₦airaland Forum

Gasa84:
Am sorry to bother you guys but I need your advice.
I am from Imo state and I met my man (from Enugu state) in 2013 after my NYSC. He was not quite learned but he is hard working so I suggested he rent a house and buy a land since he can afford it, he did.

But when I started spending weekends in his house I found out that he drinks a lot, beats and insults me, telling me he can never marry someone like me, but he also takes care of me as I was unemployed then, I felt it was ignorant and kept enduring and confide in his elder brother's wife about my dilemma....

To cut long story short, I got a job in 2015 and he got very sick in 2016 so I had to let go of my job to tend to him for 2 months till he traveled for proper treatment.

After 8 months he came back told his brother that he wants to marry me but his brother said no to the extent that the brother pushed me out of his house when I came to visit him as usual...

He got sick again and was diagnosed with brain tumor , I stayed with him in the hospital till he traveled for surgery... While I was with him no one cared to come stay in the hospital as they knew I was there... I stayed in his house more than mine. After a successful surgery, his father died..

I followed him to his village cos I thought it was the right thing to do but his brothers, sisters, mother and uncles told him to send me away, I left there feeling miserable and insulted...

But he kept telling me that he doesn't want to lose me that we will keep on praying that one-day they will accept me so we can then marry.

I know he loves me... Probably because I was there with him when he was sick.... But am no more that young and I don't know what will happen later... Am afraid and frustrated....

I don't know what to do please help me out. I can explain more if u ask I am just confused and depressed. What do I do, how do I cope?

Leave him. He will find someone else and you should find someone else too... There is no way he can choose you ahead of his family.

My sister don't marry out of pity. Don't force yourself sort of, on him. Don't marry any man that non of his family members liked you. Forget anybody telling you that marriage is for you and your husband because when the time comes you will know family have a say in marriage especially in that part of the country. Except he has something that is making you to still follow him. Please if his mother and family is against your relationship and you said he insults and beats you, please look for another man because a living dog is better than a dead lion. I am sorry to say, you know or might have experience marriages especially in that part of the country that family are against. My 10kobo advice.

emelda86:
Hey you bring your head come closer....say after me
Any waka wey them dey waka for me them go waka tire (×10) no... In fact continue......till fade

My dear are you not a fool, don't you have self worth what manner of nonsense chronicle is this @ your age your village people are using your sense to contact amadioha, tufiakwa u need to be slapped mercilessly so that your senses can come to normal

Lol...

The babe wan just use age factor destroy herself.

Why must you beg to be with someone? Worst enough for a lifetime? People dey sha...

Am just feeling for u. I don't know why, just depend on God he will surprise u even though is not easy to let go but u have to.... the word of God says in Isaiah 34v16 that nobody shall look for his or her mate. U will meet ur own partner In Jesus name.

Gasa84:
Am sorry to bother you guys but I need your advice.
I am from Imo state and I met my man (from Enugu state) in 2013 after my NYSC. He was not quite learned but he is hard working so I suggested he rent a house and buy a land since he can afford it, he did.

But when I started spending weekends in his house I found out that he drinks a lot, beats and insults me, telling me he can never marry someone like me, but he also takes care of me as I was unemployed then, I felt it was ignorant and kept enduring and confide in his elder brother's wife about my dilemma....

To cut long story short, I got a job in 2015 and he got very sick in 2016 so I had to let go of my job to tend to him for 2 months till he traveled for proper treatment.

After 8 months he came back told his brother that he wants to marry me but his brother said no to the extent that the brother pushed me out of his house when I came to visit him as usual...

He got sick again and was diagnosed with brain tumor , I stayed with him in the hospital till he traveled for surgery... While I was with him no one cared to come stay in the hospital as they knew I was there... I stayed in his house more than mine. After a successful surgery, his father died..

I followed him to his village cos I thought it was the right thing to do but his brothers, sisters, mother and uncles told him to send me away, I left there feeling miserable and insulted...

But he kept telling me that he doesn't want to lose me that we will keep on praying that one-day they will accept me so we can then marry.

I know he loves me... Probably because I was there with him when he was sick.... But am no more that young and I don't know what will happen later... Am afraid and frustrated....

I don't know what to do please help me out. I can explain more if u ask I am just confused and depressed. What do I do, how do I cope?

this story seem incomplete to me though. what did you think you did that made them hostile to you.... you might not think its a big deal but it is... say the full story then I can come up with something to do.

Gasa84:
Am sorry to bother you guys but I need your advice.
I am from Imo state and I met my man (from Enugu state) in 2013 after my NYSC. He was not quite learned but he is hard working so I suggested he rent a house and buy a land since he can afford it, he did.

But when I started spending weekends in his house I found out that he drinks a lot, beats and insults me, telling me he can never marry someone like me, but he also takes care of me as I was unemployed then, I felt it was ignorant and kept enduring and confide in his elder brother's wife about my dilemma....

To cut long story short, I got a job in 2015 and he got very sick in 2016 so I had to let go of my job to tend to him for 2 months till he traveled for proper treatment.

After 8 months he came back told his brother that he wants to marry me but his brother said no to the extent that the brother pushed me out of his house when I came to visit him as usual...

He got sick again and was diagnosed with brain tumor , I stayed with him in the hospital till he traveled for surgery... While I was with him no one cared to come stay in the hospital as they knew I was there... I stayed in his house more than mine. After a successful surgery, his father died..

I followed him to his village cos I thought it was the right thing to do but his brothers, sisters, mother and uncles told him to send me away, I left there feeling miserable and insulted...

But he kept telling me that he doesn't want to lose me that we will keep on praying that one-day they will accept me so we can then marry.

I know he loves me... Probably because I was there with him when he was sick.... But am no more that young and I don't know what will happen later... Am afraid and frustrated....

I don't know what to do please help me out. I can explain more if u ask I am just confused and depressed. What do I do, how do I cope?

this story seem incomplete to me though. what did you think you did that made them hostile to you.... you might not think its a big deal but it is... say the full story then I can come up with something to do.....

She did mentioned that the boyfriend beats her until she started assisting him. I don't really think that man loves her. She should trade carefully

Hello Op! Just move on, there's no need to jump into a pot of soup.

Gasa84:
Am sorry to bother you guys but I need your advice.
I am from Imo state and I met my man (from Enugu state) in 2013 after my NYSC. He was not quite learned but he is hard working so I suggested he rent a house and buy a land since he can afford it, he did.

But when I started spending weekends in his house I found out that he drinks a lot, beats and insults me, telling me he can never marry someone like me, but he also takes care of me as I was unemployed then, I felt it was ignorant and kept enduring and confide in his elder brother's wife about my dilemma....

To cut long story short, I got a job in 2015 and he got very sick in 2016 so I had to let go of my job to tend to him for 2 months till he traveled for proper treatment.

After 8 months he came back told his brother that he wants to marry me but his brother said no to the extent that the brother pushed me out of his house when I came to visit him as usual...

He got sick again and was diagnosed with brain tumor , I stayed with him in the hospital till he traveled for surgery... While I was with him no one cared to come stay in the hospital as they knew I was there... I stayed in his house more than mine. After a successful surgery, his father died..

I followed him to his village cos I thought it was the right thing to do but his brothers, sisters, mother and uncles told him to send me away, I left there feeling miserable and insulted...

But he kept telling me that he doesn't want to lose me that we will keep on praying that one-day they will accept me so we can then marry.

I know he loves me... Probably because I was there with him when he was sick.... But am no more that young and I don't know what will happen later... Am afraid and frustrated....

I don't know what to do please help me out. I can explain more if u ask I am just confused and depressed. What do I do, how do I cope?

if he is already beating you b4 marriage and he drinks. That's enough reasons to quit. You cant change a man

Gasa84:
Am sorry to bother you guys but I need your advice.
I am from Imo state and I met my man (from Enugu state) in 2013 after my NYSC. He was not quite learned but he is hard working so I suggested he rent a house and buy a land since he can afford it, he did.

But when I started spending weekends in his house I found out that he drinks a lot, beats and insults me, telling me he can never marry someone like me, but he also takes care of me as I was unemployed then, I felt it was ignorant and kept enduring and confide in his elder brother's wife about my dilemma....

To cut long story short, I got a job in 2015 and he got very sick in 2016 so I had to let go of my job to tend to him for 2 months till he traveled for proper treatment.

After 8 months he came back told his brother that he wants to marry me but his brother said no to the extent that the brother pushed me out of his house when I came to visit him as usual...

He got sick again and was diagnosed with brain tumor , I stayed with him in the hospital till he traveled for surgery... While I was with him no one cared to come stay in the hospital as they knew I was there... I stayed in his house more than mine. After a successful surgery, his father died..

I followed him to his village cos I thought it was the right thing to do but his brothers, sisters, mother and uncles told him to send me away, I left there feeling miserable and insulted...

But he kept telling me that he doesn't want to lose me that we will keep on praying that one-day they will accept me so we can then marry.

I know he loves me... Probably because I was there with him when he was sick.... But am no more that young and I don't know what will happen later... Am afraid and frustrated....

I don't know what to do please help me out. I can explain more if u ask I am just confused and depressed. What do I do, how do I cope?

if he is already beating you b4 marriage and he drinks. That's enough reasons to quit. You cant change a man...

Gasa84:
Thanks all for not using harsh words. I appreciate.
I kept thinking it ll get better..... Maybe it's the money or sex... Am just miserable and stuck. God help me! I don't know how to start afresh. I don't know how to let go. Oh God help me.

My dear, I understand your fear, frustrations and doubts. I don't want to go so much into detail but I can tell you, you are not the only one there, we all are, we are sacred of making some moves because we have held on to some people or sth, and anytime we take a look out of the window we see no hope outside, so we shut ourselves back in. It is currently happening to some time of us, in our career, in our relationship, in our communion with God, in short, in our daily lives.

Many people will despise u here, but they are going tru such or even worse. Don't be deceived, you may leave him and never see anyone a for the next 5 years, you may leave him and your prince charming will find you, it's all 50-50, the question is are you ready to take that risk? When I was much younger(I'm still young 24) there were certain things u will do and damn the consequences but as I get older wisdom has thought me to be very patient and stop throwing caution to d wind.

One thing that limits us as we grow older is age, I can't do d things I did when I was 16, my boss pays my house rent, but I don't like d job, but is there a better job outside? Am I willing to take that risk, knowing well that I can't run to dad or mum anymore for shelter.

My advice to you, especially knowing that u are not young is to still stick with him, if u leave, u will be like a person who took a parachute out of a plane that was having turbulence, you never can tell where it will take you.

Your man hasn't told you to leave, so stay back and crawl your way into the family, or take a walk and accept anything that comes with it.

One of the biggest mistakes a girl can make is to marry into a family where she isnt accepted, it is a silent but sure killer. Seems to me like you are forcing yourself on him despite the open display of intolerance. Give him space and focus on developing yourself. There are better men around.

Sister zerie ndugi, ndi Enugu especially their first daughter and first son don't marry from another state, is better you save your self the future calamity which "may" await in future. A broken relationship is far better than a broken marriage. A word is enough for the wise, he that has ear let him hear what the elders are saying.

CsRockefeller:
My dear, I understand your fear, frustrations and doubts. I don't want to go so much into detail but I can tell you, you are not the only one there, we all are, we are sacred of making some moves because we have held on to some people or sth, and anytime we take a look out of the window we see no hope outside, so we shut ourselves back in. It is currently happening to some time of us, in our career, in our relationship, in our communion with God, in short, in our daily lives.

Many people will despise u here, but they are going tru such or even worse. Don't be deceived, you may leave him and never see anyone a for the next 5 years, you may leave him and your prince charming will find you, it's all 50-50, the question is are you ready to take that risk? When I was much younger(I'm still young 24) there were certain things u will do and damn the consequences but as I get older wisdom has thought me to be very patient and stop throwing caution to d wind.

One thing that limits us as we grow older is age, I can't do d things I did when I was 16, my boss pays my house rent, but I don't like d job, but is there a better job outside? Am I willing to take that risk, knowing well that I can't run to dad or mum anymore for shelter.

My advice to you, especially knowing that u are not young is to still stick with him, if u leave, u will be like a person who took a parachute out of a plane that was having turbulence, you never can tell where it will take you.

Your man hasn't told you to leave, so stay back and crawl your way into the family, or take a walk and accept anything that comes with it.

. For a very long time I have never come across such a mature way of dishing out advice to some one, had it been I am still single I would have look for a possible way of trying to entangle with you so as to see if we both can mingle. Bravo sis, infact you are matured at heart. I love that.

You're lucky to have gotten all the signs you need, some were not this lucky.

Gasa84:
Thanks all for not using harsh words. I appreciate.
I kept thinking it ll get better..... Maybe it's the money or sex... Am just miserable and stuck. God help me! I don't know how to start afresh. I don't know how to let go. Oh God help me.

Run for your life and let go by all means.

my dear pls run even borrow leg join,those people are toxic and will remain like that, Dnt be fooled by your fiancé love,its not enough, family wahala no dey end believe me

blackpanthar:
The kind of person we marry has alot to do with the character traits in the kids that will be born into such UNION.

Is that really the kind of HOME and EXTENDED FAMILY you want to bring innocent kids into?
Did you not have a vision for the kind of man you wanted to marry when u were single or was it MONEY that BLINDED you? or maybe it was great sex....

Am really sorry for you but the sad truth is.... YOU SAW THE WARNING SIGNS and still went ahead to keep yourself ready for him in the name of LOVE.

A man that BEATS his wife-to-be IS AN ABUSER and it will only lead to more damaging experiences. Your kids will have to see him beat you and it will damage their psychology of how a home should be.

Then since its a brain tumor... if not cured properly... he may DIE by it then the full weight of the entire family of haters will come on you....

PLS CAN YOU NOT SEE THE FUTURE?

Look before you Leap.

Wonderful write up and advise. I hope she takes this advise

blackpanthar:
The kind of person we marry has alot to do with the character traits in the kids that will be born into such UNION.

Is that really the kind of HOME and EXTENDED FAMILY you want to bring innocent kids into?
Did you not have a vision for the kind of man you wanted to marry when u were single or was it MONEY that BLINDED you? or maybe it was great sex....

Am really sorry for you but the sad truth is.... YOU SAW THE WARNING SIGNS and still went ahead to keep yourself ready for him in the name of LOVE.

A man that BEATS his wife-to-be IS AN ABUSER and it will only lead to more damaging experiences. Your kids will have to see him beat you and it will damage their psychology of how a home should be.

Then since its a brain tumor... if not cured properly... he may DIE by it then the full weight of the entire family of haters will come on you....

PLS CAN YOU NOT SEE THE FUTURE?

Look before you Leap.

So many wisdom in one piece.
U just said that truth there bro...

Can u pls answer some question that was asked here..



Why did they sunddenly hate u or it has been like this since the beginning becuz the way u are saying it look like u are a witch in their eyes


And u can keep praying maybe it's becuz of ur advice u mentioned then

Must you marry from your open enemies house? You better run before they run you down.

My dear please move on with your life.Its not advisable to marry into a family where no body likes you except your spouse to be.

Gasa84:
Thanks all for not using harsh words. I appreciate.
I kept thinking it ll get better..... Maybe it's the money or sex... Am just miserable and stuck. God help me! I don't know how to start afresh. I don't know how to let go. Oh God help me.

How to start afresh is To move forward. Block his contact, move your things from his house. Love yourself and stay alive. Breathe fresh air .

Wat people don't get on this is dat. igbo's don't like demself. an Anambara not enugu man so much hates imo ladies naturally bcus of how expensive De are not dere flirting nature.
Am an Enugu boy n am going marry from imo state no matter De cost or I will marry non-igbo

Gasa84:
Am sorry to bother you guys but I need your advice.
I am from Imo state and I met my man (from Enugu state) in 2013 after my NYSC. He was not quite learned but he is hard working so I suggested he rent a house and buy a land since he can afford it, he did.

But when I started spending weekends in his house I found out that he drinks a lot, beats and insults me, telling me he can never marry someone like me, but he also takes care of me as I was unemployed then, I felt it was ignorant and kept enduring and confide in his elder brother's wife about my dilemma....

To cut long story short, I got a job in 2015 and he got very sick in 2016 so I had to let go of my job to tend to him for 2 months till he traveled for proper treatment.

After 8 months he came back told his brother that he wants to marry me but his brother said no to the extent that the brother pushed me out of his house when I came to visit him as usual...

He got sick again and was diagnosed with brain tumor , I stayed with him in the hospital till he traveled for surgery... While I was with him no one cared to come stay in the hospital as they knew I was there... I stayed in his house more than mine. After a successful surgery, his father died..

I followed him to his village cos I thought it was the right thing to do but his brothers, sisters, mother and uncles told him to send me away, I left there feeling miserable and insulted...

But he kept telling me that he doesn't want to lose me that we will keep on praying that one-day they will accept me so we can then marry.

I know he loves me... Probably because I was there with him when he was sick.... But am no more that young and I don't know what will happen later... Am afraid and frustrated....

I don't know what to do please help me out. I can explain more if u ask I am just confused and depressed. What do I do, how do I cope?

I don't want to insult you sha, but may God help your mumurity. Ndo o nne.
You left your job to be a carer to a man you aren't married to and whose family don't appreciate you.
You better ask God for forgiveness and mercy and start all over. Stop wasting your time.

madridguy:
If you've been sincere with your narration then I will suggest you quit the relationship with immediate effect. I think you're dealing with selfish people that are bent to ruin your boyfriend. Your man is surrounded by vampires that have been sucking him before your arrival. Upon your arrival, you start blocking loop holes by trying to encourage your guy to start channeling his resources into something meaningful. This does not go well with his family, hence they have to boot you out of their brother's life so they can continuing enjoying him.

Though I may be wrong but am just surprised how a family will abandoned their own blood at the hospital and leave the work to you alone a girl friend.

If you must continue with him, just prepare your mind for the worse because if anything happen to him in the future, OYO is your case.

Great response.

This is exactly the story of one of my friends in Anambra. He finally died of brain tumor and guess what? His family drove her away from their shop , collected the cars and everything despite she had a daughter for the guy.
She ran for her dear life ,squating with her family . Begged for food and school fees for her kid.

She started again from scratch, rented a shop in that same line with the help of her family after about a year. I was so happy when I saw her pics on Facebook that she took in China . Before, it was the hubby that travels to China while she sells here in Naija.

So what am I saying? It is not worth it. Move on. Sometimes ladies get stuck in a rship because they feel they have invested so much .....I repeat, it is not worth it.
A better man will come as soon as you clear these ppl from your mind.

Gasa84:
Thanks all for not using harsh words. I appreciate.
I kept thinking it ll get better..... Maybe it's the money or sex... Am just miserable and stuck. God help me! I don't know how to start afresh. I don't know how to let go. Oh God help me.

The fear of letting go and starting afresh is what is still keeping you there, not even the sex or the money, I can relate with that, but girl, You can make it, just let him go a better one will definitely come along. Tell yourself that the future is brighter and it will be so.
Cheers

vickydevoka:
Wat people don't get on this is dat. igbo's don't like demself. an Anambara not enugu man so much hates imo ladies naturally bcus of how expensive De are not dere flirting nature.
Am an Enugu boy n am going marry from imo state no matter De cost or I will marry non-igbo

Maybe your family members don't like themselves. Stop generalizing and saying Igbos don't like themselves. RABBBISH.

MrTeCO:
My sincere honest advice from a man to a woman who is in a serious life dilemma and needs the most truthful answer to the situation affecting her.


1- Quit Now. I repeat Quit Now for your own good and happiness. I'm a core Igbo man from Anambra and can vividly tell you that our culture here in Igbo is terrible when it comes to marriage and family matters.

2- If you want to live longer than you ever envisioned, then let that man and his family go...... and when you do please don't look back. my reasons are as follows.....

a: as a guy I do advise my fellow young singles planning on settling down soon not to ever think of marrying a woman if his/her family doesn't accept them.

b: if you end up doing strong head and marry that person even when they say they can't live without you my dear no body from their family will attend una wedding....this is core Igbo culture....its terrible but its true. If at all they attend, it's for the man and not for you and trust me you won't enjoy your wedding day as they'll do everything within their power to make you unhappy and depressed that day.

c: imagine after you've seen the writing on the wall went ahead and married him and help him build up his wealth more and along the line he dies(since he's already prone to random sickness) who do you think they'll blame....? You.

I know my Igbo people, the family will throw you out before or after the burial and collect all the man's property from you even the ones you might have invested your money, energy and time into.


I can go on and on but as an Igbo woman you be read this carefully..."were ire gi guo ezegi onu" cos it won't end well for you.


please leave love aside first and save your life. they might even go diabolic for you.


Advice to all..... leave the talk of being a man or woman, if your family members doesn't accept your partner to be please for the sake of you and your partner and future kids kindly let them go. Unless you're ready to abandon them all and live with your partner.

most at times their reasons are not always genuine and only on that context can I advise you to follow your heart just like in the case of the PSquare family. If they have reasons they all repeatedly complain of, leave that partner for you to live long and be happy.


My dad has made us swear that none of us will marry from Enugu or from Yoruba....he has his reasons and he carefully told us so. My future kids can marry from those places but me and my brothers or any of my sisters will not. My fathers advices has never for once turned out bad, so I'm not gonna disobey him on that.....(please nobody should bash me on that, our elders use to say that What An Old Man Sits Down and See, A Child Can Not See It Even When He/She Stands)


have said Enough.....sister please please please, don't ever marry that man....infact kill every love you have for him now and move on...find someone else and marry.....i know its hard but do it. I can bet with my life that you two will never enjoy that marriage especially YOU.


Peace.....Igbo Culture is beautiful but some aspects needs to be changed for the betterment of the entire Igbo race.

Enugu kwa? I thought it was IMO state.

Please work on your self esteem

Gasa84:
Thanks all for not using harsh words. I appreciate.
I kept thinking it ll get better..... Maybe it's the money or sex... Am just miserable and stuck. God help me! I don't know how to start afresh. I don't know how to let go. Oh God help me.

I know how u feel, uve invested alot if urself in a relationship and at the end its not working bt truth is u must move on or give space to focus on ur life and how u can be happy. Ur happiness is the most important thing here and don't compromise that for any relationship. U can always get sm1else if u believe u can. There is not point prolonging ur troubles in this relationship, uve tried u best aomif its ment to be it will by itself and if not sm1else will walk into ur life and make u happier. I know its hard bt don't be desperate