₦airaland Forum

tracyfemmmm:
1. Trash. So many contradictory points of view.

2. I know your own agenda is just jealousy that women are now being appreciated and more importantly taught that they can survive on their own.

3. Like you really want us to give credit to Saudi Arabian men? The most oppressive country for women in maybe the world. A country that actively encroaches on human rights? Even funds and encourages violence against anyone who stands in their way. Some nairaland men have lost it.

4. You men have had centuries of literally worship. Women have had less acess to education and self sufficiency than the son of slaves in some cases.

5. And here you are condescendingly telling us the the programs to improve our lives would be better if the focus was also on men? You think we are idiots?

6. We are not begging for your support in achieving our independence. If you do not bend you will break. The world is changing and independence for women is here to stay. You guys can take the back sit for once. Women have done it for centuries and the sky did not fall.

tracyfemmmm:
Trash. So many contradictory points of view. I know your own agenda is just jealousy that women are now being appreciated and more importantly taught that they can survive on their own. Like you really want us to give credit to Saudi Arabian men? The most oppressive country for women in maybe the world. A country that actively encroaches on human rights? Even funds and encourages violence against anyone who stands in their way. Some nairaland men have lost it.
You men have had centuries of literally worship. Women have had less acess to education and self sufficiency than the son of slaves in some cases. And here you are condescendingly telling us the the programs to improve our lives would be better if the focus was also on men? You think we are idiots?
We are not begging for your support in achieving our independence. If you do not bend you will break. The world is changing and independence for women is here to stay. You guys can take the back sit for once. Women have done it for centuries and the sky did not fall.

dhardline:
Due to the nature of my Job I have made certain observations

that a lot of people have refused to acknowledge.

Do you know that there are more female bankers than male?

Infact in majority of the financial institutions women are higher

in number than men. Please don't assume it's because they

successfully scaled the recruitment process, no! But from some

HR managers I have spoken to its more like a rule (maybe

written or unwritten) that during recruitments more females are

taken compared to males.

If you doubt me go to Lagos Island during close of work period

and you'll clearly understand cause it's so obvious.

This has somehow reduced the amount of eligible men to start

a home. Infact in a lot of homes today women are the bread

winners and in most cases it's not cause the men are lazy.

dingbang:
of course, there has been too much campaign on empowerment of the girl child, yet they feel oppressed. the campaign should rather be educating the boy child to become responsible. are the male kids taught how to respect the female kids? the issue of rape and others can be reduced if the boy child would be raised up with the right attitude. The bible says, train up a child in the way he should grow, and when he is old, he will never depart from it. if you train up sons to think its their right to be served, then they will grow up thinking females are the weaklings. enough of all this female gender empowerment and focus on teaching the male child manners.




Dingbang from Port harcourt.

helphelp:
Hmmm

Hidentity:
Good

Tallesty1:
I said something similar sometime ago, feminists, women rights advocates are not working to create gender balance, which you will agree with me is what we all need. But these people are working to make every situation a woman finds herself a 50/50 gain for her.


There are so many women empowerment programs here and there. Organizations, churches and governments always have something for widows and nothing for widowers. A woman in a financial problem is 10x more likely to get help from people than a man but the good news however is that the neglected male child will join a terrorist organization out of frustration, use his untapped talent to design a powerful bomb and blow the shit out of the empowered girl.

BurningBlade:
Nice one.

Skepticus:

Boyooosa:
Let's live the way God/Nature has it!

Alexk2:
Can't agree less. boys need as much monitoring and care as girls. advocate should be for children as a whole cos we must get it right with them for a better future.

Sapphire11:
Women just love to view themselves as a VICTIM of whatever And the constant celebration of the girl child over the boy child, will in years put a stop to the VICTIMIZATION of girls-future women I suppose.

pocohantas:
Nice thread. I think it all started when the girl child was at extreme disadvantage. Which I honestly do not think is the norm in the average Nigerian home, recently.

My dad for example was the one that had to drop out from school and hustle, for his sisters to continue.

On that Girl Child Day, I asked my friend. "While this is a good cause, is the average girl child denied education?". Except in some really backward and misogynistic societies, do most enlightened parents actually deny their daughters education and all?"

There should be a balance in all. Focus too much on the girl, ignoring the boy. Same girl would be stuck with the deficient boy. The cycle continues.

bukatyne:
Good evening NLers.

I was surprised when I learnt yesterday/Wednesday was the International Day of the Girl Child. I remember that March 8 is International Girls Day.... excluding the recurring mothers' day, women's day etc.

While it seems these recurring days to celebrate women are highlighting their importance and spurring them to aim higher, the boy child is left behind again.

Why again?

In the past, we have screamed that boys and by extension men were not taught how to treat/respect women and make their marriages work apart from footing the bills. I know how old RCCG women's fellowship is and when the men fellowship was birthed; I know the ratio of women programs in churches and mosques to men programs. We know how women were/are always admonished to keep their homes.

Yet we have just done same thing in different forms...

Several women empowerment programs; all sorts of educational boot camps for young ladies; grants and all sorts of funding for women businesses; skill acquisition programs for women etc.

Have we sat down to think that men make up 50% of the human race? Do we acknowledge that almost every woman apart from lesbians will be in intimate relationships with men?

DO WE ACKNOWLEGDE THAT WE NEED THE SUPPORT OF MEN TO EXCEL AS WOMEN?

Interestingly, men realized they needed the support of women and engineered them to provide that support. We women are behaving like we can do it alone which is why it seems progress is slow.

In Saudi Arabia that is draconian towards women, some men still taught their wives how to drive. Some men still supported their wives quest to be able to drive. Some men still reasoned with their leaders to lift the ban.

When you train your daughter to be all she can be without men who are trained in a corresponding manner, do you realize she will marry/mingle with that pool which will frustrate her efforts?

Imagine a high flyer married to a man who believes a woman's ambition should not be past a certain point.

For instance, we say there are few women presidents and CEOs...

Do you think it is because more are not interested in it?

How many men will support their wives to be presidents and CEOs? How many men are ready to pay the sacrifices that come with such and other similar positions?

We women need the men to support us 100% which would not happen until we stop over emphasizing the girl child and recognize her partner and support: the boy child.

anukulapo:
Interestingly, men realized they needed the support of women and engineered them to provide that support. We women are behaving like we can do it alone which is why it seems progress is slow.

@ bukatyne -- You've spoken well, in my opinion.

mrMeen:
I have been waiting for a thread like this for ages.

Tinalex:
Hmmmnnn...how I wish the old generation parents that destroyed our men could read this. At least women of today 85% now understand why men should be further schooled/ tutored like the girl child....Congrafs to the upcoming married women in a decade time....they are just too lucky

Mindfulness:
A very interesting read.

How to raise boys in the 21st century
Twenty-five years after his first bestselling parenting guide, Steve Biddulph has some powerful new ideas on how to raise happy, well-adjusted young men
Steve Biddulph

Can you remember that moment? Holding your baby son in your arms for the first time? As you gazed down at his soft little face, I bet you hoped with all your heart for just one thing. That he would travel safely through boyhood, grow to be his best, and become, one day, a wonderful man. It doesn’t seem too much to hope for. Yet we all know of so many boys and young men who have come to grief, and ended up being harmed or causing harm to other people. Compared with a girl, a boy is nine times more likely to end up in jail, three times more likely to use drugs, three times more likely to take his own life or die in a car crash. Those are terrible figures, and we shouldn’t just think “that’s the way it is”. There has to be a reason and a cure.

Twenty five years ago, I wrote an international best-selling book on raising boys, and today I’m pleased to say we know far far more, and raising sons is easier and is getting better. We are making some wonderful men. We know how to do it right. So let me set out some of the most powerful new ideas . . .

The first thing in raising a son is to decide what kind of man you want to make. Sometimes, at my seminars on parenting, I ask my audiences to call out the qualities they think make up a good man. You can guess what they shout – things like kind, gentle, safe, trustworthy, strong, caring. Someone will joke “sober” or “looks like George Clooney”. But I sum it up in just two words: backbone and heart. Strong, reliable, and trustworthy, on the one side. And warm and loving as well. It’s not enough to just have one side, without the other. A friendly drunk is no use. A strong but cold dad won’t win the hearts of his sons or daughters. It has to be both.

Creating that good man means understanding the boy you start with. Are boys different to girls in some fundamental way? Yes, and no. Forty years ago, when I started out, the best thinking was to do away with gender differences altogether. We urgently needed equality, the misogyny that had kept women down and out for centuries had to end. We thought that if we raised boys and girls the same, then we would eliminate sexism. Same clothes, same toys, same games, it was a worthy and admirable effort. I totally supported this and I still do – perhaps the best known take-home message of my books is teach your son to cook. And that girls need to be loud, and messy, and feel free to climb trees and jump in puddles.

Risk factors
But we have to do more than that. Those risk factors unique to boys, and to girls, have to be worked on. While we know now that gender is on a continuum, and every child is unique, the science is getting clearer that for most boys, and most girls, there are glaring differences we have to address.

Most boys show distinct patterns of development, even in the womb. Their brains grow more slowly from the moment they start producing testosterone at just a few months’ gestation. And that difference persists – many boys are up to 20 months behind girls in some aspects of brain development at age five. Not only that, but boys vary a great deal within their gender too. Sampling umbilical cord blood at birth shows that some boys are high in testosterone, and some low. And the high-testosterone boys have much more trouble with reading and speaking. Boys overall are three times more likely to be problem readers than girls. And those are mostly high-testosterone boys.

Now the last thing we want to say about that is “boys will be boys” as that is really the weakest of cop-outs. It means we have to say “right, let’s switch this boy on to reading, by telling him stories, reading bedtime books to him, and keeping on chatting to him and listening to him as we go about our day. Don’t just plonk him in front of a TV or screen. The world doesn’t need men who can wrestle buffalo any more, but every boy and man needs to be able to communicate. We can help our sons to catch up with girls, and get along well with them.

We can also make the world, and especially school, more boy-friendly. Most boys at five (and some girls too) aren’t ready to sit still – in fact it harms their brain development if they do. And they aren’t ready for rote learning or being forced to read and write. In countries where children start school at six or seven, they do much better. Moving about a lot, playing, being active, suits most kids but especially those active boys who positively need it.
And that’s only the start.
There are stages of boyhood which girls do not have. One is the “full-on fours”, when luteinising hormone floods their bodies, setting up the puberty hormones far in advance. When I wrote about this in my Facebook community, which has many Irish mums and dads as well as from all across the world, they immediately knew what I was talking about.

Activity, rambunctiousness and noise
Parents of four-year-olds notice high levels of activity, rambunctiousness and noise. It’s a relief to know this isn’t naughtiness. (Though any sudden change in behaviour is worth getting to the bottom of in case something bad has happened). But it’s totally normal for little boys (and some girls) to be exploding with energy, and our job is to find ways they can run it off – just as we would if we had a sheepdog in the house, they need their exercise. You can do this through lots of chances to get outside and move about and have adventures. And some gentle but clear help with knowing when to put the brakes on. If we make a boy feel he is bad for being a boy, then we trigger an anxiety about being loved, that usually comes out as anger and the beginnings of a problem man. You can put boundaries on, and ask him to calm down, but do it kindly.

Another stage of boyhood – called adrenarche – was discovered just last year by researchers at Melbourne’s Royal Children’s Hospital in a long-term study of 1,200 children approaching their teens. Adrenarche comes along at eight to nine years of age. It’s a rise in hormones called adrenal hormones, and shows up on brain scans, too. I call this the “emotional eights”, because that describes it usefully. Your son will be more prone to get upset, or anxious, or fly off the handle, and generally not be his usual self. It will bewilder him as much as you. Adrenarche is the first stirrings of puberty, though outward signs won’t show for another three or four years.

Girls are so different in this regard. Their emotional phase mostly comes right with puberty, and is often two years sooner than with boys, and (thankfully) is all over by 14, when they reach their full height and are fully fertile. Boys may not catch up in height or maturity until 16 or 17.
But most boys end up larger or stronger than girls, and eventually, larger than their partner. So it’s absolutely vital that we teach them to never hit or hurt, or even disrespect or be rude to girls or women, starting with their mum or their sisters. Dads and mums together have to reinforce this message, sitting down with them and being clear what a good man is like, and that they expect this and will never go along with anything different. Again, not heavy or hard, just friendly, but crystal clear. To turn into a good man, a boy has to hear exactly what that means in practice (and of course, see it carried out by the men he grows up around).

Recently in Australia, something great happened. A champion surfer was attacked by a shark, and disappeared out of sight behind a wave, while thousands watched from the beach and on TV. He miraculously reappeared safe and sound a moment later. But interviewed on the TV his friends were crying, and saying how afraid they had been for him. And how much they loved him.
A big new breakthrough in what we want in men, and have to teach our boys, is how to have an open heart. Affectionate dads who hug and cuddle, show their own feelings easily and can say “I’m sad” or “I was scared” raise mentally healthy boys. The old-style man kept his feelings bottled up, only to explode when he was drunk, or things just reached overload.

In the new version of my book, we explain the whole chemistry of why human beings cry, and how this heals the brain after loss, and prevents violence (as most violent people are actually in fear and grief rather than anger). It’s essential that boys are able to cry at any age, and be vulnerable. As social researcher Dr Brene Brown argues in her excellent TED talk, nothing good ever happens without vulnerability. Love, friendship, parenthood, creativity, learning new things, closeness and intimacy all involve being vulnerable. Making mistakes, and risking rejection. Being brave enough to fail, and not be crippled by shame, is essential to being a dad, husband, or friend.

What if you’re a single mother or in a same-sex relationship?
A word here is important for single mothers, who raise about a third of all boys. Let me absolutely reassure you: mothers can raise wonderful men, and they have done so for thousands of years. The single mothers and women raising children without men that I have worked with extensively over 40 years have taught me two key secrets. They made sure that their sons had good men somewhere in their life – school teachers, grandads, uncles, sports coaches, family friends. They chose these with care.

And these men stepped up so that each boy “knew what a good man looked like”. In my talks, I ask the dads there to think about the fatherless boy among their son’s friends, and be sure to invite him along on trips to concerts, fishing or camping, or art galleries or whatever is your thing.
The other secret of single parenthood? Be sure to have some time for yourself to have fun, rejuvenate, and have friends. Don’t do it in any kind of martyr attitude. Be proud of yourself, and reward yourself for the great job you do.

A story of my own
When my dad was dying, I spend the last couple of weeks at his side. We hadn’t always been close, and now I didn’t want to waste a second. One day, he told me a story of my babyhood. A few days after I was born, my mum was very tired, and so he put me in the pram to go for a stroll. Entering the high street – this was 1953 – he noticed people looking at him oddly, even scornfully, and some children danced along behind him jeering. At this point in the story he paused. I asked him, what were they saying? “Your dad’s your mum.” He remembered it all from 50 years ago. He looked teary. A shy man, it had all proved too much, and he ducked, with me and the pram, down a side street and went home.
Today, dads with prams are a normal as a rainy day. Young fathers are affectionate, and capable.

We’ve got a revolution happening in fatherhood, and chances are strong that girls and boys will turn out better as a result.
The new understanding of boyhood, and the better kind of man we can create, is going to change our world. We know that every boy is different, and you have to get to know your own unique version. We know that the genders overlap, and you can have a macho girl and a sensitive quiet boy, and they are both valuable and needed in the world of tomorrow. We know that if you embrace the differences, and work with them, then an equal world is just around the corner.

Explaining pornography to boys

There are new things affecting boyhood, especially the teen years, which weren’t around much when we were kids. The worst of these is probably online pornography.
Mums and dads need to sit down with pre- teen boys and tell them: you’ll get to see some yucky stuff from friends or online. You’ll naturally feel curious about it, but some of it is horrible and mean. And it’s not how love really works. Sex is really great when it’s friendly, kind, funny and respectful. Porn sex is different to real sex in four ways:

1 Real lovemaking is personal. Your heart and mind are making love too. In porn you are just a body, with no personality or feelings.

2 Real lovemaking is slow, it takes time to trust, and explore and every part of it feels good. In porn, it’s just a rush to “get it done”.

3 Real lovemaking can be intense, but it’s always kind. You treat someone the way you would like to be treated. Porn is routinely degrading, uncaring, and hurts or humiliates women. In real life, women would not like that or like you if you did that.

4 Real lovemaking feels good afterwards. You get closer, you want to be together. You want to talk and trust and open your heart. Porn is cold and you are disposable. Your feelings don’t count. You end up not liking yourself. You have trouble getting along with real girls.

It’s a daunting thing to talk about this with our kids, but we have to do it. They want our help, and they will be lost if we don’t give it. It’s a big relief to be able to be open about sex, and for our kids to know it’s normal, and great, and able to be talked about.

Raising Boys in the 21st Century, by Steve Biddulph, is published by Harper Collins

https://www.irishtimes.com/life-and-style/health-family/parenting/how-to-raise-boys-in-the-21st-century-1.3481486


Cc: Bukatyne
Thanks ma'am
Nice contribution.

Eketem:
This is how women loose it, always emotional instead of being factual, pick out the issues you feel is wrong with the post and debate it rationally instead of declaring it jealousy.

The poster said and I agree from practice that most of these advocacy cannot be done by alienating men, I remember when Senator Abaribe worked so hard on the gender equality bill and pushed it even there were women in the Senate, what happened in the end? He gave an interview to support the bill and was talking about the amendments they will make to ensure the bill sails through next time, The Newspaper took one sentence out of context, Thats how the same women he was pushing a bill for didn't read the full story and started attacking him, insulted him from heaven to he'll, this was a man who was in the fore front of pushing this bill oh, I think after that he took his hands off, till today no woman in the Senate has bothered to reintroduce the bill

emperooooooooor:
The truth will continue to be the truth regardless of how many people believe it to be true. This write-up right here is nothing but the truth though it is very subtle and takes an open and well educated mind to dissect and digest. My fear is that the uneducated or wrongly indoctrinated feminists and misogynists will come up here and start spewing rubbish about the write-up without carefully examining the writer's submission. Nice write up @ bukatyne

samguru:
The advocacy for girl child started when women began to observe that the female gender was naturally perceived to be inferior to male gender, and the girl child advocates have been projecting the gender equality wrongly. These advocates who are virtually female over time turned out to be feminists in their drive to over project it.

The role of a girl child in the world has been clearly defined by God,that is when she becomes a woman, she is to support her husband and produce children,be socially responsible and nothing more, but feminism has redefined these and kept on pushing beyond gender equilibrium.

In the olden days,girl child was trained to be a home manager only and to be submissive to the dictates of her husband but now,the feminists want more education,more responsibilities,more power to a girl child thinking that a boy child has been empowered enough by the virtue of his gender.

If a research can be conducted on the history of divorce,I can confidently tell you that, it started when this advocacy began to shoot limelight and since then, the rate of divorce has been astronomical.

As it were,the gospel was so strong that some women don't drop their father's name again rather will include their husbands' names at the end of their father's name after marriage. Infact, Women are not afraid to stand shoulder to shoulder with their husbands to slug it with their husband thinking they are equal.

The Society should slow down girl child advocacy and try to balance it up with a boy child advocacy.

tracyfemmmm:
Trash. So many contradictory points of view.are you worried that women need the support of men and wont get it or that men would be left behind?. Because i know you are worried about men but framing it like your worry is about women. I know your own agenda is just jealousy that women are now being appreciated and more importantly taught that they can survive on their own. Like you really want us to give credit to Saudi Arabian men? The most oppressive country for women in maybe the world. A country that actively encroaches on human rights? Even funds and encourages violence against anyone who stands in their way. Some nairaland men have lost it.
You men have had centuries of literally worship. Women have had less acess to education and self sufficiency than the son of slaves in some cases. And here you are condescendingly telling us the the programs to improve our lives would be better if the focus was also on men? You think we are idiots?
We are not begging for your support in achieving our independence. If you do not bend you will break. The world is changing and independence for women is here to stay. You guys can take the back sit for once. Women have done it for centuries and the sky did not fall.

hush15:
Ofcourse its overrated.

The other day while i was listening to radio, they said "Feed a boy, you feed one person. Feed a girl and you a nation", i was so irritated. Thats chauvinistic.

Thats not true, basically, male are the life givers not the other way round, how could one think like that but what do i know. i respect and love women but i would never be a party downplaying a man to either gain appeal or feel appreciate. Men should be even celebrated equally if not more than women cos since begin of life, man has and will never be relegated.

If the bible be anything it stands for, Woman is created for the man, not equally or the other way but for the man. funny enough, not even for God, going by the scripture. However, i do not say this to encourage maltreatment or disrespect women however we need to get it right. Women are just over celebrated

majekdom2:
It seems over emphasized in the poor regions of the world. Poverty is a situation that needs to be tackled for a balance to exist.

CAPSLOCKED:
SIMPLY BRILLIANT!

I HOPE THESE INTERNET SELF ACCLAIMED FEMINISTS AND WOMEN RIGHTS ADVOCATES REALIZE THAT FEMINISM IS SUPPOSED TO BE ABOUT EQUALITY AND COOPERATION BETWEEN BOTH GENDERS.. AND NOT ALL ABOUT CAUSING MORE DAMAGE AND DISUNITY BY POSTING DEROGATORY ARTICLES AND COMMENTS ABOUT MEN AND ENGINEERING YOUNGER GIRLS TO FOLLOW SUIT.

WE CAN'T EXIST WITHOUT EACH OTHER.

toscolee:
Op is not 'some nairaland men'. She's a lady...one with depth.