₦airaland Forum

Viergeachar:
Sure. Virginity is not everything. It's something valuable, all the same.

Which will you choose for your brother or son?

1. A well-brought up, homely, intelligent, wife-material lady who is a VIRGIN

2. A well-brought up, homely, intelligent, wife-material lady who is NOT a VIRGIN

Your answer is everything...

I didnt say we taxed our inlaws. All I said is that they voluntarily brought far more than we requested.

And my relation is in a mutually-respectful and loving marriage. Her husband sees her as a partner...

Uptown7:
Why Chi?

samyfreshsmooth:
My dad once mentioned his brother usually takes his only daughter (my cousin) for virginity test on her birthday so she'll remain a virgin till she gets married.


he (my dad) said he wanted to do same with my sisters but my mom was having none of it cos according to her, she trained, trusts and knows her daughters well



we all thought perhaps he would stop when my cousin crosses her teens but she celebrated her 21st birthday a month ago and 4 days ago i jokingly asked her on whatsapp if her dad still took her for the tests and she said yes!!


honestly at first i was shocked and thought my uncle crazy but on second thoughts, i believe what he's doing is a little right


seeing how wild my cous is (being an only girl and all) i'm 100% certain she'd have long lost her virginity if not for that


i think i will do that for my future daughter(s) cos this world is evil and boys are not to be trusted (girls too)



anyways what do you guys think............is it ideal and advisable or not?

oyb:
Does he check his sons dicks also?

pikapizy:
Maturity Speaks .... btw "the Uncle" should be asked if he married his wife a virgin ? sometimes all this stress protecting something thats meant to be lost one day ... "uncle' is psycho who has slept with many young girls or he is has a phobia with the way the younger Generation handle sex

Apina:
How will it ruin her life? Because the last time i checked, divorce is legal. So if he chooses to be stupid, he will only be doing himself.

LaudableXX:
A little knowledge is a dangerous thing. And when people like you start flaunting a little knowledge, it gives cause for alarm. Is divorce automatic? Do you get it the day you apply for it? Before the divorce comes through, the man could have wrecked her life. So stop saying what you do not know. Do you know how many women in this Nigeria of today, have been infected with STD or HIV by their husbands?

Most women (not all) who marry as virgins, are the ones that are quick to make excuses for their husband's bad behaviour. They tend to suffer his philandering and abuse quietly for years, before their self-control and tolerance threshold, snaps. Don't blame them. That is the limit of their knowledge. So please learn a little more about real life, before jumping to strange conclusions.

Viergeachar:
Can a boy get pregnant Have an abortion Drop out of school to give birth

You must be the stupid one.

Apina:
What is dangerous is when people like you who know nothing act like smart asses. So they must be under the same roof until d divorce is granted before she can leave cos her hands and legs will be tied there. People leave their matrimonial homes, some are even chased out without a divorce so what sense do u think u are making based on ur divorce analysis?

Where did you get your statistics from to have come to a conclusion that most women make excuses for their cheating husbands? Stop being myopic by trying to make ur conjectures seem like the norm, you can only speak about what you think you know and not using ur limited knowledge as a yardstick

CHEATING, BUT NOT LEAVING | By Sarah Morgan |
Despite all the chatter about the death of monogamy, some couples are deciding to remain married — even after one spouse cheats on the other. According to a recent study by researchers at Indiana University, nearly 1 in 5 women and almost 1 in 4 men in monogamous relationships reported having cheated. It’s unclear exactly how many knew that their significant other strayed, though infidelity rates have held fairly steady over time — while divorce rates peaked in the 1980s. These days, couples and therapists say, infidelity is much more survivable than many of us think.

A growing group of therapists is now working to help couples recognize and process these different feelings when one partner drifts but the couple decides to stick it out together. One change they’ve noticed in recent years is how much people tend to expect from their partners — and how much it can hurt when they learn of their spouse’s cheating ways. “We tend to want our partner to be everything — our best friend, our confidant, our lover, our financial partner,” says Elana Katz, a family therapist and senior faculty member at the Ackerman Institute for the Family in New York. But most people have fewer confidants today than they did in the past, and because expectations are higher, when an affair comes to light, it can be very alarming, Katz says. https://www.ozy.com/fast-forward/cheating-but-not-leaving/38322

Eight Reasons Women Stay in Abusive Relationships | by Jason Whiting |

When NFL linebacker Ray Rice knocked his fiancée Janay Palmer unconscious in an elevator in 2014, it didn't initially get much attention. He was accused of domestic violence and suspended for two games. After a few weeks, he was formally charged, but he and Palmer were married the next day.

However, when a security video of the event surfaced, it quickly went viral. Watching Janay Palmer get knocked down and roughly dragged out of the elevator by Rice had a powerful effect on viewers. The waves of outrage that followed caused the NFL to scramble to increase their punishment of Ray Rice and conduct an internal review of their domestic violence policies.

Things took an interesting turn when Janay Palmer spoke out in defense of her husband. She apologized at a press conference saying: “I deeply regret the role I played that night,” and later asked people to stop their judgments and accusations. “Just know we will continue to grow & show the world what real love is,” she posted on Instagram, asking others to not take anything from the man she loves.

This provoked a new public response. Incredulous observers could not understand how Palmer could be standing by her man. The attacks now turned toward her, with commenters questioning her sanity, innocence, and motives. Why would someone stay with, let alone defend a man who had knocked her unconscious? What was wrong with Palmer that she would do this?

These accusations and questions prompted a pushback. Victims and women’s advocates spoke out in defense of Palmer and described the complicated dilemmas women in violent relationships face. Beverly Gooden, a human resources manager in North Carolina, started a hashtag on Twitter, #WhyIstayed, where she shared her reasons for remaining in a violent marriage. “I tried to leave the house once after an abusive episode, and he blocked me,” Gooden said, later adding: “I thought that love would conquer all.” Her hashtag became a rallying point, with hundreds of victims posting their stories of the factors that kept them in abusive relationships.

As domestic violence researchers, we were curious how these posts could help professionals and public observers better understand the unique challenges victims of domestic violence face. With colleague Jaclyn Cravens, and doctoral student Rola Aamar, I examined these voices to see what could be learned. We collected hundreds of posts from women all over the world and read, coded, and sorted them, publishing these findings in 2015. Through this analysis, we identified eight main reasons women stay in abusive relationships:

Distorted Thoughts: Being controlled and hurt is traumatizing, and this leads to confusion, doubts, and even self-blame. Perpetrators harass and accuse victims, which wears them down and causes despair and guilt. For example, women shared: “I believed I deserved it,” and, “I was ashamed, embarrassed, and blamed myself because I thought I triggered him.” Others minimized the abuse as a way to cope with it, saying: “[I stayed] because I didn’t think that emotional and financial abuse was really abuse. Because words don’t leave bruises,’’ and, “Because I didn’t know what my boyfriend did to me was rape.”

Damaged Self-Worth: Related was the damage to the self that is the result of degrading treatment. Many women felt beaten down and of no value, saying: “He made me believe I was worthless and alone,” and, “I felt I had done something wrong and I deserved it.”

Fear: The threat of bodily and emotional harm is powerful, and abusers use this to control and keep women trapped. Female victims of violence are much more likely than male victims to be terrorized and traumatized. One said: “I was afraid of him…I knew he’d make leaving an ugly drawn out nightmare.” Attempting to leave an abuser is dangerous. One woman felt trapped because of her husband’s “threats of hunting me down and harming all my loved ones including our kids while I watched and then killing me.”

Wanting to be a Savior: Many described a desire to help, or love their partners with the hopes that they could change them: “I believed I could love the abuse out of him.” Others described internal values or commitments to the marriage or partner, with tweets like: “I thought I would be the strong one who would never leave him and show him loyalty. I would fix him and teach him love.” Others had pity and put their partner’s needs above their own: “His father died, he became an alcoholic and said that God wouldn’t want me to leave him because he needed me to make him better.”

Children: These women also put their children first, sacrificing their own safety: “I was afraid if he wasn’t beating me he would beat his kids. And I valued their lives more than my own.” And, “I stayed for 20 years while I protected our children, all while I was being abused.” Others mentioned staying to benefit the children: “I wanted my son to have a father.”

Family Expectations and Experiences: Many posted descriptions of how past experiences with violence distorted their sense of self or of healthy relationships: “I watched [my dad] beat my mom. Then I found someone just like dad,” or, “Because raised by animals, you partner with wolves.” Some mentioned family and religious pressures: “My mother told me God would disown me if I broke my marriage.”

Financial Constraints: Many referred to financial limitations, and these were often connected to caring for children: “I had no family, two young children, no money, and guilt because he had brain damage from a car accident.” Others were unable to keep jobs because of the abuser’s control or their injuries, and others were used financially by their abuser: “[My] ex racked up thousands of debt in my name.”

Isolation: A common tactic of manipulative partners is to separate their victim from family and friends. Sometimes this is physical, as one woman experienced: “I was literally trapped in the backwoods of WV, and he would use my little boy to keep me close.” Other times isolation is emotional, as one woman was told: “You can either have friends and family or you can have me.”
https://ifstudies.org/blog/eight-reasons-women-stay-in-abusive-relationships

LaudableXX:
Sorry sir, but the only ass on this thread is just you. And thank God, everyone can read and they have seen it. Talk to any fully qualified psychologist. They will tell you that no woman files for a divorce immediately she encounters or experiences an abusive situation the first time, at the hands of her husband. The abuse must have gone on repeatedly for ages, before she finally plucks up courage to apply for a divorce. Others make excuses for such husbands and continue to stay in the marriage, until they get so emotionally damaged or physically brutalised that it is impossible to continue with their lives.

Do you remember the banker Titilayo Omozoje Arowolo, that was killed by her abusive husband Akolade Arowolo in 2011? Or the case of late Fatima Ibrahim Manu who was killed by her husband Umar Manu in 2016? Google it. Abuse can go both ways in a marriage. A man can also be abused by his wife, and even get killed in the process. Mr Bilyamin Muhammed Bello, son of a former chairman of the Peoples Democratic Party, PDP, Haliru Bello, was allegedly stabbed to the death by his wife, Maryam Sanda. Were the lives of these deceased people, not ruined by their spouses?

Many women make excuses for cheating husbands, especially in Nigeria. You can decide to play the ostrich, by claiming it does not happen. Na you sabi. Many of them do not want to have a broken home, either because they have children for the man, or because they are financially dependent on such men. Nigerian society also stigmatises single mums to a certain extent, and some women do not want to go through that. This is not America, where a woman can automatically move out of her matrimonial home today, file for divorce tomorrow and is automatically granted alimony, once the case comes up in court.

My neighbour is a classic case. She suffered abuse for years at the hands of her husband, who eventually left her for someone else, after he had disfigured her with several beatings. That was when she finally filed for divorce. He had already wrecked her life by then. So Oga, educate yourself before you start talking about things you do not know!

Apina:
You are just pathetic, take your miserable frustrated life and stupid opinion elsewhere. Dont quote me again. Animal!

Apina:
You are just pathetic, take your miserable frustrated life and stupid opinion elsewhere. Dont quote me again. Animal!

Khonifer:
Smh for Nigerians! Don't open your eyes and educate yourself. Resort to insults like a stupid child