₦airaland Forum

Oga, your wife doesn't have iota of respect for you. You cause this, it's your fault. It is not too late anyway, you can make amend.

You expect woman to reason the same way you do, women love man that command respect, you don't force it, you just make it happen, you're acting like a pu.sssy to your wife and she sees you like one.

Start from here, whenever you're talking to her and she's busy pressing her phone, take the phone from her and smash it on the floor. Pls don't ever raise your hands on your wife.

If worse comes to worse, let her go. The only weapon you have as a man is ability to walk away. You're emotionally stressed. Don't call her. You

kapelvej:
Hello all, I will try and make this simple.We have been married for 6 years and two children, unfortunately there have been very few times we have enjoyed peace, I have done everything I could to make her happy, but non has ever worked.

She insults me anytime anywhere and she does not just care, her mother and brother sometimes chastise her, but she does not just listen, her mother however recently has been agreeing to anything she says or do, even with her other siblings no matter who is wrong(this is because she got a job lately and has been satisfying her mother financially). In fairness to her, she also disrespects every single person in her family, not just me alone. Also in fairness to her mum, (her mum) and her family members sometimes think I am too soft on her.

Well again in fairness to her , she exhibited these signs right from day one, not just to me but to everybody even her mother and elder ones. I explained this to the elders of the church, but they said she will change after the marriage.

Meanwhile while we were dating, there was a time I ended the affair because of her cynical behavior, and she came to beg and promised to change. I forgave her after like one month. But then, it only lasted for a while.

Many different things have happened since the marriage, even flirtatious activities, but not adultery, I have tried to handle and forgive those things.

Presently I am working in a different city, and we had a little misunderstanding and she started insulting me as usual and hung up on me. This is what she does regularly, but each time, I will be the one to call back because, I felt I should take the initiative and also because of the kids. I have told her to stop hanging up on me and insulting me on the phone. So, This time around, I refused to call her, and it has been like this for 2 months now, she refused to call as well. To worsen everything, I lost a close family member, just before this problem, she does not just seem to care. We have been like that since the past two months. Something tells me that with this kind of behaviour, she might as well have moved on, please what do you all think.

Anything we have misundertsanding , even when I try to resolve the issue, she will be busy with her phone, no matter how late it is, then immediately she drops the phone, she says she wants to sleep, and that is all.

NB. For this six years, I have been the only person working, so this is not a a case of her being the bread winner. She just got a job 5 months ago.

Let her go. She's no good

With the job and unruliness, it's only gonna get worse.

move on with ur life bro

she will change wen una marry,c y yo,u shud av ran wen u c dis tinz since,n now she don use mariage tk tie u,bad character is like a bursted tyre,if u dont change it,it will rmain like dat....

kapelvej:
Hello all, I will try and make this simple.We have been married for 6 years and two children, unfortunately there have been very few times we have enjoyed peace, I have done everything I could to make her happy, but non has ever worked.

She insults me anytime anywhere and she does not just care, her mother and brother sometimes chastise her, but she does not just listen, her mother however recently has been agreeing to anything she says or do, even with her other siblings no matter who is wrong(this is because she got a job lately and has been satisfying her mother financially). In fairness to her, she also disrespects every single person in her family, not just me alone. Also in fairness to her mum, (her mum) and her family members sometimes think I am too soft on her.

Well again in fairness to her , she exhibited these signs right from day one, not just to me but to everybody even her mother and elder ones. I explained this to the elders of the church, but they said she will change after the marriage.

Meanwhile while we were dating, there was a time I ended the affair because of her cynical behavior, and she came to beg and promised to change. I forgave her after like one month. But then, it only lasted for a while.

Many different things have happened since the marriage, even flirtatious activities, but not adultery, I have tried to handle and forgive those things.

Presently I am working in a different city, and we had a little misunderstanding and she started insulting me as usual and hung up on me. This is what she does regularly, but each time, I will be the one to call back because, I felt I should take the initiative and also because of the kids. I have told her to stop hanging up on me and insulting me on the phone. So, This time around, I refused to call her, and it has been like this for 2 months now, she refused to call as well. To worsen everything, I lost a close family member, just before this problem, she does not just seem to care. We have been like that since the past two months. Something tells me that with this kind of behaviour, she might as well have moved on, please what do you all think.

Anything we have misundertsanding , even when I try to resolve the issue, she will be busy with her phone, no matter how late it is, then immediately she drops the phone, she says she wants to sleep, and that is all.

NB. For this six years, I have been the only person working, so this is not a a case of her being the bread winner. She just got a job 5 months ago.

You can only change a growing child and make him/her a better person. But you can never change an adult, you only learn to manage him/her.

@Emboldened, you were misled.

kapelvej:
Hello all, I will try and make this simple.We have been married for 6 years and two children, unfortunately there have been very few times we have enjoyed peace, I have done everything I could to make her happy, but non has ever worked.

She insults me anytime anywhere and she does not just care, her mother and brother sometimes chastise her, but she does not just listen, her mother however recently has been agreeing to anything she says or do, even with her other siblings no matter who is wrong(this is because she got a job lately and has been satisfying her mother financially). In fairness to her, she also disrespects every single person in her family, not just me alone. Also in fairness to her mum, (her mum) and her family members sometimes think I am too soft on her.

Well again in fairness to her , she exhibited these signs right from day one, not just to me but to everybody even her mother and elder ones. I explained this to the elders of the church, but they said she will change after the marriage.

Meanwhile while we were dating, there was a time I ended the affair because of her cynical behavior, and she came to beg and promised to change. I forgave her after like one month. But then, it only lasted for a while.

Many different things have happened since the marriage, even flirtatious activities, but not adultery, I have tried to handle and forgive those things.

Presently I am working in a different city, and we had a little misunderstanding and she started insulting me as usual and hung up on me. This is what she does regularly, but each time, I will be the one to call back because, I felt I should take the initiative and also because of the kids. I have told her to stop hanging up on me and insulting me on the phone. So, This time around, I refused to call her, and it has been like this for 2 months now, she refused to call as well. To worsen everything, I lost a close family member, just before this problem, she does not just seem to care. We have been like that since the past two months. Something tells me that with this kind of behaviour, she might as well have moved on, please what do you all think.

Anything we have misundertsanding , even when I try to resolve the issue, she will be busy with her phone, no matter how late it is, then immediately she drops the phone, she says she wants to sleep, and that is all.

NB. For this six years, I have been the only person working, so this is not a a case of her being the bread winner. She just got a job 5 months ago.

OP answer me is she from Imo state? Cos mostly owwerri ladies exhibit this character

kapelvej:
Thanks

Don't just say thanks!!!
Her piece of advice is d best I have seen so far outta d comments!!
Ur d Man!!! Man Up!!!

kapelvej:
Gosh, I forgot to talk about this part, I know some one will raise it up. I will just go back and modify the post. Well again in fairness to her , she exhibited these signs right from day one, not just to me but to everybody even her mother and elder ones. I explained this to the elders of the church, but they said she will change after the marriage.

Meanwhile while we were dating, there was a time I ended the affair because of her cynical behavior, and she came to beg and promised to change. I forgave her after like one month. But then, it only lasted for a while.

wit due respect sir, u are not married provided that all u said is the undiluted truth

My brother....in fairness I put d blame on you....why because you saw d sign but you decided to go ahead with d marriage... Its shows you can be easily manipulated..... How can people from d church cajoled you she will change after marriage? Na wa for you oo!!

Another one that may join the ancestors soon?

Marriage ain't all it's meant to be.

Welcome to 21st century.

.

Forever is a long time.

I know how hard it is to break emotional connections but walahi, this life is simply a cycle of living different people at different times.

You will get over her.

You will find someone else.

True indifference is the key to mind games, since your wife knows you are more invested emotionally than she is.

Keep nothing (nobody) in your life that you cannot walk out on if you spot the heat around the corner.

Divorce is not bad because it never happens to good marriages. You may be scared someone else will enjoy her punny and that's why you want to hold on... But sweet punny isn't worth drama. God strengthen you. Go out and find the one that'll cherish you not endure you.

P.s. if she's flirting, take it as cheating. Women operate on "catch me red-handed or I will never ever confess".. Even the bible said if you think something in your heart it's as good as you doing it (lust).

#BitchesAintShit

The earlier you divorce the better for you, 6 years into marriage with kids, and she's acting like that?, you've your life to live bro, you only live once, remember that

kapelvej:
Gosh, I forgot to talk about this part, I know some one will raise it up. I will just go back and modify the post. Well again in fairness to her , she exhibited these signs right from day one, not just to me but to everybody even her mother and elder ones. I explained this to the elders of the church, but they said she will change after the marriage.

Meanwhile while we were dating, there was a time I ended the affair because of her cynical behavior, and she came to beg and promised to change. I forgave her after like one month. But then, it only lasted for a while.

You saw all those signs earlier and still listened to your churc elders and married her.

Now, she is worse and may even be worst in near future. She is rude and may raise your kids to be rude if care is not taken.

Go back and keep being the peace maker that you are. so, you can be there to correct and raise your kids.

We cant advice you.., is your cross, carry it.

DonPikko:
The earlier you divorce the better for you, 6 years into marriage with kids, and she's acting like that?, you've your life to live bro, you only live one, remember that

I disagree with you.

Op brought that upon himself by marrying her, even after seeing the rudeness traits in her.

If op leaves that marriage, what do you think will be the effect on the kids? His wife will raise those kids to be rude and disrespectful. Let him stay there for the sake of those kids.

His bad marriage is his cross, let him carry it..!!

This is how couples will make mistakes in choosing wrongly, Then, the will choose the easy selfish way of opting out or divorce, and allowing innocent kids to suffer.

The trauma of coming from a broken home is not funny, the damages it causes to those kids nko?

Since she has started sorting her mum, why don't you talk to her to intervene, use the grandkids as an angle for her to intervene on the grounds of a bad precedence

eyeview:
Personally, the first question i ask whenever i see such situation is this: Didnt you see these signs when you were dating or where you blinded by something else or where you one of those who think they will change in marriage?

he sawed the signs but got carried away by her moaning,screaming and speaking in tongues

Bros na cee-c typenof person you marry. When tobi comes out in two weeks as him how he dealt with ceec drama.

But seriously, some people are like that, you just avoid and pray for them in your case you are already married. I don't think that lady will contact u tho.

When i saw on ur writeup about some church elders advising u to go ahead and marry her assuring u dat she will change ..even when u saw the signs while dating her..i knew it was finished. For ur information ppl don't change. You were the one who made the error.You saw the signs dat she won't make a good partner but u still went ahead and married her cos of wat some so called elders had to tell u. Well its ur cross sha. U said she's flirticious so wat makes u think she's not having an affairs behind ur back without u being the wiser. Some women are very good in covering their tracks so don't be so sure she ain't having sex with other men. The pinging she does on her phone while she is with u could be her other boyfriends chatting up with her. Sorry for ur predicament sha. If u get married to a bad wife ur lifespan gets shortened by half. Fact of life.

d

greatnaija01:
DID you MARRY HER FOR HER CHARACTER? OR JUST BECAUSE TIME WAS NOT ON YOUR SIDE AND YOU NEEDED TO SETTLE DOWN?

Marriage has to be UNDERSTOOD but its clear your wife and mother OUT law DO not know their place.

you need a FRESH START with your wife... if she is ready BUT If not.. kindly relocate and take care of the kids.... DONT REMARRY.... and do not let anyone know where u STAY.

FIND OUT WHAT WILL SCARE YOUR WIFE..... Or what will make her FEAR U... shouting wont do it... complaining or ranting wont work.... SHOCK HER with an ACTION that shows... she is NEVER to disrespect u again.

if you do this... SHE WILL BE SO HUMBLE and YOUR LOVE WITH HER WILL RETURN.... also VERY VERY IMPORTANTLY- Check your ATTITUDE to her.... she may just be REACTING to how u TREAT HER... and you innocently think you treat her WELL.

see your MARRIAGE COUNSELOR if you had one... else your pastor or an ELDER who will not take sides but CORRECT BOTH OF U

See wisdom!

eyeview:
Personally, the first question i ask whenever i see such situation is this: Didnt you see these signs when you were dating or where you blinded by something else or where you one of those who think they will change in marriage?

Don't mind him, he doesn't no, "She/He will change after marriage" is a language they use to offload damaged goods on an innocent brother or sister.

D problem is, this same people that advice u to go ahead will never accept if their son or daughter was involved.

Word of advice, dump her sorry ass b4 u develop bp cos of her.

N if u like, look for another person to change instead of one whose character matches wat u want.

desiregold:
I disagree with you.

Op brought that upon himself by marrying her, even after seeing the rudeness traits in her.

If op leaves that marriage, what do you think will be the effect on the kids? His wife will raise those kids to be rude and disrespectful. Let him stay there for the sake of those kids.

His bad marriage is his cross, let him carry it..!!

This is how couples will make mistakes in choosing wrongly, Then, the will choose the easy selfish way of opting out or divorce, and allowing innocent kids to suffer.

The trauma of coming from a broken home is not funny, the damages it causes to those kids nko?

see, its better to be divorced from such a toxic woman than to still be with such a woman and end up six feet below. Most men who end up getting married to toxic women hardly live long.most of them end as corpses. Imagine the heartache and trouble the woman will inflict on him for the rest of his life. Being divorced from her doesn't mean he will stop looking after his own kids.if he loves his kids then divorce won't stop him taking care of his kids. He needs to get as far away from her before she kills him.i agree with DonPiiko.

desiregold:
I disagree with you.

Op brought that upon himself by marrying her, even after seeing the rudeness traits in her.

If op leaves that marriage, what do you think will be the effect on the kids? His wife will raise those kids to be rude and disrespectful. Let him stay there for the sake of those kids.

His bad marriage is his cross, let him carry it..!!

This is how couples will make mistakes in choosing wrongly, Then, the will choose the easy selfish way of opting out or divorce, and allowing innocent kids to suffer.

The trauma of coming from a broken home is not funny, the damages it causes to those kids nko?

it might end up violent

desiregold:
You saw all those signs earlier and still listened to your churc elders and married her.

Now, she is worse and may even be worst in near future. She is rude and may raise your kids to be rude if care is not taken.

Go back and keep being the peace maker that you are. so, you can be there to correct and raise your kids.

We cant advice you.., is your cross, carry it.

Take it easy with me, I know I have left many actions un taken

yesloaded:
wit due respect sir, u are not married provided that all u said is the undiluted truth

less than half of the truth

luminouz:
Don't just say thanks!!!
Her piece of advice is d best I have seen so far outta d comments!!
Ur d Man!!! Man Up!!!

hmmmmm

OP, it's perfectly normal.

Just carry your cross. Buy her flowers, wash her panties before she asks you to. Anytime she barks at you, make sure you don't make eye contact, reduce your height, look down sheepishly and profusely apologize. Do this especially if she's in the wrong. But deep inside you know she can't possibly be wrong. You are the one that didn't anticipate what a woman goes through. It's your fault. All of it.

Make sure you fill up the gas tank in her car on Fridays when she goes out with "friends". Of course, you must have detailed it beforehand.

You can ask your Imam/Pastor/Ifa Priest to intervene in case the above is not enough.

+++++++++++

I hope this answer pacifies my collared male fans from the other thread as well as the feminist agitators from the same thread.

pennywys:
OP answer me is she from Imo state? Cos mostly owwerri ladies exhibit this character

no,

kapelvej:
Take it easy with me, I know I have left many actions un taken

Eya, you are right. i shouldnt have been that harsh to you. I'm sorry.

Whatever decision you want to take, Just consider your kids too.

I pray you find a way to handle this your marital issues.

Cheers

you haven't transcended from being a "boyfriend" "fiance" to Head of the House. it seems you haven't done anything extra ordinary to express your anger since you guys met. If you keep exchanging words with her and making up, she'll take it as your normal drama. Guy next time she insults you put a little action in it. as she enters the room to sleep on the bed with you, you tell her to go sleep in another room or place(u do this even if it means getting physical) wake up the following day, see ur kids and do ur duties as a man. You will know if she really wants the marriage when its time for dinner.

Marriage is a trap. Those not into it yet should learn from these stories.

Stay away from marriage and your life will be long.

kapelvej:
Hello all, I will try and make this simple.We have been married for 6 years and two children, unfortunately there have been very few times we have enjoyed peace, I have done everything I could to make her happy, but non has ever worked.

She insults me anytime anywhere and she does not just care, her mother and brother sometimes chastise her, but she does not just listen, her mother however recently has been agreeing to anything she says or do, even with her other siblings no matter who is wrong(this is because she got a job lately and has been satisfying her mother financially). In fairness to her, she also disrespects every single person in her family, not just me alone. Also in fairness to her mum, (her mum) and her family members sometimes think I am too soft on her.

Well again in fairness to her , she exhibited these signs right from day one, not just to me but to everybody even her mother and elder ones. I explained this to the elders of the church, but they said she will change after the marriage.

Meanwhile while we were dating, there was a time I ended the affair because of her cynical behavior, and she came to beg and promised to change. I forgave her after like one month. But then, it only lasted for a while.

Many different things have happened since the marriage, even flirtatious activities, but not adultery, I have tried to handle and forgive those things.

Presently I am working in a different city, and we had a little misunderstanding and she started insulting me as usual and hung up on me. This is what she does regularly, but each time, I will be the one to call back because, I felt I should take the initiative and also because of the kids. I have told her to stop hanging up on me and insulting me on the phone. So, This time around, I refused to call her, and it has been like this for 2 months now, she refused to call as well. To worsen everything, I lost a close family member, just before this problem, she does not just seem to care. We have been like that since the past two months. Something tells me that with this kind of behaviour, she might as well have moved on, please what do you all think.

Anything we have misundertsanding , even when I try to resolve the issue, she will be busy with her phone, no matter how late it is, then immediately she drops the phone, she says she wants to sleep, and that is all.

NB. For this six years, I have been the only person working, so this is not a a case of her being the bread winner. She just got a job 5 months ago.

Like my grandma would always say, son, "A leopard does not change its spots." You knew before you entered into the marriage that she's very disrespectful and mouthy and still you married her. Based on what you said, you've always been the one that break the stalemate and call her each time you quarrel. So, let it me break it down to you.

There's one of two dynamics at play here: [1] Either she is waiting for you to fold like a cheap tulip under a scorching sun as you have always done and call her back and beg or [2] she's found another man that really piques her interest. I must say that in this relationship, you laid the wrong foundation. As a man, you must maintain your integrity as the head of the household.

Aristotle once said, "you're what you repeatedly do," therefore, your falling for her tricks became a habit not an act. Truth be told, no woman trully wants a man [husband] that she can control not withstanding what she must profess openly or publicly. They want a man that they believe can always protect, provide and offer them security when the need arises. No woman wants a sissy for a husband.

When she tested you by waiting for you to cave in and be the one to call first after your arguments, you flunked the test. So, she has lost albeit the little respect she might have had for you. Women are a funny bunch...very diabolical! They never tell you directly what they mean...you always have to play a guessing game or figure them out yourself.