Been Married for over 6 years now and have 2 children.
Now 8 months pregnant and just discovered that he has been having affairs outside with women here and also in Nigeria and when confronted with evidence after having spoken to one of the women that did not know he was married, he still denies everything but maintains a guilty posture and is apologetic.
When asked why he is apologising then he has nothing to say.
I never expected this from him as he is so hardworking and looks so responsible. He has also been saying finances are hard and rough but has money to pay for hotel bills and accessories for other women, whilst kids have been lacking.
He says he wants to continue in the marriage but does nothing to change his ways as he still locks away his phone and is just not truthful. So concerned about my children and future in this kind of environment
What do I do??

,

Great advice @chaircover

Although great advice I cant concentrate very well as I am sick because of all this in a pregnancy that is very well and I dont know how to maintain a positive attitude. As my mind keeps wondering of so many things like he had the audacity to sleep around and come back and sleep with me during my pregnancy with the possibility allowing me and my baby to catch diseases and fatal sickness,
It is so scary as my previous thought towards him is so positive and good and now im disgusted looking at him.

^^ It's not easy, I don't understand how you feel cos I have never found myself in such a situation. No matter how much I wanna tell you to focus on and/or channel your energy towards your pregnancy, I know it's goino be an easier said than done thingy. Adultery committed by a trusted spouse is not something that can leave the mind just like that.

@OP,Nothing else to do than to be strong for yourself and your kids.Talk with your husband again,tell him exactly how you feel about his cheating ways and his non-repentant/remorse stance.

Protect yourself from Std's.
Put Solid plans in place for your kids.
Concentrate on your pregnancy and birthing.

,

Painful as this is.

1. You and your kids + unborn matter most.

2. The money : you need it to take care of your kids.

3. Legs closed for now : no need to give your uncurable

4. The money: Please siphon the money you will need it

5. Invest the money or keep it away for now.

6. Remove emotion as much as possible , GF are expensive and if your kids are lacking then, the money again

7. He will want you to stay : divorces are expensive and child support is compulsory.

8. Demand the money : Your kids deserve it

P.s Men are not particular about marriage and truth be told it favours women more, so if you still love him put your foot down. Get a bigger mortgage for new baby , once he starts spending at home , it will dry up for GFS and they will sack him _{they hate a man that will not spend} , then you can start role playing with him _{most men re polygamous} so you need to be different xters i.e today be nurse, 2moro felicia the sluutttt. None of this is more important than the money to secure your kids abeg.

Donot worry about anyone calling you or I gold diggers, Your kids come first not those alomoko sisi outside and if he ainn't putting you guys first then you need to

Please try very much to keep your unborn baby and yourself as a priority until you deliver,It's really sad to see him behaving in this manner,I actually came across your post in the other thread about discussing marriage.I hope you will have your happy end in the very near future

Mrs Chaircover I like reading all the responses you have for people here on NL,you may not know this but you are a guardian to many.

@OP,Having read your full story(dating,circumstances on which the marriage was contracted),I've got to tell you this:Shine your eyes,don't play a fool but your health first. . .cool down and have your baby then get up and swing into action.Think of a solid "plan B".

Some men and their ways,some times I don't even know what to think about marriage,this kind of stories scare me.

OP please as hard as it may be try not to think too much, in your present state you don't need stress,try to save as much money as you can from him cause you and your kids need it,like someone said quit sleeping with him for now till you decide what next to do,for now pay mind to your unborn child.
May God be with you,wishing you safest delivery.

Oh so sorry to hear that, the most important thing now for you is to have a safe delivery and then you can trash out the issue.


Men are polygamous by nature"more than 95% of men commit adultery or have committed it in the past" only if their wives really knew and it all boils down to the way they are wired.

Osama10:

Oh so sorry to hear that, the most important thing now for you is to have a safe delivery and then you can trash out the issue.


Men are polygamous by nature"more than 95% of men commit adultery or have committed it in the past" only if their wives really knew and it all boils down to the way they are wired.

well said, men are polygamous by nature. Through prayers, your husband can still change for better. In the meantime, focus on the unborn child and the other children and prevent yourself from STDs.

.

Noticed its only women who have been advising; well from a male dear op virtually all married men have serious girlfriend so don't let it bother u; there's no xplanantion to it so I can't volunteer 1; since I got married girls have suddenly loved me the more; its been GOD's grace remaining fidel till now but I just have this feeling it aint gonna last much longer. All my married friends have serious GF(s) and I have discovered that their wives now tired of crying and complaining monitor their finances closely so as to take the lion share for her and kids when money arrives leaving them with little to throw around. With those hungry chicks no money no love; so when my friend start staying home we know he has been stripped of all his cash, when money comes from an unknown source he suddenly becomes a superstar with girls all ova him; so the best advice I can give to u is to monitor his finances; find out all sources of his finances and keep a close eye on them; the most important advice I can give u women who complain about their husbands promiscuity is to make sure he is aint doing it with 1 girl else dat girl will be d 1 to over throw u;

There is no excuse @ 'Men are polygamous by nature', give me a break

hardywaltz:

Noticed its only women who have been advising; well from a male dear op virtually all married men have serious girlfriend so don't let it bother u; there's no xplanantion to it so I can't volunteer 1; since I got married girls have suddenly loved me the more; its been GOD's grace remaining fidel till now but I just have this feeling it aint gonna last much longer. All my married friends have serious GF(s) and I have discovered that their wives now tired of crying and complaining monitor their finances closely so as to take the lion share for her and kids when money arrives leaving them with little to throw around. With those hungry chicks no money no love; so when my friend start staying home we know he has been stripped of all his cash, when money comes from an unknown source he suddenly becomes a superstar with girls all ova him; so the best advice I can give to u is to monitor his finances; find out all sources of his finances and keep a close eye on them; the most important advice I can give u women who complain about their husbands promiscuity is to make sure he is aint doing it with 1 girl else dat girl will be d 1 to over throw u;

hardywaltz:
; the most important advice I can give u women who complain about their husbands promiscuity is to make sure he aint doing it with 1 girl else dat girl will be d 1 to over throw u;

Err excuse me bros,are you advising women to make sure he has and keeps more than one GF in order not to get overthrown? Please I need to understand what you mean cause you've seriously lost me here.

hardywaltz:

Noticed its only women who have been advising; well from a male dear op virtually all married men have serious girlfriend so don't let it bother u; there's no xplanantion to it so I can't volunteer 1; since I got married girls have suddenly loved me the more; its been GOD's grace remaining fidel till now but I just have this feeling it aint gonna last much longer. All my married friends have serious GF(s) and I have discovered that their wives now tired of crying and complaining monitor their finances closely so as to take the lion share for her and kids when money arrives leaving them with little to throw around. With those hungry chicks no money no love; so when my friend start staying home we know he has been stripped of all his cash, when money comes from an unknown source he suddenly becomes a superstar with girls all ova him; so the best advice I can give to u is to monitor his finances; find out all sources of his finances and keep a close eye on them; the most important advice I can give u women who complain about their husbands promiscuity is to[b] make sure he is aint doing it with 1 girl else dat girl will be d 1 to over throw u[/b];

I better go get married soon then. Seems I have nothing to lose.   the second bolded is also very interesting.

@OP

If you're really disgusted by him, why don't you just divorce him. You're not in Nigeria so it should work out very well for you and the kids. That's what I would do to a cheating wife no matter the situation.

After reading through the replies in this thread I am even more convinced of how heartless men actually are.@Men
Marriage can be mundane and boring after some time, when you get to that phase, you work on spicing things up, not run outside and start jeopardizing the peace and stability in your home because you are tired of sleeping with only one woman. What maker you think the woman is not as bored as you are in the marriage? Yet you will never support the wife cheating on the husband or suggest that she keeps more than one boyfriend so that no particular one will 'overthrow' the husband.
And quit it with this silly 'Men are polygamous in nature' you people only disrespect your wives so much because this is Africa and you can do so and get away with it. Some men are polygamous and some women are polygamous, there are still good men that place some value on their marriages but with your constant bleating of 'All men are polygamous' even the good ones start to question their integrity.
Lastly, you people are supposed to be the head of the house, so start acting like it. Being a leader is not all about claiming the title, you should take care to keep your household in order rather than destroying the peace of mind of your spouse and depriving your children of finances because you think prostitutes deserve your money more. Peace.

I don't need to tell anybody that men are naturally polygamous.
That's is why islam has made it lawful to marry more than one but a max of 4, to take care of issues like this.

Well u cn call it wateva u like but it's true most married men at one time had cheatd on their wives, Remember one thing, it's u he married, so u must mean a lot to him.U jst av to be patient, Many women get insultive wen they catch their man cheating, This will only make it worse, Joke about it but make him kno u're not comfy, Also on ur part excite him(on bed and odawise) let him see ur effort, Meanwhile u cn get condoms and let him kno why, I'm sure he cn change.relax, it only becomes a problem wen it's one babe he's cheatin on u wit

Blinks, ℓ̊ love fellis

for better, for worse, poster don't bother us any more.

Well I know most people may find my earlier advise repulsive but its just the simple truth, a married man having only 1 'serious' girlfriend is very dangerous; here are the reasons 1) he will rent and furnish a splendid apartment for her for real privacy 2) he will buy her expensive phone and gift (jeweleries etc) 3) he will start taking care of her siblings 4) he will buy her a car 5) he will continuously look for every opportunity to travel (real or imaginary) 6) he will fall in love with her and soon euff find reasons to throw u out (if u think I am lying ask Mercy Johnson) but on the other hand if he has several gf as soon as he is done with dat 1 he will rush back home and giggle about his sexcapdes! In reality there's actually nothing 1 can do to a man who keeps looking out just find a solution dat works for u.

hardywaltz:

Noticed its only women who have been advising; well from a male dear op virtually all married men have serious girlfriend so don't let it bother u; there's no xplanantion to it so I can't volunteer 1; since I got married girls have suddenly loved me the more; its been GOD's grace remaining fidel till now but I just have this feeling it aint gonna last much longer. All my married friends have serious GF(s) and I have discovered that their wives now tired of crying [/b]and complaining monitor their finances closely so as to take the lion share for her and kids when money arrives leaving them with little to throw around. With those hungry chicks no money no love; so when my friend start staying home we know he has been stripped of all his cash, [b]when money comes from an unknown source he suddenly becomes a superstar with girls all ova him; so the best advice I can give to u is to monitor his finances; find out all sources of his finances and keep a close eye on them; the most important advice I can give u women who complain about their husbands promiscuity is to make sure he is aint doing it with 1 girl else dat girl will be d 1 to over throw u;

lool

@poster don't bother urself too much about diseases. I know he will take care of that as long as he's still responsible for his family it's OK, just hope for the better that he will change

sadyeek:

I don't need to tell anybody that men are naturally polygamous.
That's is why islam has made it lawful to marry more than one but a max of 4, to take care of issues like this.

Carry your religous "who, ring" somewhere else Men are not naturally polygamous, the reason it was written that way for you folks is because those mullahs couldn't satisfy themselves with one woman.

Its time to move on@OP, once a cheater always a cheater, too bad you have kids by him.Doesn't matter what he says,he will still creep on you

Its men like him that make all men look bad,and its been a swept under the rug issue in nigeria, male extra marital affairs are somehow seen as a sign of "masculinity" , while the same men want to hold women to a higher standard than themselves.what a shame.

SexyMamaJ:

Been Married for over 6 years now and have 2 children.
Now 8 months pregnant and just discovered that he has been having affairs outside with women here and also in Nigeria and when confronted with evidence after having spoken to one of the women that did not know he was married, he still denies everything but maintains a guilty posture and is apologetic.
When asked why he is apologising then he has nothing to say.
I never expected this from him as he is so hardworking and looks so responsible. He has also been saying finances are hard and rough but has money to pay for hotel bills and accessories for other women, whilst kids have been lacking.
He says he wants to continue in the marriage but does nothing to change his ways as he still locks away his phone and is just not truthful. So concerned about my children and future in this kind of environment
What do I do??

Hmmn!
Another thread on male cheating.
@OP,
First of all you need to understand;MEN CHEAT ALL THE TIME once they get the opportunity,HOWEVER that does not mean he loves you any less.I know the feminists will be on my case,but it is the truth.
I really think you need to sit down with your husband and tell him he is hurting you,he might change his ways or attempt to be more discreet about his business.
Listen,you have two kids and another on the way with this man so that has got to count for something.Please avoid the divorce option that people on this forum are going to give you because it is not the best option-trust me I have been down that road and it is not palatable.
Once again talk things over with your man-you will be surprised how much progress you guys will make once the wave length of communication has been opened.
PEACE!

Well I know most people may find
my earlier advise repulsive but its
just the simple truth, a married
man having only 1 'serious'
girlfriend is very dangerous; here
are the reasons 1) he will rent and
furnish a splendid apartment for
her for real privacy 2) he will buy
her expensive phone and gift
(jeweleries etc) 3) he will start
taking care of her siblings 4) he will
buy her a car 5) he will
continuously look for every
opportunity to travel (real or
imaginary) 6) he will fall in love
with her and soon euff find reasons
to throw u out (if u think I am lying
ask Mercy Johnson)

If this is what YOU will do if you are in a similar situation, then say so. Stop generalizing with every single married man.
I simply refuse to believe that all the married men have uncontrollable séx urges and will marry a woman then go and fall in love with another one outside then divorce his wife for her.
And then go and fall in love with another woman outside again and divorce his wife for her again.
And then once again, go and cheat with that one again and keep going round in circles till his pènis falls off.
@OP, sorry that I appear to be derailing but I had to put my opinion down. I can't understand how some men think. So I am supposed to encourage my husband to sleep with different prostitutes so that he will not 'throw me out'?
If he wants to end the marriage for the ashawo he found outside I wont stop him. Thank God that women have jobs these days and can carry on without any man.

@sexymama , it is a pity this is hapening bt i hav some questions for u 1. do u thing this just started? has he been faithful since d six years of marrage? 2. do u think your pregnancy has anything to do wit it ? 3. has there been any change in his attitude towards u ad d family? by d time u answer these then go and sit down with him and have a talk  and let him know your mind ad d way u feel ad wat u think d future holds if he continues dat way. dont pick a fight with him cos of your condition. then focus on your condition ad delivery ad watch him he continues dat way. dont pick a fight with him cos of your condition. then focus on your condition ad watch himen focus on your condition ad delivery ad watch him he continues dat way. dont pick a fight with him cos of your condition. then focus on your condition ad watch him

Richvkunt:

Hmmn!
Another thread on male cheating.
@OP,
First of all you need to understand;MEN CHEAT ALL THE TIME once they get the opportunity,HOWEVER that does not mean he loves you any less.I know the feminists will be on my case,but it is the truth.
I really think you need to sit down with your husband and tell him he is hurting you,he might change his ways or attempt to be more discreet about his business.
Listen,you have two kids and another on the way with this man so that has got to count for something.Please avoid the divorce option that people on this forum are going to give you because it is not the best option-trust me I have been down that road and it is not palatable.
Once again talk things over with your man-you will be surprised how much progress you guys will make once the wave length of communication has been opened.
PEACE!

I agree with rich and with opportunity being the action word here, I will say opportunity is the culprit not your husband what you need to do is remove opportunity.
No better way to do that then put the kids in  a private school, move into a bigger house, stand with a project expand the big house, Once there is no money for frivolities and so much on his hand , opportunity will be erased.
Also please be many women , it works for most roving eyes, when he comes back from work and you are felicia the ashawo  (wig + sluttty make up), tommorow you are  Maureen the secretary (Nerd glasses and mini black skirt), next tommorow you are cat the dominatrix (french stockings and whip with commanding tone) , he will not know what to expect since you will be changing hair and make up, You can google this roles remember na only of una no one needs to know say na u spoil finish just u and him.
I am sure you are good at BJ butterfly flick , hover etc, You got him emotionally thats why he married you but we women tend to relent in our bedmatics forgetting that there better be no slluuttt like a wifey.
Even if it is once a week  dash the kids to your mum for that day you are organising this yeye charade for him, just humour him after all he is biggest resource, and NO OTHER WOMAN MUST TOUCH.

i forgot to add that you need to keep your eye on the money , when surplus come frivolities, make sure he is investing that money on your kids and their furture , he is your resource not theirs.

Do you have any immediate family around you? Like everyone has said, you are in a pretty delicate condition due to your pregnancy and you should only worry about your unborn baby at this point. If you had family, maybe you can just move over there until you have your child. A cheating spouse  has a lot of emotional implications on the victim, so i don't know what else to say, especially a cheat who is not willing to change his ways. As a man who is not married yet, but have heard a lot of men cheating on their wives after 2 years of been married, it's made me be aware that no one is a saint and i must make conscience effort not to commit adultery by focusing on me wife alone. Its a tough life, but i hope everything works out for you.