₦airaland Forum

Purehuman:
Those commenters that said visiting your mum without informing you isn't an issue do not understand basic family etiquette. The man is the eye of his extended family while the wife is the eye of hers, you should contact him before making a move. Him not knowing about your move is undermining the person of the man which is not right.

ArcSEMPECJ:
Bro,..there are two ways to handle issues,..either you go looking for solutions to restructure it or you look for a solution to destroy it,...I will a advice for restructuring,..call your MIL that you will like to see her for a family meeting,..then sit her down and your wife and narrate what you just said over here,..then As the chairman of the meeting throw out these solutions I mentioned up there and ask them which one to choose,...that will make you a man you are rather than causing wars or beating up somebody,..it makes you more of a weakling that I believe you don't want to be,...

Dcholeric:
weak men should not be allowed to procreate ..

Gloriagee:
Dude, ko ye mi. Why on earth does ur MIL need to tell u she's going to see ur mum for? Can't ur mum give u that update? So someone must announce a good deed before doing that.

You are making a good deed seem like a disfavor. You guys were bereaved n she went to commiserate with ur mum, u dey vex. What's her crime?

Heebah:
Exactly my thoughts. Op,why r u angry about her action?

nkwuocha:
The op is petty!

kapelvej:
But I believe I have let so many things go, I have forgiven everything that needs to be forgiven, why can't they respect me for that, rather they see it as weakness. On a good day, there should be no problem at all when my MIL visits my parents. I said she has been avoiding my for over a year now, because she was caught red-handed in trying to use her pastor to manipulate me, she actually told her pastor to tell me it does not matter, but the PASTOR simply told her issues of infidelity must not be swept under the carpet. The man was so angry and told me to be careful this was after the man tried to arrange a meeting between all of us. From that same time my MIL, STOPPED attending that church and has been avoiding me. Thank God the man stood his ground.
Also, the reason for going without telling me amounts to undermining. She said she did not tell me because I will not allow her... This is where the problem lies. why do it when you know I will not allow it.

kapelvej:
But I believe I have let so many things go, I have forgiven everything that needs to be forgiven, why can't they respect me for that, rather they see it as weakness. On a good day, there should be no problem at all when my MIL visits my parents. I said she has been avoiding my for over a year now, because she was caught red-handed in trying to use her pastor to manipulate me, she actually told her pastor to tell me it does not matter, but the PASTOR simply told her issues of infidelity must not be swept under the carpet. The man was so angry and told me to be careful this was after the man tried to arrange a meeting between all of us. From that same time my MIL, STOPPED attending that church and has been avoiding me. Thank God the man stood his ground.
Also, the reason for going without telling me amounts to undermining. She said she did not tell me because I will not allow her... This is where the problem lies. why do it when you know I will not allow it.

kapelvej:
But I believe I have let so many things go, I have forgiven everything that needs to be forgiven, why can't they respect me for that, rather they see it as weakness. On a good day, there should be no problem at all when my MIL visits my parents. I said she has been avoiding my for over a year now, because she was caught red-handed in trying to use her pastor to manipulate me, she actually told her pastor to tell me it does not matter, but the PASTOR simply told her issues of infidelity must not be swept under the carpet. The man was so angry and told me to be careful this was after the man tried to arrange a meeting between all of us. From that same time my MIL, STOPPED attending that church and has been avoiding me. Thank God the man stood his ground.
Also, the reason for going without telling me amounts to undermining. She said she did not tell me because I will not allow her... This is where the problem lies. why do it when you know I will not allow it.

kapelvej:
After the slap, wait for the Norwegian police to come with a trailer load of police men, you dare not even insult your wife. If you slap her, like 6 policemen will be there with you.

uckennety:
Is this in Nigeria or aboard

If it's aboard kindly run away!if migrate to another country

kapelvej:
Oslo Norway

Gloriagee:
Bro, I'm truly sorry about the issues you're facing in your marriage and I'm not going to pretend that I have all the answers.

I truly believe that you have been wounded and that you have to start the process of healing yourself and then the marriage cos if u don't, both of you will keep hurting each other. Not because you're mean but because hurting people hurt people.

I sort of can see why u feel slighted if ur MIL did not commiserate with you but commiserated with ur mum. Somehow, I missed that in ur initial post, but it's sort of irrelevant to me. Since the woman is as toxic as u say, isn't it better she's keeping interactions to the barest minimum. But if u feel strongly bout what she did, u can tell ur wife how slighted you feel even in a lighthearted manner. Truly I prefer passing info to in-laws thru the connecting spouse and ur wife should be able to handle it.

I really don't see why the Pastor should go on to tell you what the mum said and however she went wrong. I may be wrong though. His business is to pass on his message according to the gospel and as his conscience permiits whilst facilitating reconciliation. What he did is in bad taste. Nowadays people can't confide in pastors as u end up becoming laughing stocks and gossip topics.

My summary is this - work on ur marriage, please forgive and FORGET her infidelity. This is easier said than done, though. Stop making ur MIL so powerful. Ignore her and have a heart to heart with wife bout what triggered the infidelity - sexual dissatisfaction or emotional distance. If it's the former try to learn her sexual preferences and if it's the second, practice the art of empathy.

I truly wish u the best

nkwuocha:
I understand but you should behave like a man. When you start confronting women's childish and cunny attitude, you begin to behave like them.

Avoiding you is also a way of showing shame. Take that as your own revenge. People run away from those they suffer defeat from.

Put your family together.

Heebah:
Am really sorry about what u r going through,it must be an emotional trauma. What do u want to do now about ur wife cos i feel dat is d most important it,she is d one u r married to not her mom. If u r able to stand and make her know u r d man of the house i think u r astep towards finding a solution to d problem. I wish u best of luck

uckennety:
Run go Canada ooooooo

kapelvej:
But I believe I have let so many things go, I have forgiven everything that needs to be forgiven, why can't they respect me for that, rather they see it as weakness. On a good day, there should be no problem at all when my MIL visits my parents. I said she has been avoiding my for over a year now, because she was caught red-handed in trying to use her pastor to manipulate me, she actually told her pastor to tell me it does not matter, but the PASTOR simply told her issues of infidelity must not be swept under the carpet. The man was so angry and told me to be careful this was after the man tried to arrange a meeting between all of us. From that same time my MIL, STOPPED attending that church and has been avoiding me. Thank God the man stood his ground.
Also, the reason for going without telling me amounts to undermining. She said she did not tell me because I will not allow her... This is where the problem lies. why do it when you know I will not allow it.

Lexusgs430:
From your simply explanation, I can deduce that you seem to like to talk and type too much, but lack the final bullet.

That is why your wife and MIL are undermining you.......

Then don see you finish.......

kapelvej:
Please be serious. I have kids, they believe so much in me, they run to me each time our mother (I mean my wife ) goes on a rampage. I can allow her mess up with me, but not with the kids, because even if the police comes, they give preference to children, then women. They don't care about men, you can almost never be right as a man when it comes to domestic violence.

kapelvej:

Lexusgs430:
You know I am right and I don't even know you or meet you before.....

An analysis of your initial story and subsequent replies, have painted a wider picture (call it forensic analysis)......

kapelvej:
My brother, thanks for your in sight. I have tried to speak with her on several occasions. She always gets angry, the only way to peace is for her to have her way every time and all times, without this, the house is usually turned to a war zone. Any attempt to instill some reason is met with threat of divorce. The reason I think is because I once told her while were dating that I don't want my kids to be raised by a single parent.