₦airaland Forum

IamD18:
Create a thread for this to enable you get more advice and response.

Thanks.

goldcrossxx:
I already have done that. You can modify my post

IamD18:
Are you the BF of Amaraokafor?

goldcrossxx:
Yes i am the guy in question

Nwaohafia1:
You are humble.

Always remember this quote..."THINGS MIGHT GET TO THOSE WHO WAIT...BUT IT'S THINGS LEFT BY THOSE WHO HUSTLE"

Amaraokafor:
Good morning nairalanders. Forgive my blunders if you find any.

I need a candid advice for a decision in life I'm about to make. I have been dating this guy for three years now and even if we like each other, I'm beginning to realize that I'm getting tired of the relationship.

I come from a family of three girls and four boys. My elder sister is married as well as my younger sister.I'm the one left hanging in the air. I'm not a desperate lady, but recently I'm beginning to realize that feigning ignorance to this particular issue is beginning to take its toll on me.

I'm in a LDR that has seen little or no results for the past three years. Although there's a reasonable online contact, but physical presence is like a war. Sometimes I don't get to see him for months.The thing again is I'm chasing other guys away from me. Kept saying I'm taken but it's like I'm deceiving myself. I'm tired. I've tried to let go several times but couldn't just bring myself to do it.


Recently another guy came into my life and he seems really nice.He asked me out for a lunch date but I've been mute. I don't want to double date and my present relationship is beginning to make me deeply sad. I like my present man but the relationship is so dull. It's too empty. There are no memories. It's like Im not even in a relationship to start with. Apart from the fact we profess love to each other, I think it's the most dull and under performing relationship ever.He is responsible and cool headed, but the way he handles our relationship leaves me completely empty, extremely sad and hopeless.

I want to date again, but it's like I need a push. I have this ugly reputation for overstreching patience. This suffering inside and smiling outside syndrome. So people don't get to know how extremely sad I'm until I open up. I'm extremely sad.


Talk to me.
I will listen.

And the guy you are dating has responded here

https://www.nairaland.com/4489200/response-previous-thread-created-amara

IamD18:
Stop seeking for validation from us to cheat.

Men alone shouldn't be the ones to spice and entice a relationship, if your relationship is dull and empty, spice it up, make it hot and happening, if done and it comes to no avail, if he doesn't respond positively to your efforts to make the relationship fun filled, then break up with him in an appropriate manner.

Between, you are desperate for marriage, that's why you are bothered. #Fact!

Amaraokafor:
Calm down.
I'm naturally a sociable person, he is not. He has no friends and don't hang out.Because of his introverted attitude, I'd like to say I now find loud places irritating and it's OK. I love the change BUT, I also want us(as lovers) to have our moments, doesn't matter where, how cheap and how unexclusive. When I try to instigate such, he seems cool but when it's time to take such actions he just doesn't bring himself to do it. Again Oga, no be person wet you see you go go out with? Even when I volunteer to see him, he just gives excuses.I have sat down to think where the problem is coming from and still I don't seem to understand.

Amaraokafor:
You're nailed it!
But someone with such problems shouldn't aim too high now.The issues are these, I presume, he prioritize things that are irrelevant.

Amaraokafor:
Good morning nairalanders. Forgive my blunders if you find any.

I need a candid advice for a decision in life I'm about to make. I have been dating this guy for three years now and even if we like each other, I'm beginning to realize that I'm getting tired of the relationship.

I come from a family of three girls and four boys. My elder sister is married as well as my younger sister.I'm the one left hanging in the air. I'm not a desperate lady, but recently I'm beginning to realize that feigning ignorance to this particular issue is beginning to take its toll on me.

I'm in a LDR that has seen little or no results for the past three years. Although there's a reasonable online contact, but physical presence is like a war. Sometimes I don't get to see him for months.The thing again is I'm chasing other guys away from me. Kept saying I'm taken but it's like I'm deceiving myself. I'm tired. I've tried to let go several times but couldn't just bring myself to do it.


Recently another guy came into my life and he seems really nice.He asked me out for a lunch date but I've been mute. I don't want to double date and my present relationship is beginning to make me deeply sad. I like my present man but the relationship is so dull. It's too empty. There are no memories. It's like Im not even in a relationship to start with. Apart from the fact we profess love to each other, I think it's the most dull and under performing relationship ever.He is responsible and cool headed, but the way he handles our relationship leaves me completely empty, extremely sad and hopeless.

I want to date again, but it's like I need a push. I have this ugly reputation for overstreching patience. This suffering inside and smiling outside syndrome. So people don't get to know how extremely sad I'm until I open up. I'm extremely sad.


Talk to me.
I will listen.

patani:
Take it or leave it, you are dating a married man. I am married and I know how married me. Can lead a single lady on...all your description fits in exactly. No sane single guy will spend money on you and not want to be with you.. my advice, withdraw sex totally going forward. Den tell him to set the record straight and that you need to know the next thing to do with your life. Don’t accept any sweet response of ‘I’ll change’ the truth is, you are very tight to av a desire to be with your Man. It makes u a normal woman

thedondada:
You 're dating a married man.

Amaraokafor:
Good morning nairalanders. Forgive my blunders if you find any.

I need a candid advice for a decision in life I'm about to make. I have been dating this guy for three years now and even if we like each other, I'm beginning to realize that I'm getting tired of the relationship.

I come from a family of three girls and four boys. My elder sister is married as well as my younger sister.I'm the one left hanging in the air. I'm not a desperate lady, but recently I'm beginning to realize that feigning ignorance to this particular issue is beginning to take its toll on me.

I'm in a LDR that has seen little or no results for the past three years. Although there's a reasonable online contact, but physical presence is like a war. Sometimes I don't get to see him for months.The thing again is I'm chasing other guys away from me. Kept saying I'm taken but it's like I'm deceiving myself. I'm tired. I've tried to let go several times but couldn't just bring myself to do it.


Recently another guy came into my life and he seems really nice.He asked me out for a lunch date but I've been mute. I don't want to double date and my present relationship is beginning to make me deeply sad. I like my present man but the relationship is so dull. It's too empty. There are no memories. It's like Im not even in a relationship to start with. Apart from the fact we profess love to each other, I think it's the most dull and under performing relationship ever.He is responsible and cool headed, but the way he handles our relationship leaves me completely empty, extremely sad and hopeless.

I want to date again, but it's like I need a push. I have this ugly reputation for overstreching patience. This suffering inside and smiling outside syndrome. So people don't get to know how extremely sad I'm until I open up. I'm extremely sad.


Talk to me.
I will listen.

MrBigiman:
Lies have expiry date. Urs just expired. May u find what u seek for.

IamD18:
Stop seeking for validation from us to cheat.

Men alone shouldn't be the ones to spice and entice a relationship, if your relationship is dull and empty, spice it up, make it hot and happening, if done and it comes to no avail, if he doesn't respond positively to your efforts to make the relationship fun filled, then break up with him in an appropriate manner.

Between, you are desperate for marriage, that's why you are bothered. #Fact!

Youngzedd:
She got overdose now. She must be the daughter of Lai Mohammed.

Amaraokafor:
Good morning nairalanders. Forgive my blunders if you find any.

I need a candid advice for a decision in life I'm about to make. I have been dating this guy for three years now and even if we like each other, I'm beginning to realize that I'm getting tired of the relationship.

I come from a family of three girls and four boys. My elder sister is married as well as my younger sister.I'm the one left hanging in the air. I'm not a desperate lady, but recently I'm beginning to realize that feigning ignorance to this particular issue is beginning to take its toll on me.

I'm in a LDR that has seen little or no results for the past three years. Although there's a reasonable online contact, but physical presence is like a war. Sometimes I don't get to see him for months.The thing again is I'm chasing other guys away from me. Kept saying I'm taken but it's like I'm deceiving myself. I'm tired. I've tried to let go several times but couldn't just bring myself to do it.


Recently another guy came into my life and he seems really nice.He asked me out for a lunch date but I've been mute. I don't want to double date and my present relationship is beginning to make me deeply sad. I like my present man but the relationship is so dull. It's too empty. There are no memories. It's like Im not even in a relationship to start with. Apart from the fact we profess love to each other, I think it's the most dull and under performing relationship ever.He is responsible and cool headed, but the way he handles our relationship leaves me completely empty, extremely sad and hopeless.

I want to date again, but it's like I need a push. I have this ugly reputation for overstreching patience. This suffering inside and smiling outside syndrome. So people don't get to know how extremely sad I'm until I open up. I'm extremely sad.


Talk to me.
I will listen.

MrBigiman:
Her sisters are single, yet she claimed they are married. She is the first daughter yet she denied her position. Such a person is not credible in legal terms.

Madam stop lying, leave that guy alone before u give him untrainable, lying babies!

fpeter:
who else came from the other thread to view this one?
gather her for a group selfie...

Amaraokafor:
Good morning nairalanders. Forgive my blunders if you find any.

I need a candid advice for a decision in life I'm about to make. I have been dating this guy for three years now and even if we like each other, I'm beginning to realize that I'm getting tired of the relationship.

I come from a family of three girls and four boys. My elder sister is married as well as my younger sister.I'm the one left hanging in the air. I'm not a desperate lady, but recently I'm beginning to realize that feigning ignorance to this particular issue is beginning to take its toll on me.

I'm in a LDR that has seen little or no results for the past three years. Although there's a reasonable online contact, but physical presence is like a war. Sometimes I don't get to see him for months.The thing again is I'm chasing other guys away from me. Kept saying I'm taken but it's like I'm deceiving myself. I'm tired. I've tried to let go several times but couldn't just bring myself to do it.


Recently another guy came into my life and he seems really nice.He asked me out for a lunch date but I've been mute. I don't want to double date and my present relationship is beginning to make me deeply sad. I like my present man but the relationship is so dull. It's too empty. There are no memories. It's like Im not even in a relationship to start with. Apart from the fact we profess love to each other, I think it's the most dull and under performing relationship ever.He is responsible and cool headed, but the way he handles our relationship leaves me completely empty, extremely sad and hopeless.

I want to date again, but it's like I need a push. I have this ugly reputation for overstreching patience. This suffering inside and smiling outside syndrome. So people don't get to know how extremely sad I'm until I open up. I'm extremely sad.


Talk to me.
I will listen.

fpeter:
who else came from the other thread to view this one?
gather her for a group selfie...

goldcrossxx:
.

GetUmad:


Though I know this thread is already dead, buried and forgotten the moment the guy created a counter-thread, and I'm sure they're together somewhere now smiling and making fun of these threads. However these are my observations.

1) The lady might have lied about some stuffs, its not because she's a liar as some people accused her of, but possibly to conceal her identity as much as possible so that people close to her (outside nairaland) who might have known about the thing going on between her and her guy might be confused if she's the one or not. She might not even be an Ibo lady as her moniker suggests. It's all to shield her.

2) The lady loves this guy so much and actually wanted to make it work, at the same time needed some heads up to take some harsh decisions like breaking up hence her reason for bringing it up here.

3) She's been very lonely and she must be the type of lady that likes being in the company of her guy all the time. She's sexually active and it's obvious she's being sex-starved

4) Just like an average Nigerian girls, she's at that stage of her life where they see nothing else more important about their life other than being called "MRS" anytime soon, just like their peers. I've had several opportunities to talk out some of my lady friends of their desperate moves all in a bid to "hurriedly" answer to the pressure of becoming a MRS. We all should know at a stage in a lady's life, all she thinks and dreams about is getting married, as sad and unbelievably ridiculous as it is. They become so desperate that they can do anything just to achieve that, even if its dumping a prospect for a temporary ASSURANCE . This is very common amongst our girls.

5) As rightly pointed out by some Posters, the guy is that average Nigerian guy who sees FINANCIAL STABILITY as a priority before any marriage. Most Nigerian guys would always want to make "that money" first before settling down. That's where their pride lies. They want to be in charge financially. Most guyz wouldn't ever attempt going to any marriage only to later start depending on some people (even your wife) for survival. I must agree he actually made a great mistake of promising the lady an instant marriage just as they even started dating and yet to get to know each other. He knew what she wanted, played into her hand just to make her feel secured (the lady must be a very pretty one hence he didn't want to loose her) when he knew it wasn't actually guaranteed.

6) At a point, the guy had so much going for him and he couldn't handle the pressure from her lady coupled with other pressures engulfing him. He easily felt irritated by her, it got to a stage he started having a second thought about everything and that was at that point the lady in question was trying hard for both of them to see, but my guy just wanted to be left alone hence he kept making excuses. Note : it's not that he didn't still love her at that moment, but some thoughts and fear crept in which made him paranoid, consequently leading to the need to avoid her. Meanwhile at this point, just as Human being the lady is, she was feeling dejected and unwanted. The ASSURANCE she wanted was going bleak and her endurance level waning.

7) Being an extremely introvert person, while the lady the direct opposite didn't help the matter either.

In conclusion, I beleive they could work it out. All they need is some time. No need to rush. They need to still get to know each other more. It's obvious they love each other. Notice how they both independently avoided saying ills about each other. That goes to show they really adore each other so much. The u ion can work. However, there must be a great sacrifice and compromise, especially from the guy. He needs to understand the lady loves him and really wants to spend her future with him but he would need to be less of an introvert. I mean, if the lady could have made some sacrifices of being less of an extrovert she used to be, they can both meet at a midpoint (my wife was also an introvert, had to sacrifice some lifestyles so we could be both happy, she also became less of homebody she used to be and this heloed us both a lot) . The most important thing is COMMUNICATION and MEANINGFUL TIME spent with each other while planning a formidable future together.


I want you to disregard whatever anyone might have told you about calling it quit. Many of them don't even have a steady relationship and can't keep one but they'd jump to this kind of thread and give advice. Both of you should come together, go on vacation somewhere for like a week and have deep discussion about the way forward, about your future. I beleive so strongly that if you both decide to make it work, it'd work. The most important thing is you both cherish each other which is apparent in the two threads.

Please do not forget to post your Fulani Herdsmen themed Pre-wedding pictures here by DECEMBER and invite Nairalanders.

PresVA:
Hmmmm, seems he has a problem taking initiatives. . not a good one

when you initiate actions, does he continue?

Amaraokafor:
You and Deemain went dip to really decipher what I really was going through.Although many under stood,but we know it's a man's world.The important to thing is, at least I get strangers who were smart enough to give a deeper explanations to EXACTLY what I felt,It's unfortunate though, it's coming from people who I don't know or ever met before in my life. I smiled in pain when I read Deemain opinion.Nobody is with our flaws.Sincerely contrary to what I envisaged,this thread actually was helpful especially from those who emailed me to give their better judgements.

I thank everyone...May God bless you all.

Cc:IamD18

Thank you. Wish your marriage more love.