₦airaland Forum

KanwuliaExtra:
When people get married, they forget no condition is permanent but CHANGE! They also forget to forget to ALWAYS to have a PLAN B, PLAN C and PLAN D!

Especially in this day and age when marriages break up faster than wooden toothpicks.

Anyone going into a marriage without any alternative plan is delusional. You can wake up one day to find yourself single again WITH KIDS!

Depression has set in because marriage is a DO OR DIE AFFAIR to you. Instead of restructuring your life to nurture you and your kids, you are spending time to STAY IN MOURNING of a failed marriage. The man has moved on and here you are.

If a man never asks for his kids, you cannot force him to. The kids are your sole responsibility, so please WISE UP and SHAPE UP!

You are the only key to your peace of mind. You have to minimize the effect on your children by staying focused. Your plate is going to be FULL for a long time. . . . Please, get to work and take care of yourself and children ALONE!

The world is full of SINGLE MOTHERS! They are not dead! It is not the end of the world.

Good luck!

KanwuliaExtra:
Indeed!
In that case, you have been CONNED!The reason “it hurts”! You failed to protect yourself.
Women like you go into marriage with a lot of fantastic ideas. When the HARD KNOCK of reality slaps you, you still keep dreaming.

Are you telling us you LOVE A MAN more than YOURSELF? WHERE IS HE NOW? With another woman BREEDING MORE KIDS! And here you are.


Mtcheeeeeeeeeeeeew!

Next time, make sure “your love” has some emotional BI-FOCALS in place, so you can always see CLEARLY, even when THE RAIN IS NOT GONE. This is 2018, not 2008!

Love is not to be wasted on nonentities. Put ALL the love on you and your kids. SIMPLE.

Tinamoore, these words are a lesson and a blessing. Let them sink in deeply.

Tinamoore:
I just want to let out some of my pains and fesrs on this faceless forum .maybe it will give me some sort of relief.

I know that I am not a perfect person but i know that i gave my all to my marriage to make it work but it didn't work out.the whole thing is gradually wrecking me emotinally because of my two innocent children.

When I look back at the " good girl" life I have lived, I begin to wonder if its worth it.most times, I just want to do some "very bad things", so that the pains I passed through in my marriage will make sense to me. Why does bad things happen to good people.

Most times, I am scared if I am/ will make a good mother to my kids.can I successfully fill the vacuum of a father in their lives? Why my children? Why must they be caught in this web of ' single parenthood'.God!!! I am so scared of what the future holds for us.i worry about what will happen if my children dont turn out well.I try to be strong especially for my kids but at times I break down. This was never the plan I had for myself. What happened to my dreams?

For how long will I answer questions like: mummy, I want to speak with my daddy; mummy, why is daddy not living with us anymore; mummy, I miss my daddy.this are questions my children ask even though they haven't spent so much time with their father as he was abroad.In as much as I don't want to paint their father as a bad person, I also don't want to give them the impression that I am deliberately keeping them away from their father.so the questions get hard to answer.

How can a father abandon his own blood? No calls, emotional or financial commitment. I can deal with it, but its not easy for my kids.maybe its about the belief that" my children will eventually look for their father, their root".how about their education? Don't you care if your children are in school knowing fully well I am unemployed. God!! Please answer my prayers.

It's worse because I can't and will never go back to him. For if i do, he may cause me to commit suicide oneday. Twice , his actions made me raise knife to take my life. I loved him so much that he was my obsession. He was my first and only love.do I hate him now? No, I can never hate the one I once loved so much.I gave him time to change but it got worse.I know we all have our faults including me but not when a man makes his wife an " intimate stranger".

Life itself is not fair.so many questions and questions in my head that beg for answers.at times you need someone to just listen to you. At times i t gets too much for me that I just want to scream out loud.you cry so much and still don't feel any better.its worse because no one else truly knows what I am passing through emotionally.God bless my family for me but then my emotional pains is beyond them.

Do I feel any better writing this? honestly I don't know. Just want to write about how I am feeling. At times I want to loose faith/ hope in God but then I know its only him and myself that can help "me".

I am not new on nairaland.my old moniker is saponification but changed it when I lost my former email.

Hey, take a deep breath and. relax.i know how it feels coz am in ur shoes but God has been my strength and helper.its not easy especially with a year old and 6 yrs old kids.

Try not to say anything negative about their dad no matter what. It may have effect on their psychological development. It's u and their dad that has issues. Don't involve the kids or paint a negative picture about him.

Sit ur kids dwn and let them know how much u love them. Explain to them their dad travelled and will not be back in long time due to some reasons only him can explain but assure them that he misses them too.

U relly nid God to scale Tru on how to nurture them well. U will survive. Time heals all wounds

Good luck!

coolcatty:
Why the harsh words?

The guy may have asked a very genuine question albeit in a harsh manner...it doesn't mean we all should be harsh to him too.

@op...its not easy one bit....but if possible..explore the path of peace and get him to be financially responsible to his kids.....you can go through the lagos state ministry of women affairs at alausa...or you can send
me a pm....He needs to be financially responsible to his kids no matter the issue at stake...those kids never asked to be brought forth..you guys took that decision and you guys MUST be financially responsive to their needs.

Ministry of women affairs na scam. All those bodies don't work. The last time I used welfare and human right I got dumped at a point even after spending a whole lot on calls ,invitation letters and at the end it's what ever d guy can afford to drop per month u Wil take at ur own risk sef because at a point it will stop and all they will tell u is to go and make peace . With who exactly?
Is it someone who will beat life out of u or not cater for the family and still victimize u on top.

Government bodies are scam xcept u get money or u ar connected , u ar on ur own

Aquariann:
How can a father abandon his own blood? No calls, emotional or financial commitment

Ify, these were the OP's words. And with them, she painted her husband as evil and a wizard. And yes, the fact that she mentioned he abandoned them without any care meant she wants to talk about him.

We can show or pretend to all the empathy in the world to her plight, but w shouldn't also pretend not to have seen many women take the kids always from their fathers in the hope of getting back at him (possibly block all communication channels) and then turn around to say he doesn't even care about his children. At least there's (or was) a thread here about a week ago or so where the man complained about his wife running off with the kids and cutting contact despite his attempts to get access to them.

So people asking about how it got to this stage aren't out of place. These were also her words: I know that I am not a perfect person but i know that i gave my all to my marriage to make it work but it didn't work out

So the question is, what did she do or not do. Hardly does any sane father deliberately abandoned his kids (not saying some don't) but it's wired in the biology of men to take care of their kids. So what is madam not telling us.

What will u describe of a man who does not want to work or fend for the family even when u make efforts to get him a job he rejects them and sleeps all day but feels comfortable with d wife hustling with a heavy stomach and accuring debt just for the family to feed and on top still insults his wife and says evil tins about her to his family.even when living as a family wit the man the wife lives like a Married single mother coz she caters for everything and still waiting on the wife to pay rent.

This epistle was a tip of my horrible experience in marriage.

OmoAlata1:
I am a single mother of two. I left a very very abusive relationship. So I did not choose single motherhood but that was what life dealt me.

It is very tough on the children. I have been single mother for 4 yrs, the first 3 yrs was really really tough on them. But please you need to make them feel very love. Let them have a fatherly figure in their life, like your brother or father, any male figure that you trust very well. You don’t necessarily have to start dating again if you are not ready. They will adapt but I will not lie, it will not be an easy road at all. They might lash at you sometimes especially if you have boys.

GOd bless u. Only those dat wear d shoe knows where it pinches. The Lord is our strength

It is well...I think wereys full men bodies! Whew!

Tinamoore:
I just want to let out some of my pains and fesrs on this faceless forum .maybe it will give me some sort of relief.

I know that I am not a perfect person but i know that i gave my all to my marriage to make it work but it didn't work out.the whole thing is gradually wrecking me emotinally because of my two innocent children.

When I look back at the " good girl" life I have lived, I begin to wonder if its worth it.most times, I just want to do some "very bad things", so that the pains I passed through in my marriage will make sense to me. Why does bad things happen to good people.

Most times, I am scared if I am/ will make a good mother to my kids.can I successfully fill the vacuum of a father in their lives? Why my children? Why must they be caught in this web of ' single parenthood'.God!!! I am so scared of what the future holds for us.i worry about what will happen if my children dont turn out well.I try to be strong especially for my kids but at times I break down. This was never the plan I had for myself. What happened to my dreams?

For how long will I answer questions like: mummy, I want to speak with my daddy; mummy, why is daddy not living with us anymore; mummy, I miss my daddy.this are questions my children ask even though they haven't spent so much time with their father as he was abroad.In as much as I don't want to paint their father as a bad person, I also don't want to give them the impression that I am deliberately keeping them away from their father.so the questions get hard to answer.

How can a father abandon his own blood? No calls, emotional or financial commitment. I can deal with it, but its not easy for my kids.maybe its about the belief that" my children will eventually look for their father, their root".how about their education? Don't you care if your children are in school knowing fully well I am unemployed. God!! Please answer my prayers.

It's worse because I can't and will never go back to him. For if i do, he may cause me to commit suicide oneday. Twice , his actions made me raise knife to take my life. I loved him so much that he was my obsession. He was my first and only love.do I hate him now? No, I can never hate the one I once loved so much.I gave him time to change but it got worse.I know we all have our faults including me but not when a man makes his wife an " intimate stranger".

Life itself is not fair.so many questions and questions in my head that beg for answers.at times you need someone to just listen to you. At times i t gets too much for me that I just want to scream out loud.you cry so much and still don't feel any better.its worse because no one else truly knows what I am passing through emotionally.God bless my family for me but then my emotional pains is beyond them.

Do I feel any better writing this? honestly I don't know. Just want to write about how I am feeling. At times I want to loose faith/ hope in God but then I know its only him and myself that can help "me".

I am not new on nairaland.my old moniker is saponification but changed it when I lost my former email.

Hey, read this on quora. You will see a lot of women going through thesame and thier suggestion my help.

https://www.quora.com/What-is-the-best-revenge-against-a-cheating-husband-and-his-mistress

Mindfulness:
Tinamoore, these words are a lesson and a blessing. Let them sink in deeply.

Sure.her words are so true

realtalk19:
What will u describe of a man who does not want to work or fend for the family even when u make efforts to get him a job he rejects them and sleeps all day but feels comfortable with d wife hustling with a heavy stomach and accuring debt just for the family to feed and on top still insults his wife and says evil tins about her to his family.even when living as a family wit the man the wife lives like a Married single mother coz she caters for everything and still waiting on the wife to pay rent.

This epistle was a tip of my horrible experience in marriage.

Oh!!!! So sorry Sweetheart.continue to be the strong woman that you are.
Trust me, there is better days ahead.
Hugs to you.

patani:
Hey, read this on quora. You will see a lot of women going through thesame and thier suggestion my help.

https://www.quora.com/What-is-the-best-revenge-against-a-cheating-husband-and-his-mistress

OK.thanks a bunch.
I will check it out.

Tinamoore:
Oh!!!! So sorry Sweetheart.continue to be the strong woman that you are.
Trust me, there is better days ahead.
Hugs to you.

Bin trying to reach u via mail. Can u resend a message.i didn't see any in my inbox. Hp u ar ok

You guys are confusing each other. A single mother is someone who was never married, has a child or children and is not staying with a partner.

If you were married with kids then you are a divorcee and not a single mother.

To the matter, how do you guys deal with sexual tension ?