₦airaland Forum

generationz:
you were making sense until you compared your wife to your Bleep!#g side chick

tell me does your side chick go half the things your wife does

is she expected by society to do half the things your wife does

or is she just someone who waits for you to come around screw her and drop more money every time she rubs your belly and sings your praises

you as a man when was the last time you told your wife well-done mama emeka for all you have done . I know childbirth has been tough on your body and it has never remained the same again after you had my lovely kids".

You compare your wife with your side chick

tell me if she was soooooo amazing , why not wife her and see if she will not forget to send you those adorable text messages under the pressures of being a wife in Africa.

stop deceiving yourself. stop living in lalaland

that side chick is only looking after her belly. since being a side chick is a full time job for many Nigerian females she must put in extra care to take care of her 9-5 (you) if you know what I mean

Oga , respect your wife

if you need your wife to pamper you more let her know.

Side chick is side chick wife is wife.
Nigeria isn't America where wives are extremely powerful when the law comes in . However a wife is still very "powerful "over her husband if she knows she knows

generationz:
you were making sense until you compared your wife to your Bleep!#g side chick

tell me does your side chick go half the things your wife does

is she expected by society to do half the things your wife does

or is she just someone who waits for you to come around screw her and drop more money every time she rubs your belly and sings your praises

you as a man when was the last time you told your wife well-done mama emeka for all you have done . I know childbirth has been tough on your body and it has never remained the same again after you had my lovely kids".

You compare your wife with your side chick

tell me if she was soooooo amazing , why not wife her and see if she will not forget to send you those adorable text messages under the pressures of being a wife in Africa.

stop deceiving yourself. stop living in lalaland

that side chick is only looking after her belly. since being a side chick is a full time job for many Nigerian females she must put in extra care to take care of her 9-5 (you) if you know what I mean

Oga , respect your wife

if you need your wife to pamper you more let her know.

Side chick is side chick wife is wife.
Nigeria isn't America where wives are extremely powerful when the law comes in . However a wife is still very "powerful "over her husband if she knows she knows

generationz:
you have become obsessed with cholerics these days

mylove4him:
I have read books on temperament and when I saw my strength as a choleric/sanguine woman I was elated but when I got to the weakness part Oh my God I know I needed help. My fiance' and colleagues say I can be very domineering and authoritative in which i am working on it seriously. I thank God for giving me an understanding man cos my former relationship crashed because the man felt I was being the man in the relationship and he couldn't stand such woman. Another minus is that am easily angered but with the help of God I am working on that. It could be difficult dealing with a choleric woman even as a colleague or wife cos we are too independent minded and also very stubborn and we tend to talk too much and listen a little. With love one can correct each partner and use her strength to compliment the weakness.

Acidosis:
https://www.nairaland.com/491250/temperament-issues-choleric-woman

kushdoctor:
Hey! E never reach fight dear. I was just giving you an example of two women in my life, what one does wrong and what the other does right and the value to be placed on little things we often ignore. And how men place value on them to make you better understand my point. Side chick is side side chick and wife is wife. Who get motor and person wen sometimes dey drive am nor be the same.

But another reality is the fact that person wen get motor fit nor value am reach person wen just dey drive am once once. Wetin motor need and good handling and maintenance. E nor care who buy am and how e take see money buy am.

Motor own na give me what i want and i go carry you go any where you dey go simple. No sentiment. We only have one life to live and no extra life. So no FOMO dear.

Go read the story of the king, queen and esther. And educate me on what exactly the queen did wrong that got her dethroned and another enthroned in her stead, viz a vis the kings reaction. If as a queen (queen) you snooze, there so many esther daily praying to take ya place. I wan to believe the king and esther fit don dam before and she fit don be side chick or person of interest. So as the queen fuc.k up, she got demoted and the side chick promoted. No dulling , no time. You better wake up and smell the coffee. You fit dey on injury time and you nor know. You better wake up and massage your man's ego like a masseuses, cos that's all a man has. Every man created by God and we have learnt from the eve's story not to let women use their innocent but yet deadly face or if you wish psychological conditions to make us snooze.

So if God allowed it happen in the bible and it was recorded, so chill and think. It happens every day so take heed make you nor come here come dey seek advise again say he don jakpa go meet another. peace.

ANY WAY , LIFE IS ABOUT GIVE AND TAKE.

kushdoctor:
Hey! E never reach fight dear. I was just giving you an example of two women in my life, what one does wrong and what the other does right and the value to be placed on little things we often ignore. And how men place value on them to make you better understand my point. Side chick is side side chick and wife is wife. Who get motor and person wen sometimes dey drive am nor be the same.

But another reality is the fact that person wen get motor fit nor value am reach person wen just dey drive am once once. Wetin motor need and good handling and maintenance. E nor care who buy am and how e take see money buy am.

Motor own na give me what i want and i go carry you go any where you dey go simple. No sentiment. We only have one life to live and no extra life. So no FOMO dear.

Go read the story of the king, queen and esther. And educate me on what exactly the queen did wrong that got her dethroned and another enthroned in her stead, viz a vis the kings reaction. If as a queen (queen) you snooze, there so many esther daily praying to take ya place. I wan to believe the king and esther fit don dam before and she fit don be side chick or person of interest. So as the queen fuc.k up, she got demoted and the side chick promoted. No dulling , no time. You better wake up and smell the coffee. You fit dey on injury time and you nor know. You better wake up and massage your man's ego like a masseuses, cos that's all a man has. Every man created by God and we have learnt from the eve's story not to let women use their innocent but yet deadly face or if you wish psychological conditions to make us snooze.

So if God allowed it happen in the bible and it was recorded, so chill and think. It happens every day so take heed make you nor come here come dey seek advise again say he don jakpa go meet another. peace.

ANY WAY , LIFE IS ABOUT GIVE AND TAKE.

generationz:
[s]seriously are you saying this?
op is complaining about bills you are still saying women should pay someone to do the domestic work

why don't you men just plan your lives well when single , instead of using all your singlehood in chasing girls without any kind of structure in place and no savings or investments before marriage

what the op and her husband going through is using the resources that would have been used to raise one child to raise four. Very typical in many African homes

After putting the kids through hell they will expect the kids to be their Messiah and take them out of poverty
and the cycle continues.[/s]

generationz:
[s]pleeeeease beg your wife to swap roles completely with you still taking care of 20- 30% of the bills like many men expect ( I'm not talking of the reality on ground how women of these era are paying 70% bills while their husbands gallivant and flirt with their money o)

when you swap with your wife for like a year come back and testify on nairalanders how easy it was

don't forget to carry the next pregnancy, breast feed the new born baby and still multitask while at it.
goodluck[/s]

crackhaus:
Shut up please.

generationz:
sorry I was a little harsh with my comment. some of the peoples comments on the main topic pissed me off


Oga you are not a car. A car is an object. You are a full human being so don't compare yourself to a car



You dated / knew madam for about eight years . Are you saying you didn't see all these signs before going ahead to marry her

Are you saying you didn't see signs of sexual incompatibility, ego and secrecy before marrying her ? its not like you both were celibate or didn't spend nights together

I don't understand how people just sweep all these things under the carpet before marriage when you know marriage is for life.

From what I've read about you sir, you weren't a saint while you both were dating ( incessant cheating )and babe might have had endured a lot . You were probably one of those who thought marriage changes everything . maybe you changed for marriage but your wife decided to show what she had been keeping in her heart since.

some ladies who have been in long term relationships decide to endure the mans attitude consoling themselves with the fact that when they get married they will treat the mans Bleep up




As for your referring to the story of Esther and Vashti . don't forget that that story was set in a highly patrichical society. Women were more or less seen as properties . what do you think happened to the other virgins the king didn't find " favourable " - they were kept as concubines because he had already banged them to know if they were "favourable or not"
or didn't you see that even as Queen Esther couldn't just barge into his court when he didn't send for her or she would die. Can the same be said of husband and wife today?

Husbands of that time weren't excepted to love their wives. They were only expected to be providers and be good examples to their family and community.

But Paul admonished husband's now to love their wives as Christ loved the Church. Do you know how Christ loved the church " he laid down his life for it" if you know you can't lay down your life ( pride) for the woman you are dating please don't marry her.

I am not taking sides. From what I read in your diary , you have been through a lot. I understand what it feels like when everyone expects you to be the tough person around even when sometimes you just need someone who can understand your weaknesses and not judge you with them .

I am just trying to be as objective as possible since i don't know your wife's story.

You are right about a man needing reassurance and his ego being massaged. I always tell my mom that when I get married my husband will be my first born. However , it is quite difficult for a lady to be submissive to a man who doesn't value her.

Don't forget that smallie also has her faults to . Your wife was probably like smallie when both of you started dating . people change too ,life happens.

Always remember side chick is side chick . just let smallie know where she stands so you don't end up in her 'men are scum' list

generationz:
shuo you went to dig up a description of choleric woman

I know all about these , I have been studying temperaments for years. in fact Tim layes temparent grouping isn't very accurate

to know your real temperament the myers Briggs personality typing.

I also have discovered that when people hear the word " choleric" the first thing people seem think of is anger
well yes choleric weakness might be anger and the need to be in charge

however they have lots of strengths.
for example a choleric is the best for leadership roles. They are dedicated to their jobs and high achievers. if you work with a choleric you can't be comfortable being mediocre because they will push you to be better. children of choleric parents tend to excel in school because their parents are only satisfied with excellence

I might not crave choleric as partners in love relationships because I am Mel/ chlor ( we will be two bulls butting our heads together) but I admire them as leaders and if I worked in an organization I would prefer them as my boss.

kushdoctor:
Dont worry i am marrying her. Everything is business, love, life, friendship , women, its all business. The only money i spend is my time and thats all the Master gave me. Time. So you see, we will always figure out a way to pay for it and be comfortable. Dont worry. But i must spend my time wisely.

Acidosis:
You've made some salient points. Are you going to go for a Phlegmatic, because clearly, not even a Melancholic would allow his wife play the role of a leader in the home. The Phlegmatic man is technically the only kind of man that would warmly sit back and allow his woman control the family.

generationz:
I'm not pure choleric , so I don't crave leadership or being in charge. if it happens that I have no choice than to be the one in charge however. I am very good at most aspects of leadership except delegation of authority (perfectionist tendencies)

I can marry a phlegmatic either. Maybe a San/ phleg ( my most compatible option just like San/chlor) but not someone with a dominant phlegmatic personality.

I like their easy going nature. however they are not very self motivated, do badly as dominant leaders, and are very secretive about their feelings something I can't stand. I'm someone who likes people saying their minds even if it hurts I don't have time to waste with trying to guess a phlegmatics feelings

Acidosis:
^ ^
Now you're talking like a choleric

It is well sha, there is no perfect formula for a stress-free relationship or marriage. Even if a Choleric woman finds the easy going and an attentive follower in the form of a Phlegmatic husband, his family will someday accuse the woman of using vegetable soup to twist their son's head.

The importance of discovering ourselves (and partners) cannot be overemphasized.

generationz:
hahahahaha
I just gave him a technical knockout , he can't even respond

crackhaus:
You seem ecstatic about your assumption.

generationz:
seriously are you saying this?
op is complaining about bills you are still saying women should pay someone to do the domestic work

why don't you men just plan your lives well when single , instead of using all your singlehood in chasing girls without any kind of structure in place and no savings or investments before marriage

what the op and her husband going through is using the resources that would have been used to raise one child to raise four. Very typical in many African homes

After putting the kids through hell they will expect the kids to be their Messiah and take them out of poverty
and the cycle continues.

generationz:
hahhahahaha

I actually threw a party here. Bobrisky was the Mc of the event and wizkid performed

generationz:
God will bless you

your last paragraph sums it up

men must plan plan plan when single

don't just marry because everyone says " bros its time o , you don get work na marriage remain"

if he had planned well they would probably only have one or two kids which he can comfortably cater for with the resources he has.
nobody is saying be rich , but a man should use wisdom
it not every time you grab yansh for unprotected sex without thinking of the consequences on your pocket and the stress on both of you.

generationz:
sorry I was a little harsh with my comment. some of the peoples comments on the main topic pissed me off


Oga you are not a car. A car is an object. You are a full human being so don't compare yourself to a car



You dated / knew madam for about eight years . Are you saying you didn't see all these signs before going ahead to marry her

Are you saying you didn't see signs of sexual incompatibility, ego and secrecy before marrying her ? its not like you both were celibate or didn't spend nights together

I don't understand how people just sweep all these things under the carpet before marriage when you know marriage is for life.

From what I've read about you sir, you weren't a saint while you both were dating ( incessant cheating )and babe might have had endured a lot . You were probably one of those who thought marriage changes everything . maybe you changed for marriage but your wife decided to show what she had been keeping in her heart since.

some ladies who have been in long term relationships decide to endure the mans attitude consoling themselves with the fact that when they get married they will treat the mans Bleep up




As for your referring to the story of Esther and Vashti . don't forget that that story was set in a highly patrichical society. Women were more or less seen as properties . what do you think happened to the other virgins the king didn't find " favourable " - they were kept as concubines because he had already banged them to know if they were "favourable or not"
or didn't you see that even as Queen Esther couldn't just barge into his court when he didn't send for her or she would die. Can the same be said of husband and wife today?

Husbands of that time weren't excepted to love their wives. They were only expected to be providers and be good examples to their family and community.

But Paul admonished husband's now to love their wives as Christ loved the Church. Do you know how Christ loved the church " he laid down his life for it" if you know you can't lay down your life ( pride) for the woman you are dating please don't marry her.

I am not taking sides. From what I read in your diary , you have been through a lot. I understand what it feels like when everyone expects you to be the tough person around even when sometimes you just need someone who can understand your weaknesses and not judge you with them .

I am just trying to be as objective as possible since i don't know your wife's story.

You are right about a man needing reassurance and his ego being massaged. I always tell my mom that when I get married my husband will be my first born. However , it is quite difficult for a lady to be submissive to a man who doesn't value her.

Don't forget that smallie also has her faults to . Your wife was probably like smallie when both of you started dating . people change too ,life happens.

Always remember side chick is side chick . just let smallie know where she stands so you don't end up in her 'men are scum' list

generationz:
that the females you knoe are doing it dosnt mean the entitlement mentality of men should be condoned

tell me did our forefathers have two heads ?
yet they were able to care for the needs of more than one wife without complaing like ops husband

why don't men also share in giving birth to the children. if they plan to have four kids the man should tell his new wife he will help her carry two pregnancies and then he will know that their are some responsibilities that a woman will forever be tied with and can't complain about. you think child bearing and rearing is that easy because you hear all the lovely songs of "sweet mama".

men are physically stronger than women but women take on a lot shit these days. compare an average married woman to her single counterpart of the same age. stress has worn her down . Yet these men still feel they did these women a favour by marrying them. some even use the money they have to cheat with reckless abandon leaving the whole job of caring for kids on the women


The average marriage today is one of wives " mothering" their husbands and still expected to be worship the ground the men walk on
African woman take a lot of shit that their counterparts can't take half of in foreign lands.


Many american husbands fear divorce like hell because they could loose half their fortune and the house they laboured to pay mortgage on. the same can't be said of Nigerian men . A Nigerian man will just wake up to drive his wife and kids out of the house they both built


women should better start training their boys that being a man is beyond carrying shoulder and having balls in between their legs

This is one reason I like IBO men

many of them marry late because they want to be able to have enough to give their wives and kids the best. They don't have to be super rich but whatever status they are in life they know their children won't lack basic needs whether or not the wife is working.

Just like a man helping out with chores is optional, A woman contributing should be optional too

Appreciate her for her roles and the fact that she still helps you with what you are expected to do 100%


very entitled Mommy's boys we have today smh

Eketem:
The women in America get married under the law which protects them, here family and relatives exchange a woman for goats, yam and wine in the name of list and bride price hence the men have no fear over somebody they purchased. That's the truth.

Change will come when women decide enough of the backward cultures that favor us, make better decisions when dating and stop marrying stupid men instead of fighting over a cheating man walk away. We need to take responsibility for our failures in this. We want men to pay for everything from dating to marriage yet shout inequality

GoodFaith:
"tell me did our forefathers have two heads ?" NO

"Many american husbands fear dlivorce like hell because they could loose half their fortune and the house they laboured to pay mortgage on. the same can't be said of Nigerian men . A Nigerian man will just wake up to drive his wife and kids out of the house they both built"

Backward thinking girl-- at some point fewl year back I was paying out about $2,100.00 monthly and today I am paying out $1,200.00
Lot of America men do what they want to do
America men file for divorce and willling to pay

ignorance and unintelligent
A marriage is a partnership of two people- This partnership have some individuals differences
and it work differently for individuals
My forefathers didn't have Lexus
Our fore-mothers didn't have education
Our fore-mothers work all day in the filed with our forefathers
Women weren't welcome in the workplace back in the 50 and 60
Today women have a good or better education than some men or their husbands
Today women owner successful businesses making more money than men or their husbands
The need of families has change
today families 60% of families need both income
Go get some commonsense No body need to be enslaved
Go enslave your husband -- Best of luck

GoodFaith:
Thanks for commonsense
Husband need to help wife in all area as wife need to help husband
50% chores it might work for for 20% of a partnership
Any woman that is go into marriage with 50% chores work--PLEASE DON'T GET MARRY

generationz:
you must be high on piss for you not to understand my writeup

The poster was complaining about her husband who complains about providing financially for his family which is a clearly defined male role.

if it was a man complaining about how his wife can't Cook , take care of the kids and clean the home y'all will mess the wife up and advice the man to even divorce her.
But even if I was rich I wouldn't marry a man with a freaking entitlement mentality.

its catastrophic for a woman's sanity.

There are men that would prefer to go hungry , or trek to their job interview than beg their girlfriends for money. Not because the chick ain't rich but because begging their woman for meat makes them feel less than men.


Everyone must know their place before marriage

The man is the provider whether the wife is working
The lady is the homemaker whether husband chooses to help out or not.

Then , whatever each couple chooses to do with their marriage is up to them

If a woman chooses to feed her man then its up to her. if the man chooses to be a sloppy househusband good for both of theml

Nobody is saying you should buy a range rover . A man must plan and strategize before he brings another mans daughter to come and suffer in the name of marriage.

what were you doing with your earnings as a bachelor?
investing or gallivanting?

then you will now come and tell me marriage is 50/ 50 in finances but I will still care 100% for the kids and the home.
kolewerk

what are you doing with the remaining 50% of your salary ?

I laugh in many languages mtshewwwe

Eketem:
You cannot direct women on the standards they should have.

divinelove:
I subscribe to the biblical standard

Man is the provider 100%
Woman must submit to him and help him. He is the head of the family. A man that cannot provide for her family is worst than an infidel. Woman should support their husbands.

It is unthinkable for a woman to pay rent where a man stays even if the man lost his job he can only borrow from her woman and repay the rent money.

Women should assist wherever they can infact men should not even be waiting for a woman's money to get along

GoodFaith:
Great
If your wife is a Dr and you are an Accountant
You work with your wife, she end up having her own medical practice
Your wife make 10K
You work for government making 5k - senior position---"No Nigeria briber "
House at Lekki
two kid school fee 4 million
Two high end cars in the driveway
Vacation in UK, Canada and US yearly
Please tell us how you are going to provide all of the above

"where a man stays even if the man lost his job he can only borrow from her woman and repay the rent money."
How are you going to repay her

divinelove:
I subscribe to the biblical standard

Man is the provider 100%
Woman must submit to him and help him. He is the head of the family. A man that cannot provide for her family is worst than an infidel. Woman should support their husbands.

It is unthinkable for a woman to pay rent where a man stays even if the man lost his job he can only borrow from her woman and repay the rent money.

Women should assist wherever they can infact men should not even be waiting for a woman's money to get along

Eketem:
The same women who will want their names on property you are now saying it is a taboo for them to pay rent. Hiannnnn