Feel like sharing this sad day to you guys.

Please don't laugh at the predicament of a fellow brother.

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Sainigeri , Buaricopypaste, Alcmene, chommiblack, xaviercasmir, avatarmode sabbiboi , akpota, lovruemu
make una come take front seat as usual

The worst day of my life was a certain weekend that one thing led to another and I found my self broke.
Had only 3k on me so I decided to visit the barbing salon as it's a weekly routine and use the balance to prepare myself a good meal that will sustain me till Monday morning

On my way back from the salon, a certain woman living in same street called me. This young woman probably in her early 40s is tall, fair and heavily endowed. Pointing at my self I curiously asked " na me you dey call"? She answered to the affirmative.
With my clipper bag dangling from my hand, I headed towards her direction like I was summoned by Pontus Pilate.

Unknown of the fate that might has befallen me, I stood before her intimidating posture like I got her daughter pregnant whilst awaiting to be 'sentenced'. She reached to her car Booth, brought out some sport wears and gave me. "Ah all this for me" I asked smiling like they bought me Christmas clothes. "Noo #2,500 each" she echoed. I quickly withdrew the smile on my face and returned to default mode. Like I was under a spell, I started bargaining. "Give me this three for #2,500" I said effortlessly like I lost a job interview.
My case was compounded when she said I should bring the money as I was hoping to under prize the clothes and go my way.

I started weeping internally but smiling outwardly and awkwardly. Amidst regret I gave her #2k and headed home with my head facing down and hands joined at the back like I took holy communion.
Now left with #300 I decided to prepare pap and okpa. Prepared the list (okpa=#200, akamu=#50+jara, sugar #20) and went out to get them.

Quickly dissolved the pap and started pouring the already boiled water.
Was still pouring the water with vigor and waiting for the pap to become thick to no avail.
"please don't do this to me" I started pleading as the pap was becoming watery and already filling the bowl to the brim.
At a point it dawned on me that the situation was irredeemable as the watery pap was already spilling from the bowl.

With my hands on my waist I looked up like I wanted to question God why the day was such bad for me. Later decided to boil the pap after I transferred the content to a stainless bowl only to realize my cooking gas has finished.

I dey come for continuation

CowHard:

Sainigeri , Buaricopypaste, Alcmene, chommiblack, xaviercasmir, avatarmode sabbiboi , akpota, lovruemu
make una come take front seat as usual

You no go kill person. this one na comedy mixed abi

CowHard:

Sainigeri , Buaricopypaste, Alcmene, chommiblack, xaviercasmir, avatarmode sabbiboi , akpota, lovruemu
make una come take front seat as usual

This one tire me ooo. Nice one bro.
Thanks for the mention

Back.....let's go there

When I realized my cooking gas has finished, I gave up and came outside to gaze at the sky.
At a point I contemplated jumping from my floor so as to fall and injure my self. At least I will be given food before any medication is carried out on me.

The weird thought was going through my mind before my phone rang, behold it was my friend.
"Guy come to ........hotel, I'm in a friend's wedding and in charge of drinks" said him on the phone. "Are you also in charge of food"? I curiously asked. He said I should come over that food will not be a problem.
I quickly dressed up and zoomed off.
As i was coming out of the street the sports wear woman started calling me again. "No be me and you again" I said to my self and started running.
I ran a long distance and started walking.

This time I was devising the means of eating two plates of food without anyone noticing. I resolved to concentrate on the rice; then demand for extra stew to augment the rice and again demand for extra rice to finish the stew so as not to waste the stew.
On getting to the hotel gate, I knocked and the gateman reminded me that the first criteria for gaining access in to the premise is that you must drive pass the gate. Meaning that it's out of bound for non-car owners.
I quickly pointed at a Lexus RX330 product parked at a nearby mechanic workshop and told him its mine but all the tyres mysteriously got deflated.

After taking a thorough look at me so as to ascertain my worth, he opened the gate and I entered whilst smiling like it was the gate of heaven. I quickly brought out my phone to call my friend only to realize I've exhausted my airtime. After searching for him to no avail, I decided to gain the attention myself.

I joined the dancing couples. The music blazing from the DJ's speakers was Nigeria's hip hop music but I decided to dance local Ogene music.
I was dancing so vigorously and bending my waist with other sorts of weird dance steps like a new Chosen church member on evangelism.
In a minute, I was the cynosure of all eyes .

Satisfied that I must have gotten the attention of my friend I retired to a corner and awaited my consignment of food.
He immediately appeared with a plate of Semovita and Egwusi soup garnished with all sort of meat. I quickly grabbed it like I was given an Olympic medal and started doing justice to the food.
I was still moulding and shaping the Semovita so as to form a good lump before I dip it in the soup when a huge and tall guy accosted me.
He told me that the occasion is strictly based on invitation and then asked what I was doing there.
As a natural stammerer, I made to explain myself but the words weren't forthcoming. I was still struggling with the words of explanations only for the food to fall from hand.

As if his mission was to ensure I didn't eat the food, the guy made to leave immediately but I grabbed him. While holding his clothes, I was thinking between Randy Orton's WWE RKO smack down and Roman Reigns super man punch which one to give the guy.

To be continued shortly abeg.

Give am Superman punch

Sorry for the slow update....

While I slugged it out with the bouncer, my eyes were fixed at the food that were wasting away on the ground.
Effortlessly, I was overpowered and dragged out of the premises like an evil child.
As I made to find my way, the busy body gate man echoed "oga you wan forget your car parked at the mechanic workshop"
I gave him a wicked and disapproving glance and legged it down the street.
"could it be that I didn't raise my voice when I prayed in the morning" I murmured as I couldn't wrap my head around the genesis of such disaster in a single day.
Left with no money and almost looking frail and famished, I flagged down a keke Nepep.
"carry me go Mgbagbuwowa junction" I said to the keke man.
"oga your money na #200" he replied immediately.
I knew quite well that I do not have a dime on me but what will I do?
I embarked and sat majestically at the back seat like a car owner.
"common take it easy, do you want to rupture my testicles" I lashed out at the rider as he manoeuvred and negotiated with pot holes on a high speed.

I almost vented my frustration on him as he galloped on high speed.
As we were about approaching Mgbabguowa junction I asked him "come do you have a POS machine with you there"
"yes oga I have two of them" he replied.
"what!!! what are you using two POS machine for in an ordinary keke business" I lashed out at him in frustration.
Sensing trouble that I may not be able to outsmart the keke guy and disappear without paying him, I asked again.
"do you have #1000 change with you there because I don't trust you and POS machines"
He again replied in the affirmative and I realized my game may be up.
I then asked him to stop so I can urinate. As he stopped, I disembarked and unzipped my trouser and pleaded with urine to come out.
Fortunately the urine started flowing like the river Jordan and the keke guy took away his concentration from me.
Immediately I realized I was no longer watched, I jumped the gutter and took my heels.

GUY ABEG COMPLETE THE STORY NA.