I met via social media, we started out as having same investment orientation, from there we became close on phone via WhatsApp, we would discuss family issues, marital issues, financial issues & all sorts. I realised he was someone I could talk to easily & pour out my heart to. I was also his phone companion. We didn't meet physically until 4 months after. We met & had s.x in 2017 after so much togetherness on phone.

I felt guilty because I never had s.x with any other man aside my husband for over 9 years +. My husband had been suspecting me & confronted me with proofs of my infidelity. He reported me to my Aunt. I told my Aunt (in his presence) what I went thru in his hands during the maid issues, she blamed both of us & kinda settled the issues.

The maid got pregnant & it had a complication because according to the doctor, she took some substances to abort the pregnancy. I had mixed feelings when she lost the pregnancy. Sad, that I had lost the opportunity to finally make my husband a father. She left after the evacuation & never returned.
My husband became sober & scared all thru the pregnancy complication issues because he was worried she could die & the law will be after him. I had to help him make sure she was well taken care of in a good clinic & prayed & fasted for everything to end well.

I got another maid because my clients were giving me more contracts to work on & this time, this new maid herself decided to leave on the grounds that my husband threatened to kill her if she doesn't have s x with him. She had to call the agent that brought her to come take her away, next day. My husband denied all allegations even till today.

I decided, no more maids.

Just two days ago, I refused him s.x because he accused me of still cheating. He says anytime he sees me 'holding my phone', he will have a recall of my infidelity episode & he'll get terribly infuriated. He will say I have gone to do it with someone else so I don't want him. He has beaten me on several occasions & I have told him that I have severed the relationship & communication between I and the guy. I have also proven this to him but he wouldn't understand. I get his point but his insecurity feelings is toooo much. He would threaten me & beat me. In 2017, I had to write to Ministry of Women Affairs in Alausa but I told them not to take action yet because he later apologized. I gave him a copy of the letter I wrote to Alausa. The ministry called to check up on me & u assured them all us well now. Ever since I dropped the letter, he never beats me again but he would threaten me emotionally & psychologically.

When he realised I was going to leave the marriage, he begged & begged me. Saying I should know that he can never carry out his threat, that we've been together since 2001 as friends before marriage so I should be able to tell what he's capable of.

He also indirectly said if I leave, the business will crumble but at that point, I didn't care anymore about the family business that gives us 7 figures + monthly. He knows that the business is my idea. I learnt it for 7 years before we started. Till date, I bring in the biggest chunk of the income because he handles some clients while I handle some. My clients are the biggest. I believe this is his greatest fear.

Yesterday night, he made me listen to Lionel Richie (I'll rather spend bad times with you, than spend good times with someone else).

If I leave this marriage, I don't see myself getting married again. Highest, I do surrogacy or adoption to have a child. I loved this man with my whole existence before the cookie started to crumble. I won't allow any man make me his ATM.

Right now, I'm in a mess & I need words from matured married Nairalanders.

Thank you in advance

greatcrown:
If I am to go about my idea of marriage then I do not see marriage here but business relationship.

The man is a smart guy!

He used you and still using you to upgrade his financial status which was his reason for coming into the marriage in the first place.

He doesn't want you to go now because of the financial benefit he will lose on you deciding to leave.

Madam, you claim you love him but can you say the same of him?

A man who will beg you in order for him to sleep with your maid because of delay in conception without caring about your emotion is that one husband?

A foolish woman (guess this will wake u up) who will accept any condition just because she believe she is created to please the useless idiot called husband in the pretense of protecting her home or supporting her husband.

My dear woman, if you don't value your life, then continue to stay in the marriage because the guy is good in bed. The only hing I see you love here is the man bedmatics.

It's just a matter of time, he will get everything in place to kill you.

I hope before that time comes you will realise that your "mumu" don do.

baby124:
You are a very stupid woman and deserve everything you see in that marriage. What a stupid story. You put a helpless and vulnerable young girl in such a position with a monster. She was obviously raped and abused repeatedly for her to do an abortion behind the both of you. Your desperation to have a child made you put another person’s child in danger. When that one ran away, you still brought in a new one. Knowing fully well what she will face.

You are a very wicked woman. As you are with that monster of a husband, God will never give you the child you were supposed to have. Because he will rape them and you will cover it up and still stay with him. Very stupid woman with a stupid story. Tufiakwa.

greatcrown:
If I am to go about my idea of marriage then I do not see marriage here but business relationship.

The man is a smart guy!

He used you and still using you to upgrade his financial status which was his reason for coming into the marriage in the first place.

He doesn't want you to go now because of the financial benefit he will lose on you deciding to leave.

Madam, you claim you love him but can you say the same of him?

A man who will beg you in order for him to sleep with your maid because of delay in conception without caring about your emotion is that one husband?

A foolish woman (guess this will wake u up) who will accept any condition just because she believe she is created to please the useless idiot called husband in the pretense of protecting her home or supporting her husband.

My dear woman, if you don't value your life, then continue to stay in the marriage because the guy is good in bed. The only hing I see you love here is the man bedmatics.

It's just a matter of time, he will get everything in place to kill you.

I hope before that time comes you will realise that your "mumu" don do.