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My Husband Rapes Me - Romance (3) - Nairaland

Nairaland ForumNairaland GeneralRomanceMy Husband Rapes Me (12715 Views)

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Re: My Husband Rapes Me by lovelylad: 5:41pm On Mar 29, 2018
una chat is interesting
Re: My Husband Rapes Me by BdorianGray(m): 10:53am On Mar 31, 2018
MissRaine69:
And humanity is saved thank you.
Gosh!!! Come on now... Rannie... Too much.. Slow down girl, in this jungle called NL...
Re: My Husband Rapes Me by MissRaine69(op): 2:42pm On Mar 31, 2018
BdorianGray:
Gosh!!! Come on now... Rannie... Too much.. Slow down girl, in this jungle called NL...
grin
Re: My Husband Rapes Me by khalazi:
.
Re: My Husband Rapes Me by BdorianGray(m): 7:37pm On Apr 03, 2018
Re: My Husband Rapes Me by cooljoe(m): 3:19am On Apr 08, 2018
I'm not sure if in Nigerian laws, a husband can rape his wife - d law sees them as one - that is why a husband and wife can not be guilty of conspiracy, for conspiracy has to involve at least two persons. but she can apply for divorce under s.15 of d matrimonial causes act, dat the marriage has broke down beyond repair, by virtue of d depraved acts of her husband. or even seek a separation, nd yle that subsists, he would be barred from touching her
Re: My Husband Rapes Me by bukatyne(f):
MissRaine69:
1. Amaka is a woman in her 40s. She has been in a conflicted marriage for years. Her husband insists on morning sex, even though he knows it will make her late for work. She gives in to get it over with.

2. Funke is newly married, she is upset because her husband has been having sex with her while she is asleep. She likes sex but doesn’t like to be woken by him penetrating her. He says she agrees in her sleep. She feels violated.

3. Halimah is in her 30s. She feels she has no say about when and where she and her husband will have sex. He often refuses when she initiates. But he’ll get furious if she doesn’t immediately fall into bed (or the bushes) with him when he wants it. She gives in rather than have yet another fight about it.

4. Layefa is 19 years old her husband regularly slaps her around and then forces her to have sex saying that he just knows she loves it. She does love him. She doesn’t want to leave. But she honestly doesn’t love domination as part of sexual intimacy.

These women are all married. Is what their husbands are doing rape? Can a husband rape his wife?
@MissRaine69:

A husband cannot rape his wife in the frame of marriage. A husband can only physically assault his wife i.e. if during sexual intercourse, he deliberately injures her. Stress on 'deliberately'.

Marriage provides everlasting consent between both parties so the husbands refusing their wives are also wrong.

'You can't rape the willing' is very apt here. If these wives (all conditions normal) were more willing to make love to their husbands, they wouldn't be fazed by it. Some people will say a woman should be able to say when she wants.... then the husband can decide when to pay fees, when to love his wife etc. You get the picture; not pretty.

Sex is the only thing sacred between couples. A married man can eat with a female colleague, go to the movies with a female, confide in a female, give his clothes to a dry cleaner, contract his food to a cook etc. without doing anything wrong morally. He can only bang his wife; ditto a wife.

To the individual cases:
1. The conflict is in Amaka's mind; attitude. If her husband prefers to make love to his wife in the mornings, then they sleep a bit earlier to make allowance for the loving in the morning. I wonder how long the husband had to endure 'put up' sex. What is worse than no sex is bad sex for both parties. If she presents herself with a cheerful attitude, the husband will be happy. She is lucky that her husband still desires her after several years of marriage.

2. A new wife feels 'violated' that her husband makes love to her in her sleep? No comment.

3. Halimah's husband is wrong to refuse her sex. After one of their love making sessions (and not Oya just do sessions), she should tell him that she would also like him to respond to her advances. She might be initiating sex the way her husband does. She should find out what turns him on and start from there. It could be brushing naked against him or whatever it is. Same as Amaka; attitude. She should be more willing and she would start to enjoy the random sessions more.

4. Layefa: This is a tricky one. Does the husband love her? If yes, then she might unconsciously enjoy the slapping around thing. If after slapping her around she enjoys sex with her husband, he might not be easily persuaded that she doesn't like it; her body is saying otherwise. First step is to critically examine herself and determine what she wants. After that, she communicates her findings to him. If he doesn't love her, he might be a psycho which is another case altogether.
Re: My Husband Rapes Me by Heartbender: 6:25pm On Apr 15, 2018
Are you a lawyer? Rape is what the law says it is and not what you say it is. From your write ups and definition of rape I find your brand of feminism uncomfortable for the whole populace. If what you term "rape" is truly what you believe then men have been more raped than women yet out of four instances of "marital rape" drawn from the four regions in Nigeria, there is zero mention of men raped by their wives. FYI, a husband cannot rape his wife under Nigerian laws. He can only be charged for assault or wounding. Be guided
makydebbie:
Rape means..


The act of forcing sexual intercourse upon another person without their consent or against their will; originally coitus forced by a man on a woman, but now any sex act forced by any person upon another person.
Re: My Husband Rapes Me by makydebbie(f): 6:31pm On Apr 15, 2018
Heartbender:
Are you a lawyer? Rape is what the law says it is. From your write ups and definition of rape I find your brand of feminism uncomfortable for the whole populace. If what you term rape is truly what you believe then have been more raped than women butt out of four instances of "marital rape" drawn from the four regions in Nigeria, there is zero mention of men. FYI, a husband cannot rape his wife under Nigerian laws. He can only be charged for assault or wounding. Be guided
Please next time, if you don't know what to say, just keep scrolling. I stopped reading when you mentioned feminism. I can't recall branding myself a feminist. Be guided.

I defined rape for the op, it doesn't make me a feminist, if this doesnt brand you as lethargic then I don't know what to say again. Once again, be guided.
Re: My Husband Rapes Me by Heartbender: 6:50pm On Apr 15, 2018
Only the blind need braille but what do I know? You forgot that I mentioned your other write ups but what do I know still?
makydebbie:
Please next time, if you don't know what to say, just keep scrolling. I stopped reading when you mentioned feminism. I can't recall branding myself a feminist. Be guided.

I defined rape for the op, it doesn't make me a feminist, if this doesnt brand you as lethargic then I don't know what to say again. Once again, be guided.
Re: My Husband Rapes Me by makydebbie(f): 7:01pm On Apr 15, 2018
Heartbender:
Only the blind need braille but what do I know? You forgot that I mentioned your other write ups but what do I know still?
Please you know nothing because I've also written my take on feminism.
Re: My Husband Rapes Me by Heartbender: 7:05pm On Apr 15, 2018
I'm happy you know I'm Jon Snow. Happy Sunday. Bye
makydebbie:
Please you know nothing because I've also written my take on feminism.
Re: My Husband Rapes Me by juche(m): 11:01pm On Apr 15, 2018
African men has some animalistic tendencies and orientations though not all. One of the major backward orientations is that of women domination. Is unfortunate that some men still see their wives as acquired objects which they will use whenever they want and however they like without resistance. How can a man even enjoy sex with an unconsenting woman ? Is terrible to still hear of men who beat up their wives and do all manner things for not consenting to sex. Sex should be consensual irrespective of who are involve. I m shocked to read comments here supporting husbands forcing themselves on their wives. These ladies are humans like guys, they have feeling, could be tired, worried, not happy, disturbe etc.
Re: My Husband Rapes Me by linearity: 11:10pm On Apr 15, 2018
ubunja:
please take your problems to the police NOT social networks. attention - hungry, sympathy-craving women..... and if he's raping you WALK OUT!!!!!
Police can’t help her, if she is married in Nigeria she is out of law.

According to Nigeria laws, a man properly married to his wife either under customary or statutory law is incapable of raping the wife.

The Nigeria law clearly states that....In Nigerian laws, rape can only occurred when one or both parties are not married.

Though depending on the degree of force involved in committing the ‘rape’ assault charges can be brought against the man.
Re: My Husband Rapes Me by bukatyne(f): 1:09am On Apr 16, 2018
juche:
African men has some animalistic tendencies and orientations though not all. One of the major backward orientations is that of women domination. Is unfortunate that some men still see their wives as acquired objects which they will use whenever they want and however they like without resistance. How can a man even enjoy sex with an unconsenting woman ? Is terrible to still hear of men who beat up their wives and do all manner things for not consenting to sex. Sex should be consensual irrespective of who are involve. I m shocked to read comments here supporting husbands forcing themselves on their wives. These ladies are humans like guys, they have feeling, could be tired, worried, not happy, disturbe etc.
@bold:

Marriage gives perpetual consent.

Would a lady be tired sometimes? Yes. However, if she has not been refusing her husband before, he will know she is tired and let her be.
Re: My Husband Rapes Me by grandstar(m): 4:06pm On Apr 16, 2018
MissRaine69:
Amaka is a woman in her 40s. She has been in a conflicted marriage for years. Her husband insists on morning sex, even though he knows it will make her late for work. She gives in to get it over with.

Funke is newly married, she is upset because her husband has been having sex with her while she is asleep. She likes sex but doesn’t like to be woken by him penetrating her. He says she agrees in her sleep. She feels violated.

Halimah is in her 30s. She feels she has no say about when and where she and her husband will have sex. He often refuses when she initiates. But he’ll get furious if she doesn’t immediately fall into bed (or the bushes) with him when he wants it. She gives in rather than have yet another fight about it.

Layefa is 19 years old her husband regularly slaps her around and then forces her to have sex saying that he just knows she loves it. She does love him. She doesn’t want to leave. But she honestly doesn’t love domination as part of sexual intimacy.

These women are all married. Is what their husbands are doing rape? Can a husband rape his wife?
The primary problem is that this is still a backward and macho society so women take the backseat.

Men dictate when they want to have sex
Re: My Husband Rapes Me by Blue3k(m): 4:20pm On Apr 16, 2018
I don't know man. If you say no, resist it's rape in my book. I agree if you feel vioated take it to police.
Re: My Husband Rapes Me by raumdeuter: 4:45pm On Apr 16, 2018
bukatyne:
@bold:

Marriage gives perpetual consent.

Would a lady be tired sometimes? Yes. However, if she has not been refusing her husband before, he will know she is tired and let her be.
Na you dey always like this kain topic

https://www.nytimes.com/2018/04/06/style/modern-love-sleeping-with-married-men-infidelity.html

What do you think about this link above you dont have to discuss it here
Re: My Husband Rapes Me by IamEmem(m): 5:18pm On Apr 16, 2018
TheUpsetGirl1:
the only way to stop domestic abuse and domestic rape is by eliminating the bride price culture. because Nigerian men think that after paying huge amounts for your bride price, sponsoring the marriage etc you're now their property. therefore after spending so much just to get you, you can't disobey them or deny them sex.
Why dont you initiate abolishing the bride price culture.
Maybe when a guy comes to marry you ask your fathers kinsmen to forget bride price
Or better still elope with a man into thin air and claim married.
#rubbish.
some women are just so confused.
Re: My Husband Rapes Me by IamEmem(m): 5:27pm On Apr 16, 2018
MissRaine69:
Amaka is a woman in her 40s. She has been in a conflicted marriage for years. Her husband insists on morning sex, even though he knows it will make her late for work. She gives in to get it over with.

Funke is newly married, she is upset because her husband has been having sex with her while she is asleep. She likes sex but doesn’t like to be woken by him penetrating her. He says she agrees in her sleep. She feels violated.

Halimah is in her 30s. She feels she has no say about when and where she and her husband will have sex. He often refuses when she initiates. But he’ll get furious if she doesn’t immediately fall into bed (or the bushes) with him when he wants it. She gives in rather than have yet another fight about it.

Layefa is 19 years old her husband regularly slaps her around and then forces her to have sex saying that he just knows she loves it. She does love him. She doesn’t want to leave. But she honestly doesn’t love domination as part of sexual intimacy.

These women are all married. Is what their husbands are doing rape? Can a husband rape his wife?
Op, marriage is a legal union between a man and a woman, Sex is the right of both partners and so the word rape does not apply in marriage especially when there is no health challenge.
Do you know that when a woman willfully and without compulsion stays under the same roof with a man, she cannot make a claim for rape.
A man can wake his wife and request for sex and where he takes it forcefully he commits no crime cos he is legally married, likewise the woman.
All these feminist women, please if you dont like sex or feel you determine when sex happens kindly stay out of marriage and continue with your single life.
# Peace.
Re: My Husband Rapes Me by bukatyne(f): 6:07pm On Apr 16, 2018
raumdeuter:
Na you dey always like this kain topic

https://www.nytimes.com/2018/04/06/style/modern-love-sleeping-with-married-men-infidelity.html

What do you think about this link above you dont have to discuss it here
Lol!

It is one of the most important things in life na!

Mindfulness opened a thread on it.
Re: My Husband Rapes Me by bukatyne(f): 6:09pm On Apr 16, 2018
grandstar:
The primary problem is that this is still a backward and macho society so women take the backseat.

Men dictate when they want to have sex
And women don't dictate? If I remember correctly, one of the case studies initiates sex with her husband; he doesn't just respond which is also wrong.
Re: My Husband Rapes Me by Kingmanny88(m): 8:42pm On Apr 16, 2018
Imapearl:
and your not happy?
if him go rape person outside
you will call him a cheat
#women
I am telling you oh..... Women are such an insatiable. bunch. I'm
Re: My Husband Rapes Me by Kingmanny88(m): 8:42pm On Apr 16, 2018
Imapearl:
and your not happy?
if him go rape person outside
you will call him a cheat
#women
I am telling you oh..... Women are such an insatiable bunch.
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