So i'm preparing to get married. My wife to be is from a poor family. I'm comfortable. The issue is the church they want us to do the wedding is one wooden stall small church building that I just can't come to terms with. So I suggested if they have maybe a churchHQ that has a proper building where one can conduct a decent church service, they dont...Ok I also suggested let's just do the service in Hotel either at the conference centre or Banquet hall. We will decorate the place as a church and export their church members there, I don't just want a wedding in that there church, He said No. Now we are at impasse and I do want a church wedding but my Father-In-Law to be is very very stubborn and wants us to have the wedding in a church that is just wood and planks. Please advise as you see fit

Do the joining there, you can go to the hotel for a big reception

What's wrong in doing it at the wood plank church?
If you feel your people will look down on them, just come with closest family members say your parents and brothers afterwards, you can rent Eko hotels or just fly to Dubai for the reception where you can invite your elites.

If u can get people to decorate d Church so that the wooden part(inside) is well covered, then when u want to take pics, make sure it's d decorated part u use as background.

Also if u feel u would be embarrassed by bringing friends n family to the "wooden" Church, u can decide to invite them to the reception alone while just close family members would come to the Church

No sweats. I agree with the poster above. Decorate the church to your taste and invite your friends for the reception alone. After all, most people love to attend the reception alone. Don't let something as inconsequential as this soil your relationship with the in-laws and your marriage.

Cheers.

OP,
Do i hear you say your FIL is very very stubborn?
Is it only about this church thingy?
From the way I'm hearing the stubborn, you might have other issues with him?
Do the both of you get along wella?

If you accept to wed in their church, then do so. whoever will decorate the hall can decorate the wooden church or better still you can build a new church for them if you are boyant enough. Not every inlaw likes to show off on their childen's wedding day.
He may even be trying to reduce your expenses for you sef.

AntiIslam59:
So i'm preparing to get married. My wife to be is from a poor family. I'm comfortable. The issue is the church they want us to do the wedding is one wooden stall small church building that I just can't come to terms with. So I suggested if they have maybe a churchHQ that has a proper building where one can conduct a decent church service, they dont...Ok I also suggested let's just do the service in Hotel either at the conference centre or Banquet hall. We will decorate the place as a church and export their church members there, I don't just want a wedding in that there church, He said No. Now we are at impasse and I do want a church wedding but my Father-In-Law to be is very very stubborn and wants us to have the wedding in a church that is just wood and planks. Please advise as you see fit

I don't see your father in-law as stubborn man. Rather he is a man that is not carried away with flamboyance .

Your wife is from a poor background and your father inlaw is very stubborn.. Mtcheewwwwwwwww!

You're not married yet but you're already using derogatory words on your soon to be inlaw.

yettymuse:
Your wife is from a poor background and your father inlaw is very stubborn.. Mtcheewwwwwwwww!

You're not married yet but you're already using derogatoryFactual words on your soon to be inlaw.

Fixed

dayleke:
OP,
Do i hear you say your FIL is very very stubborn?
Is it only about this church thingy?
From the way I'm hearing the stubborn, you might have other issues with him?
Do the both of you get along wella?

We are fine. I was disappointed when i got to the church ..I wish I could've snapped it and shown it here maybe you guys will understand.

Oyindidi:
Do the joining there, you can go to the hotel for a big reception

Ok. Thanks

AntiIslam59:


Ok. Thanks

You're welcome. There is more to marriage than the wedding day. I know you want a good venue but make do with that venue. They can decorate that wood building and it will look beautiful.

All the best

AntiIslam59:


Fixed

I wish your wife the best in this hell marriage she's entering

You and your wife have the right to choose where to wed. If you can convince her, then you guys can both do what you want.

My wedding was done on a Sunday evening and it was not done in church. The pastors came to the venue we picked to conduct the service. My family is flexible but obviously, your FIL is not.

So i suggest you either succumb to wedding in the "pako" church or scrap the church wedding and go to court.

N.B

My friend's church wedding is still pending till today because of church/family issues. They already have 2 children while they still fight about which church to do the wedding in. Some things should not be an issue.

Go wed your woman and be an amazing husband to her, make her happy and your days shall be long.

Katier00:
Go wed your woman and be an amazing husband to her, make her happy and your days shall be long.

Thanks

ImaIma1:
You and your wife have the right to choose where to wed. If you can convince her, then you guys can both do what you want.

My wedding was done on a Sunday evening and it was not done in church. The pastors came to the venue we picked to conduct the service. My family is flexible but obviously, your FIL is not.

So i suggest you either succumb to wedding in the "pako" church or scrap the church wedding and go to court.

N.B

My friend's church wedding is still pending till today because of church/family issues. They already have 2 children while they still fight about which church to do the wedding in. Some things should not be an issue.

This is exactly what my immediate elder bro suggested. Either wed at the pako church or just do court wedding and forget a church service. Everybody here seems to agree here we should just decorate the pako church as much as we can and do a big wedding reception and it seems that's what we would do now.

many thanks @sisisioge,@barag and @carammel

Your wife to be is from a poor family! Poor, as in poor, and there's no other word/s to qualify the family!


Your father in law is very very stubborn! Again, another derogatory word! Isn't there another word to use to describe this man who's probably old enough to be your father.

The church your fiancée and her parent attends is too local, poor and below standard for a rich and posh man like you! Wow!


Anyway, I wish you and your wife the very best of everything you need to make this marriage successful, including tolerance and patience.

AntiIslam59:
many thanks @sisisioge,@barag and @carammel

It is well. in Marriage there are lots of sacrifices. After d Wedding ceremony comes d main deal.

greatgod2012:
Your wife to be is from a poor family! Poor, as in poor, and there's no other word/s to qualify the family!


Your father in law is very very stubborn! Again, another derogatory word! Isn't there another word to use to describe this man who's probably old enough to be your father.

The church your fiancée and her parent attends is too local, poor and below standard for a rich and posh man like you! Wow!


Anyway, I wish you and your wife the very best of everything you need to make this marriage successful, including tolerance and patience.

I think I need to respond to this. I purposefully ignored Pickabeau's post there but since this sentiment has come up again let me deal with it once and for all.

I do not believe there is something derogatory in stating facts(Just because someone is my inlaw dont mean I should now suddenly change stuff from reality on the ground). I have been poor too, suffering and having to endure but thank God all that is in the past now.

I have always dreamt of having a church wedding in a proper church, since I was small. what i'm getting here is more or less a shanty wooden structure in a dirty environment. I wish I could upload the pics but i'm not there now, it's someplace in Ijebu-Ode. Even my wife don't want to wed there, she doesn't even attend the church but since the joining venue is the bride's family prerogative here we are. The mother(man's wife) is flexible to other options as are the siblings. The only stumbling block is the man who says he will not attend the wedding unless it is this particular place. This is why I said the man is a very very very stubborn man. Nobody has monopoly on stubbornness, If I want to do my own agidi too I will just do only court wedding and cancel the church service. I'm just trying to take it easy. I also needed other opinions too to see whether i'm being unreasonable to try and demand a better venue. That's what brought me here.

I understand how you feel with such an unbefiting premises

The church is an issue that will be looked into by both of you

But because he is stubborn, try and meet the pastor to suggest other places if you feel the shame will affect your personality

But bear something in mind

You must be prepared to look for a way to handle your father inlaw

Don't give him chance in anyway to influence your marriage

Dealing with stubborn people requires you to be more stubborn too

After the marriage, don't be too close to him but be very far from him

If for him to suggest another church premises he is proving stubborn in a journey of marriage which is for life

Consider what will happen if you ever need his favour in other things

AntiIslam59:
So i'm preparing to get married. My wife to be is from a poor family. I'm comfortable. The issue is the church they want us to do the wedding is one wooden stall small church building that I just can't come to terms with. So I suggested if they have maybe a churchHQ that has a proper building where one can conduct a decent church service, they dont...Ok I also suggested let's just do the service in Hotel either at the conference centre or Banquet hall. We will decorate the place as a church and export their church members there, I don't just want a wedding in that there church, He said No. Now we are at impasse and I do want a church wedding but my Father-In-Law to be is very very stubborn and wants us to have the wedding in a church that is just wood and planks. Please advise as you see fit

Marry within your social class... Leave poor girls from poor homes...

Op you get mind to marry from such a family. Hmmm this might be a sign that you should thread carefully. If the family found it proper to worship in a plank church what are other stuff are they bringing to the table. If your wife was well read that wouldn't affect the traditional mentality she grew up with. Your children would imbibe such unknowingly. In a nutshell, thread carefully. Marry from the same class as someone suggested.

There's nothing stubborn about the man. If his blessings and approval are so important to you as he's the father of the bride, then kindly allow him to give his daughter out in a church that he feels comfortable in.

Forget the sentiments, a church wedding is. Merely a blessing as it has no legal value.

Have a court wedding, the planky environment may be unsafe to host guests.

If you are uncomfortable don't wed their.


You can go back with your wife for thanksgiving and blessing

AntiIslam59:


I think I need to respond to this. I purposefully ignored Pickabeau's post there but since this sentiment has come up again let me deal with it once and for all.

I do not believe there is something derogatory in stating facts(Just because someone is my inlaw dont mean I should now suddenly change stuff from reality on the ground). I have been poor too, suffering and having to endure but thank God all that is in the past now.

I have always dreamt of having a church wedding in a proper church, since I was small. what i'm getting here is more or less a shanty wooden structure in a dirty environment. I wish I could upload the pics but i'm not there now, it's someplace in Ijebu-Ode. Even my wife don't want to wed there, she doesn't even attend the church but since the joining venue is the bride's family prerogative here we are. The mother(man's wife) is flexible to other options as are the siblings. The only stumbling block is the man who says he will not attend the wedding unless it is this particular place. This is why I said the man is a very very very stubborn man. Nobody has monopoly on stubbornness, If I want to do my own agidi too I will just do only court wedding and cancel the church service. I'm just trying to take it easy. I also needed other opinions too to see whether i'm being unreasonable to try and demand a better venue. That's what brought me here.

My opinion is that you don't have to wed there.

I don't like people dictating to me especially if it is my wedding and not theirs. And i don't like rigid people like your FIL. I put them in their place as respectfully as possible.

My MIL tried something close. She said she wouldn't attend the church wedding. I didn't respond to her. It was my husband that dealt with the issue. He told her not to attend any...even the traditional.

I don't know why weddings brings out the worst in some people. But everyone needs to calm down and think of what is important.

...

it's your wedding day, not his. you should have your wedding at the location of you and your woman's chosen, not his. or who's marrying whom again?

...

greatgod2012:
Your wife to be is from a poor family! Poor, as in poor, and there's no other word/s to qualify the family!


Your father in law is very very stubborn! Again, another derogatory word! Isn't there another word to use to describe this man who's probably old enough to be your father.

The church your fiancée and her parent attends is too local, poor and below standard for a rich and posh man like you! Wow!


Anyway, I wish you and your wife the very best of everything you need to make this marriage successful, including tolerance and patience.

since when did "poor" and "stubborn" become derogatory words?